i'n in a pretty foul mood. it seems that i cannot finish studying. how do one memorise the two tb for one day's worth of exams. and further more, one of the module is my arch enemy. i m losing hope, day by day. i seemed to be mugging like next week is my exams, but i really am starting to panic like next week is my exams.

this is the price to pay for what i chose. i asked for it. and now, though i am not regretting, i am wishing this would all be over. i should start to mia, seriously. to study. me, my mj table and my lamp.

=(

an unexpected message that came in late at night brought silly me to tears.

receiving the letter of notification is like a big slap to my face that i should get back to books, get back to studying and serious studying is required. i've been studying but i'm very distracted. i can't wait for this thursday to come so that i will know if my baby is back in camp safely. keep having weird dreams, just feeling a little unsettled. of course i can't wait for next monday. when he's back in my arms.

i'm feeling so so so so so so sian! nothing can cheer me up mans, maybe dosage of good food. but for now, i'll take fruit juice as substiture. i'm in love with marigold peel fresh!

it's been 12 days since your departure. i guess the effect is kicking in finally. my tracks are getting a little blurry and i don't know where this long-winding road will take me. or even when it ends. i'm just bumping along the way, trying to toughen myself up as day by day goes by. don't get me wrong, i'm not being weak here. i'ts just this effect coming all over me, that's making everyday difficult to get by.

school officially ends. cos i choose not to go this sat's class after the last one i go last week. it's crap. i'm pretty much on my own. there's alot at stake. and i don't wanna be a loser after the end ofthe game. yet, i'm not hardworking enough. grr, mummy didn't give me interllect when she gave birth to me, why didn't she pass her genes of perserverence or hardworking-ness like she so proclaimed she had? i have neither. tt's doom to fail yea!???

let's go library and study again. i love it there

sometimes, kid's memory amazes and amuses me. apparently, sometime ago (i cannot even remember when), my student wanted to give a notebook as a gift. it's a kiddy notebook, and i have no use for it. at that point of time, i wanted to reject it so i flipped abit and say, i dun like notebook inside got scribbles and all. some pages had some drawings here and there.

today after lesson ended, the student gave me the notebook (i couldn't even recognise it's the same notbook). i thought again, i have no use for a kiddy notebook, so i flipped open and say, i don't like notebooks that got nothing inside. so plain (see how fast my brain work when it comes to rejecting things). but of course after i made tt comment, he sae, but u sae u dun like got things inside so i tear out those pages! den i realised it's the same notebook!!! and i cannot reject it anymore. so there it is now, inside my bag. haha

yes, my bad

i finally officially completed one whole module, as in complete studying it. and i used up almost the whole A4 size exercise book. i can feel the studying mode turning on and warming up slowly already. so as I am deciding which other module to start, i realised i haven't touch one single module at all, study guide brand new and it only makes it worse when i saw someone studying that in the library yesterday. his study guide don't look as new.

yes, i love the library. i think library makes it really conducive for me to study cos it's public area, u cannot keep standing up, sitting down, and cos it's not a school library, they're more strict which means no discussion at all. under such an envrionment, i'm forced to shut up and be more disciplined. i love the library, but i dun like it if i am alone. it feels too lonely, no one to smile to when u look up. anyway, i always feel something for libraries, like when i was really young, i thought my first crush would be someone i met from the library. cliche yeah i know. haha...

i'm sticking to my plans and i'm really really thrilled by it. i know yan finishes exams today. so which means, i can date her out on sat. go chill up abit then go home continue to mug. no more viwawa for me. at least not more than one hr tt kind. can so feel my ranking going down, but the ranking part is wad makes it SERIOUSLY addicitive, at least for me. 15 more days to the boy's return. i'm really excited, but i cannot even wait for his R&R to come, meaning more messages and maybe if he can afford, he can even call. die, i m beginning to forget how he sound...

sometimes i wonder, how people remember each other without meeting for a long time. like how i can remember how he sounds, how he looks like, his little actions? but i guess things always have a way round it. like in my hse, i can still feel his existence, like whenever i thought i would stop thinking abt him, there are things ard to remind me that hey, he still exists, how to so easily forget. his perfume, his guitar stand, his amp, his jacket... too many to list.

haha... on a random note, i love it when i see people leave a comment for me. cos seriously, i'm thinking who still reads about my boring life? as in.. who is even interested to read? i bet u guys ar, is come my blog, scan through. see got major change in me or not. right!?? see.. some of u are already smiling to urself already. tsk....\

back to books!

it's good to make plans. to cheer myself up. like although class didn't end as early as expected, i got a friend who took notes for me as well as told me wad to copy and stuff. thought i was a loner, but at least i have a friend who bothered.

then went toa payoh. lots of good memories man. apparently, the mian sua is still there, in the red bowl. the fried kuay tiao too, and the lor mee is still there!! the chicken rice, same stall i think and the veggie rice! i remember last time choir camp, we used to pack rice for their dinner from there. it's still there!!! haha... then i rode chin's bike back home and from there home, rushed all the way to IKEA, cos i was afraid i might not ve enough time to shop.

going IKEA makes me happy. i love that place, seeing all the stuff, i really wish i got my own place. then i will buy all the DIY stuff. and fix... okok.. i will get someone else to fix of course. and of course i love the hotdog bun, with tomato sauce. I was quite tempted to get the ikea chair. but i got no table to go with it... wanted to get it for studying purpose. i'm like trying to motivate myself by getting new stuff.

and there's dinner @ astons. =) i love plans.... thanks everyone who made my sat happy. next week must must mug hard... to enjoy the after work plans. =) lalalalala

i m feeling so irritable now. all i wan is to shout and grumble, pick a fight and scream my lungs out. i m feeling so angry........ and i have to contain all these emotions in me and explode.

