It's the last day of 2004. Many things happened. Had my fair share of happy and sad memories. Some memories that I still smile to and also some I rather keep and lock them up somewhere deep in my heart. New school which I am still adapting to. I won't give up no matter how tough some days may be; or how much i don't understand a thing about what the lecturers said. New year, new start and of course I always like to start my year with shopping! New template to begin my year with too. Thanks everyone who has been worried about me, who has been affected by me. In anyway that I've failed to do my part as a good friend, I offer my most sincere apologies. Bad memories has to go away and it's you guys around me that make it easier for me. I thank God for having friends like you all. You guys are really great. I thank a special someone out there who has been there through out listening and just simply being there, i promise you I would pick myself up from where I fell. No more signs of weakness from me. I too can be a survivor. New year with a new goal and new wishes. I simply hope I can still pick up from where I left off without much difficulty. But even with the difficulty, I would still hang on. Humans are not perfect, they make errors on the way. What matters most is you know where you go wrong and start anew, bearing in mind never to repeat them again. Survivors are people who pick themselves up after they fall and I want to be one too. And once again, thank you all my dear friends. Whether you know it or not, I really do appreciate all of you. God is fair and he always is. I love you guys. Muacks! Have a nice year ahead and keep me in your prayers while I'll keep you all in mine too. Hope everyone would stay happy and this is my new year wish.

i made this discovery long time ago, didn't bother me that much then but someone reminded me again now and this time, it really hit into my heart. leona=alone. the letters of my name can form the word alone. it's fated. people always say fate can be changed and this is what i say to others too but bullshit, it's so hard to change fate. so difficult, so torturing that it ends up hurting you more. i really hate x'mas. period. and this is the finaly conclusion. everyone out there are happy, with their beloved. so many couples out there that it makes me sick. why is everyone so goddamn happy about x'mas except me. why is everyone so fucking living in bliss except me. fuck, someone just take me away so i don't have to face all these shit.. somone just come.. please.....

Not very long ago, there was this 17 year old girl.
She was thrown into the deep end of the pool and she didn't know how to swim.
She struggled.
She thought she would die.
Then, she gave up totally.
She wanted to die.
As she sinked deeper and deeper into the pool, she realised how stupid she had been all this while.
There were floats around her to keep her alive but she chose not to see it.
She finally saw the light and she decided to give it a shot.
She struggled.
She reached out.
The float was just within her grasp.
And she got it.
She's saved.
However, it would be a long long time later when she would dare step anywhere near the pool again.

i can see my own damn flaws getting bigger and bigger in front of me, causing myself to see a very ugly side of me every single day. and it just don't get better. is rejection that difficult or is it just my own poor will. all the ugly evil creatures are eating me, biting me slowly and it hurts. it has always hurt. i've said once, i prefer hearing things being spoken to me rather than feel the things happening in front of me. because words do not lie. they are just thrown in front of you whether you like it or not but feelings can be wrong. i do trust my own instinct but they always tell me something negative... so i choose not to trust them. i want to hear it for myself. and true enough when i hear it, i don't like it. this sux.... it still hurts. ya, because i am young... whatever. this is not going to affect any part of my life. i can still do well in school, be a good friend to others. but leading a close to normal life doesn't mean it's normal. it's only close. and even if i m not wallowing in self pity, it doesn't mean that i stop hurting... wounds have not heal and already fresh wounds are up... what's this.... what's all this about.

seeing everyone living in bliss and contentment makes me wonder what's the true definition of bliss. i thought life was a bliss for me. i thought i found my true happiness but fate was cruel and unkind, it had to take everything away from me. leaving me nothing but a broken heart. i hate to admit this and i don't want to but i truly m*ss her. i know things are not the same for us and they never will ever be the same again but my heart refuses to listen to my head. my head always tells me to think logically and act practically but i was given a very rebellious heart who choose to let itself be shred and torn by the person i l*ve most. sometimes in my child-like mind, i asked myself why am i not chosen. why am i the one being abandoned. this black and dark pit feels so cold and empty. it's so cold in here. i just want to be someone by your side and to stay with you whether you are happy or sad, i guess it's too much to ask for. why say i am making assumptions when sometimes, your action already speak louder than words. your action tells all, i just chose to live in a world of deceit. here in my dark pit, i am surrounded by artificial affection and action. though not real, each and every thing that's passed to me slices my poor heart up even more. as this girl here sits in her pit, waiting for her only sunshine to come rescue her, tears well up because she knows deep down that her only sunshine would never rescue her ever again like the way she did long ago. memories of the past flashes back like it just happened yesterday. so, what's the real definition of bliss?

have you ever stand in a crowded public area and feel like screaming your head off at no one in particular? i have. have you ever wish for something so hard that you thought you might just die from wishing? i have. have you ever felt as if you simply have no control over your life and that you are just somone else viewing your life? i have. i don't like all these feelings.... i hate it. everyone says i am stronger or that i will get better. and i should take things as it comes. do they know how i really feel? it's ok. no one understands and i don;t want anyone to understand too.. what's the point... even if someone understands, i would still have all those feelings mentioned above... and everything still hurts alot.

everyone gives in to temptation at times. I am no exception. and i paid a great price for it. there are marks to prove it but whatever that's outside would heal. i am not sure about the inside and believe me, i don't care anymore. if this is what everyone wants to see on the outsider, then so be it. i can give it to them. it is easier to be a crowd pleaser, at least you know what to do. nothing can be tougher than dealing with yourself. no wonder there's da old saying. your greatest enemy is nobody but yourself... seriously... nothing can hurt me more than myself... and maybe it's down to one sentence. i don't care anymore. it doesn't matter whatever happens... this is fated. this is my goddamn pathetic life.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Looking into your eyes
I see no retreat
I see no backing away
All I see is the ugly truth you've brought to me

It doesn't matter how much I despaired
how much I care
The truth that you've brought to me only tells me
That there's no turning back

I see us in the future
I'm willing to be your one
I want to be by your side for as long as possible
if only you'd let me

I've given you my heart
only to be trampled on by you
why are you so cruel
to leave me alone

I pray to God that one day i would heal
but before that day arrive
I find that I may never feel
all because I love you so real

I've tried and I've given up. I told myself to move on and forget. I told myself not to look back. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to force myself to forget anymore because the fact is i can't. why bother to force myself when at the end of the day, I still see tears rolling down from my eyes. I am tired of pretending i am ok. I don't want to let those people who care about me down. I really truly want to tell you all I am okie and mean it but i can't. I can't stop the occasional tears that threatened to roll down. I suddenly want to question, what have I done to deserve this. Have I not been nice enough.. or have i not done enough charity. all I want is to be happy.. am i asking too much? why is happiness being taken away from me just like that. I dreamt and painted a beautiful picture of us in the future... why is it so easily destroyed. why am i not the chosen one. is it too much just to ask for happiness. I won't even be greedy. I just want a little bit... a little bit. i promise to be a really good girl? dun ask me whether m i ok anymore.. am tired of hearing that.. cos i really dunno what to say.... this is so difficult...especially when i m ill. why must i fall sick when no one's by my side to take care of me... i m not strong... though i really want to be... i really am not strong. you made me strong and proud to be living but you took that away from me. you made mi live with you beside me and now you choose to walk away. in what way m i not good... all my hopes and dreams are crushed. i want to do well and pursue a good career in the future with you beside me. encouraging me, supporting me. i've got pretty much nothing to lose now. why must this happen to me. came across this word, recluse. am pretty much like one now. this hurts. every single day i breathe, my wound just expand summore... hurts like hell.

who ever said that being bad is very easy is lying. what happened to the guilt department? I'm pretty sure that part stands a very big portion in everyone's heart. of course, I am not inlcuding those heartless people. how bad I want to get, I can't be. sad to say, I might truly be a good person right from the bottom of my heart. I am not saying being bad just means stealing, robbing, smoking and drinking. That's only on the surface... people who are truly bad do bigger things.. like terrorists? or people who plot and scheme against others. I want to become like that too but before I can think any further, I got stuck in the guilt department as usual. I can't plot. I can't scheme. maybe that's why i can never win. I am just too nice for my own good. this is just one of my weakness... there are actually more. can't afford to say it all at one shot. if i do, I would just have to kill myself at the end because I am too ashamed to face the world. This sux. and it's been long since i said it. Life sux.

