OH MY GOD!!!!! this is one of the best surprise that i've received in quite some time. and it's reallly a goood surprise because it totally caught me off guard!!!! when i enter my own blog.. i was like.. eh?? who's blog did i click on.. i couldn't believe my eyes.. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god!!!! thanks guys... i reallly love it.. cos it's really a GOOD surprise.. and it's really well done. no matter which of u guys keep claiming the credit... i extend my most sincere thanks to the both of you. i'm touched.. i really am. kinda add something for me to smile to tonight. thanks alot. i love u guys..... it's a nice surprise... leona is truly touched!!! =)

i aleady had the intention to blog tonight. so ya...

realised something hard and concrete today. the more you're afraid to lose something... the more you will lose it. i guess this fact has always been somewhere deep behind my head. it's always there. i just never go realise it and today... it kinda surfaced that some words just had to be out and i ve an extreme overwhelming urge to type it all out and expressed it all out. but it's human nature isn't it? to be afraid to lose something that you really cherish or like. what am i supposed to do then? act nonchalent or indifferent like i dun care.

realised no matter how hard i try to be strong, to keep this wall around me, to create this barrier.. i cannot help but feel insecure, vulnerable and weak at times. i hate myself during these times cos it reminds me of exactly where i fell the last time. i'm never good at picking myself up. i know that of myself too well. which is why i'm so afriad of falling right back to it. and having such thoughts made me weak... today, a thought that eve used quite often popeed into my head:
silence and inaction is insufficient. it truly is. it makes me more insecure only.

ok... i sound like a weakling, don't i. people out there.. go ahead and despise me.... i'm already doing so. yuck.

whatever it is.. thanks angel and joel... it's really a good surprise.. brought a smile to my face. thanks guys.

"I dislike the light. But i fear the dark. And nothing beats the immense fear i feel when darkness seem to be able to eat me up whole."

finally went sakae with chin today. our long awaited sushi and long awaited feasting. and everytime without fail, i wonder why we love to gorge ourselves so much when after we exit from sakae, we would go straight to the toilet to either puke it all out or shit it all out. i always find puking it all out easier. chin usually do the latter while i'll do the former. today, chin did both and i did none. lol, she did my fair share in the toilet but that doesn't mean good new for me cos i have to wait for her. she don't even allow me to wait outside the toilet... i must be outside her cubicle. so imagine my boredom while i start snapping pictures all the way till my batt almost died on me. it will ne a long time for the next sakae. but feasting is always on.. seoul is our next aim!

sakae = gorging to our hearts content, forcing everything in just to hit our target or to win each other flat. chin always win me... so i don't know why she simply love to go beyond beating me flat and trying to hit her target. after which, i'll just whine and whine tt i'm so bloated uncomfortable and full!!! and the torture is i have to wait for chin for her toilet routine, cos she usually takes longer than me. lol. anyway.. it's great to finally being able to go out with chin this way. i miss it! and chin.. u're not my spare tyre, can. never never!!!! more feasting sessions to come!! okie?

i'm a converse girl today! top to bottom.. almost all converse. maybe i should go get a converse bottom too.. so i can truly be the converse girl. this way... i can also go against you... which i'm starting to enjoy every little bit now. lol.

2 paper's over with 2 more to come. my next paper is on the tues. which means time to study but of course i have no intention to start so early. i need a mini break... though it's not like i studied really hard. i bought comics and magazine to keep me occupied. i'm just not in the exam mood and i'm not getting anywhere near there yet. not this time round... i need that long break.. enjoying first before starting to put my heart back into doing things.. by when tt time comes, it's when i start my year 3. =)

to see you being unwell, to see ur intense umcomfy-ness.. i feel utterly useless not to be able to do anything to make you feel better. i don't know what can i do to help you recover or at least feel better so all i can hope is for you to get well soon. i may not be able to do anything for you but i'm always here whenever you need me. it's been such a long time since i last felt like this that i almost thought i'm not capable of feeling that much for someone else other than my friends and myself. the intensified worriedness and the urge to do anything, simply anything just so you'll feel better. when you recover, please take extreme care of yourself, k.

i did a quiz that day and it says i will have 7 good friends in my life. i already have 5.. who's the other 2?

i'm tired. i wanna sleeeep already.. good night to the world. and drop dead, leona.

gonna "pen" down a few things before i take my bath and start my studying again. tmr's the first paper. i'm not feeling really stressed up... but something else. something that i cannot put words to. but whatever the feeling may be.. it doesn't feel good. that i know.

i may be a little paranoid but my eyes aren't feeling really well these days. they hurt and itch sometimes. and it really doesn't help when the renu case came up. i'm quite worried.. i hope nothing is wrong.

and when i see my dad and him not feeling well today... i'm worried. don't know what did dad eat or what happen.. but he had to see the doc for his tummy. guess it's quite serious or the doc would not give him mc for 2 days. has been sleeping since afternoon... didn't even take his dinner. oh.....

gonna take a real cold shower.... to start the mugging. =/

i love xyflawx. i really do. especially all those singing sessions... =) 

all squeezed.. not a good picture 

a picture to spite boon.. =) 

sweet and innocence portrayed.. versus.... 

