when i think of ur absence this weekend, i can't help but feel sad. but then on the other hand, when i think of how much time we can spend tgt in our life time, this seem very trivial.

i can't help feeling a little down though. miss u terribly.

seriously, guys don't have to go to great lengths to be sweet to a girl. somehow, i find all the small nitty gritty details ten times sweeter... simple things like after going out with a girl, most people think it's sweet if he sends u all the way home.. i think it's sweet if he calls a cab for u.. or flag a cab for u also and like send u safely into the cab and end the night by saying, give me a call or sms when u reach home safely... i think tt's equally sweet as well and i totally dig it. hahaa..

also there are many circumstances that are sweet... it's not about going out of his way to do things for u... but also about not doing certain stuff because he had u in mind. it's as simple as being a single carefree person, he doesn't have to care about anything other than himself.. but with you in mind, he decided not to go out with his friends so often, not drinking so often, not smoking so often. it's stuff like that. it's abt changing ur daily routine. about some stuff tt u always do but because u have someone in mind, whether he/she will mind, maybe i shouldn't do it. i think by thinking that way and by not doing ur usual stuff cos of someone, tt's sweet. really sweet. the having someone in my mind and acting based on that. i think tt's uber sweet.

soak me with some sweetness and love, though i need to have some time alone.. but tt doesn't mean i dun want all these after i'm out of these....

there could be 1000000 stuff out there but there's only one me.

this is totally not the best time to be out there partying and enjoying. i wanna stay home and isolate....

freaking random-ness tt i m suffering from. blues... siansation.

i m finally understanding the meaning of all these. i'm trying to escape.... esp from that someone who cannot seem to stop nagging, even at this moment, right beside me. i shouldn't flare up i keep telling myself but alot of things do no make sense. i dunno wad is wrong, i only know i wanna run somewhere far away, away from all these....

with the taste of magarita still lingering in my mouth, here is my blessed and blissful christmas.





and a comparison of iphone picture quality and my sucky sucky phone quality.... why didn't someone tell me earlier magarita can be so sweet and nice... whee.... going off for more boooze or milo. hahaa

it's christmas eve. i skipped brunch with the rest and chose to spend the day resting and nua-ing at home. the weather is awesome, so good that i wished i can stay home the whole entire christmas eve, counting stars (if there is in sngapore), cuddling, watching tv, sipping tea, exchange gifts, unwrapping them... ahahaa.. this is a wish from the homey side of me... but i have another side of me. and that is the go out, have fun, party, dress-up, drink and party summore. but of course, after the partying part, i will still wanna go home cuddle and count stars to sleep. hahaa...

i always want the best of both world. and the harsh reality always comes back to me to tell me that i can't. yes, i'm nothing but a spoilt brat yea? i need to use this mini break to think through, to prepare myself for the challenges up ahead. i'm excited yet scared. i set these high expectations of myself and now i'm afraid i can't meet them. wha't expectations, what's right and what's wrong.

i need this break... and i need some christmas love!! gifts and cards.....

Happy 100th monthsary nu peng you.... can u believe it... we met and got acquainted and got closer and ta da.. it's 100 mths!! ahahaaa... the sweetest friendship one can ever have... let's look forward to the many many more mths to come.. loves loves loves.

this is the day that everything's gg to change.... i need to make some readjustments, in every aspect of my life.

where is th place where i can feel safe. everywhere i go i feel like i'm going to fall somewhere and some more. i miss my boy....

i'm upset with myself... for my clusiness, for my sillness, for my this and that. i can't believe i can just fall down like tt and now i end up with a burning knee. freak....

how do i get rid of this lousy feeling... one day before the day.... yucks.

Three months pass by in a flash. sam still remembered it was 16 sept. and now, i've a few days of rest before i'm embarking on another journey. abit too soon, some will say but if i rest too long, i think i will feeel so lazy to do anything. so yea.... i need motivation every now and then. i think E noes it.... everytime i meet him for training.. i feel that he noes i need to be like pushed and motivated.

lemme drop a big hint to my friends out there... in the new journey and esp when in the first few years of my next career... really need lots encouragement and motivation.. =/ give me more love my friends!!! haha!

another nice weekend to chill in. long weekend for me.

i think it's december.. thus i got a sudden desire to meet people.. ahaha.. well.. not any other tom dick or harry on the road.... but people i care and pple close... it's been so long since i tok to certain people, i dun even want to try counting how long. it's been so long since i actually meet certain people... if u are reading this and u fall into this category.. drop me a sms now!!!! let's meet up to chill.. to snack, to gossip, to just meet up! anything... let's end december with well wishes, meet ups and lots lots more..

ahhahaaa... as i type.. i realised it sounds like some advertisement.. is it? ahahhaa... oh well.... here i m bored bored at 8:50 at work.. work dun start till 9 for me actually.. have been accompanying the boy to work this whole week so far.. which is half an hour earlier than my actual time... but it's nice tt we bring breakfast for each other.. well.. i try... but elaborate breakfast requires waking up even earlier!!

anyone has a spare laptop to spare me?? i feel crippled like seriously.. no laptop to use... cannot acceess alot of sites from my office. basically disconnected with the world.. in my puny world now.. there is only me and my best friend stuck on tt island with no communication otherwise.. occassionally sending out help msges like this. ahahahaa.

YES.. as u can tell.. boredom gives me lots of room for imagination.. haa

i m so getting this game!

my best friend at home has decided to leave me and go accompany my bf, cos he needs to work on his project and actually he needs my best friend more than i do. i mean i merely just watch shows, facebook away and check mails, nthing as important. but it's also goood, cos my best friend left just in time for my new best friend to fill the place. i was afraid i might neglect my best friend (or should i say ex-best friend) when my new best friend arrived... and so ta-da.... i have my new best friend all to myself..... wii is the name of my new best friend....

pardon my silliness.. here i m at work... nthing much to do.. it's amazing waad a contrast from yesterday. Yesterday was the month's end. Last day and we were all swamped with work.. lesser chit chats.. everyone typing typing away... and everyone knowing it's going to be a long long night. and today... so freee!! at least for me.... and did i mention tanjong pagar after 7 is like a ghost town.. food places all close... there's hardly anything left to eat.. wad happens to those pple starving, had to stay past 8.. come down from office and realised.. eh.. nthing to eat. i had sucky ramen after 8 last night.. dun get me wrong, the ramen is nice to eat. the soup and all.. just that they only got one kind of ramen.. e one with the jap char siew and egg.... standard... and they only have 3 different soup base. so no matter wad soup base i choose.. i still have to eat char siew.. and i'm not a fan of porl.. so basically.. i had noodles soup yesterday at the price of 14.50!!! hmmmmm.. definitely not worth it!

i miss my best friend at home.. and this whole week.. not much time to spend with it also... practically have something on every night and my weekends are filled already! i just wanan complete tt game den i can focus on another one!

i had one of the loveliest long weekend ever.. and it is not entirely due to my new toy.. but i'm giving all credits to the boy. he has been nothing but sweet and accomodating the whole entire time. right from waiting at expo for me for a few hours to come decide and see whether i wanna get my wii or not (the place was almost closing when i reached) and heading back down the next day to get extra controllers and not forgetting we had to go back down that night cos the controller we got was faulty. i hate hate hate doing such troublesome matters and i dun particularly like going to fairs and squeeze cos it's really really crowded. so i wasn't in my best mood and temper.. but he still managed to pacify me and was really patient with me... and I seriously thank God for that. i mean it doesn't help when two hot tempered persons argue and all.. over such a nice long weekend with wii.. and den everyone's moods spoil. so yea.

and also for hanging out with pple i love as well.... and trying and making effort to be nice and taking initiative and all.. hahahaaa..... the list goes on... but i'm really thankful for him and everything that he has done for me... there are days when i feel grouchy and will forget such a happy time i had with him.. so i gotta jot this down and remind myself when things get dreary.... and hoping people who reads this will remind me as well. aahaha...

meanwhile.. wii wii wii wii wii.... seriously.. playing games is really a form of luxury.. u think just by getting wii is enough? no.. there's the controller... and accessories tt we wanna get as well.. wii charging stand... wii games... wii motion plus for certain games.. the list just goes on.. but right now.. im happy with wad i have... =)

i'm a happy girl!

