i always think twentieth (i've been typing for quite some time, i cannot figure out how to spell that, hope u guys get what i mean) birthday is very important. because it's like the first birthday towards prime. the BIG TWO. and yet, not necessary be a responsible adult like 21 yet. so you kinda get to enjoy best of both worlds. that's how i always feel. thus, i think 20th (why didn't i think of that before) birthday is very important. and i'm someone who always count down to my birthday one month before and get so excited about it. hee.. i think no one else gets more excited about my birthday than me. that's what i always think.

somehow, when the birthday that i so look forward to this year doesn't even cheer me up. i forgot about counting down, and i kind of dread it. it's sad. it's the day that leona was brought to this earth and that's the best thing worth to celebrate for me, isn't it? i feel sad. and it's not helping that, i cant even conjure out a list of things i want, cos i really cannot think of anything. this sucks! my precious day of the year....

i promise when i wake up the next day, things would be better. but i cannot stop the tears welling up each time i fall to sleep...

the weekend was short but sweet. when it ended, i felt like it was all a dream. a very short dream, a dream i rather have and rather not have. rather not have because it ended too fast and make me want more. the emptiness i felt seemed bigger than before. and i don't think it can be filled up any sooner.

life seemed pretty meaningless these days. maybe meaningless is not the right word, because i have goals and dreams and things to do. i need to study for my final theory, i need to get my driving license, i need to prepare for my grade 8 theory, cos i just pass my grade 7. i need to run errands for my boy, need to prepare this, do that but somehow, in the midst of all these stuff, the loneliness i feel deep within is there, no matter how much i ignore its existence. doing all these stuff, the feeling of emptiness is still there. i know it. it knows me. sometimes, even when i'm on a crowded street, with people all around, i still feeling so lonely that i wanna cry.

actually, some stuff can be really simple, ain't it? some people can live their life for one purpose and one goal. one person. then life is easy, because ur happiness and unhappiness all derive from one source. i am not such a person but am i becoming one. things suddenly become so complex and complicated, i don't know what can i do to live it simpler. to be self-fulfilling. suddenly, i'm reminded of myself in the past. but now, things are different. to work hard towards a goal is good, but the mental state must be there. the determined, never say die attitude must be there. then, such a person can be happy and everythine will seem meaningful.

i'm not there yet. but i know i'll get out of this mess real soon. because if i don't, this emptiness feeling will eat into me, will eat all of me.

happy 1.5 anniversary!

haha.... no celebration. just wanna mark down this day. let's see.... 5 more days to the 27th!

finally, oh finally, the chinatown eggtarts melting into my mouth. ooooh.. oh so delicious, it's so so so goood! the egg taste, soft, smooth and silky. woooo... very very nice. finally. =) my next cravings.. hee hee hee.. BBQ FOOOD! when can i go for a bbq party??? i want i want!!!!

the day pass so fast yet the night seemed so long. mummy say i'm leading my life in a non-meaningful way but i beg to differ. my days are always packed. nicely packed i would say but the night always seemed so long. i'm pretty much of a person who loves sleeping in than sleeping early. it's only in the night that thoughts flood my mind, and loneliness creep in. let me count down.. one more week, i miss my baby.

wadever it may be... it has been a good week no matter what. =)

tonight when i talk to my boy, i feel sad. dunno why. after the past few nights, i thought i will feel fine, but when i talk to him tonight, i suddenly felt sad. i wished i could help him in some way or another. he sounded so sick and tired. i don't know in what way can i show my support more. like... i'm not in his situation, i won't understand. yet i wished i could help more. =( i dunno wad else i can do.

on a lighter note, ah chew dessert tmr!

cravings: EGG TARTS FROM CHINATOWN

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

A teacher of the Law came up and tried to trap Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to receive eternal life?"
Jesus answered him, "What do the scriptures say? How do you interpret them"
The man answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind'; and 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.' "
"You are right," Jesus replied; "do this and you will live."
But the teacher of the Law wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus answered, "There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him hald dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came there, went over and looked at the man. and then walked on by on the other side. But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon than man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wound and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Take care of him,' he told the innkeeper, 'and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him' "
And Jesus concluded, "In your opinion, which one of these three acted like a neighbor toward the man attacked by the robbers?"
The teacher of the Law answered, "The one who was kind to him."
Jesus replied, "You go, then, and do the same."

- Lk 10:25-37

I'm glad i fought my laziness and went to church today.