terrorists in the making 

can u guys believe it... this is the difference between my gf and my hand size. gosh.... 

my only 2 favourite spastic girls 

sweeties of my life... boon (my gf), angel and me! 

a long long day i had. woke up 745 in the morning to go for my weekly jog. didn't run as much as i did the week before. =/ didn't feel really good when i came home after the jog. had to rest for quite some time before i could stand up and get ready to go out. was supposed to meet angel, chin, boon and xin at 10. at somerset. i left the house only at 9:35 or so... surprisingly, i reached town at 10:20 or so? and the only people there waiting are angel and chin. it's a curse. every singing session, someone is bound to oversleep and this time, it happens to be my dear girlfriend. lol.

when boon finally came, we headed to party world... sang while waiting for xin to come and when she did.. we had a blasting time!!! i have pictures to prove my point. life feel so great with xcyflawx around. no joke about that. u guys made my day.. and everytime again and again, i thank god for having u guys as my friends. love u guys alot alot alot!!! HUGS!!! we sang, we screamed, we danced, we joked. it was a really goood time. time passes so fast with them... =)

good time have to come to an end.. after lunch.. i had to leave. at first, wanted to study in town. but i figure town would be pretty packed today. even if i could get a seat at some coffee place, they are bound to chase me out as i'm obstructing them in making business by just sitting there and study. so i'm left with two options, tampines and simei. and tampines definitely out too. cos likewise, i think it would be super crowded too. so i went simei starbucks to study. he came to join me. studied.. ate dinner. and continued study... i bet today is the only day that i actually studied so much. time's running out. i noe it.. and the panic's not up yet... i'm not fretting or stressed yet and this is not a goood sign. grrr.. i noe i will just freak on tues. so here's a warning.. do not come near me on tues... i would be just like a time bomb.. ready to explode anytime.

anyway. it was a pretty goood day... i love days when xcyflawx can all meet up. it would be goood if yan can join us.. with xcyflawx and suspense.. woaaah.. but yan's not as brave as me.. hahahaha.. =)

i'm all smiles. life would be greater if there are no exams coming up.... but yea.. life's never perfect. =)

to eve: your testimonial came as a surprise and u've no idea what a big smile it brought to my face!! and i mean biiig smile!!!! thanks... hope u've been studying hard.. i'm so so lacking of motivation mans..

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/">How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

finally bathed and can sit in front of the computer and blogged. i know inquisitive people out there (you guys knw who you are) wants to read more about my valentine's day. no details.. just feelings and brief summary. =)

a really nice day spent. immersed with love from my friends and him. it's just a sweet day. simple and sweet. =) even till now, í'm still smiling. can't help it when the sunflowers sit right in front of my laptop now. beautiful flowers... love it.

catched casanova at century square today. tok about crowded... the cinema including the 2 of us only got wad... 8 people?? or less.. i cannot remember. nice show i would say. i liked the setting of the show. it's in venice and i liked the story line too. i hope you'll like it as well. it's the first time we watched a movie that requires u to think a little more?

after the movie.. went to city hall to meet angel and joel. didn't know joel was coming until the last minute. we sat at pacific coffee for quite some time just chit chat all the way. angel made a gift for me tt i love alot. it takes effort la and seriously, i think it's really really sweet. den joel made this laminated thing for me which i think i soo sweet too... i'm dying of sugar. too much. luckily, angel used salt for her giftand not sugar. lol. yan came to join us for a while.. glad to be able to catch up a little with her. it's been so long since we toked about other things besides test and projects. sorry dear that i made u quite bored. while dissolving in the sweetness of friends and busy catching up... i made u bored yea? hope u didn't mind. =)

yan had to leave and so did joel. we parted and then me and him went esplanade. was too bloated after 2 cups of coffee that i didn't feel like eating dinenr. had a goood tok tonight. you never ever fail to make me feel good after every tok. time passes soo quickly when we are there everytime. by the time we knew it... it was ten. and we decided it's time to go home... tmr still got blaw make up lesson. =/ anyway... when i came home. i had 2 missed calls and 3 messages. didn't even hear them la.. lol.

thanks for everything today. though u claimed tt u didn't plan much or whatsoever, it just feels like a simple and sweet day. every minute spent feels goood just to be with u. and on top of that, thanks for sparing a few hours for my friends. it made my day even better to have met up with them. thanks for the gift. i really like it and i really hope u like wad i got for u as well. =) felt much better and more assured after toking to u tonight. thanks for always being understanding and always bearing with me. it has been a good day spent.

my first proper valentine's day spent and celebrated. feels goood. leona's a happy girl. =)

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content.You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything.A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better. You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun.A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours.You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much. At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness.A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily.You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

http://www.blogthings.com/whattempermentareyouquiz/"> What Temperment Are You?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is low.You see love as a gift that you should give to many.It's hard for you to imagine being with one person at at time...Let alone one person for the rest of your life! Experience Level: Your experience level is high.You've loved, lost, and loved again.You have had a wide range of love experiences.And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low.This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.You know a relationship is not about getting your way.And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium.You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium.In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/> The Five Variable Love Test