my early christmas gift... wii!!! loves loves loves... whee to my boy and whee to wii!! =)

seriously... getting a gadget always require so much homework to be done.... and up till now, i'm still pretty confused.. can someone like teach me or guide me? i mean.. why is buying one wii so difficult.. putting price aside... there's so many other things to look out for... updating, modifying, and cannot anyhow modify somemore.. patching or whatever shit.. making sure i can access to wiishop... GOSH!! HELP ME SOMEBODY!!! >(

the number of things i have to abstain eating makes me wonder if i can eat anything anymore... i cannot eat nuts.... and sesame... no eggs, no oyster sauce... no seafood and that includes prawns, crab, sotong.. and the list goes on.. luckily for me.. fish is still on the list.. and oh yea.. no alcohol.. how do i literally survive. esp when it comes to eggs.. so many things has eggs inside tt u dun notice it at all?? gosh.... =(

where is my life now.... and when is this nightmare ending?

gosh... this sucks mans... i was just thinking how come my rashes dun seem to be healing or anything and given my free time, i went online and google abit, now i suspect my rashes are actually eczema. i have all the symtoms... the itch and the scaly, peeling skin.... and now i m at a lost.

how do i go on to hsbc like that... i dun wanna look scaly and red, with rashes all over me.... and the next thing... how to keep taking off to go see doctor or something. i went to polyclinic last week.. after putting the medcine and all.. it doesn't seem to be healing or anything... just the same.. so i kinda wanna go back polyclinic and get a referral lecture to the skin centre or something. =( den there's facial this sunday supposedly? i dun think i m in the correct condition to go... ISSUES....

ARG!

Sometimes, on mornings like this when i'm so free that i let my mind wander all sorts of place, i wonder why pple are oblivious to things or people around them and others find those stuff such an eyesore. is like one party can blissfully be unaware of the dirty patch on the clear window, happily going in and out of the house while the other party immediately saw the dirty patch and get really upset about it that they wanna rub off and scrub off that patch of dirt.

i also wonder how come some people will think so highly of themselves when they are not as worthy as they think they are, worse still, they actually think they have the authority to oppress those under them. i mean for this case, no one is indispensible... they know that right? how can anyone actually think they are important enough to be unreplacable.

how do we ever know what's really right? and what's the masterplan for us? i hate gloomy mornings.... i wonder too much..

the highlight of the night.... marinated frog leg. it's actually nic's mum recipe... thought i will give it a try den improvise from there... so as long as it suits my boy's taste of childhood mummy's food? haha



halfway through... a mini accident... in my attempt to clean the stove with kitchen towel while the fire's still on.. i burn the whol paper.... had to pour water over it to stop the fire.



But dinner's still served punctually.... the extreme left corner is steamed egg... den highlight of the night and veggie with shitake. =)

i found more motivation to cook these days... my precious boy seemed to be not eating much outside... like if we were to dine out.. he won't eat that much... like maybe skip a breakfast, lunch or both kind of thing. but if i cooked.. i m pretty sure he wun have excuse not to finish MY foood! so yes.. more home cooked sunday meals to come.

i had a goood weekend.... really goood one... and time seemed to fly by.... back to IJ for the very first time after they renovated and upgraded. hmmm... some stuff are there.. some stuff changed... but i guess the biggest change is me.. guess i dun feel the same for certain stuff anymore. but i'm definitely still loving the meesua there! outside the school that is. hahaa.. den it was alpha graduation.. all ended well.. and we had a really good time.... i'm going to miss having tt to occupy my every saturday.

i started my sunday with breakfast at the coffeeshop... toast and egg.. haha.. old school stuff den headed off to church.... den go grocery shopping. simple day for simple stufff... i'm truly blessed every single day.... =)

oh my gosh... i cannot believe this.... i can actually blog in the office.. the other time i tried, they blocked my entry.. but this time round, i managed to dive right in! wiggle my way in but there's still msg below my taskbar: " To help protect your security, Internet Explorer has blocked this website from displaying conetne with security certificate errors." in light yellow. and now... here i can spam my own blog... i know i will be so bored the entire day i might be able to write at least 8 (that's the number of hours i work each day) entires... one for every hour, minus lunch hour??

didn't have computer access for the past 2 days... cos the boy is on leave and he wants to com for his usage and evelyn.. if u are reading this, i'm sorry.. i know i got stuff to discuss with you... and it's been dragging.. keep wanting and reminding myself to msg you.. but i keep forgetting. now that i remember... WE WILL DO IT SOOON, k? promise promise!

have been eating medcine for my itch and rash the past 2 nights and i concussed for the the past two nights as well.. drowsy medcine really v amazing, knocked you out totally.. till morning, if not for my own alarm. and ar, my rash doesn't seem to be healing.. one side of my face is as swollen.. and my chest.. =( ARGGHHHHH and the haze and dust in singapore is not helping AT ALL!

pls... anybody who reads this.. feel free to email me at work mans.. i m so bored and i cannot access facebook or msn or wadever chat system there is.. boredom! my only form of entertainment is from emailing... this is the only way i get to reach out to the outside world... the only way at work.. =/

credits to amelia

haha.. not that she made this or anything.. but it's cos of her.. i got inspiration. she cooked omurice for me last week (did i mention i do enjoy being guinea pig) but cos she packed the food for me, so there wasn't egg. and since then... i have craving for omurice.. with the egg! and do u guys noe there's a new ??? town in raffles city, this japanese resturant... dunno issit fast food type of restaurant or wad but i saw their menu.. there's omurice!! made my craving even stronger and so since i m on leave today.. decided to give it a shot.. with the remaining ingredients i have in my fridge.. taste wise.. definitely can be improved.. but i simply love the egg wrap rice concept! hahaaa...

so i mentioned i was on leave... woke up this morning with a very bad rash.. the rash has been there since monday but it became more visible and itchier last night. so i took leave to go to polyclinic to see the doctor. guess this will be the last time i go polyclinic.. thought cheap.. the time we waited.. =/ gosh.. is this a weekday morning or something? so so os many pple were there.. and not to add.. the doctors are not tt professional.

i m so looking forward to this sat... i hope my rash gets better.. the doctor said it is infection.. but from wad mans. i dunno. =( i do hope i will look alright this sat and not go back IJ scare pple.. or celebrate the last of alpha in such a state...

looking forward to trying nic's mum recipe this sunday! =)

it feels good to stay at home on a friday afternoon like this.... clad in home shorts and baggy shirt, relaxed and at ease... i started to do minor household chores. my mum always say, even if i dun help out with the house's chores... the least i could do is tidy up my bedroom and that is what i did.

first thing first, bedsheets.... and super single is already tiring... not that changing bedsheets or pillow case is tiring.. is more of changing the comforter cover... if u have one at home.. you would know what i mean... i cannot imagine changing a bigger bed's comforter cover in the future... definitely a work out for my biceps. den next is sweeping of my room floor. being a normal girl, i drop a healthy amount of hair each day. dun get me wrong.. not that dropping hair is healthy.. is just that dropping hair is a norm for ladies... and so my room after mths of non-sweeping or mopping, there are months worth of hair.. but it's clean now!!! i love it when my room floor is clean. i feel that i can eat right out from the floor! den i pack my clothes, wash my make up sponge and tada! my room is clean!! not exactly tidy.. but that could be worked on.. maybe tonight after cell or something.. i shall see.

i finished my basic course already. what else is there to come i'm not too sure... but it's really important to self motivate. that i know. and i know i will learn alot from now onwards.... all the best to me mans.... i'm scared but i know i have to move on. but for now... let me just enjoy the things as it is.....

back to work on monday... with so many things change.. i wonder anyone remember i still work there.

on days like these... i'm so upset i feel like crying... i have so much things i wanna shout out.... so much frustration.. but i keep a smile.... i pray so so so hard and... there's pretty much nthing i can do about it already.

meeting up with gfs is one of the goood things to look forward to in life. i'm a happy girl...... though i have to mug abit.. feeling so lazy and sleeepy... maybe i could wake up tmr morning to mug instead?

no.. i will be too lazy and complacent.

2 days down, 2 days to go.

one day down with 3 more to go before i officially become an agent. and the next few days are just gg to get tougher and tougher.

