so much in me that words can no longer express my thoughts anymore. if i were to pen them down, i would be boring every reader that stops by.

i believe that only true friends tell you things that even you yourself cannot see and i'm glad that everytime i got devoured into the darkness, i've friends at the edge reminding me who i am. thanks guys.

i've forgotten when i've lost that touch of it. was it because of the cruelty that people call life or is it just me. what i clearly know is that i don't want to live this way anymore. she's right. sincerity is what others should be treated with. no one likes to live in a made up world, no ones like to be treated with fakeness.

i don't want to lose that glow that i have. i want to resume my dream. that little spark tt others call silly in the past. so wad if it's not practical but at least i noe i will be happy doing it. so this should be it-- move one. everyone needs to dream about the impossible. this is the only thing that keeps one soul alive. i dun wan to own an empty shell. and now i do see the path ahead of me.

ya. this should be it. this is wad life is about. i dun want to be beaten by the saturn and devils who always tempt me into their world. sometimes, i succumb to all the internal weakness and allow them to do so. i know what's important. even if i have to swallow everything by myself, i want to own that beautiful dream. i'm ambitious. i knoe it. i like it.

the nerd and the rebellious 

once again, i wish to stress the word responsibility again. not a big word but one tt carries alot of meaning to me. maybe in singapore, we dun readily accept responsibility. people still needs to take the initiative and not always expect that of others. if i don't do it, does it mean no one will? come on.. no one is indispensible. don't make me feel this way. i'm not even asking too much am i, just take pride in our work. does the word belonginess and ours mean anything to anyone anymore. is ok to be laden with work and all but it also feels good to know that there are people by ur side. the load weighs down much more when one becomes an independent party.

maybe u're right. anger has to be curbed but i've already gone beyond wanting to flare up to total feign ignorance. tt's the worst case i tell u. do not test one's calm water. ripples form and storm follows...

come on. i'm surviving on a very thin thread now. so thin that it can be snapped so easily. quit stepping on my toes.

sunflowers from my girlfriends~!! notice a little champagne rose in the middle? that's from my nu peng you. =) 

flowers from xm for my bdae! ~sweets~ 

every 18th of the month is special to me one way or another. a simple message shows care even though little contact is being made. a little message can brighten up my day and brings a smile to me.

so tt's wad makes every 18 august even more special! i would like to tell boon boon... HAPPY 4TH ANNIVERSARY! we've made it this far and i promise you that we will make this last forever. ur call last night made me realise how precious and dear you are to me. one phone call and i've regained all lost energy. you really really brighten up my day. i'm glad i have u by my side and i want u to be by my side as long as it goes. until u meet ur macho man also cannot abandon me! words no longer can express how important you are but it just tooka phone call to remind me all that. regardless whatever it is, i love you! please... stay happy for me. i want a bright and cheery girlfriend noe! ahhhahha... good luck for prelims and everything else.. dun be so stressed too, k... and lastly once again.. love u to bits!

reading angel's blog.. i always wonder why she got so much to sae de. ahhha.. but it's also good in a way for readers like me. helps to keep me updated about her life. like she went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory!!! hmph...

this weekend i would say is a rather fruitful one. at least i did wad i planned to do during the weekends and got tuff under control. i dunno why but sundays are always lazing days for me. i can spend the whole day glued to the tv set and furthermore, with the upgrade of my scv.... i've like so many channels to choose from every hour of the day. however, on the other hand, it's always sundays where my mind starts to wonder far. i only noe how to tell yan to put things down, move ahead and all those stuff... but guess when it comes to myself, it's pretty much the same situation she's in.

but no worries, cos i'm strong and she is too. in the past, i would love to be dependent. having someone to look out for me. take care of me when i'm sick, worry for me etc. but no, i want very much to be independent. dunno if i'm there yet or not. cos recently when i told someone tt i'm strong and independent, the person actually told me otherwise... but i really feel i am. or rather, i'm there le.

angel saes she wanna be bridesmaid... lol.. and she's blmaing me cos i'm not getting married at 18 like wad i said i would. i even told them tt i'll have a baby each for them to be god mamas of... those were the days mans. how practical things are. it would take me a long while to find my pillar of strength once again.

friends are there when i need them and i noe they will. but i'm still the only one going through the emotional struggle. how much u guys sae u understand, and i noe u guys do, i'm still the one facing my own problems so ya... i'll be able to settle the problems... no worries. dun get me wrong but i appreciate the presence of u guys. supporting me all the way. =)

nothing feels as good as having tasks accomplished. many things to check off my list, both material wise and sch work wise. i'm officially flat broke! but i have a debtor. however, would not receive the money until next week. hmph. scrimping and saving is what i would have to do for this coming week.

