i want to blog before 2005 ends. i'm afriad i might not have time to do it later in the day or at night. so it would be good if i do it now. it's those time of the year thingy when u sit down and do some reflections and recall wad have u done this year. and i'm in the mood of that right now.

this year passed extremely fast for me. mybe like wad my cousins said, i deliberately kept myself very very busy in order for myself not to think of certain stuff. and maybe cos of tt, time passed extremely fast. but also because of that, i find myelf involving in more meaningful stuff. things that make me learn and grow. things that get me down but gives me big sense of satisfaction at the end of the day when i noe how to pick myself up from where i drop. life became satisfying and meaningful at the same time. it makes school more fun and another small reason why sch is fun is cos there are eye candies around.. right eve? i've learnt alot of things this year. and most importantly, i've learnt more about myself and wad i'm capable of.

which brings me to the next point. i've found more prominant traits on myself that i never knew existed. or maybe they did.. but just much more prominant this year. bad traits and good traits.. or maybe traits that are bad and good, depends on how u want to look at it. well, my new year resolution evey year is to be a better and more likeable person in the next year... lol... wonder if it ever comes true.

i miss my darlings alot. though i feel that this year, we met up more often than last year. however, the more i get of them.. the more i want. =) definitely got closer with them as compared to last year... last year is simply just soo pathetic and i may be the main cause if we drifted last year. luckily, we did not. gosh.. i simply love u guys soo much. u noe how much i thank god for having u guys as my frens. i always wonder if i cherish and appreciate u guys enough or not. but let me tell u guys this.. from the bottom of my heart... i wun be who i am without all of u. and i really really love u all. =) sorry that i couldn't go out with all of u this hols. have been quite busy and all. but rest assured, all of u are constantly on my mind. even u, chin! =)

to angel: thanks for everything this year. from being a regular visitor to my house to getting closer to me. let's keep this friendship strong, k. and continue being a regular visitor. u noe i'll be here for u always.. no matter what problems u may occur. can always come tok to me. no matter how busy i am, i'll still leave time for u. *hook finger*

to chin: no words an express how thankful i am to u for being my fren. with those late night calls. and morning accompaniments. thanks for clearing my doubts, for making me feel better. for always picking up my call even though it's past ur bedtime. thanks for bearing with my nonsense. u noe i have no intenton to be mean to u... and that ur interests are wad i care for most of all. thanks for always being there. to u... it's thanks and more thanks. i promise u more sakae next year. more buffets and we'll go search for the best and cheapest food together. =)

to boon: thanks for keeping me updated of ur life. u noe no matter how busy i am.. u are still on my mind. i'm concerend how have u been and all... and it makes me really happy when i noe u still care and upate me. anyway.. all the best with shou mei mei. be patient. i really hope this will work out for u. ur happiness is mine too. wad are gfs for. love ya

to xin: we definietely met more often this year as compared to last. thanks for giving us some of ur time and turning up at our functions, for us to noe wad's gg on in ur life. for us to see u even!thanks for always making me laugh when we are out and also letting me knoe tt u're always there for me.. like some kao shan.. i love u alot alot... but i cannot love u more than my nu peng. hopefully in the years to come... we can meet up more often. and where's my coffee with u...!!

to yan: one my my ALL-TIME favourite. last year.. u're the busy one. this year.. we noth are busy. time tt we spent with each other is getting lesser and lesser and i dun want tt to happen. den i wun have my yan to whine to. i wun have u to sob to. i wun have u to go drink with me. i wun have to nag at me. i really want tt. and i'm missing tt alot. promise u will be my fren always? i care for u alot. maybe more than u ever noe. ur happiness is also one of my main concern. so please do make urself happy.. and laso less busy.. so we can go out! we haven't shop together for a lonngggg time!!!

okie. so these are all my frens stuff. now.. to conclude things off, i should ve some new year resolutions but i cannot really think of a whole list now. maybe i'll do tt on the 1st. after i think of a whole proper list. maybe if i have time.. should change my blog skin. if i have time. =/

helping out with sb day stuff... alot of work on publication. actually half the time we're trying out things. try an error. new ideas, try, fail then think and try again. the cycle goes on. but i'm glad tt at least we've accomplished half of it all already. now eve is worrying about her stall, tix and prizes. trying to help as much as i can. or as much as she wants me to.

my darlings are coming over tmr. planning a little surprise for them. actually... it's no bg deal. but i want all of us to do it. so ya. =)

ur message everyday makes me smile. though it may be repetitve of things but still.. at least u bother. i had this logic... eye candies are meant to be seen and not to eat. so it took me quite a while to actually only sit back and enjoy the process but i'm glad i'm able to do it now. maybe i really think too much. life should be much simpler.

bye to 2005 and maybe everyone's 2006 be a good year!

lol... end of speech man.. oh boy... this is long.. and i'm lagging of taggers. where is everyone!!!

how i hated that part of my life. it's like a stain on this white piece of paper that i can never make it clean again. ever since then, i've been looking around for only the perfect one. nothing less than that. i know it's not possible to find the ideal or the most perfect but i don't deserve any better? either that... or i should always fall in da deepest pit that i myself find hard to come out. this is wad i deserve only.. is it? i know life's not fair.. bt it has to be as bad as this? not even anywhere close to justice?

someone told me about wavelengths recently and how true it is to me. different people have different wavelengths and it really matters alot to me. how each eavelength can come together and click or simply don't click. speaking to ds today reminds me again of wad kind of ideal i'm looking for and tt if i were to stick my head in that kinda shit... i would not get anywhere. but... somehow.. when i thought u and i share the same wavelength sometime ago... i don't think tt's quite right.

i guess this is where the compromising comes in? is it a point for me to learn? well.. if it is.. god.. show me some signs.. u noe how much i believe in those.

feeling so drained out of energy, brain power and health.... =/ dreched.. third time in a row.

my first me to you.... and the little things u did. love it. anyway... merry xmas to everyone out there!!!

zombified, once again.

from 12 midnight to 9 in the morning. and after that, only 3 hours of sleep. i'm not deprived of bed or tired or wadsoever, i'm just feeling pretty stony. my brain has switched off. i don't feel like doing anything at all. and this worries me a little. my e-learning work is still stagnant there. i haven't touched it since like... when??

had organ lesson in the afternoon.. den headed down to golden mile tower for steamboat. it was a nice, short and cheap dinner. =)

my tummy aches... it's a on and off feeling. i wonder if it's the spicy noodles i had last night after extreme hunger or is it the cockles i had just now. whichever it is, it's not helping my mood =. i don't feel like doing work even more.

came across mona lisa smile this afternoon... a pang of emotion welled up into me. i'm getting used to it. this kind of things do happen recently, especially when the dreaded day draws near. i'm really afriad. feelings and emotions, much less actions are so hard to control at time. i realised i've been trying to keep myself occupied all the times these day, not a moment that i can spend too long thinking. it's working well... or so i see. in fact, last night session was conducted with a minor and very very small intention. however, that was uncalled for anyway. still...

it's amazing how flowers can brighten up a woman's day? i dun think it's somehing u guys can understand. =)

i conclude something and i dunno if i'm glad with this conclusion. maybe yes... but still.. there's some thoughts lingering elsewhere....

strange enough, i'm awake on a morning as early as this. supposed to be up an hour later, to prepare to go out on a " class gathering" and the only reason why i'm going is cos i'm sort of the person who organised it. i think i noe why i can't really sleep well the night before... my tummy kinda hurts now. i hope it's not what i think it is. not on a hoyous occasion, please.

have been relaxing and slacking these few days. as much as i'm enjoying every bit of it, my workload remain stagnant and untouched and this cannot go on. i knda want to get it completed before the xmas comes. i don't want to end up panicking next week. am so sure i would start soon, if only i can get into the mood and with enough motivation.

bought a few xmas presents yesterday and already i'm calling out broke. what kind of a xmas is this. penniless and all.... and i still have this steamboart outing tmr.. plus the singing session on friday and plus the party on sat... and my mum's feeling tight as well. don't even have the time to work to tide over this period.

it's the 4th day and i'm hoping i can still count on.

