this is my last post before the year ends, everything has ended on a pretty good note for me. give and take. give and u will receive. i'm determined not to let anything get me down t spoil the end of my 2008.
may 2009 brings me happiness, bliss and joy! may all my resolutions be completed too!
though i am home counting down due to the boy having duty tmr, i'm contented. really.
Happy new year!!!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Carlsberg, it doesn't get any better.
i'm totally into twilight after i watched the movie. i m hooked. so getting dvds, waiting for the next sequel to it, plus reading the books. i m hooked. even more so when i realised how the author came about writing the book, it's inspiring. yea, have i mention.. i am hooked.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
one of my interest, or hobby is to collect different types of monopoly. the first monopoly i had, the very original with Mayfair as the most expensive property and Old Kent Road as the cheapest property, is given to me as a gift by my mum many many x'mas over. that was when my mum still bother to give me x'mas gifts and without thinking, i asked for monopoly. but with this first monopoly, it's always my mum and i playing it and sometimes, i have to beg her to play with me, cos she would be very tired after work and i recalled, most of the time she won. once, in record time less than 15 mins. when i was young, i would be sulky that she won and when i must declare bankrupt, i just keep saying i owe her i owe her just so that the night continues and tt we can play longer and maybe cause i kept thinking i will win it back.
so yea, my first monopoly. then somewhere maybe 1 or 2 xmases later, i saw they have monopoly in the singapore edition. naturally, i asked for tt as my next xmas gift. i love that too.. feels happy tt my collection is increasing and all. i would choose different versions alternately to play with my mum. i remember in order to make it difficult for two players, cos those who play would know it's pretty easy for 2 players to win, lesser competition you see, i came up with all sort of rules. now, come to think of it, i cannot remember if i m the one who came up with it or i was taught those rules.
you see, i used to go to my cousin's place every sunday and cos this playmate was so precious to me, we try to play all sorts of games, from dig dug, pacman to singing competition where the results were always the same, hopscotch in the kitchen, but so monopoly is a game we can play once in a while, so i remember when i play monopoly then, there were rules such as first round no buying of property, nothing, u can only walk around the board the first time. or when u throw double and reach a space, u cannot do anything but throw again and things like, money as fines or taxes all go the free parking and the one who reach there takes it all, can build houses even when u dun have complete set and even when u have complete set, build one shot at one of the property.
now, as a monopoly fan grown old. let me correct it. no such thing as first round, can just buy. and when throw double, move to the space, can do wadever the space allows u to do then throw again and ar, houses must be built equally, if start with one, all the properties of tt colour must have one. in other words, build evenly.
so naturally, when my cousin's house has play station with monopoly disc, i was fascinated, love it. but i think she got bored of it.. and we ve to play other games instead. but my love never die there. when i first realise monopoly went beyong monopoly, and there are concept games such as choco-poly or animal-poly. though not the original Parker Brothers, it caught my attention and on my 20th Birthday, i got chocopoly AND photo-poly, which sorry girls, haven't got to do it yet.
just an intro, photopoly needs u to fill in the pictures, like a DIY thingy.
so now, with my latest edition, the BibleOpoly. i'm really a fan ain't i? i can memerise all the rent, price, rent with one house, 2, 3, 4 even with a hotel. i know exactly where the token moves just by thorwing dice. i played that often you see. but monopoly always reminds me how lonely i was as a child. i remember when i was bored on a Saturday afternoon, when my mum is at work, i would play by myself... acting as 2 players, moving and deciding for both. if not, i would call my cousin, and ask her to choose token.. throw dice for her.. ask her decide and all.... this is the "perk" of being only child. when people tell me only child is good, i just think to myself, if only u went through it urself.
now as i grow older and monopoly became a collecting thing, feels slightly better. some people might not understand why i like it so much, but it means something to me. being part of my childhood and all. monopoly now also come up with more and more different variations.. one day, i might be a collector of all, even limited edition, if i have the money. but yea... it's a part of my childhood.
