when words pour out my system and reflections are made, i see myself in the mirror and my reflection tells me that nothing has changed. i thought it was different or was it myself tt wanted the difference but i came to a conclusion. maybe due to effect of doing my bd, but i picture it as a business. like business, it can vary. it can have its specialty, it can be different from its competitors. but at the end of the day, it boils down to one thing and that is to make money. no matter how different a business is, it still wants to make money. i guess that's how it is. with me.. especially when i see no change in myself.

i faced this prob in the past, i face this problem now. how often can i rely on you. u were there in the past, u are there now... but who can assure me ur presence in the future. i feel bad in a way.. for always doing this to you. bet loneliness will creep in when u leave me. not literally.. but no longer have time for me. due to some reasons. but anyway.. thanks. wad are girlfrends for yeaaa... not to be too wad, but i thank god for having a friend like u. especially u. u are like close to family type.. my roots mans. so no matter how far i go, my roots still remain. maybe i need to change my mindset? but tt's wad i tell myself all the time... without actually fulfilling it.

somehow... my body system cannot take it anymore. so tired. in a non-literally way. lol. feels so good to get it all out. everytime without fail. i wanna get married at 24.. latest 29 since my 18 year old dream can't be fulfilled. sorry girls... no god children for u guys in the meantime. i bet i'm infertile. like wad yan sae lah.

i do ridiculous thing when i am not thinking straight. as usual. can't wait for may to come. focus focus focus. on wad's impt and wad's not and the rest. i'll leave to the divine one. yes.. this should be it. like it or not.. this is me.


eye infection seems to be getting better. but no contacts for me.. hmm. this is like a small impact of my life. but i guess i could adapt to spects. i hope.... a good weekend will wait ahead of me. tt i'm sure. i'm being positive here. it's all in the mind.


the blacks are freaking me out mans. dunno why with good effect these days. tt means no late nights and all already. where's my nightlife and all my enjoyment. maybe it's cause i'm losing a certain somebdoy.. tt's why. i feel the ga and the distant. so near yet so far apart.

i cannot emphasis how much i hate them. grrrr.. gets me all paranoid.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		8
Quality Time:		7
Receiving Gifts:		7
Acts of Service:		4
Words of Affirmation:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

BEACH BOYS lyrics - "Wouldn't It Be Nice"

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

i thought i was being emotional then, i mean with alcohol and being not at hm and all, and memories invading every space in my head every single day and images taking over my entire living soul. when i told chin about it, i think she thought i was being too emotional too. and i believed it. till today.

watched the show again and i conclude. i wasn't being too emotional then. i'm touched, genuinely.

planning gets messy. and plans dun get to carry out for a long time already. when when when will it happen. when will it actually happen. hopes get dashed and was shocked to hear tt it was a blow even. but somehow, we will gather soon and meet up real real soon, k. i promise to do my part. u guys mean too much for me to give up. i would lose so much so i would always take initiative to arrange, k. promise me u guys wun reject me too much... =)

sometimes the pain gets so unbearable tt i start to cry. it's the little girl in me tt never change. still remember when i was living with gm and i got sick. the pain got into me tt i woke up in the middle of the night and cry. then i will proceed to call my mum... and scared the hell out of her. imagine ur daughter call u in the middle of the night and start crying.. and only keep saying pain. this is an incident tt i will never forget. cos no matter how much disagreements me and mummy have or how not close we are. this is a mother-daughter thing tt will not change. instinct maybe? but ya... whimpering like a little puppy everytime i'm sick. when will this little girl in me disappear. somehow, i dun ever want it to disappear cos this is the only connectioni have with my mum now.

maybe right now, as much as i want to deny it, i'm just not strong enough to take care of myself. tt's why the little girl is still inside. as much as i wan to sae i've grown or become stronger or more independent, i cumble very easily. i feel so weak when i'm not feeling well. like sandcastle easily washed away by the waves.. when will i learn to stand strong and take care of myself? at this rate i'm going, i ve to depend on pple all the time?

m i not strong? i dunno how to take care of myself. will u take care of me? always..?

Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox - Same Script, Different Cast

[Whitney](Deborah)
Oh, hey, Deb
(Hmm-hmm)
Thank you for being woman enough to come
(Whitney, what's this about?)

