i'm looking forward to this weekend. 2 parties and a ball to attend. =) but before that, i've 3 more tuitions to go to. =/

always expect the unexpected and just when i learnt how NOT to get my hopes high, i have to deal with disappointment again. i thought i learnt, but looks like there's more homework to be done. and when i look into the future, i see more of such "having-to-learn-how-to-deal-with- disappointment" situations. even the heartiest breakfast couldn't cheer me up for long.

i've been addicted these days. since tues i believe, straight after exams. i haven't been able to do constructive things, not even get myself a cocktail to fulfill my fantasy. oh well, i guess i have to give myself a break once in a while and do all non-constructive things.

however, i still manage to stock up my house on food. since i'm going to stay home alot. i'm still giving tuitions. hmmm, i've settled some re-application of cards. packed a little here and there. these are more or less the constructive things i've done. get a little peeved and bitchy over the weekend. i call that constructive, cos i let some steam and finally i saw the light. actually things can be really simple. when i let it go, and just smile over it. haha.. my boy is very proud of himself and cos he managed to strike up convo with my gfs and initiated convo and managed to make them laugh. haha... it's definitely an achievement in his dictionary and i'm very happy also. it's nice to see him enjoying himself while out with us, instead of complaining to me later he's bored and all.

his commission parade is this sat and boy is eddie right. i am proud of him. it's as if it's my son who is going to be commissioned. ahaha.. life couldn't get any better right now. and it can be even better if i get to do constructive things, like get my cocktail.. or make myself happpier.

i was doubting the true meaning of frienship. esp for someone like me... who after a series of bad falls and bad nights, and turn to gfs everytime when i m in pit and esp when gfs help me up when i was down. to me, friendship is something really important and some aspect that i give great importance and priority to. i m still doubting abt friendship and gfs. maybe it's a give and take. while i wan others to prove some stuff to me, i should be proving stuff to them too. ya, leave the doubt there. i seriously do love all my gfs. this prompts a speech tt i'm thinking of making.. hmmm...

finally caught narnia. not in gold class. i can't seem to get anything out from the timings of gold class. hopefully i still get to use them before expiry. anyway, love it and all i can sae is .. it's been 2 yrs and 4 months... ahaha....

life couldn't get any better. =)

seriously when i stepped out of expo hall 4 today, i swore the air smelt so sweeet. it's sad that i cannot plaster a smile on my face like everyone else, because i am alone. so all i could do is kept the aloof look and pretend i m not bursting from the inside! gosh..... liberty, freedom!! here comes shopping and good foood! i simply simply cannot wait for guilt free fun!!!!!!!

OMG... i m just THAT happy. after coming a month of ordeal, suffering and pain. now i got lotsa things to start doing and i think i better make a list. I M SOOOO EXCITED! things to do, people to hang out with and baby's commissioning!! life couldn't get any better today!

thanks for everyone who stood by me for this coming one mth of preparing for exams and exams. thanks for chin and her wake up msges in the morning to get me up to study though half the time not v successful and thanks for amelia who always remind me to bring jacket, cos i sae people who does that are sweet. thanks thanks thanks!! =)

a good way to start the day is a hearty breakfast. and nothing beats fishball mee tak mak dry as a good hearty breakfast. just taking a break and now back to books.

i seriously got a huge craving for dim sum and this craving has been in me since the boy went taiwan. no, i think it's before that even. =( haik, i'm in no position to request the boy to bring me go eat dimsum. =( ARG. i'm leading a sad and dimsun-less life. sorry, it's late morning, just woke up and i'm hungry........

anyway, angel, i dun wanna curse u or wad. but hope we can go out after my exams. =)

over the weekend...

finally 3 papers down, and one more to go. i simply cannot wait for 3 june to come. 1pm 1pm! i would really appreciate if anyone wanna celebrate the glory with me on that day. but i know everyone else is working and working and working. airport has been a tradition for me everytime after exams lately, maybe i'll pop over there myself? haha...

it's friday!!! i have been playing games since i finished my exams yesterday. but i should get to my books. though there's still a distance from now to 3 june, i shouldn't wait till last min. haik, exams are such a torture but this is the worst. my exams are dragged over 4 weeks. 4 weeks is equivalent to 1 month!!

i finally can put good use to my gold class tickets. =) narnia! it sure brings back special memories. i still remember the night 3 xmas eve back where all my girlfriends are gathered over yan's house and i was telling them who i was going to watch the first narnia movie with on xmas. lol.... concrete memories sure stay but details are fading.

oh, and it's been one yr since the 4 of us went on cruise. gosh.. i seriously love the co. of such people. =) the next weekend is here.