F:

You've come upon a Rough
Stretch. Canyou make it through? You've come upon hard times.
Things aren't looking so goodto you and your life has seem to collapse into a
downward spiral. You've lostyour way and can't seem to find the right path to
take. You are probablydepressed and feeling lonely as you've lost sight
of those who love you. You maywander through this road with a few others like you
and are able to comfort themas they comfort you, but it is not enough. You've
lost something, maybe someoneclose, and with it you lost your faith in life.
You're probably confused andunsure what to do next. But the way will become
clear eventually. It alwaysdoes. This stretch that lies before you seems
never-ending and not worthtraveling. But don't let yourself fall, you may
have stumbled upon this,but pick yourself up as best you can and hold on to
that little bit of faith youhave. The road isn't as endless as it seems. All
things, good and bad must cometo and end. This too shall pass and you'll be
amazed at what good lay beyond itif you just find the strength within yourself to
try and make it.

we broke up. woah, I am amazed that I could even bring myself to type these wrods. but anyway, it's a fact. I've done everything a woman can possibly do when heartbroken. I've cried. I've despaired. I've asked God why is it so unfair. I've asked everyone is it my fault. I've been blaming myself, blaming her. cursing and swearing. and last night was the final straw. It just serve no purpose if i keep complaining to my friends.. keep crying to my friends, keep telling my friends how miserable i felt, i need to tell this to the person who caused it all and ta da, i acted like a crazy woman on the phone last night. I just kept scolding her without any hold back. it just came all out.. all of it.. the tears, all the words. what's the point of keeping those words to myself anymore when i can't even retain the heart. I know one fine day, i m going to wake up and realised how stupid i was to do such a thing. and what a disgrace i was but it helped. alot. i really felt much better. but i am still not ready to see her or hear her voice or anything. not ready to hear who she might like.. or who she have a crush on. it's just too much. so ya, i need time. when i am ready, i know i would be a much better person. yan say i am a strong person. am i really one.. i really got to find out myself.

woah. all the accumulated small sickness here and there finally lead to the final breakdown. was running a temperature of 39.5 degrees and it stayed this way for half the afternoon. actually, was feeling a little sick, had cough last night. i thought it would go away, but it didn't this morning. moreover, i was feeling freaking pissed off this morning. went to work, my cough didn't get better... wasn't soo angry but still didn't feel good. den came the last straw. just when i was about to leave work for home, which i simply can't wait, the rain came.... it's not that i didn't want to stay there longer to wait for the rain to stop, but i had nothing to do even if i stayed down there. so i walked to the mrt station in the rain. almost died when i was jay walking. mi slippers were so slippery that they came off. right in the middle of the road! gosh.. i had to walk back to the middle of the road to retrieve it. den and there, i thought i would die... but this is nothing compared to after i came home. was feeling very very miserable.... and terrible... no appetite... and like m coughing and sneezing non stop... temperature as high as ever.. i really thought i would die? cos like i was literally burning from the inside.... and yet at the same time, felt sooo cold... gosh... i m such a weakling... i know that, so i don't need anyone to remind me that, thank you very much. *sneeze and sneeze*
~am on a medical vacation~
might take a long time to recover... but.. oh well....

just woke up not too long ago. it's always at other people's hse that i can sleep in for so long. it feels good. everything feels good. it feels good that jie is finally back! ahaha, had nose bleeding last night. damn scary.. and those 2 heartless cousins of mine sae it's a usual thing for me so they totally ignored me.. hmph! could have slept longer today but i woke up because mi nose bleeding started again... woah... must be really heaty. had very nice dreams.... *smiles* things that can only happen in my dreams now. things i can only hear in my dreams now. sigh. being in my cousins' hse brought back lotsa memories... though all of us are different in some ways or others now, there are still some factors that will not change. no matter what happenes, we wld still be together and i know they still love mi. =) thanx everyone for being there physically or mentally.. wadever it is.. u guys have been great. at least i am not alone. i know i will never be right... =) jie is back... and she's looking for a job.. mi the other cousin will only finish her o levels tommorow. and after that, she's gonna be soo busy. that leaves me, still soo free.. hanging around... well, at least i have a job... lalala.. life still goes on... here's the old line from Johnsons' and Johnsons'--- no more tears.

i am totally shattered.

what a rainy rainy day. the end of my jeans never seem to be dry. was feeling rather uncomfortable yesterday, took panadols and went to sleep. had a rather good sleep, so good till i was late to meet xuanming. we are meeting the rest of them at ps to watch movie. okie.. here's the thing. i watched shutter with them today. leona went to watch a scary movie... wad an achievement yea? ahaha, everyone please sae they are proud of me... however, half the time i was covering my ears and another half covering my eyes. i dun really dare to watch the screen as a whole so i watched them from a corner of my eyes or something. anyway, i m very irritated with those 'kids' sitting behind us.. scared then sae scared lah.. a while scream scream abit.. a while giggle soo much.. den keep kicking the chair.. wahlao.. they are damn noisy and annoying lor... grrr.... after the movie.. we headed to the cc for the kindergarten graduation. lalala.. it's finally the day of graduation.... very noisy... with parents all around.. sum kids playing loudy... sum kids crying.. for wad i dunno.. ahaha.. many problems cropped up today.. such as the stage curtain could not open... it was really rather embarrassing.. cos the mp was sitting down liao and we took a long time to figure things out.. had to push forward sum other items... ahaha.. den it was the snow white skit... haik.. their voices can't even be picked up by the microphones lor! haik.. luckily the dance turned out fine... and i even shook hands with the mp todae.. the doctor vivien sumthing... they gave us a token of appreciation.. a gift from body shop.. ahahha... cool... i m starting to miss those kids... it's always like this... few months of practise all for one night.. and it's gone just like that..

i have no idea what is going on but my body is feeling damn hot and i m feeling cold from the inside. my head hurts and da same goes for my feet as well. i can explain why my feet hurts though. today is the first day of mi work, stand for a rather long time. actually, this is nothing compared to those daes where i had to work at the food court.. i mean wad.. i had to work 12 hours. i guessed it's just that it's been so long since i worked... have been slacking and lazing around.. and tt's why now just start working.. a while tired liao... need to get used to working... can't blog anymore... mi head really hurts and m really feeling hot... i m not sooo pathetic right.. where got work one day sick liao...

happy birthday charmaine! that ger ar, got alot and alot to tok abt.. a slightly better version of cf. ahaha, a rather packed day. woke up early this morning and headed straight to the kindergarten or rather the cc as they are having a full dress rehearsal there. woah, very hectic.. eveyone is very frantic.. not very organised and as u can imagine, putting soo many little boys and girls there, the amount of noise level you get. you can't hear very well in there. hmmm, the items that we are in charge of didn't turn out very well and we wun have another rehearsal anymore until the actual day, m afraid it wun come out well. i mean what does it reflect on us. haik, wld see how it goes on friday. i m actually anticipating that day to come. another function that can dress up a little. wooo... =) after the kindergarten thingy, rushed back from buona vista to have organ lesson.. and after i came out from the showers, she already reached my place.. and by the time the lesson ends, i need to rush to bugis to meet the rest... note that from morning until 5 plus in the evening.. i did not eat anything! and mi transportation fees increases rapidly! after meeting all of them except the bdae girl of cos, we went straight to buy birthday cake and flowers... and then yan, cf and angel headed to phin's while boon and i waited for charmaine to reach bugis... i waited and waited and my tummy growling and growling. after char arrives, we rushed to phin's. nice place. but i waited for a very long time before mi food came and hello? i m the one who did not eat a thing since morning.. i waited almost a hour for mi food.. luckily, i also ordered a mushroom soup that came earlier. it was a mega talking session with charmaine taking the lead.. i dun mind cos didn't really feel like toking much.. too hungry u see. den pic takin.. forgot to bring my samsung fone there... wad a waste! sang bdae song.. ate cake.. and we are ready to leave... hanged around at bugis with char and yan while the rest of them went home first. the 3 of us soo poor thing.. with blisters on our feet.. ahaha, vain mah.. 3 of us wear heels! mine not soo bad as yan and char wan.. and then fx came to pick us up and send char and i home.. lalala.. save $$ on transportation... =) soo here i m home.. ready to bathe and watch my show.

charmaine and me.... though not perfect bodies... but close lah.. hor?? ahaha  

what's wrong with mediacorp! what's wrong with the champions!? what's wrong with the scriptwriter? izzit scared the ending he or she write we wun like it? tt's y need viewers to vote for the ending.. sooo crappy right!? soooo damn crappy! summore wld show the ending only tmr??? what the hell... i wun be home to watch tmr lor! crap crap crap! went sentosa today with charmaine, winnie and cf. ahaha, no sun. my mama will love it manz. and i did sumthing soo brave today that even i m proud of myself. i swam across the waters!! i know it's no big deal to sum people out there but it's a great achievement for mi u noe. sumone like me soo scared of leg not being able to touch the ground can swim across... by the time i got there, i m soo breathless! i really feel sooo dead and giddy!!! i felt as if i just went through an ordeal! ahaha, i rested a damn long time that i even ask cf go back first cos she swam there with me. i rested and rested.. finally decided to swim back.. felt sooo terrible after that.. head soo giddy.. just feel like dropping down and die! i drank soo much water.. the water is soooo salty... it will be a long long time later after i decided to be ambitious again... after that, 4 of us went sakae to eat... wow.. it was a damn rushy meal manz.. if charmaine reads this, she will noe why.. but i decided not to spoil her beautiful reputation by saying this cos by 12 midnight.. it's her birthday! ahaha... sooo her parents send mi back.. dozed off a little on the car... had a very scary experience crossing many many big roads at a time.. thoughy anytime i wld just hear BANG! and i wld lie there flat! ahaha.. anyway, m safely home.. tmr is kindergarten day... wooo... full dress rehearsal manz.. good luck to those kids... maybe i wld miss them... =)

i guess things are all over. or rather, i would choose to think this way. no answers, no replies. things are getting d.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t. i don't know how to handle them anymore. time to get back on track. even if i don't, the whole world is still moving on. people are still having o levels, people are still working day in, day out. nothing's changed. everyone seemed to be moving so fast ahead that no one actually heard my heart breaking into pieces. just a tiny sound. i don't want to cry for help. i don't need help. what's the point. on the track to recovery, allow me to sae i miss you. i know that she probably won't care. but i can't help it. i really do. looks like i m destined to spend every x'mas alone. that's why i hate x'mas that much. thought i wld change my opinion this year, everything is destined.

