the long-awaited rain brings the long-awaited tears. tears i didn't even know exist. expectations are so high and so far. when i tell myself that it's ok not to pursue so hard for expectations and that some things are just not within my grasp, am i just consoling myself?

through this trip, i learnt alot about myself. the person that i thought i had become, or the person that i believed i already was didn't exist. i still have a long way to go. when i came back, my confidence was totally ripped away from me when i gradually realise false confidence caused these expecations seem to be so near and reachable but in fact, due to "parallex error", i'm still far from those expectations.

i always thought by letting myself slow down and take a break is wrong. i should always be wary and one the move. this makes me so tired. when i took a nice break from the world, i realise things could be so beautiful and yet, i didn't realise. beauty is not what i own but something i hope i can have within my grasp. i will work hard to see the beauty 'cos it doesn't come easy.

i don't want to pursue non-stop, it's tiring. maybe, i should look back and see what exactly have i missed out when i go on my pursue. i might have dropped or neglect beautiful things around me to go on my wild pursue when the most basic thing tt one needs is actually the most beautiful of all.

no matter what, i've learnt new things again. and like i always say, knowledge is something so vast and wide. learning new things about yourself and others can be quite enjoyable in a way too. to be able to learn new things every single day may turn out to be a blessing after all.