i finally realised why i cannot sleep early at night. i thought is because i m chatty, i want to talk on msn. i thought it was because i want to play games, play till wee hours. but i realised no. that's not the case at all. it's because i can't. when i lay in bed early, i tossed and turned maybe an hour? if lucky, lesser than that. basically, i can't sleep so early. my mind tend o wonder off. worrying about this, thinking about that. I think sooner or later, I will look older than my age and then gradually, i will look like a old hag. why can't my worries be cleared? why can't my anxieties be removed? sometimes i pray, and other times i cry. i don't know how long of this life can i stand anymore. how long can i tolerate all these anymore.

i don't know if it's all the thoughts, all the anxieties and problems stressing me up but the emotions cannot help but welled up inside me. i start to ponder and question. i'm so confused. still. i really need all the support i can get. i need pple to understand, to tolerate at this point of time. if not, i dunno what will happen. i might really collapse.

dear god..... pls give me an answer soon

may god be on our side through this... and i seriously need support now. not more troubles.

thanks for siding me, i wun ever let u down. tt's why.. it's more important that i settle stuff myself.

anyone free for coffee on fri evening?

it's the chinese new year, with new clothes and new wishes but why do i feel like even when the the day hasn't come and i'm pretty screwed up already? fear, disappointment, disorganised... everything is in a whirl.

finally... all done on my cny shopping. ended with a last pair of heels. personally like it alot. but mummy saes it's too mature for me.. so what should i be wearing?? nike dunks!!?? lol.. issit spelled this way.. anyway.. private joke. i've got everything on the last shopping list i made, except maybe a flops. am very satisfied already. since when can i almost complete my shopping list? but i did!! lalala.. am really happy!!!

just came back from a free movie-- dreamgirls. my first time watching a free show. the boy got it free from some competition.. he joined and won, probably due to lack of participation. not too bad a show, like a mini musical. quite long, i reckon. maybe cos i m not a fan for blacks movie. but beyonce has a really good figure. can't help but keep looking at her bod. something funny happened in the show.. but it's not as funny typed out. so ya.. shall only tell those who are interested.

bb is being really sweet and nice. thanks for everything. it feels as if with u around, i wun feel alone anymore. thanks for being so understanding. thanks alot. =) hugss

am really happy.. except that the fact tt my body feels a little wierd. like running out of batt. heavy head.. coughing.... headaches as well... and a tummyache. feels sick.. / but am still a happy happy girl!!!!

applications are always a chore. especially when someone like me lost copies of my result slips. things get even more mafan, cos have to call them and ask for it?? =/ life is so miserable now. and to think tmr is v day.

on a lighter note, i've bought most of my stuff.. now only left shoes.

just want to sae i'm very proud of you chin... =)

bought a dress today. sumhow i feel that it's rather retro. all these many years, i never ever wear something that i bought for the first day of new year often. some even worse.. wear once only. maybe this retro dress too... but i wanna wear more dresses for the upcoming year. dresssss.. =) not forgetting levi's. oh oh... need to invest in a good pair of heels too.

it's quite crap that the afp starts in march and it's in the morning. did they never consider that people might want to work fulltime??? like this.. my official starting day of work can only be in april.. wasted. might ve to reject quite a few jobs cos of that... =/

i want a driving license. but considering how much people spend not during the course of getting the license but rather the expenses after that. furthermore.. a car is nto as cheap as a bike. so where's the car coming from even after i get a license. neeed some planning. ask if daddy can buy for me.. if yes.. i iwll go take it now. if not.. den maybe wait a while more when i m financially more capable

love everything about my life right now.. except the finance issue.. and the roof. oh well..... looking forward to a nice year.

finally... levi's in my hands.. and so far top the list of most expensive jeans in my history. but all's worth it. love it!!!

