this is my last post before the year ends, everything has ended on a pretty good note for me. give and take. give and u will receive. i'm determined not to let anything get me down t spoil the end of my 2008.

may 2009 brings me happiness, bliss and joy! may all my resolutions be completed too!

though i am home counting down due to the boy having duty tmr, i'm contented. really.

Happy new year!!!

Carlsberg, it doesn't get any better.

i'm totally into twilight after i watched the movie. i m hooked. so getting dvds, waiting for the next sequel to it, plus reading the books. i m hooked. even more so when i realised how the author came about writing the book, it's inspiring. yea, have i mention.. i am hooked.

one of my interest, or hobby is to collect different types of monopoly. the first monopoly i had, the very original with Mayfair as the most expensive property and Old Kent Road as the cheapest property, is given to me as a gift by my mum many many x'mas over. that was when my mum still bother to give me x'mas gifts and without thinking, i asked for monopoly. but with this first monopoly, it's always my mum and i playing it and sometimes, i have to beg her to play with me, cos she would be very tired after work and i recalled, most of the time she won. once, in record time less than 15 mins. when i was young, i would be sulky that she won and when i must declare bankrupt, i just keep saying i owe her i owe her just so that the night continues and tt we can play longer and maybe cause i kept thinking i will win it back.

so yea, my first monopoly. then somewhere maybe 1 or 2 xmases later, i saw they have monopoly in the singapore edition. naturally, i asked for tt as my next xmas gift. i love that too.. feels happy tt my collection is increasing and all. i would choose different versions alternately to play with my mum. i remember in order to make it difficult for two players, cos those who play would know it's pretty easy for 2 players to win, lesser competition you see, i came up with all sort of rules. now, come to think of it, i cannot remember if i m the one who came up with it or i was taught those rules.

you see, i used to go to my cousin's place every sunday and cos this playmate was so precious to me, we try to play all sorts of games, from dig dug, pacman to singing competition where the results were always the same, hopscotch in the kitchen, but so monopoly is a game we can play once in a while, so i remember when i play monopoly then, there were rules such as first round no buying of property, nothing, u can only walk around the board the first time. or when u throw double and reach a space, u cannot do anything but throw again and things like, money as fines or taxes all go the free parking and the one who reach there takes it all, can build houses even when u dun have complete set and even when u have complete set, build one shot at one of the property.

now, as a monopoly fan grown old. let me correct it. no such thing as first round, can just buy. and when throw double, move to the space, can do wadever the space allows u to do then throw again and ar, houses must be built equally, if start with one, all the properties of tt colour must have one. in other words, build evenly.

so naturally, when my cousin's house has play station with monopoly disc, i was fascinated, love it. but i think she got bored of it.. and we ve to play other games instead. but my love never die there. when i first realise monopoly went beyong monopoly, and there are concept games such as choco-poly or animal-poly. though not the original Parker Brothers, it caught my attention and on my 20th Birthday, i got chocopoly AND photo-poly, which sorry girls, haven't got to do it yet.

just an intro, photopoly needs u to fill in the pictures, like a DIY thingy.

so now, with my latest edition, the BibleOpoly. i'm really a fan ain't i? i can memerise all the rent, price, rent with one house, 2, 3, 4 even with a hotel. i know exactly where the token moves just by thorwing dice. i played that often you see. but monopoly always reminds me how lonely i was as a child. i remember when i was bored on a Saturday afternoon, when my mum is at work, i would play by myself... acting as 2 players, moving and deciding for both. if not, i would call my cousin, and ask her to choose token.. throw dice for her.. ask her decide and all.... this is the "perk" of being only child. when people tell me only child is good, i just think to myself, if only u went through it urself.

now as i grow older and monopoly became a collecting thing, feels slightly better. some people might not understand why i like it so much, but it means something to me. being part of my childhood and all. monopoly now also come up with more and more different variations.. one day, i might be a collector of all, even limited edition, if i have the money. but yea... it's a part of my childhood.

a simple home cooked meal but it's a delicacy and time well spent already. emperor chicken, stir fry brocoli and a mug of root beer. =) i'm that easily contented at times.

had a lovely xmas gift today. BibleOpoly... very nice.. very funnily fun! had a good time.



only, i lost to the boy.... his little church at Jerusalem. his winning point!

i have been regularly blogging in the blog for amelia that i neglected my own blog. she went India and i promised her i will update her daily about my life. don't envy her, we have a long history since way back in primary school. i remember during those times if i go holiday, we will each keep a exericse book and write down out tots daily, things we wanna tell each other, in case we forget, den when i come back, we will exchange the exercise book. wonder where are all those exercise book. will love to find them back to read mans.

so ya, sorry people, i know there are people who keeps coming to check if there's a new entry so hey there.. this is a new entry. remember dun give up on my blog. it will never close down or be abandoned. i'm simply a person who has too much tots and i have to "pen" them down. have been busy busking in the festive season. shopping, gift wrapping. i currently already got like 7 presents to be wrapped. but mainly is wrap for other pple. not my own gifts. long story why i have to help chin do her wrapping. oops, did i mention chin? well...

anyway, life's really great at this moment. everything seemed so nice and happy, esp with xmas coming. i hope i can keep the happy feeling there.. the last few months have been quite a nightmare, i personally feel. and i have no wish for history to repeat itself. it's time i learn how to keep the happiness and let go of the unhappiness.

everyone has been very nice to me lately too... issit the festive season getting into everyone or issit they are like tt all the while, and only now i learn how to appreciate and see? well... since i m in such good moood. can ask me out. i'm good company when i'm like tt. =)

when you get really really angry with your loved ones, there's always a remedy that you can use to make your boiling point go all the way down.

just ask yourself, can u bear the tot of that person not in your life anymore. if not, bear with this cos ur love for that person is way too much to stay angry and let bitterness eat into you.

i've put up a xmas wishlist over on the left... any kind soul with a good heart and in a mood of sharing, consider any of the following?

pretty please look at it?

and i'm totally in love with leehwa's Joy&Luv bracelet from Destinee. i m crazy about it...

I used to detest xmas. the heartache, the lies, the pretense, the nights spent crying and the festive lights mocking at me. but ever since i got the bear from u that xmas n years ago, i begin to feel festive lights can be quite pretty at times too.

now, i look forward to xmas. i like the warm feeling, the feasting mood, the sharing season, the buying of gifts and seeing happy faces all around. have i changed? no.... i'm still the less than optimistic me but i have you. making u happy is all that matters, especially on such a festive season.

i love to believe there's santa, carrying boxes of gifts. i like having presents under the tree, it makes the tree pretty. of course we can't place cash or vouchers under the tree. sorry, i m idealistic. but since i used to detest xmas.. now can't i paint a beautiful picture of it and dream about my lovely christmas?

dear friends and family, join me in the festive mood. dun attempt to ruin it for me.... when i get mad... i get mad.

What i want for Christmas:

1. Chinese soup recipe book
2. Measuring spoons for cooking purpose
3. Wine glasses (Red wine)

When we are born, our parents had just gave us the first great gift, and that us our life. They had a choice, whether to want us or not. Our mums had a choice too, whether she wanted to hold us in her womb for 9 months and go through labour pains to bring us to earth. To me, that is the first great gift that our parents gave us.

The second great gift our parents give us is our name. When they decided to give us life, they also decided they want to love us and give us all the best things in the world. And that's why they gave us the best name that they can think of, nothing but the best. It may not be perfect, but when they put that name down on our birth certificate, they really think it's the best. The second great gift they gave us.

Throughout our life since birth, our parents keep giving us what they think it's the best, be it gifts, their teachings, their love, care and concern. If i were to count every single gift they gave us, i would have lost count a long time ago. So when they try to perfect our lives since young, can we blame them if they start worrying or getting over protective when they notice that we are not walking that perfect road they plan for us? Their love for us is so strong that it overcomes everything else. Like forgetting they are getting nagggy, or forgetting the real objective of their love. They might try to force us on some issues because they know they have the authority to.

