i like the bustling and hustling in my house right now. though we have only 3 people, i still like whatever minimum atmosphere of preparing for new year at my house. at least with some commotion going on, i won't feel so spaced out. seeing my mum rushing everywhere to get ready for new year, packing everything at home and dad being very naughty, teasing my mum and cracking jokes here and there, i feel slightly better than when i am outside facing other people. nothing's the problem. i just feel very lethargic, can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything. it's not due to fatigue, that i am very sure. then what is it. i really have no idea. the emptiness that i once felt is coming back to me. friends are all busy, leaving me to ponder what have i been doing instead of spending time to complete tasks at hand. sometimes in the day, i find it so hard to focus. gasping for breath. i am trying really hard, i hope things would only be temporary but i suddenly want to live a life isolated, no one can see me and vice versa. like i've learnt before, no one can help me but myself and I am not who i used to be so i'll definitely pull through and get some things accomplished. stop looking down on me if you have been because i am going to prove you so wrong that you would regret even thinking like that about me. i am not a weakling so stay out of my life if you just want to despise me!

You are a flute. You are social and like to take
your chances. You like to spread your wings and
expirience new things. You are high in spirit.
You also like to talk to many people about your
views.

(BEAUTIFUL anime pics) What is your soft toned intrument?
brought to you by

as i see my determination being slowly scraped away, i see what's revealing behind all this determination and i don't like the sight of it. time to re-compose and get my determination to cover me up strongly once again. i'm not letting any emotions resurface... nope, i am not going to make that kind of mistake again. life's not great. i feel fat... feelings of guilt and of bursting out have made me indulged in food greatly and this would not do. time to put a stop to this mess.. get a broom and sweep it all out. only after that, i would be fine.

shopping with my mum is worse than 2.4. I am so drop dead tired. we did mega shopping and i mean really tired. my eyes are so dry, my feet hurts like hell and my back is about to break any second. gosh~ i can't do this very often with my mum. it will kill me or shorten my life span. my dad is so cute today. he got fascinated by the lucky draw held at the mall, like some auntie character. but no wonder he got the time to get fascinated. my mum and i stayed inside this shop, looking for clothes to close to an hour and all the time, he just stood outside, at the same spot, waiting for us. there was performance at the mall. my mum and i stayed in there when the performance start until it ended and my poor dad just waited.. no complains u noe.. =) muaks, daddy! i love ya. saw this sk ring that i like... hmmm, asked mum to get it for me but she didn't agree.. neither did she disagree... hopefully, i can get it.. bought all my new year clothes and accessories today.. done... last thing i need is a bag and i m 100% done! yay~ my mum ar, going for younger and ypunger fashion.. to think she got the same pair of jeans as me, only diff size.... one bad thing about shopping with her... ahahha~ gonna go some serious packing of my room. but not tonight.. am seriously half dead. hee...
things happened. i hear stories from different people. different people, different side and opinion. i don't want to take sides with anyone. why should i choose who to believe, no one is more trustworthy than myself. i am damn sick and tired of all of these nonsense. i shouldn't side track. things i hear would only remain with me, what's the point. people might not believe me anyway...

am having alot of cravings at the moment:
salmon
steamboat
mahjong
food at newton
la mian from crystal jade
coffee club's potato wedges and my all-time fav. salsa sauce
i want i want....

we learn new things everyday. some of which we are aware of while we just take in other things unknowingly. one can learn just simply watching a tv programme. cooked lunch for myself today. it feels good to be independent this way. i don't need anyone to look after me. i can look after myself. instead of waiting for people all the time, depending on them, i rather take care of myself, i m not that dependent on others anymore and i'm glad for the change. I am through waiting. spent a simple day just slacking away and it feels good. slept in late due to last night's mahjong session. watched tv the whole day and just think of nothing but enjoy the peace i have. I am no longer afraid of staying at home alone... on the other hand, I am enjoying every moment of it summore. need to start getting ready because I am going out. to my friends out there that I haven't seen for ages.. i miss u guys alot!! u guys are always on my mind and hope everything's going out fine for u all... in any times that u need me, i would always be here... =) take care~