finally got an organiser! can start writting down dates for important dates and events. =)

went shopping for clothes today. it can be so tough when u have a budget. can't wait to work and get more money den i can buy buy buy without budget!! i want tt levi's jeans very very much!!!! shopping again tmr. pray mummy's in a good mood and then that pair of levi's will be mine! la la la....

the word O-V-E-R never held more meaning to me now than any other time. i've graduated! 3 years of hard work and joyous moments ave finally came to an end. this is kind of like a conclusion section of a chapter but not the offical one yet. i would count grad ceremony the real offical one.. or issit grad night? but anyway, this marks somewhere at the end of my chapter and here i m going on to the transition period. a period before the new chapter begins. there will be confusion, that's for sure. there would be doubt, unsure... of how to begin the next chapter or what to anticipate. there will be doubt of how people may change, how i would change.. how i would transit out and start something new to me.

but anyway, it's over!!! i know all of u are congratulating me.. and smiling with me as u read this entry.. am really happy. i want to be happy all the way from now to chinese new year. i want to carry excitement while i wait for what lies ahead of me. clear the doubt. clear all the negativity. i want to bring out the best in me for this important period of my life!

ok.. i'm getting a little over. here's some thoughts: perfection seemed so harsh to me yet i still hold on to it all the time. i want perfection in my life. i dun wan anything that's less perfect. this is why perfection always adds pressure to me and everyone around me sometimes. it causes me unhapiness at times yet i still hold on to it. however, perfection seemed to change its scope of definition after a while. something that seems so perfect in the past looks like a mistake to me now. so what am i holding on to? perfection is so hard to grasp.. yet i still want to hold on to it.

i need that organiser sooon!!!

a list of splurges:

1. a pair of Levi's jeans
2. a good pair of heels
3. new flats would be good too
4. a nice dress
5. a nice top
6. a good mouse that won't spoil so fast
7. nice funky belt
8. nice handbag
9. new lipgloss, protective type

i thought i would have a long list.. apparently not.

yes.. i know i ought to be studying. but reading all those rules and regulations of my notes really bored me alot so that's why i decided to look around for nice skins and ta da.. i found this. new year new skin! =)

cannot wait for thurday to be over.. then can go eat goood foood den can come home and relax guiltfree-ly. i cannot wait. i need to do new year shopping. i want a new pair of levi's jeans but that silly mummy of mine sure wun allow one.... think i got to find some money to buy it.. most probably borrow. but i wan a nice pir of jeans that suit me. fit me.. fill me. hahaha

i love this skin.... dun u all love it too?

i have been resting and resting, relaxing all the way since the end of pm paper. haven't started any serious studying on fmrp. grrrrrr.... he say dun cramp... and i dun want to. but just cannot pick up the mood to study. sleepy mood. lazing around. playing games 24/7. thinking of all the things i've got to do once the last paper officially ends. i'm half anticipating and half declining it. i guess this marks the end of a chapter and the beginning of the new chapter.

hmmm.. went to a few websites of the local unis. i guess if i go ntu... it would only be for their banking and finance. but den again, ntu is so far and i got no wish to stay in hostels... now.. let's see nus an d smu... am interested in something related to the law. but then again, will i be able to cope it. and i m more interested in corporate law.. dun ve to study all of law.... den den den again.... i might not want to waste time studying in lcoal unis... and go into private unis where i can work and study at the same time... arhhh... sians

all these of matters i ve to decide once exams are over.. apart from getting ready for chinese new year of course

i never knew reading that can make me emo. there are some parts that are really touching. i miss courtship days where every thing seemed so pure and innocent. where u look into the one's eyes and u see nothing but love. where eyes spoke so much and a small kiss meant so much. these are things tt our hope continued relationship would not miss out. body lang, eye contact means alot. the communication, the love message..... even if we got bored of our routine life... the love is still there, we just got to find our way back to the passionate days... but the love is always there. i remember asking you why u love me... and i'm seriously very sweetened by ur answers. for someone who doesn't express himself well and often... those were words that meant alot to me. even after a year.... i still see myself loving u more and more each and every day.