Your Love

You are quite unlucky in love. You are loved by someone you don't like while your dream man is so far away. Your love life is occasionally under turbulence. Sometimes you don't have the clear view of the guy in your heart.


the more i read.. the more true i think it is.. oh wells

i cannot stop smiling after that one sentence... is this luck or wad.. but nonetheless.. i'm not expecting much. not the least bit.. =)=)=)

Dear Santa,

have i been a bad girl this year? why is it that i'm not granted this one tiny wish of mine yet? it's just one little wish i ask from you. I must be very bad because i'm still suffering as it is. My life progressed and so did every other aspects in my life except that. why is it that i'm back to square one after many miles here and there, up and down, with new people in and out.

i still hate x'mas.
thoughts and memories still haunt me.
every image still manages to draw the most raw emotion out of me, messing up everything i tidied in there.

i wonder if anyone understands why am i contemplating certain issues. i'm enjoying the process and all. but deep down, something is repelling from deep within. it's not the gut issue, but i really have no wish to go through it all again. if it might even have the slightest bit of chance tt it will go down there, then dun even give me any hope. hope is the last thing i want right now cos it hurts too much and i'm definitely not someone who recovers fast. fine. i cannot adapt and i'm taking my freaking time, which seems way too long, to get out of this. but there's a limit to the amount of steps i dare to take. i just dun want to go through it again.

i'm like this little girl who refuses to stand p and take any more steps after she fell. this feels stupid, i know.

Santa, can i please have my wish granted soon. i dunno how long i can keep this going on.

i'm in a happpy mooood. i wonder why..... ma is finally over and already tt's a huge relief. even the idea of having b law ca at 5:15 tmr after class and delaying my time to meet with the darlingsss did not dampen too much of my mood. =) í'm a happpy girl and this happy girl here misses her girlfriends alot!!!

i came to the conclusion that i'm suffering from dillness. that's not a good sign at all cos i dun really have the remedy to it. unless evelyn has her lobangs.. or esle.... i wan i wan i want.. =) the fun and all....

right till this hour, though i told them i would go offline.. i haven't study at all.. was playing games till now.. oh wells... let's hopetmr would be a good day as well.

angel darling, dun be too disheartened, k? things happened. problems occured but i'm sure everything would be just fine at the end of the month when u see IT. lol~ we're always here for u to complain to but dun give up, k! am sure u will emerged a stronger somebody. =)

freaking need 24 hrs of sleep

i can't wait for ma to be over.... over over over.... and like wad eve sae.. if we get thrown by bombs.. we wld just smile.. drink our milo and head home for blaw.... grrrr

i'm rather relaxed now as compared to the weekend i just had. everything seems clearer one way or another and i'm actually feeling pretty good. maybe this explains why i'm blogging now instead of doing my ma... =) even though fmkt really sux big time today... i'm still feeling pretty good.. i seriously wonder why.

okie.. i got back my theory results today and for blur blocks like amelia chow jing yi... it's organ theory!!!! i got a freaking 92... omg... i couldn't believe my eyes. and tt silly teacher of mine decided to play a trick on me this morn. she smsed me and sae she want to scold me already... she sounded really pissed and when she came my place.. she threw the results slip at me and sae... u ar... haiyo.. no choice.. have to retake... the only thing i replied her was.. huh.. waste money.. den i saw the real results... lol =) she promised me a present!! and it's gonna be a big one.. cos it's 2 in one.. xmas plus a dist for grade six theory.. lallalaa~~

so it's school... den presentation and den stayed back in school till like wad.. ten??? ma ma ma.. how much longer are u gg to torture us... but at least i'm pretty much done.. even if it's not correct.. we did out best... it feels good to be in this state.

one meal a day.... oh wells. i better faster do my ma.. cos i'm so sure someone would just nag at me to do it quick.. ahahha.

i should be enjoying this process.. but somehow... i;m afraid of wad it will lead to. yet again.

Your Birthdate: August 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

people are nagging at me to blog and update so here i am. bear with me, i think this will be a long entry.

talentime has come to an end when the curtains came down on the finals one night ago. it was a success without any major problems cropping up. people enjoyed themselves and contestants were happy. one problem would be that it ended too late. many people reached home late or had to cab home. i had to ask my mum to come down and pay for my very expensive cab fare home from one end of singapore to the other. however, the sense of achievement i feel is beyond any words and like what ds said, i've achieved what i set out to achieve and i'm really happy for that.

i should be out celebrating or i should be letting my hair down after one month of work and all but immediately after i finish with talentime, projects and tests are already piling up high. there's like no break in between for me to let loose or something. take this beautiful saturday for example, i should be going out, doing some catching up with my girlfriends and all.. but i'm waiting at home for my classmates to come to do project. we're going to finish it i hope, by hook or by crook.

just to sidetrack... ds said i got no life to be hanging out with my girlfriends on a friday night.. hmmm... look who's talking about no life here mans... hmph. watched perhaps love with them yesterday. it really is like a chinese version of moulin rouge. not too bad.. but angel... issit really worth 5 stars? have my doubts.

was supposed to go out this morning with amelia to settle some stuff.... but i am too tired. i hardly get to sleep in anymore so i kinda postponed it.

although i've been very busy and i might have complaints here and there, i'm glad for this endless things to do in a way. it takes my mind off alot of stuff.. especially in the month of december. it can help me take my mind off how much i dislike the joyous season that many might be looking forward to. memories will flood back and the only way to stop thinking about such thoughts is to block them by the load of work i have to do.

it's been a year. is it too long or too short for me to still be thinking about it. i've no answers to any questions pertaining to this issue. it looks like i can never answer any of the questions.

too much expectations i guess caused my mild disappontment. but i've given up thinking anymore.

the close proximity. the small touch. hmmmm....

when efforts and sacrifices made are deemed as nothing, my pieces of puzzle starts to fall apart. maybe is over reliance on both parties that caused it to happen but even i don't even believe wad i just typed. because i noe it myself, i'm definitely not what u think and on top of it all, you don't even understand my stand and intentions. no one is making things more complicated for me but you. if it could be counter defense that i don't understand ur intentions and stand, that's only because u chose to keep ur mouth sealed. i have people finally breaking the barrier and telling me how they feel and all. cos of that, work is simplified, i knew where i could deal with and wad i can deal with. nothing can be done when silence is the sole option. that's my believe.

the tears that i fought so hard to hold back refuses to hear my bid any longer. how i long for ~~~
i dun wan anyone taking sides. but neutrality always seem impossible.

you are just out to irritate the hell out of me and making me even more troubled than i already am. thank you very much. i so need this.

i'm finally home before 7. and i even had the time to go rent some comics before i come home. i'm deprived of them ever since i got so busy. hardly have the energy, much less the time to read them. and maybe this explains my chirpy mood this evening.

oh.. but one thing. my tv broke down. the whole house seemed so cold and quiet without the sound of tv. when daddy and mummy gets home.. they can only stare at each other, without anything to do. i refuse to let them in my room to watch tv. only for the privilege of me... but can u blame me? they looked down on tt old tv.. and put it in my room. which means giving it to me. now.. of course i must exercise my rights as the owner of the tv. =)

okie, i'm being lame. but just looking forward to tmr... it's like a mini break free day.. and of course it's cos i can go out with those darlings of mine once again.

sometimes, people's faces and attitudes put me quite off. but i dun need those people to understand anyway.

like omg.. wow... pretty hilarious if u think about it

Orlando Bloom

Whos ur perfect match? (girls and gays only, sorry)
brought to you by Quizilla

all of us at can cafe 

happy birthday chin!!!! 

happy birthday chin! hope this year is a good one for you. i would really love to hear praises instead of naggings through 2006 noe. anyway.. no matter how irritating you are.. to the extent that i wanna slap u real hard.. u're still a dear to me.. always and forever.. i used the word forever, k.. treasure! happy 18th birthday!!

celebrated chin's bdae at can cafe.. it's a nice place. cos i feel that we got the whole place to ourselves. it's like our house.. soo comfy. so of course.. as usual.. we couldn't resist the temptation of taking pics after pics. lol~ had lotsa fun. to make up for a sucky day i would sae... and of course.. our darling chin had to drink up so much that she puked right in the middle of the pavement in the middle of our journey to esplanade! gosh... she dirtied yan's shoes... char's and my feet as well... first time see someone puke sooo much... not going to let her drink anymore mans... chin.. tt's a warning! either u stonned.. or u progressed and puke.

i love u guys alot. meet up soon please..

i need a fresh new sheet of paper to begin with. too much thoughts to be cleansed and to be cleared. i don't want to think of certain impossibilities anymore. i don't want.. don't want.