some guy i know can really be such a bastard. i don't want to use this word but he really is. how can such words even come out of his mouth and accuse a poor innocent girl who still believes that making peace is the option. gosh... giving him too much benefits is not the option, girl. i know u're nice but some people ar, have to do things the hard way.

sakae-d with chin at funan today. when i was walking around that place before she came, memories just flood in. i dun wanna stop them intentionally but it does leaves me with a sad smile. those morning breakfasts at macs, breaks at the stairs and many many more. some things haven't changed, like the smell of funan and the anderson ice cream tt greets u at the entrance. however, many other things have changed, like the shops and of course, people. oh well..

this weekend better be a fruitful one, like getting my router! ahhha. am tired. shall go catch my sleep.

one surprise after another. i would say they are not pleasant ones. damn.

what happened to privacy and the most basic thing- trust?

who can blame me when i find it hard to trust anymore now. people let me down in one way or another wad.

wadever.

i'm not afriad of being in love or love itself.
i'm afraid of the hurt and pain that comes with it.

if only every month is august... life would be so good then.

went to look around for laptops today with mum. good luck was bestowed on me. the salespersons we met today are all not too bad looking guys. friendly also. my silly mother ar, purposely one. go ask them for their names. i know she did it on purpose. when we came home, she was like telling me.. err.. that one not bad hor.. tall and handsome.. gosh. take one of their namecards also... lol

i'm tired. very tired. haven't been sleeping well. done up crm finally. it's gonna be a long week ahead. thank god for my country's birthday. =)

am i really that slow or what. i always thought i'm sensitive enough but how can i fail to notice the feelings that's still around after quite some time. besides truly appreciating from the bottom of my heart, wad else can i do. i wish i had a better solution to this. it shouldn't feel like a problem and definitely not a burden but my heart really feels like lead at this point of time. it's ironic but i want to be loved at the same time not. but nonetheless, i thank you. thanks for telling me everything. really.

i'm totally into mini cornettos. they are soo puny. tiny they are to my hands and appetite that i could gobble up one whole box of 12. -loves-

the weekends are here again. one thing why i like the weekends is because i can work till the wee hours and not worry about not having enough sleep the next day. tt's wad i'm gonna do tonight because i've taken a nap in the afternoon, something tt's against my principles. but oh wells...

sometimes, being the bad guy is the hardest role in the whole play. the internal turmoil eventualy evolves into confusion and pain. torn between the right and the wrong, with everyone pointing fingers at you and accusing you. without the least bit of undersatnding in them. on the other hand, the good guy is not a easy role too. human nature states that good people would be taken advantage of and trampled all over. so wad does tt leaves us with? being the audience. they just watch as events in life unfold slowly one after another, with occasional comments. they are simple and plain. tt's totally not me and not who i want to be.

it's a tough job to educate and bring up a child. how do u teach them to differentiate what's wrong and right. how do you make them learn yet at the same time, not appear to be too opinonated. and when they are wrong, how do u lead them back to the correct path and let them knoe you're helping them. and... who are parents to judge wad's wrong and right. they're also learning life at the same time their kids are. the only diff would be they're taken more steps than their children in life. parents forgive their children but who's to forgive them when they make the mistake. it take mutual understanding. totally not easy. nonetheless, we learn. challenges are wad makes life worth living for.

a day where lots of past memories flood my mind.

i guess angel is right. i'm in a pretty good mood these days, even without myself realising it. so good that i even allow myself to sin bt eating a snickers chocolate bar. god~ how i love the caramel flowing out and chocolate melting in my mouth. it's been so so long. now, where can i get better girlfriends like those i have. know me inside out and even better, know how i feel even before i know it.

chocolate, flowers, hugs and kisses... reminds me the feeling love. a forbidden word that i never thought i would use again but ya, here i am. it takes lessons learnt to know who i truly am and what i truly want.

i have many great plans for the remaining part of 2005, mainly after the china trip. ambitious, ambitious. it takes capital to do great things as well. planning is important, i have to admit. but live a day as it is. don't worry about problems you cannot solve now. happiness is the most important thing in life. it's too short to live only for something or someone only.

i'm craving for great pampering from people....

anyway. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EVE! hope it was a great one for u today! i'll pray hard that whatever wishes u made would come true. go feast with me sooooon.. i dun care!

http://www.mambo.com.au/mambo.html

got to check out this mambo webbie. cools!! love some of the watches. hee

pretty watch~ loves~ found this while surfing 

they say once bitten, twice shy. how very very true. moreover, i've been bitten more than once. so i'll shun for the rest of my life? haha~

nice day i would sae. though i woke up in blurness and made lotsa blunders. hopefully i can skip school tmr... hoping and hoping.

and angel, i love you! boon boon, i love you too! i love yan and chin! all my frens! i love my loyal loyal servant too! i'm in a pretty goood mood!! *loves*