when words pour out my system and reflections are made, i see myself in the mirror and my reflection tells me that nothing has changed. i thought it was different or was it myself tt wanted the difference but i came to a conclusion. maybe due to effect of doing my bd, but i picture it as a business. like business, it can vary. it can have its specialty, it can be different from its competitors. but at the end of the day, it boils down to one thing and that is to make money. no matter how different a business is, it still wants to make money. i guess that's how it is. with me.. especially when i see no change in myself.

i faced this prob in the past, i face this problem now. how often can i rely on you. u were there in the past, u are there now... but who can assure me ur presence in the future. i feel bad in a way.. for always doing this to you. bet loneliness will creep in when u leave me. not literally.. but no longer have time for me. due to some reasons. but anyway.. thanks. wad are girlfrends for yeaaa... not to be too wad, but i thank god for having a friend like u. especially u. u are like close to family type.. my roots mans. so no matter how far i go, my roots still remain. maybe i need to change my mindset? but tt's wad i tell myself all the time... without actually fulfilling it.

somehow... my body system cannot take it anymore. so tired. in a non-literally way. lol. feels so good to get it all out. everytime without fail. i wanna get married at 24.. latest 29 since my 18 year old dream can't be fulfilled. sorry girls... no god children for u guys in the meantime. i bet i'm infertile. like wad yan sae lah.

i do ridiculous thing when i am not thinking straight. as usual. can't wait for may to come. focus focus focus. on wad's impt and wad's not and the rest. i'll leave to the divine one. yes.. this should be it. like it or not.. this is me.


eye infection seems to be getting better. but no contacts for me.. hmm. this is like a small impact of my life. but i guess i could adapt to spects. i hope.... a good weekend will wait ahead of me. tt i'm sure. i'm being positive here. it's all in the mind.


the blacks are freaking me out mans. dunno why with good effect these days. tt means no late nights and all already. where's my nightlife and all my enjoyment. maybe it's cause i'm losing a certain somebdoy.. tt's why. i feel the ga and the distant. so near yet so far apart.

i cannot emphasis how much i hate them. grrrr.. gets me all paranoid.