i'm better at hooking people up than maintaining a relationship. i'm such a loser. screw myself

it's been a really long time since i last blog. well, i've been dutifully studying, in a way. haha, i just finished two papers in a day. was at the expo from 930 in the morning till around 6 in the evening. haha... first paper was just so screwed. screwed beyond screwed. don't even think i write enough for them to award me marks, how to pass. while doing that paper, i already thought o wad module i must take up next year. sian, 5 mods sure darn tough one. =/ but oh well, second paper was good. not too bad. am sure i can up enough marks to do well. haha

hmmmm, why am i online on a saturday? my precious boy is not back until tmr. i just have books for company then. =)

what can i say about the past 6 days that we spent together? you can make me boiling hot, make me mad and fury, yet you can still make me adore you and love you like crazy. haha...

so because of these lovely days and this lovely boy, here comes hell. for me. all the way to 22nd may! though my exam officially ends on 3rd june, but 22nd may i can take a breather already.

yes.. work hard for my lovely june to come!

sometimes i totally feel so defeated though. and all it takes is someone, something, some look or some action for me to feel this way. i suspect my incapability or ignorance to love. then again, maybe i just need that nudge.

finally got my beloved back in my arms. how time flies seriously, he's going to commission soon as an officer, provided he don't suddenly get ooc of course. but something kinda surprised me yesterday when i was at the airport. while waiting for him, my heart actually cannot stop pounding. ok, pounding is normal, but my heart is actually beating fast and i'm actually nervous and shy about meeting him. it's like i falling in love all over again, that kinda feeling. haha. tell me it's normal. cos i suddenly recall the first time my heart actually beat this hard and fast for this boy-becoming-man of mine.

i shall not go on about the gifts he bought. but i appreciate all that he bought and all. most importantly, i thank God he's safe and sound, losing only 1.5kg. i'm really a happy girl. i lose 1kg, but it's so going to come back just one day after his return. what with Mcgriddles for breakfast and sushi for dinner and a sumptous breakfast i intend to whip up for him tmr morning. while shopping at NTUC just now, i ended up chatting with the aunty that sells ham. haha... and while nic is gone to take other stuff i need, aunty secretly told me he's a good man. haha!! i smiled like an idiot. LOL.. it's just hilarious.

anyway, after his taiwan trip, our next year holiday plan became very clear. no Outbacks, no London, no beaches, bali or phucket, believe it or not, we're actually going taipei. lol.... settled and confirmed. haha, apparently, there's so many things he wanna see and visit, no chance. so taipei, and hopefully other parts of taiwan, here we come.

half a year more and we'll be able to get our next symbol of love. one yr one and we're able to go on our first holiday. the list goes on, but this is short term stuff to look forward to. and i love this boy and the life he's going to give me. =)

WORK HARD, LEONA! everything is going so well, you dun wanna destroy all that u stood for.

i'n in a pretty foul mood. it seems that i cannot finish studying. how do one memorise the two tb for one day's worth of exams. and further more, one of the module is my arch enemy. i m losing hope, day by day. i seemed to be mugging like next week is my exams, but i really am starting to panic like next week is my exams.

this is the price to pay for what i chose. i asked for it. and now, though i am not regretting, i am wishing this would all be over. i should start to mia, seriously. to study. me, my mj table and my lamp.

=(

an unexpected message that came in late at night brought silly me to tears.

receiving the letter of notification is like a big slap to my face that i should get back to books, get back to studying and serious studying is required. i've been studying but i'm very distracted. i can't wait for this thursday to come so that i will know if my baby is back in camp safely. keep having weird dreams, just feeling a little unsettled. of course i can't wait for next monday. when he's back in my arms.

i'm feeling so so so so so so sian! nothing can cheer me up mans, maybe dosage of good food. but for now, i'll take fruit juice as substiture. i'm in love with marigold peel fresh!

it's been 12 days since your departure. i guess the effect is kicking in finally. my tracks are getting a little blurry and i don't know where this long-winding road will take me. or even when it ends. i'm just bumping along the way, trying to toughen myself up as day by day goes by. don't get me wrong, i'm not being weak here. i'ts just this effect coming all over me, that's making everyday difficult to get by.

school officially ends. cos i choose not to go this sat's class after the last one i go last week. it's crap. i'm pretty much on my own. there's alot at stake. and i don't wanna be a loser after the end ofthe game. yet, i'm not hardworking enough. grr, mummy didn't give me interllect when she gave birth to me, why didn't she pass her genes of perserverence or hardworking-ness like she so proclaimed she had? i have neither. tt's doom to fail yea!???

let's go library and study again. i love it there

sometimes, kid's memory amazes and amuses me. apparently, sometime ago (i cannot even remember when), my student wanted to give a notebook as a gift. it's a kiddy notebook, and i have no use for it. at that point of time, i wanted to reject it so i flipped abit and say, i dun like notebook inside got scribbles and all. some pages had some drawings here and there.

