Nokia 6120 Classic. My new temporary phone before i get my dream one.

the day started out lovely. cause we wanted to prolong the day by spending more time with each other, we woke up early for the church, first session of Sunday's services. time flies and before we knew it, the 11 days belong only in our memories. it's been fun, sweet and due to the fact that i'm having serious mind block, it's nice x1000000000. can't seem to find a word for it now. then a steamboat to end off the night. =)

Anyway, like i always said, life still goes on and time won't stop for anyone. 2 weeks of school has passed and i'm more or less settled in it. more or less confirmed and decided my modules. and now it's like studying time. time to get my life back to the original track i made. Of course like any other human being, i enjoyed this mini break i had together with my baby, yet finding it hard to face reality. finding it hard to get back on track. after getting used to him not being ard, there's this break and i had him all to myself. and now, i've to get used to it all over again, only this time, it might be tougher than the previous.

this pang of loneliness i feel all over again. and sadness as well. it's not because he's going back to army and all. it's just nice that i had somone to depend on during these 2 weeks of adjusting phase. nice to have someone who waits for me. nice to have someone whom i know will always be there when i need. nice to have someone to give me the warmth, to remind me there's nothing called loneliness in my life. he always claim the one in army is the one who suffers most. but from my point of view, it's the one waiting outside. because.. in army, u dun get to think. u dun ve time to think. so who's the one who would be thinking all day long, all the long nights, it's yours truly. i need the strength, i really do.

just some whining i want to get off my chest. i'll be fine. i have things to occupy me. i always do. just a matter whether i want to do them or not. my list of things to do will never be completely empty. and i've mr smiley to accompany me anyway. reality hits. it's time to start on that track.

This is a relatively important picture... not because it has the both of us taken nicely inside but it's important cos of the logo behind. if u notice, that's sakae and our food for most days... dear dear is crazy abt jap food. now, we even have the sakae card!

Happy 20th monthsary!

my army boy

his army haircut.

first week of school is over and i'm in a much calmer mood than compared to first day of school. so at least when i describe the first day of school, i won't be cursing and swearing all the way. yes, it was that bad but it's all over.

so yes, the school screwed up very badly on monday. made me wait for a total of close to 3 hours for my class to start. i m not familiar with the school. but i do know how terrible their admin help is and how high their turnover rate is. i don't even know if they know their work or not. guess i got to figure my way around here and hopefully settle in soon. am i useless? i always feel like that in a new environment. helpless, lost and insecure. always feel like giving up. i know in the future, things will not be so bad.. but the start is so hard. it's really tiring me. =/ i never allow myself to regret but maybe this time round.... don't get me wrong. the lecturers are great! very helpful, the facilities can do. just that, i dun feel like i belong. the sense of belonging and security is not there. that's what so bad about the school. how can they actually make their students feel this way??

having said enough, somehow, i know God is always very kind to me. in this really bad first week of school, i had one of the best week together with me baby. he passed out on tues and awiting for results to see where is he going to be posted to. spent every single min and sec together. haha.. for lost times. but i'm really glad for his support and company during this whole week. =) once again, life is always balanced. am enjoying myself and i don't know why, we are not eating cheaply this whole week!! which is really bad..... i'm starting to feel guilty. for all the fats i know is going to accumulate. yucks man! apart from that, loving every min of it. in fact, our Golden weekend starts today. haha.. my name for it. cos we're gg to spend the whole time together till monday. maybe i should start cam-whoring with him... so can post some latest pictures up of him. will see how.

i'll pull through, won't i? things will work out just fine, won't it? need all the help and support i need. help would be nice like tell me where do i get tbs! don't care if it's second hand or not... i need to buy textbooks! haha....

finally, the day has come (and i'm not talking abt yan's birthday). the last day of my freedom, also known as the last day of my baby's torturous imprisonment. how ironic, i know. I'll be starting school official tmr. actually, i'm not nervous or whatever, i'm just afraid that screwed up place will mess it up for me and that i've more things to settle and deal with after which. that's precisely why i dislike that place. so much.

i've always been an extremist and an idealist. i dream of perfection. and also how many things should be like. like i always feel, new school term means new stuff which explains the numerous of bags i have, some only used for one school term. and also how love should be like. how a couple in love should be like. or how the feeling of love should be like. i know this is not the right way but in my life and in my dictionary, these are the definitions i have. maybe that's why i always tend to think too much, cos in life, many things are so not up to standard. and i get disappointed and such disappointment would lead to unhappiness. maybe as i start uni, leading a different phase of my life, i should change my mindset. i should just work hard towards my goals. expect less and give more. maybe then, i would be happier, i hope. but being an extremist i would still stick to it. i want nothing more the the best. either i do it or not. and if i do it and put in all my effort and work, i know i will get it.

yes, this is my attitude to start school. sounds good, hope it'll be really good. and to my baby.. welcome to civilisation for ten straight days!