But everything they do, is because they love us so much. They were the ones who gave us the first two greatest things in our lives, of course they want to keep things perfect.

One more great gift that our parents could give us are siblings. Which i never geto to enjoy this gift myself. I feel it's a regret in my life. though it's a regret that i got no control over. but it's definitely a regret i myself have no wish to repeat. so i would definitely have more than one kid in the future.

i keep having lotsa thoughts running in my head, waiting for a chance to write them down and share with people. this parents thing is just one of it.

there are two things i wanan do before 2008 ends:

1. Go the the beach
2. Go Singapore coin museum

i learnt something important today. how to keep my cool and reason with myself. either that, or i try reasoning myself verbally if i really have to scream and shout it off. because somethings, really make u so mad that 4 letter words just keep coming out!!!! grr, here i go again.

some movies never fail to make me cry. touched my heart. i shall not mention wad movies cos if i do... people might just huh? u will cry over such movie. hello.. i m someone who can cry over commercials, i'm that emotional.

looking forward to next weekend already. why are weekends always so short??!!!! apparently, i feel i m the only one who thinks so.

feeling v distorted now, my thoughts. shall straighten up tmr after a good sleep.

these items are on my top 3 list of favourite snacks at the moment:

1. Lao Po bing (original)
2. Teddy chocolate biscuits
3. Apple

hmmmm hmmmm, i have a whole list of things to do and i'm sure this list is long. well, i've got the important, requires time and most importantly, the no brainers things done. and i'm proud of myself. just that, when am i going to do some work that required my brain which i am sure is rusty by now.

there are hw to be done, studies left untouched and i really wan to pick it up sooon. but.... i need more than talk. i need some action. which i clearly am lacking right now. the's the month of nov... cos it's the month before dec. and dec is seen to me as holiday mood.

ok. i know that's an excuse... but darn it. can somewhere put some zest into me!!!!

after all this time, you're the only one who can make me feel pretty. yet u are also capable of taking all my breath away at one go.

handphones are such a troublesome thing. at times, u rather just chuck it away but mostly, you can't live with it. what i hate about it is when i text someone, the agony of waiting for the reply is so excruciating that i simply either turn it off or just turn off sound and vibration. this is a trouble i notice that i have ever since 4 years ago.

and since waiting time seemed to drag.. i seriously just wanna chuck it away. so i noe no one could contact me even if they try. rather than knowing clearly no one try to contact me @ all. i just can't stand the pain of the latter.

time to put down my pride and be a happy girl.

sometimes, if we were a little more patient, maybe we could have got what we wanted?

this is what i always tell myself when i found out i could have gotten something better than what i went after when i thought i could no longer have the former. and then, i would regret and started thinking, if only i had waited.

a nice sunday spent thus far. church in the morning, brunch at the hawker centre, 3 muffins, den home. marinated the chicken i wanna cook tonight. for myself. but no, i don't feel lonely, maybe this is how someone feel when they can truly understand contentment. but no, i won't lie by saying i'm at that stage already but right now, i am contented.

i know people out there are concerned about me in one way or another and i felt the love and concern during the course of the week that passed. thanks everyone, i'm putting the pieces back tgt slowly, making sense as it goes. but i think it's going to be fine.

right now, i just need to pack my room!!!!

it's been more than a week i think. i lost track of the time. i don't want to think nor do i want to worry about what lies ahead. it has nothing to do with making myself happy at this point in time of my life. here i am, struggling, to find my happiness, i don't want to be pulled down, away our out anymore. i wan to work towards it.

bottom line, i don't care anymore.

Giving up something after a long while of thinking you already have it or own it is not an easy task. not easy is not even indepth enough to descrbe how tough it is but nonetheless, i chose to do it. as we all know, people who assume always makes an ass out of themselves and how many times in my life have i done that. i thought i was over that phase, but no, i'm still me. i've not changed.

yesterday, i played a game of fate and lost. so wad, i should listen to what fate tells me? or twist the meaning of fate ot suit my liking. i end up deciding that i shouldn't even leave this to the hands of fate in the first place. it's stupid.

someone said once in church. When we pray for something that we want, God don't just give it to us, instead, he'll give us a opportunity to gain it ourselves. God really answers my prayers. whenever i pray for something, he'll always give me a situation to learn and obtain the thing i want. it's amazing cos he always catches me off guard, like when i pray for a chance to be nicer to my mum, the opportunity he gives me happened a few days later that i wasn't prepared for and i always end up not getting the thing i want. but God never stop giving me chances. i'll always afraid of taking things for granted and yet, even when i know it, i still take it for granted, be it subconsiously or wad. will i be forsaken one day? will i not be given any more chances are my constant fears.

i've always lived in a world without lies and deceit from others so why do i always have trust issue. i guess i've always lived in a world where i lie to myself. a world where i created and put in the people i want, and even create the ending. i mean, since when ending can be anticipated. no one can be 100% sure of anything. not even in medical science. there are always miracles. in a world i created myself, things around me are there for a purpose. and don't know since when, i start to feel people are there for a purpose too. but in reality, people come and go, endings cannot be anticipated and people around me are not there for the sole purpose to accompany me and keep me happy. true, friends and family are accompanying us through our road of journey but they too have their own journey to walk. who am i to make them come into my world to fulfill their duties to me only and forsaking their world.

i need to learn to deal with my negative thoughts, like sadness, jealousy and so on. i lie to myself i'm happy that's why i never know how to find real happiness. i need to tell myself i'm not happy and den fully embrace that emotion and finally learning how to overcome it.

so here i m giving up the things i dun even own in the first place. cos the interesting part about life is that u will never know what u will get. though i experienced bitter and sad times, but i've had my fair share of happiness as well. i cannot create a world always full of happiness because by doing so, i've caused others to be upset. and this doesn't make me any happier than before. so when i leave life outside of my hands, it becomes a 50/50 thing. i could gain the most and be truly happy or i could lose people i value but this is my life. and i need to know how to make the right choices. i cannot be manipulative with people so that i get the ending i want. what about ending other people want.

this is really difficult for me cos i never really leave such things outside my control. but i m going to do it, praying for the best to happen.

seriously, if one day i end up vanishing, i won't even be surprised i walked to that stage of my life. as if being bitter and all is not enough, i feel like i have so much pent up emotions in me. emotions that i cannot put a name to and each and every day is slowly draining me of energy and strength.

tt's why i always end my night praying for it..

here i am going to sleep, bitter and all, again. i loathe my life. and u never ever fail to make it worse. maybe i would get retribution, but right now, can i get some love and concern for genuine? and not some love and concern that u claim to be good for me. i don't need that.

maybe i should change, i'm so sick of this thing we have every single night.

the mini "holiday" i had with the boy is over. expectedly, i start to miss those days already. the memories are still fresh in my mind, studying hard together, bringing him around to eat stuff that i always wanted to try, cooking for him, gosh, it was blissful.

mummy said u can't decide u want to marry a guy just by going out with him a few times, watching movie. sounds very cliche, i mean, does she think relationships nowadays are still like that? after coming close to 3 years, and we just go out and watch movie? it's such a shallow thought. now it makes me think, are relationships like that in the past? during their dating phase, it's just dinner and movies, is that it? den how come the people in past get married after maybe less than a year? weird... and i dun really wanna crack my brain on it.

exam's this sunday, beloved big walk also this sunday. so sad i had to miss it this year and i promised myself i must must must join it next year! and i'm pulling my boy along.

anyway, i'm feeling really lousy, despite the good days i had. and it has nothing to do with it. i'm still having the good feeling lingering around. it's just that.... i feel so sad about the way i am. i dun even wanna go into the details. and it saddens me that nothing i do can actually realyl help. i tried, i really did.

luckily for me, i have a boyfriend, that never fails to make me happy, and be there and make me feel i'm always that special girl i am to him. he loves me in his own way... the way tt u need to look longer then u can see. haha.. but i still love him

(but i m still a teeny weeny bit shallow, i really want to feel goood abt myself)

came back late last night so didn't bother to blog. last night ended well with my beloved chocolate tart above. loves... i'm too lazy to upload more pictures. another time maybe... i'm too lazy.