have serious monday blues today. and esplanade is one place to release them. whoever said that memories will fade away as time passes ought to be shot. it simply doesn't work that way.

i'm tired... and old. =/

feel pretty out of sleep, out of cash, out of energy and out of brain power. it all started with a very rushy friday i had.

ended class at 5... needed to get home, get ready and change and head to town. but got delayed by an hour.. by the time i got home.. i ve very little time to get ready. had to do it in record time and den cabbed down to town. and mind you, cabbing is something i've not done for quite some time.

met up with yan and char, together with dal and eve, we went to chinablack. stayed till 12 plus? my stomach felt a little wierd and empty at the same time so we went for supper. didn't manage to eat finish before my stomach felt wierd and too full... before i know it, my throat got really dry and needed water to badly.. tt when i gulped water down, i had to puke the next second. everything happened so fast. reached home byt cab and slept only at 3 with the intention to wake up at 8.. cos i'm meeting the gang at 10 in town..

when i woke up this morn, was horrified to see that it's 9:50... had to get ready quickly again and cabbed to town again. we went cuppage's party world... from 11 to 2... thought that i would stonned pretty much but wad was i thinking.. i was with my darlings leh.. how to mans... after singing out hearts out.. which i did enjoy alot. love them so much.. it's so nan de tt al 5 of us get together and xin even gave her virginity to us. =)

afte tt.. had to rush off to meet my cousins. would really love to spend more quality time with my friends.. but i had an appointment with my cousin. we went for buffet sushi.. as jie was craving for sushi. den we walked ard town.. and already, i eyed on many stuff tt i want.. but i am damn broke.. i want tt jacket.. tt skirt.. tt top!!!! hmmmm... enjoyed time with my cousin.. it feels goood. and if only i wasn't bothered halfway by some problems... which always seem to bug me anyway.

the funny thing was tt all 3 of us kena bird shit... lol.... we are soo lucky lor.. our first times man. and by the time we chit chatted finish and all... it's time to get home.. i'm lucky to get the last train but not so lucky to get the last bus.. cabbed hm from tampines.. and here i am.. so tired... tmr going to meet amelia.. better rest well. =) i wanna be in good condition... and it's town again....

you are so careful with ur words and action tt i find it hard to fathom. but one thing's for sure.. ur smile curls my lips up as well.

Your French name is
~Gentille~
which means 'kind'.
You value things like friendship and loyalty. You
are caring and very nice to everyone, not only
those you care about. You have a small group of
friends that you love and are probably very
accepting.


What is your French name?
brought to you by Quizilla

okie. dal says i'm not updating so here goes.

a nice and cold tues i had. talentime prelims started for 2 days. the first day i would say is not good at all. everyone complains.. grumbles and get on my nerves. as in my weak mentality supporting line is not think enough. however, today is much better. people start telling me things like it's better and i have understanding people like you.. makes my day better. =)

had to go down chinatown to echobeats and discuss some stuff with this guy. he's a pretty nice guy, i would sae.. not too bad looking as well. but the place is freaking cold. as if outside not ocld enough.. he gave me some contacts and all.. seeing more hope now and direction.

i don't know wad's wrong. i want to show my concern.. but i dunno are u just being plain extra sensitive... it's tiring to make guesses all the time. =/

anyway... after talking to the director of echobeats... dal and i went to eat frog leg porridge. silly dal calls it sweet frog. lol~ ordered one large one... so afraid we cannot finish.. den we sat there and chat. feels good. atmosphere right... food right.. everything just feels so comfy and nice. i could have sat there longer lor. just an extra info.. my first time eating tian ji zhou.. ahahahha~ not too bad... =)

so this mounts and explains why i'm in such a good mood now and maybe due to the fact tt i'm talking to you. okie... just a random thought. anyway, thanks dal for the company.... =)

and thanks jy and nina... lalala~

other people such as audience will never understand the hard work behind every organising com. no matter what happens to the results at the end of the day, good or bad, the hard work is still undeniable. concrete and solid.

i'm left so weak and vulnerable that any kindness people showered on me, be it out of sympathy or genuine concern, brings tears to my eyes. how i detest this person that i see in the mirror. yet again.

people may think i am over reacting and i don't expect anyone to understand but i'm sincerely concerned. out of the bottom of my heart. i know being exasperating doesn't help but i don't know what i can do to help. advice falls on deaf ears and knowing that someone i care might be getting cheated. this feeling that i feel is beyond any words can say. i know this is none of my problem. i jolly well don't even have to give a damn. but i care and it's just getting into me.

this similiar feeling came not only once this week. so angry and frustrated that i don't know what to do with the tears that threaten to brim over any minute. this is the reason why i detest this feeling or when this emotion gets the better of me.

and it so happen that i have to hear it being mention again~ again and again. everytime i think i'm fine and ready to take this test. i fail it badly every time. i hate to admit so many things, even to myself, much less to anyone out there. i hate how much at the mere mention of it, i crumple so easily. i hate myself failing so badly. on this stage especially.

i don't need anyone to understand me. i can't expect everyone will. i freaking don't care. just don't pretend u know what i'm going through and fucking hell think you do. that's one generous act of sympathy that i reckon.

slept at 3 plus in the morning and woke up at 9 is definitely not a good idea and not to be done too often. because right now, i'm freaking tired. jie's coming back in like 5 hours time or something and i really want to go pick her up.. but i'm super super tired. gonna catch some sleep before another round of gathering with my darlings. and hopefully with the addition of yan.

went to sch in the morning and waited for the stage guy to come by and set the stage up. angel and chin came to join me. we ended up playing in the club house when i did have some serious work to do. the stage is finally set up.. one burden off my shoulder man. and i love it. looks pro. =)

left sb straight after and head down marina's coffee club... and den went to esplanade and wait for the sun to set. we were all listening to mp3.. with both me and angel leaning on poor chin. and end up.. all 3 of us fell asleep. when we woke up.. the sky has already darkened. den we walk down to orchard and angel and i were singing all the way.. from some pop song.. and as usual.. always end up in hymms. lol.. we are seriously craving for k box... XIN!!!! if u're anywhere out there, striving hard for f maths... faster, k. we're waiting for u to go k box with us!!

by the time we reached orchard.. all 3 of us are quite stony... very very tired. took a quick dinner.. and left town. when i came back, i realised i had a pile of things to be done. yawns.. and now.. i'm dead tired. hope mum doesn't insist i wake up for breakfast.

dad's back! =)

happen to read someone's blog and it brings back so much of my own memories. how many times is this going to happen.. over and over again.. i'm tired. of myself and of my reactions and my emotions.

i had enough of it.

lightings in orchard 

waiting for the sun to set by esplanade 

the talentime stage... i think it's very pretty... =) 

so LOST in school 

 

we were THAT bored 

a potrait of myself that i drew.. which got me a series of comments as shown 

sometimes, all you need is a long hearty chat with an old and good friend to make things better all over again. i agree with you.. the good old days.

it's the weekends again and i'm all out to enjoy before the torturous prelims begin. actually, it is not so bad once things start to be in place. however, all i see now are scattered bits and pieces and i have to be an expert in jigsaw to win this round. but first thing is to get the cds more or less ready. and this, i thank eve and haz for helping me get things done. my first confirm piece of jigsaw.

anyway, meeting angel and chin later.. as in 11 am.. cos it's like 3 plus in the morning?! so sweet of them to volunteer to wait with me in school for the stupid stage guy. during those time tt we wait.. i've already planned out wad's to be done and all. and i simply want to hang out with them.. miss them soo much.. not so much of chin la.. cos just saw her on tues.. more of angel! my darlinggg.

it could get so vexing, so stressing, so uptight.. but at the end of the day... if no solutions are made.. it's still a blank piece of paper. pray for me... and i want my k box sessions, mahjong sessions.. cycling... with all of u guys. u all should noe who u are.

i hate this. everytime i'm not eating well, my body shows all the signs of it. damn.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorableEven a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's lifeBy giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofseducerareyouquiz/">What Kind of Seducer Are You?

have been watching tv since i woke up. cannot believe how lucky i am to be able to catch all the good shows today. but because of this little lucky spark i have, i threw my agenda of the day far far away into the back of my mind. but anyway, i'm back now to strat the long list of things i have to do.

so glad to have met up with my all time fav girl yesterday. it feels so long since i last saw any of them and this morn, i finally understood why did chin reject me or not caught any hint tt i dropped. nonetheless, u're forgiven because of ur msg this morn that saved u. anyway, drank at our ldf yesterday night. our next time visit is to venture in, tt's a promise. did not really felt like drinking cos my tummy wasn't feeling that well but i ended up drinking a little and eating a huge amount of food though i was super bloated already. i don't know what came over me but i just felt like eating and when i came home after 12, i even considered stopping over at the pertrol kiosk, getting one tub of ice cream. must be the stress level. having this little eating disorder nowadays. =/

i hate it when my feelings and emotions can be so easily manipulated but why is it that i always succumb only to those who can do so. there are so many questionable things in my life. i don't want to touch them now. don't have the time. once again, i learnt that we should not always depend on people. as much as i love assistant, i don't have the ability to control and understand those 10% type of human in this world. to understand and be comfortable with them.. it takes so much effort. tiring, it definitely is.

somethings i just can't wait and somethings just cannot wait for me.

