angel and I before the concert.. miss u.... meet up again to do more catching up okie? 

i've just look into the mirror. i dun like what i saw. i dun look good and i m frowning damn badly. it doesn't help at all when i came home and the lights outside my house are flickering. m having a splitting headache. everywhere hurts! had econs exam today. not good. flipped out. everything went wrong. not enough time. just hope i can pass. it's just a very small wish of mine. after econs, went clementi for lunch. not a good lunch... =( went to kindergarten after that to teach those kids. took a bus there, guess the bus was too jerky, by the time i reached the kindergarten, my head is soo pain that i feel that they are gonna burst. this sux. luckily, todae the kids weren't that bad, so this is the first thing tt actually went well. wow... met up wtih angel and yan at tampines after that. another good thing tt happened. it's good to just sit around and chat, m sure there are lotsa things to tok abt. had another sucky meal. what's the point of eating when everything seemed to taste worse than the one before. before we actually could warm our seats, we headed to tj to watch a choir concert. i asked myself, y did i even agree to sue to come, but guessed i didn't regret it after all, it was good. especially the second part, more of entertaining i supposed. but not too bad. after we parted, took bus no, 12 and it took me 10 seconds on the bus to realise i m on the wrong side. so i got off the next stop, climbed the overhead bridge and luckily, bus 12 came soon after. wah, 3 things i ought to be happy abt today.. wah... soo many when there are a thousand things tt i m not happy abt. this sux. alot. came home and mi head really really hurts. m i suffering from sum brain tumour. gosh, just let mi die. this is worse than hell. living is worse. =( y izzit that sum tacky guy think it's appropriate to buy girls mac's hello kitty?? excuse me? hello kitty is worse enough, althought people were crazy over them a few years back but now? mac's hello kitty is worse! what's wrong with guys? do they have hay for brains or something? i've done mean things but i really didn't do it on purpose. didn't noe tt people wld not like it so much. i m sorry. i m sincere, just tired. tired of everything. hate exams. end soon please. and relieve mi from torture. pure hatred. =(

stayed at home the whole day to study econs. gosh, what's with perfect competition and monopoly etc. they are driving mi a little nuts. i tot i studied finish today but suddenly, everything seemed to disappear from my memory, wad's demand and wad's supply?! gosh, m soo stressed... think i m suffering from nervous breakdown. m always like tt. feel the urge of exam only during the last min.. i m sooo nervous.. dun tink i wld do well. =( but i studied!! haik. shall continue studying.. looks like i wun be able to sleep well tonight.

me and her on the train heading towards bugis... sweets...=) 

*smiles* a beautiful day. feeling good, still smiling. took a break from studying and went to watch 2046 with her. it's a very arty farty show but it's good. nice scenes, pretty people to look at and this show makes mi pause and think, ponder, wonder. that stupid ah yan sae i watch this show sure fall asleep one so listen there!! i didn't sleep, k! in fact, i appreciated the show! ahahaha. after the show, me and her went to bugis to eat steamboat, our all time favourite. steamboat taste even better, so much better on rainy and chilly days. kinda not going to meet up after tonight for the whole of next week so that i can concentrate on my studies. m missing her badly... it's a chilly night and i want to be in her arms.
I want to be your angel, to protect you and shield you from things that would harm you. i want to bring you nothing but more smiles and warmth in your life. being with you always makes me the happiest woman alive. to hold your hand, to be in your arms simply bring a smile to my face. and all i want is to be in your arms always... =) i miss you.

