angel, i'm really really proud of myself. fine, i know no biggie, but i can make my own variations of tomato sauce for the pasta. no cream sauce of course, due to the fact that i cannot handle cheese. gives me the urrgg reaction. but ya, finally, no more bottled sauce for my pasta. now to make my sauce better and smoother, i just need a food processer! blender...

i'm totally into cooking nowadays, although i know it's totally at the wrong time. anyway, i made CHINESE yellow noodles with tomatoes and chicken yesterday (tomatoes are my new fav ingredient too) and my baby totally mistook it as PASTA?? like hello?? how can chinese egg noodle, yellow in colour be mistaken for pasta??? and he even ate it.. and continue thinking it's pasta until today i realised his mistake!!

on a heavier note, i know some things are for life and so are some memories. but when people take things for granted, i can't help but feel that maybe, to say 'lifetime' is actually me trying to kid myself. somethings are just not meant to be? then again, i should concentrate on how to be happier, how to make myself happy, how to whip up more dishes and how to study harder. with the last item highly prioritised on my list.

good nights. next week would be good. i will make it good

I AM ALIVE!

and feeling refreshed. to start all the mugging to come

i've been having scary dreams lately. two nights ago, i dreamt that my eyes bled, due to my contacts. i still remember how red it looks, and blood dripping down from my eyes. scary. then just last night, i dreamt that i was given the death sentence. i still remember crying really bitterly, thinking and whining i still got alot of things i wanna accomplish. i cannot die just like tt. i still remember the date of the death sentence 210208. it's very freaky.

it's this thurs right. if anything happens to me on tt day, at least people who reads my blog knows that i had omen!

Had lovely pasta from L&N's. Pasta with prawns and Tomato Sauce.

If ever i was caught lying, i's not my fault. i was put up to it. haha

jazz bars can be so intoxicating. any women can be duped into marraige if a guy just propose there.... =)

i know i don't watch as much mediacorp productions nowadays, i used to be an ardent fan of all their productions. so when i flicked on the tv and watched a little of "Beautiful Scent", i recalled wasn't there a similar production last time? a girl with odd scent.. now portrayed by dawn yeo. wasn't it acted by jeanette aw? and a mother who loves to gamble because she lost her husband in. it was acted by huang biren last time and now by pan lingling. yes.. there are so much similarities.

haik, somtimes i feel that my time management skills, efficiency, planning is always put to test. one after another. when then can i get everything under control, in order and according to plan.

to those who are coming on sat... the nor hiang is ready!!! i'm so proud of myself! i know u guys will love me for it!

and OMG ANGEL!!!! i just read ur tag!! OMG OMG OMG!!! she's only a yr older than us right???? got pictures!??? ask her out la!! you closer to her right!!?? OMG OMG OMG!!!! OMG!!! got any links?? any blogs for me to read!??? OMG!!!

vday is coming and yes, my date is chin. this yr is a special year. cos i allow baby to slack on all the celebrations.. vday... how many days.. monthly affairs... all these he can slack abit or celebrate earlier.. but next yr... hee hee hee...... he will just die. i will always remember first vday... tt necklace gave in the cinema just when the show is abt to start. cassanova i remember. gosh, so dark, suddenly give me a package, like HOW TO SEE??? SO DARK CAN. and then pretend say wanan go toilet... but went down to get a bouqet of flowers for me. he pre-ordered i remember. SWEETNESS. then met up with some friends at pac coffee den went esplanade. those days still got go esplanade. nowadays... tt's luxury. no more! den den no dinner.. but cup noodles back home. classic. i will never forget. last yr.. hmmm. no flowers i remember.. how we celebrate. cannot really remember.. must pull out archives man! lol... first times are always the easiest to remember!

"your every word and endless promises.... how do i not love u more?"

a nice and sweet weekend spent. the long weekend just come and go in a blink of an eye. i cannot believe it but it's monday already and i have two tuitions later with 2 hrs in between to kill. wasn't it just yesterday mum, dad and i went to shop for the ingredients for the new year eve's steamboat reunion dinner? gosh.. the way time flies, it scares me.

thurs and fri were spent visiting. nothing much. every year without fail the visiting on second day will bore me. first day still not so bad. but everyone go like so many places on first two days, i add up two days worth of houses i go to and it's 3. tt's all! i notice a trend. everyone has psp. if not psp, they have nintendo ds and some even have gameboy to kill time. i think i need to invest in one next year. then i wun be so bored.

luckily, they boy came over on friday night. to keep me company and we spent time all the way till he booked in. his family dunno why so big, so much visiting to do. sat was spend on movie and our own mini steamboat reunion. the only regret was he didn't bring his vodka! steamboat plus liquor.. not a bad combi. sun was spend at yum cha. we wanted to go red star cos dear keep saying how nice how nice. oh wah.. the q was how nice how nice too. freaking long. dad was in a rush so he didn't want to q. den we went yum cha. alright but i think it's a little ex. oh, the reason why we go eat dim sum together was cos it's mum's bdae! so it's me, the boy, mum and dad. after which dear and i went funan, looking for his stuff and came home awaiting for book in.

i really enjoyed this weekend! one of the best. looking forward to this sat. steamboat at my place! and is anyone free this valentine's day? sad to say, but i'm free... =/

maybe i really need the break. not physically, but mentally. i've got to find my passion and my enthu back. i think and hope i can manage.

this cny better be good. cos i really need the break.

these days, i kept asking myself the same question again and again. how have i grown so far? then everytime i gave myself the same answers, no, i haven't grown at all. how am i different from the girl i was 3 years back? why am i still walking in circles. why haven't i grown stronger or more independent. i don't get it. issit that i don't try? but no, i did. i know i did. so why haven't i show progress.

why issit that silence still makes me insecured? why issit that neglect still makes me scared? why issit that when phone calls/smses not returned, the thought of being abandoned and thrown away haunts me. i keep living in the black hole that i dug for myself 3 years back. again and again.

oh well... happiness is that difficult to have. happiness just doesn't belong to me.

i dun understand why she must always do this type of things to make me worry. WHY!? grrr....

i m in a foul mood. mala will definitely cheer me up. yes, thank you very much for reminding me my puny and tiny social circle. something tt makes me so sad....

GRRRRR>>>>>

my yummy dinner! kembangan mee sua plus oyster egg!! =)

the 3 hour long king kong movie is being aired on scv, hbo channel. seriously when i watch it again, i couldn;t een last 3 mins and i will change channel. i couldn't sit and watch tt 3 hours long movie ever again. it's seriously boring and draggy know. and everytime i think this way, i will laugh at myself back then. why was it at tt point of time in 2005, i could sit still and watch tt movie? and share popcorn and drinks with the one beside me?!

haha.... amusing. seriously. we agreed half the time we are just enjoying the proximity and pretending to enjoy the show. it cracks it up everytime i think about it.

i m so bloated now. and tt's the results of being greedy.

we've checked in two years in this relationship. some people might say two years is short, some people might say it's long. well, to me, it's been a pretty eventful and meaningful two years. it's not short, but it's not long as compare to the many years we want to continue spending time with each other. in these 2 years, we've taught each other many things. and we learnt how to treasure and cherish each other. haha... i'm all alone on this special day with a beautiful bouquet of flowers at my side. but i know in the many years to come, i won't be.

