amelia was casually saying my house the lighting for studying is not so ideal and i kinda agree. i know it from long long ago when i tried to study one night, or sometimes even in the afternoon, the lighting is just no good. and when u open up the curtains, the sunlight comes in the wrong way, making it a little irritating to study too.

so anyway, back to the main story. after nic officially off the phone to board the plane last night (we were msging, so i know), i was telling my mum, CASUALLY, i dun really mean anything, that the lights in our house not good for studying. and i was telling her i wanna start studing to have a jing shen ji tuo since nic is in taiwan. those were the exact words i told her. and i sae i need a table lamp cos i recall jie's house got a super bright table lamp. those days while she study with the table lamp while deb and i sleep, i remembered the lamp was really good and bright. so i told her i needed one table lamp. den she asked me wad type.. i dunno much abt table lamps u see, i only remember one advertisment. abt the student writing wrong word due to poor lighting, the 3m table lamp. so i casually told her tt.. and ta-da... it's on my table now already. looks likes everything is predetermined. i gotta work real hard, study real hard for this 135 bucks worth of table lamp.

anyway, my dear nu peng you and to angel too if u are interested. just plan a day or wad... where u can study from morning till night, just tell me which day and i will be available. at least i try to be available. summore now, my weekends are FREE. do consider. the camp is decided by people who attend. i m provider! lol.

this morning, out of habit, i reached over to pick up my phone, thinking i will see one new message, as usualy. when i saw none, realisation hit me. my baby is in taiwan. who's giving me morning msges? anyway, out of tiredness, laziness and wanna nua more, i put the phone beside me and almost fell back to sleep when a msg came in. it's from him. from taiwan. and tt's all the boost i need to wake up to study. =)

i sent the emperor off tonight. didn't send him off to the airport but instead, we bid farewell in the dad's car when the dad drove me home before sending him to the airport. our last hug, our last kiss... seriously, all the talk before tonight seemed like air and just by looking into his eyes, i know he will miss me in taiwan and look forward to the day of return.. while me, on the other hand will study hard and wait for his return and hopefully the list of things i got him to buy.

so yes, counting down to his return and studying hard is the only thing i will think of and do. God, grant me the determination as well as nic's safety. please ensure he's well and fine while i put my determination to a test here.

i m smile and look forward.

i feel as if i can run a studying camp. foc of course, with lodging and food provided. home cooked food summore. and on top of that, clothes can be provided if u want too. all u have to do is carry all your heavy books over and make an appointment with the owner of the camp. lol... owner of house i meant.

i need to do serious mugging for one full month. soooooon. asap

i'm officially counting down to the boy's departure. tough life of a officer. 20 something days in taiwan. hope he really enjoys himself during his r and r days and i hope tawian having sales and nice fashion season. cos i really hope he will buy some pretty dresses or tops for me. too bad he can't bring xxl chicken back.. cos wad i really want is taiwan's yummy snacks and food.

shucks.. i forgot. i need to freaking go on a diet!! i put on some kilos!!!! OMG!!! yucks!!!! i hate my fat body now.. i wish i was some bullemia kid. seriously.. i wun mind that. =( i feel fat.... and sad. this is so depressing.

it's time to hit the books real soon. somehow i scared studying too early will make me forget alot of stuff. by the time i need it.

and wow!! ladyironchef has his own domain and link. coolness..... seriously.... i love the blog. good to check out where are the nice places to dine in. =)

happy birthday to my emperor!! despite the tedious task u just gave me, i still love you. haha

ta-da! for those who know that i am baking brownies for my boy for his birthday. seriously, i think it looks rather hideous. but the taste i think quite ok. i mean how bad can it taste if i use mixture bought ready.

pre-celebrated the boy's 21st birthday. brought him to esplanade harry's steakhouse. actually wanted to bring him to harry's bar after tt, but i think they having some functions. looks like a private one, so i brought him to max brenna opposite instead. i think he loves it. no pictures taken though. wasn't in the mood to take any pictures.