The Loner THis guy has more adventures than you and your
boaring life will ever have. He is quick and
fast,so he wont wait long for you to make the
decision. Dont completely give yourself up..
but f you want adventure.....

Who is your dream guy (Awsome anime Pictures)(10 outcomes)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are lukewarm! Your heart is good and whole, but
you have built a wall around it, so no-one can
see the true you. Shine, and show your
colours-you will make a beautiful rainbow.
Please rate and message!

How Cold is Your Heart? ^Pretty Pics^ *Many Outcomes*
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Fire Faerie! You are an energetic and
lively soul who is always the life of the
party. You may be short tempered at times, but
your friends can deal with you. When it comes
to love, you are very passionate. You are very
determined and even stubborn at times, but if
anyone is pushing you or your loved ones
around, they don't want to be in your
way.

Element:Fire
Wing Color:Red and/or Orange
Powers:Flame and Telekenesis
Gemstone:Ruby
Flower:Rose

What Kind of Faerie Are You?(Beautiful Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

You will have a Content love. Not
boring, but without fights and problems. You
will just... be in love. Simple as that. As a
person, you're not the one who laughs highest
or most often, nor the one in the dark corner
crying. You are the one who sits watching
everyone else, often with a little smile
playing on your lips. To you, life is good and
you will get what you wish for. You will fall
for someone who is himself, and lets you be
you.

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the depressed, sad, always unhappy girl. You
never think of anything as good. You probably
should lighten up a little and try to be happy.

What is your personality? (girls only, great anime pics!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

playing games to get my mind off certain stuff. guess it works for tonight but this kind of thing just doesn't work everytime when u want it to. just tonight. lol... i even got lucky and won some jackpot... =)

i don't have to be who i'm not. i'm tired of trying so hard already. i'm not going to let it bother me. i know who i am. and those who know me too. please give me the faith and trust. no one can pass judgement without getting any facts right. and anyway, who's the real judge of life.

i'm waiting.. and i'll still be waiting.

i miss u, guys.

was wondering if anyone heard of this game "billionaire". It is not a board game. just a pack of cards and a little suitcase to go with it. it's like a mini trading game. the more the merrier. people in the game gets to shout a max of 4 cards to trade at one go and it's a first come first serve basis. just like in the trading pit. anyway, when i was attending fm tutorial yesterday, this game suddenly pop into my head. am wondering if i still have that game. somewhere in the storeroom maybe? it would be fun to bring out and play once again.

as much as i want to continue watching bleach or reading it... i've many stuff to keep me busy with. dead tired today. my mentality is waning low. gets pretty uptight easily. there's not one second that i can keep my phone on silent without worrying anyone important might call or something. everything's happening very fast. finding it difficult to concentrate. damn... i'm simply just very very tired. full stop.

if i can hang on till the 25th, i promise myself a good treat. it's always good to have something to look forward to. and those guys who are taking a levels... all the best to u all. jia you and take care! can't wait to hang out and ve fun again!

need the support, need the care.... it's always enough to get me back. especially if it's....

a nice day spent though i went to sch rather early and came home late. my contacts got so dry that they stuck to my eyeball a little.. lol.. tt's gross, i noe.

went school to collect notes and realised that the class funds that i thought could last us to year 3 cannot last us till den and i've to collect money again... it's not an easy job but i dun mind. den rushed down to mlt 2 to have our gems-- securing ur pc. hmmm.. wad should i sae but it's super boring. i'm interested in protecting my pc... but this is boring. then i realised tt many people i noe registered this gem as well.

ta1 is not exactly anywhere near interesting either... lol. my mind was a little everywhere i guess... talentime, ds, keys... lol.. and all the wierd things. and then comes the good part... dinner at tcc was great... didn't get to eat my fav warm lava choc cake cos i thought i wld give other dessert a try.. but nahs.. lave chocolate cake is still the best!!! =) after tt.. went bugis to shop a little... bought tiny stuff.. and sat down for some late night dessert...

nice day... nice food... spent little money... =)

this week is supposedly to be my first week back in school but it doesn't even feel that way. mon's class was cancelled, tues ph, wed short day, thurs ph and then tmr is another short day as well. i rather not ve school and one more week of holidays mans. tt would definitely be much much better.

have been reading through my archives, 2 years back and now and realised how much i've grown. how much things have changed but mainly how much i've changed. remembered good times, sweet times and as well as those days of sorrow and "hardship". and because i've read through my archives, i realised one very important thing tt i've been neglecting. one very important fact.

even if it were to take a long time, there's no short cut out of this. if i were to take one year plus that time... doing it the way that it should be done, i see no reason why i'm avoiding this long road now. if t works, it should be done. at least it would definitely be better than a short cut that gets me more twisted as i go along. and not solving anything at the end of the day.

talked to chin last night for a long time. it's been such a long time since we last did it. thanks chin. talking to u always makes me feel better. sharing things with u makes it seem clearer and giving me more confidence on this road tt i would be heading. at least i noe where i'm gg and i've let u noe. this way, i'm not alone.

i'm currently living in a pigsty called my room. it's diff to walk ard in my room due to the mess. i keep saying i want to clean up but apparently.. i'm not doing it. i need a nightlamp too! maybe i should clear this mess during the weekends. i should i should.

i'm hooked onto bleach currently... damn nice!!! =)

it's the start of registration. i realised that i'm venturing on a safe mode and not a daring to try type of mode. i just want to get things done but not atempting to make things better. dun think this should be the attitude but it's too late to change some stuff that i thought can make things better anyway.

my 2 girlfriends came my place to chill today. funny i use the word chill when half the time, they're suffering in the heat of my house. didn't do anything much. just sat ard, chit chat a little and watched tv. if only they could stay over.

felt utterly and hopelessly useless. i dun like the person i am right now. i ate cup noodles for dinner. so much for being healthy... i'm slipping back into my old pathetic lifestyle.

i told myself that i should put a stop to this. so no more anticipation and no more hoping. i'm a practical person and i will stay this way.

quite a few events happened that i dunno how to add another atomic bomb on top of it all. i really want to tell you but i guess.. this is not the right time....

i sincerely hope that this would be a better start. have been going through a roller coaster ride of emotional turmoil, trying various methods to step out. to change. although i'm back at square one now, i know what am i going to do next and where am i heading next. i want to step out. i want this. i know i do.

dear god, i'm trying really hard. is there no limit or no end to this and maybe in the eyes or others, i could still go on longer or try harder. right at this seemed saturation point of mine, every single step out is torturous and alomst unbearable. things look harder and harder as i attempt to take a wobbly step out.

woke up late today, with no appetite. my immune system still feels down. didn't want to eat anything but dad's at home and he bought beehoon for me. he insisted i eat something so i took it as dinner. stomach's not feeling good. nothing's feeling good anyway. but i'm trying. hard.

on a lighter context, the skill of frying an egg amazes me. to keep a yolk liquid even after 10 hours or more.

today is the start and also the preparation. tmr is the first real test. i want to pass it and not fail badly like all the rest of my other tests.

i can't help thinking of you. i know i shouldn't because you would only make me repeat a vicious cycle of hurt and pain. yan is right. i need what's good for me and not only what i want. but i'm who i'm. i'm always a person wanting what i want. and not wad's good for me. this is a fact that's hard to alter.

give me strength.

the power of friendship and extent of concern does not come from words but actions instead. thanks once again for this wonderful bunch of girlfriends i have. thanks angel for her little whistle and that lucky moon charm and thanks boon for her hu shen fu. you guys are really sweet and thanks for the little gathering we had. i feel loved!!