I am not happy. I am tired but who else can i blame except my goddamn self. you have been patient with me, more than your usual self can allow. you have been tolerating. you have been very good to me. what more can i ask from you? you are just what i want and need so what's with me being unreasonable. me being petty, me being overly sensitive and emotional, me being a freaking bitch. one whom everyone wants to avoid at all costs. i m surprised at your patience and i m very thankful for it so why am i being such a greedy bitch? this is the cause of my unhappiness. all the fault lies in me. why do i always like to spoil every perfect moment. every little unhappiness and argument these daes are caused by none other than me. i want to bring you happiness. be an angel guarding and protecting you. but an angel does not cause you to frown. an angel should not even make you unhappy. i failed terribly and i am ashamed. maybe i m really tired. physically and it can be seen on my face. my freaking eye rings are getting worse and i look like a bloody drug addict. pale and lifeless.

sorry baby for everything. I don't want you to be upset and much less, see you frown. It's me and my greed that cause my unhappiness. You have been great. Thanx for everything you've done. I m blessed to have you. really. do bear with me at times when i am nothing but a childish brat. i m sorry...

me when i was over at her place. =) i like this particular picture.. both wearing white... pure and lovely! =) 

here i am again at my darling's house or else i wun be able to blog anyway. was a tiring day, didn't sleep at all from yesterday until this morning at 10 am. finally bought mi jigsaw puzzle... very nice. with many sunflowers. 1000 pieces and i tink i m addicted. can't stop wanting to finish it up.. i love it. m shure it can take away my concentration for sum unwanted stuff. way to go gal! okie, so friday, i went for mi class bbq. not the whole class was there though, just a few of us. tonight is the night where most of our classmates wld be there but i have decided to give it a miss cos i wanna spend time with my dearest. she's off today and on ph tmr.. =) the bbq was alright. not bad but not great. i like the stingray though, jack marinated it himself. he's very proud of it i noe. however, his marinated chix wings is too salty... there's also otah, dough sticks (first time eating this at a bbq), prawns, i didnt eat much cos i was too lazy to peel, and there's no sausages! hmph! n no prok tt he sae he wld marinate, ahaha, but i tink tonight wld be the more food night.. oh well, i have my dear. =) we are gonna eat steamboat later. anyway, after the bbq, hanged out there a while to play daidee and bit bit mahjong. or rather, i was watching pple play mahjong. too many pple, can't all play at the same time. after i left the place, headed straight to baby's place to bathe and off we headed to town to watch princess diaries 2. i noe she's not very keen abt watching this show. she tinks the money wun be worth it. but i like! sooo.. ahaha. after the show ended abt 4 plus, she drove us back and by the time we were on the bed, it's 5... i decided to watch singapore idol (she recorded for me) and by the time we watched finish, her parents are up and we decided to go out for dimsum breakfast. woah... i was quite stony at the breakfast table. felt like i was floating...kept yawning. baby and i wanted to go town to get bedsheets. however, the shops are not opened at like 9 plus in the morning. when reached home, i literally died on the bed. slept from ten plus this morning to abt 4:30 in the afternoon.. =) felt much much better after the sleep. woke up and did sum cleaning up of the room with her. =) i wun do this at home for my bedroom wan lor. power of love manz.. =) gotta go bathe soon and head out to eat steamboat with her... lalala~

me and xiuwen at coffeebean todae. met up with her... m missing her already. can't wait to see her again. i miss all my frens... 

I can't blog at home!! there's something wrong with my computer... =( haik, m at her house now then better faster blog. have been leading rather meaningless life ever since my exams ended. hmm, waiting for my results now. went to the kindergarten just now. since our exams ended and their graduation day is nearing, we need to go there more often and get them to practise their dance steps and their skit. gosh, those kids are after my blood can. they are so loud and noisy, even worse than putting three women together, which is said to be like a market. i tink iwas on the edge to vomit blood can. i shouted, i showed black face, i showed attitude. i threatened them, scolded them and insulted them. i did everything that i can possibly do. gosh. what's wrong with them, i m not even asking them to perfect their performance, just asking them to shut up for once, and they can't even do that. yucks. the highlight of the day is that baby went to the kindergarten to pick me up.. sooo sweet of her. =) i made sushi for her yesterday and gave it to her.. baby only gave mi 5 marks. =( nvm.. i noe where the fault lies in. if i have the time and energy and the interest, i shall make it for her again. m glad i passed and at least she finished all the sushi. =) exams ended liao.. what should i do manz... hmmm.... m really bored.. waiting for all those jc pple to finish their pw.. someone date mi out! now! fast please... bored... something not very nice happened on monday. make mi pause to think. i want to take a holiday being myself cos if i continue being myself, there's no way i can get what i want. it's time to learn again, dun let mi guard down. things wld never be happily ever after and that i can't take things for granted yea.. anyway, looking forward to this weekend. wun get another chance to blog till den.

angel and I before the concert.. miss u.... meet up again to do more catching up okie? 

i've just look into the mirror. i dun like what i saw. i dun look good and i m frowning damn badly. it doesn't help at all when i came home and the lights outside my house are flickering. m having a splitting headache. everywhere hurts! had econs exam today. not good. flipped out. everything went wrong. not enough time. just hope i can pass. it's just a very small wish of mine. after econs, went clementi for lunch. not a good lunch... =( went to kindergarten after that to teach those kids. took a bus there, guess the bus was too jerky, by the time i reached the kindergarten, my head is soo pain that i feel that they are gonna burst. this sux. luckily, todae the kids weren't that bad, so this is the first thing tt actually went well. wow... met up wtih angel and yan at tampines after that. another good thing tt happened. it's good to just sit around and chat, m sure there are lotsa things to tok abt. had another sucky meal. what's the point of eating when everything seemed to taste worse than the one before. before we actually could warm our seats, we headed to tj to watch a choir concert. i asked myself, y did i even agree to sue to come, but guessed i didn't regret it after all, it was good. especially the second part, more of entertaining i supposed. but not too bad. after we parted, took bus no, 12 and it took me 10 seconds on the bus to realise i m on the wrong side. so i got off the next stop, climbed the overhead bridge and luckily, bus 12 came soon after. wah, 3 things i ought to be happy abt today.. wah... soo many when there are a thousand things tt i m not happy abt. this sux. alot. came home and mi head really really hurts. m i suffering from sum brain tumour. gosh, just let mi die. this is worse than hell. living is worse. =( y izzit that sum tacky guy think it's appropriate to buy girls mac's hello kitty?? excuse me? hello kitty is worse enough, althought people were crazy over them a few years back but now? mac's hello kitty is worse! what's wrong with guys? do they have hay for brains or something? i've done mean things but i really didn't do it on purpose. didn't noe tt people wld not like it so much. i m sorry. i m sincere, just tired. tired of everything. hate exams. end soon please. and relieve mi from torture. pure hatred. =(

stayed at home the whole day to study econs. gosh, what's with perfect competition and monopoly etc. they are driving mi a little nuts. i tot i studied finish today but suddenly, everything seemed to disappear from my memory, wad's demand and wad's supply?! gosh, m soo stressed... think i m suffering from nervous breakdown. m always like tt. feel the urge of exam only during the last min.. i m sooo nervous.. dun tink i wld do well. =( but i studied!! haik. shall continue studying.. looks like i wun be able to sleep well tonight.

me and her on the train heading towards bugis... sweets...=) 

*smiles* a beautiful day. feeling good, still smiling. took a break from studying and went to watch 2046 with her. it's a very arty farty show but it's good. nice scenes, pretty people to look at and this show makes mi pause and think, ponder, wonder. that stupid ah yan sae i watch this show sure fall asleep one so listen there!! i didn't sleep, k! in fact, i appreciated the show! ahahaha. after the show, me and her went to bugis to eat steamboat, our all time favourite. steamboat taste even better, so much better on rainy and chilly days. kinda not going to meet up after tonight for the whole of next week so that i can concentrate on my studies. m missing her badly... it's a chilly night and i want to be in her arms.
I want to be your angel, to protect you and shield you from things that would harm you. i want to bring you nothing but more smiles and warmth in your life. being with you always makes me the happiest woman alive. to hold your hand, to be in your arms simply bring a smile to my face. and all i want is to be in your arms always... =) i miss you.