i finally finished my 13 chapters for the first round, hoping to start the second round sometime soon. my mini term break is coming to an end soon, how time flies... like seriously! =/

looking forward to the eating competition tmr!

such a late entry. but tt's only cause i mugged till down to the last chapter! =) yes, perserverance do do do pay off after all. i'm happy and seeing the boy hard at work makes me happy too.. jia you! so i'll stay up with him till wadever time he finishes.

macroni for dinner and dublin mudslide of dessert. YUMMY YUMMY.

today, my day was made by dear amelia, she was telling me...

quixotical.:
eh ehh!

quixotical.:
ur bf makes a gd husband

quixotical.:
u dont need to worry abt him strayingg

me:
?

me:
how come

quixotical.:
ISTJ's word is as good as gold, and they honor their commitments faithfully. They believe that to do otherwise would be nothing less than a breach of honor and trustworthiness. Consequently, they take their vows very seriously, and once they have said "I do", that means they are bound to the relationship until "death do us apart

me:
lol!

quixotical.:
Once they have made a commitment to a relationship, they will stick with it until the end.

oh well, it's up to me whether i believe or not... but i m happy! =)

can't wait for tmr.. i wanna take lotsa pictures with my sucky camera!

I'm a ESFJ

The Caregiver

As an ESFJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit in with your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion.

ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view.

The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves.

The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them.

ESFJs are warm and energetic. They need approval from others to feel good about themselves. They are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. They are very giving people, who get a lot of their personal satisfaction from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give. They're very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care.

ESFJs are such caring individuals, that they sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

With Extraverted Feeling dominating their personality, ESFJs are focused on reading other people. They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they're with at the moment.

The ESFJ's value system is defined externally. They usually have very well-formed ideas about the way things should be, and are not shy about expressing these opinions. However, they weigh their values and morals against the world around them, rather than against an internal value system. They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in, rather than by any strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised and surrounded by a strong value system that is ethical and centered around genuine goodness will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought. For these individuals, the selfless quality of their personality type is genuine and pure. ESFJs who have not had the advantage of developing their own values by weighing them against a good external value system may develop very questionable values. In such cases, the ESFJ most often genuinely believes in the integrity of their skewed value system. They have no internal understanding of values to set them straight. In weighing their values against our society, they find plenty of support for whatever moral transgression they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person indeed. Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate, and their lack of Intuition prevents them from seeing the big picture. They're usually quite popular and good with people, and good at manipulating them. Unlike their ENFJ cousin, they don't have Intuition to help them understand the real consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate other to achieve their own ends, yet they believe that they are following a solid moral code of conduct.

All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments. They're not likely to enjoy having to do things which involve abstract, theoretical concepts, or impersonal analysis. They do enjoy creating order and structure, and are very good at tasks which require these kinds of skills. ESFJs should be careful about controling people in their lives who do not wish to be controlled.

ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well. They're traditional, and prefer to do things in the established way, rather than venturing into unchartered territory. Their need for security drives their ready acceptance and adherence to the policies of the established system. This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren't any.
ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs will usually not appear feminine at all. On the contrary, ESFJs are typically quite conscious about gender roles and will be most comfortable playing a role that suits their gender in our society. Male ESFJs will be quite masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs will be very feminine.

ESFJs at their best are warm, sympathetic, helpful, cooperative, tactful, down-to-earth, practical, thorough, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They enjoy tradition and security, and will seek stable lives that are rich in contact with friends and family.
Jungian functional preference ordering:

victor's kitchen for breakfast. they had a new product --- an chun dan shao mai. hahaha.. baby and amelia both had problem understanding wad's that!!! oh my... is everyone's chinese standard deproving or something... den went coffee bean to study. pretty productive i guess, just that always need to drop by smu for toilet. cos i dunno where else to go for the nearest toilet. haha.. yes, i'm the dumb one, k

den met up with amelia for dinner. ahaha.. i think people who read my blog must be thinking why am i like meeting her so often.. but it's not true.. not often enough i guess. to keep her away from the plant under the sea. haha.... anyway, good dinner, good dessert.

dunno issit the caffine or the cocoa that got the boy so high. he keeps maaking me laugh all the way back, acting so retarded-ly but now he's so serious into his SCV channel 35--- cartoon network.

can't wait for fri.. mugg mugg den end the week with good food! oh yea!! =)

is my blog getting boring these days? am i blogging like a primary school kid?

carrotcake, max payne, starbucks, home.

mugging mugging and more mugging. i already know i will miss this week with the baby.

another beautiful day spent and what makes it better is that it is fruitful! i actually finished 3 chapters and now left with 5. =) i'm a happy girl.

woke up at 830 to mug den went over to his place to continue mugging. i love studying hard for the day and rewarding urself with foood at night. the food need not be good food but something that i like to eat is good enough. and amelia, i'm in love with pastamania's spicy chicken.. and i think it started from uuuuu..

can't wait to ve the hanabi competition! i feel that maybe i can win.

3 reasons why the baby can be Grumpy, one of the 7 dwarfs.

1. He has eye bags
2. He has back pains (dunno why)
3. Constantly feel that he does not have enough sleep.

my energiser battery is not online tonight. and she came! is this telepathy?

don't know if anyone noticed, but i'm trying to blog every single day of this beautiful mugging holiday to come.

went to church this morning. begin to see familiar faces. i recognise people by the face more... is this called photographic memory or something? den breakfast @ the hawker centre. den back home to mug. wish i was more hardworking... for one whole day, i only finished a chapter.. and i have 8 more to go. i intend to finish these chapters before the weeke end, so that i can at least do some of my school work as well.

simple dinner, lovely company. though u get grumpy, touchy and irritated with me regularly, i still love u no less. ahahhaa..... i realised when u sleep, u get so deep into sleep. i seriously can just kill you. thinking of that, no matter how grumpy, hot tempered u are with me, i still think it;'s funny.

both of us are sick one way or another. haha!!

and amelia, looking forward to friday! sorry that this week meet so little cos of holiday. remember 8th nov!! and also ur study week. slot me in, k!

i'm thinking i really enjoy stayin in the whole day, whether unproductive or not. of course productive day spent at home will be better la but i really like staying in with the boy like that. like even though we both use our own computer, doing our own things, i still feel good knowing he's somewhere around staying in with me. but issit not so good?

like issit couples must ve more sparks, spend more time communicating and all and like nothing to do nothing to do sooner or later, the boy will get bored and tired? cos i like it... i'm sure he don't mind it now.. but issit going to be the case forever? today as we were cleaning up the stuff after dinner, i feel like an old married couple. i like the feeling but yet issit too sonn to ve such feelings. i mean, our r/s is only coming 3 yrs, not coming 30 yrs. will it wither and die soon?

i'm happy..... i m. just worried. wad if u get sick of me.... i'm starting to see my future with you. dun wanna lose it.

just before the day comes to an end, i just wanna blog this down as a memory. it's our 1000th day today. it takes 2 yrs plus coming 3 yrs to reach 1000 days, it's going to take 27 yrs to reach 10,000 days mans. but whatever it is, if i didn't count and record it down, where do i get the chance to eat good foood? ahaha... no, it's not entirely an excuse, i like events that has a cause for celebration. i look forward to them, makes the whole week feel better too!

whatever it is, it makes the day even better when i get to dine with the boy in peace and happy faces. i was quite scared he might be grouchy and all due to army. but all turns out well. even when the bill choke up to more than 100 plus, it's still well spent i feel.

anyway, the day started early for me.. den met amelia for lunch @ crystal jade den mugging time. feels good to be able to see my friend on a regular basis. =) den went for law class that never fails to proof time well spent, be it jotting down notes or laughing away. den dinner @ absolute haven. i like the food there, especially the tiramisu! yummmmy! but good foood still need good company. tt's more important.

den home sweet home with the promise of jogging and more mugging tmr. maybe home cooked foood too. =)

now how many smiley faces are there already. haha.. it's going to be one long term break plus holiday for me and the boy. more time spent!