I know he's leaving me for you
(Who said that, who told you?)
That is true
What is he telling you?
Could it be the same things that he told me?
(He told me that he loved me)
I heard that
(He told me I was beautiful)
Uh-huh
(How did you know? How did you know?)
Because I played the scene before

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now cause it won't last
Same script, different cast

[Deborah](Whitney)
What you're saying could be true
But how can I take advice from you?
(I'm not hating)
(But I wish the one before me would have warned me too babe)
Don't say no more, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
(Uncover your ears, girl)
I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
(But I know you hear me)
(Maybe my reasons are wrong)
(But I know that you believe me)

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now cause it won't last
Same script, different cast

[Deborah](Whitney)
It's your fault you didn't love him enough
(That's the problem, I loved him too much)
(And when you love him he becomes unattracted to you)
Oh no, he's changed and I'll prove you wrong
(No, you won't)
So go away leave us the hell alone
See, he loves me
(He'll hurt you)
He'll stay with me
(He'll leave you)
For sure, for sure, oh

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
Now, now, now, now, now, no, no
Now the roles have changed
Have changed, and I'm the leading lady in his life.
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, because it won't last
No, same script, different cast

[Deborah]
This is a retake of my life
You were his star for many nights
But now the roles have changed
I'm the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, cause this will last
I'm the future, you're his past

[Both]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
But now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now
Enjoy this now
It won't last
I know it will last
Same script, different cast, oh

for a moment, i felt ugly. especially in front of u. i don't know why this is so but after talking to eve and she explained to me the difference of certain terms, felt prettier. much prettier. maybe somehow or another, i don't want u to see the ugly sides of me

i wonder if u knew i was like tt... why did u even fall for someone like me. but now i noe and i thank god for bringing someone like u into my life. feeling blessed and blissful every single day. i liked wad u did for my hair today.. hoping there will be more to come. makes me feel goood. maybe when i was still a little girl.. pple like my mum and gm will still do tt for me. now ar.. hard to find pple who's willing to do tt for me already. =) my current favourite days are monday and thurs and my boy should noe why. though these 2 days got BD... which i kinda dread a little.. but they are still my fav days of the weekdays... of course not including the weekends.. leona LOVES weekends.

i liked wad angel told me today. am gg to give it some thought amongst all the other things tt i'm thinking about. registered with an agency today. hope to hear good news of them.

went to buy honeydew today from the fruitful at tampines. auntie already knows wad we want. even asked why we so late today.... lol.. den this guy actually made fun of us.. sae eat honeydew.. tian mi mi all the way.. diaos.. but ya.. i'm building up a good r/s. for future reference. ahhha

an impromptu dinner which turned out quite ok, i would say. so as long as my boy says it taste fine and okie, not too blend, not too salty, then it's fine. juggling between so many things, thinking of this and that makes me tired. easily lethargic just the mere thought of that, but i have to perservere. went to watch eight below today. niceeee... highly recommended. =) last episode of my hk drama today, one tt i persue rentlessly everyday, rain or shine, whethere tired or not, whether how late the show is and now, it's finally finished. and it's nice... =) life can be this simple... yet....

preparing for my grade 7 exam this year. it's going to be held in november or so. i still aim to finish everything before 21. aims, goals and ambitions... these are just words. big words with nothing to support them. empty words. so much to express but can't seem to form them out in words. too tired, i supposed. tiredness is getting to me. and along with tiredness comes moodiness as well.

4 hours of break tmr. i wonder how to deal with it. sent a thank you card to kerin today and she replied. so sweet. =)

with people like you around, the more i want to prove myself worthy. you didn't offend me in any way, but that freaking attitude of yours i just hate. maybe it's not attitude, i mean, there's nothing wrong in proving your own capability or striving hard but it's me. i just dun feel good losing to such people. losing is never in my dictionary... it's okie if i lose in battle i dun care. i mean i chose to forsake the battle. not the other way round, so i'm perfectly fine with that. but now things are different. this is a battle that i care and i'm so going to prove my worth. i'm going to make u notice and feel threatened by my presence. i am gg to show u when pple like you meet someone like me, you've got to feel the fear. i mean it. i'm getting serious. maybe if this motivation works out... i might even thank you one day. bur right now, i aim to beat u flat, on the ground. but first thing first, i've got to make u fear me. dun pretend i dun exist.... grrrr.. pple like u makes me sick from top to toe... makes my blood boil, not with anger, but with lotsa determination.

anyway... i've goit lots to strive for, lots to prove and lots to fight for. who says life was a breeze. it will never be so for me anymore. it's time i face the devil deep within e, and pay some attention to challenge.

just read amelia's tag and it's making me damn curious. and i messaged her online while she's on away mode, hoping she's not away.. but she is!!!! hmphhh.. amelia chow!!! tell me wad it is!!! tell me tell me... let's hope after i blog today's entry... she would come back.

went on mega shopping trip today and it feels soo goood!!! i got most of my stuff on my shopping list in the previous entry except the fragrance of course. bet i need to save up longer for it now after all the things i bought. and in addition to wad i got in the shopping list, i got 3 new tops as well! =) all smiles.... didn't know shopping with u can feel this good. hope u enjoyed it as much as i do. i certainly dun want myself to be the only one enjoying. =) and all the shopping bags tt we carried back, or rather all the shopping bags u carried back. lol.... ur first time and mine as well. to have someone to carry all my shopping stuff stuff.. and u to carry all of somebody esle shopping stuff. lol. =) i'm a happy happpy girl today!!!! realised i might get quite hooked to shopping at roxy next time... i like their handbags... looking around for handbags today.. but u didn't allow. boo.. but nonetheless.. i'm still happy. and ya.. i admit, u have good taste to a certain extend.