Our dinner.... new recipe, not one that i thought of but i took it from shape and modify a little to our tasting... raw salmon with soba and sesame dressing. all in 20 mins or less. quick and easy. no fuss. and it's really not too bad at all.. at least the boy likes it so i can safely add it in my recipe book that i complied. and i'm very excited about the new cookbook i got from church.. lots of things i can try out... i wanna be a good cook! cook yummy stuff for pple. i know i got a long way to go, getting good and proper kitchen utensils is one. haha

cycling trip was great... i dunno why my back is aching instead of my calves. at least my thighs and butt are.. so ok. steamboat was great as well.. and so is my ah chew's greenbean plus seaweed. then putien was lovely.... all with great company i must add.. and i can't wait for pay to come and go shopping with my boy.... he's dying to lay his hands on .... i know.. i love seeing him shop.. makes me happy as well....

tmr is a start to a whole new chapter..... i'm nervous.. i need all support i can get.. but like wad my friend said.... just treat it like u are a student... i will be fine.. right? i noe i will be... but.... butterflies in stomach.. pls leave me alone?

i am looking forward to the weekends, it's all that working "adults" look forward to i guess... but this week is an exception for me. after the weekends, i'm like officially starting a whole new journey and i'll be alone. i guess i shouldn't be afraid, i mean, i made the choice already didn't I? putting these thoughts aside, i'm still embracing the weekend. cycling in the morning... dinner with the guys at night....

i just have a problem with this huge red and swollen *** under my nose~!!

i have a love-hate affair with this particular weekend. tsk... the insecurity building up again....

Just for Angel:

SATC is Sex and The City. and we went victors kitchen on sat.... and then ate ice cream beside the dustbin! hahahaaa. Don't ask. Ah Chew was packed you see....

If I could blog in the office, maybe I would have flooded my blog already.... It's not that I got nothing to do in office, it's just that I'm going on a one week leave next week, so they would really rather I got nothing to do, to pass my stuff down to the new guy, to clear up my work... it sounds like I'm leaving hor.... I'm afraid after I come back, I would become reduncdant already. =/

Anyway, went to bedok 85 yesterday and i begin my glutton journey.. We had stingray, cockles and lala. WOO... shiok! The the bbq chicken wings... wanted to eat carrot cake or hokkien mee.. but cos chin didn't know and she ordered rice.. and bam! i m full.... but i still could stuff 2 Ah ballings in my mouth. hahaa.....

BUT i ended up with a tummyache.. not tummy tummy ache.... is more of i had gastric before chin came to pick me... and i just ate... after that, stomach was still in pain.. =/ but i didn't regret all the things i stuffed into my mouth. i'm still going back for more.. kembangan meesua would not see me for a long time...

got to go work... how can i blog at workkkkkk... hmmmmmmm

SATC never fails to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me touched.... the fabulous friendship that the characters share. at the really end of the day, having great friends to stick by you through every major or minor things in your life is the best blessings that one can have. and i'm always always thankful i have these bunch of friends who stick by me... during my grumpy and crazy times. Had one of the loveliest sat with the girls... HUGS. i cannot wait for the next SATC to come out.

Caught my sister's keeper today... and i cried buckets. like seriously.. and it was a really nice coincidence that GV gave out free packets of tissue today at the ticket counter. I'm not too sure if they gave out to only people who's watching my sister's keeper? but according to e boy, they dun give out to everyone... and on top of that, the cover of the tissue is not all that appropriate in the first place.. i mean hello, DARAH? with that scary woman... i told him to tear it away. i just wan the tissue which in the end serve its very good purpose. and ch is right... man has a gift and that is the fact that they know how to suck the tears right back in. it's a really nice show.. i read in the papers the ending is different from the book's? anyone read the book? wad's the ending like?

and so, there are times like tonight that i looked at my blog and realised i've neglected it. totally... and that i really really wanna do something about it. i hereby promise i will try to blog more often... words can be so communicative? some thoughts that i dunno who to tell... and as i type.. it just flows... so yea... i will tlry to blog more often. i'm sure i do have tt small handful of readers out there still.... i think.

anyone know about the show, A Christmas carol? or caughter the trailer? i'm so tickled by it...

"Disney's A Christmas Carol," a multi-sensory thrill ride re-envisioned by Academy Award-winning filmmaker Robert Zemeckis, captures the fantastical essence of the classic Dickens tale in a groundbreaking 3-D motion picture event. Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) begins the Christmas holiday with his usual miserly contempt, barking at his faithful clerk (Gary Oldman) and his cheery nephew (Colin Firth). But when the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come take him on an eye-opening journey revealing truths Old Scrooge is reluctant to face, he must open his heart to undo years of ill will before it's too late.

SCROOGE!! HAHAA.... abit of a private joke... but yea... it's really funny when xin pointed it out to me.

A beautiful weekend yet again. Nothing happens by chance... everything is planned.. Tmr signing the contract. gosh.. nervous yet excited.. yet feel so unreal.. yet yet yet.... oh well.. lemme settle wad i m going to wear first...

i hate nights like this. much more than nights which darkness could swallow me whole or nights which loneliness engulfed me entirely... i really beautiful days that end on such a bitter night! yuck!!

i always seem to make the wrong choice! yuck yuck!

=(

nothing beats a doting boyfriend and i want to declare it proudly, in anyway i want.

i m a happy girl!! a start of a happy weeekend!

the best type of kisses in the world are kisses on the forehead. at least for me, that's definitely the sweetest type that I like.

these days, I've been living my life in a rush. i rush to work in the morning, cos i dun wanna be there later than 9, not even a min, i rush back tampines on days i have tuition which is at least 3 days a week for this month, cos it's the exam month. I guess weekday are like that, especially for the working pple. I do envy those who are going on holiday like one colleague of mine and friends who are going holiday at the end of the year. i also look forward to this particular sat, where i can spend the whole entire day with the boy. how long has it been since we had one full day tgt.... even though we wun exactly be by ourselves on that day itself... but i m looking forward to starting the day with u and ending it with u.

an apple a day keeps the doctor away. a kiss a day makes my blues away.

im in very good mood today. =) and when i look at my bank account balance and saw that the pay is in.. it simply made my day!

another great weekend spent though the weekend is not exactly over yet. but i know tmr will be just as nice as today.

i did something that i never thought i would. i actually queeue 20 mins or so for nasi lemak!? chin and i went changi village cos i was craving for nasi lemak. went there in the rain.. q in the hot hawker centre and den got a little impatient so i went to sit at some nearby seats while chin continued to q for me. haha... the place is smoky and stuffy... but i keep telling myself determination and perserverence will pay off.. and it did. the nasi lemak rox. maybe it's cos this entire week i have been starving myself, ill-treating my tummy. i will try not to do that next week, esp when i have intensive tuition and all. october will pass by in a flash. i know it will. which reminds me.. i need to go book my dentist appointment sooon. working life makes things not easy at all.

i'm very happy that you took the extra effort. i never thought after this long, the sparks and chemistry that i always talk of can still be flying in the air. no matter what happens, i'll always remember this blissful moment in my life.

if it's my efficiency that caused myself to do the extra work, i would just get upset with myself and frustrated but with myself. but it's not my inefficiency that made me work so late!! n i'm really pissed off about it....

- - - - - - -

felt much better after a pot of clam chowder... and yes, that's my dinner. i'm just worried abt tmr. how to finish the load of REPEATED WORK!!!!!!!!

arggg!!! clam chowder is not enough!!!!!

it's thursday and i am looking forward to friday cos i know it will end nicely. then a nice weekend will be spent with family, friends and my boy. though more time will be spent away from the boy but nvm, we'll make use of friday night after work.

work does get mundane on some days, but i'm getting used to it. i wun sae i hate it, in fact i'm ok to it to a certain extent. it opens me and show me what i might like and what i might not. time is on my side as of now and i'm going to make the best out of it and plan something for myself.

one big problem and that's money. it's not coming in faster than i would have like it to. i wanna change and revamp my whole wadrobe, the working clothes section. dunno where to start from and where to get the money from. grrrr.... but nonetheless......

i love weekends! =)

i have a love hate affair with public holidays. i love the fact that it gives me a longer weekend spent with the boy but i hate the fact that i go back to alot of piled up work waiting for me. haha... it's only singapore's public holidays, not other countries' that's why we have the piled up amount of work to do when we get back. i guess the long holiday is to prepare us for one of the busiest morning ever and the most rushed through lunch since i started work. o well... busy is good in a way also la, times flies.

i'm so glad the boy stays near where i stay. there's always a quick dinner together, taking the same bus home together. such short periods of time totally end my day on a happy note. it makes the day more bearable and it makes me dread tmr lesser as well.

do u noe soyjoy is really very nice. i take a bar with me to work nowadays, cos in case i get hungry in the afternoon or something. it's really v tasty, very much to my surprise. it's a tad too ex though. 1.85 for one.. tt's close to 2 dollars for at most 5 bites! maybe i should switch to quaker? or uncle toby... but soyjoy is really nice!!!! hahaa

how fast the past 3 days pass and here i m preparing for work tmr already. this is what working life is about yea? but at least i know i have a fruitful and nice weekend to look forward to every week. just that this coming week will be grandma's bdae celebration then watching a play on sunday too. katong laksa still on?

