i always thought i'm a traditional girl. i love the traditions and i follow them but of course i come to realise, i observe the traditions selectively. i don't observe all traditions but only those i like. well.. i'm still a city girl at heart i guess.. a city girl who tries to follow traditions. but this can't be helped. after all, we watched american style movies, read Candace Bushnell's novels. what's then the traditions in the asian way as compared to those of the western country? that's why mum and i are always disagreeing. she's much too traditional, without any movement in her mindset. still stuck in the sixties. seventies i think.

but she's trying to improve.. and i'm trying to accept, it's very difficult, especially with a wide gap of thirty years... there's a limit to how much compromise one can make, be it her or me. but we try.

this cny hasn't been a big hoo ha for me. used to love cny... bu i guess, my feelings for it is totally different now. have i grown older? outgrown it? maybe the time will come when i will get all excited again, and that's when all of us are old, have our own familes and children, where we can visit homes of our friends.. and talking of old stories.. maybe that's a different feeling for cny then.

yes i noe i am fat. =/ dun feel attractive anymore

another nice weekend spent. nothing special.. juts doing last minute shopping, not that i need to spend that much, i'm already very broke by the way. however, temptations are everywhere and it's not helping that there are still sales here and there.

2 chinese movies and both with local actors/actresses, i must say the boy has been very much accomodating in this aspect. he's just so mischeiveous at times that i feel like ignoring him the whole day. cos he can really tick me off.... so irritatinngggg but i can't ccos i'm not an angry person by nature unlike him.. who can flip as and when.. i shouldn't be bitching, oops. but well.. this is us.... back and forth, here and there.

so chinese new year eve. second year that my small fmaily of 3 decided to do it on ourselves. usually, we dine somewhere. like my gm's place. this year, i feel slightly more useful.. cos i am given the most important task of all.. preparing of soup base! very excited about this year's steamboat.. haha.. u girls would know why.

can't wait for this sat! =)

it's been three years.

3 years since we decided to interwine our paths together. 3 years of joy, laughter, fun and of course with arguments, tears and frustration. We had our share of busy times, we had our share of quiet ones. We had our share of working hard and playing till our hearts' content. We definitely have our share of differences and sure, we had a spat everynow and then. We had our share of making up, and boy, were we good at that. We shared the good, we shared the great and we shared a tear or two. and i wouldn't trade any moment that i shared with you.

during which, we learn to endure, to tolerate, to love more, to expect less, to lean and or support each other in times of need. never regretting that moment three years ago when we chose to be a part of each others' life.

with beautiful sapphire studs and a nice meal to come.. and a lovely movie at my request,

Happy 3rd anniversary!

the day is half gone and is already one of the best i ever had since the year started. not as if the year started very long already but well... finally found the strength to go school on a friday morning, lugging my heavy and sleep body there. but i'm glad i stick through the 3 hours plus. cos it makes me feel useful!

and then i went on to catch a movie on my own. my first! yes i know i m slow.. but it feels great can. and i chose the perfect movie to catch alone.. The Women... no male figures in the whole show. mentioned man but no male cast at all! unless u count the last part, where the newborn was a boy. then again, they didn't show the sex of the baby.. so who knows.

but i love my day already. lugging my body back to school for night class. =)

no sapphire studs, no movie watched but it's still a very nice day, memory lane down a decade ago. =)

my fav fish beehoon, my must-have apple-orange juice, topped with two yummylicious tong heng egg tart. and a surprise treat from mum when i got back, another cup of apple orange juice. haha... i marvel at the simplicity of it all, to make this tiring day all better.

on the other hand, i ponder over the complexity of human minds. why are some people, stuck in the mud, yet still think that they are doing fine and that people shouldn't meddle in their affairs or that people who are concerned are mainly pain in the neck. isn't it true to say that outsiders actually see things clearer? outsiders actually see how deep u are stuck in that muddy pile. but if u are to refuse to listen to me, what more can i say?

why aren't human simpler? when we need help, we should ask for it. why do some people choose to suffer in silence?

then again, i guess it's the complexity in us that makes life interesting. if we are to be programmed to behave in a certain pattern then everyone would be the same. however, i just wished u would listen, or rely on me more.

i take silence very badly.

it was still a happy day.

