this whole week went past in a flash. or rather, i was so preoccupied with one thing that i kinda neglected everything else. i had a seminar presentation to a crowd of about 15 on saturday. kind of like mini public speaking for me. i was preparing for it the whole week, nervously and getting cold feet. I got so scared that i wanted to give it up totally. then boss told me that if i don't take up the challenge and stand up for it, i never will. so yea, i just went ahead. thankfully, everything went quite smoothly. and i got quite positive feedback! haha.. phew!

and one saturday is gone just like that. i was so nervous before the presentation, the night before i couldn't sleep and before the presentation, couldn't really eat so imagine my relief after the presentation. I was so hungry and at the same time tired. I wanted to cook but was quite tired. so end up, we ate at the coffeeshop downstairs my house. so tired i slept before 10!

had another peaceful sunday, relaxed and all. i love sundays like this. morning go church, eat my favourite katong laksa. seriously, katong laksa is the best. never settle for anything other than katong laksa. then came home and took a nap. haha, i am such a sleepy head. i love sleeping! i love my bed. sadness, next year have to buy new bed. a bigger bed already.

then cooked dinner. macroni dry. nice attempt. next time perfect it. =)

17 more days to krabi... cannot wait!

I probably mentioned this already but here it is again. Counting down to Krabi! each day passes by very slowly. And in between from now till then, i have a huge presentation and two roadshows. That is one break i totally deserved yea? Haha!

before i go for that trip, i need to do three things. i hope i have the time to do them:
1. Go do pedicure
2. Go facial
3. Cut hair

And after that, i will be ready to go for my trip. I am hoping that after i come back on the 18th Aug, can plan a long weekend trip somewhere. because 20th happens to be public holiday and 21st is yours truly's birthday. =) but budget is one. and i scared we might end up even more tired if we travelled that much, especially back to back.

I feel quite crushed in spirit recently. never felt such huge setback. how do i ever resolve this? 
 

i want to go on holidays! i want to buy shoes! i want to buy bags! i want to buy clothes! i want to get out!!!!

ok, this shouldn't sound as desperate. because i will be going krabi in one months time. and i am counting down. every day and every hour and second. it is just that, i am planning a trip in January. i want to go somewhere in jan with the boy, but i have no idea exactly where to go. don't wanna spend that much also because the wedding is next year.

and speaking of the wedding. argghh... bottle neck yet again. i would love planning any wedding but my own! nothing seems to be going my way. i don't know what kind of arrangement would be the best! this is so frustrating. i need someone to sit me through and reassure me, and confirm with me, debate with me on the pros and cons. seems like everyone is too busy with their lives at this point of time.

=(

I had one of the loveliest date today. It makes up for the fact that i stayed in office till 2 plus on a saturday. yesterday was really bad though.

I was in a pretty cranky mood cos i need to go back on a saturday for the meeting. And the worse was that i thought i could leave by 12 max? and end up, we had to buy lunch and dine in and continue our discussion until 2. i was so fed up, and i started shooting anything and anyone that got in my way. I could still get away with it now in office, cos i am the youngest. but seriously, i did feel very bad after i left. And when my mood became good after shopping with my boy, i thought back about my attitude in office and felt a bit bad.

but retail therapy is always the best! we both bought bottoms, not really matching but i wanted it to. then i went watsons. watsons is one place i can stay and shop. just like candy shop. And then i had a good time cooking together with the boy. i always have a bad habit, like i will crave for some stuff after watching people eat it on tv. i watched a jap show recently and they grilled a fish. i thought it looked yummy so i told the boy i want too! and my favourite asparagus wrapped with bacon. and our first attempt at wine wine clams. it was yummy! just that we used alot of white wine, the taste was abit strong. the boy said outside one most likely dilute it. maybe that is what i should do. quite wasteful to pour in one whole bottle of white wine.

anyway, today was just a usual sunday. we went to church. and then we went to watch spiderman. hmm, just like any super hero movie. not impressed. just that since it is the must watch movie, so we go watch it lo. and then, in order to take a "nature" related picture, we walked from parkway to east coast park to have my long awaited sushi tei. i have been craving for it whole week. a lazy afternoon, eating sushi and enjoying my paperpot (nabe) and then after we bought a dark mocha frap, we took a slow stroll back to parkway to take bus home.

i look forward to taking more long walks with you. =) =)

it is amazing how much stronger i grow when there are weakness around me. when everyone around me is fine and doing well, i tend to be reliant clingy. however, when someone shows signs of weakness, or verge of breaking down, i emerge and try my very best to be their supporter, to go the extra mile to make them feel better.

i would like to think that my batteries are used for this purpose. people around me give me the strength during normal days. and i am always charged up. when they are in need, i give them the energy and that extra burst of encouragement and love, whatever they need.

we are all indeed build very differently. no one is superman. and no one can always and perpetually be happy, taking the stress and burden of life. everyone needs solace and a place they can just curl up and whine. even superman. and i will be that ordinary person to be there. always. because my strength comes from everyone around me.

