tonight when i talk to my boy, i feel sad. dunno why. after the past few nights, i thought i will feel fine, but when i talk to him tonight, i suddenly felt sad. i wished i could help him in some way or another. he sounded so sick and tired. i don't know in what way can i show my support more. like... i'm not in his situation, i won't understand. yet i wished i could help more. =( i dunno wad else i can do.

on a lighter note, ah chew dessert tmr!

cravings: EGG TARTS FROM CHINATOWN

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

A teacher of the Law came up and tried to trap Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to receive eternal life?"
Jesus answered him, "What do the scriptures say? How do you interpret them"
The man answered, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind'; and 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.' "
"You are right," Jesus replied; "do this and you will live."
But the teacher of the Law wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?"
Jesus answered, "There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him hald dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came there, went over and looked at the man. and then walked on by on the other side. But a Samaritan who was travelling that way came upon than man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wound and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Take care of him,' he told the innkeeper, 'and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him' "
And Jesus concluded, "In your opinion, which one of these three acted like a neighbor toward the man attacked by the robbers?"
The teacher of the Law answered, "The one who was kind to him."
Jesus replied, "You go, then, and do the same."

- Lk 10:25-37

I'm glad i fought my laziness and went to church today.

Cravings: Green bean soup

silly me, i got quite overwhelmed when my baby call me today. hee.... one full day without seeing and talking much feels pretty wierd. i guess i'm so so so attached to him lo but then i will survive la. i've got things to do. just no mood to go do them.

went out for lunch with xin den late dinner with amelia. when he's not around, i dun even feel like eating. hope i slim down..

metro having 50% closing down sales at tampines!! anyone interested?

and when are my dates!!??? why no one ask me out one?????

the day has finally arrived. and no, i did not go send him off. baby say it's too early for me and so asked me to sleep more. he just gave me a call this morning and all. tt's pretty about it. and since i'm still in my sleep.... i don't really recall exactly what we conversed. it's been less than half a day and i'm already missing him.

the past 2 weeks has gone by with only one purpose. everyday, we just want to spend more time together. no matter what we do, it's always together. until the last part, things got a little blurred. until last night.... i wasn't even thinking straight. not a proper goodbye i guess. hahaha... but tt's not important, i'll await his return. it's just 2 weeks.

now tt baby has finally gone army. it's time to plan my life and organise it. maybe i should start with my room. i m craving for some girlie times too. is everyone very busy out there?? no time for gatherings??? hmmmm.... date me date me date me leh!!!!

gotta go, get ready to go out lunch with xin

it's monday... that means 4 more days before my boy has to go in. and 3 more days to say bye to his hair. haha.. it's not going to make much of a difference to me. but i noe he already misses it badly. we spent quality time together, with every minute counts but then there were the many plans that we did not do, like ecp.... mustafa. ahhaaa.. okok.. all these are only my plans.. but still. i just wanna spend time meaningfully. but nonetheless, for the past one week or so, we kept eating goood foood. going broke soon.

anyway, i'm glad it's sunshine after the rain once again and rainbow could be seen. i'm just glad it's all over and out behind us. after all, i dun wanna be gloomy for the last week that we get to spend together. these times should be happy times ain't it. just hope we do understand where each other is coming from and try to fix it somehow. of course i want things to work out but it takes two hands to clap. one alone strength is never enough. okok.. enough of such stuff.. everything should start anew. =)

i love you, i really do. please make life easier when i'm tired and i need someone to depend on. i'll do likewise for you.

want to change blogskins.. but cannot find nice one leh.... maybe i will spend one whole day looking for one tt i really like. i hav all the time in the world after friday. girls out there.. date me out pleaseee.. =)

sometimes when i hear them discuss it the way they did, i feel quite disturbed. i don't know if somewhere out there, i was being discussed that way as well.

sometimes when i thought we were in it together, then i was wrong.

sometimes when i don't understand you, i feel it strains the both of us.

i guess only time can tell

our day at kushin bo.

he did this....

my boy and his new guitar. can it actually be seen clearly? it's blue and white. cool.... i actually have a video of how much he can play now, but i dun think he wants me to upload it. haha.. it's actually in my room, part of my property. next time anyone pay me a visit... or come my hse, feel free to play it. just dun spoil it! he will be angryy.. >(

haha... a update of bears i have now. a family of four. the last two are actually much smaller, maybe palm size but really cute. the last two came a little unexpected and on-the-spot. we just buy and go. haha

why no one leave me any tags??? no one reads about my blog or concerned about me anymore!???

okok.. life has been peaceful. hmmm.. hard to say it is peaceful when i have someone practising his guitar right beside me in my enclosed bedroom. haha.. note: i'm not saying his playing is noisy or sucky..... REALLY I AM NOT EVEN BEING SACARSTIC. i enjoy this little moment when i do my stuff and he practise right beside me and i cen reach over for a small kiss or hug. *blissful smile*

so little update here and there: my boy bought his guitar already. maybe i will upload a picture of it soon. since it's going to be permanantly in my room. with the amps and all.. and dear amelia.. amps means AMPLIFIER!!!! ahahhaa... it's something all electric guitar needs!! haha.. dun ever ask us wad's amps again ok!

life has been peaceful, blissful and fattening!! we do nothing but eat and laze around!! ahahha... but we'll be hitting the town soon. buy stuff.. shop... maybe go around eating good foood before he goes in. hmmm.. mabe i will really be bored after he goes in cos all my friends will be working or schooling but then.. i noe how to make my life happening. i think. i will try.

okok.. i got nothing much to sae.. maybe i will load some pictures sooon! if i take them la... hahaha

after reading two books consecutively about running away from enemies, dodging people who wants to kill you, hiding and all, i think if ever one fine day, somebody were to hunt me down, or has intention of killing me, i can make a pretty good escape and wild goose chase for those people! the last part of the book always draws me totally into it, when conspiracies are out and truths are known. and it just gets more and more tense with every minute. sometimes i think to myself, the world of the law can be so boring yet interesting. i should have stick to my dream when i was younger and pursue to be a lawyer. oh well, i guess those thick books and notes to memorise totally put me off. then again, lawyers in singapore isn't tt great anyway right?

sitting in the office all day long, with absolutely nothing to do made me think alot. like random thoughts here and there. who can blame me, i am bored ok. and i dun even dare to take my storybook out to read. i scared it appeared too what. furthermore, today is my last day, better leave good impression while i can. i mean i m already blogging or surfing and it's qutie bad. so i wouldn't want to go to the extend to actually take a book out to read. anyway, like i said, i've been doing some random thinking which lead me to nowhere. i've too much concerns and worries i guessed. but then again, maybe i should just let God lead me to where he thinks i should be and let him settle all those concerns and worries for me. I know God will do a better job than me.

what kind of a person do i come across to people? i wonder..... have i been significant in people's lives? will i be forgotten easily? i think and think as the time pass slowly. it's only early in the morning and i am already bored! last day can pass so darn slow. i m looking forward to tonight's dinner already! yummmy.....

It's the first week of the day and I'm not suffering mega blues like last week so I deemed that as a good sign. and it's all because my contract ends on 27th June, only 3 days away! Yes, cheer for me everyone. Cheer cheer cheer! Yes, I'm bored at work, and really excited about Wednesday coming. After I stop work, I'll try to blog everyday. Make it more updated for those loyal readers out there. Yes you, I'm talking about you!

Oh ya, before I go on typing nonsense since I'm so bored, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DEAR ANGEL! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEAR DEAR XIN XIN! Ahhahaa.. I know xin won't read it. So never mind, angel, this is for you!!! Lots of hugs for you!!! Love you love you love you!

So, I'm going to end work soon but then I realised I don’t have time to meet up with everyone. sorry evelyn, think I'll visit you, together with sam after I quit. Even after I quit, I think I will miss golden shoe's food terribly. Seriously, I will. I am already craving for their fishmeat beehoon, that nice chicken rice stall tt I haven't try and nasi lemak!!!