now we know i'm not who you want
i should let you go

off to china!

very tired. my eyelids feel as heavy as lead and are threatening to close on me anytime...

rushed vcds till 4:30 in the morning. i like the show so much that i could not bear to miss it during my days in china next week, so i rented all the vcds and finished them in one shot. meeting at 9 this morning. was supposed to wake up at 7 but i overslept. when my mum woke me up at 8, my mind went into blank for 10 seconds and the first thought tt came into my mind was am i late for an exam!? lol~

3 meetings in a day and a jab to end things off. my arm is aching a little now, feeling heavy. is my reaction slow or what ar.

feeling so darn bad this week. trying to meet up and keep all my promises and as well as get ready for my trip and ensure everything is in good hands before i leave singapore. all these are making my head spin so fast that before i knew it, i'm like totally packed with activities. maybe this might be the last time i blogged before i leave... or maybe not..

goodnight to myself.. zzz

i hate days like these. concrete flat broke days. how terrible and pathetic, without money to even travel to and fro. now... where did i spend all the money this month? on the drinks and all? i dun think so, but i dun recall feasting that often either. money always disappear mysteriously.

so i await the beautiful children's day, which marks the first of the month as well. as a lump sum cash would come rolling my way. i better start scrimping and saving a little. i dun wanna be so pathetic this month end anymore. tuned in to star movies the whole of these two days and watched many many old movies. since when did angelina jolie starred in so many of these shows and boy, her image in the past was not the least bit appealing to me.

brand new day, saturday. decided to start it off with a jog in the morning. den i'm going to make my own breakfast. den darling angel would pop by and we'll head to toa payoh together. and due to my craving for steamboat.. i might make my way to marina again.. the smelly stinky place. but tis time. i would be so much more prepared. when money comes round the corner, leona's mood hightened. =) i'm already loving october.

13 hours of sleep and i woke up to a minor hangover. looks like i'm going to stay stoney for the rest of this beautiful first post-exam day. but oh wells... yesterday was quality time spent.

yesterday marks the end of exams! like finally.. but i've got lots of other things on my mind to settle at the same time so not totally free. anyway... went home after exams with the intention to bathe and change and EAT something before i head out. however, a certain someone talked to me till like wad... 3:30 and i'm supposed to meet my friends at 4:30 in town. rushed like mad after hanging up the phone, no time to bathe. could only do the necessary before i went out.

headed to town to catch corpse bride. had to grab a quick bite because my gastric is acting up again. though the pain did not totally go away, but it didn't hurt as much. i was craving for oyster omelette badly thus, we went to chomp chomp for dinner. ahaha~ didn't know how to go there from town so we took a cab.. 10 bucks.. damn ex.

chin, yan and i had a mini feast at chomp chomp mans. oyster omelette, clamps with chilli, stingray, sugarcane drink, hokkien mee, dumpling soup, chicken wings!!! and dessert. maybe i ate too fast or something, but my tummy wasn't feeling very well all this time. but the food was goood... realy goood. after our dinner, went 7-11 to get drink. we sat at the benches and started drinking.

by the time we're leaving, i was really feeling unwell. think i went too easy on the drinks and drank a little over my limit plus my tummyache. after last night, i swore that i'm going to cab home everytime i drink over my limit. the whole train ride is so uncomfy.. the urge to puke was so strong. i'm glad i could make my way home still, safe and sound. came home, did the necessary and collapsed on bed.

till now.

angel darling... jia you!! run for ur last lap now and go all the way... i believe in hard work pays off.. so ya. all the best!!!

cooked breakfast this morning. 2 eggs, 2 sausages and because i don't have bread at home to toast, i steamed 2 baos instead. i must admit, it looks pretty hilarious when i placed them on the plate. it's fusion, western plus eastern breakfast. it's yummy but i guessed all the food has digested because i'm feeling hungry now. very hungry.

this is the thing about staying home alone but i guess i rather stay hungry than have company still. switching betwwen online pool and fa. when i'm tired of studying, i'll play pool and when i keep losing, i know it's time to hit the books once again. nothing much memorised.. guess i might not get my 8 hours of sleep tonight. my healthy lifestyle is falling apart and i know it and i guess that's it. no more explanations.

like i said, it's time to straighten things out. i wish i could do what you could do. but fact will always remain a fact. i can't do it and it's already fixed. nothing's gonna change again. this is it.

when i woke up this morning and pieced my broken illusions back to a piece, the image of my dream came alive once again. i thought those previous visions i had before were haunting but this was even worse. i admit defeat. just for a moment, i let my pride and ego down, for myself. indeed, lies are meant to be discovered. i'm not good at lying to myself after all. thought i could do better than this and that this treatment can last longer but at the end of the day, it remained a pack of lies behind those delusions.

i spent the time questioning myself. what is it that i cannot face. is it the big R or losing the big thing. do they mean the same after all. i can never unlock this chain and i'm not trying hard enough to. ironic it may seem but nothing is making sense these days. at times, i feel so short of breath, so lack of space yet this vast area seems so big alone. contradicting thoughts never leave me. they stay close to me, driving me to despondency.

i need a change. faith is all i've got.

my stained hands and soul will never make me the same before. desires surround me every now and then and i have to fight them alone. this will be it and this will remain it. period.

this hurts. it really does. i would be fine if i noe the hurt is worth it and tt i wld recover, but i see despair, i dun see any hope and yet it still hurts... owww....

a tiny dosage can last me slightly more than a hour. this is more than enough and it's only a luxury tt i allow myself once in a while. not very healthy i would say.

and my previous entry seemed to have cause a little commotion among all horoscope. lol~ for leos... how shld i put it. either we become goood friends or enemies. leos with leos are very extreme. either black or white. no grey areas allowed... =) do i answer u, evelyn.. ahaha~

everytime when darkness hits me right into my face and gets me down and all, i've so many pairs of hands reaching out to me. sorry for making you guys worry, i'm fine. because nothing will get me down. so no worries. and jie is right.. i've control over my own life. no one but myself controls my life. must be due to the upcoming exams and some happenings around me that almost threaten to take over my life but ya, thanks for all those hands. ahaha~ i'm a survivor.

i really do believe in things like fate, predestiny and horoscope. i believe in all the timings and signs in life. lol~ maybe that's why i feel that it's not a coincidence that all virgos in my life become such important people and how much they mean to me. and i always have a soft spot for virgos too! it feels like no matter how hot headed i am, refusing others, virgos have the capability to make me listen to them. okok.. maybe it's just such a big coincidence but i've already 3 such virgos in my life. and not forgetting saggitarius... lalala~

today's mooncake festival as well as the 49th monthsary of boon and i. this year, the urge to celebrate is strong... got yan and chin to come my place. anticipating lanterns, mooncakes and fire! ahaha~ no books today.. giving myself a break to pamper myself and get myself back to the right mood.

nothing get this girl down anymore.

as the loneliness sinks in once again, the girl questions her existence. if things always turn out in a pattern that she could already forsee, why did she plunge in again and again. don't she deserve something more? maybe this is the fairness that's supposed to be.

as the night drags longer each time she lay in bed, the emptiness she felt gets stronger. fond memories rush in and out. pictures forming in her mind over and over again. pictures that were torn, dreams that were broken returns to haunt her each night. why issit the same old dream, she wonders. no one can answer, no one can wipe away the tears that threaten to brim over her edge of eyes. and all she could do is lie still and allow the tears that always promise a better tmr to flow. she did not even attempt to wipe them away as it would be pointless anyway.

even when the night turns into day and the sun attempts to shine in her room. she shunned it all away. she grew to like darkness, allowing the dark to haunt her. no amount of sunlight can penetrate through. even when the sun attempts to dry up her tears, she refuses it. she remember reading it from somewhere that in order for wounds to heal, she got to open up forthe sun to come in. she knows this theory very well. but too much sunlight scares her. she's not prepared because she believes that the sun will set and the night will fall again. she has reduced herself to someone who believes in vicious cycles and she's in a cycle that she can't get out. no matter how hard she try.

how cruel life may seem but she held on and move on, blocking a certain part of her away in the day. sometimes if she's lucky, she would be able to block it off at night and sleep dreamless. a missing piece of jigsaw will alwys remian missing. when it's not there, no other pictures will be ever complete.

now she just want those haunting dreams to leave her. it's just too much to bear for someone like her. waking up in sweat and tears. but does she really want those dreams to leave her? because it's only in those dreams that everthing is perfect. perfect life. if she had a choice, it wld be exactly wad happened. thought she noes then ending of this story, she wun regret becasue regret is never in her world. that's the only thing that helps push her on.

maybe one day, she will grow to love sunrise and the person she's going to share it with.

a reminder to myself in case i forget... she's returning.

evelyn... why is it that i dun get to catch u online? want to discuss some stuff with you leh....