hmmm.... next sat.. 12 april. one day before the baby needs to go taiwan.. amelia, hanabi?? or anyone interested?? it's a meet nic before he goes off.. and also a post bdae celebration.

i've had my too good a share worth of yummy food this month and i m paying dearly for it. my bank account is depleting, and my students' mum still owe me mummy. not to mention, i got two doctors appointment, all i have to pay myself. please... remind me, next month just eat at hawker centre, food court, food centre or coffee shop.

den again, i realise it's not entirely my fault. baby has to account for it as well. which explains why i think his account is delepting too and these days, the naggings of how i love to eat his money. darn it. still, when i brought him to nice cheap places, tt requires a little q-ing up... he will say forget it, let's go elsewhere and elsewhere means the central with riverside view.

grrrr... i m soooo not feeling happy

i got attacked by a crow literally on friday, along bedok reservoir road. i was about to take out my mp3, planning to walk all the way to kembangan and suddenly, this crow swooped down from behind and sneak attack me on my head. i gave out a short yelp and quickly walk away, trying to act cool, cos i think there are people who witness it. but even when i do so, i keep turning my way behind, cos the crow was on top of this signboard, still staring at me. i was freaked out! like seriously, i wanted to cry already. and every few steps i walk, tho i m getting further from the crow, i keep turning back until i cannot take it, i simply cross the road and take a cab home, without kembangan meesua.

i know i m slow but it's only yesterday that i felt this bump on my head and when i put pressure on it, it's pain. not very pain, but pain. now, with my paranoid self, i have decided to wear a cap everytime i go out. the sound of crows still frightens me, i hate outdoors!

on a lighter note, finally go to katong. have been wanting to go there for a meal and finally brought the boy to stonegrill dining. amelia, do u noe they revamp? now, they got upstairs and downstairs. dunno issit only vip guests can go up.. i dun think so. overall, i still like it. price still quite ok wad! and amelia, when u free.. let's go jap buffet. date me soon please. or anyone who's interested.

i'm losing it, seriously. i can feel the nerves in my head snapping one by one, literally draining me away of all the energy i have left in me. luckily, i dun have to go out and put up a face for people.

it's so tough, so tough, so tough. so tough i wanna give up.

suddenly, i feel so raw, so tender, so fragile and vulnerable. cos after 2 yrs, i realised how true my love is for u yet it's not reciprocated.

if u leave, who can i blame and cry my eyes out to, but myself

chocolate thunder from down under! it's the highlight of last night's meal. i love it!! it's simply delicious beyond delicious!!

went to outbacks for the second time and i'm really lovin the place. i would say it's a little pricey, cos our total bill was 106 plus... luckily, i used the uob card, and dunno why, this lovely sweet, delicious dessert came free. (the waitress explained, but i didnt catch it) oh well, it's free and yummy! a total of 80 over bucks i spent. well spent, i would say, cos it's nice time spent with nice food!

a beautiful day. woke up 730 to start studying, cos the second half of the day is spent with chin. but still, i only manage half a chapter. stupid beta one beta 2, regression shit, msd(e), sians. anyway, after chin came, we went cycling! a full two hours, cycle through pasir ris park, got bored, cycle out of pasir ris through the park connector, cross a oveerhead bridge, reached tampines and den back. woah, darn tiring... i can feel the ache when i wake up tmr already. and silly chin, still hasn't got the tan she wants, despite standing under the sun for quite some time.