Westlife-- Fragile Heart

A fragile heart, was broken before
I don't think it could endure
Another pain
But there's a voice from deep inside
Of you
That's calling out to make you realise
That this new bond gives inspiration
To all who feel no love appeal no more
So how can I break this wall around you
That's aiding our hearts to grow in pain

So forget your past, and we can
Dream tomorrow Save our hearts for care and
Lovin too
It's hard I know, but oh one things
For sure
Don't go and break this fragile heart

A hurting mind in need of emotion
I don't think I could endure
Another pain
But baby in you, I've found affection
Affection I have never felt before

So don't let your past
Destroy what comes tomorrow
Don't go and break my fragile heart

With all this fire that burns
Between us
There's so much to lose, yet so much
More to gain
And if I could choose the world
Around me
The world to choose, would all
Revolve around you
So help me complete the game
Inside me
And help to mend my fragile heart

the woman monthly affair:

causes me to be sleepy easily
to eat more than normal, especially chocolates
to have certain cravings

lol... now, why does it look like symptoms of a pregnant lady? my stomach hurts badly.. since day one... ouuuccchhhh.... i need to hug my pillow 24/7.

looking back, i always blame others if something goes wrong but now i realise, i could have done many things to improve it or make things better. the fault may very much lie in myself. however, when i try to learn from my mistakes and making sure nothing goes wrong this time round, making sure that i do better and even more, i'm still lacking in other areas. areas that i've ovelooked.

so is it me. is it me who's always lacking. never being able to do the best out of it all. i thought this would be different. it is... from another point of view.. but ultimately, it boils down to the same thing. it's a cylce. it really is. i thought... i thought... looks like my thoughts or my conclusions are always wrong. i'm never right.

i realise how easy it is to get into an argument. at least for me, it is. i just ve to keep it within control.

mummy is not making it easy for me. grrr... =/ i need a brain wash.... wash it all out. i'm so unworthy.

The busy and most dreaded day is over-- 10 Feb. it's been such a long time since i last blogged but i reckon i better start keeping my loyal readers updated, right? you loyal ones out there?

projects have officially come to an end. now's it's all about mugging. in a way, i prefer mugging to doing projects. Yet, when i received the mail of my exams dates, my heart sank. =/

Mummy's birthday on friday. Bought her a necklace, went out for dinner with her. We ate at a place that i serioulsy don't think it's worth the price. if we're paying tt much, it's only worth the service cos the most basic thing, their food, kinda sux big time. went dinner with granma, ashley and family. my little ashley is growing cuter and cuter... how i adore her and i hope she loves me too!! i'm seeing her everyday on my wallpaper.. oooohhh..... =)

after the " sumptous " dinner... went to the headquarters for pizza night. oh gosh... can u belive it. all 3 of us took our dinner and yet, we still wanted to squeeze pizza into our tummy. i feel fat. stayed over, watched dvd.. our usual norm. feels goood. =) really goood but this would not be the norm for another year.. cos my dearest dearest president is going back to perth to finish her honours. sending her off next week. after 12 midnight. lol.... i must. or else.. hear not end. shhh... no one goes to tell her that... would hear another round of no ends too.

woke up early this morning to run. with the fact that i slept pretty late last night. about 4 am? was watching vcds. quite happy with my running progress. could run longer in the same period of time. and i take even shorter time to cool down. no more headaches and throwing up. this is a good sign. A good beginning to train up my determination and motivation. and this is 2 good ingredients to start mugging. =)

my little boy is faling sick and he refuses to admit it. =/ i'm going to see that he recovers... real soon

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourcandyheartsayquiz/">What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

You Are Wind

Strong and overpoweringA force to be reckoned with, no one dares cross youYou have the power to change everything around you You are best known for: your wrath Your dominant state: commanding

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whattypeofweatherareyouquiz/">What Type of Weather Are You?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your'>http://www.blogthings.com/yourlovelifesecretsrevealedquiz/">Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

i dun reckon getting over that easily... hmmm

wrath-You get mad very easily. Your temper is a big
turn off. That may leave people feeling
uncomfterable around you. You often snap at
people for no reasonjust because you're in an off or bad mood (I hate
that excuse). People probably like you but
find your anger issues annoying. You're a
very loud personand outspoken.You're most likley a fun person to be
around but people don't like you because of
your anger. Try toning it down...it's about
peace and love man...

What sin do you commit the most?(w/beautiful pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

i guess i have been procrastinating certain important issues. so a wake up call is important. one with impact. i mean i had wake up calls before this one... but none that caused an impact. i need a certain aspect of my life back. people keep telling me " i noe u can do it" ... but.... =/ i noe i can do it too... but.....

so when there's a but... i'm still not there yet.

it's time to get back on track. if i noe this gets me down.... i should put it back up. do things that will get me more driven. this is it. some time before the last lap.

i knoe i want this.

the only person i want to win is myself.
the only person i want to understand is myself.
the only person i want to see over the other side is a better me.