i want to blog before 2005 ends. i'm afriad i might not have time to do it later in the day or at night. so it would be good if i do it now. it's those time of the year thingy when u sit down and do some reflections and recall wad have u done this year. and i'm in the mood of that right now.

this year passed extremely fast for me. mybe like wad my cousins said, i deliberately kept myself very very busy in order for myself not to think of certain stuff. and maybe cos of tt, time passed extremely fast. but also because of that, i find myelf involving in more meaningful stuff. things that make me learn and grow. things that get me down but gives me big sense of satisfaction at the end of the day when i noe how to pick myself up from where i drop. life became satisfying and meaningful at the same time. it makes school more fun and another small reason why sch is fun is cos there are eye candies around.. right eve? i've learnt alot of things this year. and most importantly, i've learnt more about myself and wad i'm capable of.

which brings me to the next point. i've found more prominant traits on myself that i never knew existed. or maybe they did.. but just much more prominant this year. bad traits and good traits.. or maybe traits that are bad and good, depends on how u want to look at it. well, my new year resolution evey year is to be a better and more likeable person in the next year... lol... wonder if it ever comes true.

i miss my darlings alot. though i feel that this year, we met up more often than last year. however, the more i get of them.. the more i want. =) definitely got closer with them as compared to last year... last year is simply just soo pathetic and i may be the main cause if we drifted last year. luckily, we did not. gosh.. i simply love u guys soo much. u noe how much i thank god for having u guys as my frens. i always wonder if i cherish and appreciate u guys enough or not. but let me tell u guys this.. from the bottom of my heart... i wun be who i am without all of u. and i really really love u all. =) sorry that i couldn't go out with all of u this hols. have been quite busy and all. but rest assured, all of u are constantly on my mind. even u, chin! =)

to angel: thanks for everything this year. from being a regular visitor to my house to getting closer to me. let's keep this friendship strong, k. and continue being a regular visitor. u noe i'll be here for u always.. no matter what problems u may occur. can always come tok to me. no matter how busy i am, i'll still leave time for u. *hook finger*

to chin: no words an express how thankful i am to u for being my fren. with those late night calls. and morning accompaniments. thanks for clearing my doubts, for making me feel better. for always picking up my call even though it's past ur bedtime. thanks for bearing with my nonsense. u noe i have no intenton to be mean to u... and that ur interests are wad i care for most of all. thanks for always being there. to u... it's thanks and more thanks. i promise u more sakae next year. more buffets and we'll go search for the best and cheapest food together. =)

to boon: thanks for keeping me updated of ur life. u noe no matter how busy i am.. u are still on my mind. i'm concerend how have u been and all... and it makes me really happy when i noe u still care and upate me. anyway.. all the best with shou mei mei. be patient. i really hope this will work out for u. ur happiness is mine too. wad are gfs for. love ya

to xin: we definietely met more often this year as compared to last. thanks for giving us some of ur time and turning up at our functions, for us to noe wad's gg on in ur life. for us to see u even!thanks for always making me laugh when we are out and also letting me knoe tt u're always there for me.. like some kao shan.. i love u alot alot... but i cannot love u more than my nu peng. hopefully in the years to come... we can meet up more often. and where's my coffee with u...!!

to yan: one my my ALL-TIME favourite. last year.. u're the busy one. this year.. we noth are busy. time tt we spent with each other is getting lesser and lesser and i dun want tt to happen. den i wun have my yan to whine to. i wun have u to sob to. i wun have u to go drink with me. i wun have to nag at me. i really want tt. and i'm missing tt alot. promise u will be my fren always? i care for u alot. maybe more than u ever noe. ur happiness is also one of my main concern. so please do make urself happy.. and laso less busy.. so we can go out! we haven't shop together for a lonngggg time!!!

okie. so these are all my frens stuff. now.. to conclude things off, i should ve some new year resolutions but i cannot really think of a whole list now. maybe i'll do tt on the 1st. after i think of a whole proper list. maybe if i have time.. should change my blog skin. if i have time. =/

helping out with sb day stuff... alot of work on publication. actually half the time we're trying out things. try an error. new ideas, try, fail then think and try again. the cycle goes on. but i'm glad tt at least we've accomplished half of it all already. now eve is worrying about her stall, tix and prizes. trying to help as much as i can. or as much as she wants me to.

