you don't always put down all your things and attend to me.

life is so frustrating already, do i need this? but if i don't attend to it, who will? i don't wanna wake up one day to find you missing in my life.

As this is the cooling day, I have time to think, read and think somemore. This is my first time electing and boy, is this a spectacular time, with 82 seats contested out of 87. The heat is on!!!

For areas like Tampines, I don't see much issue which is a weird thing. People Like MBT and Wong Kan Seng should be feeling the heat and not people like Minister George Yeo. I quote somewhere, good candidate, wrong constituency.

I'm a Tampines girl and I love my area. I don't fancy the MP though. I relate to Nicole Seah. 12 years staying in tampines but never meeting my mp and with people around me telling me about how MBT screw up with the public housing and all, i don't know how to support and like him. But frankly speaking, the problem of the public housing is already there. I want to hear wad each party can think of how to solve the issue and so far, i don't like what I heard. There is no feasible confirm can solve this issue.. and importantly, i need the current scheme to stick because i planned my finances based on that. If the new scheme or anything comes in to disrupt it, i'm not i;m able to get my place anytime soon. And frankly, I'm fine with Tampines being better than alot of other areas. The biased-ness is to my favour so good for me and bad for the rest of the people lo.

Who needs real shaking up.. is really bishan's wong kan seng. Heard from chin, her side always walk over... seriously... he needs to take things more seriously NOW!!!! when people talk about having different voices in parliament.. i totally 100% agree.. but can take away those disgusting ones.. and not someone like minister George Yeo or not. He is one of the better ones and pls, I don't even stay in Aljunied now anymore but my heart goes out to him.

I hope he makes it. The last election his votes v close to opposition, my heart heaved a BIG SIGH of relief! I really like him, I hope he makes it.

This is really a month-end syndrome that I'm facing, or rather I would like to label it as that rather than admitting that I'm finding excuses for myself

Today, I was taught we need renewal and rejuvenating of our body, mind and soul. I think I'm very lacking in the second department.

I'm feeeling so "????" right now. I should find a word for it.... any suggestions? It's like a combination of restless-ness/sianess, tiredness of the mind, zombified, spaced out and a lot of other mixed and confused emotions. I need a word for such thing. A codeword....

Ah! I feel so bunnified. I just thought of that word, random i know but whatever~ I just wanna scream somewhere.... I might even delete this stupid post, for now, i just wanna rant

i know what i want for my wedding!! celebrity STYLE!!

hahaha.. this is the effect after watching some celebrity couple get married. hahaa

feels goood after some retail therapy, though nothing for myself. but i still feel good being able to buy things. =)

i really wanna get that puzzle to do but i'm not sure if i have the time to complete it. but I FEEL LIKE

second time on lrt, and one more time on Sunday again. Seriously, why is everyone in that area, far away from me!

Distance is getting to me and I'm getting more disoriented and disorganised... after a long hard day at work, i came hope to fall in the toilet. Now I have an ugly blue black below my knee!! BOO! =(

for You alone deserve all glory
for You alone deserve all praise
Father we worship and adore You
Father we long to see Your face
for You alone deserve all glory
for You alone deserve all praise
Father we love you
and we worship You this day

this is so exciting. mummy got a new lenovo, i secretly named it black pearl for her. haha... and cos i drag her to the IT show with me, i got a printer as well! =) a really good one to serve my purpose. now, i can do alot more things at home, in case office space gets too cramped.

speaking of which, i will be moving to tanjong pagar officially tmr. =) life's great, everything's great.. it would have been better if i get my 2 responses soooon. ahahaha

love love =)

there comes many points in a woman's life where she will keep feeling that she's not needed. i think the biggest blow will be when your kids outgrow you especially. They used to need you but now, they've gained independence. one would start to question the value of her life. i can imagine that kind of feeling, not needed and that you are becoming a burden. you start to be afraid of making requests. then you start to shut yourself away. how sad

alot of things is happening around right now. i feel like i lost something. maybe i really did.

when things are good, i think of all the mistakes i made. when things are bad, i feel like making mistake again. grrr.....

human beings are very delusional at times. We give people options, but clearly one of the option is the better one. So why do people still put in the obviously worst off option, cos like every primary school kid will tell you, it has to be a fair test. We put in the worst off option to make it fair, to be fair to tell the person that there is another way out but time and tests have shown me that, you deep down know that people will choose the better option.

i think humans are made selfish. and come out with reasons to justfiy their own selfishness. been there, done that. only people who still believe in happily ever after believes in fairness and believes that men and women can be equal. in this asian culture we are in, no matter how much women claims to be equal, somethings cannot be equal. for a change, let's do proposal tgt. guys propose with a ring, and maybe ladies propose with a car? a camera? i dunno what the guys like. i'm not saying that there are no woman who initiates a proposal, there are! i saw on tv summore. just that to be fair, then both do it.

i wonder what will happen if someone actually choose the worst off option, what will humans
mind or thinking be like after that?

some happy and not so happy thoughts about the day:

1. had a good time at the hsbc women's golf championship. it's my second day there as early as 8 in the morning. morning sun almost killed me. what didn't kill me got me really dark. came home and straight away put mask. cannot take it mans.

2. i never spend enough time with the boy, that for one but also for missing this morning's service. and importantly MasterLife as well. It would have been a good time of fellowshipping with the rest of the people. oh well, work doesn't occur every Sunday so yups, just have to bear with it a little.

3. Had a nice home cooked dinner.

=) =)

Give me more strength for the week ahead.

i came home to realise the skin on my thumb is bleeding. I dislike the feeling of coming home to find out i injured myself without realising. such things always happen and i don't like it.

quick to listen and slow to pass judgement, is something i'm working towards. another aspect is to stop expecting. this bubble is getting bigger and bigger and inside this bubble is actually nothing. all the hype for nothing. =/ i gotta stop thinking about it.

complacent makes you fat!

I want that Kate Spade bag badly!!!! =(

i had the loveliest time spent with the girls and xm and evelyn. better add their name in case they are reading this. haha!

i love traditions. especially when it's kept year after year. It brings people tgt.. it gives people excuse to come tgt. all in all, i love creating traditions and keeping them year after year. so steamboat, ah ma's ngoh hiong and quality time spent snacking on cny cookies is one tradition i wanna keep for as long as i m around. =)

it's been a long time since i blogged. again. it's a little hard to keep up with blogging lately, is it cos i am getting older? this is something i don't want to think about. I've reached that age when I don't want to grow up so fast. Unlike when i was in my TEENS, i can't wait to grow up but now.. WOAH... slow down mans!