and angel dearie.... i'm free on the 8th of november. issit too far? when can everyone meet? everyone seemed busy. exams coming ar?

despite all my grumbles and insecurities here and there, there are still times u nv fail to make me smile and times when i prove to myself love do exist.

i just saw the buffet @ mandarin oriental and i realise that's the hotel i wanted to bring the boy for his birthday and dine @ morton's steakhouse. hmmm..... maybe few years from now, we can actually celbebrate some occassion and stay and dine there....

amelia chow!!! where the hell are uuuuuuu.. i'm feeling so whine-ny and u're not around!!!!!

today i was complaining to chin that if there's a most irritating award, it will definitely go to my mum. and she say if there's a most easily irritated award, it will definitely go to me. ahaha..... true but darn funny!

it's sunday night again. and the monday blues are hitting me left, right and centre. thinking of macro, iso and the stack of homework waiting for me to complete. the perserverence to exercise, the late night mondays, urge NOT to take cabs. but after monday night, life is pretty easy cos got two days break. in which i will waste one day away on tuitions and wed start to do my work and look forward to seein my boy. and then look forward to weekends again. life is such a cycle but i particularly hate hate hate sunday nights!

some movies, i really dun mind watching again and again and thinking how nice or brilliant it is. one of it will be like The Island, and i like the holidays, or is it last holidays. i wanna find the bucket list and watch too. it looks like a nice plot.

the blues are making me blue-er..... i'm a copy of cookie monster now. =/

here's an invitation to treat, for those who actually study business law. come make an offer to me.

i'm free on this coming fri from 1 to 6 plus, who's free to keep me company? dying for some chill out sessions. =)

i can't tell if i am angry, disappointed, sad or what. but there's certainly anguish in me. this boiling anger. i don't know to hope if this thing doesn't happen again or when it happens again, i would just look sadly and say i'm not surprised. of course i hope this doesn't happen again. cos i really don't want you to stoop so low. =/ i guess i am sad more than angry. cos i couldn't give you the best.

in the past, there are relationships that are deemed to be fixed, undeniable and cannot be changed. they are kinship, family ties, and to a large extent i think, marriage. people of the past accept these relationships as fixed and play their role as a son, daughter, as a brother, sister, as a husband and wife. and they play it dutifully, fillial-ly and no questions asked.

in our current society, are there fixed relationships anymore? true, maybe the kinship, blood ties, family ties are pretty fixed. cos u cannot run away from it. the blood type is there. but still, there are stories people sevvering ties with their family, people don't acknowledge their own parents, brothers or sisters. if something that has similar blood type can change, what happens to marriage. is that why divorces are so so so common, and i cannot emphasise anymore how common it is. is there no more fixed relationships in societies?

and if kinship, marriage dun last especially one with blood ties, the other with certificate of marriage, how is friendship going to last? and when a r/s changes, who's to blame? are we conforming to the society by changing or is fixed relationships that hard to build nowadays.

sometimes i feel that cos alot of people are not bounded by rules or by anything at all anymore. i mean kinship, ur parents raise u up, by right, out of fillial piety, u SHOULd and must take care of them but is everyone thinking liek this now? like marriage, u are bounded by vows. but so many people out there dun value the true meanign of vows. that makes friendship worse, we dun cut our fingers and drip blood in a bowl to signify long lasting friendship nowdays, loyalty, trust is thrown out of the window here and there already.

true, i'm being pessimistic, but who dares to sae, we're living in a love filled society which will definitely grow to become better. i'm not even tt selfless myself. what about others out there?

i just find it so sad to sae bye to long term relationships. how do u bring urself to say bye. it brings so much tears and misery. i'm getting skeptical, i know i am

i realised i have so many people in my life who are irritating yet i can't do without them. these people can really irritate the hell out of me, i really get pissed pissed. not those normal angry type but the boiling types, the exasperated kinds yet, the next minute, they make me laugh like crazy, make me feel so loved, and make me feel i really can't do without them. now now now.... what do you call such people

with the financial turmoil in the society, there's still a large problem exisitng. for some reason, i keep seeing talk shows online relating to more and more singles choosing not to marry, not to give birth or cannot even find the right partner.

a few weeks before, it's a documentary on why singles cannot find each other and their expectations as well as married couple not wanting to give birth. last week or something, i saw news that some association organised a "match-making" session where parents come forth and bring pictures of their own children to show one another. This i thought is a little absurb. then this week i saw another talk show about Dating agency coming in to help and more discussion why singles are not meeting one another. i think there's a woman talk show coming up on channel u? and the first topic they started on is woman not wanting to get married or give birth.

well well well, is it that difficult to find a partner nowadays? i think maybe at our age now, no one actually worries about that and also maybe in 10 years time, this problem will not exist anymore. but why is everyone finding it hard to find partners? from the talk show, i heard some woman who works in financial sector.. working envirnoment could be all female and working till wee hours. when weekends come, they will ask good friends out to chill and all. no time to socialise. wad abt the guys? i think they think singapore girls are hard to maintain or something? or they think singapore girls expect too much. yes, this is all true but don't guys grow with the society? do they expect their girls to be like woman of the past? woman in the 60s? stay @ home and wait for their husbands to come back?

i think as the society progressed, people's mindset changes and people progressed. maybe the ladies progressed further cos they want to grow out of being a housewife or staying @ home. they want their career and they strive to achieve more. and man out there, their mindsets progressed but just not as far? is that it?

hmmmm.. i'm really learning to cherish the guy with me right now, not cos i scared i can't find any other people. more of r/s is really difficult to start. firstly, it's difficult to meet that one person in the world big city. den it's even difficult to actually love someone.. and much more difficult that that someone loves you back. so when the probability is soo small, why don't i cherish the one i love with me.

i succumbed to the temptation of luxuries yet again. second time... i'm feeling guilty yet i just cannot help it. it's just one of those nights. am i a spendthrift?

third week of school and already i m feeling overwhelmed. so stressed, i got so much things to do and some things not necessarily i know how to start doing them. =/ gosssssh! =/ is this really life?

i enjoy balancing studying hard and playing hard but i need to be able to see the playing part in view. so that i constantly know what am i looking forward to. like a nice planned weekend ahead or some activities to be done. all these will motivate me much more. is this wrong?

there are so many things in my list of wants right now and i have so limited resources to get them.

1. Shu uemura cleansing oil (i think it's pretty goood)
2. Shu uemura Depsea water (if there's remaining money)
3. Fil beauty and spa's facial 75 minutes ( i don't even know how much is it)
4. Running top (though i have already)

darn, i'm having a mental block right now and i can't think. but i'm sure there's lots more. and yes, everything is related to beauty and fashion. well, i'm a girl you see.

i'm a happy girl today, after so long. but i think things will get better. =)

i have to admit i am a little disappointed but i'm not sad.

i know it's for the better.

you know it's coming to an end when:

1. there's no more hello pecks and goodnight kisses
2. your messages don't get any reply in 24 hours
3. he doesn't look into your eyes anymore
4. whatever you do irritates the hell out of him
5. and vice versa
6. bitter memories linger longer than sweet ones
7. you fight faster than you make up
8. lust is lost to love
9. absence don't make the heart fonder
10. you start to plan things alone, not together.

this list can actually go on and on. but it's getting a little depressing. i'm a person of the future.

at least i managed a little readings here and there and got some stuff settled. hello to the new week. i hope this weekend will be better

rejoice to the weekends! i have been looking forward to this weekend much more than i did in the past 3 months! finally a breather and to get a headstart on note reading before it gets too late and become catch up. after the settling down week of school, next week would be the busy getting stuff week, get stuff i mean textbooks and materials.

well, ironically, this lovely weekend is to be spent without the dear one. and i wun see him till mooncake festival sunday. which of course i can't wait already. but wadever it is, i'm not going to waste the weekend away while he's on duty. i would have a list of things to do and plan before he gets out.

lots of things are not within my control anymore. but i just wan to do my best and be my best.

hey guys, help me out.. when i sae BEACH, wad country comes to ur mind? SEA please.