so yea, my first monopoly. then somewhere maybe 1 or 2 xmases later, i saw they have monopoly in the singapore edition. naturally, i asked for tt as my next xmas gift. i love that too.. feels happy tt my collection is increasing and all. i would choose different versions alternately to play with my mum. i remember in order to make it difficult for two players, cos those who play would know it's pretty easy for 2 players to win, lesser competition you see, i came up with all sort of rules. now, come to think of it, i cannot remember if i m the one who came up with it or i was taught those rules.
you see, i used to go to my cousin's place every sunday and cos this playmate was so precious to me, we try to play all sorts of games, from dig dug, pacman to singing competition where the results were always the same, hopscotch in the kitchen, but so monopoly is a game we can play once in a while, so i remember when i play monopoly then, there were rules such as first round no buying of property, nothing, u can only walk around the board the first time. or when u throw double and reach a space, u cannot do anything but throw again and things like, money as fines or taxes all go the free parking and the one who reach there takes it all, can build houses even when u dun have complete set and even when u have complete set, build one shot at one of the property.
now, as a monopoly fan grown old. let me correct it. no such thing as first round, can just buy. and when throw double, move to the space, can do wadever the space allows u to do then throw again and ar, houses must be built equally, if start with one, all the properties of tt colour must have one. in other words, build evenly.
so naturally, when my cousin's house has play station with monopoly disc, i was fascinated, love it. but i think she got bored of it.. and we ve to play other games instead. but my love never die there. when i first realise monopoly went beyong monopoly, and there are concept games such as choco-poly or animal-poly. though not the original Parker Brothers, it caught my attention and on my 20th Birthday, i got chocopoly AND photo-poly, which sorry girls, haven't got to do it yet.
just an intro, photopoly needs u to fill in the pictures, like a DIY thingy.
so now, with my latest edition, the BibleOpoly. i'm really a fan ain't i? i can memerise all the rent, price, rent with one house, 2, 3, 4 even with a hotel. i know exactly where the token moves just by thorwing dice. i played that often you see. but monopoly always reminds me how lonely i was as a child. i remember when i was bored on a Saturday afternoon, when my mum is at work, i would play by myself... acting as 2 players, moving and deciding for both. if not, i would call my cousin, and ask her to choose token.. throw dice for her.. ask her decide and all.... this is the "perk" of being only child. when people tell me only child is good, i just think to myself, if only u went through it urself.
now as i grow older and monopoly became a collecting thing, feels slightly better. some people might not understand why i like it so much, but it means something to me. being part of my childhood and all. monopoly now also come up with more and more different variations.. one day, i might be a collector of all, even limited edition, if i have the money. but yea... it's a part of my childhood.
Friday, December 19, 2008
a simple home cooked meal but it's a delicacy and time well spent already. emperor chicken, stir fry brocoli and a mug of root beer. =) i'm that easily contented at times.
had a lovely xmas gift today. BibleOpoly... very nice.. very funnily fun! had a good time.
only, i lost to the boy.... his little church at Jerusalem. his winning point!
had a lovely xmas gift today. BibleOpoly... very nice.. very funnily fun! had a good time.
only, i lost to the boy.... his little church at Jerusalem. his winning point!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
i have been regularly blogging in the blog for amelia that i neglected my own blog. she went India and i promised her i will update her daily about my life. don't envy her, we have a long history since way back in primary school. i remember during those times if i go holiday, we will each keep a exericse book and write down out tots daily, things we wanna tell each other, in case we forget, den when i come back, we will exchange the exercise book. wonder where are all those exercise book. will love to find them back to read mans.
so ya, sorry people, i know there are people who keeps coming to check if there's a new entry so hey there.. this is a new entry. remember dun give up on my blog. it will never close down or be abandoned. i'm simply a person who has too much tots and i have to "pen" them down. have been busy busking in the festive season. shopping, gift wrapping. i currently already got like 7 presents to be wrapped. but mainly is wrap for other pple. not my own gifts. long story why i have to help chin do her wrapping. oops, did i mention chin? well...
anyway, life's really great at this moment. everything seemed so nice and happy, esp with xmas coming. i hope i can keep the happy feeling there.. the last few months have been quite a nightmare, i personally feel. and i have no wish for history to repeat itself. it's time i learn how to keep the happiness and let go of the unhappiness.
