HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMELIA!!! ahaha, finally 17 liao le. i bet u waited damn long for this day right, keep counting down. mi darling 9 years friend... though haven't been keeping in touch much, i really hope u wld believe me when i sae u are always in my prayers and thoughts. so on your birthday, i made a few wishes too. i hope you wld stay happy always. it's always your crankiness and lameness that wld cheer mi up on my most down dae. hmmm, wad's with my english manz but aniwae, do stay like this cos i love this amelia that i noe. my strength and mi source of happiness, with a fren like you, i've got nothing much to ask for. i noe u wld always be dere for mi whenever anythinn happens to me yea.. u better sae yes... or else, no ten years for us!! no anniversary!! lalalala. doesn't mean i only like the cheery u... i like every other part of you too. i prayed for your studies as well, good luck... and hmmmm, i pray that u wld be mi fren for always.... we still must go learn driving together yea? =) lastly, hope u've enjoyed urself todae... wld make up for not being able to spend this day with u... and take lotsa care... u are being loved and missed by mi... =)

Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

After all...
After all...

what's happening to everyone around me? nothing feels the same anymore. maybe i shld just stop thinking... it's not doin me any good. y bother abt the future? i wasn't so bothered in da past and i was happy, so y not now? if loving u makes mi can't see what's ahead and wad's beside me, i m already long blind... if u wanna sae it, just do, y hide? i m facing alot of issues right at this point. not only do i hafta face u, i've got other people to face as wel, other annoying people... why can't people be honest... if they got sumthing to ask, just do it.. if they got sumthing to sae, just sae it.... i tink i noe wad to do already. since i m not getting it, i dun wanna try animore.. make miself so damn freaking miserable.. no point.... things wear out... get thinner... pretence and lies.... cheating and betrayal..... rough time.... i actualli miss last year... where mi onli obstacle was o levels. it may be tough but it was harmless. i have enemies everywhere, i dunno hu to trust. only child since young.. being with sumone helps alot.... playmate, frens.. without them, i wld be lonely, since when was it that loneliness is eating into me bit by bit.. bit by bit... till da dae i die.... i dun trust anymore.. i dunno how to... if i were to continue this step into mu career. tink i wld die. i m just not cut out for it. maybe i realli do belong sumwhere... but i wanna be strong... i wanna be strong... no more tears for mi.. cos a tough one never cries.. wad cld be worse than having no money and no trust.... nothing... nothing at all... freaking bad dae... freaking bad mood

I no longer know what's the truth and what's not. I rather be naive and take words for what they are. I don't want to think anymore because the more I think, the more it hurts. Guess this is just the cycle of life. God gave you the happiest moments that one can ever imagine and then in return, he must bring you the most unhappiest moments too. When can I ever get out of this phrase of my life? It's too much, too terrible to think. I've talked to peopl around me. I've heard different opinions but I've yet to hear what my heart wants to say and what it wants. I am just running away from what I need to face. I am a coward and everyone knows that. I don't want the truth anymore. I am just leading my life in a blur now... in a daze, in a haze...

i've thought it over. possession is not everything. to overcome loneliness and to maintain situation is difficult but there are people who can do it, i am sure. the difference between us is getting more and more clear and the time i'm getting inured is getting more and more, deeper and deeper each time. our objectives are different and it's clearly shown. i can't get u over my side and i m trying too hard to get over to ur side till i neglected things which are more important at this point of time. sumtimes i wonder, wad i want is really simple, can't u even do it for me... i guess tt's where the wound gets deeper from. different view, different mindsets, different goals and different lifes. it is difficult to cross a wide vally, the first step to take is alwasy very hesistating, whether to or not and this is where one gets hurt but once over the big valley, things wld be more in place, at ease. once this stage is over, i would be fine. i haven't grew from then till now. i thought i have and like usual, i m always wrong. when can i make a judgement on my own that's right... the judgement day is not here yet, might never come. sumtimes, i go to extreme just to avoid human. human are so scary. they warm your hearts as fast qas they cold it. they are two-faced and they tok behind u. they hide things from u and tell of u to others? maybe it's wrong of me to make that decision i did 2 years ago, wondering if i continue to be wad i was in da past, maybe life wld be better, at least i wun get hurt so easily if i dun open up as much. life is a miracle but to put human in life is a mistake. they spoil ur life as fast as they create happiness. i tot i was living in bliss, boy was i so wrong. why m i always wrong. god created mi to judge wrongly and make mistakes one after another? when would i learn. u are no different from the rest. at the end of the day, u are just like the rest. i like opening new books, but i can't finish the main content den i wld jump to ending cos ending is always good... or so i thought. i like new beginnings and maybe i should give miself one and tt's where i wld finally grow up. new beginnings= new me. no point being nice, no one appreciates cos human are just so ugly in nature... new beginnings= new life.