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Ring out the bells again.
Like we did when spring began.
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost.
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past.
The innocent can never last.
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.

i want ur blessings very much because apparently when i looked back, you've not approve any of my relationships.

i will admit that i'm proud and egoistic. i didn't dare verbalise any thoughts or feelings i had since then. i'm just afraid that once i do so, these thoughts will become a fact and i will look down on myself once again.

and this is really the last thing i want to do right now.

habits are hard to change and hard to kick.
sometimes, people misled themselves into thinking over reliance is love.

on a lighter note...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIE!!!

hope u are having fun over there. i love you.

lots of emotion flooding through me. the start of the month, especially this september. resolutions made due to the upcoming tests and exams. and a small part also because of this day.

just imagine. one year has passed since this day last year. how much things around have changed, how much people have changed and mainly how much i've changed. a girl in the past, who was blinded and saw nothing except "the one" has became someone who see beyond that and more into the future and what lies ahead o her. she has also not failed to notice friends who stood around for her, hanged on and waited for her to realise she went on the wrong path and not giving up for her. i thank god for people he gave me as friends.

all these emotions actually came from a direct mail tt i've received yesterday from jie send all the way from australia. it's so sweet of her and i was truly touched. nice bdae card and though it came late, brought back lots of memories. immediately, i sent her an email. today when i turned on my computer, i actually received a reply. and as i read, i couldn't help feeling tears brimming over over the edge of my eyes.

so jie, if u ever got to read this particular entry, i want to tell u thank you. that period of time was the worst period a girl like me ever experienced. only child who is totally spoilt, never knowing what's failure and being abandoned. that came as a downfall. i learnt to pick up myself after the fall, i learnt to appreciate people around me and u are one of them. i wasn't annoyed with u tt time. i noe u mean well. it's me. so tt's why i thank everyone for being there even when i got myself deeper and deeper into the pit.. u people never let go of the rope to help me back. i'm sorry if i disappoint u at tt time and i'm also sorry to have made u upset. if there's a regret, this would be it cos i only want u to be proud of me. being an only child, u came the closest and almost like an elder sis to me and tt's why, i always feel so loved and not the least bit lonely. is because of u and deb. thank you. u make me miss u soo much cos i can always whine with u... hee hee... and i would always love u and continue making u proud for having a cousin like me! =) miss u lots. and love u!

so much in me that words can no longer express my thoughts anymore. if i were to pen them down, i would be boring every reader that stops by.

i believe that only true friends tell you things that even you yourself cannot see and i'm glad that everytime i got devoured into the darkness, i've friends at the edge reminding me who i am. thanks guys.

i've forgotten when i've lost that touch of it. was it because of the cruelty that people call life or is it just me. what i clearly know is that i don't want to live this way anymore. she's right. sincerity is what others should be treated with. no one likes to live in a made up world, no ones like to be treated with fakeness.

i don't want to lose that glow that i have. i want to resume my dream. that little spark tt others call silly in the past. so wad if it's not practical but at least i noe i will be happy doing it. so this should be it-- move one. everyone needs to dream about the impossible. this is the only thing that keeps one soul alive. i dun wan to own an empty shell. and now i do see the path ahead of me.

ya. this should be it. this is wad life is about. i dun want to be beaten by the saturn and devils who always tempt me into their world. sometimes, i succumb to all the internal weakness and allow them to do so. i know what's important. even if i have to swallow everything by myself, i want to own that beautiful dream. i'm ambitious. i knoe it. i like it.

the nerd and the rebellious 

once again, i wish to stress the word responsibility again. not a big word but one tt carries alot of meaning to me. maybe in singapore, we dun readily accept responsibility. people still needs to take the initiative and not always expect that of others. if i don't do it, does it mean no one will? come on.. no one is indispensible. don't make me feel this way. i'm not even asking too much am i, just take pride in our work. does the word belonginess and ours mean anything to anyone anymore. is ok to be laden with work and all but it also feels good to know that there are people by ur side. the load weighs down much more when one becomes an independent party.

maybe u're right. anger has to be curbed but i've already gone beyond wanting to flare up to total feign ignorance. tt's the worst case i tell u. do not test one's calm water. ripples form and storm follows...

come on. i'm surviving on a very thin thread now. so thin that it can be snapped so easily. quit stepping on my toes.

sunflowers from my girlfriends~!! notice a little champagne rose in the middle? that's from my nu peng you. =) 

flowers from xm for my bdae! ~sweets~ 

every 18th of the month is special to me one way or another. a simple message shows care even though little contact is being made. a little message can brighten up my day and brings a smile to me.

so tt's wad makes every 18 august even more special! i would like to tell boon boon... HAPPY 4TH ANNIVERSARY! we've made it this far and i promise you that we will make this last forever. ur call last night made me realise how precious and dear you are to me. one phone call and i've regained all lost energy. you really really brighten up my day. i'm glad i have u by my side and i want u to be by my side as long as it goes. until u meet ur macho man also cannot abandon me! words no longer can express how important you are but it just tooka phone call to remind me all that. regardless whatever it is, i love you! please... stay happy for me. i want a bright and cheery girlfriend noe! ahhhahha... good luck for prelims and everything else.. dun be so stressed too, k... and lastly once again.. love u to bits!

reading angel's blog.. i always wonder why she got so much to sae de. ahhha.. but it's also good in a way for readers like me. helps to keep me updated about her life. like she went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory!!! hmph...

this weekend i would say is a rather fruitful one. at least i did wad i planned to do during the weekends and got tuff under control. i dunno why but sundays are always lazing days for me. i can spend the whole day glued to the tv set and furthermore, with the upgrade of my scv.... i've like so many channels to choose from every hour of the day. however, on the other hand, it's always sundays where my mind starts to wonder far. i only noe how to tell yan to put things down, move ahead and all those stuff... but guess when it comes to myself, it's pretty much the same situation she's in.

but no worries, cos i'm strong and she is too. in the past, i would love to be dependent. having someone to look out for me. take care of me when i'm sick, worry for me etc. but no, i want very much to be independent. dunno if i'm there yet or not. cos recently when i told someone tt i'm strong and independent, the person actually told me otherwise... but i really feel i am. or rather, i'm there le.

angel saes she wanna be bridesmaid... lol.. and she's blmaing me cos i'm not getting married at 18 like wad i said i would. i even told them tt i'll have a baby each for them to be god mamas of... those were the days mans. how practical things are. it would take me a long while to find my pillar of strength once again.

friends are there when i need them and i noe they will. but i'm still the only one going through the emotional struggle. how much u guys sae u understand, and i noe u guys do, i'm still the one facing my own problems so ya... i'll be able to settle the problems... no worries. dun get me wrong but i appreciate the presence of u guys. supporting me all the way. =)

nothing feels as good as having tasks accomplished. many things to check off my list, both material wise and sch work wise. i'm officially flat broke! but i have a debtor. however, would not receive the money until next week. hmph. scrimping and saving is what i would have to do for this coming week.

some guy i know can really be such a bastard. i don't want to use this word but he really is. how can such words even come out of his mouth and accuse a poor innocent girl who still believes that making peace is the option. gosh... giving him too much benefits is not the option, girl. i know u're nice but some people ar, have to do things the hard way.

sakae-d with chin at funan today. when i was walking around that place before she came, memories just flood in. i dun wanna stop them intentionally but it does leaves me with a sad smile. those morning breakfasts at macs, breaks at the stairs and many many more. some things haven't changed, like the smell of funan and the anderson ice cream tt greets u at the entrance. however, many other things have changed, like the shops and of course, people. oh well..

this weekend better be a fruitful one, like getting my router! ahhha. am tired. shall go catch my sleep.

one surprise after another. i would say they are not pleasant ones. damn.

what happened to privacy and the most basic thing- trust?

who can blame me when i find it hard to trust anymore now. people let me down in one way or another wad.

wadever.

