why is everyone planting such thoughts in my head? i'm trying not to think badly of the situation or not think badly of the person but why is everyone making me feel that I should and I have the right to be angry. grrr....

don't think don't think. May the new year bring new thoughts to me and bring me to new heights!

3 straight days of homey food, so christmasy feel. =) i'm a happy girl.... my collection of hairbands is increasing and i'm even happier. =) one more week to the end of the year. i was talking to the boy on the long journey home from island SEGAR and we were talking about people's faces. He said he didn't understand how come people can have double face. I told him everyone is bound to have 2 different face, it's a matter of how different one face is from the other and also wad's the intention behind the faces.

i told him.. he's a different person in front of me and in front of friends. He's quicker to anger as compared to when he's dealing with irritating friends. He said that's because it's me. And i told him, exactly, i could trigger that emotion out of him quicker and make him slightly different than when he;'s with colleagues or friends.

I bet people can have more faces than 2 and right now, i;m searching for one that I want to live with. Boon is right, at this age, not young anymore to shake off responsibilities but also not mature enough to handle all of it that comes our way.

I like who I am when I'm with you all. I really do. I just wish.....

Philippians 4:19

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

it was a really gooood dream. i wished i never woke up

this little fettish of mine is expanding... i know times are different now, but i'm still allowed to have one small fettish right. i have to stop alot of things, but just this one, i hope to still have it.

i was reading one very very long ago entries blogged by me 5 years ago and i realised so much has changed. the people around me changed, the bond or the ties between us changed as well. gosh... i don't know if this is for the better or for the worse, because i sounded much happier then, surrounded by people I love so dearly. I still love them very much and i recognise that I will never be who i am today without them. does it work both ways? i have no idea... back then i seemed so sure that whatever i felt is vice versa, today.. 5 years older i have so much doubt. such irony....

it's been a really up and down week.. i m glad it ended with down.. looking forward to the bbq tmr.. =) more fruitful weeks before i go taiwan. =)

what lesson should I learn today? Nothing is for sure mans... I cannot pretend I'm not disappointed. But I hope I do better the next time.

So disoriented now.

one of the best that i've read thus far. the heartaching feeling i have. haik... love romance. oh... how old am i again??

but this is really goood, so sad i dunno whether i wanna continue reading or not.

something seem to be wrong, i dunno what to call it. i just don't feel that right... is this the beginning of the end? i hate to admit it, but everyone is right. I'm insisting on something as far away as a fairytale. don't even talk about 10 years, i don't even know how to carry on for the next few years, let's just hope it is pms acting up.

脚步很轻很轻很轻
你忘了要发出声音
睡的很静很静很静
你忘了说过要一起

天气很晴很晴很晴
你忘了今天不下雨
身体很冰很冰很冰
你忘了要张开眼睛

天空忽然决定下雨
我来不及收拾那些回忆
伞底下的那个你
丢下我去哪里

原来天空没有下雨
湿了的是我哭红的眼睛
滴答滴答滴答滴
我好想念你

i'm really sad to know i can't make it and even sadder to know some things are not going to be as planned.

i posed chin this question today.. if she was a guy... which of us 5 will she think abt being with... of course.. i told her my choice.. hahaha.. interesting....

an overwhelmed surge of nostalgic-ness (whatever the proper word is) came over me when i chanced upon the scrapbook my lovelies made for me when i was 18 years old. not sure if you girls remember but when i took it out and look at the pictures, i was like woah.. we looked so young then. so youthful, so carefree... and everything was so much simpler.

when u girls come over my place next time.. remind me to take it out.... it's really one of the best gift i ever receive.... even if it didn;t brought tears to my eyes 5 years ago... it certainly tugged my heartstring when i saw it again 5 years later....

after three weeks plus or so, the top four is born. netherlands, my favourite orange jersey people, uruguay, the unexpected, it could have just been ghana, germany, the rally on form team and lastly, spain, which i sincerely hope woul dget their asses kick by germany in the semi finals.

these days have been very cold days. and yesterday was one of the worst for me. keep getting caught in the rain. it wasn't the heavy heavy rain kind, but it was slight drizzle the whole day. so everywhere i went, i got caught in the rain bit bit here and there.. didn't bathe until at night around 11 plus. and plus the fact i slept only 3 hours the day before.... i was shivering.. and feeling very very cold while waiting for the match of spain and paraguay to begin.... and thanks to the wonderful creation of panadol... i took only one pill.. and after a while... i felt so much better.. really quite scared tt i will fall sick and all cos i dun have the time to fall sick.

well, all thanks to our wonderful creator, he gave me a beautiful sunday, a well rested body and the best boyfriend, had a nice cosy sunday.

i miss you

i forgot how painful cramps can be. i almost forgot all the aching symptoms that i have before it comes... and it all came back today. i always dream of having a hot water bottle to hug.... forgot how much i need it in the past, and the painful aching feelings all came back today.... nonetheless... my lovelies gave me a wonderful time today. i forgot abt the pain halfway through, and the pain actually left for a while.. but now at night.. in the middle of england v germany match, the pain is back.

board games are so fun... i feel like going back on ladies night.. which is a tues.. not this tues... hmmmm.... some arranging needs to be done. i still think the question about who u wanna get to do a shady business.. how could anyone have thought of me. i'm not tt dark... and meticulous... haha!

i love u girls and my boy... always will.. who else can tolerate me anyway.....

i'm so digging the new dcp world cup tee shirts... but 50 bucks for a tee shirt?? hmmmm.. and a working class girl doesn't have much opportunity to wear one anyway.. but it's sooo cute!

and yes ghana!! you're in!