It's a really good cny i had this year, slightly more visitings and more interactions with my relatives. I had fun. I'm still going to hold my annual steamboat party this year as well. Life's been great, everything is good right now. =)

Feb is going to be a fast and short month. I'm aiming towards making everyday count. March got OCBC cycle which i m going to take part, I think, if i'm registered.

i wish i have photos to show about my life.... i'm taking lesser photos as i grow older. =(

seriously cannot have any expectations from you mans.... bitter... sour.... salty... wadever it is.. just NOT SWEET!!! grrrr

home on a Sunday night, not in my best mood, with my bed 'undressed'. just want to lie flat and sleep till tmr. I know tmr is the start of it all again, things did not go so well today, my tummy ache from i dunno what.

I'm supposed to learn how to listen in this new year. not just hear, LISTEN. new year resolution.

why is everyone planting such thoughts in my head? i'm trying not to think badly of the situation or not think badly of the person but why is everyone making me feel that I should and I have the right to be angry. grrr....

don't think don't think. May the new year bring new thoughts to me and bring me to new heights!

3 straight days of homey food, so christmasy feel. =) i'm a happy girl.... my collection of hairbands is increasing and i'm even happier. =) one more week to the end of the year. i was talking to the boy on the long journey home from island SEGAR and we were talking about people's faces. He said he didn't understand how come people can have double face. I told him everyone is bound to have 2 different face, it's a matter of how different one face is from the other and also wad's the intention behind the faces.

i told him.. he's a different person in front of me and in front of friends. He's quicker to anger as compared to when he's dealing with irritating friends. He said that's because it's me. And i told him, exactly, i could trigger that emotion out of him quicker and make him slightly different than when he;'s with colleagues or friends.

I bet people can have more faces than 2 and right now, i;m searching for one that I want to live with. Boon is right, at this age, not young anymore to shake off responsibilities but also not mature enough to handle all of it that comes our way.

I like who I am when I'm with you all. I really do. I just wish.....

Philippians 4:19

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

it was a really gooood dream. i wished i never woke up

this little fettish of mine is expanding... i know times are different now, but i'm still allowed to have one small fettish right. i have to stop alot of things, but just this one, i hope to still have it.

i was reading one very very long ago entries blogged by me 5 years ago and i realised so much has changed. the people around me changed, the bond or the ties between us changed as well. gosh... i don't know if this is for the better or for the worse, because i sounded much happier then, surrounded by people I love so dearly. I still love them very much and i recognise that I will never be who i am today without them. does it work both ways? i have no idea... back then i seemed so sure that whatever i felt is vice versa, today.. 5 years older i have so much doubt. such irony....

it's been a really up and down week.. i m glad it ended with down.. looking forward to the bbq tmr.. =) more fruitful weeks before i go taiwan. =)

what lesson should I learn today? Nothing is for sure mans... I cannot pretend I'm not disappointed. But I hope I do better the next time.

So disoriented now.

one of the best that i've read thus far. the heartaching feeling i have. haik... love romance. oh... how old am i again??

but this is really goood, so sad i dunno whether i wanna continue reading or not.

something seem to be wrong, i dunno what to call it. i just don't feel that right... is this the beginning of the end? i hate to admit it, but everyone is right. I'm insisting on something as far away as a fairytale. don't even talk about 10 years, i don't even know how to carry on for the next few years, let's just hope it is pms acting up.

脚步很轻很轻很轻
你忘了要发出声音
睡的很静很静很静
你忘了说过要一起

天气很晴很晴很晴
你忘了今天不下雨
身体很冰很冰很冰
你忘了要张开眼睛

天空忽然决定下雨
我来不及收拾那些回忆
伞底下的那个你
丢下我去哪里

原来天空没有下雨
湿了的是我哭红的眼睛
滴答滴答滴答滴
我好想念你

i'm really sad to know i can't make it and even sadder to know some things are not going to be as planned.

i posed chin this question today.. if she was a guy... which of us 5 will she think abt being with... of course.. i told her my choice.. hahaha.. interesting....

an overwhelmed surge of nostalgic-ness (whatever the proper word is) came over me when i chanced upon the scrapbook my lovelies made for me when i was 18 years old. not sure if you girls remember but when i took it out and look at the pictures, i was like woah.. we looked so young then. so youthful, so carefree... and everything was so much simpler.

when u girls come over my place next time.. remind me to take it out.... it's really one of the best gift i ever receive.... even if it didn;t brought tears to my eyes 5 years ago... it certainly tugged my heartstring when i saw it again 5 years later....

after three weeks plus or so, the top four is born. netherlands, my favourite orange jersey people, uruguay, the unexpected, it could have just been ghana, germany, the rally on form team and lastly, spain, which i sincerely hope woul dget their asses kick by germany in the semi finals.

these days have been very cold days. and yesterday was one of the worst for me. keep getting caught in the rain. it wasn't the heavy heavy rain kind, but it was slight drizzle the whole day. so everywhere i went, i got caught in the rain bit bit here and there.. didn't bathe until at night around 11 plus. and plus the fact i slept only 3 hours the day before.... i was shivering.. and feeling very very cold while waiting for the match of spain and paraguay to begin.... and thanks to the wonderful creation of panadol... i took only one pill.. and after a while... i felt so much better.. really quite scared tt i will fall sick and all cos i dun have the time to fall sick.

well, all thanks to our wonderful creator, he gave me a beautiful sunday, a well rested body and the best boyfriend, had a nice cosy sunday.

i miss you

i forgot how painful cramps can be. i almost forgot all the aching symptoms that i have before it comes... and it all came back today. i always dream of having a hot water bottle to hug.... forgot how much i need it in the past, and the painful aching feelings all came back today.... nonetheless... my lovelies gave me a wonderful time today. i forgot abt the pain halfway through, and the pain actually left for a while.. but now at night.. in the middle of england v germany match, the pain is back.

board games are so fun... i feel like going back on ladies night.. which is a tues.. not this tues... hmmmm.... some arranging needs to be done. i still think the question about who u wanna get to do a shady business.. how could anyone have thought of me. i'm not tt dark... and meticulous... haha!

i love u girls and my boy... always will.. who else can tolerate me anyway.....

i'm so digging the new dcp world cup tee shirts... but 50 bucks for a tee shirt?? hmmmm.. and a working class girl doesn't have much opportunity to wear one anyway.. but it's sooo cute!

and yes ghana!! you're in!

more than half of the top 16 is out. halfway there.... for me too. i'm a very happy girl recently... at least i know i got nothing to be unhappy about. somehow... something still seem to be missing... oh well.... soccer has made my nights happier... hang in there first and see where i will land.

i think i made my daddy the happiest this entire month. everytime he comes home, the soccer channel is on. every single time.. unlike the past.. he had to fight the tv for it, and since there are 2 women in the house, he obviously don't get his way all the time. except saturday.. the ladies of the house decided to give him one night.. and that's sat. so this whole entire month, he's going to be a happy man.. coming home to soccer everyday.. i know my boy is not like that.. i wonder does he want to come home to cartoon everyday instead. hhahahaa!

so the next match.. ghana and australia... go ghana!