am currently sitting in front of the computer at my dearest's house. came over her place at noon, ate a good lunch today and piak, back into my books. she insist i must study or else no dinner for me, so stupid right, like mother like that, but this threaten wun work. she noes it and i noe it too. cos mi dearest wld definitely feed me to the fullest, *smilez* this explains how come i m putting on weight... hmph... after studying for like 2 and a half hours with her sleeping beside me, cldn't take it, marketing tb just doesn't seem as tempting as her so i went to sleep but i studied, k! cannot accuse mi! slept till 6 when she wakes up to go cook dinner for me. this is bliss. i m loving every moment i m spending with her. i love her bed, love her cooking, not cos it's world class food but because she actually took effort to cook for mi and because it's her! everything seems so perfect at this moment. i wun allow anyone to come spoil my heaven. You make me th happiest woman ever. *hugs* =)

my itab is a gone case. I am so going to flunk it! haik, not enough time to tink thru how to do it, didn't complete my chart, didn't complete my formula questions and didn't even touch on macro. wow, wad an achievement yea? m home early today. i was very lazy just now, when i reached tampines mall, i was soo lazy to take a bus home so i decided to ask daddy come pick mi and he did... so sweet of him to make an extra mile to come pick mi. reached home, slacked around then went out for dinner till now. m gonna take a bath soon to freshen myself so that i can officially start studying. gosh, m so full. feel like a pig.. =( i realised how much i loathe sweet talkers. they are just a bunch of people who lie right thru their teeth and bullshit through all the way. so why oh why, there are stupid women in this world willingto fall for them? izzit deprivation or what? i wonder... sch is getting more and more tiring. facing people who annoy me, carefully hiding my feelings away so that no one sees them or hear wad bad things i gotta sae. u never noe when this piece of news wld spread directly to the person's ears. m i just out in this battlefield alone? is this what my life from now is abt? it doesn't seem very attractive but i wld fight, i wld move on~

am counting down to my doom. m in the library now, trying so hard to figure itab out, so hard that I forgot to call my dearest up and so hard, mi head actually hurts. Can't wait to get this over and done with so I can go home and start studying. now, even studies appeal to me more than itab. =( this is the consequences of constantly surfing and blogging during itab lesson, ahaha, excel is soo difficult. What's with the so many functions! IF? AND? OR? COUNTIF? LOOKUP? what the hell are all those manz! i dun care anymore. I wanna pass.. let's hope that I do. I m quite tired, if there's no test later, I wld probably be at home sleeping away like a log but... Mi thighs are aching... my jeans feel soo tight. I am soo fat... ahaha, I sound like sumone who got eating disorders but i dun! when i m with her, how can i have eating disorders.. we eat like pigs.. =) aniway, Happy 38th Monthsary to my Nu Peng You! I miss you alot alot too! can't wait to see you again, promise mi we must meet, k?

balance. take and also not forgetting to give. trust. I spent a beautiful sunday with my dearest. went over in the morning. her mum bought duck rice for us... hmmm, it was not too bad but i dun eat duck skin and duck wings? so tt silly ger sae i picly abt food. >( overall, it's still not too bad, k? we watched a recorded singapore idols cos both of us missed it that dae.. quite disappointing but anyway, it's too late to comment abt anything cos the results are out. m very happy jerry is out.. why is no one doing anything to cover his dark eye rings. not sae i m in any position to comment abt his.. mine's getting worse.. dun even wan to tok abt it but he's on tv!! so he shld do sumthing abt it.. well, he's out.. good ridance. attempted to study accounts after that.. hmmm... did a few chapters but keep falling asleep. was studying in another room so i tot i wld go to baby's room and check out what she's doing. she's sleeping!!! i tried to go back to my books after that, but it's impossible!! so i joined her in bed... good sleep we had.. =) woke up and cooked maggie to eat... it was a good day but i promised her and promised myself that i wld do revision and really spent quality time studying starting frm tmr... with u by my side, everything seems reachable and possible. i bette go do sum planning and start making frens with accounts, econs and marketing... ha =)

alright, just call me a bitch. maybe i m just too much to handle, wad can i say to a bunch of people who haven't grown up. well, welcome to the reality world with bitches and bastards around. learn it this way manz, i m not considered the worst, i can be worse than this. this is nothing. u tink the world full of nice people all around for u? oh pls.. tink twice! and pls, grow up manz. this is really nothing. i can be even harder and more bitter than this. oh gosh, someone kill mi. i hate this world, full of pretense and everyone is so fake! ew! can't take it, leave this world then... leave mi then. no pretend to be so nice in front of mi when u dun mean it. dun test mi patience.. hu do u tink u are. in this world, i wld only tolerate mi person and just too bad, u dun have the honour to be that person. i finally understood when eve said it is actually quite good to be alone at home. i totally understand it liao. i wan to be alone. to be shut in the house. i dun wan to go out. i dun wan to face anyone, anyone at all. dun tok to mi, dun come near mi. i m so ready to kill. fuck it! i hate this world, i really do. it onli makes mi wan to climb even higher and crush everyone under my feet. i m not going to show any merci, cos i really hate this world. fuck!

i m confused to what to do and what not to do. if i m nice, and loosen mi grip, will u stray away from me and betray me? if i tighten the grip, you would most probably leave mi even earlier and hate mi for controlling you. wadever!

it's a beautiful Friday morning. I had a good breakfast. watching a good show. It's gonna be a good day if I were to stay at home and face books. I don't even mind facing books but no, I m going to this kindergarten, a hell to face all those little terrors. They are just going to drive me so mad! gosh.. no mood to blog liao... i just wanna go get it over and done with... =(

depression. looking at my reflection everywhere, my self-esteem gets lower. m seriously getting fatter. i wld never forget how difficult it is for me to get out of my shell, but feel that i m crawling back in slowly again. i miss my friends. all of them. i feel like i m out in the open world and m getting hurt and just suffering from the cruelity of the outside world, i just wanna run into the arms of my frens, with them telling me everything wld be fine. with them patting on my back and telling me it wld be okie... bad times wld be over. thinking about them now actually brings tears to my eyes. how i wan to meet up with them now, right at this moment, but no, time tells mi i gotta do sum serious studying. there are two types of people. one put worries aside and leave to fate and one bring worries in and hoping to change their fate... sad to say, i belong to the second one... hmmm, nothing else is more impt now than studying... after exams can meet mi frens liao.. i really really miss you guys alot...

Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends, it only reminds us Life is not perfect without a friend.

m having a very bad time. m growing fatter and fatter each day and my skin is getting dryer and dryer. looking more and more haggard like a freaking drug addict. m not appealing.. lost mi appeal and charm... ahaha, not sae i have alot to begin with. now, even worse, hu the hell would look at mi! gosh!!! dun feel good... =( went to school todae for stats and marketing. last stats tutorial, we had an open book online ca... scored a 100 for it.. good, at least that's a confirmed 5 marks for me. after that tragedy of failing mi first ca. not good in sch. wad's wrong with people. if u are not happy with thigs, jusr spill it out, why cause people to think and ponder, wonder what in da hell did they do wrong. moods were dampened. people can't stop thinking, they just think and not talk at all... it makes things awkward. maybe i m not in da situation.. tt's why i can sae things soo easily now, but what is actually wrong?i dunno and i dun have the time to go ponder these things now. tot todae is da last marketing lecture but no, she had to drop a big and fat bomb that got all of us soo pissed off with her... we have to wake up early thurs morn to go attend her lecture on wad? direct marketing... freak... had organ lesson todae, like after a long long time... went to eat dinner with dad.. and came back and do mi powerpoint, wanted to make it pretty, but i guess it's not pretty... i put in da effort... i dunno wad else can i do about it liao.... haik.. =( gotta go type out mi notes already. time for some mini revision.

the feeling is coming back and I don't like it one little bit. you won't like it too. what the hell is wrong with me!? i should have known, I should have known. things were just not tt beautiful and it never will be. I m back to square one.. leona, walk on.. please walk on and move on!!! and stop deceiving yourself... everything is soo fucked up. =(

yummy tom yam steamboat 

woah, damn tired todae. came back, my feet hurts like hell and i feel sooo hot and oily. i went to take a bath and intending to take a short nap. but yan called. anyway, m glad i pick up da fone. girl, take it easy, k? i understand how u feel yet on the other hand, i hafta stay neutral to be a better judge of the situation. anyway, wld keep u in my prayers, meanwhile, take care and study hard. anyway, had a very good and relaxing sundae with dearest yesterday. watched many vcds, took a mini nap and went tbp. we intended to eat thai express or sakae, however, we found this rajainn or sumthing like tt... cannot remember the exact name.. it was a pleasant surprise and she loved the food dere. it's very economical too.. we are gonna go back dere sooon.. met jean yesterdae.. and ya, the tom yum is fantastic!! yummy!! ahhaa, drank coffee bean and wate da cake after tt... woah.. full manz.. but it feels good.. i like this type of sunday.. =) i better got offline sooon.. she's waiting for mi to call. anyway.. i can't stand cel***e's new stead... ewwww... yuck!!!! m sure amelia wld agree with mi... right??

monday blues. tired. feet hurts. sucky shoe. it looks good but the owner doesn't feel good. new shoes. =( formal presentation this morning. i was so nervous that i couldn't balance, mi leg was shaking but luckily, no one saw, so it's a secret... shhhh... got back accounts. was expecting to fail but i didn't. however, i dun feel satisfied cos i dun really understood wad i wrote or wad i did in da papers. none of the things i wrote is in my memory, where has it gone? =( itab, realised i have been doin relatively well in itab, surprisingly... if i were to flunk mi excel next week, it wld be rather wasted yea? gosh, m hungry.. mi feet hurts.. shld i go changi airport or go back face mi mum.. sumhow, the first option seem more appealing... i hate excel.... i hate school, i wan my bed... ahaha, this is really monday blues. next mon good luck... i need lots of it....