when i was young, i read fairy tales and learn of happily ever after. now, when i grew up, realised that in reality, there's no such thing as happily ever after. i tot things were perfect, i tot everything was painted beautifully, i tot this i tot that, well, i was wrong. the harsh reality slapped me right into my face and tell mi i m wrong. there's no beautiful picture now, no beautiful picture in da future... nothing is ever lasting. i was naive, i m young. all of the dreams i had have to be stored away, i dun wanna lie to miself animore, i wanna be truthful.. wake up to reality. it was dere all the while, right in front of mi, i chose to ignore it and followed devil to hell. i've got my retribution. a big one. it's mi fualt aniwae, being inquisitive. i never learn, i tot i cld make things better, i tot i was an angel.. at the end of the day, i m still a devil follower. after all, there are no such thing as hppily ever after.

just finished my econs assesment and copying of accounts notes. wad m i doing online so late and not toking to my baby, well, simply cos she went clubbing. ahaha, aniwae, handed in fom project todae, finally. cum to tink of it, wad's the pt of saying dun tink we wld do well after we hand in our project? funny, if u ve tot abt it, u shld have put in effort right from the start rite?
>( aniwae, it was a short dae for mi, ending at 12 and after that, we had CD discussion, woah, surprisingly, we can produce sum stuff, guess cos there's dal. she keeps pushing us to tink and continue producing ideas and skeleton... which is good.. dun even wan to tok abt the pple in my group, quite dl tinking abt them. met baby after project discussion, was realli happy to see her, as she really brightens up my dae as usual... ahahha, but due to the hot weather, our moods were quite dampened. tot of taking a nap or rest when we reach her place after we eat but sumhow, sms keep coming in, fone keep ringing... it was rather annoying, k! so we decided to go for a jog, as planned mths ago i guess. so ya, todae, i finally ran 6 rounds!! woah!!! i can still run, i m surprised!! lalala, but after running 3 rounds, i started having a really bad tummy till at the end of 6 rounds, summore with a sprint, i was rushing for toilet already. ouch.... it felt food tho... after the jog, went home, get changed and baby went to meet her frens so i followed... ate laksa pasta... goood... but guess i wasn't feeling my normal appetite, not feeling good after the run... too long never run is like tt wan..., didn't realli eat alot.. tt's y soooooo hungry now!!!! gosh....wld go pack mi file a little and go sleep.. damn tired!!! but a nice dae.. miss my darling lots...

yesterday was a very busy day with all the last min things to do for my fom project. went back then realise i can't print cos i send the wrong copy to my email, ahaha. aniwae, m glad everything's done out and ready to be handed in tmr. m quite proud of miself yea? lalala... everyone is busy studying now. amelia is studying for her exams, and so is charmaine, yansing gotta rush out many projects and many many tests coming up such as the econs test this coming sat... stressed.... wad m i gonna do manz... hafta start reading up den can ask jed if i need help. sumtimes i wonder why are human hearts so strong and cold, yet sum can be so fragile and weak... aniwae, gotta go play pool with baby... she ar, taking DAMN long!!!

i m not feeling good. my right eye hurts and mi throat hurts. i have to stay back after school to brush up last minute staff for my fom project, dun feel like having any other members around except evelyn. dun feel like toking to anyone, class treasurer owes me ten bucks, people are getting on my nerves more and more and sum people are simply turning me off. wad's school all abt? where's enjoyment? where's life? wad's wrong with me? can't bring myself to smile , m having a very bad nervous breakdown, m a peniless and worthless girl. gosh, m realli gonna break down. i dun like waking up soo early to school todae, so i pon the first lesson. i feel soo drained out and tired... haven't had a proper rest, yet home is not the best place or most ideal place i wanna be cos of a monster at home, adding on to mi stress level, gosh, sumone save me? wad's wrong with me? econs test this sat.... haik, accounts sux.. haik, everything is soooo down, mi immune system is down too, feel that m gonna fall sick any min, any second, just take me away.... take me far away..... =( soobzz i guess da only good thing now is that i finally understand wad's going on in IT lesson, should i be happy?? but i m not.. =(

the dae i was dreading is finally over... m very happy that at least i got the whole FOM project done. =) lalala... got rather pissed off with them in da morning that i actualli lost my appetite.. it's been such a long time since i lost my appetite... wadever it is, i dun even feel like mentioning, i m just gald that i finally got it done. now just left the powerpoint presentation that needs a little more brushing up to do.. =) yay, tmr is finally darling's off dae... and she's gonna cut her hair early in da morning... tinking whether should i go with her, but hafta wake up rather early, considering i haven't slept well for these two daes.. will decide later, gotta go type my notes... this whole week is a busy busy week... gotta enjoy miself tmr manz! aniwae, happy 37th monthsary to xiuxiu!!! =) smilez and i love ya always!