Look at the many exclamation marks and u can tell I m not even suffering any blues. Mainly due to the fact tt I'm looking forward to the lunch I'm going to have later as well as the dinner celebration on later. So long never see all of us gather together. =) plus one new member.

Happiness is simple yet true. It's all around, waiting for us to feel it and to appreciate it and for us to recognise it. If you never try to forget all those daily troubles, never try casting all the frowns away, you'll never be able to find happiness. I treasure this happiness that I have. Cos it's so simple, pure, yet true. With my friends loving me and with parents around. And basically being alive with good health. Wad more do I dare ask for. I was being greedy all the time. Never acknowledging happiness and refusing it. But right now, I just want to put everything one side and feel happy! It's really tt simple! Hahaha…. =)

Okok….. I just want to share this happiness with everyone I noe. Love you all! MUACKS!

attitude is the most important thing i need to bear in mind. today's a good day... cos we are one month away from our 1.5 yrs. and today's a good day.. cos i said so

i've learnt something important today.

to love someone, you don't have to be with that person. keeping the person in the heart is enough.

"Would You Be Happier"

Woo

Did you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began,
I do (I do, I do, I do, I do)
Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand,
I did (I did, I did, I did)
Do you ever think you're someone else inside,
when no one understands you are (you are)
And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake, wake uuuuuup
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today

[Chorus]
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine (gonna be just fine)

Are you not afraid to tell your story now,
when everyone is done it's too late (too late, too late)
Was everything you've ever said or done not the way you planned,
mistaaaake
So you promised that tomorrow, be different than today

[Chorus]
Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
You're gonna be just fine
I think you're gonna be just fine
You're gonna be just fine
So don't worry baby

You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today

Would you be happier if you were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if you played a bigger part
Would you be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think you're gonna be just fine

Would we be happier if we were someone together
Would the sun shine brighter if we played a bigger part
Would we be wonderful if it wasn't for the weather
I think we're gonna be just fine
I think you're gonna be just fine

Don't worry baby
Gonna be just fine
Don't worry honey
Gonna be just fine
Don't worry baby
Gonna be just fiiiiine

Today is Monday and boy, am I feeling so freaking blue. Yes… this is equivalent to being in a bad mood. The don't feel like doing anything except sulking mood, the just wanna sleep in and watch tv mood, the wanna slack and let my ass grow bigger than it already is mood. YUCK! This sucks! Monday's the hardest to get over. Everything just shucks!! I hate this world, for making me work on Monday. This is madness!

And yes, I'm in a bad mood and I wonder how long it will last. Nothing to do in the office is not helping this foul screwed up mood of mine. I just wanna stay home and read my book, is it that hard? Hate Mondays, I hate Mondays. Then again, I was taught how to look on the bright side of things. Like luckily, no class tonight or else my mood will turn from blue to black.

And finally finally… I FEEL FAT!! YUCKS! Those ugly hips and thighs of mine…. Yes yes, the is result and punishment for being a glutton the past 2 weeks or more. ARGGGG!!! Having serious Monday blues and seeing a fat ass and thigh doesn't help !! =( SOBSSSS. I m a sad sad girl. I wanna scream, I wanna tear something, throw some stuff and suck out all the fats in me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wan to sleep more……. Sobs. I hate Mondays. Seriously.

It's been such a long time since I blog and since I'm getting more and more efficient at work,, doing things faster and faster, giving myself so much free time, I've decided I'm going to blog in the office. It's pretty daring, since it's like morning and I'm sure everyone is rushing their work. Maybe if I blog in the evening not so bad, big boss gone and everyone relax, with music around. =)

Life has been pretty carefree after my night classes stop. I get to meet tt full of shit boy of mine like almost everyday. Sometimes I feel, life can be that simple and contented. Why bother to think so far ahead and worry all that might or might not happen? Why not just enjoy this moment. Everyone is happy at this moment and everyone is contented. Why not let it stay this way and stop causing trouble for people and for myself and just stay happy.

Seriously, I wish I could do it. I can, I'm almost there. But this stupid bug call insecurity keeps biting my heart. It's not things that people do, it's me. (what's new) when things go so well, I'm afraid it might end. When I'm happy, I worry this happiness is false and that it will end soon too. This bug is stopping me from seeking happiness beyond. I'm happy now but somehow I feel I can go further. I can be so much happier with I throw my worries one side. This is wad I seek.

Somehow, going to church and on every Sunday, I feel I'm closer to this real happiness I seek. It's a feeling beyond description but I know I truly cast everything aside and accept this happiness into me. I hope this is a good sign because I hope to keep this feeling there not only on Sundays but it can be spread over to everyday of the week. Haha.. but Monday can never be good. With Monday blues, nothing is going to make me happy and motivate.

I love that boy of mine and when he misunderstands or misinterprets me, I get real upset and hurt. Feels that he don’t understand. But God gave him to me to teach me how to love. You love someone not only when that person is sweet loving, mild tempered, reasonable and all. When you love someone, you love the person even when he is in a bad temper, no longer the sweet and loving person, when that person is ugly, ill mannered, you still love that person. You don't walk out on the person when that person is in distress and irritating everyone around him including you. That shows you cannot face this trauma with him, to leave him alone and all. That's wad makes love so beautiful. When a person's down, he feels most insecure during tt period of time, to walk out on him is the last thing you do to someone u claim to love.

I've got lots to learn but I'm willing to, for the one I love.

i m so freaking going to fail my paper... but i m darn scared. seriously.. it sucks man.. and i noe it's all my darn fault... i hate it i hate it.. and i hate waiting for results, knowing i will fail. i hate it !!!!!! and whining to people doesn't help..... cos i am still going to fail!!!! i seriously hate this feeling. YUCKS!

the more i read, the angrier i become. seriously, men who cheats on their wifes are just lowdown scumbags! and super big ones! they are nothing but jerks and dickheads who only think with the lower part of their bodies. suddenly, i wished i kept my dream as a lawyer. maybe now, i would want to fight for women whose husband cheated on them and i would like to help these women get more than half their husband's assets! i hate those men!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING MANS!!!!! I MEAN YOU HAVE A NICE WIFE AT HOME, WHOSE SOUL AND BODY ARE ALL YOURS. YOURS YOU KNOW, NO ONE ELSE!! maybe their bodies might not be that great.... naggy here..... irritating there... but at the end of the day, THIS WOMAN HERE BELONGS TO YOU!! YOU AND NO ONE ELSE!!! SO U THINK YOU GO TO SOMEWHERE FAR, HOOKED UP A LOCAL PROSTITUTE, JUST BECAUSE TT BITCH LOOK HOT AND YOU THINK NO ONE WILL FIND OUT?? U WILL BE FREE FROM GUILT???? WAD THE HELL. and that prostitute, does she belong to u?? is she urs??? NO!!!!!!! SHE BELONGS TO 365 MEN.... OR TWICE OR THRICE.. COS EVERY NIGHT ONE!!!!!!!!

seriously.... i m really very angry with these men. what's their problem!! why do some men just think with their lower part of their bodies! why why why... seriously, when a woman settle down and get married.. they are really giving everything to the guy they love. everything. and do the guys reciprocate??? what are they thinking???? so tt means wedding vows only apply to women, not to men??? how.. how could they bear to break this bond?? i seriously dun understand.

and further more, wad's the lowest scum of all is, get their happy one night stand, and go back to their wife. tt's like freaking hell dirty la!!!!! i mean if ur wife go get hooked by some guy..... u are fine?? u think tt's clean??? goshh... something soo sacred.. how could u share with everyone???

ARGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate men who cheat on their wives!! they should all be punished!! I HATE THEM!!!!

seriously.. from my point of view. .a successful man is not only one with wealth and career. he needs to ve balanced family life.. and a successful man is one who's strong enough to withstand temptations and remain faithful to the one they vow to love in front of God.

a nice home cook meal plus a silly boyfriend, plus friend whom i coincidentally met few blocks away from my house who pass me an appointment card and even volunteer to buy me supper, life seemed so peaceful and perfect now. all after a hard day's work.

work is really sucky now. i bit my lip, grit my teeth and pull through it every day. but with days like today, i think all is worth it. =)

nothing much to say. i m in love with the song... =) in love in love in love.....

i want to go australia!!!!!

sorry for the late updates! hahahha... lots of things happened last week, like the extreme fatigue i experienced daily, therefore i dun come online that often and of course there's the weekend getaway on cruise. nice time i spent. wished i could stay longer.. like sleep longer. ahhha, play longer, EAT MORE, drink more, get high, since my bf is around but too tired to even get high and have money for casino. just maybe one two rounds to try try. wanted to upload pictures for the cruise.. but i cannot seem to receive any pictures. amelia amelia amelia.. WHERE's MY PICTURESS?

so ya, after back frm the cruise, went back to work... and there's a public holiday like today, i realised my work place is really sucky. ultimately. maybe one of the factor is that i really want to spend more time sleeping, yes.. call me lazy. also maybe i wanna spend more time with baby but then again, it's that place that has problem, seriously. ahhaha.. went up with ex collegues and both of us realised how much i changed. my opinions towards the place and all. it's seriously the place. which explains why everyone wanna leave. it's the place.

everyone count down for me mans.... for the end of work tt's due on 27th june. i want to spend more time with my baby. before he goes army.....

dunno why, really wanna go hard rock cafe.. never been there before

STORY OF MY LIFE SUCKS! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE IT! I'M ALWAYS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I DO THIS ALSO WRONG, I DO THAT ALSO WRONG. ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IS SAY SAY SAY, YOU NEVER APPLY. GOSH..... YOU MUST HATE ME REAL BAD. YOU MIGHT AS WELL WISH I M DEAD. THEN NOBODY WILL GET HYPERTENSION. YOU MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL AND I MAKE URS BOIL DEN DUN TOK. I HATE MY LIFE I HATE IT SO MUCH I WANT TO END IT. NOTHING EVER SEEMS GOOD. I M JUST A SPOILED BRAT TO YOU. ONE THAT SPENDS WITHOUT THINKING. WAD DO U KNOW WAD U DO U KNOW!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING!!!!!! I ALREADY TRY!! NO ONE EVER SEE ME TRYING. NO ONE! I HATE YOU. HATE ME LA HATE ME. I DUN CARE

I HATE MY LIFE SO BADLY. I WISH I AM DEAD. DUN CARE DUN CARE. NO ONE SEE ME FOR ME. EVERYONE JUST WAN ME DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREAK OFF. I M SO TIRED OF THIS SO CALLED SHIT CALL LIFE.

UIFGWEILHFLKJHDSFKLHKLAF QEOUHR08QHRFIOEWHR09Y1380RHYQ30HF0IWDCOHN XCBNDSBN FOEFIU SJFQIOIOASJOPJRI19481290473758943756983469824759072359823507325-786V94280YT8 Y4V9U3RHGIOHEPOHGRWQOHGPEHOQ

i guess it really feels good to manipulate the hearts of men. men are pretty easy to understand generally. at the end of the day, there are type A who are greedy, ambitious and will take any chances that are advantageous to them. there are also type B who are scared, are cautious and will rather take anything less risky. of course there's type A part 1 and 2. and also type B part one and two. just different types of type. haha.. if you know what i mean. at the end of the day, it's just these two types. not difficult to manipulate yea?

of course, being the one who's manipulated does not feel good at all. but then again, when one party gains the pleasure, the other usually don't.

it's that easy.

everything in life is THAT easy, either u are lucky or u are not. either u are the manipulator or you are not. either u have wad it takes or not. everything could be controlled. by ur ability, by ur luck. everything except love.

love cannot be manipulate, love cannot be controlled. love talks about giving and taking, balancing. therefore, it's not easy at all.

i'm diagnosed infection of the intestines. have no idea what that means but i guess should mean the same as food poisioning. feeling soo miserable last night, throwing up and diarrhea. and they always happen one after another, for a moment, i really tot i should sleep near the toilet to avoid too much walking in and out, cos it's soo tiring.

slight fever, which seem to go on and off. wind in the stomach. i need to lie down 24/7 mans. cos i feel quite weak. and mummy is irritating throughout this period!

i've got another day mc tmr.... i want to take it.. but feel ps to call office. i think they will want to kill me. i thought i will be fine by tmr. apparently not.

SICK.

my poor boy too. should really watch wad we eat in the future. i got mini phoebia of eating already.

and yes sandra!! it's soo qiao to meet u there. it's more surprising for me to see u there cos i stay in the area.... u dun! ahahaha..... before i went holy trinity tt morning, i thought i would see u in church.. but who knows, we met at petrol kiosk instead. HAHA..

temporary. this is all i can do with the little time on hand. can i hire someone as professional as C _ _ R _ L to do up a blog for me? =(

i like to know things that other people don't know.
i like to share things with others what they don't know.

maybe i really was that spoilt, bad tempered brat, who places no one else but herself first, self centred, selfish, never really care what others think, only those few selcted ones that she like then she care more.

but i know i am not like that now. people who know me see the change, people who care for me, can feel it. and people who watched me grow, would have noticed. God will know. because he's part of the reason why i changed. and most

now, randomly, i was thinking to myself. how did she know the relationship was blend. how did she judge. why did she think he treated her well because he was used to it. why did she think she wasn't the most important person to him anymore. how?

issit true that relationships cannot be tested by time.. cos most ended up blend. people can date ten years and only found out not suitable half a year into marriage. why like tt? the line between used to it and love is soo thin. how would i know how to judge. it will be saddening to leave after ten years.. but why would anyone want to stay in a r/s tt gone blend.

will it ever be like that?

anyway, thanks Joel for fixing my blog for me. and those cute hearts. was wondering since when the pink hearts turn grey.... haha

HELP!!! WHY MY BLOG LIKE THAT

yes, marraige is a wonderful thing. i agree with wad angel say. and wah.. wad a long long tag. i totally feel the same way about two persons getting together and eventually making the vow of love. the one that gives love a higher level, with committment and also, the promise of loving each other in diff times and happy times. and best of all, when u bear the fruits of ur love. beautilful...... i wish every of my friends out there will find true love. cos i'll be weeping for u girls. serious. love can be so beautiful... really.

and this is so unlike wad the 9pm show portray. haha.. but maybe that is then the reality. marriage might not be so pretty.. but i choose to believe. wad can be more beautiful then spending ur life with the one you love and the one who loves you.

okok..... back to my life... 1 down. 2 more to go. sick. tired..... and more sick.

my dear amelia... give me dates for cruise.. and preferably.... fridays... fri. sat and sun. and on top of that, wad time is the boarding of cruise usuallly..

i believe everything happens for a reason and some things didn't happen, also for a reason. i believe that things are all meant to be, so no matter how hard you try or fight for it, if it's not meant to be yours, it will never be. that's why i believe in sign, i believe that they are the link that help us connect the whole bigger picture.

gradually, i started to believe every little thing is a sign. i believe signs more than anything else... and that's where my negativity comes in. like the sky is dark this morning, and then i will think it's related to my mood or to the day that's going to come. and if the day really does go bad, i will think i am right. little did i realise is because i have such thoughts, that's why my day went bad, cos sub consciously, i'm already thinking the day would be bad. yes.. this i begin to understand i realise.

and when i cannot keep things under my control, i panic, i worry i get insecure. this is all part of negativity and i do realise it. this is a good sign because if i realised it, then i can change.... if i dun even know where the problem lies in, i can't do anything about it at all, right?

don't know why but after watching spiderman today, had lots of thoughts and feelings. like about responsibilities, about character.. about vengence, about forgiveness and abt relationships. like being together doesn't mean you are ready to be together. now i know why God created a man and a woman meant for each other only. like there's only one soul mate only. cos that's the soul mate that's gg to accompany you forever, to understand you like no one could, to compliment you, making you feel best like no one could, to pick you up when you are down and to share your joy when you're way on top. and to accomplish all these, to have all these traits, it's only that ONE soul mate. that is why when you found someone u love and feel that it's ur soul mate, do cherish it. he or she might be that one. and u wun want to lose him or her.