when i was at kino the other day, this book caught my attention. the title is how to spend less or something along that line. i flipped to the introduction page and the author said, if u picked up this book, it more or less show u know u are spending out of ur line and that u want to do something about it. haha.. yes i know, i need to save. big time.... i should really start organising my finances somehow, and save. no more nice foood for me, which is goood cos i am going to go on a diet, i am trying!!!!! =/

motivation, encouragement, love and care are all things i thrive on.

the man just don't get it. best slogan ever.

i love long weekends, i love sweet and nice weekends. i really do. but i hate the nagging feling somewhere at the back of my head telling me it's going to end soon or that work and sian-sation is waiting ahead of me.

and some silly boy just dun get any hints i gave him, and i tell u it's very obvious ones. i didn't even bother trying subtle ones!

it's a really goood day, a good start to the long weekend. maybe cos i started work, weekend seems more precious, sweeter? i m not entirely sure. maybe it's the alpha that i m attending, making the weekend feel so good? i really don't know. but i'm still smiling in front of the com now.

i had a really good day, good foood, good company and ended it on a sweet note. we had so much fun with 'The Ugly Truth", it really amazes me how long i've spent with this guy of mine and yet looking forward to more. God works in amazing way.... i don't doubt, i just wait and trust and on days like this, he simply brings me to cloud 9 and let me linger on.

i'm really happy. a nice weekend to compensate a decision made. =)

I don't know if I'd made the wrong choice. It's too early to tell. Maybe it's the fact that circumstances keep working against my favour.

Woke up at 5 to study and yet I don't feel like I'm ready, or rather I should say I don't feel refreshed and alert enough to be ready for the paper later. I'll do my best, all right but I can't wait to jump into bed at a super early time tonight already.

I just need a energy boost, somewhere, somehow to get me through this. Weekends therapy might help or maybe after 2 weeks or so, everything would have more or less settled.

i don't know... i can't think straight.

I read something today which made me deeply moved. Maybe at this point of time, it's still abit too complex for someone like myself to comprehend. but i'm going to remind myself, esp in times of needs that God always has a plan for us somehow.

It's coming into mind september already. i sometimes remind myself of a struggling person, maybe in waters. There's a log nearby and all i have to do is reach out to it and i can be saved, at least temporary. but yet, i refused to do so, i'm still trying to wait for an airplane to come, or even a boat, anything but that log. however, that log after so long, is still there... and i'm still waiting in vain. what am i looking for actually. i find it too tiring to go think, figure out or analyse. i want to do something for myself. something i can proudly declare the results of my determination.

somehow, i do feel good. despite of everything else in my life. i really do feel good. these few days.. i keep day dreaming, of somewhere in the future in about 5 yrs time. usual silly me. oh well....

i'm really angry with myself for the lack of discipline. i'm getting lazier and it's not benefiting me in anyway. why can't i do something about it.

help!!!!!

this weekend HAS TO BE PUT TO GOOOD USE!

i hate myself for being so weak and vulnerable. i hate myself for caring so much. the old saying is so true. the one who cares more loses most. being selfish seems like a better way out of this mess. i hate this feeling inside me. i hate it... time is on my side... and i hate it. i know what having time can do to me. i hate it. yucks.. everything sucks. big time!

love, hope and faith.... is all being put to test. and hope is plunging way down.

i have to say this is one of the best birthdays i had ever have. and strangely, this is not because of what i did or gifts i receive, but cos of all the well wishes i got from many people. people i know and people i've not seen for quite some time. it's really very endearing. how simple happiness can be. it's just very nice to know my friends care and i feel so so so loved!

but i still need to give an update how my birthday went right? hahaa.. am sure some people out there are curious, maybe, maybe not. just a record of it for myself to read it in the future den.

i waited for chef Tan to come over my place to cook me lunch.. seeing him busy in the kitchen... washing up the dishes, cooking the meal for me and making cosmopolitan for me, can't help but smile. den it was The Proposal, movie at downtown east den we took bus down to parkway parade... met nic's mum and ate dinner together. den after dinner, nic and i walked from parkway parade all the way down to ice cream chef to get one cup of ice cream. it's not the ice cream that made me smile and feel blissfully happy.. is the walk. i love taking long walks with my dear one, though i feel bad when i see perspiration forming on his forehead and neck.

finally we cabbed home and i have chin spending the last few minutes of my birthday with me. am i allowed to be so happy on a single day? i feel something bad would come my way somehow?? like job finding will be futile and all? (i'm trying not to think of money and job search issue the whole day) but true happiness is all i feel today..

i learnt that without expecting alot.... u actually receive so much more... Thank you everyone who played a part for my birthday and all the well wishes!! thankkkk uuuuuu

i'm terribly terribly upset. it's not working out.... i feel suffocated. i dun get respect for my privacy, for things i want to do, what i wear, who i want to hang out with and the list goes on. I know this shouldn't go on, someone has to do something about it.

it all boils back down to the same old stuff. i hate this place call.....

it's been a very long day. and i came home with blisters. at least 3 big ones. i even had to wear socks at home cos when my blistered foot touched the floor, it's very very painful.

one saddening interview.... and though i was exposed to this side of the world but it was a very very disappointing one. i think i was more disappointed with myself more than anything.

well.. the happy thing is i get to eat chix ballotine from Miss Clarity. and i get to meet my all time fav girl.

den tuition.....

den back home... with the v v v v sore legs.. wonder how i m gg to manage with heels tmr

It's time to sit down, collect my thoughts properly and then plan and decide what's the next step I should take. There are things to be done, people to be met. Time for the list to be put to use again. I have a rough direction now but certain things still can't be rushed. That I know...

Now that my dearest friend is back... the more i should organise and collect my thoughts properly. I want to accomplish and complete some tasks or take on new ones, I wouldn't mind that too. Anyway... I know this is pretty old stuff but i cannot seem to be able to find it anywhere. Anyone knows where I can get a cup cover? I have cups and I wanna drink my tea hot, but i don't have cup cover at home, don't know where to get it from either. pls tell me if anyone knows. best if can buy one set, the cup and cover one set.

time to be a regular blogger again!

seriously.... it's not as easy as time goes by. i always thought being in a r/s is only about 2 parties, den gradually, i learnt that it is not but does it have to be this bad? why am i so trapped in between? i wanan be neutral.. yet i wanna have a stand?

i think everything can be solved once i get a job? i really hope so? i feel so sad now.... this is my life? gosh..... i totally lost it.

the insecurity is scaring me. i dun have people to turn to. and this is the first time i really felt this way..... gosh.. i lost all the drive left in me already. never knew it was this hard. =/

i feel cheated..... =/ i really didn't feel it was wishful thinking on my part but wad could have gone so wrong? just start from scratch again. no problem at all

after quite a number of interviews... i'm back to square 1. or maybe not.... cannot really decide if i should take up a job that i never ever thought of doing but yet, i do see the benefits in it. or should i just do something mundane.... =/ here i am. stuck in my own thoughts and cannot really decide.

i keep doing crazzzy things these days... and i need money.... i'm running low on it. HELP!

do you know japanese cucumber is much crunchier than our normal cucumber. i think i can even get hooked to eating it. just peel off the skin, then take to chew. much healthier snack too.

yes.. i know it's been some time since my last entry. i know i'm being missed. but with two friends in shanghai, not being able to access blogger from there.. maybe no one comes here anymore.. except my angellic friend... who knows who she is.

i've been chilling, relaxing, meetin up with my beloved friends, hanging out and spending so much quality time with my bf, eating, drinking, slacking.... what else have i not done.. AH! i haven't start studying for my cfp. which is pretty late considering how early i always start. job search is a tedious process.. i hate interviews. i hate rejecting people.. i hate wearing those not pretty formal wears that i have. but i have to get a job. and my goal is to do so before my birthday. gosh.. i'm gg to be 22 soon.

have been cooking alot these days... we have JAPANESE day... KOREAN day, with the kimchi and all. we have normal 2 dish one soup day. u would think it's healthy and economical to eat in like tt. HEALTHY YES.. economical NO NO NO! salmon are expensive. and dun think kimchi is cheap either. because u always have to buy in bulk... and den put inside the fridge.. not as if my house got food in the first place. i even have to buy my own eggs to make sushi!

i want a job. but i'm hoping my boy get it first. =)

it's always the same scenes that make me cry when watching a show. it's always the same type of people and the actions they do. for instance, a devoted guy who goes all out for the girl he loves, only to be rejected time and again. his love is so pure, so innocent, no hidden agenda, genuine love and yet still gets rejected. and when he has lines like, "All I want is a chance to love you." or "Are you mad at me? Did i do something wrong by wanting to be by your side?" Simply very heart melting to me. I would be like tears streaming and scolding that stupid girl in front of the tv or laptop, why don't want him!!? The other guy no goood. Come on.. wake up to your senses! And the tears just won't stop. On top of that, I noticed English or Chinese movies with such lines, not as much impact as korean and japanese. Somehow, that language conveys more pain than the same lines in English and Chinese.