am currently sitting in front of the computer at my dearest's house. came over her place at noon, ate a good lunch today and piak, back into my books. she insist i must study or else no dinner for me, so stupid right, like mother like that, but this threaten wun work. she noes it and i noe it too. cos mi dearest wld definitely feed me to the fullest, *smilez* this explains how come i m putting on weight... hmph... after studying for like 2 and a half hours with her sleeping beside me, cldn't take it, marketing tb just doesn't seem as tempting as her so i went to sleep but i studied, k! cannot accuse mi! slept till 6 when she wakes up to go cook dinner for me. this is bliss. i m loving every moment i m spending with her. i love her bed, love her cooking, not cos it's world class food but because she actually took effort to cook for mi and because it's her! everything seems so perfect at this moment. i wun allow anyone to come spoil my heaven. You make me th happiest woman ever. *hugs* =)

my itab is a gone case. I am so going to flunk it! haik, not enough time to tink thru how to do it, didn't complete my chart, didn't complete my formula questions and didn't even touch on macro. wow, wad an achievement yea? m home early today. i was very lazy just now, when i reached tampines mall, i was soo lazy to take a bus home so i decided to ask daddy come pick mi and he did... so sweet of him to make an extra mile to come pick mi. reached home, slacked around then went out for dinner till now. m gonna take a bath soon to freshen myself so that i can officially start studying. gosh, m so full. feel like a pig.. =( i realised how much i loathe sweet talkers. they are just a bunch of people who lie right thru their teeth and bullshit through all the way. so why oh why, there are stupid women in this world willingto fall for them? izzit deprivation or what? i wonder... sch is getting more and more tiring. facing people who annoy me, carefully hiding my feelings away so that no one sees them or hear wad bad things i gotta sae. u never noe when this piece of news wld spread directly to the person's ears. m i just out in this battlefield alone? is this what my life from now is abt? it doesn't seem very attractive but i wld fight, i wld move on~

am counting down to my doom. m in the library now, trying so hard to figure itab out, so hard that I forgot to call my dearest up and so hard, mi head actually hurts. Can't wait to get this over and done with so I can go home and start studying. now, even studies appeal to me more than itab. =( this is the consequences of constantly surfing and blogging during itab lesson, ahaha, excel is soo difficult. What's with the so many functions! IF? AND? OR? COUNTIF? LOOKUP? what the hell are all those manz! i dun care anymore. I wanna pass.. let's hope that I do. I m quite tired, if there's no test later, I wld probably be at home sleeping away like a log but... Mi thighs are aching... my jeans feel soo tight. I am soo fat... ahaha, I sound like sumone who got eating disorders but i dun! when i m with her, how can i have eating disorders.. we eat like pigs.. =) aniway, Happy 38th Monthsary to my Nu Peng You! I miss you alot alot too! can't wait to see you again, promise mi we must meet, k?

balance. take and also not forgetting to give. trust. I spent a beautiful sunday with my dearest. went over in the morning. her mum bought duck rice for us... hmmm, it was not too bad but i dun eat duck skin and duck wings? so tt silly ger sae i picly abt food. >( overall, it's still not too bad, k? we watched a recorded singapore idols cos both of us missed it that dae.. quite disappointing but anyway, it's too late to comment abt anything cos the results are out. m very happy jerry is out.. why is no one doing anything to cover his dark eye rings. not sae i m in any position to comment abt his.. mine's getting worse.. dun even wan to tok abt it but he's on tv!! so he shld do sumthing abt it.. well, he's out.. good ridance. attempted to study accounts after that.. hmmm... did a few chapters but keep falling asleep. was studying in another room so i tot i wld go to baby's room and check out what she's doing. she's sleeping!!! i tried to go back to my books after that, but it's impossible!! so i joined her in bed... good sleep we had.. =) woke up and cooked maggie to eat... it was a good day but i promised her and promised myself that i wld do revision and really spent quality time studying starting frm tmr... with u by my side, everything seems reachable and possible. i bette go do sum planning and start making frens with accounts, econs and marketing... ha =)

alright, just call me a bitch. maybe i m just too much to handle, wad can i say to a bunch of people who haven't grown up. well, welcome to the reality world with bitches and bastards around. learn it this way manz, i m not considered the worst, i can be worse than this. this is nothing. u tink the world full of nice people all around for u? oh pls.. tink twice! and pls, grow up manz. this is really nothing. i can be even harder and more bitter than this. oh gosh, someone kill mi. i hate this world, full of pretense and everyone is so fake! ew! can't take it, leave this world then... leave mi then. no pretend to be so nice in front of mi when u dun mean it. dun test mi patience.. hu do u tink u are. in this world, i wld only tolerate mi person and just too bad, u dun have the honour to be that person. i finally understood when eve said it is actually quite good to be alone at home. i totally understand it liao. i wan to be alone. to be shut in the house. i dun wan to go out. i dun wan to face anyone, anyone at all. dun tok to mi, dun come near mi. i m so ready to kill. fuck it! i hate this world, i really do. it onli makes mi wan to climb even higher and crush everyone under my feet. i m not going to show any merci, cos i really hate this world. fuck!