alot of people start to put distance between themselves and other people, be it in a drift away style or interact very little with people is usually cause they are afraid. they are afraid people will see through them. they have things to hide. maybe not in the bad way.. more of maybe they are feeling moody, emotional.. or simply in a i don't give a shit to this world kind of mood so they don't want to be near people, to pretend to enjoy company. they rather be by themselves. and the other kind is they have a true self tt maybe only really close people know. or maybe only they themselves know and no one else know and they are afraid that people outside will find out this secret self... and judge. thus, they rather not interact.

for instance.. a person can start drifting away from a group... and hang out less outside.. keep going home after work/school. u think tt person is in a emotional, moody period.. but it might not be. when people drift away from social group, maybe cause they done something that they are not proud of, they are upset... and they know people will judge.

so why oh why do people judge... that's like a whole separate issue really.

i need a retreat.

the long wait is finally over! i'm very very excited... the world cup is starting in less than 3 hours time. wooots. =) it's going to be a month of sleepless nights but roaring excitement. maybe alot of people might not understand why i'm so excited about it.... even my own boy don't. hahaa... i'm never a girl who likes soccer. what league what league.. i never ever watch.. but i just like world cup.. ask me who i support ar... not any country in particular.. just like to support it match by match.. make some predictions... overall champion.. hmmm.. maybe brazil... any country but SPAIN. haha.. oops.. i got something against them. i wonder why.

i just bought a new laptop.. rubee!! i'm really happy. finally.. the antique can be used for only office purpose. i don't have to carry laptop to and fro. no more heels and heavy load in arms. and if u guys know, i'm a sucker for high heels.. like quite high heels.. cos i think those are the only ones that are pretty.. and so my poor feet suffers with me. ahahaa.

back to world cup.. first match.. host country vs mexico.... i'm thinking it might be a draw.... mabe host can surprise me? i need more people to watch with me.. spread the joy. hahaa...

i'll be back

hello world.... i'm back. am i long forgotten? replaced? in anyway... i'm back. =)

it's been a very meaningful journey for myself in the last 6 months. a journey that i intend to continue walking. somewhere that i see myself walking to without seeing any end to it. yet. haha.... whatever it is, it's good to be back. i should start keeping track of my thoughts, share my beliefs, my nonsense again. i do miss bloggging quite abit where i can rattle and rattle.

i hope people still come here to check on me every once in a while....

how much a friendship means to us largely depends on the memories we created with that person. how much this friend means to us depends on all the things we went through together, be it the happy ones or the sad ones.

a friend holding u and telling you everything is ok when you are crying your eyes out. or a friend who skipped classes with you and go spend the afternoon slacking or playing somewhere. all these are memories that will follow us through the years and even when now you lost contact with that particular friend, you will think back of the good times you had tgt and also all the memories you created with that person, big or small ones, you would be prompted to automatically go pick up the phone and call him/her. or maybe drop a message. we do this little actions cos we remembered. all the memories we share with that person, and how much this friendship had meant in the past.. or means to us right now.

A gift of love

the phrase let time tell it all is so appropriate to use at this point of time. time has told me what i knew right from the start. what i chose not to fully believe in but time has told me what i need to know. time has proven things right. things are slowly changing and i m aware. i'm sure no one is that insensitive to be unaware. why prolong it, i wonder. maybe it's better to let time sink in further den abruptly calling it off. i'm dreading things.

a very long month ahead of me.

i'm really upset!! frustrated.. and how many times over the past few years i kept feeling like this... why am i being punished!!!!!

yes, it's been quite some time since i last blogged and i promised i will blog before the month of january end. so tonight's my deadline.

it's been one whole roller coaster ride month for me. alot of new things learnt, alot of harsh lessons included. different kind of people you meet and different kind of experiences. but i have to say, i'm still learning, moulding and shaping myself. things hasn't been all rosy but it won;t get me down, cos i know i haven;t gave it my best shot.

for those who know me well enough.. am sure i have been going around bragging abt myself signing up a marathon! 21km!! woots for me! oh.. my dear xcyflawz.... we are going to have a cny eve reunion like we always do right.. lunch time?? 13th lunch??? pls tell me who cannot make it sooon....

i love new year. it gives me a feel that whatever i screwed up or failed to do, i can always make it right again. so i will tell myself, like how i tell myself every other year, this year is going to be a goood year for me. and i'm going to complete all my new year resolutions and get all that i want! give me some credit here yea. i m trying to be optimisitic for the new year and i need all the enthusiasm or optimism to carry me through 2010.

another reason why i love new year is also cos it gives me the excuse to change all my old stuff to new ones. and i will use the new year to pack abit.... revamp abit... all to make me feel happier abt my so called new beginning.. now now now.. all i lack of is a new calendar... be it those stick on the wall.. or flip kind.. I NEED A NEW CALENDAR. someone.. pls? ahhaaaa

when i think of ur absence this weekend, i can't help but feel sad. but then on the other hand, when i think of how much time we can spend tgt in our life time, this seem very trivial.

i can't help feeling a little down though. miss u terribly.

seriously, guys don't have to go to great lengths to be sweet to a girl. somehow, i find all the small nitty gritty details ten times sweeter... simple things like after going out with a girl, most people think it's sweet if he sends u all the way home.. i think it's sweet if he calls a cab for u.. or flag a cab for u also and like send u safely into the cab and end the night by saying, give me a call or sms when u reach home safely... i think tt's equally sweet as well and i totally dig it. hahaa..

also there are many circumstances that are sweet... it's not about going out of his way to do things for u... but also about not doing certain stuff because he had u in mind. it's as simple as being a single carefree person, he doesn't have to care about anything other than himself.. but with you in mind, he decided not to go out with his friends so often, not drinking so often, not smoking so often. it's stuff like that. it's abt changing ur daily routine. about some stuff tt u always do but because u have someone in mind, whether he/she will mind, maybe i shouldn't do it. i think by thinking that way and by not doing ur usual stuff cos of someone, tt's sweet. really sweet. the having someone in my mind and acting based on that. i think tt's uber sweet.

soak me with some sweetness and love, though i need to have some time alone.. but tt doesn't mean i dun want all these after i'm out of these....

there could be 1000000 stuff out there but there's only one me.

this is totally not the best time to be out there partying and enjoying. i wanna stay home and isolate....

freaking random-ness tt i m suffering from. blues... siansation.

i m finally understanding the meaning of all these. i'm trying to escape.... esp from that someone who cannot seem to stop nagging, even at this moment, right beside me. i shouldn't flare up i keep telling myself but alot of things do no make sense. i dunno wad is wrong, i only know i wanna run somewhere far away, away from all these....

with the taste of magarita still lingering in my mouth, here is my blessed and blissful christmas.





and a comparison of iphone picture quality and my sucky sucky phone quality.... why didn't someone tell me earlier magarita can be so sweet and nice... whee.... going off for more boooze or milo. hahaa

it's christmas eve. i skipped brunch with the rest and chose to spend the day resting and nua-ing at home. the weather is awesome, so good that i wished i can stay home the whole entire christmas eve, counting stars (if there is in sngapore), cuddling, watching tv, sipping tea, exchange gifts, unwrapping them... ahahaa.. this is a wish from the homey side of me... but i have another side of me. and that is the go out, have fun, party, dress-up, drink and party summore. but of course, after the partying part, i will still wanna go home cuddle and count stars to sleep. hahaa...

i always want the best of both world. and the harsh reality always comes back to me to tell me that i can't. yes, i'm nothing but a spoilt brat yea? i need to use this mini break to think through, to prepare myself for the challenges up ahead. i'm excited yet scared. i set these high expectations of myself and now i'm afraid i can't meet them. wha't expectations, what's right and what's wrong.

i need this break... and i need some christmas love!! gifts and cards.....

