i realised i have so many people in my life who are irritating yet i can't do without them. these people can really irritate the hell out of me, i really get pissed pissed. not those normal angry type but the boiling types, the exasperated kinds yet, the next minute, they make me laugh like crazy, make me feel so loved, and make me feel i really can't do without them. now now now.... what do you call such people

with the financial turmoil in the society, there's still a large problem exisitng. for some reason, i keep seeing talk shows online relating to more and more singles choosing not to marry, not to give birth or cannot even find the right partner.

a few weeks before, it's a documentary on why singles cannot find each other and their expectations as well as married couple not wanting to give birth. last week or something, i saw news that some association organised a "match-making" session where parents come forth and bring pictures of their own children to show one another. This i thought is a little absurb. then this week i saw another talk show about Dating agency coming in to help and more discussion why singles are not meeting one another. i think there's a woman talk show coming up on channel u? and the first topic they started on is woman not wanting to get married or give birth.

well well well, is it that difficult to find a partner nowadays? i think maybe at our age now, no one actually worries about that and also maybe in 10 years time, this problem will not exist anymore. but why is everyone finding it hard to find partners? from the talk show, i heard some woman who works in financial sector.. working envirnoment could be all female and working till wee hours. when weekends come, they will ask good friends out to chill and all. no time to socialise. wad abt the guys? i think they think singapore girls are hard to maintain or something? or they think singapore girls expect too much. yes, this is all true but don't guys grow with the society? do they expect their girls to be like woman of the past? woman in the 60s? stay @ home and wait for their husbands to come back?

i think as the society progressed, people's mindset changes and people progressed. maybe the ladies progressed further cos they want to grow out of being a housewife or staying @ home. they want their career and they strive to achieve more. and man out there, their mindsets progressed but just not as far? is that it?

hmmmm.. i'm really learning to cherish the guy with me right now, not cos i scared i can't find any other people. more of r/s is really difficult to start. firstly, it's difficult to meet that one person in the world big city. den it's even difficult to actually love someone.. and much more difficult that that someone loves you back. so when the probability is soo small, why don't i cherish the one i love with me.

i succumbed to the temptation of luxuries yet again. second time... i'm feeling guilty yet i just cannot help it. it's just one of those nights. am i a spendthrift?

third week of school and already i m feeling overwhelmed. so stressed, i got so much things to do and some things not necessarily i know how to start doing them. =/ gosssssh! =/ is this really life?

i enjoy balancing studying hard and playing hard but i need to be able to see the playing part in view. so that i constantly know what am i looking forward to. like a nice planned weekend ahead or some activities to be done. all these will motivate me much more. is this wrong?

there are so many things in my list of wants right now and i have so limited resources to get them.

1. Shu uemura cleansing oil (i think it's pretty goood)
2. Shu uemura Depsea water (if there's remaining money)
3. Fil beauty and spa's facial 75 minutes ( i don't even know how much is it)
4. Running top (though i have already)

darn, i'm having a mental block right now and i can't think. but i'm sure there's lots more. and yes, everything is related to beauty and fashion. well, i'm a girl you see.

i'm a happy girl today, after so long. but i think things will get better. =)

i have to admit i am a little disappointed but i'm not sad.

i know it's for the better.

you know it's coming to an end when:

1. there's no more hello pecks and goodnight kisses
2. your messages don't get any reply in 24 hours
3. he doesn't look into your eyes anymore
4. whatever you do irritates the hell out of him
5. and vice versa
6. bitter memories linger longer than sweet ones
7. you fight faster than you make up
8. lust is lost to love
9. absence don't make the heart fonder
10. you start to plan things alone, not together.

this list can actually go on and on. but it's getting a little depressing. i'm a person of the future.

at least i managed a little readings here and there and got some stuff settled. hello to the new week. i hope this weekend will be better

rejoice to the weekends! i have been looking forward to this weekend much more than i did in the past 3 months! finally a breather and to get a headstart on note reading before it gets too late and become catch up. after the settling down week of school, next week would be the busy getting stuff week, get stuff i mean textbooks and materials.