Happy anniversary, my lover boy!

one fine sunday night, chin and i prepared ingredients to make won tons.

the triangular ones are the normal ones. try to be funny by making the round shape ones.

chin fying the won tons

TA-DA!!! end products!

here are some pictures we took for our pre-celebrated second year anniversary at Big Fish.

My all-time favourite warm chocolate souffle. doesn't look nice on the pic but it's deliciously yummy!

and the dinner ended with a kiss!

Some ghostly pictures we took while waiting for the bus.

and ta da!! my new nike dunks. aren't they pretty!?????

i had a pretty weird yet funny dream 2 nights back. it's funny to think back about it but i was scared awake then. i dreamt i bought won ton mee for my mum to eat. i was holding it when suddenly this piglet came charging at me and used his mouth to tear the packet of wonton mee out from my hands. it was furiously using its mouth to open the plastic container of wonton mee when i was trying to run away. when i turn back to take a look, it was charging at me again! (maybe cos he cannot open up the packet of wonton mee??) and as i was standing with feet apart, it stuck its head in between my legs! yuck.. i felt the pig's head and i shocked myself awake! scary...

and before this pig dream, i vaguely remember i dreamt baby and i went to gold class cinema to watch movie but dunno why, it was a horror movie and i dunno why we only got one seat so end up i have to sit on his lap. weird... a friday night that i didn't sleep much and ended so tired, and on sat night, i concussed close to 10 hours till this morning.

i'm actually feeling pretty sucky a few hours before the boy booked in, but with the cooling weather, and the 20 mins or so walk home, i kind of reorganised my thoughts and felt slightly better. not good, but not so foul like hours ago. and no, this has nothing to do with him booking in or him at all. it's just i look at my week that's about to start, i just kind of feel a sense of dread.

i don't like planning only week by week. i don't like the feeling of not being able to plan beyond a week. i don't like not being able to see what's going to happen after one week. basically, i don't like my life tt cannot see beyond a week. however, i tell myself, this is the life tt i need, not necessarily what i want, but definitely what i need. i need the income, i need to study. and i need to leave at least one and a half days of my weekends for the boy. and also, i need to feel some pressure and some stress in my life. the past half years of my so called academic life has been too easy. and it should not be the way. i also tell myself i need this. to learn how to cope with stress, to learn how to manage time etc.

so overall, this is something i need to do. of course, the easy life of slacking has to go. maybe tt's why i feel sucky. but it's time i learn how to start working hard for what i want and learn how to prioritise and manage my time properly. i believe i will emerge a stronger and better person. but right now, let me dwell a little how sucky this really feels.

today, very suddenly and abruptly, this beeper sounded really loud in my head. and since then, my head has been in a throbbing pain. i suddenly realise i don't have alot of time left before my first academic year ends and on top of that, the next mock that i really wan to go for and do well is next month. and though i don;t have the exam schedule yet, i got a feeling two papers fall on the same day, i think everything's piling on top of me. i cannot breathe!

while i was in class today, i started keying in figures into the calulator. i calculate roughly one week how much time i have.. minus tuition. minus sleep and minus weekends. minus travelling. i forgot what figure i came out with but i know i wasn't happy with what i saw. i think time's slipping away, running out and yet i'm still nowhere near. darn it! shit... overload overload.... i can already feel the amount of work piling up on top of me. and tuition... darn. shouldn't have took up a new one.. but the money.... i need. ARGGGGGHHHHH.... i wun have life very soon.

finally, it's down to the last day. 10 days so hard to get by... but one day is much much harder than ten days. so near yet so far!!!

sighhhhsssss

i started out the day with a dread. seriously, i don't like wednesday. but so funny, i have two friends who specially sms me to remind me about gg school today or should i say encourage me to go school. so i went and i was rewarded. the lecturer surprisingly volunteer extra help for me? and i think it's a one to one. and i was extra rewarded. finally got the type of tuition i want. but scary mans, two boys..... one boy already make me headache.. now two boys summore... =/

but i thank God for ending my wed in such a lovely way. it makes me look forward to friday even more.. to share this joy with my baby. lalalalalala

i wanna go SHOPPING!!! VIVO VIVO!!! who's free..... register now

"You are alert and your life is full of love. You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your lovelife is soon to blosoom. You will have a great year and will experience a major life-changing experience for the good. You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it."

"You like adventure. You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reversed. "

my results from some fengshui horoscope thingy.... haha

i cannot skip class tmr. i cannot skip class tmr. i cannot skip class tmr. now, there u have it. i really cannot skip class tmr. it will be a trigger to unfortunate events from happening, like more skipping of classes. so i cannot skip class tmr. and like i keep sayin, i have a responsibility as a student so i cannot skip class tmr.

i'm so happy baby messages me every now and then. i wonder will his friends make him pay for part of the bill when he gets back. hopefully tmr will end quicky and friday will come fast. i miss the boy alot.

i had a relatively good weekend. quality time spent with people i want to spend time with. had a lovely time yesterday, riding bike and van, that's like a bus. all cravings satisifed. my kembangan mee sua, quail eggs and pasta. i would have love to eat vongole instead though but never mind, the big guy in brunei promised me big fish! yummmmy.... kemabangan mee sua is superb!! so is coin prata set!!! yummiiesss!! all the naggings and scoldings, embarrassments is nothing compared to what i got in return!!

i think time pass quite fast, before we knoe it, school starts. yes yes yes, all of us dread the start of school but do we have a choice? i wanted to revise before attending classes but laziness got in the way. every year without fail, i dun feel the anxious-ness kicking in about not studying or not putting in enough effort until after cny. between new year and cny, i still can kid myself or tell myself tt the yr is still young, it is only beginning. i still got time, and i should enjoy and relax more. den den den, only after cny, i start to panic. not enough time, regret big time, yet still as lazy as ever! gosh... old habits are hard to kick yea?

but i'm still as happy as i was on new year's day!! does tt count for something? i hope this happiness i found in within is something tt's going to stay in me for as long as it ccan stay. or is this just something sweet i m getting for something bad's tt going to come??

lalalala.... i love my friends, i love foood!! i hate the fats on my body though. i wanna slim down slim down. need a new pair of runnin shoes. i made my own salad today. niccceee... =)

i am suffering from serious cold turkey.... craving so strong i don't know what to do. my mee suaaaa.. i want my kembangan mee suaaa!!

quail eggs too!! pasta too!!! can i have all 3!!??? craving craving!!!

this was taken exactly one week ago. on social night last week. i adore this picture. niceeeeee

i'm very happy to receive messages from the baby. be it just one short message that i cannot reply to. still i know i'm in his heart and mind somewhere. just like he's in mine. okok, pardon my words. but i'm very happy. i know ten days will pass very fast. i just wish it will be faster. but i m happy. truly happy. i enjoy being happy. hee.. updated my resolution list in my blog.

anyway, i was thinking. if i'm a rich girl, i would travel all over the world to try all the cusines. try how diff country prepare the seafood. i'm not that into red meat so i prefer seafood. if i were someone who don't have responsibilities and burdens and someone really confident in what i set out to do, i would earn enough money to travel round the world learning how to cook different cusines. and once i've finished my cash, i will work more and travel more.

but because i'm who i m now. someone with responsibilites i have to fulfil. someone who needs to be around and someone who needs to account to people around me. too much stuff tt i cannot just throw away and go off. so i can only dream. i dream of opening my own seafood bistro in the future. i like to see people eat and enjoy my food. to feel good after eating and seek comfort in my food.

