over the weekend, people kept asking us, "how's everything? now nic move house?" and nic will say he fee that hougang is like another country to him and everything needs to be adapted. he cannot get used to hougang. and i will say, yea, i feel like i am having a long distance relationship with him. haha!

indeed, this week has been a little difficult for us. in terms of adjustment and adapting. but like everyone will say absence makes the heart fonder. and it really did. we were inseparable this weekend. haha.

alot of things happened this weekend. i am both thankful and fearful. i am thankful for my blessings. and fearful of the unknown future.

i know i want it simple.

i don't like to take injections. it is not the fear of needles, but rather, it is the aching feeling you have in your arms afterwards. u feel a ache and you don;t dare to knock it for fear it might be painful. it is not, but the feeling is there. and u cannot raise ur arms up too high because that is achy too! gosh....

i ve been eating like a pig recently, especially during the afternoon times. but then i don't ve the appetite for dinner after that. doesn't sound healthy. like today, i had a bowl of fish noodles soup which i didn't even finish then a cup of mixed fruits. after which, my colleague bought me a cupcake from twelve cupcakes. then i was so freaking cold in the office that i went down to buy a hot soya milk and got tempted by a stick of fishballs. and these are all consumed in 5 hours! help me, i feel the fats building around my tummy already.

the afternoons are always the hardest to wait out. but i am glad my mornings and evenings are packed. work harder, girl!

i was watching the 9pm show and there was this part about love. it actually brought tears to my eyes. i just always want to remind myself these verses:

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres "

Love is really something so intangible yet it is one of the most powerful tool. A husband can say to the wife, i love you so much that i want to make sure you are well and taken care of even when i am not around. A mother can say to a child i love you so much that no matter how many wrongs you do, or how badly you treat me, i will always forgive you and my arms are always open to receive you. How difficult it is to give unconditional love. in this society, everyone wants something back in return. they want to be appreciated. they want to be loved first before they are willing to love freely. so many conditions.

A 21 years old in the morning and a 71 years old in the evening. What a vast contrast. The role i had to play talking to both, the things i said to both person is so so far apart. other than the fact that my saturdays feel so different not being able to spend with the boy, i had a fun time meeting new people. it reminds me what i love about my job in the first place. talking to people from all walks of life, listening, giving advice. making a difference.

it feels a little sad that i am not able to get anyone at short notice. even if it's just for lunch. =/

the 5 F's in my life, which i feel like i am failing in. failing in every aspect because i am not giving it my all in those aspects. you reap what you sow, i guess i deserve it. if life is like rock climbing, i guess i am not that far away from ground yet because the rule of rock climbing is that u let go of whatever you are stepping on, to reach for a higher place. and only by doing that, we can move upwards. i refuse to let go of my current standing because it gets me uncomfortable to leave my footing. but when i don't do that, i cannot move upwards or forward.

will i really be happier if we start living together? is that what i want? what is my biggest fears? will they keep coming back to haunt me?

maybe the new strategy to it all is to numb myself and immerse. give it my best shot so that i can feel that at least i excel in 1 of the F's in my life.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (1 Peter 5:10)

Looking back at pictures, thinking back of conversations and looking at facebook updates, i remember the promises we share, the words we exchanged. i've learnt a long time ago that i cannot trust people. i cannot trust their words or anything at all. i need to rely on myself. but why do i still feel so upset each time i reflect back the happenings in my life.

i'm planning a trip in January with the boy but we are not too sure where we wanna go. I suggested hongkong, since we never been there before. he said no cos it's like another singapore which he doesn't want. Then he suggested japan and i said, too expensive! haha, then we thought of nice beach places and all he can think of is diving!

it has been a relatively great weekend. we went to check out some wedding stuff and we thought of doing the solemnisation on a weekday. was wondering how many people would or are willing to take the time off or take leave to come to our solemnising ceremony. hmmmm.....

i conclude. no one in this world can lead a double life, can have two partners at the same time. not even the smartest, craftiest person who can lie through their teeth. it is simply too tiring. to keep up to the lies. to run around sneaking in the dark. it could be thrilling at first, but to keep up with it along the course of month, don't even talk about years, i think it is too tiring and painful.

happiness is being open, clear conscience and leading a meaningful life. not a two faced life.

