woke up early in the morning to do homework. feel so unprepared. dun even know how am i going to take the paper on the 28th. i want to do well. but issit possible with so little time on hand. of course, i know it's all down to time management. yes, time management.

was watching tv this morning. everytime i come across shows losing loved ones, i always feel a pain in my chest. and i cannot help but tear. i have not experienced really losing a loved one yet but yet, i can feel the pain in me already. what's going to happen when i really do? the pain would be ten times as painful, ten times as excruciating, i bet. looking at such stuff, i feel that feelings of jealousy, insecurity and anger seemed so small in comparison. they seemed so minor. they seemed so unimportant. why bother to let jealousy get in your way or insecurity sour the relationship and even anger cloud your vision or make you say things you dun mean it. when all these negativity will go only cause u to hurt ur loved ones when they are still living. what's going to happen when the leave us? won't jealousy, insecurity and anger just makes u regret that u did not love them more, u did not appreciate them and that's when tears wun even revive them and that all that could be done is left as a regret.

so when they are still living and categorised as loved ones, we love them like they should be love, tell them how much we appreciate them, let them know u care and that u treasure what kind of r/s u guys are sharing. cos there might never be a tmr or next time. what's important is always now.

ever since quite some time ago, trust is something i find it hard to have. and i know trust is a rather important thing as a person who wants to communicate better with people around. and this problem is always getting in my way, always letting people misinterpret, misunderstand me. and most importantly, hurt those around me. but would my trust be broken again? i dunno if i can ever take anotehr blow. but i guess in life, we're always taking the risks, aren't we?

but i'm still scared i guess. ultimately, i'm still the small little me inside.

was watching another show. it says about i modern days, divorce cases is getting more and more. okok.. we all noe it's the norm. but they question, issit cos temptations outside is increasing? or issit cos there's not much understanding of each other before they enter marraige, issit the lack of communications? what exactly it is? will i ever get answer. sometimes, trying to build relationships between people can be tough. cos wad's right or wad's wrong is not decided by only one party.

hahaha.. random thoughts from watching too much tv. got to go get ready for classes and shopping later!