it's true that different people have different perspective and preferences. that's not wrong right? but will these differences be fatal to the relationship we try to build with each other? and even if i deem them to be fatal in the future, what can i do about it in the present.

when i'm on an optimistic note, i will tend to think that i'm a future looking person. some people might think that means i don't value the present but no, i just forsee what could or could not happen due to some things in the present and i dwell on them. and optimistically, this could be said to be having some sort of foresight? i mean, i had alot of scenerios where i could tell people, i told you so. okok, foresight might be a strong word. something along that line (i'm suffering from serious mind block). pesimistically, i dwell too much on what could happen and make myself cannot enjoy the present. it always comes back to making a balance. which is so difficult.

someone told me before, i have mental block. mental block to the world out there, to the people i meet, to the things that happen to me. i start to think these things will definitely end up this way, when i never open my mind to it. well, so far, nothing has proven me worng but could it be due to my mental blockage? yes, but how far of such blockage is due to my mind or my preference. how do i differentiate. whenever i thought i was sure of the answer, i don't dare to be sure anymore cos someone will be pointing fingers at me. it's so scary, how judgemental the world is. i can't blame them. i could be people's judge at times too.

i'm threading on a thin line right now. will it snap, will i get through? only God knows and i need to pray hard to him everyday.

a day spent not exactly the way i wanted to. my body didn't even behave itself. i slept the night before with a splitting headache, thinking it would be over when i wake up. yet, i still woke up with the splitting headache. wanted to get a headstart on the notes and all, but thinking of my unsolved stupid examination fees problem, my heart went cold. and plus, the headache got worse. it was quite bad to the extend that i was shivering on the sofa just minutes before i go for tuition. plus plus, i had to run 2 houses today. my tuition life is getting tougher, as the PSLE exams draw nearer.

so after popping down two panadols, i just headed back to tuition. almost died on the bus, but took a short nap and when i reach the destination, i'm actually feeling pretty ok. thank god for no school and no tuition tmr. and i can finally see him after so long. yes, i know it's not that long. but it's going to be a short, brief meetup for a longer separation till sunday. hahaha, so drama, i know. well, this is leona. first day know me?

i really must get a headstart on reading up sooon.

lots of mixed emotions as i woke up this morning, packed my newly-appointed "study table" and my bag to get ready for school. somehow, not even new stationery could cheer me up. i used to adore first days of school, cos i would definitely get a new bag for it, new stationery, new clothes sometimes too. maybe i'm not as excited this time round, cos i dun ve a new bag? but well, it could be the results that created immense pressure on me even before school officially starts. i know i can do it when i put my heart to it, it's just that i'm not sure my perserverence can hang in there till the next exams.

and as i try to relax, ripping cds into the the laptop that has just reformatted, i start to think about people's relationships with one another. as new friendship starts to bloom, does that mean the old ones are wilting? and even if the old ones are not wilting and dying away, are we putting in enough effort to make it stay alive or are we taking it for granted that it will always bloom for us as and when we want to. is it that difficult to juggle new and old stuff @ the same time? i'm beginning to think maybe it's not difficult to balance it but one of it is definitely priority over the other whether we want to admit or not. and we play different roles to different people's lifes as well. we'll be happy for the new friendship but if i were to belong to old friendship, i'll feel sad about it.

and now, as i carry a injured lower back, and a sore throat, i'll have to prepare more positivities as i step into my new school year.

my timetable is out. i have a very very very long monday. from 2 to 10. 3 classes in total. breaks here and there but still.. it's 2 to 10pm! grrr...

how is this going to help me cure mondayblues.

i am in love with:

1. chocolate tarts
2. kate spade
3. self-blended fruit juice
4. Teddy chocolate bisucits

i need more stuff to put a smile on my face

a woman asked a guy, is it true that all guys are not devoted. is it true that all guys will side track in a relationship.

the guys replied. there's not yes or no answer here. there are two types of woman. the first type will be those that are willing to accept everything, forgive everything despite how bad the guy may be. at the end of the day, she choose to stay by his side and love him whole heartedly. The second type of woman will be those that despite having a guy who loves her whole heartedly, yet they still choose to give him away.

my point is that, there's no yes or no the the questions i asked above... but which type of woman are you.

it's time to put an ending to all these misery. not for me.... hopefully for us

i crave korean food, indian food.... anything tt's spicy.... and i know i can find what i want at raffles place or little india.

learning learning

you're are right.

i know the world doesn't revolve around me. it's not that my world revolves only around you. it's just that i placed you priority over others. maybe that's not true either. i try to give you everything i can, yet on the other hand, i try to give others everything that i can too. maybe you're envious, that i can have best of both worlds? so u try to find your best of both worlds. then again. you're not that complex. whatever you do, the motive is very clear. you just cannot read ur inner self conscious the way i can read it. on the other hand, i'm very happy there's transparency.

to many other people, they keep seeing things in the short term.. but i see it in the long term. i don't expect you to understand my inner fears of rejection, my inner fears of changes. but i'm already 21. and i promised you and myself that i wanna change for the better. but who defines better or not? every individual has a different definition of what's better or not. is yours right or mine? but i feel when opinions are formed, especially for you, they don't change anymore despite my efforts. so i tell myself, for me, i just want to be happy for u when u found something in your life other than me. imagine if i can be jealous over non-living things or living things for that matter, what will i do with the kids in the future.

i must try to change. i don't know in which direction is this changing to. cos i just know i want myself to feel better. i don't wanna get upset over mundane stuff like that. if you were what you sae you were going to do, there would be more of these mundane stuff coming at me and if i don't learn to deal with it now, how am i going to deal with it in the future.

but deep down inside, why am i still resisting to changes? maybe others might not get it, but when there's something slowly shifting right in my eyes, i feel awful. awful enough to bury myself under covers for days.

It was a homely weekend spent. The weather was very nice for the both of us to just nua at home too. It was japanese day on Saturday. I'll let the pictures do the work.


My potion that looked like tomato sauce but tasted quite alright: apple, carrot and tomato juice.


Appetiser: Salmon

The only sushi i wrapped. he claimed mine was fat and not nice! so i gave up.

The set-up

He wrapped the remaining sushis

Final masterpiece, 9 rolls in all

Dessert. I love it... but this is depleting in supermarkets. can hardly find them anymore.

haha, here comes the birthday aftermath. have i kept u guys waiting for too long? it was a mild sunny day on 21082008. it rained a little but the weather was always nice to us when we got out of the car, so no umbrellas were needed. though my precious one would complain it got a little humid, the effects of after rain. we went sentosa, drove there. i love it when there's transport. went underwater world. he says it's to fulfill one of my many wishes. i think he just cannot believe that somebody had never gone to underwater world before. =/ it's expensive wad. and i never ever see a reason to go. cos the only thing i had in mind when i came out is i wanna eat stingray and crabs! but it was enjoyable. he promised me cable car and images of singapore next time. =)



After which, we headed to chijmes-- Capella Modern Italian Restaurant. He said he read it from a magazine and it looks good. It really is good, be it the ambience, or the food. I love it.






His must-have tiramisu.

Happy Birthday to me!

On the eve of my birthday, i decided to sit down properly and upload pictures. I decided to use collages to represent my pictures cos there were simply too many, over 200, and some pending from ladyironchef. and i decided to change skin too.. fresh start, fresh look. and anyway, the party would not ve been a success without:

My parents

and xcyflawx.