hopefully, somewhere in the future, it can really happen. but i still want tt car and house.... so tt i can start a family.

pizzahut.. 2 for 22 bucks... tempting.. but fattening

Today is 1st Jan 2008. The last few days of 2007 has been great. spent quality time with the baby. but sadly, today's also the day that he flew to Brunei. oh well, here's the start to my road of independence. dear God, please grant me the patience and strength to wait for the return of the baby. some thoughts i had, i realised that behind the big man, there's still a need for some feminity. cos every big man started out from a boy and when u are a boy, there's mummy. someone you need, someone who care for u, someone who take care of u, every small details. so right now, behind tt big man, though i cannot try to outsmart him, but i must always know when to provide answers, when to show support, when to be understanding. it's amazing, how man and woman fit each other in such a fine way. i think it's a very beautiful thing.

so.. one more week to school reopen. lots of things i have in mind for myself. lots of things i plan for myself in the year of 2008. i'm really aniticpating what will be in store for me. and what will turn out of me.

oh, btw, does anyone know where i can download videos to watch? i realise places like youtube and crunchyroll can ony watch from the site, don't know anywhere can download and watch. if you know, leave me a msg. thanks!

have a great year ahead everyone, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

sometimes, i feel so small. i feel so insignificant. yet when i try to do things to make myself stand out, i always make a blunder out of it. i always happen to do the wrong things at the wrong time. is this me? i don't know. but i know it upsets people around me. maybe it makes me become a irritating girl. i really don't know. i try so hard to make things right, yet things still seem so wrong. i think i m just not good enough in everything i do.

my baby's flying to Brunei on the 1st jan, night. and tt's next week, with less than a week in between. we should be spending more time together so why is he still stuck in camp! camp simply shucks big time.

i'm still getting over the excitement regarding my driving just now. i know it's not my maiden drive, nor issit my first time on the highway but it's my longest drive, to and fro from one end of singapore to the other end. i drove my baby to camp and back.

these few days, i'm always used to drivin with baby beside me barking orders and giving me a tsk tsk look. so driving all the way to jurong with baby beside and amelia behind was alright. den the ride back only me and amelia. tt's what makes me so scared cos like i ve a life in my hands. ahaha, amelia darling also said first time sit car dun feel safe. i'm sorry. but still, i'm very very proud of myself. tampines to jurong and back. thanks amelia for being there and thanks for tt sweet sweet gift. hahahaa!!! dental floss ya!?

still.. i'm proud myself. and i'm sure baby too. hahaha.. and yes amelia too!!! my first official passenger!

When we have nothing better to do on the train. i love this boy of mine so much.

The christmas present from my baby-- the latest generation of ipod nano. It's smoking pretty, cos it's red!!!! I love it so so so so much!!! and thanks my baby, for the sweet engravings behind the ipod. makes it so so so special. i'm in love with it!

i think ever since cab fares increased, this form of public tranport is for the rich, not the late.

basically, there are only 4 categories to sum up all guys.

the first type is a bloke. a bloke is someone insensitive to girls' needs, maybe a little mcp, definitely not a girl's best friend. don't think this kind of guy is very bad. they should be pretty manly, like 100% guy tt kind and should also be more or less quite responsible. cos they believe they are the man in the house and would take responsible. like what someone say, bring the food home type of guy. but there are others who might argue, are blokes the male versions of blondes? i wonder...

next would be the metrosexual type of guys. needless to say, everyone should know what they are. totally different from a bloke. care about looks. maybe spend more time in the toilet and changing room than a girl. but these guys just happen to care more of how they look and i guess these type of guys would definitely be girls' best friends. easily mistaken as not straight...

smack right in the middle would be the bonds. bond coming from James Bond. A good guy, a guy who know what a girl wants and what a girl needs. a charmer i would say, can totally sweep a girl right off her feet. diff from a metrosexual would be that, they still carry a air of charm, manly charm. this category makes everyone's perfect or dream guy? many prince charming type of shows all depicts such a character.

and the last category will be gays of course.. and like what one would say.. gone. haha.... no offense of course. but i dun ve to explain the last category.

the long anticipated pasta. also my first dish to my baby ever and yet, after such a long time, we got a huge diappointment. used the wrong pasta sauce due to my wanting to be daring and try new stuff and it turned out very sucky. seriously, i think it tasted like bean sauce. you know the chinese bean sauce? but baby said it tased sourish due to the many pickles in the sauce. whatever it is, it's bad. we didn't finish it. sorry baby, i promised ur block leave pasta will be much better. and tt my skills will be back!

tonight is a night with such fond memories. like star awards with amelia. knowing she's on the other line watching star awards, i hope, probably as crazy and critical as i am. like like our ooohs and ahhhs, our this one unexpected! tt one dun deserve it! ahahhaa...... seriously, baby dun undnerstand.. but what are11 year friends for.. or issit 12!? and psssst amelia, he said we are bimbotic!! cos we critisize people tt way!

it's also a night when i get to tok to baby while he takes bus back and then hang up the phone saying, msg me before u sleep. hahaha.... but the only difference is i dun get to see him tmr like in the past. still, i'm very much looking forward to a beautiful week with him. especially the coming wednesday.

lots and lots of love! give me one more kiss!

finally the long awaited singing session. it brings back so much memories. singing is never enough with ur best girlfriends. it's like who cares about pitch and all, who cares whether you know how to sing or not, it's the company tt matters so much more. gosh, i miss singing with them already. please make it often (i know it's just a wishful thought). nonetheless, i can't wait for the 22nd to come.

after which, amelia and i supposedly go shopping but couldn't find anything. den den den... we went thai express for dinner den den den we ordered normal stuff for dinner. after which we just stayed on, chatted den den den we were tempted by some people eating pineapple rice beside us den den den we simply order more food. seriously, i feel so fat. i wanna go on a diet!!!!!!!

no more food for leona ever again.

i'm really looking forward to 20th, or maybe i should only look forward to one day as it comes. i love planning, i love to organise stuff, i love to have things to look forward to. things tt i can write in my organiser and wait for to come.

maybe tt's why i dun like last minute stuff. i dun like planning and organising when the people i plan and organise for might have a chance to be absent. not present. never mind, we'll see how it goes. it's going to be a very common phrase coming out from me for the next 2 yrs.

pardon my mood, i m slightly disappointed.

but i am really looking forward to 20th still!! at least it wun be so near yet so far.

In the nick of time, I was saved.

Love is patient and kind;it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.