Happy 100th monthsary nu peng you.... can u believe it... we met and got acquainted and got closer and ta da.. it's 100 mths!! ahahaaa... the sweetest friendship one can ever have... let's look forward to the many many more mths to come.. loves loves loves.

this is the day that everything's gg to change.... i need to make some readjustments, in every aspect of my life.

where is th place where i can feel safe. everywhere i go i feel like i'm going to fall somewhere and some more. i miss my boy....

i'm upset with myself... for my clusiness, for my sillness, for my this and that. i can't believe i can just fall down like tt and now i end up with a burning knee. freak....

how do i get rid of this lousy feeling... one day before the day.... yucks.

Three months pass by in a flash. sam still remembered it was 16 sept. and now, i've a few days of rest before i'm embarking on another journey. abit too soon, some will say but if i rest too long, i think i will feeel so lazy to do anything. so yea.... i need motivation every now and then. i think E noes it.... everytime i meet him for training.. i feel that he noes i need to be like pushed and motivated.

lemme drop a big hint to my friends out there... in the new journey and esp when in the first few years of my next career... really need lots encouragement and motivation.. =/ give me more love my friends!!! haha!

another nice weekend to chill in. long weekend for me.

i think it's december.. thus i got a sudden desire to meet people.. ahaha.. well.. not any other tom dick or harry on the road.... but people i care and pple close... it's been so long since i tok to certain people, i dun even want to try counting how long. it's been so long since i actually meet certain people... if u are reading this and u fall into this category.. drop me a sms now!!!! let's meet up to chill.. to snack, to gossip, to just meet up! anything... let's end december with well wishes, meet ups and lots lots more..

ahhahaaa... as i type.. i realised it sounds like some advertisement.. is it? ahahhaa... oh well.... here i m bored bored at 8:50 at work.. work dun start till 9 for me actually.. have been accompanying the boy to work this whole week so far.. which is half an hour earlier than my actual time... but it's nice tt we bring breakfast for each other.. well.. i try... but elaborate breakfast requires waking up even earlier!!

anyone has a spare laptop to spare me?? i feel crippled like seriously.. no laptop to use... cannot acceess alot of sites from my office. basically disconnected with the world.. in my puny world now.. there is only me and my best friend stuck on tt island with no communication otherwise.. occassionally sending out help msges like this. ahahahaa.

YES.. as u can tell.. boredom gives me lots of room for imagination.. haa

i m so getting this game!

my best friend at home has decided to leave me and go accompany my bf, cos he needs to work on his project and actually he needs my best friend more than i do. i mean i merely just watch shows, facebook away and check mails, nthing as important. but it's also goood, cos my best friend left just in time for my new best friend to fill the place. i was afraid i might neglect my best friend (or should i say ex-best friend) when my new best friend arrived... and so ta-da.... i have my new best friend all to myself..... wii is the name of my new best friend....

pardon my silliness.. here i m at work... nthing much to do.. it's amazing waad a contrast from yesterday. Yesterday was the month's end. Last day and we were all swamped with work.. lesser chit chats.. everyone typing typing away... and everyone knowing it's going to be a long long night. and today... so freee!! at least for me.... and did i mention tanjong pagar after 7 is like a ghost town.. food places all close... there's hardly anything left to eat.. wad happens to those pple starving, had to stay past 8.. come down from office and realised.. eh.. nthing to eat. i had sucky ramen after 8 last night.. dun get me wrong, the ramen is nice to eat. the soup and all.. just that they only got one kind of ramen.. e one with the jap char siew and egg.... standard... and they only have 3 different soup base. so no matter wad soup base i choose.. i still have to eat char siew.. and i'm not a fan of porl.. so basically.. i had noodles soup yesterday at the price of 14.50!!! hmmmmm.. definitely not worth it!

i miss my best friend at home.. and this whole week.. not much time to spend with it also... practically have something on every night and my weekends are filled already! i just wanan complete tt game den i can focus on another one!

i had one of the loveliest long weekend ever.. and it is not entirely due to my new toy.. but i'm giving all credits to the boy. he has been nothing but sweet and accomodating the whole entire time. right from waiting at expo for me for a few hours to come decide and see whether i wanna get my wii or not (the place was almost closing when i reached) and heading back down the next day to get extra controllers and not forgetting we had to go back down that night cos the controller we got was faulty. i hate hate hate doing such troublesome matters and i dun particularly like going to fairs and squeeze cos it's really really crowded. so i wasn't in my best mood and temper.. but he still managed to pacify me and was really patient with me... and I seriously thank God for that. i mean it doesn't help when two hot tempered persons argue and all.. over such a nice long weekend with wii.. and den everyone's moods spoil. so yea.

and also for hanging out with pple i love as well.... and trying and making effort to be nice and taking initiative and all.. hahahaaa..... the list goes on... but i'm really thankful for him and everything that he has done for me... there are days when i feel grouchy and will forget such a happy time i had with him.. so i gotta jot this down and remind myself when things get dreary.... and hoping people who reads this will remind me as well. aahaha...

meanwhile.. wii wii wii wii wii.... seriously.. playing games is really a form of luxury.. u think just by getting wii is enough? no.. there's the controller... and accessories tt we wanna get as well.. wii charging stand... wii games... wii motion plus for certain games.. the list just goes on.. but right now.. im happy with wad i have... =)

i'm a happy girl!

my early christmas gift... wii!!! loves loves loves... whee to my boy and whee to wii!! =)

seriously... getting a gadget always require so much homework to be done.... and up till now, i'm still pretty confused.. can someone like teach me or guide me? i mean.. why is buying one wii so difficult.. putting price aside... there's so many other things to look out for... updating, modifying, and cannot anyhow modify somemore.. patching or whatever shit.. making sure i can access to wiishop... GOSH!! HELP ME SOMEBODY!!! >(

the number of things i have to abstain eating makes me wonder if i can eat anything anymore... i cannot eat nuts.... and sesame... no eggs, no oyster sauce... no seafood and that includes prawns, crab, sotong.. and the list goes on.. luckily for me.. fish is still on the list.. and oh yea.. no alcohol.. how do i literally survive. esp when it comes to eggs.. so many things has eggs inside tt u dun notice it at all?? gosh.... =(

where is my life now.... and when is this nightmare ending?

gosh... this sucks mans... i was just thinking how come my rashes dun seem to be healing or anything and given my free time, i went online and google abit, now i suspect my rashes are actually eczema. i have all the symtoms... the itch and the scaly, peeling skin.... and now i m at a lost.

how do i go on to hsbc like that... i dun wanna look scaly and red, with rashes all over me.... and the next thing... how to keep taking off to go see doctor or something. i went to polyclinic last week.. after putting the medcine and all.. it doesn't seem to be healing or anything... just the same.. so i kinda wanna go back polyclinic and get a referral lecture to the skin centre or something. =( den there's facial this sunday supposedly? i dun think i m in the correct condition to go... ISSUES....

