sometimes i get really angry. i mean some people really like to make empty promises. it's as if i am just a piece of dirt to them. like me... piece of dirt. those people only know how to hold their dignity high up, and trample on mine as if it were just a speck of dirt. i can only give my rolled eyes and pathetic views to being h*m*ly. gosh... i am really very pissed off when i m not valued, esp when i value u so much i wanna keep this friend. grrrrrrrrrrr!! arggghhghghhgg.... i m really angry.

was watching this show and thinking alot abt modern era, abt r/s between ad womand and a man, also about friendship, kinship, etc. got me thinking quite abit. maybe i will share them again when i m in the mood to type. meanwhile, i need to cool off abit cos i m still really angry!

i was told, taught and reminded constantly that i have to be thankful for things around me. somehow, this is really a challenge to me. cos i really don't know how to. maybe the only thing that i wanna be thankful for today is tt im glad that spring chicken i bought tasted nice. and i'm glad chin's here to share with me.

i know it sounds so ..... but yet.. i cannot find anything to be thankful for tosay or tmr.. or the day after next. there's this huge load inside me that i dunno how to drop. and it's pressurising me to the limit mans.

i rather be studying for exams, doing whatsoever.. so as long as i noe i will be ok. i just wanna try not to think so much, be simple and happy. why issit more complicated now.

Firehouse - Love don't care

Little girl, face all black and blue
But she knows better
That's not the way a man should treat you
But that's ok, she'll change her life tonight
She's leaving him
For a woman who will treat her right

And everybody needs somebody
She could be with anybody
Doesn't matter if it's not another man

Chorus:
Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
If you ain't hurting anybody
And if you feel it deep inside
Then love don't care who you love
Don't care who you love

Little girl, she's no sister, she is white
But she loves a brother
Takin' him home to meet her folks tonight
Mom and dad don't understand
We're all the same inside
They just don't realize
That love is always colorblind

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
It's not the color that makes the man

Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
Don't let anybody tell you
That it's wrong if it feels right
'Cuz love don't care who you love
Love don't care

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
So love someone who makes you happy

anyone wanna do xmas exchange with me??? i'm so in the mood.. first on my list is of course my longest friend.. amelia!! ahaha

recharged after the weekend. looking forward to the dec holidays

two places i really want to go on holiday right now and they both begins with T. however, my dream holiday would be to go with my friends.. or nic. both seemed quite impossible somehow... =/

i really hope you'll be ok.

immersing myself in jay chou's new songs. some are really fantastic. like some notes, phrases, words, chords just strike some emo-ness in me.

waiting is never a good feeling. simple things like if i was waiting for a call, i wouldn't dare to go bathe or do anything else but wait for that call. if it's fruitful, then never mind, but if the call i was waiting for never came, won't i be wasting my time. friends are now all studying for exams, stressing, rushing to meet project deadlines yet i'm still struggling here, looking for meaning in my life. i was just telling amelia moments ago that casting lots of obligatory stuff that i have to do, i'm pretty much leading a life of a solitude. i'm still very much the same little girl i was years ago, just that i kind of managed to cover it up over the years. but when i peel off everything that's on the surface, i'm still that me. no where here or there.

i'm asking for directions.

at times, at certain points of my life, i feel quite lost. and right now it's one of them. i feel like everyday is going pass like a haze, blur and i cannot see what's in front of me. i lost something in my life, something that pushes me and tell me how to get out of this haze. i don't know what am i doing every day. and precisely because of this feeling, i've been doing some reflection.

i guess what bb said is right. i m self centred and when i'm like that, i get pretty outrageous. i forgot all my basics. and i can get pretty mean. i always ask baby to be more this more that, when i m not doing so myself. it's like whenever i get so close/intimate with someone, i tend to put down all the formalities and go beyond that. beyond tt line.. going overboard. is this just me? i think i really need to put in some thoughts and make some changes. i'm pretty lost about my life.. and i'm pretty lost about what i value in life. and being in the haze, i lost quite a few stuff and people.

i need some guidance. something to guide me out of this.. and to start somewhere afresh. no matter what others do, i should be able to look back at what i did and say i tried my very best.

i really really want to go jay chou's concert!

a nice public holiday spent. caught "The Game Plan" with the baby. very nice show. makes me feel like being daddy's little girl again. was asking baby if it induced some paternal instincts in him. haha.. what was i thinking? this baby of mine is such a woodblock. i would be surprised if it even induced any emotion in him. but i know both of us enjoyed the movie very much. was freaking tired after the show, wanted to cab home and it was so diff to hail a cab. what a shame.. both of us can drive.. yet we had to spend quite some time waiting for the cab. okok.. this was EVE of public holiday.

woke up this morning, went to get breakfast together.. then came home to slack. i like to spend a day no rush, no book ins..... but no choice, he had to book in tonight. now.. it's sat that i m looking forward to.

leona's a happy girl. a good break starting since sat. after my disasterous theory exam on sat, i decided not to give any hoot about it anymore. so lunch with chin at j8. haha... j8 always brings back memories... all the ij times and all. and j8 changed alot too. nothing much, went home after that to wait for my hon.

sat night was deliciously good. ahahha.. not the food part, it's the company and all the talks. all the old war stories by two old men. haha... entertaining i would say. but if hun was the one who told stories, it might be just half as entertaining only. haha.... oops. hope he doesn't read this. anyway.. am glad amelia is there with me. everything seemed so nice. 2 guys and a girl.. is simply not as nice as two guys two girls.. not a date.. but i love the feeling. my so called double date.... in inverted commas.

feels good to see him lying beside me everytime i wake up on sunday morning. i usually sleep before him because he wants to use the com to play games, check this and that. and i'm tired so i sleep first. but in the morning, i opened my eyes to his back. yes... we are not the typical couple who hugs to sleep. we end up each facing diff side. backside to backside. ahahhaa... sad yea? can u imagine? now single bed already like that, if ever next time we get bigger bed, the gap between us will just become bigger and bigger and bigger... infinity mans! ahaa.. putting that aside, it feels good to wake up together, and go church. life's greatest bliss. =)

den he book in but this week will not be so long. there's deepavali. first time in my life public holidays became so important.. and i cherished every one available esp in this past two months. so leona is a blissful and happy girl. for now. who knows what's going to happen in the future? bu at least i m grateful i am happy for now.

oh.. and i got my license!!! yippppeee!!! should have gone to join subaru contest!! for my car. i miss my baby.. =)