is this the end?

the stretched piece of rubber band, sometimes a little over-stretched.
when would it break?
the water at 70.
when would it boil?
the unawaken fiery deep within.
when would it wake?
the tests and trials right in front
when would i fall?
the uncomfortable weather
how long can it be used repeatedly by escapists like us?

all tensed up for the match right in front but all emotionally choked up right inside. everytime i am down. i never fail to read the scrapbook made by those angels sent to me by god. i know behaviour not allowed. it even used to be a taboo. cos i'll end up just hurting myself but i'm falling deeper into this black suction call habit. i know i'm a bad girl. i know i only pray when i need to be consoled. can i look for excuses such as getting back at wad i deserved. i know the answer. and that sonner, everything will surface. something's got to go. someone got to cry. and i'll end up standing alone in the dark, seaching for that light i so longed for once again.

is this the beginning of the end...

school's starting pretty soon. there goes my enjoyment. quite stuck to youtube. okok, to a particular pi-in-training out there, u will laugh. hooked to youtube. why does it sound so familiar. yea.. holiday's ending. hmmm... didn't do much. but i'm not guilty about it. i need to enjoy before i start to pia right?

i told you that you didn't love me yet you insisted. i tried to tell you that you didn''t understand love at all. and yet u insisted. u made me believe you. then with a blink of an eye.. this had to happen. i'm not surprised because i already know you didn;t love me the way you thought you did. so why do i feel they way i am feeling now. totally disappointed with my own trust and instincts. shouldn't have believed you right from the beginning. right.

watching germany vs sweden now. i love sweden. the guys. but i know germany will win. they already scored 2??? anyway, i like germany's jersey. =)

testing my memory.. final 16: germany, ecuador, england, sweden, mexico, argentina, brazil, france, italy, spain, ukraine, ghana, switzerland, portugal, holland. cannot remember the last one... hmmmm..... too lazy to check. =)

when i read it one year ago, i cried. when i watched it now. it still hurts so much tt it makes me cry. the pain that he has to go through. imagine someone u love so dearly completely erases u out of his/her memory. i truly admired the way he dealt with it as well as his willpower and courage. it's not always weak to cry... sometimes, you need strength to cry when you want to. to be able to cry when u need, is a form of strength as well. i remembered learning this hard about one year or more ago.

it's not about looking back anymore. it's looking straigh and focusing when there are more important things to be done. this is where derermination sets in.

yawns. another night of tiredness... totally skipped soccer last night. but not tonight. am gg to catch all matches. there's japan.. and my fav. goalkeeper. and also brazil. tonight's matches will be exciting.. winning or losing determines whether they are in or out.

as much as i wanna watch soccer, i need to tune my body back once again. if this goes on when school starts, i will only freak myself out with stress... self inflicted.

it's already the later part of week 3.. which signifies the end of hols. i dun really want to be reminded of this.. but cannot help it. every single day tt passes without doing anything constructive bugs me. i need my day to be well spent. this also shows that the up-tightness of my emotions towards the start of school is. woah.. pressure pressure. all self-inflicted.

ever since tt silly amelia is bad, she's speaking something foreign tt i dun understand. lol.. back to the days of toro here, energy there. now she's torres here.. spain there. amazingly.. why all the guys u like all start with t one ar. maybe her bf next time will bear the name of .. terrence, hmm, am at a lost. no other t names... but she ar.. still a dreamere. sae she wanna learn spanish to communicate. she's crazy.. speaking a torres crazy lang. which i dunno and dun wish to learn. ahahahah... when am i ever like this mans. but anyway amelia.. u are being missed. missed watching soccer with u. if only those matches u were away and we watched together... got so much to sae den and there.

i totally concussed last night. this is what happens when one gets too much of soccer. within one week or 2 weeks, i dunno how many hours i slept only. i'm sure it's below wad my body needs. dun really like the way tonight's soccer is arranged. 2 matches at a time. meaning constant sqitching around. and further more.. there's still the 3 am one. england's playing at 3 am!!! must climb up to watch once again. luckily i slept early last night or else that boy wun let me watch tonight's matches.