i'm not afriad of being in love or love itself.
i'm afraid of the hurt and pain that comes with it.

if only every month is august... life would be so good then.

went to look around for laptops today with mum. good luck was bestowed on me. the salespersons we met today are all not too bad looking guys. friendly also. my silly mother ar, purposely one. go ask them for their names. i know she did it on purpose. when we came home, she was like telling me.. err.. that one not bad hor.. tall and handsome.. gosh. take one of their namecards also... lol

i'm tired. very tired. haven't been sleeping well. done up crm finally. it's gonna be a long week ahead. thank god for my country's birthday. =)

am i really that slow or what. i always thought i'm sensitive enough but how can i fail to notice the feelings that's still around after quite some time. besides truly appreciating from the bottom of my heart, wad else can i do. i wish i had a better solution to this. it shouldn't feel like a problem and definitely not a burden but my heart really feels like lead at this point of time. it's ironic but i want to be loved at the same time not. but nonetheless, i thank you. thanks for telling me everything. really.

i'm totally into mini cornettos. they are soo puny. tiny they are to my hands and appetite that i could gobble up one whole box of 12. -loves-

the weekends are here again. one thing why i like the weekends is because i can work till the wee hours and not worry about not having enough sleep the next day. tt's wad i'm gonna do tonight because i've taken a nap in the afternoon, something tt's against my principles. but oh wells...

sometimes, being the bad guy is the hardest role in the whole play. the internal turmoil eventualy evolves into confusion and pain. torn between the right and the wrong, with everyone pointing fingers at you and accusing you. without the least bit of undersatnding in them. on the other hand, the good guy is not a easy role too. human nature states that good people would be taken advantage of and trampled all over. so wad does tt leaves us with? being the audience. they just watch as events in life unfold slowly one after another, with occasional comments. they are simple and plain. tt's totally not me and not who i want to be.

it's a tough job to educate and bring up a child. how do u teach them to differentiate what's wrong and right. how do you make them learn yet at the same time, not appear to be too opinonated. and when they are wrong, how do u lead them back to the correct path and let them knoe you're helping them. and... who are parents to judge wad's wrong and right. they're also learning life at the same time their kids are. the only diff would be they're taken more steps than their children in life. parents forgive their children but who's to forgive them when they make the mistake. it take mutual understanding. totally not easy. nonetheless, we learn. challenges are wad makes life worth living for.

a day where lots of past memories flood my mind.

i guess angel is right. i'm in a pretty good mood these days, even without myself realising it. so good that i even allow myself to sin bt eating a snickers chocolate bar. god~ how i love the caramel flowing out and chocolate melting in my mouth. it's been so so long. now, where can i get better girlfriends like those i have. know me inside out and even better, know how i feel even before i know it.

chocolate, flowers, hugs and kisses... reminds me the feeling love. a forbidden word that i never thought i would use again but ya, here i am. it takes lessons learnt to know who i truly am and what i truly want.

i have many great plans for the remaining part of 2005, mainly after the china trip. ambitious, ambitious. it takes capital to do great things as well. planning is important, i have to admit. but live a day as it is. don't worry about problems you cannot solve now. happiness is the most important thing in life. it's too short to live only for something or someone only.

i'm craving for great pampering from people....

anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVE! hope it was a great one for u today! i'll pray hard that whatever wishes u made would come true. go feast with me sooooon.. i dun care!

http://www.mambo.com.au/mambo.html

got to check out this mambo webbie. cools!! love some of the watches. hee

pretty watch~ loves~ found this while surfing 

they say once bitten, twice shy. how very very true. moreover, i've been bitten more than once. so i'll shun for the rest of my life? haha~

nice day i would sae. though i woke up in blurness and made lotsa blunders. hopefully i can skip school tmr... hoping and hoping.

and angel, i love you! boon boon, i love you too! i love yan and chin! all my frens! i love my loyal loyal servant too! i'm in a pretty goood mood!! *loves*

black. white. grey.

in the past, i used to think black and white should be clearly defined and no grey areas should appear. it's my belief. a strong belief and i lived my life with that belief. however presently, i'm allowing grey areas to appear all over in my life and i'm not making any effort to clear those areas. my mindset has changed and so has my life.

holidays have passed just like tt. hectic as it may seem, i found it well spent. i'm losing my 8 hours of sleep though and this is not good. i'm suffering from extreme fatigue. and at the same time, i'm eating like a pig. i just can't stop the urge of wanting to bite into something. time to change alter my lifestyle a little. i don't want to look like a pig even before i go china.

dad cooked dinner today. hmmm... i would just sae it's average. but i felt his effort in it and it's all that matters. yan came over today. talking to her always gets me thinking. about everything. my past, my present and my future. suddenly remembered how bitterly i cried one night in front of someone. in those days, i portrayed all signs of weaknesses. one could crush me easily, without any effort. i guess that was when i began to build a wall around me. oh wells.

i'm really tired. though i didn't do a single thing. good start i would like.

a pretty morning i want to see. ugly things are supposed to vanish once i go to sleep. it must be the tiredness that caused it. i had a very funny dream just now. i so want to share with eve.

a long and tiring day yesterday, but nonethesless, everything was worth it. sb club in the morning and then spring cleaning of club house. sb club sb club, though we all know how s*re*ed up it is, i hope there's at least some democracy in it and next week, i'm going to prove this point. and hopefully, i would be right.

in the evening, went down ntu with amelia to visit henz's hostel. hmmm, not very much different from the one i visited back in perth but just rather run-down. he said that there are better hostels, so we wanted to walk further down to take a look but when i stepped into his hostel, i seriously do not want to move anymore. feeling pretty homey and lazy yesterday so we ordered kfc. ate at the tv loungue tt has no channeul u.. cannot watch my superstar.. played mini mahjong... would post the picture up soo. lazy to do it this morning.

anyway, hope he did have a wonderful time yesterday with good memories created. ha. when i reached home, i was dead tired. couldn't even move. slept till now. good. aim to complet crm by today. by hook or by crook.

buses always come when one least expects it. but when you're waiting and hopping on one foot, glancing down the road every few seconds, buses seem to take forever to come. waiting time is always perceived to be shorter when one has lesser expectations of others and of surroundings. surprises may even appear round the corner. however, when one impatient chap waits, everything would be deem slower than normal and therefore, waiting time increases. one's mindset and mentality is very important in whatever he or she does.

the same type of love would not come knocking on your door twice. every feeling is special and very much one of a kind. no matter how great it used to be, how much u missed those times and how much u cherished and hope it would appear once again, it would not happen. feelings and emotions are very individualistic. every relationship is special on its own for people to learn so that they would not make the same mistake twice.

so ya, anyway, i'm in a good mood today. nothing beats waking up to a new start of a new chapter. fresh beginnings. my mood is so good that i became a sinful girl today. cannot stop eating at all. eve even said i was very horrible but really, it's good to be able to eat like today and of course, i can't do it often. i guess the big appetite has also got to do with a special period of the month. appetite increases everytime of the month.

i'm happpy happpy. settled wad's for tmr too. we were thinking and thinking so much where to go and our especially tight budget and poof! the idea came and we decided to go his hostel instead. cheap food, cosy and definitely fun! =)

life is good and i love all my frens out there!

hehehe.. i forgot to add who i am.. hehe
heythere.. let me do a introduction..
i am angel.. hahas.. but i think i appear on the tagboard so often it is hard not to noe who i am la.. hehe..
that girl is cooking right now..
take care of this girl for me yea?? hehe.
lalala..~angel flyyyS off..

lalala i love this girl of mine. hahaas.
yummies. love you girl!! ehehe.
altho you are a pig to make me come all the way to your house ar.. hhahas.. but nevermind.. i miss you too much to care.. hehehee.
yummies girl.. take care of yourself yea??
noe your holidays is probably going to be filled with super alot of things..
and i noe you gonna be so busy ar..
but don't stress yourself up yea??
alright i so sad!! you just came into the room!
humphs. hahaas.. not surprising anymore..
bleah. *stick out my tongue at you*
alright alright.. take care!!
gonna miss you lots!! =)

i wonder if wad i did was wrong or right. i don't wish for this to happen but happy times won't stick around for long. haven't i learn it the hard way already. the air has to be cleared one day anyway.

even when i was looking for company, i didn't know how to broach the topic. god, can things be made simpler for me.

i'm just a selfish, unreasonable brat who deserves retribution.

