Dear Santa,

have i been a bad girl this year? why is it that i'm not granted this one tiny wish of mine yet? it's just one little wish i ask from you. I must be very bad because i'm still suffering as it is. My life progressed and so did every other aspects in my life except that. why is it that i'm back to square one after many miles here and there, up and down, with new people in and out.

i still hate x'mas.
thoughts and memories still haunt me.
every image still manages to draw the most raw emotion out of me, messing up everything i tidied in there.

i wonder if anyone understands why am i contemplating certain issues. i'm enjoying the process and all. but deep down, something is repelling from deep within. it's not the gut issue, but i really have no wish to go through it all again. if it might even have the slightest bit of chance tt it will go down there, then dun even give me any hope. hope is the last thing i want right now cos it hurts too much and i'm definitely not someone who recovers fast. fine. i cannot adapt and i'm taking my freaking time, which seems way too long, to get out of this. but there's a limit to the amount of steps i dare to take. i just dun want to go through it again.

i'm like this little girl who refuses to stand p and take any more steps after she fell. this feels stupid, i know.

Santa, can i please have my wish granted soon. i dunno how long i can keep this going on.