everyone has been very nice to me lately too... issit the festive season getting into everyone or issit they are like tt all the while, and only now i learn how to appreciate and see? well... since i m in such good moood. can ask me out. i'm good company when i'm like tt. =)
so ya, sorry people, i know there are people who keeps coming to check if there's a new entry so hey there.. this is a new entry. remember dun give up on my blog. it will never close down or be abandoned. i'm simply a person who has too much tots and i have to "pen" them down. have been busy busking in the festive season. shopping, gift wrapping. i currently already got like 7 presents to be wrapped. but mainly is wrap for other pple. not my own gifts. long story why i have to help chin do her wrapping. oops, did i mention chin? well...
anyway, life's really great at this moment. everything seemed so nice and happy, esp with xmas coming. i hope i can keep the happy feeling there.. the last few months have been quite a nightmare, i personally feel. and i have no wish for history to repeat itself. it's time i learn how to keep the happiness and let go of the unhappiness.
everyone has been very nice to me lately too... issit the festive season getting into everyone or issit they are like tt all the while, and only now i learn how to appreciate and see? well... since i m in such good moood. can ask me out. i'm good company when i'm like tt. =)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
when you get really really angry with your loved ones, there's always a remedy that you can use to make your boiling point go all the way down.
just ask yourself, can u bear the tot of that person not in your life anymore. if not, bear with this cos ur love for that person is way too much to stay angry and let bitterness eat into you.
just ask yourself, can u bear the tot of that person not in your life anymore. if not, bear with this cos ur love for that person is way too much to stay angry and let bitterness eat into you.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
I used to detest xmas. the heartache, the lies, the pretense, the nights spent crying and the festive lights mocking at me. but ever since i got the bear from u that xmas n years ago, i begin to feel festive lights can be quite pretty at times too.
now, i look forward to xmas. i like the warm feeling, the feasting mood, the sharing season, the buying of gifts and seeing happy faces all around. have i changed? no.... i'm still the less than optimistic me but i have you. making u happy is all that matters, especially on such a festive season.
i love to believe there's santa, carrying boxes of gifts. i like having presents under the tree, it makes the tree pretty. of course we can't place cash or vouchers under the tree. sorry, i m idealistic. but since i used to detest xmas.. now can't i paint a beautiful picture of it and dream about my lovely christmas?
dear friends and family, join me in the festive mood. dun attempt to ruin it for me.... when i get mad... i get mad.
now, i look forward to xmas. i like the warm feeling, the feasting mood, the sharing season, the buying of gifts and seeing happy faces all around. have i changed? no.... i'm still the less than optimistic me but i have you. making u happy is all that matters, especially on such a festive season.
i love to believe there's santa, carrying boxes of gifts. i like having presents under the tree, it makes the tree pretty. of course we can't place cash or vouchers under the tree. sorry, i m idealistic. but since i used to detest xmas.. now can't i paint a beautiful picture of it and dream about my lovely christmas?
dear friends and family, join me in the festive mood. dun attempt to ruin it for me.... when i get mad... i get mad.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
When we are born, our parents had just gave us the first great gift, and that us our life. They had a choice, whether to want us or not. Our mums had a choice too, whether she wanted to hold us in her womb for 9 months and go through labour pains to bring us to earth. To me, that is the first great gift that our parents gave us.
The second great gift our parents give us is our name. When they decided to give us life, they also decided they want to love us and give us all the best things in the world. And that's why they gave us the best name that they can think of, nothing but the best. It may not be perfect, but when they put that name down on our birth certificate, they really think it's the best. The second great gift they gave us.
Throughout our life since birth, our parents keep giving us what they think it's the best, be it gifts, their teachings, their love, care and concern. If i were to count every single gift they gave us, i would have lost count a long time ago. So when they try to perfect our lives since young, can we blame them if they start worrying or getting over protective when they notice that we are not walking that perfect road they plan for us? Their love for us is so strong that it overcomes everything else. Like forgetting they are getting nagggy, or forgetting the real objective of their love. They might try to force us on some issues because they know they have the authority to.