Another classic type would be telling a child that his/her parent is gone and the child would be innocently saying stuff like, "Is Daddy coming back to read me to sleep?" or "I miss daddy alot. He knows it right? He is always with me right?" errr, no exaggerations here, but i can feel the tears coming. And I noticed this type the dying party must be daddy. Maybe cos i m a girl, a daddy's girl. So i feel more for daddys, mummys not so, sorry to say.

And how can i forget to mention the death of lovers, and this one no gender. I can be weeping my heart out for a guy who lost his gf/wife or a woman who lost her bf/husband. Especially those, die innocently kind. Like just a normal citizen, accidentally involved in some gunshot. Good people die just like that without any prewarning and leaving their loved ones behind. The the standard lines like "Wake up! How can you leave me behind? You promised to take care of me for the rest of my life. How can you leave me!? or "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should have trusted you. Please, open you eyes, look at me? I'm very sorry!" and many many many many more.

if i were prettier, taller and luckier, maybe i can try being an actress. i might be an all natural when it comes to crying scenes. They always say it's all about getting into the mood and thinking of things to trigger that mood. Well, I have mine already. Piece of cake to me.

as i was packing my room after my trip to phuket, i realised once again, how much memories i share with you and it's stashed all over my room. and if i were to take a list and seriously list them down. i'm not even sure i would be able to cover all grounds.

i feel fat. gosh... maybe it's not a feeeling and that i m really fat! but nonetheless, holiday was fun. long awaited, no disappointments. everything is just great. now back in singapore, where sea, sun, sand become a luxury, it's time to sit down, do up a resume properly.. and start sending them all out. mummy made it point clear, she doesn't want to feed me anymore. =( no more tuitions... i'm currently income zero. how am i going to survive mans.

but i'll worry abt that later.... now, it's meet ups, planning stuff and going out!!!

woke up at 4:30 am and studied till now, i haven't finish, but i'm feeling drained and saturated already. what i should be doing now is to read everything once true... try to get it cram into that puny brain of mine and float into the examinations hall, get that paper done and come out a free woman at 1pm.

and after that, everything is just going to be a breeze, literally, breeze, sun, sand, food and lots more. but right now, i'm very very far away from that breeze!

i'm learning how to appreciate it more now. it's not the same anymore, when in the past, i come back after a paper, and plopped down and play games watch show all the way. now with this laggy computer of my dad's.... =( entertainment zero. not even a proper msn

i freaking need a laptop!!!

and i'm feeling so sucky abt the situation. when there's nothing i can do. i hate sensitivity. i'm boiling, filling up with grrrr.... i wanna eat CAKES, SASHIMI, FOOD FOOOD FOOOD!!!!!

Cheers to more than half the ordeal survived and i'm still mentally sane. Cheers to 3 down, 2 to go. Cheers to the end and what awaits after it.

sometimes, trust is not a very easy to thing to do. cos u get disappointed after you trust. maybe that one person doesn't care as much as you do. otherwise, why the disappointment. the promise never came... oh well.. i'm glad i know now.

on a scale of 0 (IT idiot) to 10 (IT Geek), i would say i am a 2? so how the hell am i supposed to memorise the terms and technologies, understand them, put them in my storage system up there and vomit them up in the cold and freezing expo tmr!

and tmr is a race against time.. with less than 24 hours to prepare for the next paper on wed morning as early as 10, i'm so so so screwed. bye bye sleeping beauty and hello to panda. i can't wait for fri!! and sat!!!! and ultimately the 27th!! the most AWAITED DAY... 1300 is the time. the Alleluia time!

i'm tired... grouchy and going bonkers. but i'm still reading that textbook of mine. luckily for more.. i would have macs for breakfast tmr.. on the courtesy of someone special! though not a fan of macs, but it definitely has the power of cheering me up.

i'm sure the absence will make the heart fonder. times have changed but the hearts haven't. situations are different now but the people haven't. maybe they would, but it's equally likely, maybe they wouldn't. I've learn yet another life's most valuable lesson. we fall, we cry, we pick ourselves up and learn. who say we won't fall back on the same spot yet again, but that doesn't stop us from picking ourselves up and learn. everything happens for a reason and nothing will be wasted or go in vain.

i'm in love with strawberries. maybe it's red? but i especiailly love my strawberry moisturiser!! smells yummy and nice!! good foood plus strawberry smell makes me happy. i'm that easily contented at time actually. and if u guys notice.. my preference changes all the time. it's all about how updated u are with me.. i'm always in a phase of things!! it's like the classic example.. what's my favourite colour? of course... i'm sure i'm still loved by everyone who knows me despite of who i am.

this is going to be a very very packed week. of isolation and of mugging and of deprivation. till the next time i blog then

disappointment swept me in waves. one hit after another. never relenting on me. i feel so drained and tired already. but the race is only halfway through..

没有你的每一天 (徐婕兒)

回家的路總是很遠 話少得很可憐
一個人的晚餐 都是孤單的滋味
看見身邊重复上演 屬於我們的畫面
選擇逃避的眼 怎麼還是會流淚

愛著你的每一天 你就是我的世界
那時候還以為 我就愛這一遍
没有你的每一天 快樂離我好遙遠
心已隨你走了 還能用什麼感覺

我捨不得睜開眼睛 害怕身邊没有你
也許在夢境裡 是我們最近的距離
想念你温熱的手心 冷風裡把我握緊
當冬天又來臨 這温度該怎麼延續

謝謝你曾經愛過我 給我最美的經過
但生命最愛被剝奪 未來的路該怎麼走

there are good days just like today and very bad days as recent as yesterdays. i'm lost.... is there more to aniticpate? or should i be prepared for the worst.

i don't like how stagnant it can get

and evelyn.. it's really us that are not fated to eat wings or drumlets. i ordered that day tgt with pizza.. it came almost immediately.. although there are alot of pple in the restaurant.

there are many things in this world that we cannot anticipate. what answers will he give us or what will she think if i do certain things. i find this very intimidating but that's the nature of life.

things are getting frosty. and i'm getting tired. no more anticipation, no more expectations. not everyone can afford to have expectations of others. it's hurting in ways we never know hurts.

i've been stuck in this for a very very long time. either i gave up looking for the exit or i dun wanna exit. i dunno which is it. where am i?

on a nicer thing to note.... studying has been more productive this week thus far as compared to the many weeks before. KEPP UP THE GOOD WORK, LEONA. haha.. =)

i just send my fav girl/nightly addiction/motivator/entertainer off to china. shanghai is taking away all pple from me than necessary! how am i going to survive every night for 3 months? i might just end up sleeping early? my nights are going to be sooo boring! the ten packs of milo won't last 3 months!! =( =( =(

plus, i even accidentally lost the msg. OH GOSH!! i m such a mess ALREADY!!!! =( =(

how many times have this happen? how many times have i felt like this after the argument? how many times i tried to avoid but simply couldn't stand it and retort? I'm really tired. I hate myself for being weak sometimes. I should be able to prove something. i should be able to strive harder to make my mark, to prove something.

but who am i proving it to. i dun think happiness comes after proving and all. where's the happiness den. this shouldn't happen all the time, during the crucial time of my life. why are things made difficult for me.

i must be very weak. i'm so sick of u. of me. of all these.

caviar plus vodka and then durian after a while then B&J ice cream after that. i know, what a combination right.

mummy is right. we do know how to enjoy life.

I chanced upon this photography website today and as much as I wanted to show you guys a few pictures from it, i couldn't copy and paste them.

Something the photographer mentioned in his website caught my attention somehow. That he hopes the photos inspire us to love and think about falling in love. I always think that falling in love is not a difficult thing. What's something to cherish and precious is more of finding someone you love who loves you back. And after you find that someone, it's even harder to maintain a relationship, to balance it and to live with this person for the rest of your life. So if you have found the one, cherish and treasure, give and take is ok... and even if you haven't found the one, continue searching cos love finds you.

"For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live."

Wedding vows are the most touching words and most beautiful words to hear and to say. People should always take them serious and in times of troubles or doubts, we should always remember we have vowed to support our partners for life and this is a promise we made to him/her and to God.