eating home-cooked food, drinking soup that i've been missing for ages. watching grandma shouting at my little cousins, drinking in the whole scene... my whole mind is only filled with one thought. even if i can't be in heaven, I am sure this is close enough. the warmth i felt and all the familiar things and people around me. =) only when i am there, then nothing else matters at all. no homework, no worries. nothing... just pure joy and contentment. realised grandma getting older... but still love her alot. =) escaped from class halfway through today and headed down to grandma's place. had my hair cut too. it's been such a long time since i ate home-cooked food. always only get to smell it from my neighbour's house but finally get to eat it and my darling ashley is getting cuter and cuter as the days go by. she knows how to call me!! sooo cute! stayed there till evening and then headed home.. till now, still haven't bathe and haven't do my econs yet... =( mum's back... gotta go bathe now and start a little mugging...

sipping away at tcc~ 

Ok, I am crazy. I came back at 6:30 in the morning and by right, I should still be fast asleep on my bed, so what am i doing online blogging and uploading pictures. Thanks to my beautiful and hardworking mother who came banging into my room and started measuring the size of my room, my cupboard and everything else she could lay her eyes on. and let me tell you, she's not the least bit quiet about doing it. so instead of trying so hard to get back to sleep, i decided to wake up. it's going to be another long shopping day for me and let me officially declare this. i am broke! =( sobz... come to think of it, it's quite hard not to be broke after so much things i bought this month and so much fine dining. but I am happy! and that's what matters right... actually, I might not stay happy for long when I am broke. wells, any kind soul out there wants to feed me and clothe me? ahaha,went to watch movie with cousin last night.. as usual, our late night movies... watched shall we dance.. was good! i love it! inspires me and i simply love it... lalala~ i postponed my cut hair session! yay~ everything is going well so far for the day excpet two facts. I am going to be dead tired in the middle of the day given that I've only slept for 4 hours and secondly, my mob test is tmr! ahahha~ we'll see how things go... go with the flow~

me and my cousin. one act cute, one act innocent. i love my cousin! and i love our late nights out!! -smiles-

I've done nothing these days but cause problems for myself to worry and ponder about but I am through with it. I thank God for giving me a second chance at the correct time. I just can't be a mean bitch though as much as i want to. Can't bear to hurt people's feelings. haven't exactly been carefree due to all these self-inflicted problems but seriously, i only live my time once, so no more unnecessary thinking. I mean why should i even think about it when obviously other people are out there enjoying... or rather unaffected. today's a whole new day to prove my worth and to drive the lazy genes out of my system. gotta do some serious mugging because tmr i am a busy girl. okies, all is settled. all i have to do is go with the flow... =) yupz... go with the flow. gotta go eat breakfast with my mummy... tata~

if being nice means having guilt in my life, then i rather choose to be bad and enjoy my life. i only have to account for myself, no one but myself. maybe the timing is wrong because i am learning to be independent and i m doing a great job, depending on no one but myself.

I FINALLY PIERCED MY EAR... the one that i have been wanting to pierce.. ouch... hurts alot! it all begin on this beautiful afternoon when amelia msged me, she told me she wanted to go pierce her ear and she wanted me to accompnay her.. initially, i already made plan with my mum already... and i m quite excited abt it.. yet at the same time, i dun wan to turn amelia down.. i want to witness an important event of the year.. ahaha... her first pierced holes and also i too long never see her liao and i miss her like crazy so unfillial me called my mother to turn her down.. i actually felt quite bad... so after school today, i headed to town to meet amelia... was damn hungry so i ate at long johns to give her enough time to muster her courage to pierce her ears... and because i've been wanting to pierce like damn long ago, i decided to do with her.. to give her courage and also completing my wish. =) so ya.. i witness her piercing her ears! wow... it's really a big event... anyway, the girl doing my ear ar, she like not very experienced leh... can tell she's quite nervous.... =( and ar my ears still hurts a little now.... and amelia is actually consoling me and telling me it's ok?? ahahha, shouldn't it be my job since i have like 3 ear holes liao?? ahahaha, anyway, it was great meeting up with her... hope to see her soon before new year and also hope nothing happens to my ear.. =)