can't even sleep in on my no sch day, very tiring for me wan leh and i get damn grumpy and grouchy if tt's the case. eve cam my hse early this morning to tink of dance steps for the kindergarden thingy and those two guys dunno cum for wad also.. haik, nothing much was accomplised.. tink the dance steps we came up with not very good.. gotta retink... kindergarden really sux big time todae.. or maybe it's just me.. lack of sleep and impatient... tink i ve been really scary todae to the kids.. shouting at them.. but they were realli nautti and noisy.... dun wanna have kids..... they are sooo ANNOYING!!!! anyway when i came home, ate cup noodles and fell asleep immediately... didn't wake up until angel called mi.. tt gurl ar... finally called... she supposed to call mi on tues one leh... she's soo late.. by 3 daes!! ahahhaa.. m not looking forward to tmr... soo sian!!

it's a cold cold dae. forgot to bring my jacket out in da morning and i end up freezing da whole dae.. =( auditoriums are cold.... it was raining cats and dogs... and it was sooo sooo cold... i feel fat... dun like this type of feeling.. make mi very inferior of miself. i experienced this type of feeling in the past... totally no confidence of miself... dun wish to go thru it once more... sumone pls tell mi i look ok?? need lotsa reassurance manz. =( supposedly to finish sch at 5 but my classmates are sooo good at bargaining with mi econs lecturer that he let us off earli at 4... shiok... tot i can rush down to baby's work place and hang ard for a while... however, situations do happen so i ended up wondering arond alone in Bugis and walked over to Raffles Link. called chin fang.. and that darling fren of mine... rushed to meet mi and keep mi company.. this fren ar.. i realli got nothing to sae.... =) it was realli realli nice for her to do so.... =) ahahaha, after that, waited for baby to finish work. cf left and we me and baby went to bugis and eat, our all time fav.. i ate soo much todae.. i feel fat!!! gosh.. sumone help mi!!!! aniwae... miss mi baby alot, tho i just ate dinner with her... she ar, so busy downloading songs.. playin pool with her online.. i miss her... =/

got back my report for CD, got a C, haik, can't really believe it. all of us put in da effort to do this reprt, especially evelyn so i noe she's rather disappointed. once again, i hafta stress, poly life ain't fun at all, in year one , already rather stressed up with so many projects for different modules. i dun really noe what's co-operation. haven't seen my grp members and i op-operating. even organising a class outing, we are not even united. we may appear to be... but actually, we are not. year 3's gonna be much tougher, with a year long project.. and what's more with people u might not even noe... i m sooo anti-social.. no CCAs, no proper life.. haik... aniwae, at baby's house once again.. this place ar, becoming more and more like my second home. ahahha, she's cooking a meal for mi.. =) lalala, such a sweetie.. =) better go eat liao, it's ready and she's nagging

yet another tiring day at school. told myself cannot fall asleep in accounts lesson but my head got heavier and heavier during the last 15 minutes of the lesson... got back my stats paper today, i failed. it's rather discouraging. though i dun think i would do well for this paper, but i didn't expect to fail and seeing it is even more discouraging. seeing everyone rushing their project got me a little worried. we have many projects that are gonna due soon, especially fom project... due next wed. wad i m gonna do? well at least i got started on my ec project already, m 2/3 done. quite proud of miself. didn't eat much todae, ate a plate of hor fun in lunch until now, tinking whether should i go cook noodles, but m rather lazy you see. school is not fun, nothing is what i expected. =( angel sae she would call mi todae, but she didn't... why ar? everyone's coming my house to do project on saturday, everyone's coming my house to do their own project, some not even related to me, my house ar, become like a project house liao. meeting dear tmr... haven't met her for two daes...

as usual, once the sch term starts and at this particular time, i wld be in sch, attending IT lesson. i really dun understand a shit about microsoft excel. who would have tot that microsoft excel would be so chim? still tinking alot about us these days. m pushing things behind so that i can focus on more important things now. take things as it comes.. why bother to worry soo much yea... just a sense of loneliness i feel in mi... maybe it's pms... =/ i dunno... and i dun wanna tink too much... haik.. someone drop mi a line.... miss those times when we have plenty of time to chat and chat.. from morning to afternoon.. after lunch to dinner.. dinner to supper... where do we get the time from manz.... we are sll soo busy in our own lives now.... i hope none of u guys would forget mi.. cos without u guys.. dere wun be the me now... =/