my darlings are coming over tmr. planning a little surprise for them. actually... it's no bg deal. but i want all of us to do it. so ya. =)

ur message everyday makes me smile. though it may be repetitve of things but still.. at least u bother. i had this logic... eye candies are meant to be seen and not to eat. so it took me quite a while to actually only sit back and enjoy the process but i'm glad i'm able to do it now. maybe i really think too much. life should be much simpler.

bye to 2005 and maybe everyone's 2006 be a good year!

lol... end of speech man.. oh boy... this is long.. and i'm lagging of taggers. where is everyone!!!

how i hated that part of my life. it's like a stain on this white piece of paper that i can never make it clean again. ever since then, i've been looking around for only the perfect one. nothing less than that. i know it's not possible to find the ideal or the most perfect but i don't deserve any better? either that... or i should always fall in da deepest pit that i myself find hard to come out. this is wad i deserve only.. is it? i know life's not fair.. bt it has to be as bad as this? not even anywhere close to justice?

someone told me about wavelengths recently and how true it is to me. different people have different wavelengths and it really matters alot to me. how each eavelength can come together and click or simply don't click. speaking to ds today reminds me again of wad kind of ideal i'm looking for and tt if i were to stick my head in that kinda shit... i would not get anywhere. but... somehow.. when i thought u and i share the same wavelength sometime ago... i don't think tt's quite right.

i guess this is where the compromising comes in? is it a point for me to learn? well.. if it is.. god.. show me some signs.. u noe how much i believe in those.

feeling so drained out of energy, brain power and health.... =/ dreched.. third time in a row.

my first me to you.... and the little things u did. love it. anyway... merry xmas to everyone out there!!!

zombified, once again.

from 12 midnight to 9 in the morning. and after that, only 3 hours of sleep. i'm not deprived of bed or tired or wadsoever, i'm just feeling pretty stony. my brain has switched off. i don't feel like doing anything at all. and this worries me a little. my e-learning work is still stagnant there. i haven't touched it since like... when??

had organ lesson in the afternoon.. den headed down to golden mile tower for steamboat. it was a nice, short and cheap dinner. =)

my tummy aches... it's a on and off feeling. i wonder if it's the spicy noodles i had last night after extreme hunger or is it the cockles i had just now. whichever it is, it's not helping my mood =. i don't feel like doing work even more.

came across mona lisa smile this afternoon... a pang of emotion welled up into me. i'm getting used to it. this kind of things do happen recently, especially when the dreaded day draws near. i'm really afriad. feelings and emotions, much less actions are so hard to control at time. i realised i've been trying to keep myself occupied all the times these day, not a moment that i can spend too long thinking. it's working well... or so i see. in fact, last night session was conducted with a minor and very very small intention. however, that was uncalled for anyway. still...

it's amazing how flowers can brighten up a woman's day? i dun think it's somehing u guys can understand. =)

i conclude something and i dunno if i'm glad with this conclusion. maybe yes... but still.. there's some thoughts lingering elsewhere....

strange enough, i'm awake on a morning as early as this. supposed to be up an hour later, to prepare to go out on a " class gathering" and the only reason why i'm going is cos i'm sort of the person who organised it. i think i noe why i can't really sleep well the night before... my tummy kinda hurts now. i hope it's not what i think it is. not on a hoyous occasion, please.

have been relaxing and slacking these few days. as much as i'm enjoying every bit of it, my workload remain stagnant and untouched and this cannot go on. i knda want to get it completed before the xmas comes. i don't want to end up panicking next week. am so sure i would start soon, if only i can get into the mood and with enough motivation.

bought a few xmas presents yesterday and already i'm calling out broke. what kind of a xmas is this. penniless and all.... and i still have this steamboart outing tmr.. plus the singing session on friday and plus the party on sat... and my mum's feeling tight as well. don't even have the time to work to tide over this period.

it's the 4th day and i'm hoping i can still count on.