i am starting to believe more in these. and also about understanding and forgiveness..... is this God's works? I know he has already taken some place in my heart..... and i'm ready for more.

i wanna buy cushion!!! lamp!!! cD!!!!! random thoughts...

my love for salt this morning has caused me to choke on it and ended with a itchy throat.

woke up at 7am to study and picked a few question, skipped the difficult ones and leave it to the hands of fate. kinda quite happy that i finally figured out the lump sum and per unit thing so i slept at one. guess being with my boy for quite some time, i got a little influenced. i can no longer sleep that late... gets very tired everytime around 12 plus one. sometimes even 11 plus.

who's the person we should symphatise with at this time of my life? ahaha.. i just realised it's mummy. ever since i started working and needs to wake up at 7. she wakes up with me just to prepare breakfast for me. so far, her track record is she dun go to bed till i leave the hse... except once. after preparing breakfast, she directly hit the bed once again. otherwise, she always watch tv.. until i close the door. dunn wad she do after that. and also, last night, i thought i wan to burn some oil, asked her to cook supper for me.... she cooked instant porridge and i ate one bowl.. figured out my per unit stuff and told her i m tired and i wan to sleep. ahaha.. dunno wad she do with the rest of the porridge. and this morning, she cooked breakfast for me. with dishes and all.

i think ever since i shifted home, the most times she cooked will be those before exams. ahahha.. i THINK i dun recall a time when i went to examination hall hungry and all. always well fed. ahahha.... so yes.. let's give some applause to my mum. and ideas for mummy's day! haha.... want to show her some appreciation without the usual gems and flowers. so cliche already.... ahahha

on another issue, just wanted to say i never thought things would ever become like that. when i receive the msg this morning, felt quite sad. but since things have already come to like that, i will just take it as it comes. maybe some things will change in the future? i dunno but i certianly hope so. i dun want to noe where the problem lies in.. or where did it started. those seemed not impt anymore.. cos at this point... things are already not the same. it's a fact already.

haha.. many many foiled chocs.. i like i like. love it when u girls have a mini convo. why? cos every entry i read down, it makes me smile, laugh. and curious... wad's with the cel thing?? something to do with her ex-s? hmmm.. or her taste? we both know it's her taste tt's gone all wrong! ahahha.... now, being mean dun sound like pumpkin already right?

after all the sweet lovey-dovey period.... it's down to earth and the first thing that greet me on earth is this. i thought i was being genuine and people who knoes me should know i am genuine. maybe my sincerity is not enough? being frank and open leads to misunderstandings after misunderstandings? maybe being so used to my girlfriends, i talk without thinking cos i noe they would understand. i guess.. this is not how the way we be genuine? maybe.. we should never have start this frank.

yes.. promise not to think about it already, yes yes.. think of bridging.... ECONS ECONS ECONS.

apart from that... work is going on real fine these days. getting the hang of it. paywise is good too. if not, 1/3 of it goes to baby.. it will be best!

i think i'm going to get this after all, if singapore really have. baby claims singapore have.... but i still prefer the other!!!

if singapore really have, like wad baby claims, then this is my first month pay reward. =) not as pretty as the one before but ok lor. settle for second best. haha..

it's gg to be a tough 3 weeks ahead. first sat.. i've my econs paper. second sat, my theory exam, organ theory... not car, then third sat, is ta paper. dun even noe why i taking it... but ya. haha.... 3 weeks of hard work. den after that, myabe cruise.. HOR AMELIA??? den since baby cannot go o holiday anymore, myabe go for some chalet. i WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN. trust me. anything's possible when we have the cash. right, baby....

told mummy i started gg churh. quite surprised she accepted it pretty quickly. =) her worries and questions and concerns happen to be mine too... which i will explore.. then answer her one by one.

due to angel's special request, i shall let in a little about my pre celebration yesterday. went aglio olio. the place is even better after the renovation and the food is goood. baby think soo too. he judges the place by their steak. i ate linguine vongule. SUPERB. haha.. and their sepcial brownie.... ahahah.. damn cool. got to try it mans. anyway... the couple beside us are actually on a blind date! half the time when baby and i are toking, we are actually listening in on their convo. i think it's damn funny la.....

after which, baby bought me this chocolates, tt looks too good to be eaten. chocos might not be my cup of tea. only angel's and baby's cup of tea... but i will eat those chocs.

it's gg to be a good week. i just noe it.

I LIKE!!! BUT SINGAPORE DON'T HAVE... =/

when i logged onto my blog and saw three foiled chocs, i thought angel and amelia having a mini convo again but ta-da... i see my sweet baby's message too. =)

haha.... seriously, we're over the honeymoon phase aren't we? so why do i still feel so blissed just to have u by my side and to meet you a few hours at night? actually time passes so fast, before we noe it, we're enjoying each other's company during the weekends again. monday blues... grumble.. and den weekends... ahaha.. a v short cycle. but seriously.... it makes everything feel better just to have my little breaks here and there.. and those are the days tt i get to meet u.

okok.... i m feeling very xin fu. so pardon me.

thanks ALL of you, once again, i bring a smile to bed. =) baby thank all of u all.. angel thank him back.. ahaha.. but I THANK ALL OF U GUYS!!!! U GUYS MADE MY LIFE CLOSE TO COMPLETENESS! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

date me out for lunch.... please

tired and all when i reached home but seeing the sunflower made me smile once more. life can actually be beautiful especially when there are things around you to remind u that someone out there cares or better still, people who reminds u they care.

take for instant friday, looking forward to lunching with jie. and sat, looking forward to spending a good time with my baby. i know we will. haha.. ever since we learnt that time is precious for the both of us, and we realyl cherish every min spent together... ahhhaha.. i hope he feels this way too. or issit just me?

all will be fine. =) even with the stupid ultra pain papercut i have.

thanks angel dearie for the flowers. they totally made my day! =) i love u!!! muacks muacks!!! i dun think nicky flavoured kiss suit u. so i give u leona's!

weekends just come and go again. seriously, this time round, it's really very fast. was it cause time spent with the boy always seem to go by so quickly, that's why my weekends seem so short. seriously, one weekend is not enough to cover weekdays of not meeting. i m missing him already.

i really think what happened the past week certainly make us know what we want in the future and also how much we meant to each other. and most importantly, how much u value and cherish me. i suddenly realised i pale in comparison but then, i feel much happier. i feel closer to you and i also think i can love u more and more. this feels totally amazing.... it seemed that our r/s is brought to a higher level already and right now, i'm exploring this level. so far, i'm liking everything about it.

let's do this together. =)

i'm pretty loved after all... thanks nu peng you. ahaha.. so funny, u read from here and u left me a testimonial. nonetheless... it makes me feel loved and cared for! no matter issit a simple tag or a testimonial.... i am happy.

leona's been a happy girl since thurs. wierd.. there i was grumbling on wed night and when i reached work place on thurs, i brightened up immediately. cos tt guy is back and he recovered! woah.. relief relief, first time i'm so happy to see him. to think i was cursing at him under my breath every now and then from mon to wed. but finally, work load seemed lighter. everything seemed better, in a way. and they even let me off early, like i could finally see sunset while walking out of the building and not moonlight all the time. best thing is i could meet my baby for a short while. though it was short, and he was playing his games, it just feels goood. seriously.

haven't really had a proper meet up with baby since mon. and mon's not a good day for both of us. i dun wanna go into it anymore. but i promise all will be better. =) i'm pretty positive on this one. i m missing him though i would be able to see him tmr..... ahahaha

i have a eye candy in office and baby's jealous!!! but please.. the eye candy is this woman. let's see.. she look like she's in early twenties.. maybe older than me by wad.. 3 to 4 years. sh'e drop dead gorgeous. wadever she wears looks good. her sharp nose, her mouth and bug eyes, her beautiful hair. ahahaha.. she really very pretty!! i jealous.... maybe i should seriously consider dying my hair.