But everything they do, is because they love us so much. They were the ones who gave us the first two greatest things in our lives, of course they want to keep things perfect.
One more great gift that our parents could give us are siblings. Which i never geto to enjoy this gift myself. I feel it's a regret in my life. though it's a regret that i got no control over. but it's definitely a regret i myself have no wish to repeat. so i would definitely have more than one kid in the future.
i keep having lotsa thoughts running in my head, waiting for a chance to write them down and share with people. this parents thing is just one of it.
The second great gift our parents give us is our name. When they decided to give us life, they also decided they want to love us and give us all the best things in the world. And that's why they gave us the best name that they can think of, nothing but the best. It may not be perfect, but when they put that name down on our birth certificate, they really think it's the best. The second great gift they gave us.
Throughout our life since birth, our parents keep giving us what they think it's the best, be it gifts, their teachings, their love, care and concern. If i were to count every single gift they gave us, i would have lost count a long time ago. So when they try to perfect our lives since young, can we blame them if they start worrying or getting over protective when they notice that we are not walking that perfect road they plan for us? Their love for us is so strong that it overcomes everything else. Like forgetting they are getting nagggy, or forgetting the real objective of their love. They might try to force us on some issues because they know they have the authority to.
But everything they do, is because they love us so much. They were the ones who gave us the first two greatest things in our lives, of course they want to keep things perfect.
One more great gift that our parents could give us are siblings. Which i never geto to enjoy this gift myself. I feel it's a regret in my life. though it's a regret that i got no control over. but it's definitely a regret i myself have no wish to repeat. so i would definitely have more than one kid in the future.
i keep having lotsa thoughts running in my head, waiting for a chance to write them down and share with people. this parents thing is just one of it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
i learnt something important today. how to keep my cool and reason with myself. either that, or i try reasoning myself verbally if i really have to scream and shout it off. because somethings, really make u so mad that 4 letter words just keep coming out!!!! grr, here i go again.
some movies never fail to make me cry. touched my heart. i shall not mention wad movies cos if i do... people might just huh? u will cry over such movie. hello.. i m someone who can cry over commercials, i'm that emotional.
looking forward to next weekend already. why are weekends always so short??!!!! apparently, i feel i m the only one who thinks so.
feeling v distorted now, my thoughts. shall straighten up tmr after a good sleep.
some movies never fail to make me cry. touched my heart. i shall not mention wad movies cos if i do... people might just huh? u will cry over such movie. hello.. i m someone who can cry over commercials, i'm that emotional.
looking forward to next weekend already. why are weekends always so short??!!!! apparently, i feel i m the only one who thinks so.
feeling v distorted now, my thoughts. shall straighten up tmr after a good sleep.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
hmmmm hmmmm, i have a whole list of things to do and i'm sure this list is long. well, i've got the important, requires time and most importantly, the no brainers things done. and i'm proud of myself. just that, when am i going to do some work that required my brain which i am sure is rusty by now.
there are hw to be done, studies left untouched and i really wan to pick it up sooon. but.... i need more than talk. i need some action. which i clearly am lacking right now. the's the month of nov... cos it's the month before dec. and dec is seen to me as holiday mood.
ok. i know that's an excuse... but darn it. can somewhere put some zest into me!!!!
there are hw to be done, studies left untouched and i really wan to pick it up sooon. but.... i need more than talk. i need some action. which i clearly am lacking right now. the's the month of nov... cos it's the month before dec. and dec is seen to me as holiday mood.
ok. i know that's an excuse... but darn it. can somewhere put some zest into me!!!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
after all this time, you're the only one who can make me feel pretty. yet u are also capable of taking all my breath away at one go.
handphones are such a troublesome thing. at times, u rather just chuck it away but mostly, you can't live with it. what i hate about it is when i text someone, the agony of waiting for the reply is so excruciating that i simply either turn it off or just turn off sound and vibration. this is a trouble i notice that i have ever since 4 years ago.