-- 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4

Indeed when I seeked for the truth, I'll accept the truth and from now on, trust. In the short paragraph above, i realise there's many things that i lack, many things that i want to find meaning in. many things worth exploring and many things to enhance the meaning of love. i'm glad i was shared with this paragraph, when i focus and meditate upon the words, minor things did not seem important anymore. indeed, once again, when i leave it in the hands of God, he'll always show me the way. it's really a test of trust. in God and in love. and i thank the one up there for showing me and teaching me this valuable lessson.

and also to my precious one, you have no idea how nervous i was before the whole thing and how relieved i was after the whole thing too. but i'm happy that things turn out how they did. so please don't love me lesser cos i worry more and more each day. hee...

i'm startin to lose whatever happiness i have left in me. i feel energy slowing sapping out of me. sleeping starts to be a huge problem to me and waking up is such a dread. i just want to get myself wasted every night. to drown all this uncertainties away.

will you just help me one more time? give me one more chance. please don't lie to me.

for two days, i've been hanging on to something that really makes my day, and sweeten me and something that makes me really really happy. but then for the past two days, i've been brooding over over some stuff. there's some inner struggle going on. i don't like this feeling. why is it that happy feelings cannot last? why issit that everytime at the peak of my blissfulness, something has to happen to rob me of my happiness? am i destined not to be happy for long in my life.

maybe tt's why everytime when i am really blessed and happy, i'm very scared. cos everytime after being happy comes unhappiness cos somewhere got there happiness just doesn't belong to me.

but at this point of time, i've come to terms with the situation already. i love him too much to sacrifice everything. to bear with everything, to swallow everything even the remaining very little of my pride. at least i know now that i loves him and that i'm happy. of course i hope i give him that kind of feeling too but what matters is that i put my whole heart into it. and i know i can face my own conscience.

i'm trying to be happy again. maybe missing him makes things worse. actually, i don't know which is worst, missing him or not getting answers. but like what i say, i love him, i should be willing to give up whatever thoughts, ideas i have.

Dear God, i hope he know this. know that i am really happy with him, know that i really want to love him in everyway i can, with every ability i know. know that i only want the best for him and know that i really want to cherish him better and treasure this relationship i have with him. and i hope he noes i wanna trust him and that i wan him in my future.

and thanks for those who consoled me in one way or another. let's hope everything will turn out fine.

angel dearie, you have no idea how happpy you made me by tagging the 3 messages i saw. now i know, not only do i need sugar intake, i need to feel loved by my friends. loved and remembered!!! cos i m really happy after seeing my tags!! i love u angel.

i know why am i not happy all the time... i've low intake of sugar. someone say before.. sugar makes one happy right?? i'm rejecting sugar. i used to be able to share one tub of ice cream with baby, but now, just a few mouths i would think it's too sweet. i dun ve a sweet tooth, thus i m not a happy girl.

i'm learning how to be thanful so i'll start with this really small thing. thanks baby for the mango. =) not cos it's nice to eat but cos u bought it, cut it for me. and to add on, cuttin in in cubes not really easy to eat. if u are reading this.

thank you

(edited)

thanks angel dearie.. now at least i noe i have uuuuuuu =) btw, u are not replying my msn!!!

i was wondering why i dun blog so often anymore. then i chanced upon someone's blog and she has like details what she and her bf do all day. well, as a matter of fact, i think she meets her bf everyday so it's like details of everything tt they did. right to the most minor details. it's like to be filmed for a movie type. then i was thinking, actually, i can blog my weekends out this way too yea? but then again, who's actually interested and wants to read and know what me and baby does for the weekend??

i used to think staying over for the night, or staying over at ur significant half's place symbolises.... naughty stuff. i guess tt's what mummy thought initially.. but i m enjoying our brief weekend of living in together. trust me, my room is becoming half his to the extent that he buys new stuff and leave it at my place, not even bring home?? i used to think we must hug, cuddle to sleep... but i guess married couples of 10 yrs dun do tt anymore right? but ya, we dun do tt anymore.. cos now, i sleep before he does. he's infactuated with the computer on every sat night. which explains everyone, why i cannot be found online sat night and i have to sleep early cos we need to wake up for early chuch. but sleeping early is good too cos i would ve energy to wake up and cook breakfast for him. okok.. am i describing every details here?

i have lotsa stuff going on in my head right now. i hope to deal with it soon, before the year ends as well as enjoy my december! my beloved dec. oh... baby say i have to write a list of my cravings... gosh, i wanna eat sashimi, steamboat, dtf, good prata, good pasta!! and the best part is i m gg on a diet tmr. =( darn it.

but i need to wave good bye to flabs, fats and say hello to a slimmer waistline. fundamentally, i need to buy new running shoes and yoga mat! tt's only basics.. i haven't mention weights, medcine ball, gym attire fron lonsdale!! (sorry peeps, i'm not hinting any gifts, it's to my baby) oh well, tt's if he reads it.... he wun be back till sat. no calls, no anything..

=/

i slowly realised whenever i am happy, i tend to forget people around me, forgot what makes me happy, forgot it was people who made me happy and become obnoxious. this is very bad because i say things i dun mean that way, and i care very little how others feel. whenever tt happens, i act like such a brat and start to do things and say things which i terribly regret after that.

i forgot it was people who made me who i become today. i m so heartless, cos i forgot to show people appreciative gestures, i forgot to tell people thank you and i forgot what's the most basic thing to do to keep r/s between people workable.

i m starting to dislike myself. if ever one day i were to die friendless.... i know why.

sometimes i get really angry. i mean some people really like to make empty promises. it's as if i am just a piece of dirt to them. like me... piece of dirt. those people only know how to hold their dignity high up, and trample on mine as if it were just a speck of dirt. i can only give my rolled eyes and pathetic views to being h*m*ly. gosh... i am really very pissed off when i m not valued, esp when i value u so much i wanna keep this friend. grrrrrrrrrrr!! arggghhghghhgg.... i m really angry.

was watching this show and thinking alot abt modern era, abt r/s between ad womand and a man, also about friendship, kinship, etc. got me thinking quite abit. maybe i will share them again when i m in the mood to type. meanwhile, i need to cool off abit cos i m still really angry!

i was told, taught and reminded constantly that i have to be thankful for things around me. somehow, this is really a challenge to me. cos i really don't know how to. maybe the only thing that i wanna be thankful for today is tt im glad that spring chicken i bought tasted nice. and i'm glad chin's here to share with me.

i know it sounds so ..... but yet.. i cannot find anything to be thankful for tosay or tmr.. or the day after next. there's this huge load inside me that i dunno how to drop. and it's pressurising me to the limit mans.

i rather be studying for exams, doing whatsoever.. so as long as i noe i will be ok. i just wanna try not to think so much, be simple and happy. why issit more complicated now.

Firehouse - Love don't care

Little girl, face all black and blue
But she knows better
That's not the way a man should treat you
But that's ok, she'll change her life tonight
She's leaving him
For a woman who will treat her right

And everybody needs somebody
She could be with anybody
Doesn't matter if it's not another man

Chorus:
Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
If you ain't hurting anybody
And if you feel it deep inside
Then love don't care who you love
Don't care who you love

Little girl, she's no sister, she is white
But she loves a brother
Takin' him home to meet her folks tonight
Mom and dad don't understand
We're all the same inside
They just don't realize
That love is always colorblind

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
It's not the color that makes the man

Because love don't care who you love
I said love don't care who you love
Don't let anybody tell you
That it's wrong if it feels right
'Cuz love don't care who you love
Love don't care

And everybody needs somebody
You can be with anybody
So love someone who makes you happy

anyone wanna do xmas exchange with me??? i'm so in the mood.. first on my list is of course my longest friend.. amelia!! ahaha

recharged after the weekend. looking forward to the dec holidays

two places i really want to go on holiday right now and they both begins with T. however, my dream holiday would be to go with my friends.. or nic. both seemed quite impossible somehow... =/

i really hope you'll be ok.

immersing myself in jay chou's new songs. some are really fantastic. like some notes, phrases, words, chords just strike some emo-ness in me.

