the weekend was short but sweet. when it ended, i felt like it was all a dream. a very short dream, a dream i rather have and rather not have. rather not have because it ended too fast and make me want more. the emptiness i felt seemed bigger than before. and i don't think it can be filled up any sooner.

life seemed pretty meaningless these days. maybe meaningless is not the right word, because i have goals and dreams and things to do. i need to study for my final theory, i need to get my driving license, i need to prepare for my grade 8 theory, cos i just pass my grade 7. i need to run errands for my boy, need to prepare this, do that but somehow, in the midst of all these stuff, the loneliness i feel deep within is there, no matter how much i ignore its existence. doing all these stuff, the feeling of emptiness is still there. i know it. it knows me. sometimes, even when i'm on a crowded street, with people all around, i still feeling so lonely that i wanna cry.

actually, some stuff can be really simple, ain't it? some people can live their life for one purpose and one goal. one person. then life is easy, because ur happiness and unhappiness all derive from one source. i am not such a person but am i becoming one. things suddenly become so complex and complicated, i don't know what can i do to live it simpler. to be self-fulfilling. suddenly, i'm reminded of myself in the past. but now, things are different. to work hard towards a goal is good, but the mental state must be there. the determined, never say die attitude must be there. then, such a person can be happy and everythine will seem meaningful.

i'm not there yet. but i know i'll get out of this mess real soon. because if i don't, this emptiness feeling will eat into me, will eat all of me.