and since waiting time seemed to drag.. i seriously just wanna chuck it away. so i noe no one could contact me even if they try. rather than knowing clearly no one try to contact me @ all. i just can't stand the pain of the latter.
time to put down my pride and be a happy girl.
handphones are such a troublesome thing. at times, u rather just chuck it away but mostly, you can't live with it. what i hate about it is when i text someone, the agony of waiting for the reply is so excruciating that i simply either turn it off or just turn off sound and vibration. this is a trouble i notice that i have ever since 4 years ago.
and since waiting time seemed to drag.. i seriously just wanna chuck it away. so i noe no one could contact me even if they try. rather than knowing clearly no one try to contact me @ all. i just can't stand the pain of the latter.
time to put down my pride and be a happy girl.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
sometimes, if we were a little more patient, maybe we could have got what we wanted?
this is what i always tell myself when i found out i could have gotten something better than what i went after when i thought i could no longer have the former. and then, i would regret and started thinking, if only i had waited.
a nice sunday spent thus far. church in the morning, brunch at the hawker centre, 3 muffins, den home. marinated the chicken i wanna cook tonight. for myself. but no, i don't feel lonely, maybe this is how someone feel when they can truly understand contentment. but no, i won't lie by saying i'm at that stage already but right now, i am contented.
i know people out there are concerned about me in one way or another and i felt the love and concern during the course of the week that passed. thanks everyone, i'm putting the pieces back tgt slowly, making sense as it goes. but i think it's going to be fine.
right now, i just need to pack my room!!!!
this is what i always tell myself when i found out i could have gotten something better than what i went after when i thought i could no longer have the former. and then, i would regret and started thinking, if only i had waited.
a nice sunday spent thus far. church in the morning, brunch at the hawker centre, 3 muffins, den home. marinated the chicken i wanna cook tonight. for myself. but no, i don't feel lonely, maybe this is how someone feel when they can truly understand contentment. but no, i won't lie by saying i'm at that stage already but right now, i am contented.
i know people out there are concerned about me in one way or another and i felt the love and concern during the course of the week that passed. thanks everyone, i'm putting the pieces back tgt slowly, making sense as it goes. but i think it's going to be fine.
right now, i just need to pack my room!!!!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
it's been more than a week i think. i lost track of the time. i don't want to think nor do i want to worry about what lies ahead. it has nothing to do with making myself happy at this point in time of my life. here i am, struggling, to find my happiness, i don't want to be pulled down, away our out anymore. i wan to work towards it.
bottom line, i don't care anymore.
bottom line, i don't care anymore.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Giving up something after a long while of thinking you already have it or own it is not an easy task. not easy is not even indepth enough to descrbe how tough it is but nonetheless, i chose to do it. as we all know, people who assume always makes an ass out of themselves and how many times in my life have i done that. i thought i was over that phase, but no, i'm still me. i've not changed.
yesterday, i played a game of fate and lost. so wad, i should listen to what fate tells me? or twist the meaning of fate ot suit my liking. i end up deciding that i shouldn't even leave this to the hands of fate in the first place. it's stupid.
someone said once in church. When we pray for something that we want, God don't just give it to us, instead, he'll give us a opportunity to gain it ourselves. God really answers my prayers. whenever i pray for something, he'll always give me a situation to learn and obtain the thing i want. it's amazing cos he always catches me off guard, like when i pray for a chance to be nicer to my mum, the opportunity he gives me happened a few days later that i wasn't prepared for and i always end up not getting the thing i want. but God never stop giving me chances. i'll always afraid of taking things for granted and yet, even when i know it, i still take it for granted, be it subconsiously or wad. will i be forsaken one day? will i not be given any more chances are my constant fears.
i've always lived in a world without lies and deceit from others so why do i always have trust issue. i guess i've always lived in a world where i lie to myself. a world where i created and put in the people i want, and even create the ending. i mean, since when ending can be anticipated. no one can be 100% sure of anything. not even in medical science. there are always miracles. in a world i created myself, things around me are there for a purpose. and don't know since when, i start to feel people are there for a purpose too. but in reality, people come and go, endings cannot be anticipated and people around me are not there for the sole purpose to accompany me and keep me happy. true, friends and family are accompanying us through our road of journey but they too have their own journey to walk. who am i to make them come into my world to fulfill their duties to me only and forsaking their world.
