sniffing away. head's splitting and throat's hurting. burning sensation all over. think i'm falling sick?

is it just me or are humans the weakest when they fall ill? the feeling of wanting someone to take care of me is so strong. all these raw emotions that i've kept well-hidden are chewing at me, gnawing their way up onto the surface. but i've learnt my lesson, not to give in to their temptation and allow them up on the surface. they're meant to stay down there always. it's only then i can be in control. i know what's best for me.

worries, frustrations and anxiety are threatening to fully control my brain. fighting so bad a war that this big head of mine couldn't take it. i hate it most when i am not in control of situations.

why is that i have to be stuck in the middle of the both of u. i hate to admit it, but i might not be impartial when it comes to this. and what's worse, when i want peace and quiet, you refuse to give it to me. you're driving me to somewhere you and i don't want things to be. please. doesn't mean that you don't like her, biased against her, i got to share your thoughts. come one, who knoes her better than i do. you dont' know anything about her so stop judging her. you're showinf how immature you are and admit it, u're just jealous. but this is basic courtesy i show. you don't even have baisc courtesy? what's ur level of maturity? 3 yeras old? you're making me mad. really mad.

here it comes again. the feeling of isolation. am i just a clown or someone who entertains. must i bring myself down to that. i feel so sick. this is tough but it's not gonna get me down. try harder. i'm not the same girl who refuses medication when she's sick anymore. i'm going all out to make myself feel better because if i don't cherish myself, no one esle will. who, but myself, will care for me if i don't. sad to say, humans are selfish and i've seen it with my own eyes. how ugly the sight but if tt's not the case, down history, there won't even be war already.

okie. today's just a bad bad day. ignore me, please. just had to get things out.

just uploaded pictures.. -->

LEO WOMAN
She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall orrather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks shewalk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there isno one around her.

She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confidentof what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozenfor her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do notreflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange clothes and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selectiveabout people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not lettingpeople get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments,but not too much.

She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a leader.She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman , and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect toughcompetition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge herconfident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like aninnocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums withher ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.

She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bucks, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand,but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprised if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative andmake your own gift for her. It's unique quality and times spending making itfor her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

me: it's like damn true. esp. the part on money...

leona is a very happy girl though she's not out on a saturday night. actually, come to think of it, it's pretty easy to catch me on a saturday night. with my usual activity, i'm most probably in those areas only except maybe the last saturday of the week because cousin and i are too broke and so we would rot at home, and await the arrival of next saturday... like today.. nonetheless, i'm very happy today! =)

mum and i went on a big shopping spree. and i mean big! first, we went sim lim to look for my digital camera. after much walking around, we finally stop at a shop and bought my camera! my big cow's wife, which is my mum, is such a sweetie at time. though the camera i bought is none from the list that i've came out with.. i'm satisfied already. can't wait to start snapping!

next, we went OG. our intention is to get ashley really nice clothes but guess, typical mum and daughter, we ended up shopping alot for myself and for herself too. mum bought me two new jackets. gosh, my cupboard is full of jackets. think ar, i monday to friday change one jacket also no poblem ar. she insist that by the time i go perth, it wld be autum.. rather cold. she wants to me get woollen type one lor.. luckily, i stopped her in time. i know i should trust her when ut comes to country's climate but i really really have my doubts! bought a sling bag as well. intending to bring along to perth with me... saw a fila bag very nice as well.. but.. never mind... my sling bag more useful, can put more things.

next, we went to shop for tibits... we buy like it's free. mummy has this craze for chocolates, especially meji ones. buy alot.. and i bough meji jellibeans!! yummy... am going to give cousin tmr.. =) anyway, ended up buying lotsa chocolates and candies. my fridge is stocked up for my night studies le.

mum's colleague just gave birth and she bought a BIG hamper with almost every baby stuff in it.. cost like 64 bucks.. and we bought ashley a halter dress.. much nicer than tt big cow buy de. mum bought a pants for me as well.. those type for sleeping purposes.. now i can sleep prettily.. cousin sae i crazy.. at night only she see me in the hotel.. but i don't care.. must sleep prettily!! =)

and dal dal, i finally bought a belt.. u are the only person i want to tell.. like finally right. and i bought sunglasses as well.. lalala~ wanted to buy watch de.. but mumm saes too ex... which is true.. close to 200... what to do.. guess de. oh, lastly, bought a pair of shoes. so i wun have to wear my ugly sports shoe and wun give xm a chance to laugh at me!

going out with cousin tmr.. can test out camera. eating cheap dinner and watching movie.. am very tired.. but i bet i wld smile in my dreams!! need to study tmr before i go out.. sians... but never mind.. work hard.. and then perth, here i come!