mi computer is finally fixed. can blog now again. lost all my data from the computer, haik, but nvm, at least i can use the net now and tt's what matters. new com, new start. tomorrow, new term, new start. it's time to pick up all the pieces that were left scattered or blocked by other factors to start anew again. i've learnt... or rather, i've had the taste of what it is like now so no more repeating of mistakes and no more looking back. i've to pick up where i've left off and start anew. i like to put a full stop to things and start another paragraph new. hopefully, i wun progress and learnt more new things. after all this while, i realised that actually, loneliness is getting more and more scary. i've yet to learn how to deal with it in a more mature way, but i will learn. i've got to. no one is gonna stop their pace of life to wait for mi to take da first steps out. everyone has their own lifes and tt's how things are. i've got to learn. kk, feel much better. todae, hit mi head twice. once at brandon's hse when i tot there was a pillow behind mi and i hit mi head against the wall. and da second time was when i was trying to get on the cab and i hit mi head HARD against the top of cab. painz... i already rather dumb liao and to make matters worse, i m hitting my head again and again. yesterday, i hit my head too, at baby's hse.. wad's wrong with mi? my computer seemed soo bare. must go do sumthing abt it.. but not tonite.. m tired.. tmr gotta wake up at 6.. yawnz!!! m getting fatter. many pple are commenting abt that....=( how.. this can't go on... i better start exercising.... can't fir in many clothes.. no money to buy new ones.... look like a big fat pig now.. feel like one too.

here i m at my darling baby's hse again. =) did mi fom project draft yesterday. feels good to finally get something done... ahaha. kk... happy bdae to yansing yesterday. we went out to celebrate with her. went cafe cartel. food is not too bad there. next time must ask baby go eat with mi den we can eat more. aniwae, met up with charmaine, winnie, angel and xinying!!! ahaha, finally saw xinying after such a longgg time.. boy, do i miss her. she haven't change at all yet, still forever teasing about by b******. ahaha, m sure u guys noe wad izzit. in the later part of the day, we went coffee bean to sit down and chat chat abit. got a little affected by what yansing said.. but guess, sum things are just different. not everything can be compared... after that, came baby's hse first and start abit on mi report, while waiting for her.. her mum and dad are nice to mi.. =) initially, darling and i wanted to go take a morning walk in da moring.. but guess asusual, we are not determined enough, ahaha. slept till 12, and we went bugis temple to pray.. hang ard in bugis for a while, den came back home to rest. time seems to fly when i m with her, and we get very lazy too.. whenever i m with her, i always feel like spending da rest of mi life like this too... i wonder how it wld be like 2 years later... suddenly feel like playing monopoly!! how??? ahahha, we are ordering pizza later.. yummy... kk, better stop bloggin liao, baby's watching tv alone in the other room... =)

m at baby's house now. doin a little for mi fom project. this fom project ar, is killin me. mi members ar, dun seem particularly enthu abt it. it seemed as if i m the only one worrying about it leh. aniwae, luckily i have mi baby, she's helping mi quite alot in the project. thnx darling. aniwae, went out with xiuwen todae and cf met up with us last miunte. supposedly to have only the two of us, romantic abit den cf, always being the third party popped out. ahaha, actually, i invited her along. gave xiuwen a treat to make up for her bdae. treated her to long johns and haagen daz, ahahha, hope she's fine with it. wanted to bring her go eat sumthing else one.. but m on low budget.. =( m rather broke now.. dunno y.. and look at da date... haik... kk.. better go do mi project or else tt big baby of mine will nag.. ahahha

hello everybody! the holidays are finally here. after 9 weeks of torture in school... m finally gonna take a break. actually, it wun be much of a break, cos i've got lotsa homework to catch up with, lotsa gathering... and lotsa project deadlines coming up. woah.. so here i m at baby's hse taking my break, enjoying my beautiful sundae... and after tomorrow.. it wld be events after events.. lotsa things coming up.. and before i knew it.. next sundae wld be here.. one week wld pass damn fast.. and i noe it. i miss all mi classmates suddenly... i miss my ah boon... i miss angel.. i miss xin ying.. and many many more... hmm.. as for cf.. see her quite often.. sooo.. ahahha.. i wun be mean.. soo chin fang, i miss u too!! and also not forgetting my 9 yrs fren, amelia, i miss u alot.. thnx for dropping a msg as and when... m realli happy u did that, i m fine... and hope u are too!!! aniwae.... m leading a very happy and blissed life. mi darling boy just dropped mi the biggest bomb.. it's a good one.. m realli happy... sense of belonging.. ahahahha, she's soo sweet... =) i've never been happier... ahahhaha.. =) can't stop smiling.. aniwae.. hope to see u guys soon.. i noe we wld.. =)