came home only this afternoon. went shopping with cousins yesterday, ended up i bought the most things. what can i say... i have a mental list of what to buy already what. bought a new jacket... lalala~ new bag too... am going shopping with mummy tmr again, to buy some neccesities. i am a happy girl~ didn't drink my "medcine" today... those who know me well enough would know what i am talking about.. it's sumthing i hafat drink everyday... i totally forgot abt it.. wonder if it would affect anything or not... ahahaha~ spent alot yesterday, draw and draw.. use and use nets... sign card also at tcc~ oh... if cousin you are reading this, i know you simply fell in love with the lava cake and you were damn fascinated with the oozing of "lava", ahaha... got chance, we'll go there eat again, k? watched london vodoo with my cousin yesterday.. half the time, i was pressing my ear until at the end of the show, it hurts.. it's a ok show only lah... not that fantastic.. reached home around 4... slept at 5. supposed to wake up this morning at 9 to go visit auntie aileen one.. but those two piggy cousins of mine simply can't get their body off the bed.. soo lazy.. so i fell asleep again.. and didn't wake up until 11. =) jie very nice... made tempura for me.. not too bad... prawns what.. what u expect.. anyway, am looking forward to the sakae treat.. so cousin.. don't play me out! i m waiting..

goood morning! just woke up from my beautiful sleep.. wouldn't have woke up so early if jie didn't call me. told me that auntie aileen and uncle edward got into a accident.. no major injuries, just some stitches and x-ray being scanned and the biggest relief is the kids are fine.. =) but the car is in a wreck, or so I heard, in a very bad shape... but what matters most is everyone's fine. played cards with mum last night and i lost.. she ar, forever luck so good when she plays with me one leh... luckily, didn't lose much... lost the money to a day's meal though. boring friday night.. stayed at home, so bored till i decided to play cards with mum... luckily, am going out later, or else i would go crazy.. can't coop me up at home for too long, although there are many things to be done at home but i just can't stat at home for long... gets soo bored...going town later.. to do more shopping.. ahahha then going clementi's pasar malam~~ yippee!!! like finally!!! =) i promise that i would stay at home tomorrow to get some things done at least... it's a promise to myself... am hungry again... i m such a pig! gonna cut my hair on monday.... abit can't bear to but it's for the new year.. sooo ya. might streak my hair next week though.. still considereing...

ahaha, just did a quiz which i took from eve's blog. say i like the sweet, shy type... hmmm.. quite true... but cannot be too shy also.. cannot get things done... lalala~ phew... finally have a chance to breathe. have been quite busy these days, endless of things to do at home. plus project work and homework... have been spending quite alot these days, decided not to go out after school so often, come straight home, so can save a little money.. i mean it's like only 6 days from the beginning of the month? went clementi to meet chin today, supposed to have dinner together and there's pasar malam at clementi!! i like!! the food there look sooo soo yummy!!! who wants to go there with me!!?? anyway, by the time chin arrived, she sae she got to go back to city hall to collect something... so i have to take train with her.. didn't get to enjoy walking round the pasar malam!!! =( i wan to go.. i want to go!! stupid chin... waste my time... am gonna make her pay for it lor... ahahha.. i am wicked... have been eating alot these days... feel soo fat. wonder what's wrong with me, eating non stop, spending so much money on food. hmmm.. must cut down if i wan to have money for new year clothes and if i want to look good. anyway, somethings aren't going very well.. but nonetheless, i already made my conclusion about things so i won't let it affect me. whatever happens, i would just deal with it.. won't die.

maybe somethings are just not right, the feeling is totally wrong.