i dream of a holiday and i hope it will be a dream come true!! all for hard work. =) but in short run, i just wanna see tt silly boy of mine, who's tired 24/7 and this explains why i'm online nw and he's sleeping already.

all will be well.. i noe it will be. cos with u, i'm already stronger.

pre warning, this is going to be a real whiny entry.. crosss this if u dun think u wanna read it.

if my life right now can be desribed as a plant, then i think i am withering. i wun die but there will be no bloom for me for the next few months coming up. i won't say time passes slowly cos it doesn't. seriously, i know before i know it, the 3 months is up. but i cannot begin to describe the pile of work that has to be done. my mentor is finally leaving today.. and den suddenly lots of things became my charge, things i know how to do, that's alright. things i do once only.. tt's errr.. i can try to figure my way out and also things i never do before like wad.. match bloomberg tics to wad....trade confos....? and wad??? i dunno.... had gastric tonight and it didn't get any better after i ate the cup noodles that i bought. my sotmach still hurts. my life is not the least bit healthy right nw.... wad with sitting in front of my desk, with my freaking ass growing bigger and late night dinners... and now worse, leading to gastric. i will be frail and brittle... and whithery... i dunno how to explain but i really feel like dying. i need nutrients... of love of concern of attention. i dun like working....... i dun like. i dun like i dun like. going back daily to a pile of docs, like that i rather i'm the one who fell ill and admitted to the hospital instead. it's tough covering two persons' job. seriously... no good lunch or nice colleagues can help. even with me trying to keep an optimistic self, refuses to go through this. i'm not born to be optimistic. so i try to be...... and this is the limit of someone who's only trying and learning.

YEAH!!!! GO AHEAD PEOPLE WHO READS THIS AND THINK I M WEAK. I AM!!!! SO WHAT!!!! NOBDY LOVES ME!!! NOBODY CARES!!!

being on the more rational side.... and this is for those who actually bother about poor dying leona, i know i will be a stronger person once i get through this. not only that, i would have made myself a not too bad resume to start things off with and also, money for licence as well as in cpf. and even this resume might not mean anything, i know what i've gained and tt's experience no money can buy. things will be fine. i know. i'll take things as they come. i guess i still have my moral support here and there. and somehow as a person who believes in signs, i know i'm being put in this for some reason and that is to make me stronger and to make me see clearer picture of wad's install for me in the future. no one said life is going to be easy..... but i guess right now, for poor poor me, support is important. utmost important. like an sms, esp at night makes things a whole lot of difference. or like calling my baby and he.aring his voice, although he dun tok much... tt makes me feel quite....

i guess he's right. or rather, everyone's right. i do think too much and always of things tt hasn't happen. and tt causes alot of unnecessary unhappiness. like i said, i put ur happiness before me and i think the only way for u to give me a perfect ten is that i stop thinking negatively.

but i question.. when i really can stop thinking negatively, what happens when my trust is broken, when lies are discovered, when all tt i believe in is actually air? i really cannot bear to put myself through the pain all over again. of trusting and then someone breaking of tt trust. i noe it will be too painful to even bear....

then again... this will not happen. this will not happen. i'll do my best, i'll be the best. at least to myself, i noe i tried, i noe i wasn't the cause of anything. i guess tt will be ok already. even if negative things were to happen in the future, i noe i was my best self and that things happen for a reason.

everything does.

okok.... pain pain go away....

still hurting

one big roller coaster ride for me this weekend till now in fact.. but i know or rather i hope things will become smoother.

i know if it was a choice, his power would certainly overpower mine. i know i have no right to stop people from making their choice. i know my importance. i know i might be a slight obstruction cos of my importance. i know i'm not being really nice right now. i know it might lead to strain. all these i know.

but all these are struggles i go through. call me scared, call me insecured and i will admit all of these. i'm afraid to lose u.... yet i dun deny i want to feel connected. just not the way everyone's pacing me. i sae i need time... and i really do and i wan my baby to be beside me, walking my pace.. and both of us together. it means alot to me..... i dun wanna feel abandoned.

i want to be with u.. very much and i wan us to walk through this together.. side my side. tt's wad i thought after these few days of turmoil..... haha.. all my worries and fears. tt i will lose my baby.

but i noe i wun..... =)

i don't know where this inferiority come from suddenly. from my stupid bird brain i think. but... looking at all the pasts and the present, comparing and all.... this inferiority crept into me. =/

woke up early in the morning to do homework. feel so unprepared. dun even know how am i going to take the paper on the 28th. i want to do well. but issit possible with so little time on hand. of course, i know it's all down to time management. yes, time management.

was watching tv this morning. everytime i come across shows losing loved ones, i always feel a pain in my chest. and i cannot help but tear. i have not experienced really losing a loved one yet but yet, i can feel the pain in me already. what's going to happen when i really do? the pain would be ten times as painful, ten times as excruciating, i bet. looking at such stuff, i feel that feelings of jealousy, insecurity and anger seemed so small in comparison. they seemed so minor. they seemed so unimportant. why bother to let jealousy get in your way or insecurity sour the relationship and even anger cloud your vision or make you say things you dun mean it. when all these negativity will go only cause u to hurt ur loved ones when they are still living. what's going to happen when the leave us? won't jealousy, insecurity and anger just makes u regret that u did not love them more, u did not appreciate them and that's when tears wun even revive them and that all that could be done is left as a regret.

so when they are still living and categorised as loved ones, we love them like they should be love, tell them how much we appreciate them, let them know u care and that u treasure what kind of r/s u guys are sharing. cos there might never be a tmr or next time. what's important is always now.

ever since quite some time ago, trust is something i find it hard to have. and i know trust is a rather important thing as a person who wants to communicate better with people around. and this problem is always getting in my way, always letting people misinterpret, misunderstand me. and most importantly, hurt those around me. but would my trust be broken again? i dunno if i can ever take anotehr blow. but i guess in life, we're always taking the risks, aren't we?

but i'm still scared i guess. ultimately, i'm still the small little me inside.

was watching another show. it says about i modern days, divorce cases is getting more and more. okok.. we all noe it's the norm. but they question, issit cos temptations outside is increasing? or issit cos there's not much understanding of each other before they enter marraige, issit the lack of communications? what exactly it is? will i ever get answer. sometimes, trying to build relationships between people can be tough. cos wad's right or wad's wrong is not decided by only one party.

hahaha.. random thoughts from watching too much tv. got to go get ready for classes and shopping later!

i'm a happy girl today. genuinely happy despite the sucky work i have. seriously, after 7 days of work, i realised that work is either for males and females who are single or females whose boyfriends are in the army. ahaha.... seriously, no attached guys' gfs can stand it. girls will always be girls. unless the girls themselves hanky panky outside. then of course they dun mind their bfs slogging their guys out to make money for them to spend. but ya.... work is that bad. mainly cos baby gets to finish at 5:30!!! and i dun!!!

nonetheless.. i m happy today. despite a few hiccups. but i'm happy. =) happy with a spained lg. but still overall happy. =)

why oh why did this weekend pass so quickly?? i didn't even have 2 proper days of holidays!!!! like half of sat was taken up by bridging econs class already... so why oh why did one and a half days of holidays pass so quickly!!! it pass soo much quicker than 3 days of work. these one and a half days pass by like 3 hous of the 3 days at work.

now i knoe why people got monday blues!! i am gg to be soo blue tmr and it really doesn't help knowing i'm supposed to spend the entrie day with my baby tmr. my babbbyyy my babbbby.. i dun want to work. dun wan to work dun want to work. leona is gg to turn blue tmr.. turn blue tmr.. PLEASE GIVE ME GOOD FRIDAY HOLIDAY GOD.. oh PLEASE!!!!

ahahahha. all this hard work.. for my car licence... and that new phone.....