waiting is never a good feeling. simple things like if i was waiting for a call, i wouldn't dare to go bathe or do anything else but wait for that call. if it's fruitful, then never mind, but if the call i was waiting for never came, won't i be wasting my time. friends are now all studying for exams, stressing, rushing to meet project deadlines yet i'm still struggling here, looking for meaning in my life. i was just telling amelia moments ago that casting lots of obligatory stuff that i have to do, i'm pretty much leading a life of a solitude. i'm still very much the same little girl i was years ago, just that i kind of managed to cover it up over the years. but when i peel off everything that's on the surface, i'm still that me. no where here or there.

i'm asking for directions.

at times, at certain points of my life, i feel quite lost. and right now it's one of them. i feel like everyday is going pass like a haze, blur and i cannot see what's in front of me. i lost something in my life, something that pushes me and tell me how to get out of this haze. i don't know what am i doing every day. and precisely because of this feeling, i've been doing some reflection.

i guess what bb said is right. i m self centred and when i'm like that, i get pretty outrageous. i forgot all my basics. and i can get pretty mean. i always ask baby to be more this more that, when i m not doing so myself. it's like whenever i get so close/intimate with someone, i tend to put down all the formalities and go beyond that. beyond tt line.. going overboard. is this just me? i think i really need to put in some thoughts and make some changes. i'm pretty lost about my life.. and i'm pretty lost about what i value in life. and being in the haze, i lost quite a few stuff and people.

i need some guidance. something to guide me out of this.. and to start somewhere afresh. no matter what others do, i should be able to look back at what i did and say i tried my very best.

i really really want to go jay chou's concert!

a nice public holiday spent. caught "The Game Plan" with the baby. very nice show. makes me feel like being daddy's little girl again. was asking baby if it induced some paternal instincts in him. haha.. what was i thinking? this baby of mine is such a woodblock. i would be surprised if it even induced any emotion in him. but i know both of us enjoyed the movie very much. was freaking tired after the show, wanted to cab home and it was so diff to hail a cab. what a shame.. both of us can drive.. yet we had to spend quite some time waiting for the cab. okok.. this was EVE of public holiday.

woke up this morning, went to get breakfast together.. then came home to slack. i like to spend a day no rush, no book ins..... but no choice, he had to book in tonight. now.. it's sat that i m looking forward to.

leona's a happy girl. a good break starting since sat. after my disasterous theory exam on sat, i decided not to give any hoot about it anymore. so lunch with chin at j8. haha... j8 always brings back memories... all the ij times and all. and j8 changed alot too. nothing much, went home after that to wait for my hon.

sat night was deliciously good. ahahha.. not the food part, it's the company and all the talks. all the old war stories by two old men. haha... entertaining i would say. but if hun was the one who told stories, it might be just half as entertaining only. haha.... oops. hope he doesn't read this. anyway.. am glad amelia is there with me. everything seemed so nice. 2 guys and a girl.. is simply not as nice as two guys two girls.. not a date.. but i love the feeling. my so called double date.... in inverted commas.

feels good to see him lying beside me everytime i wake up on sunday morning. i usually sleep before him because he wants to use the com to play games, check this and that. and i'm tired so i sleep first. but in the morning, i opened my eyes to his back. yes... we are not the typical couple who hugs to sleep. we end up each facing diff side. backside to backside. ahahhaa... sad yea? can u imagine? now single bed already like that, if ever next time we get bigger bed, the gap between us will just become bigger and bigger and bigger... infinity mans! ahaa.. putting that aside, it feels good to wake up together, and go church. life's greatest bliss. =)

den he book in but this week will not be so long. there's deepavali. first time in my life public holidays became so important.. and i cherished every one available esp in this past two months. so leona is a blissful and happy girl. for now. who knows what's going to happen in the future? bu at least i m grateful i am happy for now.

oh.. and i got my license!!! yippppeee!!! should have gone to join subaru contest!! for my car. i miss my baby.. =)

was listening to this radio broadcast programme on my way home. someone wrote in and said the person she liked is together with someone else. then she went on to say how sometimes love can be so sweet yet at other times it could be bitter and painful. and sometimes it hurt so much that u can't even cry. the tears just wouldn't flow.

it's just like having a crush. things were so simple then. u just yearn to see him. and just the sight of him daily, even once a day is enough to make ur day and sweeten it up. and if this crush is someone u know, there's even more chances to get sweeten up. like toking to him, or him showing random concern. and him just smiling at u, saying hi. all those feelings just slowly build up and the sweetness could already attract all the ants around u. then when u lay on the bed at night, thinking of the small exchanges u and him had for the day, even the sweetest dream cannot be compared already. then maybe u start braving up to want to tell him how u feel. however, this is only the sweet part.

what happen when u see him starting to hang out closely with other girls? what happens when u dun see him for more than a week? what happens if he stopeed showing u random concern, no more eye contacts, maybe even avoiding u? tt's when it gets bitter.. but what's painful is when you find that he got together with someone else. the one in ur dreams has someone else in his arms. now tt's painful, maybe even more painful than finding out he doesn't like u? then again it's objective. issit more painful to find out he's with someone else or more painful that he simply reject u?

i always feel very sad to find out people break up. unrequited love. or even 2 persons who deeply loves each other yet choose not to be together. being around with my silly baby has made my head plain simple. he taught me that something as complicated as love, is simply one plus one giving u two. sometimes his biggest merit is being simple... simplicity is the beauty isn't it? haha... i've decided to be silly with him too. nobody knows what will happen in the future.. if one day, something were to happen, and that i were to be saddened.. let it be. i can only grow from there. so since it's still the honey lovey-dovey sweet and happy phase, let it be too. but i'm really scared the day will come when i have to be hurt and be in pain.. okok, the last part was unnecessary.

anyway, am really really glad i passed my driving!! happy, elated, excited... can't wait for baby to come back from field camp to share this piece of news with him. 4 months of money, hard work has certainly paid off! 4 long months!!! but finally!!!

say helllo and congrats to the new qualified driver!

i've just been struck by lightning. took me a while to recompose myself. gosh... is that a sign already?

time to toughen up. no time to waste.

I'm in a mood to:

1. watch cheesy flicks like love comedys to cry my eyes out.
2. give lots of hugs and receive hugs
3. buy flowers to brighten up my house, like my all time fav, sunflowers
4. do nothing, esp not going to school
5. hug all my stuffed toys and smile like an idiot
6. do nothing except recollecting the past
7. lay on the sofa, get my ass bigger and do nothing but wait for the next day to come

okok... when am i behaving like an idiot!?? ahaha.... i'm in love!

down with the flu. baby say it's due to heatiness, every sign is present except fever. i'm like drinking more herbal tea than normal, trying to avoid heaty food (yes, the word is trying), yet, ulcer still there, caught the flu and now worst, got cramps. this is so sucky. esp the ulcer part. here's a part of the convo i had with baby just now.

me: dear, i think i need to take mc. cannot go school.
him: you don't need to take mc. ur school dun wan to go then dun go lo.

i'm just finding all sorts of excuses just not to go school, and feeling alright abt it. luckily for me, hari raya saved me for feeling guilty once. how many hari rayas are there? school can be a drag, don't ask me why. i hope these 2 yrs will pass faster, for me and for baby.

