i'm so glad i decided to meet up with my girls after all today. i'm actually in my best mood now ever since the start of this week. maybe it's the tgif thing but i'm sure our usual friday night in with the guess show helped a greal deal. i'm feeling alot better than any other days in this week. thanks alot girls.. although most probably, angel will only read it. never mind, help me convey to the rest, k.. i really appreciate it.

very very much appreciate all the little gestures of concern i received from pple. really. this week has been rough for me. my morale has not been this down since a long time already. downcasted like the grey skies threatening that a storm's ahead. moods to the very extreme big B-- bad. and really sorry how badly i may ve mistreated my boy.

i ve to admit, i'm pretty lucky through out my entire life. i knew that when i came to deal with the fact tt i cannot handle stress. simply speaking, i break down. needless to say, someone who still has difficulty managing stress and anger suck most at handling something tt i cannot do anything about. people always sae we only learn to treasure things when we lose them or in jeopardy in losing them. i totally agree. but on the other hand, if i never go through this, i would not noe how to treasure or even learn how to. it's a must go through process i would say. this week has really been rough and tormenting. it became clear to me tt i started rejecting helping hand and support tt it suddenly occured to me tt i'm recoiling. away from life, away from pple. this is so familiar and once part of my life. but i met friends. i met pple who changed my life. so i ve no intention of repeating tt part of myself to disappoint pple whom care for me and whom i care for. so i reach out to the many hands available. and open up, it's a good start isn't it? or i would start living my life like a recluse all over again.

so it's another learning lesson in my life. no biggie yea? i certinaly hope i can handle it. so i still say i'm so glad i had my little gathering with my girls. it's really the thing i need before i drop.

it's a turning point. it definitely is.

i cannot help but think what a lucky girl she is. i know two things cannot be compared. but it's just a thought. her love never hit her hard on the head... always cushioned back by his love for her. if only i was in that shoes....

nonetheless.. it's just a random thought, on a random night. i'm a big nana fan all of a sudden. angel.. if u see nana movie... the girl who acted as nana.. sux!! she's just not cool enough to pull if off. she went as far as trying so hard to act cool only. =/

amelia.. at camp... jia you!!!

 

my frozen roses 

i'm surprised to see angel's little message and even more surprised to see the time she typed the message. i mean.. hello girl?? aren't we supposed to watch the guess show together tat that time!!?? naughty naughty.. doing it right under my nose. but i'm slow enough to find out only now... lol. anyway... here's update.. in case girls out there nag at me once more.

today is my chinese birthday!!! dunno why but it seems like a big deal to me this year.. usually, i dun even care. maybe cos today marks a special day as well. anyway. early in the morning.. mummy cook mee sua for me. to think i thought and trusted that her mee sua improved.. no more use spoon scoop that type. today is the same thing again. i think is cos she added alot of ingredients. that's why. the noodles seems so much, the ingredients. which totally suck away any soup that's remaining. but anyway, thanks mummy. it's nice to eat. i finished everything, k! and even wash the bowl and clean up.

after which, i waited for my boy to come. he said he needs to come over my place to put something in the fridge. and also partly cos he noes that i wun get ready so fast. come to think of it.. i took like at least more than an hour to get ready today, right? anyway.. i can't sae i'm surprised and clueless that's hé is giving me something today. or else i will totally sound like some ulu pandan pumkpin.. acting all innocent and retarded at the same time but i must admit. i didn't expect him to give wad he give.. i noe it will be related to flowers.. but yet.. i just cannot put the pic together until i saw wad he did today. i even thought he's gg to use the bottle to put a rose in and deco or something. but none of the sort.. he gave me frozen roses... it's really unique. even better if there's nitrogen liquid... but nvm.. i really apprecaite it.. =) it's pretty. i'll take a pic of it later. thanks alot.