i will die from swallowing my anger

when my students ask me how to improve their vocabulary, i told them it's very difficult to suddenly excel in it. and especially so, when they don't have the habit of reading books or let's say speaking english at home. this kind of thing is gradually one. like even if u start reading lots of books now, u might not be able to absorb at such a fast rate. in any way, i've decided to let my kids read from young.

anyway, what i didn't tell my students is that another reason how u can do better is to love the subject. love english, love literature. and don't get me wrong, i don't mean i love doing compositions, or comprehension, or situatuonal writing, it's just that by loving the subject, i understand what alot of words mean. i may not have thought of using the word doesn't mean i don't understand the word. let's say for example, i use happy but that doesn't mean i don't understand the word elated or thrilled. i enjoy reading beautiful articles cos i enjoy reading how writers use beautiful words to describe something.

it's like saying i miss the boy is understating the phrase missing someone. because i m not a good writer, i can't make a beautiful poem out of missing someone. or i can't express the deeper feelings within me regarding missing him. but that doesn't mean i dun understand when i see writers writing beautifully about missing someone. so that's where vocab is all about. to use it is another level. at a normal level, understanding is good enough. knowing alot of words is good enough.

i used to love wednesdays, cos after wed, the whole week will pass quickly and before i know it, the weekends will be here. but i got nothing to look forward this weekend. so ya, these 20 odd days will just pass slowly.. sian-ness, after all the studying, i got nothing to look forward to this weekend

amelia was casually saying my house the lighting for studying is not so ideal and i kinda agree. i know it from long long ago when i tried to study one night, or sometimes even in the afternoon, the lighting is just no good. and when u open up the curtains, the sunlight comes in the wrong way, making it a little irritating to study too.

so anyway, back to the main story. after nic officially off the phone to board the plane last night (we were msging, so i know), i was telling my mum, CASUALLY, i dun really mean anything, that the lights in our house not good for studying. and i was telling her i wanna start studing to have a jing shen ji tuo since nic is in taiwan. those were the exact words i told her. and i sae i need a table lamp cos i recall jie's house got a super bright table lamp. those days while she study with the table lamp while deb and i sleep, i remembered the lamp was really good and bright. so i told her i needed one table lamp. den she asked me wad type.. i dunno much abt table lamps u see, i only remember one advertisment. abt the student writing wrong word due to poor lighting, the 3m table lamp. so i casually told her tt.. and ta-da... it's on my table now already. looks likes everything is predetermined. i gotta work real hard, study real hard for this 135 bucks worth of table lamp.

anyway, my dear nu peng you and to angel too if u are interested. just plan a day or wad... where u can study from morning till night, just tell me which day and i will be available. at least i try to be available. summore now, my weekends are FREE. do consider. the camp is decided by people who attend. i m provider! lol.

this morning, out of habit, i reached over to pick up my phone, thinking i will see one new message, as usualy. when i saw none, realisation hit me. my baby is in taiwan. who's giving me morning msges? anyway, out of tiredness, laziness and wanna nua more, i put the phone beside me and almost fell back to sleep when a msg came in. it's from him. from taiwan. and tt's all the boost i need to wake up to study. =)

i sent the emperor off tonight. didn't send him off to the airport but instead, we bid farewell in the dad's car when the dad drove me home before sending him to the airport. our last hug, our last kiss... seriously, all the talk before tonight seemed like air and just by looking into his eyes, i know he will miss me in taiwan and look forward to the day of return.. while me, on the other hand will study hard and wait for his return and hopefully the list of things i got him to buy.

so yes, counting down to his return and studying hard is the only thing i will think of and do. God, grant me the determination as well as nic's safety. please ensure he's well and fine while i put my determination to a test here.

i m smile and look forward.

i feel as if i can run a studying camp. foc of course, with lodging and food provided. home cooked food summore. and on top of that, clothes can be provided if u want too. all u have to do is carry all your heavy books over and make an appointment with the owner of the camp. lol... owner of house i meant.

i need to do serious mugging for one full month. soooooon. asap

i'm officially counting down to the boy's departure. tough life of a officer. 20 something days in taiwan. hope he really enjoys himself during his r and r days and i hope tawian having sales and nice fashion season. cos i really hope he will buy some pretty dresses or tops for me. too bad he can't bring xxl chicken back.. cos wad i really want is taiwan's yummy snacks and food.

shucks.. i forgot. i need to freaking go on a diet!! i put on some kilos!!!! OMG!!! yucks!!!! i hate my fat body now.. i wish i was some bullemia kid. seriously.. i wun mind that. =( i feel fat.... and sad. this is so depressing.

it's time to hit the books real soon. somehow i scared studying too early will make me forget alot of stuff. by the time i need it.

and wow!! ladyironchef has his own domain and link. coolness..... seriously.... i love the blog. good to check out where are the nice places to dine in. =)

happy birthday to my emperor!! despite the tedious task u just gave me, i still love you. haha

ta-da! for those who know that i am baking brownies for my boy for his birthday. seriously, i think it looks rather hideous. but the taste i think quite ok. i mean how bad can it taste if i use mixture bought ready.

pre-celebrated the boy's 21st birthday. brought him to esplanade harry's steakhouse. actually wanted to bring him to harry's bar after tt, but i think they having some functions. looks like a private one, so i brought him to max brenna opposite instead. i think he loves it. no pictures taken though. wasn't in the mood to take any pictures.

hmmm.... next sat.. 12 april. one day before the baby needs to go taiwan.. amelia, hanabi?? or anyone interested?? it's a meet nic before he goes off.. and also a post bdae celebration.