Cravings: Green bean soup

silly me, i got quite overwhelmed when my baby call me today. hee.... one full day without seeing and talking much feels pretty wierd. i guess i'm so so so attached to him lo but then i will survive la. i've got things to do. just no mood to go do them.

went out for lunch with xin den late dinner with amelia. when he's not around, i dun even feel like eating. hope i slim down..

metro having 50% closing down sales at tampines!! anyone interested?

and when are my dates!!??? why no one ask me out one?????

the day has finally arrived. and no, i did not go send him off. baby say it's too early for me and so asked me to sleep more. he just gave me a call this morning and all. tt's pretty about it. and since i'm still in my sleep.... i don't really recall exactly what we conversed. it's been less than half a day and i'm already missing him.

the past 2 weeks has gone by with only one purpose. everyday, we just want to spend more time together. no matter what we do, it's always together. until the last part, things got a little blurred. until last night.... i wasn't even thinking straight. not a proper goodbye i guess. hahaha... but tt's not important, i'll await his return. it's just 2 weeks.

now tt baby has finally gone army. it's time to plan my life and organise it. maybe i should start with my room. i m craving for some girlie times too. is everyone very busy out there?? no time for gatherings??? hmmmm.... date me date me date me leh!!!!

gotta go, get ready to go out lunch with xin

it's monday... that means 4 more days before my boy has to go in. and 3 more days to say bye to his hair. haha.. it's not going to make much of a difference to me. but i noe he already misses it badly. we spent quality time together, with every minute counts but then there were the many plans that we did not do, like ecp.... mustafa. ahhaaa.. okok.. all these are only my plans.. but still. i just wanna spend time meaningfully. but nonetheless, for the past one week or so, we kept eating goood foood. going broke soon.

anyway, i'm glad it's sunshine after the rain once again and rainbow could be seen. i'm just glad it's all over and out behind us. after all, i dun wanna be gloomy for the last week that we get to spend together. these times should be happy times ain't it. just hope we do understand where each other is coming from and try to fix it somehow. of course i want things to work out but it takes two hands to clap. one alone strength is never enough. okok.. enough of such stuff.. everything should start anew. =)

i love you, i really do. please make life easier when i'm tired and i need someone to depend on. i'll do likewise for you.

want to change blogskins.. but cannot find nice one leh.... maybe i will spend one whole day looking for one tt i really like. i hav all the time in the world after friday. girls out there.. date me out pleaseee.. =)

sometimes when i hear them discuss it the way they did, i feel quite disturbed. i don't know if somewhere out there, i was being discussed that way as well.

sometimes when i thought we were in it together, then i was wrong.

sometimes when i don't understand you, i feel it strains the both of us.

i guess only time can tell

our day at kushin bo.

he did this....

my boy and his new guitar. can it actually be seen clearly? it's blue and white. cool.... i actually have a video of how much he can play now, but i dun think he wants me to upload it. haha.. it's actually in my room, part of my property. next time anyone pay me a visit... or come my hse, feel free to play it. just dun spoil it! he will be angryy.. >(

haha... a update of bears i have now. a family of four. the last two are actually much smaller, maybe palm size but really cute. the last two came a little unexpected and on-the-spot. we just buy and go. haha

why no one leave me any tags??? no one reads about my blog or concerned about me anymore!???

okok.. life has been peaceful. hmmm.. hard to say it is peaceful when i have someone practising his guitar right beside me in my enclosed bedroom. haha.. note: i'm not saying his playing is noisy or sucky..... REALLY I AM NOT EVEN BEING SACARSTIC. i enjoy this little moment when i do my stuff and he practise right beside me and i cen reach over for a small kiss or hug. *blissful smile*

so little update here and there: my boy bought his guitar already. maybe i will upload a picture of it soon. since it's going to be permanantly in my room. with the amps and all.. and dear amelia.. amps means AMPLIFIER!!!! ahahhaa... it's something all electric guitar needs!! haha.. dun ever ask us wad's amps again ok!

life has been peaceful, blissful and fattening!! we do nothing but eat and laze around!! ahahha... but we'll be hitting the town soon. buy stuff.. shop... maybe go around eating good foood before he goes in. hmmm.. mabe i will really be bored after he goes in cos all my friends will be working or schooling but then.. i noe how to make my life happening. i think. i will try.

okok.. i got nothing much to sae.. maybe i will load some pictures sooon! if i take them la... hahaha