I've tried and I've given up. I told myself to move on and forget. I told myself not to look back. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to force myself to forget anymore because the fact is i can't. why bother to force myself when at the end of the day, I still see tears rolling down from my eyes. I am tired of pretending i am ok. I don't want to let those people who care about me down. I really truly want to tell you all I am okie and mean it but i can't. I can't stop the occasional tears that threatened to roll down. I suddenly want to question, what have I done to deserve this. Have I not been nice enough.. or have i not done enough charity. all I want is to be happy.. am i asking too much? why is happiness being taken away from me just like that. I dreamt and painted a beautiful picture of us in the future... why is it so easily destroyed. why am i not the chosen one. is it too much just to ask for happiness. I won't even be greedy. I just want a little bit... a little bit. i promise to be a really good girl? dun ask me whether m i ok anymore.. am tired of hearing that.. cos i really dunno what to say.... this is so difficult...especially when i m ill. why must i fall sick when no one's by my side to take care of me... i m not strong... though i really want to be... i really am not strong. you made me strong and proud to be living but you took that away from me. you made mi live with you beside me and now you choose to walk away. in what way m i not good... all my hopes and dreams are crushed. i want to do well and pursue a good career in the future with you beside me. encouraging me, supporting me. i've got pretty much nothing to lose now. why must this happen to me. came across this word, recluse. am pretty much like one now. this hurts. every single day i breathe, my wound just expand summore... hurts like hell.