woah, have been a busy week. not busy studying though, busy with everything else but my studies. but this happy week is gonna come to an end, i gotta start studying big time cos mi exams are coming in less than 3 weeks!!! went town twice this week with eve, shopped till mi legs gonna break, we practically walked the whole of town and into every shop available trying soo hard to find her something decent to wear for our formal presentation. it was fun.. but my feet hurt soo much and mi head hurts soo much that i skipped half the dae of lesson todae. i only went after da break. was feeling super super lazy this morning... didn't have da energy to wake up at all. have been very happy this week... this is something good and i want to keep it this way. however, yan doesn't seem to be doing good over her tt side... i can see the bitch of her class is really pushing her to the limits. i wan to be dere for yan but i can't and dere's pretty much nothing i can do... tt bitch!! bully mi fren.. wait till i find out hu is she.. m gonna make her life miserable... hmmm, doens't sound like wad i wld do but i can't stand it, her pushing yan to her limits.. grrr.. she make mi sooo mad... freak her lah... next week gonna be a good week. but before that, m looking forward to this weekend.. m going sentosa... and gonna spend time with my frens... =) lalala, last weekend of enjoyment before hardcore studying.. god has been nice to me so it's time for mi to put in da effort.. =)

not meeting up as often and not calling you up as often doesn't mean i ve changed or that my love has changed. i've seen things in a different way and it makes mi really happy. i hope u see things in my way too. go do whatever u like and i will always be here for you. u can count on that, really. i miss you.. truly miss you.

sweet and cosy 

my eye bag is getting worse!! even the most expensive or branded concealer won't be able to save mi! how!!?? already not so very pretty liao now with all the drak rings, look even more haggard, no wonder no one dotes on me anymore... haik.... another very ordinary day. m starting to get cik of things in school. everything is soo lifeless and still. supposedly to have oragn lesson todae but my teacher msged mi and tell me her car bumper spoil and she's sending it for repair so she can't cum. den came home, intendin to sit down and watch my 13 goin 30 but chinfang called and asked mi out. m really lazy to go all da way to bugis so i got her to come to tampines instead and she really came! so i went to shop with her for her fren's bdae present... and den we bought dinner and came back and watch 13 goin 30 together. everything is so monotonous. something has been on my head since few days ago, just can't seem to simmer down. i m pissed off, i really m.... >( freak lah. i dun wanna do the thinking anymore. no one cares and bothers anyway... wtf! i m sooo thirsty..... =(

i am suffering from a very serious disease--- tiredness. this is a very bad disease cos the disease doesn't come in the night, doesn't come in the day, but it only comes in da morning when i m trying so hard to pay attention to my tutor. pon itab todae to go town with evelyn. that girl ar, had such a hard time lookin for her formal wear... and i had such a hard time looking for my shoes.... =( mi thorat hurts, have been hurting since last week.... sooo uncomfy. aniwae, we walked and walked until our legs almost gave way, it was very very tiring! den we went centrepoint's macs to eat ice cream. she gotta go and cf came to meet mi after that, we were doing sum catching up and ys called mi to sae she wannt meet so she also came along to meet us. it's very rare of her to call mi and wld actually meet mi so i tink sumthing's wrong and i m rite. she's being "bullied" in class.. haik... what's wrong with these pple? bully my girl... hmph!!! ys is someone that one has to take da effort to noe her better and then to find her inner self and tt's what i like abt her.... her inner self.... sum pple just can't appreciate it.. cheer up girl, u still have us.... my throat really hurts... voice abit change already.... *cough cough*

happiness is not something that is within my reach. it takes time, effort and patience before i can get my happiness. one has to go through many emotions before she can get happiness. if mine was a smooth sail, there wun be as much things to look forward to already, yea?

woah, wad a weekend for me. first, it was disgusting accounts paper and then i went all the way to toa payoh with the intention of going out with mi cousin only to find her still in bed. pos... she ar, sooo long liao, still haven't change. from young, i always got difficulty waking her up and i still have that problem now too. waited one hr for her to wake up, den after she wake up, she darg and drag time... and den both of us just lie on da bed after lunch, with her giving the excuse, too full, she can't bathe and den both of us started toking. it feels really really good. really miss those daes with her... where we got soo much to sae and i also miss jie too. when she finally got up to go bathe, it was already close to evening time. we went mustafa a while den went town to sit around and drink coffee... everything feels realli realli goood. =) went to watch white chix, midnight movie.. it is a damn funny show!!! i love it!!! lalala and it was a wise decision to watch at cine. can u imagine we watch at great world? ahahhaa, anyway, singaporeans realli got no life, saturday, half of singapore seemed to be in town, it was disgustingly crowded, even after the movie... gosh! sundae, went to a car showroom... cool... first time dere and i learned alot and it realli inspire mi to wan to get a licience asap so i can drive! and den went town to shop shop. i m tinking of getting another line for mi sumsung fone.. hmmmm.. must start to do sum calculation.... bought mi fomal wear already.. cost mi near to 90 bucks manz... and mum is so nice, she's gonna sponser mi another 50 bucks to get mi shoes... lalala... =) better go sleep, tmr gotta go sch early...

even when ur skies are grey, i hope to be da rainbow that wld shine through. be nicer to yourself or rather, shld i sae, dun tink so much at the moment and enjoy whatever u have now to the fullest. i feel that that's more impt and to pursue ur dreams and ambitions while i pursue mine too, knowing that we wld be there for each other.

happy childrens' dae!!! spent the whole day at home todae, it was a rather frutiful day, at least those guys didn't want to play mahjong straight when dey reach my house, we did quality studying den we set our butt down and play mahjong. we played till evelyn came and den we took turn to play. with one person doing his stuff. at this point, mi head got very pain.. and i felt very sticky all over, maybe cos i didn't bathe the whole dae so i got up and watched the results of Singapore Idols... oh.. talking about that, i m soooo pissed off!!! jeassea is out!!! i expected beverly to be out and i thought jerry would be out but no, it was jeassea!! why!! it's soo unfair!!!! i want to complain!!!! must write in, wad's wrong with singaporeans? dey got no eyes or no ears? grrr... sooo unfair, just because she's not a singaporean and she has very little fans? soo unfair!=( haik, gotta go bathe.. and sleep. thnx guys for staying until quite late to accompany me, i really needed that.. thnx!

a brand new month, brand new day and a brand new start. keep telling myself that. to block off sumone from your head is not easy when everything I do keep reminding mi of her but i m strong, i will try, even if i can't, i wld still hold on and try to do so cos that's da best option i have in front of mi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMELIA!!! ahaha, finally 17 liao le. i bet u waited damn long for this day right, keep counting down. mi darling 9 years friend... though haven't been keeping in touch much, i really hope u wld believe me when i sae u are always in my prayers and thoughts. so on your birthday, i made a few wishes too. i hope you wld stay happy always. it's always your crankiness and lameness that wld cheer mi up on my most down dae. hmmm, wad's with my english manz but aniwae, do stay like this cos i love this amelia that i noe. my strength and mi source of happiness, with a fren like you, i've got nothing much to ask for. i noe u wld always be dere for mi whenever anythinn happens to me yea.. u better sae yes... or else, no ten years for us!! no anniversary!! lalalala. doesn't mean i only like the cheery u... i like every other part of you too. i prayed for your studies as well, good luck... and hmmmm, i pray that u wld be mi fren for always.... we still must go learn driving together yea? =) lastly, hope u've enjoyed urself todae... wld make up for not being able to spend this day with u... and take lotsa care... u are being loved and missed by mi... =)

Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

After all...
After all...

what's happening to everyone around me? nothing feels the same anymore. maybe i shld just stop thinking... it's not doin me any good. y bother abt the future? i wasn't so bothered in da past and i was happy, so y not now? if loving u makes mi can't see what's ahead and wad's beside me, i m already long blind... if u wanna sae it, just do, y hide? i m facing alot of issues right at this point. not only do i hafta face u, i've got other people to face as wel, other annoying people... why can't people be honest... if they got sumthing to ask, just do it.. if they got sumthing to sae, just sae it.... i tink i noe wad to do already. since i m not getting it, i dun wanna try animore.. make miself so damn freaking miserable.. no point.... things wear out... get thinner... pretence and lies.... cheating and betrayal..... rough time.... i actualli miss last year... where mi onli obstacle was o levels. it may be tough but it was harmless. i have enemies everywhere, i dunno hu to trust. only child since young.. being with sumone helps alot.... playmate, frens.. without them, i wld be lonely, since when was it that loneliness is eating into me bit by bit.. bit by bit... till da dae i die.... i dun trust anymore.. i dunno how to... if i were to continue this step into mu career. tink i wld die. i m just not cut out for it. maybe i realli do belong sumwhere... but i wanna be strong... i wanna be strong... no more tears for mi.. cos a tough one never cries.. wad cld be worse than having no money and no trust.... nothing... nothing at all... freaking bad dae... freaking bad mood

I no longer know what's the truth and what's not. I rather be naive and take words for what they are. I don't want to think anymore because the more I think, the more it hurts. Guess this is just the cycle of life. God gave you the happiest moments that one can ever imagine and then in return, he must bring you the most unhappiest moments too. When can I ever get out of this phrase of my life? It's too much, too terrible to think. I've talked to peopl around me. I've heard different opinions but I've yet to hear what my heart wants to say and what it wants. I am just running away from what I need to face. I am a coward and everyone knows that. I don't want the truth anymore. I am just leading my life in a blur now... in a daze, in a haze...