i m confused to what to do and what not to do. if i m nice, and loosen mi grip, will u stray away from me and betray me? if i tighten the grip, you would most probably leave mi even earlier and hate mi for controlling you. wadever!

it's a beautiful Friday morning. I had a good breakfast. watching a good show. It's gonna be a good day if I were to stay at home and face books. I don't even mind facing books but no, I m going to this kindergarten, a hell to face all those little terrors. They are just going to drive me so mad! gosh.. no mood to blog liao... i just wanna go get it over and done with... =(

depression. looking at my reflection everywhere, my self-esteem gets lower. m seriously getting fatter. i wld never forget how difficult it is for me to get out of my shell, but feel that i m crawling back in slowly again. i miss my friends. all of them. i feel like i m out in the open world and m getting hurt and just suffering from the cruelity of the outside world, i just wanna run into the arms of my frens, with them telling me everything wld be fine. with them patting on my back and telling me it wld be okie... bad times wld be over. thinking about them now actually brings tears to my eyes. how i wan to meet up with them now, right at this moment, but no, time tells mi i gotta do sum serious studying. there are two types of people. one put worries aside and leave to fate and one bring worries in and hoping to change their fate... sad to say, i belong to the second one... hmmm, nothing else is more impt now than studying... after exams can meet mi frens liao.. i really really miss you guys alot...

Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends, it only reminds us Life is not perfect without a friend.

m having a very bad time. m growing fatter and fatter each day and my skin is getting dryer and dryer. looking more and more haggard like a freaking drug addict. m not appealing.. lost mi appeal and charm... ahaha, not sae i have alot to begin with. now, even worse, hu the hell would look at mi! gosh!!! dun feel good... =( went to school todae for stats and marketing. last stats tutorial, we had an open book online ca... scored a 100 for it.. good, at least that's a confirmed 5 marks for me. after that tragedy of failing mi first ca. not good in sch. wad's wrong with people. if u are not happy with thigs, jusr spill it out, why cause people to think and ponder, wonder what in da hell did they do wrong. moods were dampened. people can't stop thinking, they just think and not talk at all... it makes things awkward. maybe i m not in da situation.. tt's why i can sae things soo easily now, but what is actually wrong?i dunno and i dun have the time to go ponder these things now. tot todae is da last marketing lecture but no, she had to drop a big and fat bomb that got all of us soo pissed off with her... we have to wake up early thurs morn to go attend her lecture on wad? direct marketing... freak... had organ lesson todae, like after a long long time... went to eat dinner with dad.. and came back and do mi powerpoint, wanted to make it pretty, but i guess it's not pretty... i put in da effort... i dunno wad else can i do about it liao.... haik.. =( gotta go type out mi notes already. time for some mini revision.

the feeling is coming back and I don't like it one little bit. you won't like it too. what the hell is wrong with me!? i should have known, I should have known. things were just not tt beautiful and it never will be. I m back to square one.. leona, walk on.. please walk on and move on!!! and stop deceiving yourself... everything is soo fucked up. =(