OH anyway.. i hope my boy likes wadever i gave him..... and enjoy himself today. may i be able to celebrate ur many many mnay birthdays coming down your way.

today marks the end of the end of march and a hectic april to come along. i would be taking my bridging econs paper in april, my grade 7 theory exam and my work tt ends standardly at 8, not to mention, if the staff leaves soon in less than a month, i seriously don't know what time i can leave workplace.

now now now, what have i landed myself into. wad kind a job is this. first, i thought the pay was good but then again, they fully utilised me and squeezed me dry. hahaha.... actually work is not that bad lah, it's just staying back late, depriving me of my boy. i miss dating!!! i miss spending time with him.. but luckily, he found a job too. so at least i feel better knowing both of us are working hard. me working hard towards my driving licence and that new phone!!!

so as much as i wanna quit badly.. i cannot. and no one approves of me quitting too. the saying goes, wadever cannot breaks u makes u stronger. i'm sure i will gain some knowledge after i leave the place as well as experience in the backroom. =)

but for now, work sux! =/ tiring.. and i miss my boy!

i suddenly miss one old part of me. the craziness... i recall many people wrote in my autograph book for me like... u are crazy, fun-loving... ahaha.. and cute. yes yes, the last part is cute. but maybe they actually meant act cute? i admit it might be act cute lor... but i got so natural at doing it.. i dun even noe when i m not. anyway, nobody hates me for that wad. i didn't make enemies for that wad, or did i? but nonetheless, i still have one whole bunch of friends who dun mind the act cute part. isn't tt right?

that was in the past.

now... i lost the craziness in me i guess.. issit the age? or have i become more mature.. like learn to deal with things in a mature way. like i kind of sober up? is that the word to use.. hopefully, readers would understand wad i mean.. but the craziness and the dun care about anything, just do and then laugh it off.. that part of me is gone. i want to find it back.. simple just laugh at every single thing.. just laugh and laugh and laugh...... ahhahha.. now this is wad i call life, ain't it?

now i get conscious of everything. i care about how i beave.. how i look.. wad about the part of living freely and most importantly, happily. i like the old leona.. the laugh until dunno wad she laughing at leona. the one whose laughter will infect others as well.. the one who's crazy and silly.. and yes.. act cute!

issit really the age? or i've changed.

anyway, it will be a good transition and a good start for me soon. some identity crisis i have here?? no.. i just want to find a way to live happier. quote from nupengyou: a positive mindset is crucial if you wana be happy. tt's absolutely true.

i should be contented and blessed to have someone who loves me so dearly by my side. to have fmaily whom i treat shabily yet still so much concern and of course friends who never fail to remind me their warmth and existence.

so.. everything is just going to be fine. what's the worst thing tt can happpen. right???

pray for me my dear friends tt it's gg to be a good day tmr.

i found a job! and it's pretty fast. wondering if i made a rash decision... went for interview today and then they confirmed me today. it's a 3 months contract. so no leaving till after 3 months. i do hope it will pass by quickly. pretty nervous at the same time anticipating and dreading it. anticipating cos i cannot wait to work... earn that cash! puting time to good use. dreading it cos of 1001 reasons:

- no pretty forml clothes to wear
- long hours
- anti-socialness
- i m so gg to miss my boy

ok.. the last one was uncalled for.. but i guess we cannot meet up as often as we used to now. tt saddens me... i m already soo used to him... how mans. but apparently, it's only on my side. tt boy doesn't seem much affected. hahaha.... i guess i like that part about him

sometimes.. small surprises can bring much happiness. it's been so long since i was last surprised

it's been such a studious week. busy studying for the silly cfp and then took the exam which was so impossibly foreign and super mentally challenging. in a way, i'm glad that i didn't study that hard for it cos apparently if i studied that hard, the paper would ve seem impossibly difficult as well. is this the standard of professional associates? oh well.....

think i will fail my silly bridging econs. i cannot draw for nuts! and she had to say in econs, we use graphs to answer and to explain. but it's ok. i still ve time to brush up my curves!!! art sux and i thought so 4 years ago too

i'm feeling pretty contented at this point of time... like lots of icing on my cake.... all i need is a cherryyy.... and also ma la. i'm having this huge craving for steamboat again. again and again. think i can eat steamboat almost everyday

just found a relatively adorable picture. one tt cheers me up almost instanteneously

after going through everything this whole week, the ups and downs, i realised i don't want to lose you at all. there's so many things in my bedroom that reminds me of you.. the frame, the pictures, the rose, the card and most importantly, the bears. these are not something that can be easily removed or forgotten and same goes for all the memories we share.

these are visual memories, and there's also those other memories in the head type. every single thing u did for me.. every single thing you didn't do. but i'm not perfect as well. i'm sure inside u must be thinking there are things that i did or did not do. sensitive over areas tt didn't require and insensitive to how u might have felt.

but putting these all aside, let's put ourselves to the test, keeping in mind wad's to be done better and wad's not to be done. maybe it's all on my part... but i wan to give it a shot. i wan to give it my best shot.

nobody say we cannot pull ourselves up after we fall. no one say we have to continuosly wear guards to protect ourselves in case we fall. and instead of removing the guard after some time, we wear more and more. nobody say tt falling is definitely avoidable but learning how to stand up and be strong is one big lesson in life. nobody sae, shadow has to follow u for life... there's always the light out there.

gf told me that one live happier and longer with a positive mindset. longer i dun care.. but i wan to be happier. i wan to find the leona i used to knoe and not see someone i dun like and dun even recognise in the mirror every morning, getting uglier and uglier....

this is my life. a pledge. hahaha....

Artist: Def Leppard
Song: Two Steps Behind
Album: Retro Active

Walk away, if you want to,
it's ok, if you need to.
(a) You can run, but you can never hide.
You see my shadow come creepin¹ up inside you.

(PRE-CHORUS)
There's a magic runnin¹ through your soul
But you can't have it all
Whatever you do...

(CHORUS)
I'll be two steps behind you.
(Wherever you go...)
And I'll be there to remind you
(a) that it only takes a minute of your precious time to turn around.
I'll be two steps behind.

Take the time and think about it.
Walk the line, you just can't fight it.
Look around and see what you can find.
Like a fire that's burning up inside me.

Yeah, turn around, I¹ll be two steps behind.
Yeah, turn around, I¹ll be...
(Two steps behind.)
I¹ll be two steps behind you.
(Two steps behind.)
And I¹ll be there to remind you.
(Two steps behind.)
Yeah, oh, yeah.
(Two steps behind.)
Yeah, oh, yeah.)
(Two steps behind.)
Two steps behind.
(Two steps behind.)
Yeah, oh, yeah.
(Two steps behind.)
Yeah, oh, yeah.
(Two steps behind.)
Two steps behind.
(Two steps behind.)

i simply cannot resist the temptation of a McChicken. and to make myself feel better, i ordered plain but tt does not reduce the sin of burger at 2330!

i m feeling tired and lazy. think i will skip gym tmr since i went today. feel like giving myself a reward tmr morning.. but why should i reward myself.. hahahaha. i dunno.

there are always two sides to a coin, two sides to a story and two general types of people.

i like:

1. people who can help me
2. people who i can help

but there must be a third type of people. cos they are people i don't like.

somethings on tv shows really reflect life. how we deal with people around us, how we treat them, how we deal with people's feelings and the relationship involved and of course what are the consequences. i guess sometimes in life, we might already know what are the consequences when we do some stuff. even if we know that the consequences turn out bad, why do we still do it in the first place? tt's cos we are always selfish. in one way or another, we're always thinking of ourselves.

ok.. i'm toking abt myself. i'm one big selfish person. and everyday... i never fail to realise it.

anyway, i realised no matter how many times i watch this show, the feeling i get out of it is always the same. cannot remember the last time i watch, was i single or already with nic. but no matter wad... i hope i will not bear the consequences.

working hard for my future. planning and sacrifice seem absolutely necessary

even on a ordinary day, on a simple day, i feel blissful. i like:

- they way you hold my hand on the bus and tighten your grip when the bus jerk
- the way you always look back and hold your hand out for me if i lagged behind
- they way u didn't like pa, but accomodate to me cos u noe i like it
- the way u look at me and laugh at my silliness
- the way you always show me ur fist if i say something stupid. stupid not to me, but to you.

