these days, i kept asking myself the same question again and again. how have i grown so far? then everytime i gave myself the same answers, no, i haven't grown at all. how am i different from the girl i was 3 years back? why am i still walking in circles. why haven't i grown stronger or more independent. i don't get it. issit that i don't try? but no, i did. i know i did. so why haven't i show progress.

why issit that silence still makes me insecured? why issit that neglect still makes me scared? why issit that when phone calls/smses not returned, the thought of being abandoned and thrown away haunts me. i keep living in the black hole that i dug for myself 3 years back. again and again.

oh well... happiness is that difficult to have. happiness just doesn't belong to me.