sorry for the late updates! hahahha... lots of things happened last week, like the extreme fatigue i experienced daily, therefore i dun come online that often and of course there's the weekend getaway on cruise. nice time i spent. wished i could stay longer.. like sleep longer. ahhha, play longer, EAT MORE, drink more, get high, since my bf is around but too tired to even get high and have money for casino. just maybe one two rounds to try try. wanted to upload pictures for the cruise.. but i cannot seem to receive any pictures. amelia amelia amelia.. WHERE's MY PICTURESS?

so ya, after back frm the cruise, went back to work... and there's a public holiday like today, i realised my work place is really sucky. ultimately. maybe one of the factor is that i really want to spend more time sleeping, yes.. call me lazy. also maybe i wanna spend more time with baby but then again, it's that place that has problem, seriously. ahhaha.. went up with ex collegues and both of us realised how much i changed. my opinions towards the place and all. it's seriously the place. which explains why everyone wanna leave. it's the place.

everyone count down for me mans.... for the end of work tt's due on 27th june. i want to spend more time with my baby. before he goes army.....

dunno why, really wanna go hard rock cafe.. never been there before

STORY OF MY LIFE SUCKS! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE IT! I'M ALWAYS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I DO THIS ALSO WRONG, I DO THAT ALSO WRONG. ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IS SAY SAY SAY, YOU NEVER APPLY. GOSH..... YOU MUST HATE ME REAL BAD. YOU MIGHT AS WELL WISH I M DEAD. THEN NOBODY WILL GET HYPERTENSION. YOU MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL AND I MAKE URS BOIL DEN DUN TOK. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE IT SO MUCH I WANT TO END IT. NOTHING EVER SEEMS GOOD. I M JUST A SPOILED BRAT TO YOU. ONE THAT SPENDS WITHOUT THINKING. WAD DO U KNOW WAD U DO U KNOW!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!! I ALREADY TRY!! NO ONE EVER SEE ME TRYING. NO ONE! I HATE YOU. HATE ME LA HATE ME. I DUN CARE

I HATE MY LIFE SO BADLY. I WISH I AM DEAD. DUN CARE DUN CARE. NO ONE SEE ME FOR ME. EVERYONE JUST WAN ME DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREAK OFF. I M SO TIRED OF THIS SO CALLED SHIT CALL LIFE.

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i guess it really feels good to manipulate the hearts of men. men are pretty easy to understand generally. at the end of the day, there are type A who are greedy, ambitious and will take any chances that are advantageous to them. there are also type B who are scared, are cautious and will rather take anything less risky. of course there's type A part 1 and 2. and also type B part one and two. just different types of type. haha.. if you know what i mean. at the end of the day, it's just these two types. not difficult to manipulate yea?

of course, being the one who's manipulated does not feel good at all. but then again, when one party gains the pleasure, the other usually don't.

it's that easy.

everything in life is THAT easy, either u are lucky or u are not. either u are the manipulator or you are not. either u have wad it takes or not. everything could be controlled. by ur ability, by ur luck. everything except love.

love cannot be manipulate, love cannot be controlled. love talks about giving and taking, balancing. therefore, it's not easy at all.

i'm diagnosed infection of the intestines. have no idea what that means but i guess should mean the same as food poisioning. feeling soo miserable last night, throwing up and diarrhea. and they always happen one after another, for a moment, i really tot i should sleep near the toilet to avoid too much walking in and out, cos it's soo tiring.

slight fever, which seem to go on and off. wind in the stomach. i need to lie down 24/7 mans. cos i feel quite weak. and mummy is irritating throughout this period!

i've got another day mc tmr.... i want to take it.. but feel ps to call office. i think they will want to kill me. i thought i will be fine by tmr. apparently not.