You like the sweet, shy type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by

i failed badly. my savings plan crashed and died! in less than 3 days, I've already spent 20 bucks! gosh... i only wanted to spend 8 bucks in slightly less than a week and look what happened. food is the cause of all these.... can't seem to reject the temptation of food... ahaha... well, think i better re-look my savings plan all over again. am at home now, hungry again. these few days can't really go out because firstly, i don't have the capital to be out hanging around and secondly, there's so much to be done at home. Projects piling up, homework... even if i don't attend lecture, i still gotta do my homework... Stayed in school till 5 today when I can actually go home at 2. Gems ended early today and I decided to accompany yan to the library to get my powerpoint started. It's been a long time since i last saw yan.. she's been very busy, no time to go out with me too.. =( anyway, sat at the computer for barely 2 hours and already my back is aching.. gosh.. am getting old. not only does my back ache when i sit too long in front of the computer... my knees ache when the weather's too cold.. sounds like grandmama... ahahhaa.. came home, rested and dozed off for a while then woke up, bathed and continued my powerpoint... don't feel like doing it at home so i am going to school to get it brushed up tmr during stats lecture... hopefully by then, everything would be ok. gotta go do my econs... and tmr's another long day with project meeting after school... *yawns* am tired... but *smiles*, life is great.

we are living in a extremely confusing world. who are you supposed to trust? anyway, I am way past the trust issue, it doesn't bother me anymore. I should not doubt myself and simply trust. I mean who else to trust but yourself. so what happens when your good friend trusts someone you have your doubts about? hmmm... best not to open your mouth and to watch the situation as it unfolds... i might be wrong but then again, i totally trust myself. and relationship between people... what ties people together, what makes them turn their back on them the next day? It can be quite scary if you think about it isn't it.... anyway, i guess i've found the few people that i can depend on. don't think i want to open up to anyone other than them, i mean it's the new me here... the one who has break through everything and come to this point. =) quite stressed up today. many things undone, don't know how to do... don't know how to get on... don't know where i spend all the time.. dunno why i so lazy.. sometimes on this type of day, just want someone on the other line that i can grumble and complain to... but i guess the new me is alone.. not in a bad way.. but independent.. am sure i can get it settled so no worries... so i figure the most simple way to get things done is to do and do.... tired just sleep... awake, just do everything that has to be done, why stop and think.. time won't wait.. and no one would too. the whole world is still moving on.. and i don't see why i should be different...

if you want to do something, do not be afraid, just go ahead. you might be surprised.

chin and me at orchard mrt.... =) she insists she wants to be the main person in the picture and i am only the supporting role. this explains her big face. ahaha

i see sweetness out there. is it for me? i'm known for my bad judgement anyway so I'll leave it as it is. If it's intended for me, there would be more to come isn't it? meanwhile, I'll leave as that. first day of school in the new year, though it's the 4th week in school already. wore new clothes and carried a new bag. lalala~ bought my new bag yesterday, not very impressive lah, just a change. bought a top from topshop yesterday... *smiles* and already I am aiming for another top from topshop but no! today is only the third and I am feeling rather broke already. took midnight cab home last night... it's been a long time since i take a cab that cost almost 20 bucks! I am going to limit myself to 8 bucks for the rest of this week and I can only spend this much. If everything goes smoothly for my big savings plan, then i can reward myself with that top! ahaha, first day in the new year and already I ponned one lesson.. naughty me but who cares. was really tired and since i didn't prepare tutorial like i promised myslef that I would, I might as well not go. had spss ca today... oh well, hope I won't fail it. went to visit grandma after i self-dismissed myself from school. what a fillial granddaughter I am. ahaha, and i was rewarded because grandma gave me $$... lalala~ okie. time to go bathe and get some work done... =) *hugs*

brrrr... it's sooo cold, yes, even in my house. it's been raining and raining, makes me want to get a nice sweater even more. Anyway, happy new year to one and all! I know this is a little late but haven't got a chance to blog ever since the last entry. I feel great. I feel like a changed person, only this time, I am changing for the better. Found out that you don't need a special someone to feel bliss because right now, given my current status, I feel blissed! It's all in the mind, really. maybe it's some external factor that helped me feel this way. somehow or another, it definitely has to have some connection. It's 2005. Time to work hard, time to self-motivate, time to bring out the power in me to work and strive hard for everything. heard something last night and it kinda affected me but not much though. I just gotta prove my worth. action do speak louder than words, so just wait and see. ahaha, am simply feeling good that's why. how's everyone getting along? drop me a line or a message to let me know, k... miss all of you alot and i want to meet up, to catch up! yay!! the rain has stopped. time for me to go get ready and head to town for my shopping session! *smiles*