ARG!

Sometimes, on mornings like this when i'm so free that i let my mind wander all sorts of place, i wonder why pple are oblivious to things or people around them and others find those stuff such an eyesore. is like one party can blissfully be unaware of the dirty patch on the clear window, happily going in and out of the house while the other party immediately saw the dirty patch and get really upset about it that they wanna rub off and scrub off that patch of dirt.

i also wonder how come some people will think so highly of themselves when they are not as worthy as they think they are, worse still, they actually think they have the authority to oppress those under them. i mean for this case, no one is indispensible... they know that right? how can anyone actually think they are important enough to be unreplacable.

how do we ever know what's really right? and what's the masterplan for us? i hate gloomy mornings.... i wonder too much..

the highlight of the night.... marinated frog leg. it's actually nic's mum recipe... thought i will give it a try den improvise from there... so as long as it suits my boy's taste of childhood mummy's food? haha



halfway through... a mini accident... in my attempt to clean the stove with kitchen towel while the fire's still on.. i burn the whol paper.... had to pour water over it to stop the fire.



But dinner's still served punctually.... the extreme left corner is steamed egg... den highlight of the night and veggie with shitake. =)

i found more motivation to cook these days... my precious boy seemed to be not eating much outside... like if we were to dine out.. he won't eat that much... like maybe skip a breakfast, lunch or both kind of thing. but if i cooked.. i m pretty sure he wun have excuse not to finish MY foood! so yes.. more home cooked sunday meals to come.

i had a goood weekend.... really goood one... and time seemed to fly by.... back to IJ for the very first time after they renovated and upgraded. hmmm... some stuff are there.. some stuff changed... but i guess the biggest change is me.. guess i dun feel the same for certain stuff anymore. but i'm definitely still loving the meesua there! outside the school that is. hahaa.. den it was alpha graduation.. all ended well.. and we had a really good time.... i'm going to miss having tt to occupy my every saturday.

i started my sunday with breakfast at the coffeeshop... toast and egg.. haha.. old school stuff den headed off to church.... den go grocery shopping. simple day for simple stufff... i'm truly blessed every single day.... =)

oh my gosh... i cannot believe this.... i can actually blog in the office.. the other time i tried, they blocked my entry.. but this time round, i managed to dive right in! wiggle my way in but there's still msg below my taskbar: " To help protect your security, Internet Explorer has blocked this website from displaying conetne with security certificate errors." in light yellow. and now... here i can spam my own blog... i know i will be so bored the entire day i might be able to write at least 8 (that's the number of hours i work each day) entires... one for every hour, minus lunch hour??

didn't have computer access for the past 2 days... cos the boy is on leave and he wants to com for his usage and evelyn.. if u are reading this, i'm sorry.. i know i got stuff to discuss with you... and it's been dragging.. keep wanting and reminding myself to msg you.. but i keep forgetting. now that i remember... WE WILL DO IT SOOON, k? promise promise!

have been eating medcine for my itch and rash the past 2 nights and i concussed for the the past two nights as well.. drowsy medcine really v amazing, knocked you out totally.. till morning, if not for my own alarm. and ar, my rash doesn't seem to be healing.. one side of my face is as swollen.. and my chest.. =( ARGGHHHHH and the haze and dust in singapore is not helping AT ALL!

pls... anybody who reads this.. feel free to email me at work mans.. i m so bored and i cannot access facebook or msn or wadever chat system there is.. boredom! my only form of entertainment is from emailing... this is the only way i get to reach out to the outside world... the only way at work.. =/

credits to amelia

haha.. not that she made this or anything.. but it's cos of her.. i got inspiration. she cooked omurice for me last week (did i mention i do enjoy being guinea pig) but cos she packed the food for me, so there wasn't egg. and since then... i have craving for omurice.. with the egg! and do u guys noe there's a new ??? town in raffles city, this japanese resturant... dunno issit fast food type of restaurant or wad but i saw their menu.. there's omurice!! made my craving even stronger and so since i m on leave today.. decided to give it a shot.. with the remaining ingredients i have in my fridge.. taste wise.. definitely can be improved.. but i simply love the egg wrap rice concept! hahaaa...

so i mentioned i was on leave... woke up this morning with a very bad rash.. the rash has been there since monday but it became more visible and itchier last night. so i took leave to go to polyclinic to see the doctor. guess this will be the last time i go polyclinic.. thought cheap.. the time we waited.. =/ gosh.. is this a weekday morning or something? so so os many pple were there.. and not to add.. the doctors are not tt professional.

i m so looking forward to this sat... i hope my rash gets better.. the doctor said it is infection.. but from wad mans. i dunno. =( i do hope i will look alright this sat and not go back IJ scare pple.. or celebrate the last of alpha in such a state...

looking forward to trying nic's mum recipe this sunday! =)

it feels good to stay at home on a friday afternoon like this.... clad in home shorts and baggy shirt, relaxed and at ease... i started to do minor household chores. my mum always say, even if i dun help out with the house's chores... the least i could do is tidy up my bedroom and that is what i did.

first thing first, bedsheets.... and super single is already tiring... not that changing bedsheets or pillow case is tiring.. is more of changing the comforter cover... if u have one at home.. you would know what i mean... i cannot imagine changing a bigger bed's comforter cover in the future... definitely a work out for my biceps. den next is sweeping of my room floor. being a normal girl, i drop a healthy amount of hair each day. dun get me wrong.. not that dropping hair is healthy.. is just that dropping hair is a norm for ladies... and so my room after mths of non-sweeping or mopping, there are months worth of hair.. but it's clean now!!! i love it when my room floor is clean. i feel that i can eat right out from the floor! den i pack my clothes, wash my make up sponge and tada! my room is clean!! not exactly tidy.. but that could be worked on.. maybe tonight after cell or something.. i shall see.

i finished my basic course already. what else is there to come i'm not too sure... but it's really important to self motivate. that i know. and i know i will learn alot from now onwards.... all the best to me mans.... i'm scared but i know i have to move on. but for now... let me just enjoy the things as it is.....

back to work on monday... with so many things change.. i wonder anyone remember i still work there.

on days like these... i'm so upset i feel like crying... i have so much things i wanna shout out.... so much frustration.. but i keep a smile.... i pray so so so hard and... there's pretty much nthing i can do about it already.

meeting up with gfs is one of the goood things to look forward to in life. i'm a happy girl...... though i have to mug abit.. feeling so lazy and sleeepy... maybe i could wake up tmr morning to mug instead?

no.. i will be too lazy and complacent.