Your Love

You are quite unlucky in love. You are loved by someone you don't like while your dream man is so far away. Your love life is occasionally under turbulence. Sometimes you don't have the clear view of the guy in your heart.


the more i read.. the more true i think it is.. oh wells

i cannot stop smiling after that one sentence... is this luck or wad.. but nonetheless.. i'm not expecting much. not the least bit.. =)=)=)

Dear Santa,

have i been a bad girl this year? why is it that i'm not granted this one tiny wish of mine yet? it's just one little wish i ask from you. I must be very bad because i'm still suffering as it is. My life progressed and so did every other aspects in my life except that. why is it that i'm back to square one after many miles here and there, up and down, with new people in and out.

i still hate x'mas.
thoughts and memories still haunt me.
every image still manages to draw the most raw emotion out of me, messing up everything i tidied in there.

i wonder if anyone understands why am i contemplating certain issues. i'm enjoying the process and all. but deep down, something is repelling from deep within. it's not the gut issue, but i really have no wish to go through it all again. if it might even have the slightest bit of chance tt it will go down there, then dun even give me any hope. hope is the last thing i want right now cos it hurts too much and i'm definitely not someone who recovers fast. fine. i cannot adapt and i'm taking my freaking time, which seems way too long, to get out of this. but there's a limit to the amount of steps i dare to take. i just dun want to go through it again.

i'm like this little girl who refuses to stand p and take any more steps after she fell. this feels stupid, i know.

Santa, can i please have my wish granted soon. i dunno how long i can keep this going on.

i'm in a happpy mooood. i wonder why..... ma is finally over and already tt's a huge relief. even the idea of having b law ca at 5:15 tmr after class and delaying my time to meet with the darlingsss did not dampen too much of my mood. =) í'm a happpy girl and this happy girl here misses her girlfriends alot!!!

i came to the conclusion that i'm suffering from dillness. that's not a good sign at all cos i dun really have the remedy to it. unless evelyn has her lobangs.. or esle.... i wan i wan i want.. =) the fun and all....

right till this hour, though i told them i would go offline.. i haven't study at all.. was playing games till now.. oh wells... let's hopetmr would be a good day as well.

angel darling, dun be too disheartened, k? things happened. problems occured but i'm sure everything would be just fine at the end of the month when u see IT. lol~ we're always here for u to complain to but dun give up, k! am sure u will emerged a stronger somebody. =)

freaking need 24 hrs of sleep

i can't wait for ma to be over.... over over over.... and like wad eve sae.. if we get thrown by bombs.. we wld just smile.. drink our milo and head home for blaw.... grrrr

i'm rather relaxed now as compared to the weekend i just had. everything seems clearer one way or another and i'm actually feeling pretty good. maybe this explains why i'm blogging now instead of doing my ma... =) even though fmkt really sux big time today... i'm still feeling pretty good.. i seriously wonder why.

okie.. i got back my theory results today and for blur blocks like amelia chow jing yi... it's organ theory!!!! i got a freaking 92... omg... i couldn't believe my eyes. and tt silly teacher of mine decided to play a trick on me this morn. she smsed me and sae she want to scold me already... she sounded really pissed and when she came my place.. she threw the results slip at me and sae... u ar... haiyo.. no choice.. have to retake... the only thing i replied her was.. huh.. waste money.. den i saw the real results... lol =) she promised me a present!! and it's gonna be a big one.. cos it's 2 in one.. xmas plus a dist for grade six theory.. lallalaa~~

so it's school... den presentation and den stayed back in school till like wad.. ten??? ma ma ma.. how much longer are u gg to torture us... but at least i'm pretty much done.. even if it's not correct.. we did out best... it feels good to be in this state.

one meal a day.... oh wells. i better faster do my ma.. cos i'm so sure someone would just nag at me to do it quick.. ahahha.

i should be enjoying this process.. but somehow... i;m afraid of wad it will lead to. yet again.

Your Birthdate: August 21

You're a restless rebel with an unpredictable nature.Bright but unbridled, you tend to seek out wild experiences over new ideas.People are frustrated by your great potential, but you love your unconventional life.You're a heartbreaker. People get attached to you, and then you're gone. Your strength: Your thirst for adventure Your weakness: Not taking time for slow pleasures Your power color: Hot pink Your power symbol: Figure eight Your power month: March

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

people are nagging at me to blog and update so here i am. bear with me, i think this will be a long entry.

talentime has come to an end when the curtains came down on the finals one night ago. it was a success without any major problems cropping up. people enjoyed themselves and contestants were happy. one problem would be that it ended too late. many people reached home late or had to cab home. i had to ask my mum to come down and pay for my very expensive cab fare home from one end of singapore to the other. however, the sense of achievement i feel is beyond any words and like what ds said, i've achieved what i set out to achieve and i'm really happy for that.