this is the start of yet another cycle. right after baby book in, there's this renewed rust i have in him. then as the week passes, i start to miss him till slowly, when the missinh gets so bad, the trust start to wear off.. den i start to feel insecure about this whole thing.. then when the day dear books out, i would find a dread to do anything but just wait for his return. den when i finally get to see him, life just got by in a blur. everything happen so fast till the end of the cycle and the start of the another cycle. so yes, now i'm at the beginning of the cycle. the cycle is regardless of time, cos sometimes there's one week confinement.. den i actually just miss him alot. but the past 3 weeks was crazy. thus, i came up with this cycle theory.

nonethess, i found this new trust faith in him. i dunno how. went to church today and Father was toking about being grateful. i had my bumps, my rough period of times but things all turned out well, the way they should be. the way i know i wun have regrets. so i should be thankful.

i should be thankful that classes are starting well now, no more hiccups. i should be thankful that i finally got my tb and thus, i should start studying now. i should be thankful that i ve my frens around now and then to chat, to meet up... actually, thinking i should be thankful in particular to chin and amelia. =) i should be thankfukl that baby is fine and safe in army. i should be thankful that God sent him to me and walk with me a life worth living for. i should be thankful how much he loves me and it's only fair that i give him back the amt of love and trust. n the list goes on....

so hope i'll recover soon, never like the feeling of sneezing my nose off.

good nights.

i m so happy!! baby is fine!! i m fine.... and I've got a lonnnnggg weekend.. and baby might come out tmr.. or sat!! but i m happy!! yipppee to hari raya!! no class on sat!!!

all relieved for nothing. and because baby cannot read reports still talk like he can read. i had my doubts but i trusted that he could tell whether ok or not. silly baby!! =/

after a spending a night worrying, i'm finally relieved. sunshine over rain! my baby is fine. =)

my health is deteriorating and so is my level of fitness. i'm growing fatter. while nic is growing healthier and fitter, his gf is growing fatter, and more unhealthy! fatness is a thorn in any women's flesh. I WANT TO SLIM DOWN!

today in the hawker centre, while eating alone, i thought of many things. just some random thoughts. like we noe birds wake up very early in the morning. but actually what time do they sleep?? what's the last timing we usually see the last birds around? like i said, they are random thoughts. i'm going to try keep my mood high up until sat! and wait for him to book out!

4 more days to go!! still no dateS!

i should blog once in a while when my mood's good. then at least people who reads my blog won't keep thinking leona is such a sad girl. too sad and never getting over it makes one pathetic. i dun wanna end up that way.

so yes, i'm happy. happy why? cos i finally got the cd i want and listening to it right now. happy cos my baby is surviving in army and i just visited him yesterdat. happy cos i've done all my tutorials except one. one tt i've been procrastinating ever since.. and still procrastinating. but shall not let tt affect my happy mood. happy cos i dun feel broke. happy cos this week has not began. monday is not the start of the week for me. tues den is. and sat is my end of the week by the way. happy cos mummy just went ntuc and bought so much things to stuff the fridge, like finally. no more empty fridge. happy cos i just ate mango cake! yummy. happy cos today's rain cleared the humidness in my house. and the list goes on. i'm too lazy to type,.

basically, i cannot wait for my baby to come back. sat.. tt's like 5 more days! counting down...

and why is no one asking me out to chill when it's such a stressful period... =(

Dear God, please grant me the strength.

i should post some entry in order to not seem to be like showing off my new phone. haha...

i've lots of things to do, really. but i cannot help but let my mind wander. my mind is in a mess. i don't know what to think and what not to think. what seemed to be right may be wrong and vice versa. i keep having aimless thoughts that naturally cannot conclude. i have difficulty staying focus because of that.

i really have lots of things to do.

Nokia 6120 Classic. My new temporary phone before i get my dream one.

the day started out lovely. cause we wanted to prolong the day by spending more time with each other, we woke up early for the church, first session of Sunday's services. time flies and before we knew it, the 11 days belong only in our memories. it's been fun, sweet and due to the fact that i'm having serious mind block, it's nice x1000000000. can't seem to find a word for it now. then a steamboat to end off the night. =)

Anyway, like i always said, life still goes on and time won't stop for anyone. 2 weeks of school has passed and i'm more or less settled in it. more or less confirmed and decided my modules. and now it's like studying time. time to get my life back to the original track i made. Of course like any other human being, i enjoyed this mini break i had together with my baby, yet finding it hard to face reality. finding it hard to get back on track. after getting used to him not being ard, there's this break and i had him all to myself. and now, i've to get used to it all over again, only this time, it might be tougher than the previous.

this pang of loneliness i feel all over again. and sadness as well. it's not because he's going back to army and all. it's just nice that i had somone to depend on during these 2 weeks of adjusting phase. nice to have someone who waits for me. nice to have someone whom i know will always be there when i need. nice to have someone to give me the warmth, to remind me there's nothing called loneliness in my life. he always claim the one in army is the one who suffers most. but from my point of view, it's the one waiting outside. because.. in army, u dun get to think. u dun ve time to think. so who's the one who would be thinking all day long, all the long nights, it's yours truly. i need the strength, i really do.

just some whining i want to get off my chest. i'll be fine. i have things to occupy me. i always do. just a matter whether i want to do them or not. my list of things to do will never be completely empty. and i've mr smiley to accompany me anyway. reality hits. it's time to start on that track.

This is a relatively important picture... not because it has the both of us taken nicely inside but it's important cos of the logo behind. if u notice, that's sakae and our food for most days... dear dear is crazy abt jap food. now, we even have the sakae card!

Happy 20th monthsary!

my army boy

his army haircut.

first week of school is over and i'm in a much calmer mood than compared to first day of school. so at least when i describe the first day of school, i won't be cursing and swearing all the way. yes, it was that bad but it's all over.

so yes, the school screwed up very badly on monday. made me wait for a total of close to 3 hours for my class to start. i m not familiar with the school. but i do know how terrible their admin help is and how high their turnover rate is. i don't even know if they know their work or not. guess i got to figure my way around here and hopefully settle in soon. am i useless? i always feel like that in a new environment. helpless, lost and insecure. always feel like giving up. i know in the future, things will not be so bad.. but the start is so hard. it's really tiring me. =/ i never allow myself to regret but maybe this time round.... don't get me wrong. the lecturers are great! very helpful, the facilities can do. just that, i dun feel like i belong. the sense of belonging and security is not there. that's what so bad about the school. how can they actually make their students feel this way??

having said enough, somehow, i know God is always very kind to me. in this really bad first week of school, i had one of the best week together with me baby. he passed out on tues and awiting for results to see where is he going to be posted to. spent every single min and sec together. haha.. for lost times. but i'm really glad for his support and company during this whole week. =) once again, life is always balanced. am enjoying myself and i don't know why, we are not eating cheaply this whole week!! which is really bad..... i'm starting to feel guilty. for all the fats i know is going to accumulate. yucks man! apart from that, loving every min of it. in fact, our Golden weekend starts today. haha.. my name for it. cos we're gg to spend the whole time together till monday. maybe i should start cam-whoring with him... so can post some latest pictures up of him. will see how.

i'll pull through, won't i? things will work out just fine, won't it? need all the help and support i need. help would be nice like tell me where do i get tbs! don't care if it's second hand or not... i need to buy textbooks! haha....