it's just an ordinary day. but u brought me out into the light. with u knocking sense into me, literally. you untie the knot in me in a miraculous way that you dun even know you did. but i feel so much better from everything esle that happened before today. thanks for being understanding and being there. thank god for you.

i guess this personal diary is for life.... haha.

after prom, i'm feeling not too bad. it's not exactly a bad prom, just not as good as ij's. it's a not too goood, but not so bad prom. okok.... it's getting late, some of my words are getting repetitive.

i'm feelin satisfied with my curent life, really i m. i ought to be happy. but somewhere, somehow, i feel like i've lost something. i dun feel complete. i don't know what issit that's missing but i know, i m not as happy as before, or how i actually should be. i suddenly feel like i lost all connectivity. with people, with things around me.

suddenly out of nowhere, i recalled the game angel and mortal. it feels good to have an angel ain it. someone who watches u and protect u withou u knowing and making sure u are happy every single day. angel dearie.. were u my angel last time..... i tot i remembered u.

rugged and the elegant

i kind of really like this one

the guys

i prefer yan sitting down. otherwise, she's always sooo tall!

the final picture. everyone from our class who attended. no. of people in class: 16. no. of people atended: 10

oh well.. what can i say. i knew right before i started sem 2 that no matter how well i do this time round, my GPA's not gg to pull up to 3.4 or 3.5, though i have a 3.7 this time round and the previous time. i guess.. two times hard work cannot be compared to the previous 2 slackiness and another two totally heck care. now i knoe.. how terrible accumulative can be. =/

nonetheless.. finally i see dist. keep wondering why i dun have.. hahaha.... but it has to be for crap modules. so what if i can write my resume damn well or can go through interview damn well... NO ONE's HIRING ME! hahaa but finally dist and two summore! lalalala

i want to:

1. SLEEP IN! ever since the course started, my sleep has been terribly affected. i feel so tired everyday. and the worst thing is, the more i sleep, the more i want to sleep.
2. rent a whole series of sho to watch. but it seemed like such a lonely thing to do, especially things i watch, dear doesn't watch.
3. get a sweet and easy job. good pay, nice environment, most importantly suits my timing
4. feel pretty! be pretty! act pretty! stay pretty! all for the upcoming prom
5. nurse my sick boy back to good health

amelia.. hang in there. jia you!!! after wed.. everything would be goood!!! i promise!

i feel that i'm testing your patience at times, like trying to test my importance to you every single day. i'm getting tired of this person here. i don't want to do this, i feel so fugly sometimes.. i don't know what's wrong with me. I DUN LIKE MYSELF FOR DOING IT EVERY SINGLE DAY

SPACE SPACE SPACE!

hey girl, a chance was given to you. now it's time to wake up and start striving. without hard work, how's the beautiful painted picture going to come true.

i finally got a bb wallet!!!! it was one of the first things i have to get on my list after i got my first pay. wad first pay when i dun even have a job.. well, i plan ahead. mummy was out of the ordinary generous today. the day started unfruitfully (if there's such a word). was supposed to see some doc recommended by my aunt in the morning. got dragged out of the bed when i didn't sleep so early the night before. never mind, took a bus journey, boring never mind but long to serangoon. den when i reached the clinic, it was packed, sqeezed with people that some people even had to stand and there were many in the line waiting to register. never mind, queeue up. den when going to reach my turn, they say they cannot give out any more numbers for register already. they are gg to close soon. grrrr.... have to wake up tmr morning even earlier to go visit that doc. he or she better be good for the wait.

den was supposed to meet chin but she say everytime i say see how first means i dun wan so she PS ME!!!! CHIN PS ME!!!!!! i kept messaging her and calling her but she never reply or pick up my call. scared me.. thought wad happen to her. as u noe, her situation now, anything might happen. but in the end, when she called back, she told me she was working.

so mummy seized the opportunity since i'm nt gg out to drag me to shop for prom dress. wasn't keen to shop with her one... den ta-da... bought one dress with her. and shoes summore! thought i can wear my new year heels.. but she sae must match my dress better. think i spend alot of her money today.

dilema dilema dilema.....

i miss my lover!

he works in ways i cannot see but he always show me the way. he cannot remove the darkness for me as it was a trial i had to go through but he did show me the light everytime i'm in fear, anxieties and confusion. even when he knew i had to go through this and there's no way he can make it easy for me, he gave me comfort, he gave me light. he couldn't show me the end of darkness but he could send me strength and courage to carry on. he never forgets me, he never abandons me, every single time i'm in distress but each time i get over, he made sure i learnt something. in the past, it was things that i didn't do. he made sure i knew how to cope better in the future. now, it's things that i cannot do, he made sure he let me know there's always a way out. i won't say it's a miracle but he's been very kind to me all this while, watching me grow.

as i walk out of this, i teared and said my thanks. although a part of me knows that this might not be totally gone till a certain confirmation, i know even if the results are not what i hoped, i learnt how to find courage and strength already. and this is the best lesson i learn thus far.

i finally realised why i cannot sleep early at night. i thought is because i m chatty, i want to talk on msn. i thought it was because i want to play games, play till wee hours. but i realised no. that's not the case at all. it's because i can't. when i lay in bed early, i tossed and turned maybe an hour? if lucky, lesser than that. basically, i can't sleep so early. my mind tend o wonder off. worrying about this, thinking about that. I think sooner or later, I will look older than my age and then gradually, i will look like a old hag. why can't my worries be cleared? why can't my anxieties be removed? sometimes i pray, and other times i cry. i don't know how long of this life can i stand anymore. how long can i tolerate all these anymore.

i don't know if it's all the thoughts, all the anxieties and problems stressing me up but the emotions cannot help but welled up inside me. i start to ponder and question. i'm so confused. still. i really need all the support i can get. i need pple to understand, to tolerate at this point of time. if not, i dunno what will happen. i might really collapse.

dear god..... pls give me an answer soon

may god be on our side through this... and i seriously need support now. not more troubles.

thanks for siding me, i wun ever let u down. tt's why.. it's more important that i settle stuff myself.

anyone free for coffee on fri evening?

it's the chinese new year, with new clothes and new wishes but why do i feel like even when the the day hasn't come and i'm pretty screwed up already? fear, disappointment, disorganised... everything is in a whirl.

finally... all done on my cny shopping. ended with a last pair of heels. personally like it alot. but mummy saes it's too mature for me.. so what should i be wearing?? nike dunks!!?? lol.. issit spelled this way.. anyway.. private joke. i've got everything on the last shopping list i made, except maybe a flops. am very satisfied already. since when can i almost complete my shopping list? but i did!! lalala.. am really happy!!!

just came back from a free movie-- dreamgirls. my first time watching a free show. the boy got it free from some competition.. he joined and won, probably due to lack of participation. not too bad a show, like a mini musical. quite long, i reckon. maybe cos i m not a fan for blacks movie. but beyonce has a really good figure. can't help but keep looking at her bod. something funny happened in the show.. but it's not as funny typed out. so ya.. shall only tell those who are interested.

bb is being really sweet and nice. thanks for everything. it feels as if with u around, i wun feel alone anymore. thanks for being so understanding. thanks alot. =) hugss

am really happy.. except that the fact tt my body feels a little wierd. like running out of batt. heavy head.. coughing.... headaches as well... and a tummyache. feels sick.. / but am still a happy happy girl!!!!

applications are always a chore. especially when someone like me lost copies of my result slips. things get even more mafan, cos have to call them and ask for it?? =/ life is so miserable now. and to think tmr is v day.

on a lighter note, i've bought most of my stuff.. now only left shoes.

just want to sae i'm very proud of you chin... =)

bought a dress today. sumhow i feel that it's rather retro. all these many years, i never ever wear something that i bought for the first day of new year often. some even worse.. wear once only. maybe this retro dress too... but i wanna wear more dresses for the upcoming year. dresssss.. =) not forgetting levi's. oh oh... need to invest in a good pair of heels too.