amelia!!! ever since u left.. i got soo many things to tell u. actually, it's only on tt day. sunday's matches tt i got stuff to tell u. decided to blog it down in case i forget. that first match, japan vs croatia.. did u see.. there's this couple there. jap pple.. and they carried a sign tt said.. we are HONEYMOONERS!!! ahahaha.. already got pple do le.. so urs not tt special anymore. hmmm.. come to think of it.. i cannot really remember wad else i wanted to sae. i noe there are others. hmmm.. nvm. if i can remember, i'm sure my this over-developed brain will be even more developed.

and lastly... calls out to angel!!! are u ok???? hmmm.. ever since u went malaysia, u seemed to ve disappeared. wonder where u've been. heelllooo!!!!??? suddenly quite worried u see.... let me noe if u're fine.

after beung half dead yest, decided to go out today. to catch a movie and eat jap food. have been craving for jap food for quite some time already. so ya.. =)

it's burger day! something angel said today made me laugh. she said i've evolved from the pasta girl i used to be to wad i am now. hahaa.. evolved. wad a word. like how she combined the word hevoc and yu le bai fen bai and said chin wants to hevoc with yu le bai fen bai. chin is a ugly girl today. wearing her nursing uniform throughout the day and washing the dishes for me. she really look like a maid. silly girl.. wad's ur name u wanna be called again? aminah or something?

my day is always a cycle. it starts with late night den waking up at 11 due to some messages tt made me either too excited to sleep or disturbing. and den.. dragging out of bed.. and then around 3 plus 4, late afternoon, i will be tired. and then when it passes 7, i'm hyper and alive once again. till the late night cycle comes back down on me.

i realised i'm in need of clothes and accessories, but i'm too lazy to shop? any solutions to this girl here who wants a new bag, a new belt, new clothes, new jeans.. basically.. i want new stuff. yet am too lazy to shop or try clothes. i'm deprived of new clothes mans. somebody is bound to laugh at the size of my wardrobe sooon. =/

argentina just scored 2 goals in 30 mins. they seemed diff from wad they were like in their first match. stronger i would sae. they are gettting better.

we're going to the zoo zoo zoo
how about you you you
you can come too too too
we're going to the zooooooooooooooooooo

i must remember to ask amelia whether she's happy next year. this particular day and time... =)

and i'm sure u will, girl!

ALICIA KEYS

"If I Ain't Got You"

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

[Outro:]
If I ain't got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

soccer is so much more fun when u hold a bet. be it with the market or with ur frens. it just makes it 100 times more interesting. not tt it's not interesting. but things do get a little repetitive when no one scores a goal or when goals seem very little. exactly like the matches the night before. some matches can really be exciting to watch. and some can be boring. like the one my tv is showing now. tunisia vs saudi arabia. holds a bet with xm. and we both lost. cos saudi scored!!! grrr.... sam is right. the ball is indeed round. hahha

okie.. as u guys might ve noticed. am a little soccer fan these days. or will be for this one mth. am willing to sacrifice other stuff. serious. i'm world cup fan. not soccer fan. even went down to singapore pools to place a bet. crosses my fingers. hope i can win something. it's the achievement.

anyway, thanks for these past 2 days or less. i do feel better. and feeling better makes me good. and if i feel good, u will too right. hmmm.. how should i put it? it always feels good when doubts are clear and the sky is blue again. all the disturbing thoughts and feelings will be gone so as long as u are here. behind me all the way. okok. side by side. lol. i've learnt to cherish and ask for less. i just want to preserve this feeling with me and smile upon it when i look back. =) thanks for making me part of ur life.

do i sound like a certain pumpkin? please let me noe if i do.. i am a little paranoid. worrying pple might be callign me a pumpkin too. haha. anyway... pple out there reading this. need a little favour. if u are interested in helpein.. lol. wad a way to put it.. anyway, msg me online and only online. thanks. =)

my first time staying up the whole night to catch 3 matches. all in one go. woah. all cos my boy stayed over to watch it with me. first match.. korea vs togo. sam and i predicted 2 for korea and one for togo. spot on mans. too bad i didn't bet. it was not too bad a match except the fact that, and amelia will agree, no cute guys to oogle at!!! second match france and switzerland. i predictied 3 for france and 1 for swiss. but it was so disappointing. nil all!!?? how can this be. sam even bet with me 4 to one. very sad. who the hell sae france is good? or is swiss good at defending. usually after the second match of the night, i will be dead tired. but i was super hyper last night. pple like my mum and amelia, all skipped the second match in order to watch the last one. the brazil one. and i have to wake the both of them up. even my boy fell asleep and he kept on nodding off during the game. and tt's why the ten missed calls to amelia. and congrats, girl. u won 2 bucks!! ahahaha...

guess it was rather disaapointing. expected brazil to score more than one. but it was just one to zero. sigh... no wonder tt boy keeps noddding off. but nonetheless.. watching soccer is fun. and if i bet... it would be twice the fun. which tt's wad i'm gg to do tonight. hahhha....

am tired. after 3 matches and only 5 hrs of sleep. zzzzz

 

white horse. pretty. but boy prefers the black one. i didn't take a pic of it. 