Omelette patty with gravy



Steam fish

Ta-da. My simple dinner that i cooked myself. One good thing about staying home the whole day without the interruption of going out to teach tuition is that i get to cook dinner myself. Though it's only 2 dishes, cos i want variety, it's alot! I almost couldn't finish. had to gorge myself a little. maybe i should just stick to one dish in the future, and dump all varieties into one dish. haha... anyway, i love that monkey spoon with the burnt part. it's so clearly taken! haha...

so anyway, have been mugging for 3 days, though i took mini breaks here and there but it's a good start. i shall keep up to it. keep wanting to wake up at 830 in the morning to study but everyday i kept snoozing and ultimately off my hp alarm. but with each passing day, i'm improving, now i m only one hr away from 830. sooner or later, i will wake up at 830!

suddenly, i miss my baby. i feel that things seemed pretty 'surface' these days. what do the signs imply i dun wanna think. i'll just take a step at a time.

please dun make me sad and break my fragile heart.

went to kino recently and bought a total of 90 bucks worth of books and mind you, tt's only after we got 10 percent discount. but woah, i feel good. once in a long long while buy comics and storybook. but actually half tt amount is spent by emperor. he bought this spiderman comics for like 40 odd bucks.

had a full dosage of tsubasa yesterday before i went to sleep. 3 books on shot. tsubasa is getting more and more complicated. seriously, when the whole series end, i'm gg to find a time read everything from the start but the plot is so twisting, so sad, so..... hmmm, dunno how to describe. it can be quite confusing and complicating. need time to digest.

i was looking for comics tt day when i realise chuangyi is coming out with lesser nice comics. either tt, they are getting the not so nice ones to publish, i see taiwan version ones got nice ones wad but chuangyi never publish those. and chuangyi is publishing those short stories, end with 3 or 5 books tt kind. hmm, it's hard to find nice comics nowadays man. and waiting longingly for nice comics such as tsubasa, ouran high school, nana is so irritating.

started my mugging days, count down to may, count down to emperor's 21st bdae amd countdown to his taiwan training. time flies...

jie, i was thinking of old days and i remembered how much i enjoyed times with u and deb. those were the really really good old days that i will recall and tell my grandchildren these stories.

i remember we will buy cold storage whole chicken, either black pepper or honey. i noe i like the black pepper one. we will eat the chicken in the back of the bus, 3 of us sitting side by side, u peel the chicken for me and deb. deb will eat her juicy thighs and we will eat our favourite dry breast meat. den halfway back to ur house, i will be thirsty and insist i wanna drink water. den we will alight at some petrol kiosk to buy water to drink. haha

then i also remember we like to buy one large packet of fries to go, den on the way back to ur house, we wanted to eat but we also wan sauce, then u will like squeeze toothpaste onto the fries, squeeze chilli or tomato sauce onto the fries and feed me and deb. i think if i nv remember wrongly, i never had to use my hands at all. such sweetness i miss... days with u guys around, i really dun care if got bf or not. cos it feels good.

but of course those are good days only, i remember how u guys like to sleep when we have our night feast! only know how to make me cry only. i so excited about night feast, den u guys keep sleeping... haha.. now to think back, it's so silly for me to cry. but i miss our night feast, the initial days of night feast only. how we smuggled small amount of food. 30 cents twisties, 20 cents mummy monster noodle snack, pocky, hei bai pei. it was exciting then. how we had to hide from your mum, eat in the room after lights out.

remember we had to use deborah's blanket everytime we spill drinks? poor girl, i wonder how she bathe he next day, with coke stain or wadever drink stain she had on it. den i remember we upgrade to cake!! one small cake.. and it's not one slice tt kind. it's the mini one whole cake. how we hide the cake on top of the cupboard!?? hahaha.... ice cream?? tt one cannot hide on top of cupboard, but have to hide in teh freezer, behind many stuff. then there were jellies!! tt one i remember u and deb will fight for wadever coulour u guys fighting for. i like my red jelly best!

yes yes yes, those were the days i miss. now we've all grown up, night snacks make us fat only. and the thrill is gone, no need to hide. but i m more of a supper person now. maybe when u get back, we can go supper together!