yummy tom yam steamboat 

woah, damn tired todae. came back, my feet hurts like hell and i feel sooo hot and oily. i went to take a bath and intending to take a short nap. but yan called. anyway, m glad i pick up da fone. girl, take it easy, k? i understand how u feel yet on the other hand, i hafta stay neutral to be a better judge of the situation. anyway, wld keep u in my prayers, meanwhile, take care and study hard. anyway, had a very good and relaxing sundae with dearest yesterday. watched many vcds, took a mini nap and went tbp. we intended to eat thai express or sakae, however, we found this rajainn or sumthing like tt... cannot remember the exact name.. it was a pleasant surprise and she loved the food dere. it's very economical too.. we are gonna go back dere sooon.. met jean yesterdae.. and ya, the tom yum is fantastic!! yummy!! ahhaa, drank coffee bean and wate da cake after tt... woah.. full manz.. but it feels good.. i like this type of sunday.. =) i better got offline sooon.. she's waiting for mi to call. anyway.. i can't stand cel***e's new stead... ewwww... yuck!!!! m sure amelia wld agree with mi... right??

monday blues. tired. feet hurts. sucky shoe. it looks good but the owner doesn't feel good. new shoes. =( formal presentation this morning. i was so nervous that i couldn't balance, mi leg was shaking but luckily, no one saw, so it's a secret... shhhh... got back accounts. was expecting to fail but i didn't. however, i dun feel satisfied cos i dun really understood wad i wrote or wad i did in da papers. none of the things i wrote is in my memory, where has it gone? =( itab, realised i have been doin relatively well in itab, surprisingly... if i were to flunk mi excel next week, it wld be rather wasted yea? gosh, m hungry.. mi feet hurts.. shld i go changi airport or go back face mi mum.. sumhow, the first option seem more appealing... i hate excel.... i hate school, i wan my bed... ahaha, this is really monday blues. next mon good luck... i need lots of it....

woah, have been a busy week. not busy studying though, busy with everything else but my studies. but this happy week is gonna come to an end, i gotta start studying big time cos mi exams are coming in less than 3 weeks!!! went town twice this week with eve, shopped till mi legs gonna break, we practically walked the whole of town and into every shop available trying soo hard to find her something decent to wear for our formal presentation. it was fun.. but my feet hurt soo much and mi head hurts soo much that i skipped half the dae of lesson todae. i only went after da break. was feeling super super lazy this morning... didn't have da energy to wake up at all. have been very happy this week... this is something good and i want to keep it this way. however, yan doesn't seem to be doing good over her tt side... i can see the bitch of her class is really pushing her to the limits. i wan to be dere for yan but i can't and dere's pretty much nothing i can do... tt bitch!! bully mi fren.. wait till i find out hu is she.. m gonna make her life miserable... hmmm, doens't sound like wad i wld do but i can't stand it, her pushing yan to her limits.. grrr.. she make mi sooo mad... freak her lah... next week gonna be a good week. but before that, m looking forward to this weekend.. m going sentosa... and gonna spend time with my frens... =) lalala, last weekend of enjoyment before hardcore studying.. god has been nice to me so it's time for mi to put in da effort.. =)

not meeting up as often and not calling you up as often doesn't mean i ve changed or that my love has changed. i've seen things in a different way and it makes mi really happy. i hope u see things in my way too. go do whatever u like and i will always be here for you. u can count on that, really. i miss you.. truly miss you.

sweet and cosy 

my eye bag is getting worse!! even the most expensive or branded concealer won't be able to save mi! how!!?? already not so very pretty liao now with all the drak rings, look even more haggard, no wonder no one dotes on me anymore... haik.... another very ordinary day. m starting to get cik of things in school. everything is soo lifeless and still. supposedly to have oragn lesson todae but my teacher msged mi and tell me her car bumper spoil and she's sending it for repair so she can't cum. den came home, intendin to sit down and watch my 13 goin 30 but chinfang called and asked mi out. m really lazy to go all da way to bugis so i got her to come to tampines instead and she really came! so i went to shop with her for her fren's bdae present... and den we bought dinner and came back and watch 13 goin 30 together. everything is so monotonous. something has been on my head since few days ago, just can't seem to simmer down. i m pissed off, i really m.... >( freak lah. i dun wanna do the thinking anymore. no one cares and bothers anyway... wtf! i m sooo thirsty..... =(