Weddings are so beautiful.. not that i'm craving for mine. just that, i would really liek to start a career somehow along that line. hmmmm.

http://rebirthphotography.com/?load=flash

what do we eat on a rainy day and when u are feeling lazy, yet have no wish to cook or go downstairs and buy food?

we have steamboat! and that's how we spent Good Friday before the boy goes for duty tmr.

haven't been studying real hard, and i'm thinking when i can really focus and drive away all the distracting thoughts. something is amiss, but i can't figure out what is.

the closest i can get to peanut butter chocolate.

have been snacking alot these days and this has not happened since a very long time. the exams are getting into me. i get frustrated over the smallest things. vexed and irritated..... grrrrrr

not looking forward to the rest of April.

so dejected, so rejected, so unaccepted and so unworthy of sympathy..... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

there are days i felt truly intoxicated, enough to forget what's important and enough to avoid as much as possible before i have to face reality. however, there are also days when the harshness of it all really gets to me. i know i can't expect cherry days all the time. but i don't know how to deal with all of these...

my self proclaimed holiday has come to an end.... i'm in a v v v bad state now.

First and foremost, i'm really sorry to make your eyes suffer due to poor quality of my pictures. i know my usual camera is not that fantastic to begin with but these are much worse. reason being they are taken by my phone. i know i need to change phone. i need and want lots of things and all of which require money. mum went taiwan so i lend her my camera, which she came back and tell me she never use. tsk. anyway, i'm sure you guys are really concerned about how nic's birthday celebration went. here it is.

if u can actually read, it's actually the "poem" for the month on my monthly calender. so apt. toking abt cakes.

i did a table setting for him... with "candle". couldn't use real candles cos u guys know my house already very hot, so i had to make do with fake ones.

does he look very pale in this pic? or issit the camera. no pictures on the food, my bad. he was sick on his birthday and didn't really recover until this morning actually. nice tiramisu cake, for kids he sae.. cos no alcohol taste in it. anyway, he couldn't even eat much of his fav. that shows how sick he is.

so it's a birthday well spent. though he's sick and all but at least we created more memories together.

Lately, i've been giving some thoughts how to build up on my assets. my liabilities i know, daily expenses being all of it plus occassional spurlge but i got no income coming in for me to spend like this. the only way i can go about spending is to build up on my assets first, this way, my assets can earn money for me which i can then spend. hmmmm.......

Do you know that there's going to be a Monopoly Competition coming soon in Singapore? 4-5 April. As quite a big fan of Monopoly, i'm kinda quite excited about it. but i'm all alone in this enthusiasm. So it's hard to feel like joining, with no one who can accompany you to do so. Oh well, i still think it's quite exciting.

My mum left the house around 5 plus this morning so by the time i wake up, she's gone, suddenly the house seemed quieter and i do miss having a presence at home. maybe not the voicem is the presence. and coming home to a quiet house knowing she wun come back at 10pm.. it's quite freaky. hmm.. maybe i'm not tt ready to move out of myself after all.. i'm not too sure.

it's a tiring day. anyway... i was thinking do i sound like i m complaining abt my bf all the time... or grumbling abt him? don't get me wrong know, he's great. he's cute, he's silly. he's my bf. haha.. just that i think if i go all gooey or lovey dovey on my blog abt stuff we do or he said... u guys wouldn't want to read right... i hate reading such blogs.. like tooo sweet. so i try not to do it. but dun think my bf is mistreating me, k. for the most part of it no la.. but he's nice la. in a blokish way. haha

i m tired!

the weather is reallt killing me. i know some people will think, no biggie, cos they might not sleep in aircon daily. but for me.. i'm very used to it already. further more, i am someone who prefer being frozen to death than having the heat get the better of me. so with ushc hot weather and plus those who come my house should know how hot it is. without aircon.. i m really dying! =/

finally finished my cfp module 3 exam. after studying for quite some time until i feel so saturated yet i still left the room after the paper feeling quite shitty as well. no girl gets lucky twice in a row right? well.... what surprises me is when i came out of the room, the boy is THERE already. must be come out very early. we got posted to different rooms u see... Choo and Tan. before he left me in my room, he was like choo la choo! haha

no brunch after that but we did get to go Vivo. and tt's like after a v v v long time since i last went. i'm pretty sure it's been more than a year.

i love spending time with him. but seriously.... he's soo irritating! he loves smacking my face.. can u guys believe it!?? will u ever treat ur gf like that~!!! qing qu he calls it. let me give him some credit, k? being a blokish guy all of u guys noe.. he can be really sweet sometime. totally unexpected and he himself dun even noe it's sweet. curious curious? ask me... =)

so now back to exams business. determines my graduation. mummy is going on a holiday tmr. to taiwan for 5 days. finally, she's getting some life. i'm happy for her. i need some getting used to coming back home to empty house... but i noe once i get used to it.. she would b back.

and thanks jie for mob tv. haha!! i m so enjoying!

gosh, i'm being punished for some things i did in the past year or whatever. the hottest period of singapore and my air con is broken down! mum dun seem to have the intension to fix it and i'm feeling hot and sweaty in my own house! no air no air!!!!!!!

sent yan off.... finally left the few of us from xcyflawx (i forgot the one added with yan) in singapore. exams are drawing nearer, i need more strength and determination. i need to focus, deprive myself of life and totally focus.

baby's birthday coming... 100000 things not done!!!!

boon. i'm touched, u left comments on the first 3 entries! ahahhaa.... =)

still recovering from my wounds, though it's painful and not that i don't wanna qing cao you, it's more of cing cao you is painful and if i put den go to bed, sure stain the bedsheets!!! =( not sure if i can run tmr, but of course, not an excuse. although although...... i might have stretched a muscle.... hahaha.. excuses.

i'm trying to blog more often here.. but putting effort into my baby too.. hey friends... do go there... give comments, k? it's effort.. dun be too judgemental! ahahhaa..

here's the baby:

www.redstripesgreencircles.blogspot.com

maybe i was born a klutz but i only knew it now. when i think back, as far as my memory can stretch, there were lots of instances that suggested i was one. first day in primary school where i had the older student bringging me to tour around the school, i was this mini park we had and attempted to run over. i tripped and fell on the road. and that's how i knew where the teacher's staff room was then. I had to apply medication there. of course, there were other instances when i got ahead of myself in PE classes, running around, sprinting or whatever i as doing, i also fell. it's always the scrapping of knees or elbows. not to forget, palms too.

when i grew older, that was when i realised i could also trip over myself while playing ball games with my peers. be it captain's ball or basketball. there goes the knees again. and sometimes if i was unlucky enough, i could even sprain the ankle, which i did and had to go to a chinese sinseh to get it treated. i kinda pulled a muscle at the ankle i think.

and of course as i grew even older, i do trip over my own legs and then give lame excuses like my legs are too long and such. but i somehow managed to stable myself before i land on the ground. and now that i have nic with me, he's always there for the extra tug back if i was going to land forward. so i thought somehow, i'm quick enough to make myself steady or fast.

or so i thought. cos yesterday, just because i was a little lost, i panicked and quickened my pace, either my so called long legs somehow tangle or i tripped over something not even on the ground, but i landed hard on my left side. nothing too serious, just scrapped a knee, an ankle and my palms. when u injured ur palm.. or hand for that matters, it's very difficult to do anything cos everytime u move it.. or touch water, it hurts. it doesn't mean u are injured, u dun have to wash ur daily laundry you know. then i found out, somehow i injured my right last toe as well. only found out today.

so finally, i conclude..i m a klutz

Looks very creepy yea... my big boy loves to play with dry ice...

i know i haven't been blogging really often.. blame it on laziness, studying and my big baby project. can't wait for it to be launched!

it's less than 2 months to my exams, i'm v v v stressed. i feel so unprepared and i got no skeleton to follow what to do. i work best with a skeleton and i can work even more efficiently with a draft as to what to do. damn... right now, i just have to go intensive revision faithfully and hope that somehow, it motivates me and i can see a direction as to how to begin.

it's been so long yet some prejudice seemed to stay. i keep telling myself time will make it all better, but humans are so stubborn. or issit everyone around me are particularly thick in the head. words dun seem to go in.. neither are they very good at communicating their thoughts or opinions to me without me blowing up. need to curb my temper as well.

some people might think i got no life. but i'm happy being the stay-home girl as i am. why do people always put down others? to make themselves feel better? i dun blame them actually, i blame myself for being so weak willed and not able to stick to my own view, stick to what i think makes me happy.

caught Marley and Me yesterday and towards the end of the show, i have a girl beside me sniffing, a girl in front of me leaning in towards her bf's shoulders while he patted her on the head. and somewhere someone is tearing the tissue out or some sort, and further away, someone else is sniffing as well. lots of sniffing and lots of tissue sound. it's a great show seriously.. very heartwarming family type of show. the last time i felt THIS way about any movie is actually Click. and to think in the morning after my usual run, i was telling nic, no i don't want a dog. totally changed my mind. and of course my silly bf had to whisper, quite loudly, are u crying!? isn't that an understatement already. haha.... so him.

somewhere down the afternoon.. i forgot exactly what we were toking about but most probably me kicking up a fight of sort sort.. but he was saying.. we should have been the happiest couple around. hmmm... he never said that before and this got me thinking whether my unnecessary fight picking skills is the crucial part to us not getting it perfect. and den a few hours later.. he was threatening me not to post up his cylops look alike picture. haha.... well, i really won't dare to do it for who knows what he will do for me. seriously, did i sae we are a steady bland boring couple? think i have to take it back.