a nice, lazy day. just slacking around, doing the necessary. everything feels good. and to top it off, i prepared dinner. pasta and stir-fried prawns. just trying out some recipe. and tt equals to the one and only meal i had for the day. no wonder, my tummy feeling a little hungry again. if only i have someone living near me who would accompany me for supper as and when i feel like it.

did some packing of my room. i really need a new cupboard and two separate table. one study table and one dressing table. how can both purpose be combined into one like wad i'm doing now. simply not enough space. think some time at the end of the year, i'm going to revamp my room. do a little painting, buying of new furniture.. maybe tt's when new tv and hi-5 set would come in. =)

rented 4 vcds to watch today and i finished two. one of them is anger management. lol. thought it would do me some help to watch that.. hee hee. invited angel over to my house tmr. more vcds and i'm gonna cook dinner. girl bonding... life is great right at this moment. free, relaxed and easy. =)

a long and tiring week has just passed. eve and i practically ate out 4 days out of 5 this week, reaching home no earlier than 9. when we were walking out of school at 6 plus when the sky is still bright, eve even made a comment that today is the earliest time tt we're leaving school. oh well... i'm enjoying my life right now. that's what matters, isn't it?

however, i guess we're pretty screwed up for our presentation this morning. i feel largely responsible for it. but there's nothing i can do now but wait for the final verdict. so i'm trying not to let it bother me too much.

my holidays have officially started but i'm not going to be free at all. i'm trying to squeeze time out for everybody and at the same time for all my projects and the coming tests after school reopens. this busy busy life, i like. it takes my mind off things i don't want to think, at the same time, I'm not idling my time away. kill two birds with one stone. hee. and angel darling.. i miss you alot too. there's simply too much to tell but no time to do it. i wan coffee, i wan enjoyment too. but times tt i'm free.. i dun think u wld be free cos it's mainly evening onwards. i miss all my girlfriends out there. i hope everyone's happy and healthy.

this holiday, i've yet to plan out strategically what i would do but i'm definitely going to give myself time to enjoy, indulge in my beloved comics and just enjoy time alone. really need that. i've got things and committment on my side and at the same time, i wanna sort out some thoughts. apparently, some things just cannot stay a mist always. and i wanna take this weekend and cook for my dad. i'm sure he misses my cooking and poor him, don't know whether he got take dinner at all this whole week when i'm busy or not. so am gonna whip up special things for him. so it's basically taking some off time to myself for peace and quietness. =)

i like the way my life is now and i've no intention to change it for anyone. freedom is what i value most now (other than comics, of course). don't push me and destroy whatever good feelings in between.

feeling funny all over.
cold and hot at the same time.
pain in the head.
not much appetite.

think it must be due to the recent extreme temperatures of singapore. my body seems to be anticipating something to happen. but no, not now. cannot let it happen. got to postpone it.

amelia sent me a message today. brought back memories. oh wells...

what a weekend i had. lost the freedom of having the house all to myself. somehow or another, i feel that i can do things better when i'm alone at home. enjoy the space and the luxury of being tomyself, having to face and account to no one byt myself.

after handing up the 2 reports, took a break which turn out to be a long one. spent these two days doing nothing but indulging in my favourite pastimes of all-- comics. it feels so good, to sit down, with a cup of tea and just read and enjoy. time passes exceptionally fast when i do so. mum saes people who read comics are pple who like to live in a world of their own. she saes tt's not normal. but then again, what's normal and what's not. i do admit i like my own world, one tt i dun allow anyone to step in so easily anymore. but i'm definitely not suffering from autistic. reading comics takes my time away from everything else. i like to put myself in the world tt's drawn, world of pictures and non-reality. it's a magical feeling that i can't really describe properly but ya, my interest.

talked to few certain people for the past few days and they definitely open up my knowledge far and wide. goals seemed so attainable with faith. dreams feel so close to be reached. i'm someone who likes a proper beginning. a nice and good beginning is important to me and so is the ending. what always screwed up is the process of it. a good process is how determined and focused one stay in it. and tt's wad i always lose in between. determination and focus. ha, still got alot to learn from others.

am planning to save money to a large amount. chin taught me tt determination will make it work. and i came to realise i really need money for rainy days as i forsee a thunderstorm coming up in the near future.

anyway, life's not a breeze at the moment but i'm learning to take things easy. i knoe how to advice others but never knew how to apply to myself. the world wld not crash if i do one less thing. life still goes on. right. ha..

cooking claypot rice later for daddy. he's fast becoming my number one guinea pig for all my food. i'm enjoying it...

When feelings and emotions are coming in all different directions, it's difficult to pen down my thoughts (in this case type). There's too much to be said, yet at the same time, some things are better left unsaid.

At times like these, I miss the faraway one.

FANTASTIC 4! 

War of The Worlds! 

Movie: Fantastic 4
Rating: 3 stars out of 5

Marvel's first family of comic superheroes takes the world by storm as the longest running comic book series in history comes to the big screen. Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic, who can elongate his body, Susan Storm/Invisible Woman, who not only can become invisible at will but can render other objects invisible, Johnny Storm/Human Torch, who can shoot fire from his finger tips and bend flame, and Ben Grimm/The Thing, a hideously misshapen monster with superhuman strength, together battle the evil Doctor Doom.

Another group of superheros but personally, I think X-men was better. The cast is not this movie's strength. It's more of the plot and of the fact that people in Singapore would not miss any superhero movies. Overall, it's pretty alright, with a little humour injected in it. Nothing special about this film and also nothing exciting to mention. Did not left any impact on me. A good movie to just sit, enjoy and not think. Let the heroes do the job this round.

Movie: War of The Worlds
Rating: 2 stars out of 5

Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds, starring international superstar Tom Cruise. A sci-fi adventure thriller reveals the extraordinary battle for the future of mankind through the eyes of a American family fighting to survive it. Thrilling scenes that hold your breath with each second and a relatively good cast. However, the story plot disappointed me a little. Just a little.

With all the previews and advertisments flashing almost everywhere, I never thought what I thought i would see appear in the movie. It's not that bad but however, the ending seems rather abrupt, sending a pretty obvious message out to the audience. Some people may like it, but others were expecting more from the movie and I belong to the latter. What I would like to compliment about this show would be the leading actor and also, the young actress. Acting wise was good, reating all the necessary tension. Director did a great job in creating suspension. Better story plot would be good.

i hate this feeling. the last thing i wanna do is to compete with you.

out of the blue, i recalled what milton said to me once. he told me we don't need a degree in life to be successful. we don't need a degree to be happy and contented in life. to him, degree is nothing but a piece of shit paper that means nothing. but that's him. i told him in singapore, that's not the case at all.

we do need a degree to be successful. come on, how many people who received low education get to be successful entrepreneur. i have to be practical, don't i. though i very much want to believe in milton's way of life. suddenly, i miss milton and joan alot. miss that short period of time we spend together. those were the times when i can forget that i live in singapore, a city that is practical and materialistic.

this is way of life.

milton told me once, don't do things that he won't do. i really don't want to. but if i don't, i'll lose this rat race we call life. and lose is definitely not a word i like.

someone yesterday said something about me. he makes sense and surprisingly. it came from him. how i wanted people to understand me like they way he sees me but those fail me. only him. and i'm surprised. he saw beyond some point of me. hmmm, must change my opinion of him le. i kept the message as a reminder to myself.

did i say something wrong again?

your jealousy is getting the better of you and that's what caused your child-like behaviour.
it irks me.

don't assume you understand me very well. you've no idea what i've went through. i'm not who you think i am and i'll never be who you hope i would be. don't preach to me about life like you know alot 'cos i seriously think you don't.
so quit trying to change me.

you said you had my interest at heart and that you're concerned. why did you not show this "care" and "concern" of yours last time when i was practically begging you not to put me through sheer torture. why is it that you're thinking for my interest only when this thing will affect you now?
it's too late now.

don't make me do the last thing i would like to do and that is to bring out all the bad history we had. don't try to paint a happy story 'cos tt's not what it's like. i'm not naive enough to bluff myself through this rainbow when it's only as thin as a sheet of paper. darkness is all around us and i know it.

you broke my trust and thus, i can't bring myself to trust you anymore. there's simply nothing you can do about it. i'm trying so hard here, struggling to put my life in order, so don't come barging in and mess things up. i'm tired, yet still struggling. don't make me work double. is it fair.

steer clear for a while. i really need a break from you.