i am suffering from a very serious disease--- tiredness. this is a very bad disease cos the disease doesn't come in the night, doesn't come in the day, but it only comes in da morning when i m trying so hard to pay attention to my tutor. pon itab todae to go town with evelyn. that girl ar, had such a hard time lookin for her formal wear... and i had such a hard time looking for my shoes.... =( mi thorat hurts, have been hurting since last week.... sooo uncomfy. aniwae, we walked and walked until our legs almost gave way, it was very very tiring! den we went centrepoint's macs to eat ice cream. she gotta go and cf came to meet mi after that, we were doing sum catching up and ys called mi to sae she wannt meet so she also came along to meet us. it's very rare of her to call mi and wld actually meet mi so i tink sumthing's wrong and i m rite. she's being "bullied" in class.. haik... what's wrong with these pple? bully my girl... hmph!!! ys is someone that one has to take da effort to noe her better and then to find her inner self and tt's what i like abt her.... her inner self.... sum pple just can't appreciate it.. cheer up girl, u still have us.... my throat really hurts... voice abit change already.... *cough cough*

happiness is not something that is within my reach. it takes time, effort and patience before i can get my happiness. one has to go through many emotions before she can get happiness. if mine was a smooth sail, there wun be as much things to look forward to already, yea?

woah, wad a weekend for me. first, it was disgusting accounts paper and then i went all the way to toa payoh with the intention of going out with mi cousin only to find her still in bed. pos... she ar, sooo long liao, still haven't change. from young, i always got difficulty waking her up and i still have that problem now too. waited one hr for her to wake up, den after she wake up, she darg and drag time... and den both of us just lie on da bed after lunch, with her giving the excuse, too full, she can't bathe and den both of us started toking. it feels really really good. really miss those daes with her... where we got soo much to sae and i also miss jie too. when she finally got up to go bathe, it was already close to evening time. we went mustafa a while den went town to sit around and drink coffee... everything feels realli realli goood. =) went to watch white chix, midnight movie.. it is a damn funny show!!! i love it!!! lalala and it was a wise decision to watch at cine. can u imagine we watch at great world? ahahhaa, anyway, singaporeans realli got no life, saturday, half of singapore seemed to be in town, it was disgustingly crowded, even after the movie... gosh! sundae, went to a car showroom... cool... first time dere and i learned alot and it realli inspire mi to wan to get a licience asap so i can drive! and den went town to shop shop. i m tinking of getting another line for mi sumsung fone.. hmmmm.. must start to do sum calculation.... bought mi fomal wear already.. cost mi near to 90 bucks manz... and mum is so nice, she's gonna sponser mi another 50 bucks to get mi shoes... lalala... =) better go sleep, tmr gotta go sch early...

even when ur skies are grey, i hope to be da rainbow that wld shine through. be nicer to yourself or rather, shld i sae, dun tink so much at the moment and enjoy whatever u have now to the fullest. i feel that that's more impt and to pursue ur dreams and ambitions while i pursue mine too, knowing that we wld be there for each other.

happy childrens' dae!!! spent the whole day at home todae, it was a rather frutiful day, at least those guys didn't want to play mahjong straight when dey reach my house, we did quality studying den we set our butt down and play mahjong. we played till evelyn came and den we took turn to play. with one person doing his stuff. at this point, mi head got very pain.. and i felt very sticky all over, maybe cos i didn't bathe the whole dae so i got up and watched the results of Singapore Idols... oh.. talking about that, i m soooo pissed off!!! jeassea is out!!! i expected beverly to be out and i thought jerry would be out but no, it was jeassea!! why!! it's soo unfair!!!! i want to complain!!!! must write in, wad's wrong with singaporeans? dey got no eyes or no ears? grrr... sooo unfair, just because she's not a singaporean and she has very little fans? soo unfair!=( haik, gotta go bathe.. and sleep. thnx guys for staying until quite late to accompany me, i really needed that.. thnx!

a brand new month, brand new day and a brand new start. keep telling myself that. to block off sumone from your head is not easy when everything I do keep reminding mi of her but i m strong, i will try, even if i can't, i wld still hold on and try to do so cos that's da best option i have in front of mi.