well, ironically, this lovely weekend is to be spent without the dear one. and i wun see him till mooncake festival sunday. which of course i can't wait already. but wadever it is, i'm not going to waste the weekend away while he's on duty. i would have a list of things to do and plan before he gets out.

lots of things are not within my control anymore. but i just wan to do my best and be my best.

hey guys, help me out.. when i sae BEACH, wad country comes to ur mind? SEA please.

it's true that different people have different perspective and preferences. that's not wrong right? but will these differences be fatal to the relationship we try to build with each other? and even if i deem them to be fatal in the future, what can i do about it in the present.

when i'm on an optimistic note, i will tend to think that i'm a future looking person. some people might think that means i don't value the present but no, i just forsee what could or could not happen due to some things in the present and i dwell on them. and optimistically, this could be said to be having some sort of foresight? i mean, i had alot of scenerios where i could tell people, i told you so. okok, foresight might be a strong word. something along that line (i'm suffering from serious mind block). pesimistically, i dwell too much on what could happen and make myself cannot enjoy the present. it always comes back to making a balance. which is so difficult.

someone told me before, i have mental block. mental block to the world out there, to the people i meet, to the things that happen to me. i start to think these things will definitely end up this way, when i never open my mind to it. well, so far, nothing has proven me worng but could it be due to my mental blockage? yes, but how far of such blockage is due to my mind or my preference. how do i differentiate. whenever i thought i was sure of the answer, i don't dare to be sure anymore cos someone will be pointing fingers at me. it's so scary, how judgemental the world is. i can't blame them. i could be people's judge at times too.

i'm threading on a thin line right now. will it snap, will i get through? only God knows and i need to pray hard to him everyday.

a day spent not exactly the way i wanted to. my body didn't even behave itself. i slept the night before with a splitting headache, thinking it would be over when i wake up. yet, i still woke up with the splitting headache. wanted to get a headstart on the notes and all, but thinking of my unsolved stupid examination fees problem, my heart went cold. and plus, the headache got worse. it was quite bad to the extend that i was shivering on the sofa just minutes before i go for tuition. plus plus, i had to run 2 houses today. my tuition life is getting tougher, as the PSLE exams draw nearer.

so after popping down two panadols, i just headed back to tuition. almost died on the bus, but took a short nap and when i reach the destination, i'm actually feeling pretty ok. thank god for no school and no tuition tmr. and i can finally see him after so long. yes, i know it's not that long. but it's going to be a short, brief meetup for a longer separation till sunday. hahaha, so drama, i know. well, this is leona. first day know me?

i really must get a headstart on reading up sooon.

lots of mixed emotions as i woke up this morning, packed my newly-appointed "study table" and my bag to get ready for school. somehow, not even new stationery could cheer me up. i used to adore first days of school, cos i would definitely get a new bag for it, new stationery, new clothes sometimes too. maybe i'm not as excited this time round, cos i dun ve a new bag? but well, it could be the results that created immense pressure on me even before school officially starts. i know i can do it when i put my heart to it, it's just that i'm not sure my perserverence can hang in there till the next exams.

and as i try to relax, ripping cds into the the laptop that has just reformatted, i start to think about people's relationships with one another. as new friendship starts to bloom, does that mean the old ones are wilting? and even if the old ones are not wilting and dying away, are we putting in enough effort to make it stay alive or are we taking it for granted that it will always bloom for us as and when we want to. is it that difficult to juggle new and old stuff @ the same time? i'm beginning to think maybe it's not difficult to balance it but one of it is definitely priority over the other whether we want to admit or not. and we play different roles to different people's lifes as well. we'll be happy for the new friendship but if i were to belong to old friendship, i'll feel sad about it.

and now, as i carry a injured lower back, and a sore throat, i'll have to prepare more positivities as i step into my new school year.

my timetable is out. i have a very very very long monday. from 2 to 10. 3 classes in total. breaks here and there but still.. it's 2 to 10pm! grrr...

how is this going to help me cure mondayblues.