finally, the day has come (and i'm not talking abt yan's birthday). the last day of my freedom, also known as the last day of my baby's torturous imprisonment. how ironic, i know. I'll be starting school official tmr. actually, i'm not nervous or whatever, i'm just afraid that screwed up place will mess it up for me and that i've more things to settle and deal with after which. that's precisely why i dislike that place. so much.

i've always been an extremist and an idealist. i dream of perfection. and also how many things should be like. like i always feel, new school term means new stuff which explains the numerous of bags i have, some only used for one school term. and also how love should be like. how a couple in love should be like. or how the feeling of love should be like. i know this is not the right way but in my life and in my dictionary, these are the definitions i have. maybe that's why i always tend to think too much, cos in life, many things are so not up to standard. and i get disappointed and such disappointment would lead to unhappiness. maybe as i start uni, leading a different phase of my life, i should change my mindset. i should just work hard towards my goals. expect less and give more. maybe then, i would be happier, i hope. but being an extremist i would still stick to it. i want nothing more the the best. either i do it or not. and if i do it and put in all my effort and work, i know i will get it.

yes, this is my attitude to start school. sounds good, hope it'll be really good. and to my baby.. welcome to civilisation for ten straight days!

I will not say things such as getting married, forever and ever or anything else that relates to it anymore. I don't think I am ready for it and frankly speaking, I know hardly anyone will be ready for it at a age of 20 but what I meant is that, my love has not matured to even a stage where such thoughts could be entertained. so who exactly was I trying to kid? myself? or just hanging on to the one simple fact, solid it may seem but who knows may dissolve and burst one day?

It takes alot to love. Love is something that happened. We don't know how but it just did and it's sweet but it doesn't mean that could last forever. Anything that we want to last must involve effort and work being put to it. We want good grades after our first decent paper means putting in extra efoort to maintain and to push it to greater heights. Therefore when we want our love to last, effort must be placed in as well. so at this point of my life, i'm not sure I'm ready to take it to that marriage level yet because there are lots of problems to learn and understand. I don't think i'm mature enough to want to take it to the level too. being that naive princess that i wanna be just wun work.

at the end of the day, i feel listening to talking is important. it takes two hands to clap. i've always wanted to be a person who's clear about what she wants and i guess i've attained that. I'm sure i know what I want, just the process seemed a little rocky. i have my own faults and I know that.

i don't even know should i begin this alone... or wait. i'm not the patient kind, tt's why.

Happy Birthday to me!

Thanks for all the well wishes from everyone. Each and every one made me smile and felt blessed. Thanks for remembering. Thanks to all my beloved girlfriends who celebrated my birthday for me. I made a wish for each and every one of you guys and thank God for having such friends. All of u are special to me. I understood what it meant that birthday w/o you guys meant birthday not celebrated properly. MUACKS!! love all lots! hahaa

At a ripe age of 20, I suddenly realise there's many things I want to do. Was thinking to myself, nothing in this life can be guaranteed. No one can confirm what their future will be like now. Even a millionaire, how can he be sure his fortune will last? maybe his son will cheat him of his fortune? maybe some woman will? or maybe he will lose it in one night? Let's say a business man, thier risks are higer, nobody can be sure that business will not fall, will florish. So i'm thinking, since there are so many maybes in this world, being now and living now is important. everything u do must be done w/o regrets. Cos with regrets, then i can be sure even in the future when u are succeeding, leading a life u wanted, you know that you had regrets. another thing is important,m life life happy. be happy every day because this particular day will not repeat itself anymore.

of course i'm not saying that we shouldn't put in effort to make our future a desirable one. I believe everything in life except r/s, we reap what we sow. but there's still luck involved. we need effort, we also need a teeny weeny bit of luck. so apart from building our lovely future, be happy everyday! =)

I felt i just made a birthday speech!!! hahaa

i thought i will be fine giving tuition on my birthday but on the actual day itself... i wished i had pushed it to another day. supper anyone? spend the last 3 hrs of my birthday with me?

a really eventful day i would say. one that i enjoyed alot even though i didn't get to watch the fireworks this weekend after all.

we struggled to climb out of bed this morning due to time constraint that we calculated. me not so bad, cos i slept before him last night. so after rushing round the house to get ready, we finally left. ate dtf for lunch then after which watched movie. then head down to katong for Big Fish. haha... we walked quite abit of distance to reach BF cos baby made a mistake with the bus we took. we walked till my legs nearly gave way. sumptous dinner!!! if only i wasn't so full, i would eat their lovely dessert. after that, we walked to ecp. quite some walking distance.. through dark areas too. and i thought we're gg there to blow air... look at the beach.. but no.. we are there to walk through ecp and stop at MACs. hahaha.. so much for romance... but seriously.. if it were before he went army.. i might complain non stop abt it. but now, spending quality time is already enough.

i really enjoyed this weekend. and once again. how short this is. though baby cannot celebrate my actual birthday with me.. this is enough already. =) it already warmed and sweetened me. and i'm really really sorry for what happened. i deserve not to be given flowers yea? =/

loves

with a blink of the eye, Sunday is here again. the weekend pass really fast, especially this one but this week is not going to be that bad, because he's coming out on wed. then going back in on thurs and won't come out until the weekend that follow next week. and according to him, he cannot call back during field camp. i know i'm going to miss him badly during those days. what to do, he's in the process where boy turn to man! haha... later part of sundays is still quite sad, though both of us are getting used to it. although it might get tough especially when TOM is here. i only wish he can be back on 17th and 18th that week, cos got fireworks! it will be so nice if we manage to get a place by black angus or any restaurant along that way and await the start of fireworks. that'll be nice with my baby... even if no restaurant.. i still wan to watch fireworks!

this weekend, baby has been pampering me real. i forgot to draw money since he booked out all the way till he book in. so i've been eating out of his pocket and also shopping out of his pocket. feels goood. love that boy so much. too bad, we couldn't find the lovely covered shoes i'm so looking for. but oh well, it's all my fault.

nonetheless, hope wed will come asap!

and eve, if u are reading this.. where's my timetable!?

i always think twentieth (i've been typing for quite some time, i cannot figure out how to spell that, hope u guys get what i mean) birthday is very important. because it's like the first birthday towards prime. the BIG TWO. and yet, not necessary be a responsible adult like 21 yet. so you kinda get to enjoy best of both worlds. that's how i always feel. thus, i think 20th (why didn't i think of that before) birthday is very important. and i'm someone who always count down to my birthday one month before and get so excited about it. hee.. i think no one else gets more excited about my birthday than me. that's what i always think.

somehow, when the birthday that i so look forward to this year doesn't even cheer me up. i forgot about counting down, and i kind of dread it. it's sad. it's the day that leona was brought to this earth and that's the best thing worth to celebrate for me, isn't it? i feel sad. and it's not helping that, i cant even conjure out a list of things i want, cos i really cannot think of anything. this sucks! my precious day of the year....

i promise when i wake up the next day, things would be better. but i cannot stop the tears welling up each time i fall to sleep...

the weekend was short but sweet. when it ended, i felt like it was all a dream. a very short dream, a dream i rather have and rather not have. rather not have because it ended too fast and make me want more. the emptiness i felt seemed bigger than before. and i don't think it can be filled up any sooner.