i've thought it over. possession is not everything. to overcome loneliness and to maintain situation is difficult but there are people who can do it, i am sure. the difference between us is getting more and more clear and the time i'm getting inured is getting more and more, deeper and deeper each time. our objectives are different and it's clearly shown. i can't get u over my side and i m trying too hard to get over to ur side till i neglected things which are more important at this point of time. sumtimes i wonder, wad i want is really simple, can't u even do it for me... i guess tt's where the wound gets deeper from. different view, different mindsets, different goals and different lifes. it is difficult to cross a wide vally, the first step to take is alwasy very hesistating, whether to or not and this is where one gets hurt but once over the big valley, things wld be more in place, at ease. once this stage is over, i would be fine. i haven't grew from then till now. i thought i have and like usual, i m always wrong. when can i make a judgement on my own that's right... the judgement day is not here yet, might never come. sumtimes, i go to extreme just to avoid human. human are so scary. they warm your hearts as fast qas they cold it. they are two-faced and they tok behind u. they hide things from u and tell of u to others? maybe it's wrong of me to make that decision i did 2 years ago, wondering if i continue to be wad i was in da past, maybe life wld be better, at least i wun get hurt so easily if i dun open up as much. life is a miracle but to put human in life is a mistake. they spoil ur life as fast as they create happiness. i tot i was living in bliss, boy was i so wrong. why m i always wrong. god created mi to judge wrongly and make mistakes one after another? when would i learn. u are no different from the rest. at the end of the day, u are just like the rest. i like opening new books, but i can't finish the main content den i wld jump to ending cos ending is always good... or so i thought. i like new beginnings and maybe i should give miself one and tt's where i wld finally grow up. new beginnings= new me. no point being nice, no one appreciates cos human are just so ugly in nature... new beginnings= new life.

when i was young, i read fairy tales and learn of happily ever after. now, when i grew up, realised that in reality, there's no such thing as happily ever after. i tot things were perfect, i tot everything was painted beautifully, i tot this i tot that, well, i was wrong. the harsh reality slapped me right into my face and tell mi i m wrong. there's no beautiful picture now, no beautiful picture in da future... nothing is ever lasting. i was naive, i m young. all of the dreams i had have to be stored away, i dun wanna lie to miself animore, i wanna be truthful.. wake up to reality. it was dere all the while, right in front of mi, i chose to ignore it and followed devil to hell. i've got my retribution. a big one. it's mi fualt aniwae, being inquisitive. i never learn, i tot i cld make things better, i tot i was an angel.. at the end of the day, i m still a devil follower. after all, there are no such thing as hppily ever after.

just finished my econs assesment and copying of accounts notes. wad m i doing online so late and not toking to my baby, well, simply cos she went clubbing. ahaha, aniwae, handed in fom project todae, finally. cum to tink of it, wad's the pt of saying dun tink we wld do well after we hand in our project? funny, if u ve tot abt it, u shld have put in effort right from the start rite?
>( aniwae, it was a short dae for mi, ending at 12 and after that, we had CD discussion, woah, surprisingly, we can produce sum stuff, guess cos there's dal. she keeps pushing us to tink and continue producing ideas and skeleton... which is good.. dun even wan to tok abt the pple in my group, quite dl tinking abt them. met baby after project discussion, was realli happy to see her, as she really brightens up my dae as usual... ahahha, but due to the hot weather, our moods were quite dampened. tot of taking a nap or rest when we reach her place after we eat but sumhow, sms keep coming in, fone keep ringing... it was rather annoying, k! so we decided to go for a jog, as planned mths ago i guess. so ya, todae, i finally ran 6 rounds!! woah!!! i can still run, i m surprised!! lalala, but after running 3 rounds, i started having a really bad tummy till at the end of 6 rounds, summore with a sprint, i was rushing for toilet already. ouch.... it felt food tho... after the jog, went home, get changed and baby went to meet her frens so i followed... ate laksa pasta... goood... but guess i wasn't feeling my normal appetite, not feeling good after the run... too long never run is like tt wan..., didn't realli eat alot.. tt's y soooooo hungry now!!!! gosh....wld go pack mi file a little and go sleep.. damn tired!!! but a nice dae.. miss my darling lots...

yesterday was a very busy day with all the last min things to do for my fom project. went back then realise i can't print cos i send the wrong copy to my email, ahaha. aniwae, m glad everything's done out and ready to be handed in tmr. m quite proud of miself yea? lalala... everyone is busy studying now. amelia is studying for her exams, and so is charmaine, yansing gotta rush out many projects and many many tests coming up such as the econs test this coming sat... stressed.... wad m i gonna do manz... hafta start reading up den can ask jed if i need help. sumtimes i wonder why are human hearts so strong and cold, yet sum can be so fragile and weak... aniwae, gotta go play pool with baby... she ar, taking DAMN long!!!

i m not feeling good. my right eye hurts and mi throat hurts. i have to stay back after school to brush up last minute staff for my fom project, dun feel like having any other members around except evelyn. dun feel like toking to anyone, class treasurer owes me ten bucks, people are getting on my nerves more and more and sum people are simply turning me off. wad's school all abt? where's enjoyment? where's life? wad's wrong with me? can't bring myself to smile , m having a very bad nervous breakdown, m a peniless and worthless girl. gosh, m realli gonna break down. i dun like waking up soo early to school todae, so i pon the first lesson. i feel soo drained out and tired... haven't had a proper rest, yet home is not the best place or most ideal place i wanna be cos of a monster at home, adding on to mi stress level, gosh, sumone save me? wad's wrong with me? econs test this sat.... haik, accounts sux.. haik, everything is soooo down, mi immune system is down too, feel that m gonna fall sick any min, any second, just take me away.... take me far away..... =( soobzz i guess da only good thing now is that i finally understand wad's going on in IT lesson, should i be happy?? but i m not.. =(

the dae i was dreading is finally over... m very happy that at least i got the whole FOM project done. =) lalala... got rather pissed off with them in da morning that i actualli lost my appetite.. it's been such a long time since i lost my appetite... wadever it is, i dun even feel like mentioning, i m just gald that i finally got it done. now just left the powerpoint presentation that needs a little more brushing up to do.. =) yay, tmr is finally darling's off dae... and she's gonna cut her hair early in da morning... tinking whether should i go with her, but hafta wake up rather early, considering i haven't slept well for these two daes.. will decide later, gotta go type my notes... this whole week is a busy busy week... gotta enjoy miself tmr manz! aniwae, happy 37th monthsary to xiuxiu!!! =) smilez and i love ya always!

can't even sleep in on my no sch day, very tiring for me wan leh and i get damn grumpy and grouchy if tt's the case. eve cam my hse early this morning to tink of dance steps for the kindergarden thingy and those two guys dunno cum for wad also.. haik, nothing much was accomplised.. tink the dance steps we came up with not very good.. gotta retink... kindergarden really sux big time todae.. or maybe it's just me.. lack of sleep and impatient... tink i ve been really scary todae to the kids.. shouting at them.. but they were realli nautti and noisy.... dun wanna have kids..... they are sooo ANNOYING!!!! anyway when i came home, ate cup noodles and fell asleep immediately... didn't wake up until angel called mi.. tt gurl ar... finally called... she supposed to call mi on tues one leh... she's soo late.. by 3 daes!! ahahhaa.. m not looking forward to tmr... soo sian!!

it's a cold cold dae. forgot to bring my jacket out in da morning and i end up freezing da whole dae.. =( auditoriums are cold.... it was raining cats and dogs... and it was sooo sooo cold... i feel fat... dun like this type of feeling.. make mi very inferior of miself. i experienced this type of feeling in the past... totally no confidence of miself... dun wish to go thru it once more... sumone pls tell mi i look ok?? need lotsa reassurance manz. =( supposedly to finish sch at 5 but my classmates are sooo good at bargaining with mi econs lecturer that he let us off earli at 4... shiok... tot i can rush down to baby's work place and hang ard for a while... however, situations do happen so i ended up wondering arond alone in Bugis and walked over to Raffles Link. called chin fang.. and that darling fren of mine... rushed to meet mi and keep mi company.. this fren ar.. i realli got nothing to sae.... =) it was realli realli nice for her to do so.... =) ahahaha, after that, waited for baby to finish work. cf left and we me and baby went to bugis and eat, our all time fav.. i ate soo much todae.. i feel fat!!! gosh.. sumone help mi!!!! aniwae... miss mi baby alot, tho i just ate dinner with her... she ar, so busy downloading songs.. playin pool with her online.. i miss her... =/

got back my report for CD, got a C, haik, can't really believe it. all of us put in da effort to do this reprt, especially evelyn so i noe she's rather disappointed. once again, i hafta stress, poly life ain't fun at all, in year one , already rather stressed up with so many projects for different modules. i dun really noe what's co-operation. haven't seen my grp members and i op-operating. even organising a class outing, we are not even united. we may appear to be... but actually, we are not. year 3's gonna be much tougher, with a year long project.. and what's more with people u might not even noe... i m sooo anti-social.. no CCAs, no proper life.. haik... aniwae, at baby's house once again.. this place ar, becoming more and more like my second home. ahahha, she's cooking a meal for mi.. =) lalala, such a sweetie.. =) better go eat liao, it's ready and she's nagging

yet another tiring day at school. told myself cannot fall asleep in accounts lesson but my head got heavier and heavier during the last 15 minutes of the lesson... got back my stats paper today, i failed. it's rather discouraging. though i dun think i would do well for this paper, but i didn't expect to fail and seeing it is even more discouraging. seeing everyone rushing their project got me a little worried. we have many projects that are gonna due soon, especially fom project... due next wed. wad i m gonna do? well at least i got started on my ec project already, m 2/3 done. quite proud of miself. didn't eat much todae, ate a plate of hor fun in lunch until now, tinking whether should i go cook noodles, but m rather lazy you see. school is not fun, nothing is what i expected. =( angel sae she would call mi todae, but she didn't... why ar? everyone's coming my house to do project on saturday, everyone's coming my house to do their own project, some not even related to me, my house ar, become like a project house liao. meeting dear tmr... haven't met her for two daes...