More birthday pictures coming up (i hope) and thanks once again to everyone who made my bdae special in one way or another. Love love! Hugs

finally, the well anticipated 16082008 is over. i had a blast and i thank every single one of you guys who made it to my party. maybe you don't think so but everyone's presence has made this party special in one way or another. i'll upload the pictures soon, i guess. luckily, i got something else to anticipate, which is the actual birthday itself. or else this year, my birthday will be on the 16th, instead on 21st. and just in case anyone forgot... my birthday party is on the 21st!!!!!!!!

thank you everyone once again, i thank yan especiailly for the video, for organising the party, for settling everything so i could just stay pretty and enjoy. and thanks amelia for the 13 presents she gave me to signify the 13 years of friendship we had. what can i say, i'm glad we're still going strong. thanks all the photographers.. i feel like a star with all the flash. can't wait to see the pictures. remember to send me, k. thanks for the presents xcyflawx gave me. seriously, i don't know what to say. i promise to the the present proud by putting in lotsa accessories. maybe u guys will see it sooon, @ the party @ my house in the near future. and bdaes are never the same w/o boon's cards, boon's handicraft. love it love it! and i simply cannot resist but i love the hershley peanut butter chocolates! thank yoooouuuuu tabitha. of course lastly, i have to thank my parents for making this all possible. for taking care of me till 21 to celebrate this birthday.

i feeel very very very loved. thank you thank you.. once again again.

my makeover photoshoot. yes, i know it's unlike me and vvery pinky. haha.. =)

I'm a very happy girl today and that's cause:

1. my baby is off today. national day's off day.
2. i finally finally got my makeoever pictures.
3. daddy and mummy bought me 2 gold pendant and a chain
4. my party's this weekend and i'm trying to stay happy all the way
5. amelia's gg to be back tmr!

when i have all these things to be happy about. should i frown when i grew many many new pimples... all near the nose?

i have to admit because i noticed many cases already that guys are actually better cooks than us women. haha. yes, takes alot to admit but out of 10 cases, there are at least 8 of them that's true. oh well.... yet, there's always differences in the kitchen still.

like a girl hates it when a guy cooks.. and why is that so? cos they dun clear up as they cook, they choose to clear up only after cooking, after dinner, dessert den rest a long while before they choose to wash and clear up the kitchen. and it irks the girl very very so. but when a girl cooks.. the guy always has this mentality, i dun mind, but i know i can do better. therefore, they always will add in a few "friendly" comments, which some girls can or cannot take. depends on how friendly the comments are.

haha.. just something interesting i feel

and amelia.... miss u. come back soooon.

someone told me before happiness is usually self-defined. that you know what makes you happy. however, sometimes i feel happiness comes when we least expect it. or happiness can also be things or people that you didn't know could have make you happy. and it only happens at that instant and that moment. even if we were to repeat the things or people, it might not be the same feeling that it first gave us.

and when i slowly begin to realise that and understand it... i really treasure times that make me happy. cos the feeling that i have cannot be repeated and neither do i want it to, cos the feeling will not be the same anyway.

it's that captured moment, captured in my heart. that's where my happiness comes from. accumulated of captured moments that i didn't know exist before that.

there are so many material things i want. right now.. like seriously.... i want...

1. a pair of nice flats to go with my pretty nails
2. to go for the eat my dead skin therapy.. i don't know what's the name of it
3. a good moisturiser
4. a dress for my birthday
5. a very pretty clutch bag

My Levi's itch is itching again. everytime of the year.... =/

money dropping from sky?

i don't know how to describe my current feelings. i hope you understand. somethings have changed but every day is still moving on. no one has stopped living, everyday life is still moving along. we're still very much in love aren't we? i think i need to reassemble the scattered pieces of my life. and make a new picture out of it.

i hate it when plans get screwed. especially in a bad way!

and that's my lovely cousin/godsis on her 5th birthday. she and the birthday bear jie bought for her.

i realised mondays are the best to blog. i love to sit down on a monday morning, recalling the beautiful weekend that just passed then type them out in words. i finally got my jogging shoes during the weekends. i expected it to be difficult but i'm surprised at how efficient we were or rather he were so within minutes of steppin into town, we got it already. so people out there who actually saw my wishlist... jogging shoes are out! that means so is adidas vouchers.... oh... but actually i won;t mind running attire. like shorts and the sleeveness v v comfy singlet looking top. haha... new sports bra is fine too! oh, and did i mention, the running shoes is a gift! my first 21st birthday gift. =)

so we were shopping around town, looking for a small water bag tt he can carry while we jog, one tt can put our ezlink cards, keys and all as well. we just went sports shop over and over again. it's quite interesting cos usually i wun even step foot in there. anyway, dinner was at Big Fish and must i say it again, i really love the place! why did we go there after such a long time. we should really go there more often. No pictures though, i was just enjoying myself too much to hassle myself. haha. the lady boss told me there's a new menu coming up.. interesting. i cannot wait. anyway, this Bigfish treat is on me to celebrate the boy's commissioning. look how long it was already and till now then we go.

We had nice scallops for appetisers. They are just special for the month only. Baby had his swordfish while i stick to pasta. Dessert is normal for him, which is tiramisu and i tired something else other than warm chocolate souffle. Now i wish i hassled myself to take pictures, cos with pictures, i dun ve to describe. oh well.... next time den.

so a lovely sat den a beautiful sunday. movie and dinner. i'm looking forward to tonight though. then i would be seeing him again. haha.. dear boy, i just wanna let you know i love the fact that you plan things for us to do together. love the fact tt we got identical socks, and u intend for us to get similar phones. i'm just like a small girl as i was told often. such stuff really makes me happy. =) all in all, nice weekend. love ya to bits!

finally finished album 1. i developed those pictures a long time ago and bought the album even longer time ago and yet, i recently just finished the album. oh, i failed to mention, the album is all on photos before nic went army. so i need to start on album 2 sooon, photos after nic enter army. mark my words and today's date cos who knows when album 2 will actually literally surface.

cooked a quick dinner for the boy before i rushed down to gm's place for dinner. it's the grandpapa's death anniversary. as usual, our family gathering is always @ gm's place and always with her home cooked food. standard pig intestine soup, her special meatballs etc. this time round got crabs and tom yum soup... and brown rice. wad's with healthy brown rice. anyway, i had a good time. ashley still as cute, and i had a short nice fun time with the cousins. it's been that long... since we laughed and talked face to face.

anyway, life is full of this and that. anyone can fill in whatever this and that may mean to any individual person. i was thinking, everyone has a inner rhythem in their life. as a member of the choir once, i remember the conductor once told us. when u are singing a fast song, u should be counting the rhythem in your heart slow. because if u count it fast, u'll end up singing faster than the music. and vice versa tt applies for slow music. anyway, everyone has their own rhythem. but i feel that if u are naturally a fast person, ur inner rhythem must be slow. or else, how do u get to enjoy life, enjoy the sunset, enjoy long walks and the sound of birds and crickets. what ever it may be.. but sometimes life can be enjoyed in a slow way.

however, u cannot take everything slow in ur life.. u got to find some target or goals and work fast for it as well. u can be slow.. but then if u are, dun let ur inner rhythem be as well. or else.. u will never achieve anything or accomplish anything.

hmmm. i'm less than a year closer to my taipei trip. hopefully cousin do get someone by then. my dream double date can!! on holidays summore!!!!

Our first Gold Class movie together. not his first time though. i'm getting expensive so i should stop pampering myself. but it's a nice experience!

i come to realise every step we take, every place we went marks down bit by bit of our memories together. i suddenly wish i had kept a diary since day one we were together so i can have all the details of how things happen and my thoughts and words then. i look forward to making more memories and doing things together with you. =) it's you and you only. always have been, always will be.

our next impt step together. takes quite some courage, but i'm pretty sure i want to do it. it has always been in the plan.

i'm having very serious cramps. one of the worst ever and and not even my hot milo can help. can u imagine, giving birht is claimed to be 10 times worse than this. my last packet of life saver milo from amelia is depleted. long story abt the milo..... but just that amelia left 3 or 4 packets of milo @ my place from the last time she came.. and everytime i used one packet... is to save my life.. from gastric to hunger. all sorts of reasons.

so anyway, given today that i have all rights to be emo, i thought about some stuff. like of all the reasons i envisioned us to break up, this is one of the reason that i nv thought of and yet when i thought of it, it seemed ironical yet so logical. and this is one valid reason where both of us cannot do anything abt it.. it's the view, the beliefs all the differences, maybe even the lifestyle? and very difficult to compromise as well. so.... oh well.

i need another hot chocolate drink! it's hurting so badly

A very very nice weekend spent. Friday night was the commissioning ball. @ Rasa Sentosa. I like the place there... the environment and all... maybe i can have my wedding @ sentosa! =) nice dinner, nice place, nice date and nice night. no complaints about it at all and i would let the pictures speak for themselves.