  

i finally went to zoo with the small boy. thought he might feel quite obligated to go cos i wanted and he didn't seem super enthu or excited the day before like me. but glad tt u enjoyed.. u did enjoy right? at least enjoy the company.. not the smell or the trip or the heat. but really hope u did enjoy. more of such trips to singapore tourists attractions can come next time right? anyway.. i kinda regret not buying the white tiger soft toy.. i wan the innocent eyes and the pretty white fur...

anyway.. watched mexico vs iran last night. mexico was superb. 2 goals straight mans. they scored one and i was busy typing to amelia cos she couldn't watch the match and den before i knew it.. in a blink, they scored another one! and den i was joking with my mum, iran is going bomb up the whole place cos they didn't win. cos iran is a terrorists country. and silly amelia, kept dancing the meixco dance. whatever tt is. and claims tt she's hot stuff. okok.. i proclaim. my ten yr fren amelia is hot stuff. do keep a look out for her. lol!

so i had to wake up at 9 after the match which ends at 2. couldn't get to sleep last night. toss and turn a while. damn tempted to watch the 3am show but i noe i was store energy for today. so ya. slept. woke up and make sandwich. just realised tt making sandwich gives me a very xin fu feeling. issit cos i'm making for someone special or issit just the making of sandwich. i think it's the latter. cos i simply enjoyed the process of making, thinking of nothing but the sandwich. lol. but never mind. i gave him xin fu feeling eating it. so it compliments.

so to the zoo we head. arguing on the way where to take to. amk or cck. in the end settled for cck. not very difficult to go zoo after all. and to think i'm near xin's hse. which means i was one end away from my own home. had lotsa fun today. though with the heat and all. walked quite alot summore. 2 rounds around the zoo. wanted to save money so didn't buy the train thingy so we walked. ahhaha. how to be white white like tt. but it was really fun!!! =) especially with my excursion little boy. okok.. he's so gg to kill me. but muacks!! as much as u like to tease me, same here. so we are fair and square.

back. dead tired. and struggling to watch my matches summore. japan's goalkeeper looks like good husband material.. tt kinda cute. hahha. and sam just told me japan sux. okok.. usa vs cze. obvious. unless miracles.

maybe i needed more attention these days from u. tt's why the feeling emerges everynow and den. am i gg to lose u or am i simply leeting my mind wander too far yet again. oh wells...

 

my small boy on excursion 

 

trying to compare? no fight mans... 

  

 

pretty girl.. 

 

drinks he prepared. our water recharger of the day. 

 

food i prepapred. 

 

i swear he posed for me!! right? 

 

my fascination for the dustbins they have there... 

 

finally.. the zoo!!!! 

we are mean but i seriously cannot stand it. gosh.. that ah s*m.. she's one hell of a childish person mans. firstly, her password is childish enough.. like wad angel said.. i was really thinking it would be something like i love blah blah.. or blah and forever. u noe tt kind. but putting tt as password. is equivalent to the same thing lah. and secondly, every entry of hers is like.. haik. she reminds me so much of someone with one one person in her world. is like she doesn't have life anymore. and she like polo tee issit??? why is she wearing and wearing it!!! for some wierd reason unknown to others and myself.. dun like her. very very much. okok.. enough bitching session.

angel may be right. maybe simplicity is the best. maybe tt's wad i should settle for. simplicity. noting more complicated than tt would be just nice.

guys... regret reading this? this is how a girl bitches. mega time mans. lol!! anyway, am turning into a soccer freak soon. i also dunno why but just very interested to watch all the matches. think i better stop. for the sake of my rest and my work. =/ butttt.......

thanks joel. should be thanking u personally at least on msn. but i'm preparing to watch my soccer match. so ya.. i noe u would be reading this. so ya. thanks for the info. u're like my guaridan angel sometimes. hahha..

