how i hated that part of my life. it's like a stain on this white piece of paper that i can never make it clean again. ever since then, i've been looking around for only the perfect one. nothing less than that. i know it's not possible to find the ideal or the most perfect but i don't deserve any better? either that... or i should always fall in da deepest pit that i myself find hard to come out. this is wad i deserve only.. is it? i know life's not fair.. bt it has to be as bad as this? not even anywhere close to justice?

someone told me about wavelengths recently and how true it is to me. different people have different wavelengths and it really matters alot to me. how each eavelength can come together and click or simply don't click. speaking to ds today reminds me again of wad kind of ideal i'm looking for and tt if i were to stick my head in that kinda shit... i would not get anywhere. but... somehow.. when i thought u and i share the same wavelength sometime ago... i don't think tt's quite right.

i guess this is where the compromising comes in? is it a point for me to learn? well.. if it is.. god.. show me some signs.. u noe how much i believe in those.

feeling so drained out of energy, brain power and health.... =/ dreched.. third time in a row.