was listening to this radio broadcast programme on my way home. someone wrote in and said the person she liked is together with someone else. then she went on to say how sometimes love can be so sweet yet at other times it could be bitter and painful. and sometimes it hurt so much that u can't even cry. the tears just wouldn't flow.

it's just like having a crush. things were so simple then. u just yearn to see him. and just the sight of him daily, even once a day is enough to make ur day and sweeten it up. and if this crush is someone u know, there's even more chances to get sweeten up. like toking to him, or him showing random concern. and him just smiling at u, saying hi. all those feelings just slowly build up and the sweetness could already attract all the ants around u. then when u lay on the bed at night, thinking of the small exchanges u and him had for the day, even the sweetest dream cannot be compared already. then maybe u start braving up to want to tell him how u feel. however, this is only the sweet part.

what happen when u see him starting to hang out closely with other girls? what happens when u dun see him for more than a week? what happens if he stopeed showing u random concern, no more eye contacts, maybe even avoiding u? tt's when it gets bitter.. but what's painful is when you find that he got together with someone else. the one in ur dreams has someone else in his arms. now tt's painful, maybe even more painful than finding out he doesn't like u? then again it's objective. issit more painful to find out he's with someone else or more painful that he simply reject u?

i always feel very sad to find out people break up. unrequited love. or even 2 persons who deeply loves each other yet choose not to be together. being around with my silly baby has made my head plain simple. he taught me that something as complicated as love, is simply one plus one giving u two. sometimes his biggest merit is being simple... simplicity is the beauty isn't it? haha... i've decided to be silly with him too. nobody knows what will happen in the future.. if one day, something were to happen, and that i were to be saddened.. let it be. i can only grow from there. so since it's still the honey lovey-dovey sweet and happy phase, let it be too. but i'm really scared the day will come when i have to be hurt and be in pain.. okok, the last part was unnecessary.

anyway, am really really glad i passed my driving!! happy, elated, excited... can't wait for baby to come back from field camp to share this piece of news with him. 4 months of money, hard work has certainly paid off! 4 long months!!! but finally!!!

say helllo and congrats to the new qualified driver!

i've just been struck by lightning. took me a while to recompose myself. gosh... is that a sign already?

time to toughen up. no time to waste.

I'm in a mood to:

1. watch cheesy flicks like love comedys to cry my eyes out.
2. give lots of hugs and receive hugs
3. buy flowers to brighten up my house, like my all time fav, sunflowers
4. do nothing, esp not going to school
5. hug all my stuffed toys and smile like an idiot
6. do nothing except recollecting the past
7. lay on the sofa, get my ass bigger and do nothing but wait for the next day to come

okok... when am i behaving like an idiot!?? ahaha.... i'm in love!

down with the flu. baby say it's due to heatiness, every sign is present except fever. i'm like drinking more herbal tea than normal, trying to avoid heaty food (yes, the word is trying), yet, ulcer still there, caught the flu and now worst, got cramps. this is so sucky. esp the ulcer part. here's a part of the convo i had with baby just now.

me: dear, i think i need to take mc. cannot go school.
him: you don't need to take mc. ur school dun wan to go then dun go lo.

i'm just finding all sorts of excuses just not to go school, and feeling alright abt it. luckily for me, hari raya saved me for feeling guilty once. how many hari rayas are there? school can be a drag, don't ask me why. i hope these 2 yrs will pass faster, for me and for baby.

this is the start of yet another cycle. right after baby book in, there's this renewed rust i have in him. then as the week passes, i start to miss him till slowly, when the missinh gets so bad, the trust start to wear off.. den i start to feel insecure about this whole thing.. then when the day dear books out, i would find a dread to do anything but just wait for his return. den when i finally get to see him, life just got by in a blur. everything happen so fast till the end of the cycle and the start of the another cycle. so yes, now i'm at the beginning of the cycle. the cycle is regardless of time, cos sometimes there's one week confinement.. den i actually just miss him alot. but the past 3 weeks was crazy. thus, i came up with this cycle theory.

nonethess, i found this new trust faith in him. i dunno how. went to church today and Father was toking about being grateful. i had my bumps, my rough period of times but things all turned out well, the way they should be. the way i know i wun have regrets. so i should be thankful.

i should be thankful that classes are starting well now, no more hiccups. i should be thankful that i finally got my tb and thus, i should start studying now. i should be thankful that i ve my frens around now and then to chat, to meet up... actually, thinking i should be thankful in particular to chin and amelia. =) i should be thankfukl that baby is fine and safe in army. i should be thankful that God sent him to me and walk with me a life worth living for. i should be thankful how much he loves me and it's only fair that i give him back the amt of love and trust. n the list goes on....

so hope i'll recover soon, never like the feeling of sneezing my nose off.

good nights.

i m so happy!! baby is fine!! i m fine.... and I've got a lonnnnggg weekend.. and baby might come out tmr.. or sat!! but i m happy!! yipppee to hari raya!! no class on sat!!!

all relieved for nothing. and because baby cannot read reports still talk like he can read. i had my doubts but i trusted that he could tell whether ok or not. silly baby!! =/

after a spending a night worrying, i'm finally relieved. sunshine over rain! my baby is fine. =)

my health is deteriorating and so is my level of fitness. i'm growing fatter. while nic is growing healthier and fitter, his gf is growing fatter, and more unhealthy! fatness is a thorn in any women's flesh. I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!

today in the hawker centre, while eating alone, i thought of many things. just some random thoughts. like we noe birds wake up very early in the morning. but actually what time do they sleep?? what's the last timing we usually see the last birds around? like i said, they are random thoughts. i'm going to try keep my mood high up until sat! and wait for him to book out!

4 more days to go!! still no dateS!

i should blog once in a while when my mood's good. then at least people who reads my blog won't keep thinking leona is such a sad girl. too sad and never getting over it makes one pathetic. i dun wanna end up that way.

so yes, i'm happy. happy why? cos i finally got the cd i want and listening to it right now. happy cos my baby is surviving in army and i just visited him yesterdat. happy cos i've done all my tutorials except one. one tt i've been procrastinating ever since.. and still procrastinating. but shall not let tt affect my happy mood. happy cos i dun feel broke. happy cos this week has not began. monday is not the start of the week for me. tues den is. and sat is my end of the week by the way. happy cos mummy just went ntuc and bought so much things to stuff the fridge, like finally. no more empty fridge. happy cos i just ate mango cake! yummy. happy cos today's rain cleared the humidness in my house. and the list goes on. i'm too lazy to type,.

basically, i cannot wait for my baby to come back. sat.. tt's like 5 more days! counting down...

and why is no one asking me out to chill when it's such a stressful period... =(

Dear God, please grant me the strength.

i should post some entry in order to not seem to be like showing off my new phone. haha...

i've lots of things to do, really. but i cannot help but let my mind wander. my mind is in a mess. i don't know what to think and what not to think. what seemed to be right may be wrong and vice versa. i keep having aimless thoughts that naturally cannot conclude. i have difficulty staying focus because of that.

i really have lots of things to do.