28 more days to perth
54 more day to xm going korea

Goddess of the Forest

What Beautiful Goddess Resides In Your Soul? (Girls Only -15 Results)
brought to you by Quizilla

16-year-old Tohru Honda's life seems to get
stranger and stranger. After a string of tragic
and bizarre circumstances, Tohru found herself
working as a housekeeper for the Sohma family.
Tohru's generous nature, sympathetic heart, and
friendly manner are in stark contrast to the
prevailing mood in the Sohma House. Her calm,
caring compassion is obvious as she kindly puts
everyone else's needs above her own.

What Fruits Basket character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i want to go bintan! why must we have itab on wednesday at 10 in the morning somemore!? *pouts* i want go bintan! even mummy agreed! hmph...

stayed at home the whole day. it always feel very good to sleep early and wake up not too early, not too late the next day. felt so refreshed. read like 5 comic books. productive yea? did abit of mob but didn't dare cram too much things into this already very big head of mine so i took it easy. =) wanted to start on econs but... hmmm... the sight of the notes made me take 2 steps back already. maybe would start econs another day when i have more courage, braver or when i have someone to guide me along.

mum's on leave tmr. everytime she's on leave, it would be a "0ff" day for me and dad as well. dad has to fetch her around.. and me, am obliged to accompany her. so that means it would be a waste day for me. don't think can get to study, so i think better do some work before i sleep tonight. but me and mum going sim lim tmr. for my beloved camera. =) but mummy sae our family on tight budget this month, so have to wait for next month, see see first but no worries what.. april coming soon. that means my allowance coming soon too. so broke now, can.

daddy is a silly big cow! he actually bought clothes for ashley, my darling. and the clothes he bought are... hmmm.. out of fashion already! i laughed, mum laughed as well. looks like we're not only going sim lim tmr.. might go shop for ashley's clothes as well.. silly big cow of mine.. but nonetheless, one of my favs! =)

everyone living in this world must have a faith. something that they believe in. it's only with this faith that human can pull through one obstacle after another. this faith of ours can bring us up to greater heights and see greener pastures. it's because of this faith that we remain strong in our position and situation, fighting and striving for what we believe in. it's also because of this faith that we dry our tears and smile in any difficult circumstances, awaiting for dawn-- the light behind every darkness to arrive. faith is a strong tool and all of us should use it well.

let me continue my countdown:
29 more days to perth!
55 more days to xm going korea.

have been oversleeping for 2 consecutive days already. has my head got accustomed to the annoying ringing of the alarm clock or am i just plain tired. haven't been feeling alert and fresh to start the day with. stoning and drifting... totally lack of focus and concentration. it's time my dear old friend discipline comes into the picture.

31 more days to perth!
57 more days to xm going korea.

xuanming say he will check this so i better blog this:

32 more days to going perth!
58 more days to xuanming going korea!

I'm tired, really really tired. since saturday, i've caught only 10 hours of sleep. that's not enough... it's insufficiently not enough! and i've still got incompleted tasks to do.

brought ashley out for a while today. she's the cutest little baby on earth and my highlight of the day. walked around the neighbourhood with her, occasionally stopping to carry her, feed her and letting her run on her own. i was wondering if passer-bys would think she's my daughter. after all, my mummy claims she looks a little like me when i was her age. =) she's soo cute! once i get my digital camera, i'm going to take a picture of her, upload it, put it in my blog and prove it that she's soo soo adorable.

anyway, i'm finally going to perth. we booked the air tickets already! =) can't wait can't wait... i'm gg perth. xuanming going to korea and eve's so jealous.. lolx... she's so gonna kill me if she sees this... but tt's the point! *evil laughters*

gotta freshen up and go do my tasks at hand le... m freaking tired...