Sat was celebration for xin's 21st birthday. now i realise actually my house to Aloha Changi is so near and it's even nearer to Bark Cafe, i seriously must go there and try one day. I would have enjoy and eaten more xin's party but i was feeling so sick and all... with the mild headache and horrible sore throat. seriously, i sound darn husky now. i would like to think it's sexy! haha...

Sunday was angel's birthday party. =) BBQ!!! my all time favourite. but due to my throat and all.. i try to restrain abit and all too. i hate the feeling of not being able to indulge and enjoy my food seriously. when would this bad sore throat go away. i cann't even teach now can.... with my voice like that. i don't wanna go off key when i teach my students.

continue wishing me health! =)

i'm like down with something. i don't know what but definitely down with something. or going to be down with something. my throat feels sore.. my head's splitting apart. and not to mention i wake up every morning feeling my whole body's going to break apart. =/

however, this is the first time in my entire life trying to take such good care of myself. i down pi pa gao daily. eat panadol at night. drink so much herbal tea i pee every half an hour. i even went to the extent to avoid fried foood which is sooo torturous!!!! and i even try to sleep early and rest rest rest. gosh... and it's all for my fabulous weekend ahead!! nothing can go wrong!

i really wanna enjoy.... wish me health!

i'm looking forward to this weekend. 2 parties and a ball to attend. =) but before that, i've 3 more tuitions to go to. =/

always expect the unexpected and just when i learnt how NOT to get my hopes high, i have to deal with disappointment again. i thought i learnt, but looks like there's more homework to be done. and when i look into the future, i see more of such "having-to-learn-how-to-deal-with- disappointment" situations. even the heartiest breakfast couldn't cheer me up for long.

i've been addicted these days. since tues i believe, straight after exams. i haven't been able to do constructive things, not even get myself a cocktail to fulfill my fantasy. oh well, i guess i have to give myself a break once in a while and do all non-constructive things.

however, i still manage to stock up my house on food. since i'm going to stay home alot. i'm still giving tuitions. hmmm, i've settled some re-application of cards. packed a little here and there. these are more or less the constructive things i've done. get a little peeved and bitchy over the weekend. i call that constructive, cos i let some steam and finally i saw the light. actually things can be really simple. when i let it go, and just smile over it. haha.. my boy is very proud of himself and cos he managed to strike up convo with my gfs and initiated convo and managed to make them laugh. haha... it's definitely an achievement in his dictionary and i'm very happy also. it's nice to see him enjoying himself while out with us, instead of complaining to me later he's bored and all.

his commission parade is this sat and boy is eddie right. i am proud of him. it's as if it's my son who is going to be commissioned. ahaha.. life couldn't get any better right now. and it can be even better if i get to do constructive things, like get my cocktail.. or make myself happpier.

i was doubting the true meaning of frienship. esp for someone like me... who after a series of bad falls and bad nights, and turn to gfs everytime when i m in pit and esp when gfs help me up when i was down. to me, friendship is something really important and some aspect that i give great importance and priority to. i m still doubting abt friendship and gfs. maybe it's a give and take. while i wan others to prove some stuff to me, i should be proving stuff to them too. ya, leave the doubt there. i seriously do love all my gfs. this prompts a speech tt i'm thinking of making.. hmmm...

finally caught narnia. not in gold class. i can't seem to get anything out from the timings of gold class. hopefully i still get to use them before expiry. anyway, love it and all i can sae is .. it's been 2 yrs and 4 months... ahaha....

life couldn't get any better. =)

seriously when i stepped out of expo hall 4 today, i swore the air smelt so sweeet. it's sad that i cannot plaster a smile on my face like everyone else, because i am alone. so all i could do is kept the aloof look and pretend i m not bursting from the inside! gosh..... liberty, freedom!! here comes shopping and good foood! i simply simply cannot wait for guilt free fun!!!!!!!

OMG... i m just THAT happy. after coming a month of ordeal, suffering and pain. now i got lotsa things to start doing and i think i better make a list. I M SOOOO EXCITED! things to do, people to hang out with and baby's commissioning!! life couldn't get any better today!

thanks for everyone who stood by me for this coming one mth of preparing for exams and exams. thanks for chin and her wake up msges in the morning to get me up to study though half the time not v successful and thanks for amelia who always remind me to bring jacket, cos i sae people who does that are sweet. thanks thanks thanks!! =)

a good way to start the day is a hearty breakfast. and nothing beats fishball mee tak mak dry as a good hearty breakfast. just taking a break and now back to books.

i seriously got a huge craving for dim sum and this craving has been in me since the boy went taiwan. no, i think it's before that even. =( haik, i'm in no position to request the boy to bring me go eat dimsum. =( ARG. i'm leading a sad and dimsun-less life. sorry, it's late morning, just woke up and i'm hungry........

anyway, angel, i dun wanna curse u or wad. but hope we can go out after my exams. =)

over the weekend...

finally 3 papers down, and one more to go. i simply cannot wait for 3 june to come. 1pm 1pm! i would really appreciate if anyone wanna celebrate the glory with me on that day. but i know everyone else is working and working and working. airport has been a tradition for me everytime after exams lately, maybe i'll pop over there myself? haha...

it's friday!!! i have been playing games since i finished my exams yesterday. but i should get to my books. though there's still a distance from now to 3 june, i shouldn't wait till last min. haik, exams are such a torture but this is the worst. my exams are dragged over 4 weeks. 4 weeks is equivalent to 1 month!!

i finally can put good use to my gold class tickets. =) narnia! it sure brings back special memories. i still remember the night 3 xmas eve back where all my girlfriends are gathered over yan's house and i was telling them who i was going to watch the first narnia movie with on xmas. lol.... concrete memories sure stay but details are fading.

oh, and it's been one yr since the 4 of us went on cruise. gosh.. i seriously love the co. of such people. =) the next weekend is here.

i'm better at hooking people up than maintaining a relationship. i'm such a loser. screw myself

it's been a really long time since i last blog. well, i've been dutifully studying, in a way. haha, i just finished two papers in a day. was at the expo from 930 in the morning till around 6 in the evening. haha... first paper was just so screwed. screwed beyond screwed. don't even think i write enough for them to award me marks, how to pass. while doing that paper, i already thought o wad module i must take up next year. sian, 5 mods sure darn tough one. =/ but oh well, second paper was good. not too bad. am sure i can up enough marks to do well. haha

hmmmm, why am i online on a saturday? my precious boy is not back until tmr. i just have books for company then. =)

what can i say about the past 6 days that we spent together? you can make me boiling hot, make me mad and fury, yet you can still make me adore you and love you like crazy. haha...

so because of these lovely days and this lovely boy, here comes hell. for me. all the way to 22nd may! though my exam officially ends on 3rd june, but 22nd may i can take a breather already.

yes.. work hard for my lovely june to come!

sometimes i totally feel so defeated though. and all it takes is someone, something, some look or some action for me to feel this way. i suspect my incapability or ignorance to love. then again, maybe i just need that nudge.

finally got my beloved back in my arms. how time flies seriously, he's going to commission soon as an officer, provided he don't suddenly get ooc of course. but something kinda surprised me yesterday when i was at the airport. while waiting for him, my heart actually cannot stop pounding. ok, pounding is normal, but my heart is actually beating fast and i'm actually nervous and shy about meeting him. it's like i falling in love all over again, that kinda feeling. haha. tell me it's normal. cos i suddenly recall the first time my heart actually beat this hard and fast for this boy-becoming-man of mine.