I will not say things such as getting married, forever and ever or anything else that relates to it anymore. I don't think I am ready for it and frankly speaking, I know hardly anyone will be ready for it at a age of 20 but what I meant is that, my love has not matured to even a stage where such thoughts could be entertained. so who exactly was I trying to kid? myself? or just hanging on to the one simple fact, solid it may seem but who knows may dissolve and burst one day?

It takes alot to love. Love is something that happened. We don't know how but it just did and it's sweet but it doesn't mean that could last forever. Anything that we want to last must involve effort and work being put to it. We want good grades after our first decent paper means putting in extra efoort to maintain and to push it to greater heights. Therefore when we want our love to last, effort must be placed in as well. so at this point of my life, i'm not sure I'm ready to take it to that marriage level yet because there are lots of problems to learn and understand. I don't think i'm mature enough to want to take it to the level too. being that naive princess that i wanna be just wun work.

at the end of the day, i feel listening to talking is important. it takes two hands to clap. i've always wanted to be a person who's clear about what she wants and i guess i've attained that. I'm sure i know what I want, just the process seemed a little rocky. i have my own faults and I know that.

i don't even know should i begin this alone... or wait. i'm not the patient kind, tt's why.

Happy Birthday to me!

Thanks for all the well wishes from everyone. Each and every one made me smile and felt blessed. Thanks for remembering. Thanks to all my beloved girlfriends who celebrated my birthday for me. I made a wish for each and every one of you guys and thank God for having such friends. All of u are special to me. I understood what it meant that birthday w/o you guys meant birthday not celebrated properly. MUACKS!! love all lots! hahaa

At a ripe age of 20, I suddenly realise there's many things I want to do. Was thinking to myself, nothing in this life can be guaranteed. No one can confirm what their future will be like now. Even a millionaire, how can he be sure his fortune will last? maybe his son will cheat him of his fortune? maybe some woman will? or maybe he will lose it in one night? Let's say a business man, thier risks are higer, nobody can be sure that business will not fall, will florish. So i'm thinking, since there are so many maybes in this world, being now and living now is important. everything u do must be done w/o regrets. Cos with regrets, then i can be sure even in the future when u are succeeding, leading a life u wanted, you know that you had regrets. another thing is important,m life life happy. be happy every day because this particular day will not repeat itself anymore.

of course i'm not saying that we shouldn't put in effort to make our future a desirable one. I believe everything in life except r/s, we reap what we sow. but there's still luck involved. we need effort, we also need a teeny weeny bit of luck. so apart from building our lovely future, be happy everyday! =)

I felt i just made a birthday speech!!! hahaa

i thought i will be fine giving tuition on my birthday but on the actual day itself... i wished i had pushed it to another day. supper anyone? spend the last 3 hrs of my birthday with me?

a really eventful day i would say. one that i enjoyed alot even though i didn't get to watch the fireworks this weekend after all.

we struggled to climb out of bed this morning due to time constraint that we calculated. me not so bad, cos i slept before him last night. so after rushing round the house to get ready, we finally left. ate dtf for lunch then after which watched movie. then head down to katong for Big Fish. haha... we walked quite abit of distance to reach BF cos baby made a mistake with the bus we took. we walked till my legs nearly gave way. sumptous dinner!!! if only i wasn't so full, i would eat their lovely dessert. after that, we walked to ecp. quite some walking distance.. through dark areas too. and i thought we're gg there to blow air... look at the beach.. but no.. we are there to walk through ecp and stop at MACs. hahaha.. so much for romance... but seriously.. if it were before he went army.. i might complain non stop abt it. but now, spending quality time is already enough.

i really enjoyed this weekend. and once again. how short this is. though baby cannot celebrate my actual birthday with me.. this is enough already. =) it already warmed and sweetened me. and i'm really really sorry for what happened. i deserve not to be given flowers yea? =/

loves

with a blink of the eye, Sunday is here again. the weekend pass really fast, especially this one but this week is not going to be that bad, because he's coming out on wed. then going back in on thurs and won't come out until the weekend that follow next week. and according to him, he cannot call back during field camp. i know i'm going to miss him badly during those days. what to do, he's in the process where boy turn to man! haha... later part of sundays is still quite sad, though both of us are getting used to it. although it might get tough especially when TOM is here. i only wish he can be back on 17th and 18th that week, cos got fireworks! it will be so nice if we manage to get a place by black angus or any restaurant along that way and await the start of fireworks. that'll be nice with my baby... even if no restaurant.. i still wan to watch fireworks!