went to ikea yesterday and bought stuff to do a little revamping for the new year. not that much of a revamp, but more of keeping my stuff organised. i was packing my comics and i realised i have alot. alot of them. i packed till i perspired, almost felt like an exercise, going in and out of the room, transferring the comics from my mum's room to my storage box that i bought. now that 3/4 of my comics are in my room, with my storage box having rollers underneath, mummy says i look like i wanna run away from home anytime!

well.. the remaining comics left in my mum's room are those uncompleted set, and mind you, there's till quite alot of it. hahaha... next, i'm going to get a shelf to put my things so i can clear the things on my study table and resume it back as a real study table, preparing for the exams i have in May. also, lots of clothes thrown out of the cupboard, cos i bought alot of new ones in 2008 when i discovered the joy of shopping online.

i feel much better about my room now but i can't help thinking of all the money spent on books and clothes... tsk. oh well, resolution is to cut down for the new year. which appears to be very difficult already.

went parkway today and it's quite fruitful. the boy bought most of what he wanted to buy. i more or less 'completed' my new year shopping. though it's not done with aniticipation. i realised cny is more or less a holiday for me, nothing more. i dun even visit past 3 houses. how fun should cny be for me anyway. end up being really bored only, being an only child and all as well.

i'm motivated to slim down further!! for my cny clothes!

Loving someone is a very intriguing thing. It can be complicated and frustrating at times yet it can bring you joy from the simplest thing.

We never stop learning how to love a person or about the person himself. when you thought you have that person all figured out, he totally surprised you by something he does or says. and that's when we learn all the new possibilities of loving a person again. if someone were to tell me, i know my partner inside out and i can figure out what he's thinking, i would say, think again. maybe u need to rework on the sparks between the two of you because what makes loving someone an enjoying process, plus the complications, is that you never stop learning. when you think you've totally figured the person out, it's most likely you're getting bored with the person and nothing you see fascinates you anymore.

some people crave for the opportunity to have someone to love or to be loved. i guess it's something that most of us want, with exceptions of course. but most of us want to be in love. it's hard to explain what being in love is like, cos every love is different in its own way. with every detailed feelings, it differs one love from the other. people think this couple may be all so sweet and lovey, but do you know what they go through or what they feel exactly? yes, there's the sweetness, there's the part that no matter what happens, we still have someone to lean back on. there's the part that we will never be bored on friday nights and weekends ever, there's the part that someone loves and is concerned about us in a way it makes us smeil all the way to our heart. there's also always elements of surprise here and there.

but is that someone going to love us no matter what happens? wad if we become ugly, fat or what if we are selfish or guillible and stupid? who gaurantees that the love will still be there. this is where the exceptions come in. they choose to be individualist who feel that life alone is better. no worries, no control, no tears, can be selfish all they want cos they don't have to be accountable to anyone. of course they got no choice abt their parents. so they choose not to complicate their lives by having to add someone in to love.

i won't say what's right what's wrong but every part of ur life should be a process that u fall, learn and get smarter and better. we shouldn't try to avoid a road that's right in fron of us, by going to find short cuts somewhere further and of course when we choose to walk this road in front of us, we should do it bravely. be open-minded cos when it comes to loving someone, anything and everything can happen. so what if u get hurt, isn't it only part of the process? rejection doesn't make u less worthy, who u are and how you portray urself makes up who u are. you are who you are.

i'm talking in circles already. but my point is, i keep learning new things when i love that person i love now. i can get so upset and irritated, yet as irritated as i am, why am i still smiling. i am a true believer that no one can be indispensible, but everyone should cherish who they already have in their lives. you can live without a person but u shouldn't stop caring who u already have. sometimes, just once in a while, take a step back and see how u should take the extra effort to make someone happy.

so i'll never regret choosing to love, despite all the unhappiness and frustrations it come with. everyone should experience that. but what happens in the future will be how you deal with the present.

on a lovely yet lazy saturday night.... ( i know my camera sux)

my attempt @ western food. that's chicken patty, done out of mince meat with black pepper sauce. tt's premium smoked ham at the side, broccoli (to fulfill my new year resolution of greens in every meal) and my very own mashed potato with bacon bits! the chicken was a tad hard though.. but nonetheless, i love my mashed potato!

and of course accompanied by some fruit wine. wine is a thing i don't go without lately, with my home cooked meal, be it chinese food or western food. another new year resolution, drink more wine!

if only there were desserts. we missed it out. hmmmm. =)