33 more days to perth!

I'm completely down-to-earth! Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

First of all, thanks so much for those who showed me care and concern wll this while. I really appreciate it and don't worry, i would be fine. =) guess it has occurred to me that sometimes, i shouldn't suppress too much. when it's still there, no point denying its presence. it would only make me feel much worse. i want to get out of it so i've decided to face it head on. maybe by doing so, views, concepts and priciples would change but this is inevitable.

it's going to be a semi-busy weekend. got to study a bit before i go out tmr night. gonna catch a movie, chill out and simply relax and catch up with cousin. we are going to the natas fair this coming sunday. hopefully can finalise plans already. i want to get at least somethings accomplised and done.

mummy is right. i need to work during the hols. cash is needed badly. but would anyone want to hire me? sians... i can't work one-full month.. would anyone want me?

it's the c***. it's the h***. it's the f***. nothing is going right.

when did all of these start, i am wondering. guess it's sometime ago when all the bad luck start befalling me. so many knots. i wonder when and how to get them untangled. i wonder who controls the amount of time one person is limited to, whoever it is out there, give me more of it please.

too many things to handle, both inside and outside, emotionally and physically. tummy is not helping, no one is helping. everyone only knows how to make it worse for me.

i'm slowly on my way to self-destruction.

"white cream on top of a cake taste sweet and nice at first and subsequently the next few bites. however, alot of it makes one sick and turned off."

My day didn't start well which explains my not so fantastic mood now. But i will survive. Since when haven't I? This is probably due to fighting out there alone, I've got to strive in order to stay in this world, isn't it? Presentations in the morning and then all lectures. As usual, didn't pay much attention. Project discussion after that. Nothing much left to be done. Had a major headache on my way home.

It's time to focus. And this means making several decisions about what I should do and what I need to do in the future. I don't want to be weak anymore. Am going to start studying, which i hope i really have the determination to do so and the self-discipline. Nothing else comes first than studies. Whatever it is, it gonna have to wait or probably ignored. To my darling amelia, if u are ever reading this. Strive on, fight on! guess we are in the slightly same situation now. Practise self-discipline and clear ur head of all other thoughts. Let's motivate each other. You know I am always by your side. so let's work hard together, k. Let's not be people whol gives up easily. It's always easier to know that someone is striving on with u..

To the anonymous out there, you don't know what kind of girl I am. i dun want anyone to protect me cos i deserve whatever that's going to befall me. who's going to take care of those i made to suffer? protection are for weak people and i dun want to reply on it anymore, people always fail me in one way or another. i know u meant no harm. thanks anyway.

am going to be in my shell for the next few days? weeks? just let me go by every single day with no disruption to the peace. just let me be...

"I love you, that's why I don't want to lie to you."

another very typical monday. went to school for idea but was told that the class was cancelled. what the... went finance department to get my card done. the depressing part was i received an email from this girl and that she picked up my card! there goes my $10.50. should have really listened to eve and waited.. i was too rash. just wanna get things done. have been really unlucky these days.

after school, rushed down town to catch closer with eve. not too bad a show. yan was right. certain parts in the show strike certain chords within me. brought back memories that should be hidden way beneath. made me think back once again. the reason. or was there even a reason in the first place... i shouldn't be thinking about it at all.

I'm slightly sleepy. but still got things to do. =(

i know i will get retribution for sure. there will be a day when i have to pay it all back. what i suffered out there, i shouldn't have brought it home. the environment out there has somehow shapen what I am now but this doesn't mean people at home deserve it. I am sorry but I have my pride. One fine day when all of these is over, I will regret. I know for sure. Everyone thinks I'm doted and pampered. This I won't deny but the things I really want are those that i can never have. Whatever it is, i await my retribution.

You are the Spirit of Hope. Whenever someone is
feeling down, they merely have to think of you
to make them happy again. You have the ability
to simply radiate happiness. You can make
friends quickly because your strong point is
your amazingly friendly nature which naturally
people want to be with. You think about the
best in everything, a total optimist, you won't
have any trouble getting a worthy person to
shae your life with!

Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

came back at 5 in the morning. took a cab back. high expense mans. catched hitch last night.. it is hilarious. just that there was disturbance throughout the show.. the guy behind me can't seem to keep his leg still and to himself.. keep kicking the chair.. i was pissed.. turned back a few times but he didn't seem to catch the hint. after the show, i just turned back and diao him den faster walk away.. in case he wanna bash me mah. hee.

usual night out. coffee club... ordered wrongly drink.. ended up drinking something milky.. yuck.. talked to cousin.. discussed abt our perth trip... ahahah, can't wait. before meeting cousin, went eat dinner with eve.. she ar, late queen ar.. everytime go out with her, she wun fail to be late de lor. anyway, did lotsa walking with her.. circled round newton.. and then i got her to take cab in town as she wanted to get home asap.. in the end, had to call cab.. cos it's soo diff to get a cab there at tt timing.. must after midnight ar.. cabs everywhere.. fighting for passengers mans. lolx...

didn't get to sleep alot. had to go temple and then go celebrate papa's bdae... ate goood foood. =) papa wants to make ashley his god daughter.. i've got no opinions... cos ashley is soo adorable.. waiting for gugu to agree now.. =) now, i'll have a god sis 16 years younger than me mans.. and the love i get would be halfed.. awww...

came home did idea immediately... got lotsa things to pack. but i'm feeling lazy...

listening to tong hua now. this song is so nice can. i'm in love with it!

woke up this morning and start doing my idea project, now waiting for dal's part and it would be done. i think maybe i should further edit it because it's simply too many pages. i'll do it tmr because i'm going out soon. meeting eve for dinner and catching a movie with cousin in the night. this is my ideal saturday night. i loves. =)

there's a boundary where i do not dare to step over. i don't have the confidence that i will do it well. i don't have the courage to cross over. and most importantly, i'm not sure if i would have the strength to recover if i fail.

this song is so nice. i think i'm melting. =) need to go bathe le.. tata.

The one passion that deeply burns in your soul is
to be kind! You're the softy, and sweet one out
of your group. You love to lend a helping hand
whenever you can, and enjoy the company of
others. Your lover can see how special and
fragile you are, and they treat you so
divinely, afraid that they might break your
innocent soul! You lover loves to spend
whatever time they have with you; whether it be
receiving a passionate kiss, or sitting down
and having an intelligent conversation...
They're just happy to have you by their side!
However, with this pure, innocent soul of yours
comes a price... People always seem to try and
take advantage over you, and you always end up
being hurt in the end. Learn to say no once in
awhile! You don't always have to be nice! But I
guess it's logical... Like the old saying goes,
Keep your friends close, but your enemies
closer! Keeping smiling your way through life
and spread the kindness :)

What Passion Burns In Your Soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

woah... can finally sit down and rest le. today is a rather hectic day. so hectic that i dun even have the time to sit down for a proper lunch. in the morning, went to school early for itab. took itab quiz. errr, what can i say leh.. didn't study, not as lucky so obviously i failed. hee.. whatever lah, it's just 5%.

after itab, grabbed a light lunch, went for mob lecture. fell asleep halfway through, simply cannot take it anymore. after lecture at one, supposed to have project meeting but due to some circumstances, we can only start at 2. so i was left alone in sp to rot. wanted to go use the com in the lib and i realised that my student admin card is gone! freak it lor... went to student's alumni.. they directed me to admission's office.. all the way at foodcourt two.. walked under the hot hot sun only to realise that the admission's office is close for lunch.. >( walked back to foodcourt 6 to rot alone. =(

did project for like 2 hours plus plus. too late to go home but abit early to go meet chin so i decided to go back to the admission's office and really to my horror! not only do i have to pay for it, i have to make a police report... what the.... damn suay lor... i seriously dunno where i misplaced it! so i went all the way to outram to make a police report... with chin as company.. and by the time we rush to yio chu kang to meet angel, we are running slightly late le. when we reached nyjc.. can go in and sit le.

