Nokia 6120 Classic. My new temporary phone before i get my dream one.

the day started out lovely. cause we wanted to prolong the day by spending more time with each other, we woke up early for the church, first session of Sunday's services. time flies and before we knew it, the 11 days belong only in our memories. it's been fun, sweet and due to the fact that i'm having serious mind block, it's nice x1000000000. can't seem to find a word for it now. then a steamboat to end off the night. =)

Anyway, like i always said, life still goes on and time won't stop for anyone. 2 weeks of school has passed and i'm more or less settled in it. more or less confirmed and decided my modules. and now it's like studying time. time to get my life back to the original track i made. Of course like any other human being, i enjoyed this mini break i had together with my baby, yet finding it hard to face reality. finding it hard to get back on track. after getting used to him not being ard, there's this break and i had him all to myself. and now, i've to get used to it all over again, only this time, it might be tougher than the previous.

this pang of loneliness i feel all over again. and sadness as well. it's not because he's going back to army and all. it's just nice that i had somone to depend on during these 2 weeks of adjusting phase. nice to have someone who waits for me. nice to have someone whom i know will always be there when i need. nice to have someone to give me the warmth, to remind me there's nothing called loneliness in my life. he always claim the one in army is the one who suffers most. but from my point of view, it's the one waiting outside. because.. in army, u dun get to think. u dun ve time to think. so who's the one who would be thinking all day long, all the long nights, it's yours truly. i need the strength, i really do.

just some whining i want to get off my chest. i'll be fine. i have things to occupy me. i always do. just a matter whether i want to do them or not. my list of things to do will never be completely empty. and i've mr smiley to accompany me anyway. reality hits. it's time to start on that track.

This is a relatively important picture... not because it has the both of us taken nicely inside but it's important cos of the logo behind. if u notice, that's sakae and our food for most days... dear dear is crazy abt jap food. now, we even have the sakae card!

Happy 20th monthsary!

my army boy

his army haircut.

first week of school is over and i'm in a much calmer mood than compared to first day of school. so at least when i describe the first day of school, i won't be cursing and swearing all the way. yes, it was that bad but it's all over.

so yes, the school screwed up very badly on monday. made me wait for a total of close to 3 hours for my class to start. i m not familiar with the school. but i do know how terrible their admin help is and how high their turnover rate is. i don't even know if they know their work or not. guess i got to figure my way around here and hopefully settle in soon. am i useless? i always feel like that in a new environment. helpless, lost and insecure. always feel like giving up. i know in the future, things will not be so bad.. but the start is so hard. it's really tiring me. =/ i never allow myself to regret but maybe this time round.... don't get me wrong. the lecturers are great! very helpful, the facilities can do. just that, i dun feel like i belong. the sense of belonging and security is not there. that's what so bad about the school. how can they actually make their students feel this way??

having said enough, somehow, i know God is always very kind to me. in this really bad first week of school, i had one of the best week together with me baby. he passed out on tues and awiting for results to see where is he going to be posted to. spent every single min and sec together. haha.. for lost times. but i'm really glad for his support and company during this whole week. =) once again, life is always balanced. am enjoying myself and i don't know why, we are not eating cheaply this whole week!! which is really bad..... i'm starting to feel guilty. for all the fats i know is going to accumulate. yucks man! apart from that, loving every min of it. in fact, our Golden weekend starts today. haha.. my name for it. cos we're gg to spend the whole time together till monday. maybe i should start cam-whoring with him... so can post some latest pictures up of him. will see how.

i'll pull through, won't i? things will work out just fine, won't it? need all the help and support i need. help would be nice like tell me where do i get tbs! don't care if it's second hand or not... i need to buy textbooks! haha....

finally, the day has come (and i'm not talking abt yan's birthday). the last day of my freedom, also known as the last day of my baby's torturous imprisonment. how ironic, i know. I'll be starting school official tmr. actually, i'm not nervous or whatever, i'm just afraid that screwed up place will mess it up for me and that i've more things to settle and deal with after which. that's precisely why i dislike that place. so much.

i've always been an extremist and an idealist. i dream of perfection. and also how many things should be like. like i always feel, new school term means new stuff which explains the numerous of bags i have, some only used for one school term. and also how love should be like. how a couple in love should be like. or how the feeling of love should be like. i know this is not the right way but in my life and in my dictionary, these are the definitions i have. maybe that's why i always tend to think too much, cos in life, many things are so not up to standard. and i get disappointed and such disappointment would lead to unhappiness. maybe as i start uni, leading a different phase of my life, i should change my mindset. i should just work hard towards my goals. expect less and give more. maybe then, i would be happier, i hope. but being an extremist i would still stick to it. i want nothing more the the best. either i do it or not. and if i do it and put in all my effort and work, i know i will get it.

yes, this is my attitude to start school. sounds good, hope it'll be really good. and to my baby.. welcome to civilisation for ten straight days!

I will not say things such as getting married, forever and ever or anything else that relates to it anymore. I don't think I am ready for it and frankly speaking, I know hardly anyone will be ready for it at a age of 20 but what I meant is that, my love has not matured to even a stage where such thoughts could be entertained. so who exactly was I trying to kid? myself? or just hanging on to the one simple fact, solid it may seem but who knows may dissolve and burst one day?

It takes alot to love. Love is something that happened. We don't know how but it just did and it's sweet but it doesn't mean that could last forever. Anything that we want to last must involve effort and work being put to it. We want good grades after our first decent paper means putting in extra efoort to maintain and to push it to greater heights. Therefore when we want our love to last, effort must be placed in as well. so at this point of my life, i'm not sure I'm ready to take it to that marriage level yet because there are lots of problems to learn and understand. I don't think i'm mature enough to want to take it to the level too. being that naive princess that i wanna be just wun work.

at the end of the day, i feel listening to talking is important. it takes two hands to clap. i've always wanted to be a person who's clear about what she wants and i guess i've attained that. I'm sure i know what I want, just the process seemed a little rocky. i have my own faults and I know that.

i don't even know should i begin this alone... or wait. i'm not the patient kind, tt's why.