2 days down, 2 days to go.

one day down with 3 more to go before i officially become an agent. and the next few days are just gg to get tougher and tougher.

Our dinner.... new recipe, not one that i thought of but i took it from shape and modify a little to our tasting... raw salmon with soba and sesame dressing. all in 20 mins or less. quick and easy. no fuss. and it's really not too bad at all.. at least the boy likes it so i can safely add it in my recipe book that i complied. and i'm very excited about the new cookbook i got from church.. lots of things i can try out... i wanna be a good cook! cook yummy stuff for pple. i know i got a long way to go, getting good and proper kitchen utensils is one. haha

cycling trip was great... i dunno why my back is aching instead of my calves. at least my thighs and butt are.. so ok. steamboat was great as well.. and so is my ah chew's greenbean plus seaweed. then putien was lovely.... all with great company i must add.. and i can't wait for pay to come and go shopping with my boy.... he's dying to lay his hands on .... i know.. i love seeing him shop.. makes me happy as well....

tmr is a start to a whole new chapter..... i'm nervous.. i need all support i can get.. but like wad my friend said.... just treat it like u are a student... i will be fine.. right? i noe i will be... but.... butterflies in stomach.. pls leave me alone?

i am looking forward to the weekends, it's all that working "adults" look forward to i guess... but this week is an exception for me. after the weekends, i'm like officially starting a whole new journey and i'll be alone. i guess i shouldn't be afraid, i mean, i made the choice already didn't I? putting these thoughts aside, i'm still embracing the weekend. cycling in the morning... dinner with the guys at night....

i just have a problem with this huge red and swollen *** under my nose~!!

i have a love-hate affair with this particular weekend. tsk... the insecurity building up again....

Just for Angel:

SATC is Sex and The City. and we went victors kitchen on sat.... and then ate ice cream beside the dustbin! hahahaaa. Don't ask. Ah Chew was packed you see....

If I could blog in the office, maybe I would have flooded my blog already.... It's not that I got nothing to do in office, it's just that I'm going on a one week leave next week, so they would really rather I got nothing to do, to pass my stuff down to the new guy, to clear up my work... it sounds like I'm leaving hor.... I'm afraid after I come back, I would become reduncdant already. =/

Anyway, went to bedok 85 yesterday and i begin my glutton journey.. We had stingray, cockles and lala. WOO... shiok! The the bbq chicken wings... wanted to eat carrot cake or hokkien mee.. but cos chin didn't know and she ordered rice.. and bam! i m full.... but i still could stuff 2 Ah ballings in my mouth. hahaa.....

BUT i ended up with a tummyache.. not tummy tummy ache.... is more of i had gastric before chin came to pick me... and i just ate... after that, stomach was still in pain.. =/ but i didn't regret all the things i stuffed into my mouth. i'm still going back for more.. kembangan meesua would not see me for a long time...

got to go work... how can i blog at workkkkkk... hmmmmmmm

SATC never fails to make me smile, to make me laugh, to make me touched.... the fabulous friendship that the characters share. at the really end of the day, having great friends to stick by you through every major or minor things in your life is the best blessings that one can have. and i'm always always thankful i have these bunch of friends who stick by me... during my grumpy and crazy times. Had one of the loveliest sat with the girls... HUGS. i cannot wait for the next SATC to come out.

Caught my sister's keeper today... and i cried buckets. like seriously.. and it was a really nice coincidence that GV gave out free packets of tissue today at the ticket counter. I'm not too sure if they gave out to only people who's watching my sister's keeper? but according to e boy, they dun give out to everyone... and on top of that, the cover of the tissue is not all that appropriate in the first place.. i mean hello, DARAH? with that scary woman... i told him to tear it away. i just wan the tissue which in the end serve its very good purpose. and ch is right... man has a gift and that is the fact that they know how to suck the tears right back in. it's a really nice show.. i read in the papers the ending is different from the book's? anyone read the book? wad's the ending like?

and so, there are times like tonight that i looked at my blog and realised i've neglected it. totally... and that i really really wanna do something about it. i hereby promise i will try to blog more often... words can be so communicative? some thoughts that i dunno who to tell... and as i type.. it just flows... so yea... i will tlry to blog more often. i'm sure i do have tt small handful of readers out there still.... i think.

anyone know about the show, A Christmas carol? or caughter the trailer? i'm so tickled by it...

"Disney's A Christmas Carol," a multi-sensory thrill ride re-envisioned by Academy Award-winning filmmaker Robert Zemeckis, captures the fantastical essence of the classic Dickens tale in a groundbreaking 3-D motion picture event. Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey) begins the Christmas holiday with his usual miserly contempt, barking at his faithful clerk (Gary Oldman) and his cheery nephew (Colin Firth). But when the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come take him on an eye-opening journey revealing truths Old Scrooge is reluctant to face, he must open his heart to undo years of ill will before it's too late.

SCROOGE!! HAHAA.... abit of a private joke... but yea... it's really funny when xin pointed it out to me.

A beautiful weekend yet again. Nothing happens by chance... everything is planned.. Tmr signing the contract. gosh.. nervous yet excited.. yet feel so unreal.. yet yet yet.... oh well.. lemme settle wad i m going to wear first...

i hate nights like this. much more than nights which darkness could swallow me whole or nights which loneliness engulfed me entirely... i really beautiful days that end on such a bitter night! yuck!!

i always seem to make the wrong choice! yuck yuck!

=(

nothing beats a doting boyfriend and i want to declare it proudly, in anyway i want.

i m a happy girl!! a start of a happy weeekend!

the best type of kisses in the world are kisses on the forehead. at least for me, that's definitely the sweetest type that I like.

these days, I've been living my life in a rush. i rush to work in the morning, cos i dun wanna be there later than 9, not even a min, i rush back tampines on days i have tuition which is at least 3 days a week for this month, cos it's the exam month. I guess weekday are like that, especially for the working pple. I do envy those who are going on holiday like one colleague of mine and friends who are going holiday at the end of the year. i also look forward to this particular sat, where i can spend the whole entire day with the boy. how long has it been since we had one full day tgt.... even though we wun exactly be by ourselves on that day itself... but i m looking forward to starting the day with u and ending it with u.

an apple a day keeps the doctor away. a kiss a day makes my blues away.

im in very good mood today. =) and when i look at my bank account balance and saw that the pay is in.. it simply made my day!

another great weekend spent though the weekend is not exactly over yet. but i know tmr will be just as nice as today.

i did something that i never thought i would. i actually queeue 20 mins or so for nasi lemak!? chin and i went changi village cos i was craving for nasi lemak. went there in the rain.. q in the hot hawker centre and den got a little impatient so i went to sit at some nearby seats while chin continued to q for me. haha... the place is smoky and stuffy... but i keep telling myself determination and perserverence will pay off.. and it did. the nasi lemak rox. maybe it's cos this entire week i have been starving myself, ill-treating my tummy. i will try not to do that next week, esp when i have intensive tuition and all. october will pass by in a flash. i know it will. which reminds me.. i need to go book my dentist appointment sooon. working life makes things not easy at all.

i'm very happy that you took the extra effort. i never thought after this long, the sparks and chemistry that i always talk of can still be flying in the air. no matter what happens, i'll always remember this blissful moment in my life.

if it's my efficiency that caused myself to do the extra work, i would just get upset with myself and frustrated but with myself. but it's not my inefficiency that made me work so late!! n i'm really pissed off about it....