nice play... really. much better than last year one. realised when you watch the play with correct company, it's a very good feeling. =) xiuwen was the story writer for one of the play.. ahahha.. tt play is so her. we knew it's her story. it's just like something she would think and write. anyway, i miss my nu peng you alot! hopefully can catch up with her soon. great effort!! jia you!!! =)

and now, i am back home.. complaining to mum about my admin card... and gobbling down food.. lol... soo hungry.. ate the whole packet of food in 15 minutes i think.. ahahha.. feeling much better compared to yesterday.. =) tmr would be a great day too!

today is a very bad day. I'm exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. heard something today, it kinda affected me a little. it made me ponder and wonder. sometimes i just wish there's a second chance around.. but no such luck. i guess somethings just slip by without u knowing and there's simply nothing you can do about it when u realise it too late. but i would be fine. i am going to be ok. nothing daunts me anymore, cos i am stronger than before.

changed back my blogskin.. dun really like the previous one.. soo many stars floating around.. irritate the hell out of me espeically when i am in such a bad mood today. mum made it worse tonight.. shall not even talk about it... am so pissed.... sorry to those i might have offended in one way or another today. bear with me...

whatever.... =(

Your inner soul is content with the way it is. In
general you are a very sweet, caring person!
You love to kick back and hang out with your
friends, but you also enjoy time by yourself to
read a book and catch up on your studies. You
love the wildlife and you can always seem to
make the day better. Your lover is the luckiest
man in the world because people like you are
rare to come across. You love life but always
still have your head in reality.

What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You hate not to love but you hate to fall in love.
You can't help but sigh when you see to people
kiss in the park and all. You don't like to go
over board and believe in a small steady
relationship at first so that it can grow. You
also like to think that you can have that kiss
that puts you into a portal and you can't get
back until he/she stops.

How much do you love? GOOD PICS
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the high fashion trendsetter. You're
confident, independent, outgoing, and love
attention. You might become a star one day. All
the girls like to follow in your foot steps
because you're so cool, fashionable, and don't
care about anything. You make the rules, never
follow. But please be sure not to act bitchy.
That could be bad. But keep the attitude.
That's what makes you, you.

What kind of girl are you? (with pix!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Hang on a sec! You're not an angel! You're a
goddess! Always the leader in your group of
friends you are the one to go to in a crisis,
your advice is valuable if you give it out,
which is only if you feel people deserve it. Go
you!

Which natural angel are you? (awe-inspiring pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

it's been so long since i last shopped and today is finally my long-awaited shopping day! had a really unlucky incident in school today. don't know when i deleted my ACCPAC file and today when everyone happily started on their assignment, i was redoing the whole of lab 1 to lab 7. though it took only an hour, but by the time i finished, everyone finished with their assignment as well. oh well... =(


after my gems today, went to meet chin fang. very long never see that girl liao and since it's her holidays.. decided to take this opportunity. she was late, as usual. someone actually came up to me and say her colleague spotted me and ask if i want to do modelling or not... ahahhaa.. i was laughing out loud inside lor.. me? anyway, i was in a rush to the toilet so i was said no.... thank you.


after i met chin fang, went m'phosis immediately. i've been aiming for this top for a long long time but the one in town don't have!! very sad... chinfang suggested to go to the branch at city hall, i agreed but decided to make a trip to heerens before going to city hall. went heerens to look for a skirt and as i was fiddling around with this particular skirt.. looking for price tag, i dunno is it i used to much strength or what, i actually broke the hanger into two! i was soo embarrassed can, i quickly went to try the skirt, it fitted.. and i didn't even think twice, i just bought it... apologising profusely to the lady.. she was a sweet lady.. she sae it's ok.


went to city hall after that and i found that beloved top!! ahahha, was very happy.. and i bought it for only 20 bucks!! dirt cheap can.... so happy i went crystal jade to eat my la mian again.. ahahhaha... very nice and fulfilling day, no wonder they say retail theraphy works... it really clear my mind of all those frustrating and irritating thoughts i have. anyway, amelia chow!! wanna go aj choir!! get back to me asap.. angel.. friday how!! get back to me!!!