i will never forget tonight when u and my mum decided to chase a lizard out of the house.... ahhha. it's just funny and scary at the same time. funny to see u 2 and scary cos i dunno when the lizard will change direction and come for me. and my mum just mention she wants to buy a cane for u already!

anyway... school starts tmr. and i'm all set for it. new stuff! wooooooh.... =) everyone who reads this.... pray for my first day of school. no biggie... but still.. this new start means alot to me. in every aspect. those who knows me should noe wad i'm toking about. =)

life feels gooood!!! can't wait for 22nd... to eat the egg! craving and salivating for it already. and yay, amelia replied!!!

finally, the last day of work. though i won't say i'm going to miss the callings, or the scoldings some customers give over the phone... or ow mundane my work can get at times, but there are really things tt i would miss. i would miss the friendly work environment, no kidding about tt. not saying out of courtesy or wad, when i write in the logbook or when i give feedback, but the pple there really are nice and sweet. this is the kind of environment tt i would miss.. alot. i would miss some part of my job as well, especially the parts when customers are real sweet.. and thank you by the name. or thank you for the help.... or just plain nice. but basically, it's just the pple i miss there. those who have guided me patiently and have given me lotsa help during work, those are the ones tt i miss. oh boy... look how much i've changed my opinions in the past 6 weeks... but!!! i'm pretty much looking forward to school re-opening. the start of my new life and my new goal. having a goal always drives and spurs me on.

anyway, today is pretty much celebrating and slacking all the way. no work to be done on last day, so i guess the real last day should be yesterday cos today all of us are very high at work place.... we even thought of cheers for my team-- bluechips.. but here's one tt i would love to share.. i'm not infringing copyright.. cos i'm gg to give him credit... so here's Wang Xuanming's self thought cheer: -

we are not red chips
we are not potato chips
becase we are not that cheap
Guess who we are
We are mighty bluechips!

lol.. can u believe him... here's one from my boy:

United we stand
Together we call
Surveys we make

he claims that it's the army version. but seriously, i thought it's pretty good. =) so anyway, last day of work, though we had to give them a treat, got presents and a BIG card each in return. my first big card!! am sooo touched!!!! okok.... if i get to be executive or above when they recruit me after my graduation.. i might seriously consider. lol.

no matter how much a girl like leona claims that she's gg to forget there's such leisure called shopping, she just can't do it. BUT... i'm not doing un-necessary shopping. this is call rewarding myself for a fruitful 6 weeks of work. so i've decided to go shopping on sunday!!! to get all my new school stuff.. These are things that i want to get:

a new school bag (definitely a necessity)
a new pencil case (not so necessary)
a new jacket (somewhere in between, but something i really want!!!)
a new pair of flip-flops (good to have, but no rush)
the new fragrance (waiting for my boy and i to save up for it)

going to get sponsorship from the queen though.. request in process.. waiting to be granted.

am hunnngggrrryyyyyy. but he say i cannot eat! hmph. anyway.. can't wait for the cycling trip tmr. am very looking forward to it.. plan well, k? downloading bleach now btw.... =)

i'm so glad i'm being missed by angel and joel.. cos it shows that i'm being REMEMBERED at least. nyway, joel... why doesn't the picture show when i enter my blog?? hmmmm... why ar?

anyway.. this week is my last week of work, and sadly.. i'm on afternoon shift. sians. i'm starting to dislike my job once again. i guess it's the on and off period. but although this week is only 4 working days, i already cannot wait for thurs to come and get it over and done with. can't stand this current project tt i'm on. i think it's annoying to an extend... if i were the custoemr, i would feel annoyed. we're giving the colleagues a treat on thurs.. while i heard yan's place... the company's giving them a treat a t a place tt requires booking of place?? os i would think is a restaurant??

after this week is over, it's really time to start getting serious about my life and things i do. had a little talk with my mum and somehow, i gathered from her tone that she definitely wants me to get into uni... but not overseas one. i guess it would be a seriously heavy load on my family, that's why. i do understand, thus... it's time to make a difference. easier said than done... but determination and discipline will become my 2 best friend for this coming year ahead.

i wasn't exactly feeling down but i have to admit my emotions got slightly more positive after reading eve's mail. thanks eve. silly little updates and the long awaited email. am going to reply very sooon. maybe after i finish the new project on hand.. =)

sometimes can get quite tiring. guessing, pacifying and trying to pretend nothing's wrong. being insensitive it may be... pretending not to acknowledge it may be too. or too tired to do anything. i dunno wad went wrong. but it does really get quite tiring at times. for both of us, i think. do we ve a problem somewhere... i dun like this feeling. i dun like leaving thorns unplucked, threads dangling and white spots tarnished. i dunno....