as usual, once the sch term starts and at this particular time, i wld be in sch, attending IT lesson. i really dun understand a shit about microsoft excel. who would have tot that microsoft excel would be so chim? still tinking alot about us these days. m pushing things behind so that i can focus on more important things now. take things as it comes.. why bother to worry soo much yea... just a sense of loneliness i feel in mi... maybe it's pms... =/ i dunno... and i dun wanna tink too much... haik.. someone drop mi a line.... miss those times when we have plenty of time to chat and chat.. from morning to afternoon.. after lunch to dinner.. dinner to supper... where do we get the time from manz.... we are sll soo busy in our own lives now.... i hope none of u guys would forget mi.. cos without u guys.. dere wun be the me now... =/

mi computer is finally fixed. can blog now again. lost all my data from the computer, haik, but nvm, at least i can use the net now and tt's what matters. new com, new start. tomorrow, new term, new start. it's time to pick up all the pieces that were left scattered or blocked by other factors to start anew again. i've learnt... or rather, i've had the taste of what it is like now so no more repeating of mistakes and no more looking back. i've to pick up where i've left off and start anew. i like to put a full stop to things and start another paragraph new. hopefully, i wun progress and learnt more new things. after all this while, i realised that actually, loneliness is getting more and more scary. i've yet to learn how to deal with it in a more mature way, but i will learn. i've got to. no one is gonna stop their pace of life to wait for mi to take da first steps out. everyone has their own lifes and tt's how things are. i've got to learn. kk, feel much better. todae, hit mi head twice. once at brandon's hse when i tot there was a pillow behind mi and i hit mi head against the wall. and da second time was when i was trying to get on the cab and i hit mi head HARD against the top of cab. painz... i already rather dumb liao and to make matters worse, i m hitting my head again and again. yesterday, i hit my head too, at baby's hse.. wad's wrong with mi? my computer seemed soo bare. must go do sumthing abt it.. but not tonite.. m tired.. tmr gotta wake up at 6.. yawnz!!! m getting fatter. many pple are commenting abt that....=( how.. this can't go on... i better start exercising.... can't fir in many clothes.. no money to buy new ones.... look like a big fat pig now.. feel like one too.

here i m at my darling baby's hse again. =) did mi fom project draft yesterday. feels good to finally get something done... ahaha. kk... happy bdae to yansing yesterday. we went out to celebrate with her. went cafe cartel. food is not too bad there. next time must ask baby go eat with mi den we can eat more. aniwae, met up with charmaine, winnie, angel and xinying!!! ahaha, finally saw xinying after such a longgg time.. boy, do i miss her. she haven't change at all yet, still forever teasing about by b******. ahaha, m sure u guys noe wad izzit. in the later part of the day, we went coffee bean to sit down and chat chat abit. got a little affected by what yansing said.. but guess, sum things are just different. not everything can be compared... after that, came baby's hse first and start abit on mi report, while waiting for her.. her mum and dad are nice to mi.. =) initially, darling and i wanted to go take a morning walk in da moring.. but guess asusual, we are not determined enough, ahaha. slept till 12, and we went bugis temple to pray.. hang ard in bugis for a while, den came back home to rest. time seems to fly when i m with her, and we get very lazy too.. whenever i m with her, i always feel like spending da rest of mi life like this too... i wonder how it wld be like 2 years later... suddenly feel like playing monopoly!! how??? ahahha, we are ordering pizza later.. yummy... kk, better stop bloggin liao, baby's watching tv alone in the other room... =)

m at baby's house now. doin a little for mi fom project. this fom project ar, is killin me. mi members ar, dun seem particularly enthu abt it. it seemed as if i m the only one worrying about it leh. aniwae, luckily i have mi baby, she's helping mi quite alot in the project. thnx darling. aniwae, went out with xiuwen todae and cf met up with us last miunte. supposedly to have only the two of us, romantic abit den cf, always being the third party popped out. ahaha, actually, i invited her along. gave xiuwen a treat to make up for her bdae. treated her to long johns and haagen daz, ahahha, hope she's fine with it. wanted to bring her go eat sumthing else one.. but m on low budget.. =( m rather broke now.. dunno y.. and look at da date... haik... kk.. better go do mi project or else tt big baby of mine will nag.. ahahha

hello everybody! the holidays are finally here. after 9 weeks of torture in school... m finally gonna take a break. actually, it wun be much of a break, cos i've got lotsa homework to catch up with, lotsa gathering... and lotsa project deadlines coming up. woah.. so here i m at baby's hse taking my break, enjoying my beautiful sundae... and after tomorrow.. it wld be events after events.. lotsa things coming up.. and before i knew it.. next sundae wld be here.. one week wld pass damn fast.. and i noe it. i miss all mi classmates suddenly... i miss my ah boon... i miss angel.. i miss xin ying.. and many many more... hmm.. as for cf.. see her quite often.. sooo.. ahahha.. i wun be mean.. soo chin fang, i miss u too!! and also not forgetting my 9 yrs fren, amelia, i miss u alot.. thnx for dropping a msg as and when... m realli happy u did that, i m fine... and hope u are too!!! aniwae.... m leading a very happy and blissed life. mi darling boy just dropped mi the biggest bomb.. it's a good one.. m realli happy... sense of belonging.. ahahahha, she's soo sweet... =) i've never been happier... ahahhaha.. =) can't stop smiling.. aniwae.. hope to see u guys soon.. i noe we wld.. =)

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.

What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by

You have a kind soul! What can be better than
cooking lemon-pastries? Only helping out sick
kids of course! Congratulations, you have a
kind soul. Known for your purity and goodness
you follow your heart and your brain. The path
you seem to talk on is golden, and your touch
can make others forget about their pain. Your
always the one who donates to charity, feeds
the squirrels in the park, and volunteers down
at the shelter. Youre determined to make the
world a better place, and be sweet and
thoughtful everywhere. You are probably
multi-talented, and others love being around
you. Be careful though. Dont let them take
advantage of you.

What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by

Power Rangers Movie!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by

ahaha, i can't believe it.. of all movies.. i belong in the power ranger, ahahaha. if m realli in it, i wanna be kimberly! =)

this whole week hasn't been good for me. arguments, misunderstandings or should i say lack of understanding and trust. lotsa words need to be put in, lotsa patience. i dunno what happened to mi or wad happened to her. there's realli a lack of trust. silence doesn't mean anything and i hate it. i just want to hear sum things, y wun u sae it... y must u continue hurting mi. =( i wan to noe where i stand, where we stand, is that alot to ask for. haik, i dunno lah... todae's a fresh new dae... i better start it anew... i dun like to quarrel with u.. u noe i wld lose. i can't throw tantrums, u are not persistent... everything's bad.. goin all haywire. no allowance.. school's not good.. nothing's going right for me... =( aniwae.. it's nu peng you's bdae tmr... m gonna get pressie for her... met her yesterdae.... we were rather pathetic.. sat on da steps to eat kfc.. ahaha, but it was fun.. realli miss those crappy daes.. tho stressed.. i noe i ve u guys... things changed.. people ard mi is not da same animore....

i m at school. again. where else can i be if i wan to blog. sian... having marketing tutorial now on sum research thingy... damn boring can. went friendster.. read alot of things and saw alot of people. it's amazing how in a matter of few years, how much can one change. came to a realisation that people do change alot, constantly and reapidly too. it's quite scary how one changes. i m afraid of changes, afraid that people wld leave mi. not much of a sense of security i have in mi. however, i need to come to da fact that changes are around, whether i like it anot, people and things still change, i must learn to adapt, and not run away. hearts will change. what's once used to be happiness can turn sour the next day, maybe u love mi once but u might change the next day. or maybe in a few hours time. i dunno.. and i dun like... many things happened these few days, made mi pause in my tracks to think. what i wan for mislef and wad i want in others, no conclusion made. i really hope u can be there for mi... hopefully forever? m i asking too much.... i dunno....