I thought this heart shaped chicken look really interesting. couldn't resist taking a picture of it. and after which i was told my KIA bf that chicken breast is often shaped this way. he never fails to make me stupid.. =/

i've got another sunday to look forward spending it with him. let me just stay this contented and blessed for a while before i think of getting my skills up another notch.

march is going to be the beginning.

let's have some non food related posts. slightly downcasted by my failure to cook decent prawn paste chicken on sunday but i will improve. the boy said that i m far far far from being a chef. and he's not the least bit kind in his words. hmph.

had a pretty nice day today. he finally went to finish up with his applications and all, now just have to wait for applications to be approved.

i just woke up 2 hours earlier than normal.. and i m so darn tired the whole day.... =/

i m already counting down to end of may... while the guys are counting down to ord.

finding the last person who love me enough to buy me a book!

On a saturday night... it's home cooked meal yet again.

Starting off with healthy stuff... fruit salad... there's lettuce.... and strawberries as u can see... cherry tomatoes are alwaysa must. and dried cranberries which we put for a change. not too bad.. a sweet and healthy starters!

My home made pasta yet again. and this time i tried out penne with chicken. that's bacon bits u see on top as well. hmmm.. my pasta sauce ar got lots and lots of room for improvement! hope to do better. the next time i post on pasta will definitely be a item that i m satisfied with.

The spread before us! and notice, we are really getting healthies.. Yakult ar.. we also drink Yakult Light.

And of course, not forgetting desserts! my all time favourite meiji yogurt! i love the mixberry in particular!

i'm supposed to be studying right this minute. but somehow, i don't feel the urge to do it. i feel like screaming, i feel like yelling, i feel like running away. i'm not feeling THAT extreme.. but i feel like i got alot in my mind and due to lack of memory space.. i can't seem to recall the things i have to do abt my life right now.

thurs are such tiring days to study. i can't wait for the weekends. i'm not even talking coherrently.

Boo

i have to say this, Breakout was amazing! Excellent... very nice. i love the dance... and pardon my ignorance or stupidity(according to the boy), i realise why is it call breakout only today. Breaking out of jail... and all the while, i thought they call it breakout cos it's related to break dancing.. which it is.. but not the reason why they call it breakout. okok.. silly me. well.. i love it!!! totally made this day so much nicer!!!! vday with the boy has never been this good.

so that's it for my very special v-day. plus dinner at our lao di fang of course... =) definitely a good day and will be remembered down the road. =)

It's burger day! seriously... it's successful and even the monster gave me 9 marks, out of 10. that's mashed potato at the side, on top of lettuce with two tomatoes at the side.


and ta-da! this is my chicken patty!! it's really successful this time. not hard at all. it's even a little juicy!! lalala... i can make burgers!!! ought to improve on the taste... i find it a tad too bland, though monster said it was fine. i'm happy.


sent off my dearest girlfriend today in the morning. hmmm.. what kind of feeling is that.... a little sad, a little longing, a little this and a little that. all mixed together. but i'm still glad i went. and i will miss her.. for these 6 long months to come. somewhere along the road.. i will definitely feel her absence... den i would get emo and flood her with a long email. haha.. i'm v capable of that. well.. all the best my girl! hugssss!

is it wishful thinking on my part to dream of romance and sweetness once again?

It's Japanese Day! we both agree it's a fattening day though.. haha.

our usual sashimi with kikoman soy sauce plus wasabi.

Our new addition, besides the usual rolls and sashimi that we will have. His favourte Salmon Don... i told him, eh? the seaweed like not much taste ar.. den he sae.. that one for decorative purpose! haha... i decorated the borders with the cucumbers! so cute right!

i lazy to put up the pictures of the sushi rolls, look pretty much the same everytime. with eggs and cucumber and all. but this is the best Japanese Day we ever had, with vinegar in the rice.. with wasabi and nice soy sauce. haha... the level of authencity!

i'm looking forward to V-Day... and dreading the end of Chinese New Year

Whether we are growing older or younger as each day passes, whether we are prolonging our life with the latest medical science or trying to look like we did 20 years ago, death is inevitable. however, on our deathbeds, do we have a great story of our lives to share? was it pure dressing up to the nines, dolling ourselves up, buying the most expensive brands, going to the most happening places, plotting how to make the husbands stay or die, in the case of insurance money, is our life worth any bit to share with people?

i've been focusing so much on how to doll myself up, feeling so upset that i can't look better, envious of what so many women had. i forgot slowly and gradually, i'm neglecting what i have on the inside. at our funerals, do we want people to only remember our big diamonds, fancy cars, great skin, white straight teeth, healthy hair? perfect weight, slender hips? or do we wanna hear stuff like she was a great mother. or daddy would have supported me regardless wad happens or she was a woman of her times, a loss to us. does it still matter how we look if we were leading life to our fullest, defined by ourselves. what do we wanna be? happy on the inside or happy on the outside for all to see. it's a choice we make.

recently, i told amelia to look out for signs when u are making decisions. well.. it's to ease her and after all i m a believer of signs. signs are everywhere and everything is something to inspire or to teach us something. Like if we never lose someone we love, how would we had known that they were important? everyday we wake up alive is a blessing. i'm beginning to love Fridays, despite night classes (esp now that chin dun wanna send me home and i have to take cab but it's not important). it's on fridays when i have time to myself, to soak in the solitude of it all, to appreciate, to reflect. when that time stood still for me, i totally forgot i m a city girl. Life itself truly is amazing and i got to do what i want to do. no hesistation, if i don't do now, when then can i do the things.

John Grisham never fail to amaze with the plot and this twist to the story. once again, i'm mesmerised.

my new shopping motto for the year, and this motto exludes books or comics:

Never be in a rush to get anything, always wait for sale maybe, or just wait till i dun feel like getting it anymore.

i've got so many things to do, from not so important things like sending out my warranty cards, to super important things like mugging for my exams and then on to life and death things. haha... last part was an exaggeration but it's life changing things, like getting a job, starting my career as well as taking up more responsiblities at home, starting from handling my own phone bill. it's right on top of the list.

recently, my dad seemed very addicted to wathcing those very very old dramas, those kind act and sing, very very olden days with all the costumes and chinese instruments playing in the background. we're having this channel for free trial till 12 Jan and somehow, daddy seemed very stuck to it. haha.. it's funny la. musical began such a long time ago. there's this scene that got the both of us cracking up, and mind you, i wasn;t wacthing.. but the tv's on right in front of me.

there's this scene.. this servant girl got beaten up darn badly and was about to die... she could still stand up, stagger abit though and SING... for quite some time. cannot stop laughing until she fall down and die. i was half thinking she would stand and sing again lo. hahaa. not being mean here. i just cannot appreciate it. generation gap?

i feel so sick going to school lately. serious feeling darn sian about it.

there are things i don't want to dwell on, cos i'm still trying to sort out my feelings within. i always thought i'm a very extreme person. someone who knows my feelings straight away and act upon them. when i'm happy, i laugh i bounce, when i m angry, i shout and got very irritated with everyone around me. and when i'm hingry and tired, i get grumpy. however, there are still certain issues that came to me and i don't know how to feel. it's the second time in the year already. i need time to sort out. and then i would know how to feel thus, wad to do about it.

a very nice cny gathering indeed. girly session.. tok tok, laugh laugh. though times like this is rare, cos it's quite impossible to gather everyone at times but with one session like this... i can be contented for at least 6 more mths. no more than that! hahaha....