life seemed pretty meaningless these days. maybe meaningless is not the right word, because i have goals and dreams and things to do. i need to study for my final theory, i need to get my driving license, i need to prepare for my grade 8 theory, cos i just pass my grade 7. i need to run errands for my boy, need to prepare this, do that but somehow, in the midst of all these stuff, the loneliness i feel deep within is there, no matter how much i ignore its existence. doing all these stuff, the feeling of emptiness is still there. i know it. it knows me. sometimes, even when i'm on a crowded street, with people all around, i still feeling so lonely that i wanna cry.

actually, some stuff can be really simple, ain't it? some people can live their life for one purpose and one goal. one person. then life is easy, because ur happiness and unhappiness all derive from one source. i am not such a person but am i becoming one. things suddenly become so complex and complicated, i don't know what can i do to live it simpler. to be self-fulfilling. suddenly, i'm reminded of myself in the past. but now, things are different. to work hard towards a goal is good, but the mental state must be there. the determined, never say die attitude must be there. then, such a person can be happy and everythine will seem meaningful.

i'm not there yet. but i know i'll get out of this mess real soon. because if i don't, this emptiness feeling will eat into me, will eat all of me.

happy 1.5 anniversary!

haha.... no celebration. just wanna mark down this day. let's see.... 5 more days to the 27th!

finally, oh finally, the chinatown eggtarts melting into my mouth. ooooh.. oh so delicious, it's so so so goood! the egg taste, soft, smooth and silky. woooo... very very nice. finally. =) my next cravings.. hee hee hee.. BBQ FOOOD! when can i go for a bbq party??? i want i want!!!!

the day pass so fast yet the night seemed so long. mummy say i'm leading my life in a non-meaningful way but i beg to differ. my days are always packed. nicely packed i would say but the night always seemed so long. i'm pretty much of a person who loves sleeping in than sleeping early. it's only in the night that thoughts flood my mind, and loneliness creep in. let me count down.. one more week, i miss my baby.

wadever it may be... it has been a good week no matter what. =)

tonight when i talk to my boy, i feel sad. dunno why. after the past few nights, i thought i will feel fine, but when i talk to him tonight, i suddenly felt sad. i wished i could help him in some way or another. he sounded so sick and tired. i don't know in what way can i show my support more. like... i'm not in his situation, i won't understand. yet i wished i could help more. =( i dunno wad else i can do.

on a lighter note, ah chew dessert tmr!

cravings: EGG TARTS FROM CHINATOWN

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

A teacher of the Law came up and tried to trap Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to receive eternal life?"
Jesus answered him, "What do the scriptures say? How do you interpret them"
The man answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind'; and 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.' "
"You are right," Jesus replied; "do this and you will live."
But the teacher of the Law wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus answered, "There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him hald dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came there, went over and looked at the man. and then walked on by on the other side. But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon than man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wound and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Take care of him,' he told the innkeeper, 'and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him' "
And Jesus concluded, "In your opinion, which one of these three acted like a neighbor toward the man attacked by the robbers?"
The teacher of the Law answered, "The one who was kind to him."
Jesus replied, "You go, then, and do the same."

- Lk 10:25-37

I'm glad i fought my laziness and went to church today.

Cravings: Green bean soup

silly me, i got quite overwhelmed when my baby call me today. hee.... one full day without seeing and talking much feels pretty wierd. i guess i'm so so so attached to him lo but then i will survive la. i've got things to do. just no mood to go do them.

went out for lunch with xin den late dinner with amelia. when he's not around, i dun even feel like eating. hope i slim down..

metro having 50% closing down sales at tampines!! anyone interested?

and when are my dates!!??? why no one ask me out one?????

the day has finally arrived. and no, i did not go send him off. baby say it's too early for me and so asked me to sleep more. he just gave me a call this morning and all. tt's pretty about it. and since i'm still in my sleep.... i don't really recall exactly what we conversed. it's been less than half a day and i'm already missing him.

the past 2 weeks has gone by with only one purpose. everyday, we just want to spend more time together. no matter what we do, it's always together. until the last part, things got a little blurred. until last night.... i wasn't even thinking straight. not a proper goodbye i guess. hahaha... but tt's not important, i'll await his return. it's just 2 weeks.

now tt baby has finally gone army. it's time to plan my life and organise it. maybe i should start with my room. i m craving for some girlie times too. is everyone very busy out there?? no time for gatherings??? hmmmm.... date me date me date me leh!!!!

gotta go, get ready to go out lunch with xin

it's monday... that means 4 more days before my boy has to go in. and 3 more days to say bye to his hair. haha.. it's not going to make much of a difference to me. but i noe he already misses it badly. we spent quality time together, with every minute counts but then there were the many plans that we did not do, like ecp.... mustafa. ahhaaa.. okok.. all these are only my plans.. but still. i just wanna spend time meaningfully. but nonetheless, for the past one week or so, we kept eating goood foood. going broke soon.

anyway, i'm glad it's sunshine after the rain once again and rainbow could be seen. i'm just glad it's all over and out behind us. after all, i dun wanna be gloomy for the last week that we get to spend together. these times should be happy times ain't it. just hope we do understand where each other is coming from and try to fix it somehow. of course i want things to work out but it takes two hands to clap. one alone strength is never enough. okok.. enough of such stuff.. everything should start anew. =)

i love you, i really do. please make life easier when i'm tired and i need someone to depend on. i'll do likewise for you.

want to change blogskins.. but cannot find nice one leh.... maybe i will spend one whole day looking for one tt i really like. i hav all the time in the world after friday. girls out there.. date me out pleaseee.. =)

sometimes when i hear them discuss it the way they did, i feel quite disturbed. i don't know if somewhere out there, i was being discussed that way as well.

sometimes when i thought we were in it together, then i was wrong.

sometimes when i don't understand you, i feel it strains the both of us.

i guess only time can tell

our day at kushin bo.

he did this....

my boy and his new guitar. can it actually be seen clearly? it's blue and white. cool.... i actually have a video of how much he can play now, but i dun think he wants me to upload it. haha.. it's actually in my room, part of my property. next time anyone pay me a visit... or come my hse, feel free to play it. just dun spoil it! he will be angryy.. >(

haha... a update of bears i have now. a family of four. the last two are actually much smaller, maybe palm size but really cute. the last two came a little unexpected and on-the-spot. we just buy and go. haha

why no one leave me any tags??? no one reads about my blog or concerned about me anymore!???

okok.. life has been peaceful. hmmm.. hard to say it is peaceful when i have someone practising his guitar right beside me in my enclosed bedroom. haha.. note: i'm not saying his playing is noisy or sucky..... REALLY I AM NOT EVEN BEING SACARSTIC. i enjoy this little moment when i do my stuff and he practise right beside me and i cen reach over for a small kiss or hug. *blissful smile*

so little update here and there: my boy bought his guitar already. maybe i will upload a picture of it soon. since it's going to be permanantly in my room. with the amps and all.. and dear amelia.. amps means AMPLIFIER!!!! ahahhaa... it's something all electric guitar needs!! haha.. dun ever ask us wad's amps again ok!

life has been peaceful, blissful and fattening!! we do nothing but eat and laze around!! ahahha... but we'll be hitting the town soon. buy stuff.. shop... maybe go around eating good foood before he goes in. hmmm.. mabe i will really be bored after he goes in cos all my friends will be working or schooling but then.. i noe how to make my life happening. i think. i will try.

okok.. i got nothing much to sae.. maybe i will load some pictures sooon! if i take them la... hahaha