for two days, i've been hanging on to something that really makes my day, and sweeten me and something that makes me really really happy. but then for the past two days, i've been brooding over over some stuff. there's some inner struggle going on. i don't like this feeling. why is it that happy feelings cannot last? why issit that everytime at the peak of my blissfulness, something has to happen to rob me of my happiness? am i destined not to be happy for long in my life.

maybe tt's why everytime when i am really blessed and happy, i'm very scared. cos everytime after being happy comes unhappiness cos somewhere got there happiness just doesn't belong to me.

but at this point of time, i've come to terms with the situation already. i love him too much to sacrifice everything. to bear with everything, to swallow everything even the remaining very little of my pride. at least i know now that i loves him and that i'm happy. of course i hope i give him that kind of feeling too but what matters is that i put my whole heart into it. and i know i can face my own conscience.

i'm trying to be happy again. maybe missing him makes things worse. actually, i don't know which is worst, missing him or not getting answers. but like what i say, i love him, i should be willing to give up whatever thoughts, ideas i have.

Dear God, i hope he know this. know that i am really happy with him, know that i really want to love him in everyway i can, with every ability i know. know that i only want the best for him and know that i really want to cherish him better and treasure this relationship i have with him. and i hope he noes i wanna trust him and that i wan him in my future.

and thanks for those who consoled me in one way or another. let's hope everything will turn out fine.