i should be out celebrating or i should be letting my hair down after one month of work and all but immediately after i finish with talentime, projects and tests are already piling up high. there's like no break in between for me to let loose or something. take this beautiful saturday for example, i should be going out, doing some catching up with my girlfriends and all.. but i'm waiting at home for my classmates to come to do project. we're going to finish it i hope, by hook or by crook.

just to sidetrack... ds said i got no life to be hanging out with my girlfriends on a friday night.. hmmm... look who's talking about no life here mans... hmph. watched perhaps love with them yesterday. it really is like a chinese version of moulin rouge. not too bad.. but angel... issit really worth 5 stars? have my doubts.

was supposed to go out this morning with amelia to settle some stuff.... but i am too tired. i hardly get to sleep in anymore so i kinda postponed it.

although i've been very busy and i might have complaints here and there, i'm glad for this endless things to do in a way. it takes my mind off alot of stuff.. especially in the month of december. it can help me take my mind off how much i dislike the joyous season that many might be looking forward to. memories will flood back and the only way to stop thinking about such thoughts is to block them by the load of work i have to do.

it's been a year. is it too long or too short for me to still be thinking about it. i've no answers to any questions pertaining to this issue. it looks like i can never answer any of the questions.

too much expectations i guess caused my mild disappontment. but i've given up thinking anymore.

the close proximity. the small touch. hmmmm....

when efforts and sacrifices made are deemed as nothing, my pieces of puzzle starts to fall apart. maybe is over reliance on both parties that caused it to happen but even i don't even believe wad i just typed. because i noe it myself, i'm definitely not what u think and on top of it all, you don't even understand my stand and intentions. no one is making things more complicated for me but you. if it could be counter defense that i don't understand ur intentions and stand, that's only because u chose to keep ur mouth sealed. i have people finally breaking the barrier and telling me how they feel and all. cos of that, work is simplified, i knew where i could deal with and wad i can deal with. nothing can be done when silence is the sole option. that's my believe.

the tears that i fought so hard to hold back refuses to hear my bid any longer. how i long for ~~~
i dun wan anyone taking sides. but neutrality always seem impossible.

you are just out to irritate the hell out of me and making me even more troubled than i already am. thank you very much. i so need this.

i'm finally home before 7. and i even had the time to go rent some comics before i come home. i'm deprived of them ever since i got so busy. hardly have the energy, much less the time to read them. and maybe this explains my chirpy mood this evening.

oh.. but one thing. my tv broke down. the whole house seemed so cold and quiet without the sound of tv. when daddy and mummy gets home.. they can only stare at each other, without anything to do. i refuse to let them in my room to watch tv. only for the privilege of me... but can u blame me? they looked down on tt old tv.. and put it in my room. which means giving it to me. now.. of course i must exercise my rights as the owner of the tv. =)

okie, i'm being lame. but just looking forward to tmr... it's like a mini break free day.. and of course it's cos i can go out with those darlings of mine once again.

sometimes, people's faces and attitudes put me quite off. but i dun need those people to understand anyway.

like omg.. wow... pretty hilarious if u think about it

Orlando Bloom

Whos ur perfect match? (girls and gays only, sorry)
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all of us at can cafe 

happy birthday chin!!!! 

happy birthday chin! hope this year is a good one for you. i would really love to hear praises instead of naggings through 2006 noe. anyway.. no matter how irritating you are.. to the extent that i wanna slap u real hard.. u're still a dear to me.. always and forever.. i used the word forever, k.. treasure! happy 18th birthday!!

celebrated chin's bdae at can cafe.. it's a nice place. cos i feel that we got the whole place to ourselves. it's like our house.. soo comfy. so of course.. as usual.. we couldn't resist the temptation of taking pics after pics. lol~ had lotsa fun. to make up for a sucky day i would sae... and of course.. our darling chin had to drink up so much that she puked right in the middle of the pavement in the middle of our journey to esplanade! gosh... she dirtied yan's shoes... char's and my feet as well... first time see someone puke sooo much... not going to let her drink anymore mans... chin.. tt's a warning! either u stonned.. or u progressed and puke.

i love u guys alot. meet up soon please..