My breakfast this morning. the kimchi mummy brought back is delicious! different from the commercialised ones in singapore. really very very nice. if i know is this nice, sure make her bring back more. and my favourite zha jiang mian from korea. though it's instant. should have added some ingredients to the noodles but i was in a rush this morning.

i'm proud of myself! i take joy in preparing my own breakfast daily! =)

and my beloved jie!! i thought u so busy till u forgot about me! so long never hear from you?? wah... u even know how to make your own pasta!!??? i must really learn from you when u come back. must take notes from you. and after that pasta i made, i made a few other dishes too. never blog. really must let u try when u come back.

some people pointed out before, life is like a drama, a play, a stage where everyone has their own roles. and today, i reflected upon this line.

it's like we all have our own roles to act out to play, though there might be multiple roles per person but when it comes to interactions between the different actors in your life, there are just some limits how hard you can try to perfect this life of yours. you can play ur life to the fullest, doing or playing each role very well but when u it comes to having other roles interacting with you, u cannot control how well they play their role, how serious they play their role. you cannot even talk about perfection because ur perfection might not be others.

like for me, to be a student, i attend classes, i study. even when i m lazy, i know it's not my limits yet and i can push myself further. another role, teaching. i try my best to impart whatever i know. i try to make them understand. but whether they do well or not is entirely not up to me. it's like even how perfect u play your role, u cannot control how others play theirs. so when my students dun do well, i reflect, like whether was it me, i didn't do enough or was it them? did they play their part as a student well.

like when i'm attached now, my role as a gf is blah blah blah. but i cannot control how my bf is like, or how he treats me. like maybe in my perfect r/s, my bf should be like this, like tt. but to him, he might already feel tt he did his best, it's just not perfect in my drama, my play, my life. so this is where my reflection comes in. i got to learn how to perfect my life, in areas where i can do it and learn how to appreciate other people's efforts in my life. and even if these are not perfect to me, i need to see the effort put in by others. i cannot always want a life tt i want. i m no longer playing barbie where i control barbies' life. or even sims, where i control their life.

it takes 2 hands to clap, takes 2 hands to hold. takes 2 hands to give u warmth. i just wanna play my part well and whatever happens in the future, it's not up to me. i'll pray and leave it to the hands of God.

anyway, mum's back. i'm so excited. i have lots and lots of korean instant noodles. looks like my mugging days will not be hungry though i really need to go on a diet. mum and baby say i am fat!! anyone noes how to go on a more efficient diet!????? i need to buy running shoes soon soon soon!!!

angel, i'm really really proud of myself. fine, i know no biggie, but i can make my own variations of tomato sauce for the pasta. no cream sauce of course, due to the fact that i cannot handle cheese. gives me the urrgg reaction. but ya, finally, no more bottled sauce for my pasta. now to make my sauce better and smoother, i just need a food processer! blender...

i'm totally into cooking nowadays, although i know it's totally at the wrong time. anyway, i made CHINESE yellow noodles with tomatoes and chicken yesterday (tomatoes are my new fav ingredient too) and my baby totally mistook it as PASTA?? like hello?? how can chinese egg noodle, yellow in colour be mistaken for pasta??? and he even ate it.. and continue thinking it's pasta until today i realised his mistake!!

on a heavier note, i know some things are for life and so are some memories. but when people take things for granted, i can't help but feel that maybe, to say 'lifetime' is actually me trying to kid myself. somethings are just not meant to be? then again, i should concentrate on how to be happier, how to make myself happy, how to whip up more dishes and how to study harder. with the last item highly prioritised on my list.

good nights. next week would be good. i will make it good

I AM ALIVE!

and feeling refreshed. to start all the mugging to come

i've been having scary dreams lately. two nights ago, i dreamt that my eyes bled, due to my contacts. i still remember how red it looks, and blood dripping down from my eyes. scary. then just last night, i dreamt that i was given the death sentence. i still remember crying really bitterly, thinking and whining i still got alot of things i wanna accomplish. i cannot die just like tt. i still remember the date of the death sentence 210208. it's very freaky.

it's this thurs right. if anything happens to me on tt day, at least people who reads my blog knows that i had omen!