more than half of the top 16 is out. halfway there.... for me too. i'm a very happy girl recently... at least i know i got nothing to be unhappy about. somehow... something still seem to be missing... oh well.... soccer has made my nights happier... hang in there first and see where i will land.

i think i made my daddy the happiest this entire month. everytime he comes home, the soccer channel is on. every single time.. unlike the past.. he had to fight the tv for it, and since there are 2 women in the house, he obviously don't get his way all the time. except saturday.. the ladies of the house decided to give him one night.. and that's sat. so this whole entire month, he's going to be a happy man.. coming home to soccer everyday.. i know my boy is not like that.. i wonder does he want to come home to cartoon everyday instead. hhahahaa!

so the next match.. ghana and australia... go ghana!

alot of people start to put distance between themselves and other people, be it in a drift away style or interact very little with people is usually cause they are afraid. they are afraid people will see through them. they have things to hide. maybe not in the bad way.. more of maybe they are feeling moody, emotional.. or simply in a i don't give a shit to this world kind of mood so they don't want to be near people, to pretend to enjoy company. they rather be by themselves. and the other kind is they have a true self tt maybe only really close people know. or maybe only they themselves know and no one else know and they are afraid that people outside will find out this secret self... and judge. thus, they rather not interact.

for instance.. a person can start drifting away from a group... and hang out less outside.. keep going home after work/school. u think tt person is in a emotional, moody period.. but it might not be. when people drift away from social group, maybe cause they done something that they are not proud of, they are upset... and they know people will judge.

so why oh why do people judge... that's like a whole separate issue really.

i need a retreat.

the long wait is finally over! i'm very very excited... the world cup is starting in less than 3 hours time. wooots. =) it's going to be a month of sleepless nights but roaring excitement. maybe alot of people might not understand why i'm so excited about it.... even my own boy don't. hahaa... i'm never a girl who likes soccer. what league what league.. i never ever watch.. but i just like world cup.. ask me who i support ar... not any country in particular.. just like to support it match by match.. make some predictions... overall champion.. hmmm.. maybe brazil... any country but SPAIN. haha.. oops.. i got something against them. i wonder why.

i just bought a new laptop.. rubee!! i'm really happy. finally.. the antique can be used for only office purpose. i don't have to carry laptop to and fro. no more heels and heavy load in arms. and if u guys know, i'm a sucker for high heels.. like quite high heels.. cos i think those are the only ones that are pretty.. and so my poor feet suffers with me. ahahaa.

back to world cup.. first match.. host country vs mexico.... i'm thinking it might be a draw.... mabe host can surprise me? i need more people to watch with me.. spread the joy. hahaa...

i'll be back

hello world.... i'm back. am i long forgotten? replaced? in anyway... i'm back. =)

it's been a very meaningful journey for myself in the last 6 months. a journey that i intend to continue walking. somewhere that i see myself walking to without seeing any end to it. yet. haha.... whatever it is, it's good to be back. i should start keeping track of my thoughts, share my beliefs, my nonsense again. i do miss bloggging quite abit where i can rattle and rattle.

i hope people still come here to check on me every once in a while....

how much a friendship means to us largely depends on the memories we created with that person. how much this friend means to us depends on all the things we went through together, be it the happy ones or the sad ones.

a friend holding u and telling you everything is ok when you are crying your eyes out. or a friend who skipped classes with you and go spend the afternoon slacking or playing somewhere. all these are memories that will follow us through the years and even when now you lost contact with that particular friend, you will think back of the good times you had tgt and also all the memories you created with that person, big or small ones, you would be prompted to automatically go pick up the phone and call him/her. or maybe drop a message. we do this little actions cos we remembered. all the memories we share with that person, and how much this friendship had meant in the past.. or means to us right now.

A gift of love

the phrase let time tell it all is so appropriate to use at this point of time. time has told me what i knew right from the start. what i chose not to fully believe in but time has told me what i need to know. time has proven things right. things are slowly changing and i m aware. i'm sure no one is that insensitive to be unaware. why prolong it, i wonder. maybe it's better to let time sink in further den abruptly calling it off. i'm dreading things.

a very long month ahead of me.

i'm really upset!! frustrated.. and how many times over the past few years i kept feeling like this... why am i being punished!!!!!

yes, it's been quite some time since i last blogged and i promised i will blog before the month of january end. so tonight's my deadline.

it's been one whole roller coaster ride month for me. alot of new things learnt, alot of harsh lessons included. different kind of people you meet and different kind of experiences. but i have to say, i'm still learning, moulding and shaping myself. things hasn't been all rosy but it won;t get me down, cos i know i haven;t gave it my best shot.

for those who know me well enough.. am sure i have been going around bragging abt myself signing up a marathon! 21km!! woots for me! oh.. my dear xcyflawz.... we are going to have a cny eve reunion like we always do right.. lunch time?? 13th lunch??? pls tell me who cannot make it sooon....

i love new year. it gives me a feel that whatever i screwed up or failed to do, i can always make it right again. so i will tell myself, like how i tell myself every other year, this year is going to be a goood year for me. and i'm going to complete all my new year resolutions and get all that i want! give me some credit here yea. i m trying to be optimisitic for the new year and i need all the enthusiasm or optimism to carry me through 2010.

another reason why i love new year is also cos it gives me the excuse to change all my old stuff to new ones. and i will use the new year to pack abit.... revamp abit... all to make me feel happier abt my so called new beginning.. now now now.. all i lack of is a new calendar... be it those stick on the wall.. or flip kind.. I NEED A NEW CALENDAR. someone.. pls? ahhaaaa