SICK.

my poor boy too. should really watch wad we eat in the future. i got mini phoebia of eating already.

and yes sandra!! it's soo qiao to meet u there. it's more surprising for me to see u there cos i stay in the area.... u dun! ahahaha..... before i went holy trinity tt morning, i thought i would see u in church.. but who knows, we met at petrol kiosk instead. HAHA..

temporary. this is all i can do with the little time on hand. can i hire someone as professional as C _ _ R _ L to do up a blog for me? =(

i like to know things that other people don't know.
i like to share things with others what they don't know.

maybe i really was that spoilt, bad tempered brat, who places no one else but herself first, self centred, selfish, never really care what others think, only those few selcted ones that she like then she care more.

but i know i am not like that now. people who know me see the change, people who care for me, can feel it. and people who watched me grow, would have noticed. God will know. because he's part of the reason why i changed. and most

now, randomly, i was thinking to myself. how did she know the relationship was blend. how did she judge. why did she think he treated her well because he was used to it. why did she think she wasn't the most important person to him anymore. how?

issit true that relationships cannot be tested by time.. cos most ended up blend. people can date ten years and only found out not suitable half a year into marriage. why like tt? the line between used to it and love is soo thin. how would i know how to judge. it will be saddening to leave after ten years.. but why would anyone want to stay in a r/s tt gone blend.

will it ever be like that?

anyway, thanks Joel for fixing my blog for me. and those cute hearts. was wondering since when the pink hearts turn grey.... haha

HELP!!! WHY MY BLOG LIKE THAT

yes, marraige is a wonderful thing. i agree with wad angel say. and wah.. wad a long long tag. i totally feel the same way about two persons getting together and eventually making the vow of love. the one that gives love a higher level, with committment and also, the promise of loving each other in diff times and happy times. and best of all, when u bear the fruits of ur love. beautilful...... i wish every of my friends out there will find true love. cos i'll be weeping for u girls. serious. love can be so beautiful... really.

and this is so unlike wad the 9pm show portray. haha.. but maybe that is then the reality. marriage might not be so pretty.. but i choose to believe. wad can be more beautiful then spending ur life with the one you love and the one who loves you.

okok..... back to my life... 1 down. 2 more to go. sick. tired..... and more sick.

my dear amelia... give me dates for cruise.. and preferably.... fridays... fri. sat and sun. and on top of that, wad time is the boarding of cruise usuallly..

i believe everything happens for a reason and some things didn't happen, also for a reason. i believe that things are all meant to be, so no matter how hard you try or fight for it, if it's not meant to be yours, it will never be. that's why i believe in sign, i believe that they are the link that help us connect the whole bigger picture.

gradually, i started to believe every little thing is a sign. i believe signs more than anything else... and that's where my negativity comes in. like the sky is dark this morning, and then i will think it's related to my mood or to the day that's going to come. and if the day really does go bad, i will think i am right. little did i realise is because i have such thoughts, that's why my day went bad, cos sub consciously, i'm already thinking the day would be bad. yes.. this i begin to understand i realise.

and when i cannot keep things under my control, i panic, i worry i get insecure. this is all part of negativity and i do realise it. this is a good sign because if i realised it, then i can change.... if i dun even know where the problem lies in, i can't do anything about it at all, right?

don't know why but after watching spiderman today, had lots of thoughts and feelings. like about responsibilities, about character.. about vengence, about forgiveness and abt relationships. like being together doesn't mean you are ready to be together. now i know why God created a man and a woman meant for each other only. like there's only one soul mate only. cos that's the soul mate that's gg to accompany you forever, to understand you like no one could, to compliment you, making you feel best like no one could, to pick you up when you are down and to share your joy when you're way on top. and to accomplish all these, to have all these traits, it's only that ONE soul mate. that is why when you found someone u love and feel that it's ur soul mate, do cherish it. he or she might be that one. and u wun want to lose him or her.

i am starting to believe more in these. and also about understanding and forgiveness..... is this God's works? I know he has already taken some place in my heart..... and i'm ready for more.

i wanna buy cushion!!! lamp!!! cD!!!!! random thoughts...