it's quite crap that the afp starts in march and it's in the morning. did they never consider that people might want to work fulltime??? like this.. my official starting day of work can only be in april.. wasted. might ve to reject quite a few jobs cos of that... =/

i want a driving license. but considering how much people spend not during the course of getting the license but rather the expenses after that. furthermore.. a car is nto as cheap as a bike. so where's the car coming from even after i get a license. neeed some planning. ask if daddy can buy for me.. if yes.. i iwll go take it now. if not.. den maybe wait a while more when i m financially more capable

love everything about my life right now.. except the finance issue.. and the roof. oh well..... looking forward to a nice year.

finally... levi's in my hands.. and so far top the list of most expensive jeans in my history. but all's worth it. love it!!!

finally got an organiser! can start writting down dates for important dates and events. =)

went shopping for clothes today. it can be so tough when u have a budget. can't wait to work and get more money den i can buy buy buy without budget!! i want tt levi's jeans very very much!!!! shopping again tmr. pray mummy's in a good mood and then that pair of levi's will be mine! la la la....

the word O-V-E-R never held more meaning to me now than any other time. i've graduated! 3 years of hard work and joyous moments ave finally came to an end. this is kind of like a conclusion section of a chapter but not the offical one yet. i would count grad ceremony the real offical one.. or issit grad night? but anyway, this marks somewhere at the end of my chapter and here i m going on to the transition period. a period before the new chapter begins. there will be confusion, that's for sure. there would be doubt, unsure... of how to begin the next chapter or what to anticipate. there will be doubt of how people may change, how i would change.. how i would transit out and start something new to me.

but anyway, it's over!!! i know all of u are congratulating me.. and smiling with me as u read this entry.. am really happy. i want to be happy all the way from now to chinese new year. i want to carry excitement while i wait for what lies ahead of me. clear the doubt. clear all the negativity. i want to bring out the best in me for this important period of my life!

ok.. i'm getting a little over. here's some thoughts: perfection seemed so harsh to me yet i still hold on to it all the time. i want perfection in my life. i dun wan anything that's less perfect. this is why perfection always adds pressure to me and everyone around me sometimes. it causes me unhapiness at times yet i still hold on to it. however, perfection seemed to change its scope of definition after a while. something that seems so perfect in the past looks like a mistake to me now. so what am i holding on to? perfection is so hard to grasp.. yet i still want to hold on to it.

i need that organiser sooon!!!

a list of splurges:

1. a pair of Levi's jeans
2. a good pair of heels
3. new flats would be good too
4. a nice dress
5. a nice top
6. a good mouse that won't spoil so fast
7. nice funky belt
8. nice handbag
9. new lipgloss, protective type

i thought i would have a long list.. apparently not.

yes.. i know i ought to be studying. but reading all those rules and regulations of my notes really bored me alot so that's why i decided to look around for nice skins and ta da.. i found this. new year new skin! =)

cannot wait for thurday to be over.. then can go eat goood foood den can come home and relax guiltfree-ly. i cannot wait. i need to do new year shopping. i want a new pair of levi's jeans but that silly mummy of mine sure wun allow one.... think i got to find some money to buy it.. most probably borrow. but i wan a nice pir of jeans that suit me. fit me.. fill me. hahaha

i love this skin.... dun u all love it too?

i have been resting and resting, relaxing all the way since the end of pm paper. haven't started any serious studying on fmrp. grrrrrr.... he say dun cramp... and i dun want to. but just cannot pick up the mood to study. sleepy mood. lazing around. playing games 24/7. thinking of all the things i've got to do once the last paper officially ends. i'm half anticipating and half declining it. i guess this marks the end of a chapter and the beginning of the new chapter.

hmmm.. went to a few websites of the local unis. i guess if i go ntu... it would only be for their banking and finance. but den again, ntu is so far and i got no wish to stay in hostels... now.. let's see nus an d smu... am interested in something related to the law. but then again, will i be able to cope it. and i m more interested in corporate law.. dun ve to study all of law.... den den den again.... i might not want to waste time studying in lcoal unis... and go into private unis where i can work and study at the same time... arhhh... sians

all these of matters i ve to decide once exams are over.. apart from getting ready for chinese new year of course

i never knew reading that can make me emo. there are some parts that are really touching. i miss courtship days where every thing seemed so pure and innocent. where u look into the one's eyes and u see nothing but love. where eyes spoke so much and a small kiss meant so much. these are things tt our hope continued relationship would not miss out. body lang, eye contact means alot. the communication, the love message..... even if we got bored of our routine life... the love is still there, we just got to find our way back to the passionate days... but the love is always there. i remember asking you why u love me... and i'm seriously very sweetened by ur answers. for someone who doesn't express himself well and often... those were words that meant alot to me. even after a year.... i still see myself loving u more and more each and every day.

you say you need to knock sense out of me? you say i make decisions without discussing with anyone?

basically, from my point of view, since when did u discuss ur decisions with me? i feel u blame me for not discussing with u is because u want to make the decision urself!

no more doubts and mistrust. from now on, it's love, trust and commitment.

it's been a long year, but i'm glad we are still holding on.

all the sweet talk.... ends up with an ending like this. i loathe the sweetness before... cos i never like bitter after sweetnes.. i'd always prefer sweetness after bitter.

i guess i never change. i'm pretty much the person who hates loneliness at the end of the day.

no one can ever enjoy best of both worlds. sacrifice is always essential. well, i shall not be harsh on some who actually get to enjoy best of both worlds. one cannot enjoy unless he or she manages it damn well. at the end of the day, he or she still has to make a choice. this world of that world. no both worlds. choice is necessary for people as such.

i made my point. take it or leave it at ur discretion.

angel.... i'm saying ur CR looks like a crybaby.... he always lok like he wants to cry.... =/

i know this sounds pretty retarded but maybe to a certain extend, i'm like pumpkin? ok.. this is definitely after effect of reading her blog, after such a long time summore. sweetness mans.... and the way she talks about it... gross and childish once i recovered from this momentarily effect of reading her blog but for now, i think i m like her. when it comes to things she write... but not the mundane stuff la.. just the interesting part tt all of us only read.

on the other hand, i might want to be like that. or i desire to be like that. i guess sometimes, we people just have to tell ourselves when to let it go and when to let it end. but every statement i made to myself, i have a counter argument. it seemed as if these days, i'm in constant argument with myself... heart and mind. but of cos, as usual, heart always win.

i always tell myself. i made the mistake once and i wun make the same mistake again. but by refraining myself for making mistake, i'm still subjected to all these? then wad's the difference? maybe in this way, i will seen as weak-willed blah blah blah.. cannot think of btter words to describe.

i m very strong in every aspect. i m just sentimental i guess. to the extend i will miss my calculator if it misfunctions. i will be upset cos after all, it followed me for quite some time. nothing wrong with being sentimental but dun take advantage of this trait of mine.

exam's round the corner... i need to tok. i need to release... i need someone to listen.. i need some hugsssss....... feeling so dreadful.

would i say it's sunshine over rain? i certainly hope so. cos i never want this to be the priorities of my problem. i guess once again, i've got to learn how to handle feeling, emotions of people. as well as how to deal with relationships with people. after learning, falling and picking myself up, i've got to learn again. how to fall.. and what other ways can pick myself up.

putting that aside, this is going to be the busiest and ost exciting year. with things unforseen and circumstances not predicted and directions not known. exam's round the corner. two tests this week. presentation and more tests next week. and den exams.....

now i know where's the focus. where it should be and will be

something seems to be wrong with my tag??

the closer i get, the more scared i become. so it's finally here yea.. i've finally reached this phase.

putting up a brave front is never my forte. but that doesn't mean i cannot try.....

i want:

1. a bb wallet
2. a pair of new decent jeans
3. heels
4. slippers

now.. is that alot to ask for????

A smile is the light to your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.

i like this.

i m going to name my son ashton and my daughter avia. =)

whee... my boy got his driving license!