- - - - - - -

felt much better after a pot of clam chowder... and yes, that's my dinner. i'm just worried abt tmr. how to finish the load of REPEATED WORK!!!!!!!!

arggg!!! clam chowder is not enough!!!!!

it's thursday and i am looking forward to friday cos i know it will end nicely. then a nice weekend will be spent with family, friends and my boy. though more time will be spent away from the boy but nvm, we'll make use of friday night after work.

work does get mundane on some days, but i'm getting used to it. i wun sae i hate it, in fact i'm ok to it to a certain extent. it opens me and show me what i might like and what i might not. time is on my side as of now and i'm going to make the best out of it and plan something for myself.

one big problem and that's money. it's not coming in faster than i would have like it to. i wanna change and revamp my whole wadrobe, the working clothes section. dunno where to start from and where to get the money from. grrrr.... but nonetheless......

i love weekends! =)

i have a love hate affair with public holidays. i love the fact that it gives me a longer weekend spent with the boy but i hate the fact that i go back to alot of piled up work waiting for me. haha... it's only singapore's public holidays, not other countries' that's why we have the piled up amount of work to do when we get back. i guess the long holiday is to prepare us for one of the busiest morning ever and the most rushed through lunch since i started work. o well... busy is good in a way also la, times flies.

i'm so glad the boy stays near where i stay. there's always a quick dinner together, taking the same bus home together. such short periods of time totally end my day on a happy note. it makes the day more bearable and it makes me dread tmr lesser as well.

do u noe soyjoy is really very nice. i take a bar with me to work nowadays, cos in case i get hungry in the afternoon or something. it's really v tasty, very much to my surprise. it's a tad too ex though. 1.85 for one.. tt's close to 2 dollars for at most 5 bites! maybe i should switch to quaker? or uncle toby... but soyjoy is really nice!!!! hahaa

how fast the past 3 days pass and here i m preparing for work tmr already. this is what working life is about yea? but at least i know i have a fruitful and nice weekend to look forward to every week. just that this coming week will be grandma's bdae celebration then watching a play on sunday too. katong laksa still on?

when i was at kino the other day, this book caught my attention. the title is how to spend less or something along that line. i flipped to the introduction page and the author said, if u picked up this book, it more or less show u know u are spending out of ur line and that u want to do something about it. haha.. yes i know, i need to save. big time.... i should really start organising my finances somehow, and save. no more nice foood for me, which is goood cos i am going to go on a diet, i am trying!!!!! =/

motivation, encouragement, love and care are all things i thrive on.

the man just don't get it. best slogan ever.

i love long weekends, i love sweet and nice weekends. i really do. but i hate the nagging feling somewhere at the back of my head telling me it's going to end soon or that work and sian-sation is waiting ahead of me.

and some silly boy just dun get any hints i gave him, and i tell u it's very obvious ones. i didn't even bother trying subtle ones!

it's a really goood day, a good start to the long weekend. maybe cos i started work, weekend seems more precious, sweeter? i m not entirely sure. maybe it's the alpha that i m attending, making the weekend feel so good? i really don't know. but i'm still smiling in front of the com now.

i had a really good day, good foood, good company and ended it on a sweet note. we had so much fun with 'The Ugly Truth", it really amazes me how long i've spent with this guy of mine and yet looking forward to more. God works in amazing way.... i don't doubt, i just wait and trust and on days like this, he simply brings me to cloud 9 and let me linger on.

i'm really happy. a nice weekend to compensate a decision made. =)

I don't know if I'd made the wrong choice. It's too early to tell. Maybe it's the fact that circumstances keep working against my favour.

Woke up at 5 to study and yet I don't feel like I'm ready, or rather I should say I don't feel refreshed and alert enough to be ready for the paper later. I'll do my best, all right but I can't wait to jump into bed at a super early time tonight already.

I just need a energy boost, somewhere, somehow to get me through this. Weekends therapy might help or maybe after 2 weeks or so, everything would have more or less settled.

i don't know... i can't think straight.

I read something today which made me deeply moved. Maybe at this point of time, it's still abit too complex for someone like myself to comprehend. but i'm going to remind myself, esp in times of needs that God always has a plan for us somehow.

It's coming into mind september already. i sometimes remind myself of a struggling person, maybe in waters. There's a log nearby and all i have to do is reach out to it and i can be saved, at least temporary. but yet, i refused to do so, i'm still trying to wait for an airplane to come, or even a boat, anything but that log. however, that log after so long, is still there... and i'm still waiting in vain. what am i looking for actually. i find it too tiring to go think, figure out or analyse. i want to do something for myself. something i can proudly declare the results of my determination.

somehow, i do feel good. despite of everything else in my life. i really do feel good. these few days.. i keep day dreaming, of somewhere in the future in about 5 yrs time. usual silly me. oh well....

i'm really angry with myself for the lack of discipline. i'm getting lazier and it's not benefiting me in anyway. why can't i do something about it.

help!!!!!

this weekend HAS TO BE PUT TO GOOOD USE!

i hate myself for being so weak and vulnerable. i hate myself for caring so much. the old saying is so true. the one who cares more loses most. being selfish seems like a better way out of this mess. i hate this feeling inside me. i hate it... time is on my side... and i hate it. i know what having time can do to me. i hate it. yucks.. everything sucks. big time!

love, hope and faith.... is all being put to test. and hope is plunging way down.

i have to say this is one of the best birthdays i had ever have. and strangely, this is not because of what i did or gifts i receive, but cos of all the well wishes i got from many people. people i know and people i've not seen for quite some time. it's really very endearing. how simple happiness can be. it's just very nice to know my friends care and i feel so so so loved!

but i still need to give an update how my birthday went right? hahaa.. am sure some people out there are curious, maybe, maybe not. just a record of it for myself to read it in the future den.