germany 4 to costa rica 2. woah. i'm impressed. didn't expect the latter to score two, and esp the last goal. as i was matching the opening match last night, this thought came into my head. i noe costa rica has pretty ladies but never knew their guys can play soccer. hahaa. wanted to watch the second match badly. poland vs ecuador that i even set alarm for one hr later after the opening match. but guess i was too tired. i pressed stop instead of snooze. which is why when i woke up at 10 plus this morn and realised there is a repeat, am thrilled. =)

can't comment uch on the matches. later pple laughed or kena bang so yea. but tonight there's an england match. want to watch. but since i promised amelia and this is summoreto make up to her, i wun initiate to leave. guess i'll have to miss tt match. haha.. but no shopping amelia... i dun like shopping anymore.

yea.. month of june when there is great singapore sale and world cup. and i chose the latter. ahhha. wierd yea.. but it's a cheaper hobby u see. i'm like this flat broke girl who cannot even be bothered to dress up anymore and tt explains why i dun really like to go out too. cos dun get to dress up, not pretty.. so sian to go out. wierd logic. but yea.

anyway, was watching SI swim suit competition last night. hahaa. when u put competitive girls together, it's mega bitching mans. it just so reminds me of other shows i watch with competitive girls. why are girls always like tt. hmmm.... watched the guess show last night as well. the white white snow white girls series. make me wanna be like them!!! i also wanna be white white too. fair fair. hmmm...

yes. maybe readers have realised i watched alot of shows last night.. i did nothing but lie on the sofa and hugged my pillow. eyes totally glued to tv. lol.

back to the soccer match. tata.

 

i know this picture is a little old but i simply love it. can't wait for the converse day den i'll take another decent picture of xcyflawx's shoes. 

i realised this blog gets abandoned by me easily and i'm actually depriving it of decent entries so i'll try once again. to revive it, that is. =)

this week is e-learning week. and i'm really listening to mr goh.. enjoying week. so i'm all out to enjoy. tried to do my stuff the weekend before and although there are not much stuff to do, it's always at the back of my head. telling me i'm left with this and that. and to spoil my enjoyment a little, he had to call me and tell me to get some work done. i dun wanna appear too irresponsible or too nonchalent about the project on hand.. but i want my quality time enjoying also. i promisedto work hard already so dun i deserve a little enjoyment? haik.. but never mind. will get things settled as soon as possible.

had my chalet. it's been a long time since i went chalet. i think the last time i actually went was 2 years ago on labour day. yan's chalet. and tt was like one night only.. cos the next day had to rush for work. how super sian tt can be so i'm really glad for this chalet tt i just had. maybe next time during every holiday, i must organise chalet. it's fun. it's just cash problems. but i look forward to the next one. i just have to organise it. things always dun get done cos no one step forward to do it and since i want it.. i got to do it.

2 more weeks to holiday. and tonight is the start of world cup. dun ask me why.. but it's so attractive tt someone like me is gonna get hooked onto it really soon. was watching news last night on korean students. dey are so crazy about world cup tt tey sae the sight of teachers remind them of soccer players and the sight of text reminds them of soccer i think. something like tt. haha... my mum and i were commenting tt once in 4 years.. it's really hot stuff mans. so exctied. when i came home from chalet yest, was surprised to see a big pin up of the scoresheet type of thing in my living room. pinned on the wall. all the groups' matches, who against who. lol... whole family. even bought a world cup related mag or something for dad as papa day's gift. he's gonna love me. i'm so lovable!!! ahahaa.... okok.. dun read tt. erase it now! lol.

must plan my next 2 precious weeks well. have to do my work. as well as play hard. i must really plan this holiday well and go gm's hse soon. she called and nagged already. hmmm.... maybe i should go next week. going zoo next week too. monday i think.. definitely ext week but pending whether issit mon.

home alone today. i miss tt smelly boy. but it's good tt i'm having some quality time myself. i mean we do need personal space here and there and time to ourselves apart from one another. tt's wad everyone says and indeed... i feel goood about it too. it's so long since i stayed home alone and it really feels good. the only bad part is i would be too lazy to go out and get food. and i'll just nua at home the whole day. just watched 3 movies one shot. 2 xmas movies and one martian one.. lol...

okok.. a long and decent entry. goood. more to come.. =)

3 DOORS DOWN

"Here Without You"

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it... You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

How Daring Are You?