i'm left so weak and vulnerable that any kindness people showered on me, be it out of sympathy or genuine concern, brings tears to my eyes. how i detest this person that i see in the mirror. yet again.

people may think i am over reacting and i don't expect anyone to understand but i'm sincerely concerned. out of the bottom of my heart. i know being exasperating doesn't help but i don't know what i can do to help. advice falls on deaf ears and knowing that someone i care might be getting cheated. this feeling that i feel is beyond any words can say. i know this is none of my problem. i jolly well don't even have to give a damn. but i care and it's just getting into me.

this similiar feeling came not only once this week. so angry and frustrated that i don't know what to do with the tears that threaten to brim over any minute. this is the reason why i detest this feeling or when this emotion gets the better of me.

and it so happen that i have to hear it being mention again~ again and again. everytime i think i'm fine and ready to take this test. i fail it badly every time. i hate to admit so many things, even to myself, much less to anyone out there. i hate how much at the mere mention of it, i crumple so easily. i hate myself failing so badly. on this stage especially.

i don't need anyone to understand me. i can't expect everyone will. i freaking don't care. just don't pretend u know what i'm going through and fucking hell think you do. that's one generous act of sympathy that i reckon.