"家，不是讲理的地方，是讲爱的地方"

i echo this very strongly. I need to love to be happy at where i am.

Happy 25th Birthday my love! and yes, he loves his beer.

it was a naughty weekend for us. before you think any further, we skipped church to go out and walk. just the both of us. it was a hectic week for both of us. he being all strung up on his upcoming exams, thinking about nothing but figures and all figures. sound very stressful to me. so we decided to take the time off to walk around and have a nice lovely evening spent eating italian food.

i m glad he enjoyed his birthday and his gift. =) i have a few cravings now... i wanan go eat HIMAWARI!!!!! and pasta de fresca... and and big fish!!!!

hope April will be a good month with good foood and happy times

pretty girl. pretty voice. pretty song

I read somewhere today:

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like the company is cutting back the payroll and you don't know if you may be next, and dinner as if you had just lost your job.

Interesting.

And I am home alone... again! Mum went Chiangmai 2 days after dad went Bangkok. Dad would be back on tues or wed then there will be someone at home at least. wish i had a sister, it would be nice to have someone around without parents cos mummy almost drained me each and everytime we go into a long conversation.

It has been one roller coaster ride for me since Friday. Everything doesn't seem right since then. Nothing anyone says make sense, nothing i do is right, nothing i do makes me feel right again. it is call spiraling. i need to get out of this before it hurts someone. someone told me i am escaping. running away from doing the things i need to do instead of solving the problem.

time to find a new hobby... like gym!! i will definitely sign up for a gym soon. i need to face it head on.

Dear God, give me the strength i need.

suddenly, i crave solitude more than anything. i wanna be invisible.

how pretentious this world is. i totally subscribe to the theory that behind everyone's face they show to public, there is a hidden secret. not so much of a secret secret. but a hidden frustration, a hidden side that they don't want other to know. it could be due to things they are ashamed of and it could also be things that they don't wanna explain, don't wanna be judged or criticized.

all pented up. one day it will burst. there is simply that much we can handle.

i received my first sealed with a crest envelope today.



My friend's wedding! My first friend's wedding!! haha.. i would love to show everyone wad is inside but because she has not distribute her cards yet so i have to be discreet! anyway, i realised now my cards already all say 'leona and nicholas', next time will be it mr and mrs tan. no more leona?? haha



I realised laziness is really my biggest downfall! i decided to really seriously, properly do research and properly start packing my room and do planning.

this weekend has been hectic. we were going for gatherings, helping out and simply just out alot and slept very little. don't get me wrong, we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly, just that if every weekend is like that, we will be super pre-occupied with everyone's matters other than our own stuff. and after a long day still must come back and listen to my mother blab and blab and blab. haik....

Psalm 46:1-3

1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging

Psalm 46:10

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth

This helps in situations like this. =) I can smile again despite the mess i am in

life had been pretty hectic for me lately. I'm usually tired and lazy at the end of the day. I have tons of work to do when i reach home, one thick book to read and videos to make. But i'm tired each time i come home that i simply don't feel like doing anything.

when is daylight coming to me? i am in 24/7 nightfall.

wedding planning is not as fun as i thought it will be. haha! so many choices. can i have like 10 weddings with 10 different places and themes. but i only want one husband. please let me fix the date first!!

i want a wedding like that in singapore! don't tell me i can only get it if i go overseas

and it's the new spring menu at Sushi tei! Finally!!



Something new that the boy tried:


and the real thing looks similar to the picture. i really that that baby sardine thing taste like our silver fish.


And we tried this! it's really huge. now i know they never cheat in dragon roll!


haha! all the sushi tei language coming out. haha.. seriously , i thought i was sick of sushi tei already. but apparently, i still love it. not to the extend one week eat 2,3 times. but i will definitely go back soon.

i'm getting really excited about how things are going to turn out. I need all the prayers!

i just came back from Batam from my team's monthly meeting. we have been wanting to go overseas for a meeting the longest time. like change the environment and at the same time a retreat and team bonding. as long as i remember, we have been talking about it for 2 years and never once did it. but now finally, we did it!! haha


Batam- the land of Ayam Penyet!


the view from our balcony


了了 and my pedicure. pretty!!


the clear blue sea!


the game that entertained us till 2am plus batam time, which is 3am in singapore time. Topple is the game


giant mug root beer! only @ a & w


=)