i shall not go on about the gifts he bought. but i appreciate all that he bought and all. most importantly, i thank God he's safe and sound, losing only 1.5kg. i'm really a happy girl. i lose 1kg, but it's so going to come back just one day after his return. what with Mcgriddles for breakfast and sushi for dinner and a sumptous breakfast i intend to whip up for him tmr morning. while shopping at NTUC just now, i ended up chatting with the aunty that sells ham. haha... and while nic is gone to take other stuff i need, aunty secretly told me he's a good man. haha!! i smiled like an idiot. LOL.. it's just hilarious.

anyway, after his taiwan trip, our next year holiday plan became very clear. no Outbacks, no London, no beaches, bali or phucket, believe it or not, we're actually going taipei. lol.... settled and confirmed. haha, apparently, there's so many things he wanna see and visit, no chance. so taipei, and hopefully other parts of taiwan, here we come.

half a year more and we'll be able to get our next symbol of love. one yr one and we're able to go on our first holiday. the list goes on, but this is short term stuff to look forward to. and i love this boy and the life he's going to give me. =)

WORK HARD, LEONA! everything is going so well, you dun wanna destroy all that u stood for.

i'n in a pretty foul mood. it seems that i cannot finish studying. how do one memorise the two tb for one day's worth of exams. and further more, one of the module is my arch enemy. i m losing hope, day by day. i seemed to be mugging like next week is my exams, but i really am starting to panic like next week is my exams.

this is the price to pay for what i chose. i asked for it. and now, though i am not regretting, i am wishing this would all be over. i should start to mia, seriously. to study. me, my mj table and my lamp.

=(

an unexpected message that came in late at night brought silly me to tears.

receiving the letter of notification is like a big slap to my face that i should get back to books, get back to studying and serious studying is required. i've been studying but i'm very distracted. i can't wait for this thursday to come so that i will know if my baby is back in camp safely. keep having weird dreams, just feeling a little unsettled. of course i can't wait for next monday. when he's back in my arms.

i'm feeling so so so so so so sian! nothing can cheer me up mans, maybe dosage of good food. but for now, i'll take fruit juice as substiture. i'm in love with marigold peel fresh!

it's been 12 days since your departure. i guess the effect is kicking in finally. my tracks are getting a little blurry and i don't know where this long-winding road will take me. or even when it ends. i'm just bumping along the way, trying to toughen myself up as day by day goes by. don't get me wrong, i'm not being weak here. i'ts just this effect coming all over me, that's making everyday difficult to get by.

school officially ends. cos i choose not to go this sat's class after the last one i go last week. it's crap. i'm pretty much on my own. there's alot at stake. and i don't wanna be a loser after the end ofthe game. yet, i'm not hardworking enough. grr, mummy didn't give me interllect when she gave birth to me, why didn't she pass her genes of perserverence or hardworking-ness like she so proclaimed she had? i have neither. tt's doom to fail yea!???

let's go library and study again. i love it there

sometimes, kid's memory amazes and amuses me. apparently, sometime ago (i cannot even remember when), my student wanted to give a notebook as a gift. it's a kiddy notebook, and i have no use for it. at that point of time, i wanted to reject it so i flipped abit and say, i dun like notebook inside got scribbles and all. some pages had some drawings here and there.

today after lesson ended, the student gave me the notebook (i couldn't even recognise it's the same notbook). i thought again, i have no use for a kiddy notebook, so i flipped open and say, i don't like notebooks that got nothing inside. so plain (see how fast my brain work when it comes to rejecting things). but of course after i made tt comment, he sae, but u sae u dun like got things inside so i tear out those pages! den i realised it's the same notebook!!! and i cannot reject it anymore. so there it is now, inside my bag. haha

yes, my bad

i finally officially completed one whole module, as in complete studying it. and i used up almost the whole A4 size exercise book. i can feel the studying mode turning on and warming up slowly already. so as I am deciding which other module to start, i realised i haven't touch one single module at all, study guide brand new and it only makes it worse when i saw someone studying that in the library yesterday. his study guide don't look as new.

yes, i love the library. i think library makes it really conducive for me to study cos it's public area, u cannot keep standing up, sitting down, and cos it's not a school library, they're more strict which means no discussion at all. under such an envrionment, i'm forced to shut up and be more disciplined. i love the library, but i dun like it if i am alone. it feels too lonely, no one to smile to when u look up. anyway, i always feel something for libraries, like when i was really young, i thought my first crush would be someone i met from the library. cliche yeah i know. haha...

i'm sticking to my plans and i'm really really thrilled by it. i know yan finishes exams today. so which means, i can date her out on sat. go chill up abit then go home continue to mug. no more viwawa for me. at least not more than one hr tt kind. can so feel my ranking going down, but the ranking part is wad makes it SERIOUSLY addicitive, at least for me. 15 more days to the boy's return. i'm really excited, but i cannot even wait for his R&R to come, meaning more messages and maybe if he can afford, he can even call. die, i m beginning to forget how he sound...

sometimes i wonder, how people remember each other without meeting for a long time. like how i can remember how he sounds, how he looks like, his little actions? but i guess things always have a way round it. like in my hse, i can still feel his existence, like whenever i thought i would stop thinking abt him, there are things ard to remind me that hey, he still exists, how to so easily forget. his perfume, his guitar stand, his amp, his jacket... too many to list.

haha... on a random note, i love it when i see people leave a comment for me. cos seriously, i'm thinking who still reads about my boring life? as in.. who is even interested to read? i bet u guys ar, is come my blog, scan through. see got major change in me or not. right!?? see.. some of u are already smiling to urself already. tsk....\

back to books!

it's good to make plans. to cheer myself up. like although class didn't end as early as expected, i got a friend who took notes for me as well as told me wad to copy and stuff. thought i was a loner, but at least i have a friend who bothered.

then went toa payoh. lots of good memories man. apparently, the mian sua is still there, in the red bowl. the fried kuay tiao too, and the lor mee is still there!! the chicken rice, same stall i think and the veggie rice! i remember last time choir camp, we used to pack rice for their dinner from there. it's still there!!! haha... then i rode chin's bike back home and from there home, rushed all the way to IKEA, cos i was afraid i might not ve enough time to shop.

going IKEA makes me happy. i love that place, seeing all the stuff, i really wish i got my own place. then i will buy all the DIY stuff. and fix... okok.. i will get someone else to fix of course. and of course i love the hotdog bun, with tomato sauce. I was quite tempted to get the ikea chair. but i got no table to go with it... wanted to get it for studying purpose. i'm like trying to motivate myself by getting new stuff.

and there's dinner @ astons. =) i love plans.... thanks everyone who made my sat happy. next week must must mug hard... to enjoy the after work plans. =) lalalalala

i m feeling so irritable now. all i wan is to shout and grumble, pick a fight and scream my lungs out. i m feeling so angry........ and i have to contain all these emotions in me and explode.

i will die from swallowing my anger

when my students ask me how to improve their vocabulary, i told them it's very difficult to suddenly excel in it. and especially so, when they don't have the habit of reading books or let's say speaking english at home. this kind of thing is gradually one. like even if u start reading lots of books now, u might not be able to absorb at such a fast rate. in any way, i've decided to let my kids read from young.

anyway, what i didn't tell my students is that another reason how u can do better is to love the subject. love english, love literature. and don't get me wrong, i don't mean i love doing compositions, or comprehension, or situatuonal writing, it's just that by loving the subject, i understand what alot of words mean. i may not have thought of using the word doesn't mean i don't understand the word. let's say for example, i use happy but that doesn't mean i don't understand the word elated or thrilled. i enjoy reading beautiful articles cos i enjoy reading how writers use beautiful words to describe something.

it's like saying i miss the boy is understating the phrase missing someone. because i m not a good writer, i can't make a beautiful poem out of missing someone. or i can't express the deeper feelings within me regarding missing him. but that doesn't mean i dun understand when i see writers writing beautifully about missing someone. so that's where vocab is all about. to use it is another level. at a normal level, understanding is good enough. knowing alot of words is good enough.

i used to love wednesdays, cos after wed, the whole week will pass quickly and before i know it, the weekends will be here. but i got nothing to look forward this weekend. so ya, these 20 odd days will just pass slowly.. sian-ness, after all the studying, i got nothing to look forward to this weekend