i need to learn to deal with my negative thoughts, like sadness, jealousy and so on. i lie to myself i'm happy that's why i never know how to find real happiness. i need to tell myself i'm not happy and den fully embrace that emotion and finally learning how to overcome it.
so here i m giving up the things i dun even own in the first place. cos the interesting part about life is that u will never know what u will get. though i experienced bitter and sad times, but i've had my fair share of happiness as well. i cannot create a world always full of happiness because by doing so, i've caused others to be upset. and this doesn't make me any happier than before. so when i leave life outside of my hands, it becomes a 50/50 thing. i could gain the most and be truly happy or i could lose people i value but this is my life. and i need to know how to make the right choices. i cannot be manipulative with people so that i get the ending i want. what about ending other people want.
this is really difficult for me cos i never really leave such things outside my control. but i m going to do it, praying for the best to happen.
yesterday, i played a game of fate and lost. so wad, i should listen to what fate tells me? or twist the meaning of fate ot suit my liking. i end up deciding that i shouldn't even leave this to the hands of fate in the first place. it's stupid.
someone said once in church. When we pray for something that we want, God don't just give it to us, instead, he'll give us a opportunity to gain it ourselves. God really answers my prayers. whenever i pray for something, he'll always give me a situation to learn and obtain the thing i want. it's amazing cos he always catches me off guard, like when i pray for a chance to be nicer to my mum, the opportunity he gives me happened a few days later that i wasn't prepared for and i always end up not getting the thing i want. but God never stop giving me chances. i'll always afraid of taking things for granted and yet, even when i know it, i still take it for granted, be it subconsiously or wad. will i be forsaken one day? will i not be given any more chances are my constant fears.
i've always lived in a world without lies and deceit from others so why do i always have trust issue. i guess i've always lived in a world where i lie to myself. a world where i created and put in the people i want, and even create the ending. i mean, since when ending can be anticipated. no one can be 100% sure of anything. not even in medical science. there are always miracles. in a world i created myself, things around me are there for a purpose. and don't know since when, i start to feel people are there for a purpose too. but in reality, people come and go, endings cannot be anticipated and people around me are not there for the sole purpose to accompany me and keep me happy. true, friends and family are accompanying us through our road of journey but they too have their own journey to walk. who am i to make them come into my world to fulfill their duties to me only and forsaking their world.
i need to learn to deal with my negative thoughts, like sadness, jealousy and so on. i lie to myself i'm happy that's why i never know how to find real happiness. i need to tell myself i'm not happy and den fully embrace that emotion and finally learning how to overcome it.
so here i m giving up the things i dun even own in the first place. cos the interesting part about life is that u will never know what u will get. though i experienced bitter and sad times, but i've had my fair share of happiness as well. i cannot create a world always full of happiness because by doing so, i've caused others to be upset. and this doesn't make me any happier than before. so when i leave life outside of my hands, it becomes a 50/50 thing. i could gain the most and be truly happy or i could lose people i value but this is my life. and i need to know how to make the right choices. i cannot be manipulative with people so that i get the ending i want. what about ending other people want.
this is really difficult for me cos i never really leave such things outside my control. but i m going to do it, praying for the best to happen.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
seriously, if one day i end up vanishing, i won't even be surprised i walked to that stage of my life. as if being bitter and all is not enough, i feel like i have so much pent up emotions in me. emotions that i cannot put a name to and each and every day is slowly draining me of energy and strength.
tt's why i always end my night praying for it..
tt's why i always end my night praying for it..
Friday, October 31, 2008
here i am going to sleep, bitter and all, again. i loathe my life. and u never ever fail to make it worse. maybe i would get retribution, but right now, can i get some love and concern for genuine? and not some love and concern that u claim to be good for me. i don't need that.
maybe i should change, i'm so sick of this thing we have every single night.
maybe i should change, i'm so sick of this thing we have every single night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)