i waited for chef Tan to come over my place to cook me lunch.. seeing him busy in the kitchen... washing up the dishes, cooking the meal for me and making cosmopolitan for me, can't help but smile. den it was The Proposal, movie at downtown east den we took bus down to parkway parade... met nic's mum and ate dinner together. den after dinner, nic and i walked from parkway parade all the way down to ice cream chef to get one cup of ice cream. it's not the ice cream that made me smile and feel blissfully happy.. is the walk. i love taking long walks with my dear one, though i feel bad when i see perspiration forming on his forehead and neck.

finally we cabbed home and i have chin spending the last few minutes of my birthday with me. am i allowed to be so happy on a single day? i feel something bad would come my way somehow?? like job finding will be futile and all? (i'm trying not to think of money and job search issue the whole day) but true happiness is all i feel today..

i learnt that without expecting alot.... u actually receive so much more... Thank you everyone who played a part for my birthday and all the well wishes!! thankkkk uuuuuu

i'm terribly terribly upset. it's not working out.... i feel suffocated. i dun get respect for my privacy, for things i want to do, what i wear, who i want to hang out with and the list goes on. I know this shouldn't go on, someone has to do something about it.

it all boils back down to the same old stuff. i hate this place call.....

it's been a very long day. and i came home with blisters. at least 3 big ones. i even had to wear socks at home cos when my blistered foot touched the floor, it's very very painful.

one saddening interview.... and though i was exposed to this side of the world but it was a very very disappointing one. i think i was more disappointed with myself more than anything.

well.. the happy thing is i get to eat chix ballotine from Miss Clarity. and i get to meet my all time fav girl.

den tuition.....

den back home... with the v v v v sore legs.. wonder how i m gg to manage with heels tmr

It's time to sit down, collect my thoughts properly and then plan and decide what's the next step I should take. There are things to be done, people to be met. Time for the list to be put to use again. I have a rough direction now but certain things still can't be rushed. That I know...

Now that my dearest friend is back... the more i should organise and collect my thoughts properly. I want to accomplish and complete some tasks or take on new ones, I wouldn't mind that too. Anyway... I know this is pretty old stuff but i cannot seem to be able to find it anywhere. Anyone knows where I can get a cup cover? I have cups and I wanna drink my tea hot, but i don't have cup cover at home, don't know where to get it from either. pls tell me if anyone knows. best if can buy one set, the cup and cover one set.

time to be a regular blogger again!

seriously.... it's not as easy as time goes by. i always thought being in a r/s is only about 2 parties, den gradually, i learnt that it is not but does it have to be this bad? why am i so trapped in between? i wanan be neutral.. yet i wanna have a stand?

i think everything can be solved once i get a job? i really hope so? i feel so sad now.... this is my life? gosh..... i totally lost it.

the insecurity is scaring me. i dun have people to turn to. and this is the first time i really felt this way..... gosh.. i lost all the drive left in me already. never knew it was this hard. =/

i feel cheated..... =/ i really didn't feel it was wishful thinking on my part but wad could have gone so wrong? just start from scratch again. no problem at all

after quite a number of interviews... i'm back to square 1. or maybe not.... cannot really decide if i should take up a job that i never ever thought of doing but yet, i do see the benefits in it. or should i just do something mundane.... =/ here i am. stuck in my own thoughts and cannot really decide.

i keep doing crazzzy things these days... and i need money.... i'm running low on it. HELP!

do you know japanese cucumber is much crunchier than our normal cucumber. i think i can even get hooked to eating it. just peel off the skin, then take to chew. much healthier snack too.

yes.. i know it's been some time since my last entry. i know i'm being missed. but with two friends in shanghai, not being able to access blogger from there.. maybe no one comes here anymore.. except my angellic friend... who knows who she is.

i've been chilling, relaxing, meetin up with my beloved friends, hanging out and spending so much quality time with my bf, eating, drinking, slacking.... what else have i not done.. AH! i haven't start studying for my cfp. which is pretty late considering how early i always start. job search is a tedious process.. i hate interviews. i hate rejecting people.. i hate wearing those not pretty formal wears that i have. but i have to get a job. and my goal is to do so before my birthday. gosh.. i'm gg to be 22 soon.

have been cooking alot these days... we have JAPANESE day... KOREAN day, with the kimchi and all. we have normal 2 dish one soup day. u would think it's healthy and economical to eat in like tt. HEALTHY YES.. economical NO NO NO! salmon are expensive. and dun think kimchi is cheap either. because u always have to buy in bulk... and den put inside the fridge.. not as if my house got food in the first place. i even have to buy my own eggs to make sushi!

i want a job. but i'm hoping my boy get it first. =)

it's always the same scenes that make me cry when watching a show. it's always the same type of people and the actions they do. for instance, a devoted guy who goes all out for the girl he loves, only to be rejected time and again. his love is so pure, so innocent, no hidden agenda, genuine love and yet still gets rejected. and when he has lines like, "All I want is a chance to love you." or "Are you mad at me? Did i do something wrong by wanting to be by your side?" Simply very heart melting to me. I would be like tears streaming and scolding that stupid girl in front of the tv or laptop, why don't want him!!? The other guy no goood. Come on.. wake up to your senses! And the tears just won't stop. On top of that, I noticed English or Chinese movies with such lines, not as much impact as korean and japanese. Somehow, that language conveys more pain than the same lines in English and Chinese.

Another classic type would be telling a child that his/her parent is gone and the child would be innocently saying stuff like, "Is Daddy coming back to read me to sleep?" or "I miss daddy alot. He knows it right? He is always with me right?" errr, no exaggerations here, but i can feel the tears coming. And I noticed this type the dying party must be daddy. Maybe cos i m a girl, a daddy's girl. So i feel more for daddys, mummys not so, sorry to say.

And how can i forget to mention the death of lovers, and this one no gender. I can be weeping my heart out for a guy who lost his gf/wife or a woman who lost her bf/husband. Especially those, die innocently kind. Like just a normal citizen, accidentally involved in some gunshot. Good people die just like that without any prewarning and leaving their loved ones behind. The the standard lines like "Wake up! How can you leave me behind? You promised to take care of me for the rest of my life. How can you leave me!? or "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should have trusted you. Please, open you eyes, look at me? I'm very sorry!" and many many many many more.

if i were prettier, taller and luckier, maybe i can try being an actress. i might be an all natural when it comes to crying scenes. They always say it's all about getting into the mood and thinking of things to trigger that mood. Well, I have mine already. Piece of cake to me.

as i was packing my room after my trip to phuket, i realised once again, how much memories i share with you and it's stashed all over my room. and if i were to take a list and seriously list them down. i'm not even sure i would be able to cover all grounds.

i feel fat. gosh... maybe it's not a feeeling and that i m really fat! but nonetheless, holiday was fun. long awaited, no disappointments. everything is just great. now back in singapore, where sea, sun, sand become a luxury, it's time to sit down, do up a resume properly.. and start sending them all out. mummy made it point clear, she doesn't want to feed me anymore. =( no more tuitions... i'm currently income zero. how am i going to survive mans.

but i'll worry abt that later.... now, it's meet ups, planning stuff and going out!!!