How to Keep a Woman Happy
It's not difficult.
Tokeep a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionateWITHOUTFORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girlsAND AT THESAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give he r lots of space, never worrying about where she goesIT IS VERYIMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes

here's a little short entry for amelia:

ignore all ur classmates if they ever cause u to be stressed. actually, in my opinion, no one can actually make u stress except urself so do things at ur own pace. i m shure u wld succeed in ur own ways. u dun hafta compare with others. compare with urself... check urself if u did better than the previous times or worse. only den, u wld improve. dun ever be disheartened.... we've only walked 17 years of life.. for u... haven't reach 17 years yet. ahaha! so all i wanna tell u is that have confidence in yourself.. i noe u better than any of ur classmates and i sae u can do it.. soo y dun u trust urself? k? hope u are feeling better... =) cos i care....

my net is down... very sae u noe. i can't check mail, can't surf net and worst of all, i can't blog. =( aniwae, just past my 17th bdae.. one of the happiest bdae i ever had. let mi trace back to fridae. was selling things in sch in the morning to raise funds for charity... mi frens bought a very special gift for mi.. =) hee hee... a set og lingerie frm Blush! ahaha, it was quite a shock... pink colour one summore.. very feminine... i like it.. and the best part is it fits.. to tink i dun realli noe dem tt well yet and dey noe mi size soo well, ahahaha. aniwae, after charity... went to a kindergarden at bv to teach the little kids. those kids are very very cute... but also rather hard to control leh. if i have to teach them for a week, i wld probably lose mi voice. after that, headed to town to lips to meet yansing. sooo poor thing, among all mi frens, only ys willing to spend mi bdae with mi.... or so i tot, when i was about to order food, charmaine and cf came in. gave mi quite a shock.... i was realli surprised... and that's not all... sandra joined us soon after!! =) dey very nice.. bought lips mud pie and da equator chocolate cake.. yumm!!! soooo sweet of them can.. =) i was all smiles.... soooo dey bought mi perfume and a necklace.. thnx alot girls... love ya to bits!!! den saturday, mi actual date of birth, ahahha,, had accounts ca in da moring.. ii was very very sucky..... i didn't get the ans.. and i didn't realli complete mi work... =( mi frens sang mi a bdae song to cheer mi up, try not to tink abt it animore... and met phoebe for a while for lunch... and den went to meet baby at great world. she was shopping for the ingredients for that night's dinner. aniwae.. just wanna sae that baby was really sweet. she cooked a very very sumptous seafood meal for mi. i noe she put in alot alot of effort in it... for dessert, she made chocolate milkshake for mi. and lastly, she got hilton chocolate cake for mi. =) baby very very sweet, she tried to create surprises for mi but as she was too eager, she can't wait to tell mi either... ahahhaha. baby bought perfume, wallet and cd for mi... and also a sunflower.... i dun usually sae this but baby, thnx soo much for everything u've done. i love u... =) and i look forward to spending mi next bdae with u.. and all other holidays... =) i hope i haven't annoy u soo much that u wanna get rid of mi... time realli pass soo fast.. we have been together for cuming 8 mths.. =) soo much nice memories u gave mi.... =) =) met mi darling fren amelia on sundae.. went pastamania to eat.. played around with hps and digital camera. went to take neoprint.. amelia soo silly.. got fascinated with the toilets so we decided to take pix of it.. if onli i can upload pix.. can show all the pix! thnx to everyone for remembering my bdae... and those hu made mi bdae this year soo happy... u guys are really really appreciated.. =) aniwae.. li jia wei lost.... many people are sad.... m not affected.. life goes on.. ahahhaa... having it lesson again... boring

long time since i last blogged. let mi clarify, this time is not cos i m lazy but cos mi computer can't work. sumthing is wrong with my internet explorer. haik, now is fine and let's hope it will remain this way. hmmm, where do i start blogging... let mi start back all the way from tues.
tuesday:
it's baby's bdae. i kinda dressed up a little, wore a skirt, put on bit bit of makeup. and i stressed on bit bit! mi frens all started teasin mi cos it's da first time i wore a skirt ever since i stepped nto poly, they knew i was goin to meet sumone impt.. hee hee... i didn't admit but didn't deny either. aniwae, cf was working there part time so i got her to get mi darling a cake as a surprise. btw, cf is soo lucki, this whole week is already her holiday and the following two weeks wld be her attachment.. lucki girl. aniwae, baby was surprised... i cld finally give her a successful surprise.. this baby of mine ar, damn smart one. aniwae, baby finished work early so came to sch and picked mi up. she ar, bought mi a pair of slippers but she ended up wearing it instead. i really dun mind cos her new addidas slippers are hurting her feet so i let her wear. we went east coast, wanted to eat steamboat one.. walked a very very long distance. even managed to catch the sunset.. =) but ended up, that shop was closed... quite disappointing but never mind lah, we found another place to eat grilled seafood.. very nice ambience.. with the sea breezw.. =) very romantic.. da food there is very very good... we just sat dere, tok a little... enjoying every moment of it when suddenly, this drunkard came to us. he started talking.. can tell that he is rather depressed, can see tears in his eyes. he kept grabbing baby's hands... we cldn't make out wad he said... all he said that we are soo young and that i m so beautiful.. m not the least bit happy abt his compliment. aniwae, when we cld finally get rid of him, we left asap. baby sae luckily he wasn't sitting beside mi.. or else he wld be touching mi hands and grabbing mi... we went Mcafe and have a drink.. sat ard a little longer and headed home.. took cab frm mi hse den back to baby's. it's a long time since we did that. can't do that very often yea... very ex. it was a nice dae!
ahaha, after typing sooo much, lazy to type wad happened for the rest of the daes liao so let mi do a brief summary. was feeling rather stressed on wed den went out with jack to play and eat. tho i felt bit bit better after that, but the stress i feel is not totally gone... there are many things i have not done.. deadline coming nearer and nearer.... haik... hu can i blame.. i even played mahjong on fridae when i have an econs test on sat. baby was quite angry with mi.. sorry dear... guessed m still a little playful, and tt's why bring all this stress upon miself. so yesterdae's econs was still quite okie.. maybe can't get mi A lor... but hopefully can pass lah. baby very sweet. first, she watched vcd and deliberately stayed up so that she can wake mi up in da morning for mi test and den she actualli came to sch and picked mi up after mi test... sweet thing but it got her very tired da whole dae during her hse warming and thus da grouchiness... dunno y but yesterdae, felt like baby and i lost sumthing between us... sum feelings... i hope i m being too sensitive... this person here is someone i wanna love with all mi heart, dun wanna lose her... k, getting a little mushy... but aniwae, watching fireworks with her later.. =)

beautiful sundae i had. met up with nu peng you, angel and cf at toa payoh... our usual hangout. it was hugs, laughter and chatters... i really really miss the old days. i actually brought our my work to do but i didn't do at all... we just tok and tok.. exchanging comics.... i actualli hope we can sit there for hours and hours just chi chatting. aniwae.. we went j8 after that to take neo print. j8 changed alot.. it's been years since i went dere leh... much more things to look at... i tink i wld go dere more often now if i can. aniwae, saw angel's boiboi.... ahahha. he looks a little diff frm the pictures angel showed us. he's more photogenic... just like mi.... i dun look good in real person too... but we tink angel and him in terms of size and height, very compatible. he ar.. very bad. the moment he cum, he took our beloved angel away frm us.. still tot he wanted to walk ard with us... bleah! sooo not long after angel left, me and cf parted with xw. cf went with mi to meet my classmates to watch the fireworks together. haiyo.. lucki cf came or else i might feel quite out. one the the guys brought his gf and another guy like this girl frm mi klass and obviously, he's more interested in toking to her onli den toking to mi... luckily, i've got cf... fireworks starts at 8:30.... we were dere even before 7... waited and waited as it gets more and more crowded at the bridge where mi classmates chose to watch the fireworks.. finally, we got to see the fireworks... it was... BEAUTIFUL! i dunno wad else to sae but it was realli realli nice.. i love it... it was nice watching with mi frens but hopefully, i can get to watch with my darling baby next week. woah.. that less than ten minutes was good... worth the long wait... after fireworks.. went ot eat dinner with baby and den she sent mi home... lalala... happy national day!! and tmr's baby's bdae!! ahahaha

since when did i have the feeling that coming home is such a dread, like entering another dimension totally different from the one i had outside. since when m i making the distance between mi and mum grow bigger and bigger? i've got no idea manz. todae is another totally tiring dae. dal is right. i slept frm morning until late afternoon, from marketing to econs. mi old bad habit is coming back AGAIN! not very good. same old things goin on and on in my head.. homework.. projects.. everything is pressing mi down, making it difficult for mi to breathe. i've got to get started sumwhere yea. read the papers.. do mi work, read through, i wan to do well, or rather, i got to do well, to escape the claws and clutches. it's a need, not a want. da only good thing todae wad went out with baby, seeing her makes all my troubles and worries fly away.. we went to watch movie den did a little shopping... saw a levi's skirt.. love it! ahahha, had a good dinner.... everything is good... i gotta work hard.. nothing in this world cums free.

today is such a tiring day or rather, these days have been very tiring for me. i also dunno y m i so tired.. feel very lethargic, dun feel like doing anything, dun feel like tinking abt anything while homework and project is piling up.. higher and higher. todae's supposedly my short day, but got sum ndp observation in my sch. mi class is one of the specially selected one to go observe it. got give goody bag summore but i got cheated. other pple's goody bag got manicure set and organizer but my one dun haf! mine only got mineral water.. sum canned lemon drink, a flag and a song sheet.. ahh.. never mind lah... aniwae... HAPPY BDAE, EVELYN!! dis lucki girl ar, got sumone buy her mp3 player wor... ahaha... she ar, getting to like her more each day... she's a very typical leo and sumtimes, i feel that i can read her mind.. we can be soo alike yet so diff. aniwae.. tmr's hui juan's bdae.. mi classmates are sooo horrible... make mi go buy her present miself leh.. but aniwqae,, i got it done.. soo tired.. need to go rest.. goin at dinner with my darling baby later.. tata