today after lesson ended, the student gave me the notebook (i couldn't even recognise it's the same notbook). i thought again, i have no use for a kiddy notebook, so i flipped open and say, i don't like notebooks that got nothing inside. so plain (see how fast my brain work when it comes to rejecting things). but of course after i made tt comment, he sae, but u sae u dun like got things inside so i tear out those pages! den i realised it's the same notebook!!! and i cannot reject it anymore. so there it is now, inside my bag. haha

yes, my bad

i finally officially completed one whole module, as in complete studying it. and i used up almost the whole A4 size exercise book. i can feel the studying mode turning on and warming up slowly already. so as I am deciding which other module to start, i realised i haven't touch one single module at all, study guide brand new and it only makes it worse when i saw someone studying that in the library yesterday. his study guide don't look as new.

yes, i love the library. i think library makes it really conducive for me to study cos it's public area, u cannot keep standing up, sitting down, and cos it's not a school library, they're more strict which means no discussion at all. under such an envrionment, i'm forced to shut up and be more disciplined. i love the library, but i dun like it if i am alone. it feels too lonely, no one to smile to when u look up. anyway, i always feel something for libraries, like when i was really young, i thought my first crush would be someone i met from the library. cliche yeah i know. haha...

i'm sticking to my plans and i'm really really thrilled by it. i know yan finishes exams today. so which means, i can date her out on sat. go chill up abit then go home continue to mug. no more viwawa for me. at least not more than one hr tt kind. can so feel my ranking going down, but the ranking part is wad makes it SERIOUSLY addicitive, at least for me. 15 more days to the boy's return. i'm really excited, but i cannot even wait for his R&R to come, meaning more messages and maybe if he can afford, he can even call. die, i m beginning to forget how he sound...

sometimes i wonder, how people remember each other without meeting for a long time. like how i can remember how he sounds, how he looks like, his little actions? but i guess things always have a way round it. like in my hse, i can still feel his existence, like whenever i thought i would stop thinking abt him, there are things ard to remind me that hey, he still exists, how to so easily forget. his perfume, his guitar stand, his amp, his jacket... too many to list.

haha... on a random note, i love it when i see people leave a comment for me. cos seriously, i'm thinking who still reads about my boring life? as in.. who is even interested to read? i bet u guys ar, is come my blog, scan through. see got major change in me or not. right!?? see.. some of u are already smiling to urself already. tsk....\

back to books!

it's good to make plans. to cheer myself up. like although class didn't end as early as expected, i got a friend who took notes for me as well as told me wad to copy and stuff. thought i was a loner, but at least i have a friend who bothered.

then went toa payoh. lots of good memories man. apparently, the mian sua is still there, in the red bowl. the fried kuay tiao too, and the lor mee is still there!! the chicken rice, same stall i think and the veggie rice! i remember last time choir camp, we used to pack rice for their dinner from there. it's still there!!! haha... then i rode chin's bike back home and from there home, rushed all the way to IKEA, cos i was afraid i might not ve enough time to shop.

going IKEA makes me happy. i love that place, seeing all the stuff, i really wish i got my own place. then i will buy all the DIY stuff. and fix... okok.. i will get someone else to fix of course. and of course i love the hotdog bun, with tomato sauce. I was quite tempted to get the ikea chair. but i got no table to go with it... wanted to get it for studying purpose. i'm like trying to motivate myself by getting new stuff.

and there's dinner @ astons. =) i love plans.... thanks everyone who made my sat happy. next week must must mug hard... to enjoy the after work plans. =) lalalalala

i m feeling so irritable now. all i wan is to shout and grumble, pick a fight and scream my lungs out. i m feeling so angry........ and i have to contain all these emotions in me and explode.

i will die from swallowing my anger

when my students ask me how to improve their vocabulary, i told them it's very difficult to suddenly excel in it. and especially so, when they don't have the habit of reading books or let's say speaking english at home. this kind of thing is gradually one. like even if u start reading lots of books now, u might not be able to absorb at such a fast rate. in any way, i've decided to let my kids read from young.

anyway, what i didn't tell my students is that another reason how u can do better is to love the subject. love english, love literature. and don't get me wrong, i don't mean i love doing compositions, or comprehension, or situatuonal writing, it's just that by loving the subject, i understand what alot of words mean. i may not have thought of using the word doesn't mean i don't understand the word. let's say for example, i use happy but that doesn't mean i don't understand the word elated or thrilled. i enjoy reading beautiful articles cos i enjoy reading how writers use beautiful words to describe something.

it's like saying i miss the boy is understating the phrase missing someone. because i m not a good writer, i can't make a beautiful poem out of missing someone. or i can't express the deeper feelings within me regarding missing him. but that doesn't mean i dun understand when i see writers writing beautifully about missing someone. so that's where vocab is all about. to use it is another level. at a normal level, understanding is good enough. knowing alot of words is good enough.

i used to love wednesdays, cos after wed, the whole week will pass quickly and before i know it, the weekends will be here. but i got nothing to look forward this weekend. so ya, these 20 odd days will just pass slowly.. sian-ness, after all the studying, i got nothing to look forward to this weekend