this weekend, baby has been pampering me real. i forgot to draw money since he booked out all the way till he book in. so i've been eating out of his pocket and also shopping out of his pocket. feels goood. love that boy so much. too bad, we couldn't find the lovely covered shoes i'm so looking for. but oh well, it's all my fault.

nonetheless, hope wed will come asap!

and eve, if u are reading this.. where's my timetable!?

i always think twentieth (i've been typing for quite some time, i cannot figure out how to spell that, hope u guys get what i mean) birthday is very important. because it's like the first birthday towards prime. the BIG TWO. and yet, not necessary be a responsible adult like 21 yet. so you kinda get to enjoy best of both worlds. that's how i always feel. thus, i think 20th (why didn't i think of that before) birthday is very important. and i'm someone who always count down to my birthday one month before and get so excited about it. hee.. i think no one else gets more excited about my birthday than me. that's what i always think.

somehow, when the birthday that i so look forward to this year doesn't even cheer me up. i forgot about counting down, and i kind of dread it. it's sad. it's the day that leona was brought to this earth and that's the best thing worth to celebrate for me, isn't it? i feel sad. and it's not helping that, i cant even conjure out a list of things i want, cos i really cannot think of anything. this sucks! my precious day of the year....

i promise when i wake up the next day, things would be better. but i cannot stop the tears welling up each time i fall to sleep...

the weekend was short but sweet. when it ended, i felt like it was all a dream. a very short dream, a dream i rather have and rather not have. rather not have because it ended too fast and make me want more. the emptiness i felt seemed bigger than before. and i don't think it can be filled up any sooner.

life seemed pretty meaningless these days. maybe meaningless is not the right word, because i have goals and dreams and things to do. i need to study for my final theory, i need to get my driving license, i need to prepare for my grade 8 theory, cos i just pass my grade 7. i need to run errands for my boy, need to prepare this, do that but somehow, in the midst of all these stuff, the loneliness i feel deep within is there, no matter how much i ignore its existence. doing all these stuff, the feeling of emptiness is still there. i know it. it knows me. sometimes, even when i'm on a crowded street, with people all around, i still feeling so lonely that i wanna cry.

actually, some stuff can be really simple, ain't it? some people can live their life for one purpose and one goal. one person. then life is easy, because ur happiness and unhappiness all derive from one source. i am not such a person but am i becoming one. things suddenly become so complex and complicated, i don't know what can i do to live it simpler. to be self-fulfilling. suddenly, i'm reminded of myself in the past. but now, things are different. to work hard towards a goal is good, but the mental state must be there. the determined, never say die attitude must be there. then, such a person can be happy and everythine will seem meaningful.

i'm not there yet. but i know i'll get out of this mess real soon. because if i don't, this emptiness feeling will eat into me, will eat all of me.

happy 1.5 anniversary!

haha.... no celebration. just wanna mark down this day. let's see.... 5 more days to the 27th!

finally, oh finally, the chinatown eggtarts melting into my mouth. ooooh.. oh so delicious, it's so so so goood! the egg taste, soft, smooth and silky. woooo... very very nice. finally. =) my next cravings.. hee hee hee.. BBQ FOOOD! when can i go for a bbq party??? i want i want!!!!

the day pass so fast yet the night seemed so long. mummy say i'm leading my life in a non-meaningful way but i beg to differ. my days are always packed. nicely packed i would say but the night always seemed so long. i'm pretty much of a person who loves sleeping in than sleeping early. it's only in the night that thoughts flood my mind, and loneliness creep in. let me count down.. one more week, i miss my baby.

wadever it may be... it has been a good week no matter what. =)

tonight when i talk to my boy, i feel sad. dunno why. after the past few nights, i thought i will feel fine, but when i talk to him tonight, i suddenly felt sad. i wished i could help him in some way or another. he sounded so sick and tired. i don't know in what way can i show my support more. like... i'm not in his situation, i won't understand. yet i wished i could help more. =( i dunno wad else i can do.

on a lighter note, ah chew dessert tmr!

cravings: EGG TARTS FROM CHINATOWN

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

A teacher of the Law came up and tried to trap Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to receive eternal life?"
Jesus answered him, "What do the scriptures say? How do you interpret them"
The man answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind'; and 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.' "
"You are right," Jesus replied; "do this and you will live."
But the teacher of the Law wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus answered, "There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him hald dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came there, went over and looked at the man. and then walked on by on the other side. But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon than man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wound and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Take care of him,' he told the innkeeper, 'and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him' "
And Jesus concluded, "In your opinion, which one of these three acted like a neighbor toward the man attacked by the robbers?"
The teacher of the Law answered, "The one who was kind to him."
Jesus replied, "You go, then, and do the same."

- Lk 10:25-37

I'm glad i fought my laziness and went to church today.

Cravings: Green bean soup