after which, i planned a day that will fully make use of all 4 trips of our mrt concession and a dinner and tiong bahru and then esplanade. it was first to town to walk walk.. den to tiong bahru.. den to city den back home. exactly 4 trips. lol.. i thought rajainn close down... but they didn't. in fact.. they kinda revamp the menu a little.. and buisness look not too bad. den rooftop at esplanade. finally.. can go there as a couple, instead of being one of those people who go there make noise and disturb couples only. but nowadays ar.. rooftop at esplanade is nothing already. it's crowded with muds.. making a whole lot of noise.. oooh... not to mention, i ate nice yummy waffles today as desserts!!! yaynesss~!!! little boy.. promise me more of such days will come, k?? less of stuck home days... =) oh.. and let's visit more of marketplace too!!!?? i noticed we got alot of things to put in "our home" next time yea. ahahha

oh.. eve.. i saw the evil woamn and sad boy couple today. he's even carrying her bag for her.. handbag summore. speaking of that ar, i really think woman who wants their bfs to carry bags for them are wierd to the max!!! it makes ur bf look henpecked and not the least bit macho, and not only that, how heavy can a small handbag be? i'm not even toking about bag.. i'm toking about HANDBAGS!!?? and if that puny handbag is tt heavy.. DUN BRING!!! grrr.

ok. enough updates?? =)

hello update :)

-gel

my shit motivator is back! and just like i told her, she ges all the bad things out of my system and out of my life... keeping me fresh to await for new stuff.. nutrients. lol... i wanna graduate!! and join u sooon! maybe after we hanged out more.. i will become a regular shit person already. right!!?? meet up soon. i wanna see my disney products! and phucket tibits!! i love my shit motivator. and please, my dear girl, although ur new life will start again pretty soon. like a new chapter.. i'm not just any old chapter.. but a bookmark for u to bring along in every other new chapters u go to. so dun forget me in days of loneliness. am always with u. =) love u!!!

the long awaited. in less than an hours time is the start of the final match of world cup. italy vs france. have been keeping myself updated this whole month.. staying up late to watch. and also betting. and also new aspirations. lol. i'm gg to miss world cup once it ends.. but i await the next one in 4 years time.. by then, i will becoem a bookie. (oops.. not supposed to say in public. later get caught, based on this statement) lol.

things will end. eventually. but that doesn't stop me from looking forward to the arrival of new things. looking forward to my dreams. new hopes. and new drive. my shit motivator is right... i do need to self flatter at times. to keep myself going
if i dun, i will find it really tiring working so hard cos i will feel like i'm not making ny progress so occasionally its good to flatter myself abit. and also work hard and play hard. i ve a goal already. tt's when the full force of drive comes in. =)

i love tsubasa!

amelia is in hong kong now. and i bet she's enjoying herself big time! i make sure i go on a big holiday next year after i graduate to spite her while she's in uni. i'm jealous mans. i hope she buys something good back for me.. a watch?? may be fake.. but if it's so real, i would gladly accept it. hahha.. nd her last msg to me was on sunday early morning tt she hate france.. i concuseed after tt night's match tt i only saw her message the next afternoon. so i cannot reply... but here's the reply... i like france!! dun hate them. realised we always like different things?? but it's quite cool lah... cannot imagine us liking exactly same stuff. bet we wun be this close if we do.

and the reason why i'm even talking about her is cos here i am studying for my test tmr... tt i cannot stop my mind from thinking wad a good time she's having over there. and i cannot help it when my heart turns green upon that thought. i'm so tired.. i dun feel like studying. i wanna sleep. and tmr got match.. lol.. world cup is totally turning my life a little upside down. but it's well worth. 4 years once.. lol.. maybe next 4 years.. i take one month off from work to watch. if it can ever happen. oh wait.. wad i toking about. of course it can happen... i'm gg to be my own boss. right amelia?? see.. i'm thinking about her again. ahha.

bd.. cf... matches.. ea... i wanna clear all these!! and on top of it all. i wan to sleep!

waking up in the morning with you beside is something i can definitely get accustomed to. doubts and insecurities are always cleared with every single one of ur embraces. right now at this very moment, there's no doubt a bit at all.