the future seemed uncertain but we have to make the effort in everything we do. if u want something badly, u got to work towards it. cos i believe everyone is within our reach so as long as we give it all. so with the cny holiday coming to an end.. it's serious mugging time. no more vww, no more shows on tudou and of course less storybooks and comics... study study study.

and just to remind myself one day when i read my archives... i love that boy of mine very much at this point of time. uncertainties are bound to exsit along this road.. but i want to remember now and record it down. seriously.. 3 years ain't easy, especially for me. but i'm glad we stick on... let's just have to see where the future and God has to lead us to den.

nights everyone. love all u girlfriends i have out there! muacks...

i always thought i'm a traditional girl. i love the traditions and i follow them but of course i come to realise, i observe the traditions selectively. i don't observe all traditions but only those i like. well.. i'm still a city girl at heart i guess.. a city girl who tries to follow traditions. but this can't be helped. after all, we watched american style movies, read Candace Bushnell's novels. what's then the traditions in the asian way as compared to those of the western country? that's why mum and i are always disagreeing. she's much too traditional, without any movement in her mindset. still stuck in the sixties. seventies i think.

but she's trying to improve.. and i'm trying to accept, it's very difficult, especially with a wide gap of thirty years... there's a limit to how much compromise one can make, be it her or me. but we try.

this cny hasn't been a big hoo ha for me. used to love cny... bu i guess, my feelings for it is totally different now. have i grown older? outgrown it? maybe the time will come when i will get all excited again, and that's when all of us are old, have our own familes and children, where we can visit homes of our friends.. and talking of old stories.. maybe that's a different feeling for cny then.

yes i noe i am fat. =/ dun feel attractive anymore

another nice weekend spent. nothing special.. juts doing last minute shopping, not that i need to spend that much, i'm already very broke by the way. however, temptations are everywhere and it's not helping that there are still sales here and there.

2 chinese movies and both with local actors/actresses, i must say the boy has been very much accomodating in this aspect. he's just so mischeiveous at times that i feel like ignoring him the whole day. cos he can really tick me off.... so irritatinngggg but i can't ccos i'm not an angry person by nature unlike him.. who can flip as and when.. i shouldn't be bitching, oops. but well.. this is us.... back and forth, here and there.

so chinese new year eve. second year that my small fmaily of 3 decided to do it on ourselves. usually, we dine somewhere. like my gm's place. this year, i feel slightly more useful.. cos i am given the most important task of all.. preparing of soup base! very excited about this year's steamboat.. haha.. u girls would know why.

can't wait for this sat! =)

it's been three years.

3 years since we decided to interwine our paths together. 3 years of joy, laughter, fun and of course with arguments, tears and frustration. We had our share of busy times, we had our share of quiet ones. We had our share of working hard and playing till our hearts' content. We definitely have our share of differences and sure, we had a spat everynow and then. We had our share of making up, and boy, were we good at that. We shared the good, we shared the great and we shared a tear or two. and i wouldn't trade any moment that i shared with you.

during which, we learn to endure, to tolerate, to love more, to expect less, to lean and or support each other in times of need. never regretting that moment three years ago when we chose to be a part of each others' life.

with beautiful sapphire studs and a nice meal to come.. and a lovely movie at my request,

Happy 3rd anniversary!

the day is half gone and is already one of the best i ever had since the year started. not as if the year started very long already but well... finally found the strength to go school on a friday morning, lugging my heavy and sleep body there. but i'm glad i stick through the 3 hours plus. cos it makes me feel useful!

and then i went on to catch a movie on my own. my first! yes i know i m slow.. but it feels great can. and i chose the perfect movie to catch alone.. The Women... no male figures in the whole show. mentioned man but no male cast at all! unless u count the last part, where the newborn was a boy. then again, they didn't show the sex of the baby.. so who knows.

but i love my day already. lugging my body back to school for night class. =)

no sapphire studs, no movie watched but it's still a very nice day, memory lane down a decade ago. =)

my fav fish beehoon, my must-have apple-orange juice, topped with two yummylicious tong heng egg tart. and a surprise treat from mum when i got back, another cup of apple orange juice. haha... i marvel at the simplicity of it all, to make this tiring day all better.

on the other hand, i ponder over the complexity of human minds. why are some people, stuck in the mud, yet still think that they are doing fine and that people shouldn't meddle in their affairs or that people who are concerned are mainly pain in the neck. isn't it true to say that outsiders actually see things clearer? outsiders actually see how deep u are stuck in that muddy pile. but if u are to refuse to listen to me, what more can i say?

why aren't human simpler? when we need help, we should ask for it. why do some people choose to suffer in silence?

then again, i guess it's the complexity in us that makes life interesting. if we are to be programmed to behave in a certain pattern then everyone would be the same. however, i just wished u would listen, or rely on me more.

i take silence very badly.

it was still a happy day.

went to ikea yesterday and bought stuff to do a little revamping for the new year. not that much of a revamp, but more of keeping my stuff organised. i was packing my comics and i realised i have alot. alot of them. i packed till i perspired, almost felt like an exercise, going in and out of the room, transferring the comics from my mum's room to my storage box that i bought. now that 3/4 of my comics are in my room, with my storage box having rollers underneath, mummy says i look like i wanna run away from home anytime!

well.. the remaining comics left in my mum's room are those uncompleted set, and mind you, there's till quite alot of it. hahaha... next, i'm going to get a shelf to put my things so i can clear the things on my study table and resume it back as a real study table, preparing for the exams i have in May. also, lots of clothes thrown out of the cupboard, cos i bought alot of new ones in 2008 when i discovered the joy of shopping online.

i feel much better about my room now but i can't help thinking of all the money spent on books and clothes... tsk. oh well, resolution is to cut down for the new year. which appears to be very difficult already.

went parkway today and it's quite fruitful. the boy bought most of what he wanted to buy. i more or less 'completed' my new year shopping. though it's not done with aniticipation. i realised cny is more or less a holiday for me, nothing more. i dun even visit past 3 houses. how fun should cny be for me anyway. end up being really bored only, being an only child and all as well.

i'm motivated to slim down further!! for my cny clothes!

Loving someone is a very intriguing thing. It can be complicated and frustrating at times yet it can bring you joy from the simplest thing.

We never stop learning how to love a person or about the person himself. when you thought you have that person all figured out, he totally surprised you by something he does or says. and that's when we learn all the new possibilities of loving a person again. if someone were to tell me, i know my partner inside out and i can figure out what he's thinking, i would say, think again. maybe u need to rework on the sparks between the two of you because what makes loving someone an enjoying process, plus the complications, is that you never stop learning. when you think you've totally figured the person out, it's most likely you're getting bored with the person and nothing you see fascinates you anymore.

some people crave for the opportunity to have someone to love or to be loved. i guess it's something that most of us want, with exceptions of course. but most of us want to be in love. it's hard to explain what being in love is like, cos every love is different in its own way. with every detailed feelings, it differs one love from the other. people think this couple may be all so sweet and lovey, but do you know what they go through or what they feel exactly? yes, there's the sweetness, there's the part that no matter what happens, we still have someone to lean back on. there's the part that we will never be bored on friday nights and weekends ever, there's the part that someone loves and is concerned about us in a way it makes us smeil all the way to our heart. there's also always elements of surprise here and there.

but is that someone going to love us no matter what happens? wad if we become ugly, fat or what if we are selfish or guillible and stupid? who gaurantees that the love will still be there. this is where the exceptions come in. they choose to be individualist who feel that life alone is better. no worries, no control, no tears, can be selfish all they want cos they don't have to be accountable to anyone. of course they got no choice abt their parents. so they choose not to complicate their lives by having to add someone in to love.

i won't say what's right what's wrong but every part of ur life should be a process that u fall, learn and get smarter and better. we shouldn't try to avoid a road that's right in fron of us, by going to find short cuts somewhere further and of course when we choose to walk this road in front of us, we should do it bravely. be open-minded cos when it comes to loving someone, anything and everything can happen. so what if u get hurt, isn't it only part of the process? rejection doesn't make u less worthy, who u are and how you portray urself makes up who u are. you are who you are.

i'm talking in circles already. but my point is, i keep learning new things when i love that person i love now. i can get so upset and irritated, yet as irritated as i am, why am i still smiling. i am a true believer that no one can be indispensible, but everyone should cherish who they already have in their lives. you can live without a person but u shouldn't stop caring who u already have. sometimes, just once in a while, take a step back and see how u should take the extra effort to make someone happy.

so i'll never regret choosing to love, despite all the unhappiness and frustrations it come with. everyone should experience that. but what happens in the future will be how you deal with the present.