I had the most lovely time with my friends today. Lovely place, food was alright. I think it should be nice, just that i didn't have alot of appetite today. So i ended up eating very little. But the company was great. This is my family and as chin calls it, friends are our chosen family. and i am so glad i have my girls.

We were at this restaurant call Cornerstone, located at Bishan Park. It is a pity they don't serve brunch. this place is such a nice place to have brunch. so suitable.

Next on the list will be my birthday celebration. But before there, it is Krabi! i am so looking forward to it!

And these people are my family-- half sisters. The closest thing i get as sisters. I love you girls

And yes, things are finally falling in place. But not my blog. Somehow, i cannot seem to do up a nice background. In this way, i lost alot of things, like my pictures, and those links to others' webpages. Importantly, there is no place for anyone to leave comments. Not that anyone has been leaving me any comments lately. But i am positive. I rather have a place for others to leave comments than not to have it at all.

Throughout this whole month of early wedding planning, i learn a great deal about what it is to be as a couple. for a start, woman are the ones who fantasize, who has a dream wedding since young and who has lots of ideals and want everything perfect. guys on the other hand are more practical. money is one of the crucial factor they look at and then they weigh all other factors below $$$. At the same time, they also wanna please their wifes to be. So actually, they have a pretty tough job in controlling the expenses. I believe alot of man out there just let their wives spend in whatever way they want for the wedding. After all, they love their wives and also they want to give her the best day of her life. Since she is only going to marry once. It is like a gift.

as a young couple ourselves, we kinda started from scratch saving for the wedding. with more savings coming from the boy. being his usual self in the past, he would ask me to forgo the wedding and just fly somewhere secluded and marry, our own world. of course that did appeal to me. however, i wanna share the joy with everyone i know. i wanna be a pretty bride for a day, with lots of pictures to show for it. importantly, i want those i love to witness me marry and be happy for me. Not counting the fact that, my parents only have me as a daughter. so certain traditions and customs cannot be spared.

i always wanted a beach wedding. however, there are so many considerations. i learnt that not everytime whatever you want, you can have. you simply have too much to consider. it is not just about yourselves. and having chosen decemeber as the wedding month, i have to consider the weather as well. i heard on the wedding day, things can go wrong no matter how perfectly you plan. i don't wanna add on my troubles by worrying whether rain or not. so going through this whole month, we learnt to give and take, i learnt to compromise in a practical way. i learnt that wedding is just the start to our marriage and i don't want to start it by not learning how to plan a wedding together.

all in all, we are very happy with our decision. in fact, i feel both of us has a say to it. and that is how it should be. both liking it and it is our decision. =) =)

i'm not very good at handling such situations. what do you do when your prospect start acting weirdly and declaring he likes you after only meeting you twice for less than half an hour each. it really creeps me out, freaks me out. i must be more mature in handling such situations next time.

too bad, i thought he could be my client. boo.....

And the search for wedding venue continues, coming nearer and nearer to the end. I've been to super nice place, such as @ Hyatt, the new concept call The Gallery, with the super intimate privacy reception area, complete with a loft kitchen and even living room, which we can design any way we want. of course, such new concept place comes with a price.

we should be making a decision soon. all these weeks of searching, inspecting, we've learnt alot. and we have benefited alot. we met some very nice wedding coordinators and of course a fair share of inexperienced 'gabra' ones.

i went to sengkang sports complex for roadshow today. usually now i don't like to do roadshows anymore, cos i am not very good at it anyway. abit waste of time, sometimes for me. but i agreed to go today and it was quite an experience. one of my best moment. =) =) happy. anyway, sengkang sports complex is quite cool ,they have very nice pools and very well equipped facilities. i am glad that my future home will be near here, so i can visit often.

haik.. my life is filled with work, trying to get started my preparation for my wedding and not much else. i want something exciting!!! anyway, decided not to blabber too much wedding talk on this blog. after all, i don't want it to be like all about wedding and no more personal life. i set up a wedding blog, at least a place for me to blabber. haha

i have been walking long distances ever since the sundown which i already clock 21 hours that day. like last week for instance, we were supposed to go beaufort for site visiting and we took the wrong shuttle bus and it took us all the way in to sentosa cove instead. imagine the distance we had to walk to come out and by the time, we already missed our appointment. then plus my appointments lately all made me walk long distances, all not near mrt or anything. ok, some of it is my own choice to walk instead of taking one mrt stop. now i know why i eat so much and not significantly fatter. don't get me wrong, i am still fat but i should have been fatter with the food i eat. i walked so much!

and this weekend, more site visiting, more walking i supposed. must remind myself to get into more comfortable dressing and shoes.

i wonder how do people ever decide where to choose their venue. i am having such huge problem choosing!! =/

i had one of the best weekend as long as i remembered. and long weekends are defined total undivided time together with my boy. without any activities of socializing. haha! i know how it sounds, but at times we really need this another long weekend is defined as friday, sat and sun. nowadays, we don't get fridays together as much as we would liked to. anyway, this is a once in a while thingy, next week, it's back to activities and socializing.

we did have a mini hiccups during this long weekend, but it didn't change anything. this is still the perfect weekend. lazing around. runnng a half marathon and cooking dinner, which is something we haven't been doing for a long time.

now that we got seriously planning and talking about budgeting, i realised how stressful this is all going to be. how can i tide it through? 

Dating is playing games, but engagement, or betrothal, means we are now committing to truth. We are choosing to reveal more of ourselves so we can see each other wholly and love each other in wholesome ways.

The outcome of a good engagement is marriage, when, as Adam and Eve discovered, we find ways to be "naked and not ashamed" before each other. This is more than just undressing; it is the psychological honesty that allows us to meet one another in truth, peering into each other's souls without embarrassment or threat of one of us walking away.

There may be times when too much honesty harms a good relationship, but it is hard to know how secrets can be part of a healthy relationship. God does not turn away from us when the secrets of our hearts are brought into the healing light of divine grace. Nor should we turn from those who trust us with the intimacy of private faults, disappointments, needs and dreams. As Jesus reminds us in this brief parable about a lamp, "Whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." Especially in marriage.

These are times when i am so glad the bible is really and truly a life manual. 

i don't have discipline. zero. nothing. i don't have the discipline to exercise, i don't have the discipline to not drink cold water even for 3 months. i don't have the discipline to finish what i start. i don't have nothing!!!!! makes me sick.

i am getting a little out of control. my accounts are in a mess... God, save me. please.

over the weekend, people kept asking us, "how's everything? now nic move house?" and nic will say he fee that hougang is like another country to him and everything needs to be adapted. he cannot get used to hougang. and i will say, yea, i feel like i am having a long distance relationship with him. haha!

indeed, this week has been a little difficult for us. in terms of adjustment and adapting. but like everyone will say absence makes the heart fonder. and it really did. we were inseparable this weekend. haha.

alot of things happened this weekend. i am both thankful and fearful. i am thankful for my blessings. and fearful of the unknown future.

i know i want it simple.

i don't like to take injections. it is not the fear of needles, but rather, it is the aching feeling you have in your arms afterwards. u feel a ache and you don;t dare to knock it for fear it might be painful. it is not, but the feeling is there. and u cannot raise ur arms up too high because that is achy too! gosh....

i ve been eating like a pig recently, especially during the afternoon times. but then i don't ve the appetite for dinner after that. doesn't sound healthy. like today, i had a bowl of fish noodles soup which i didn't even finish then a cup of mixed fruits. after which, my colleague bought me a cupcake from twelve cupcakes. then i was so freaking cold in the office that i went down to buy a hot soya milk and got tempted by a stick of fishballs. and these are all consumed in 5 hours! help me, i feel the fats building around my tummy already.

the afternoons are always the hardest to wait out. but i am glad my mornings and evenings are packed. work harder, girl!

i was watching the 9pm show and there was this part about love. it actually brought tears to my eyes. i just always want to remind myself these verses:

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres "

Love is really something so intangible yet it is one of the most powerful tool. A husband can say to the wife, i love you so much that i want to make sure you are well and taken care of even when i am not around. A mother can say to a child i love you so much that no matter how many wrongs you do, or how badly you treat me, i will always forgive you and my arms are always open to receive you. How difficult it is to give unconditional love. in this society, everyone wants something back in return. they want to be appreciated. they want to be loved first before they are willing to love freely. so many conditions.

A 21 years old in the morning and a 71 years old in the evening. What a vast contrast. The role i had to play talking to both, the things i said to both person is so so far apart. other than the fact that my saturdays feel so different not being able to spend with the boy, i had a fun time meeting new people. it reminds me what i love about my job in the first place. talking to people from all walks of life, listening, giving advice. making a difference.

it feels a little sad that i am not able to get anyone at short notice. even if it's just for lunch. =/

the 5 F's in my life, which i feel like i am failing in. failing in every aspect because i am not giving it my all in those aspects. you reap what you sow, i guess i deserve it. if life is like rock climbing, i guess i am not that far away from ground yet because the rule of rock climbing is that u let go of whatever you are stepping on, to reach for a higher place. and only by doing that, we can move upwards. i refuse to let go of my current standing because it gets me uncomfortable to leave my footing. but when i don't do that, i cannot move upwards or forward.

will i really be happier if we start living together? is that what i want? what is my biggest fears? will they keep coming back to haunt me?

maybe the new strategy to it all is to numb myself and immerse. give it my best shot so that i can feel that at least i excel in 1 of the F's in my life.

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (1 Peter 5:10)

Looking back at pictures, thinking back of conversations and looking at facebook updates, i remember the promises we share, the words we exchanged. i've learnt a long time ago that i cannot trust people. i cannot trust their words or anything at all. i need to rely on myself. but why do i still feel so upset each time i reflect back the happenings in my life.

i'm planning a trip in January with the boy but we are not too sure where we wanna go. I suggested hongkong, since we never been there before. he said no cos it's like another singapore which he doesn't want. Then he suggested japan and i said, too expensive! haha, then we thought of nice beach places and all he can think of is diving!

it has been a relatively great weekend. we went to check out some wedding stuff and we thought of doing the solemnisation on a weekday. was wondering how many people would or are willing to take the time off or take leave to come to our solemnising ceremony. hmmmm.....