white horse. pretty. but boy prefers the black one. i didn't take a pic of it. 

  

i finally went to zoo with the small boy. thought he might feel quite obligated to go cos i wanted and he didn't seem super enthu or excited the day before like me. but glad tt u enjoyed.. u did enjoy right? at least enjoy the company.. not the smell or the trip or the heat. but really hope u did enjoy. more of such trips to singapore tourists attractions can come next time right? anyway.. i kinda regret not buying the white tiger soft toy.. i wan the innocent eyes and the pretty white fur...

anyway.. watched mexico vs iran last night. mexico was superb. 2 goals straight mans. they scored one and i was busy typing to amelia cos she couldn't watch the match and den before i knew it.. in a blink, they scored another one! and den i was joking with my mum, iran is going bomb up the whole place cos they didn't win. cos iran is a terrorists country. and silly amelia, kept dancing the meixco dance. whatever tt is. and claims tt she's hot stuff. okok.. i proclaim. my ten yr fren amelia is hot stuff. do keep a look out for her. lol!

so i had to wake up at 9 after the match which ends at 2. couldn't get to sleep last night. toss and turn a while. damn tempted to watch the 3am show but i noe i was store energy for today. so ya. slept. woke up and make sandwich. just realised tt making sandwich gives me a very xin fu feeling. issit cos i'm making for someone special or issit just the making of sandwich. i think it's the latter. cos i simply enjoyed the process of making, thinking of nothing but the sandwich. lol. but never mind. i gave him xin fu feeling eating it. so it compliments.

so to the zoo we head. arguing on the way where to take to. amk or cck. in the end settled for cck. not very difficult to go zoo after all. and to think i'm near xin's hse. which means i was one end away from my own home. had lotsa fun today. though with the heat and all. walked quite alot summore. 2 rounds around the zoo. wanted to save money so didn't buy the train thingy so we walked. ahhaha. how to be white white like tt. but it was really fun!!! =) especially with my excursion little boy. okok.. he's so gg to kill me. but muacks!! as much as u like to tease me, same here. so we are fair and square.

back. dead tired. and struggling to watch my matches summore. japan's goalkeeper looks like good husband material.. tt kinda cute. hahha. and sam just told me japan sux. okok.. usa vs cze. obvious. unless miracles.

maybe i needed more attention these days from u. tt's why the feeling emerges everynow and den. am i gg to lose u or am i simply leeting my mind wander too far yet again. oh wells...

 

my small boy on excursion 

 

trying to compare? no fight mans... 

  

 

pretty girl.. 

 

drinks he prepared. our water recharger of the day. 

 

food i prepapred. 

 

i swear he posed for me!! right? 

 

my fascination for the dustbins they have there... 

 

finally.. the zoo!!!! 

we are mean but i seriously cannot stand it. gosh.. that ah s*m.. she's one hell of a childish person mans. firstly, her password is childish enough.. like wad angel said.. i was really thinking it would be something like i love blah blah.. or blah and forever. u noe tt kind. but putting tt as password. is equivalent to the same thing lah. and secondly, every entry of hers is like.. haik. she reminds me so much of someone with one one person in her world. is like she doesn't have life anymore. and she like polo tee issit??? why is she wearing and wearing it!!! for some wierd reason unknown to others and myself.. dun like her. very very much. okok.. enough bitching session.

angel may be right. maybe simplicity is the best. maybe tt's wad i should settle for. simplicity. noting more complicated than tt would be just nice.

guys... regret reading this? this is how a girl bitches. mega time mans. lol!! anyway, am turning into a soccer freak soon. i also dunno why but just very interested to watch all the matches. think i better stop. for the sake of my rest and my work. =/ butttt.......

thanks joel. should be thanking u personally at least on msn. but i'm preparing to watch my soccer match. so ya.. i noe u would be reading this. so ya. thanks for the info. u're like my guaridan angel sometimes. hahha..

germany 4 to costa rica 2. woah. i'm impressed. didn't expect the latter to score two, and esp the last goal. as i was matching the opening match last night, this thought came into my head. i noe costa rica has pretty ladies but never knew their guys can play soccer. hahaa. wanted to watch the second match badly. poland vs ecuador that i even set alarm for one hr later after the opening match. but guess i was too tired. i pressed stop instead of snooze. which is why when i woke up at 10 plus this morn and realised there is a repeat, am thrilled. =)

can't comment uch on the matches. later pple laughed or kena bang so yea. but tonight there's an england match. want to watch. but since i promised amelia and this is summoreto make up to her, i wun initiate to leave. guess i'll have to miss tt match. haha.. but no shopping amelia... i dun like shopping anymore.

yea.. month of june when there is great singapore sale and world cup. and i chose the latter. ahhha. wierd yea.. but it's a cheaper hobby u see. i'm like this flat broke girl who cannot even be bothered to dress up anymore and tt explains why i dun really like to go out too. cos dun get to dress up, not pretty.. so sian to go out. wierd logic. but yea.

anyway, was watching SI swim suit competition last night. hahaa. when u put competitive girls together, it's mega bitching mans. it just so reminds me of other shows i watch with competitive girls. why are girls always like tt. hmmm.... watched the guess show last night as well. the white white snow white girls series. make me wanna be like them!!! i also wanna be white white too. fair fair. hmmm...

yes. maybe readers have realised i watched alot of shows last night.. i did nothing but lie on the sofa and hugged my pillow. eyes totally glued to tv. lol.

back to the soccer match. tata.

 

i know this picture is a little old but i simply love it. can't wait for the converse day den i'll take another decent picture of xcyflawx's shoes. 

i realised this blog gets abandoned by me easily and i'm actually depriving it of decent entries so i'll try once again. to revive it, that is. =)

this week is e-learning week. and i'm really listening to mr goh.. enjoying week. so i'm all out to enjoy. tried to do my stuff the weekend before and although there are not much stuff to do, it's always at the back of my head. telling me i'm left with this and that. and to spoil my enjoyment a little, he had to call me and tell me to get some work done. i dun wanna appear too irresponsible or too nonchalent about the project on hand.. but i want my quality time enjoying also. i promisedto work hard already so dun i deserve a little enjoyment? haik.. but never mind. will get things settled as soon as possible.

had my chalet. it's been a long time since i went chalet. i think the last time i actually went was 2 years ago on labour day. yan's chalet. and tt was like one night only.. cos the next day had to rush for work. how super sian tt can be so i'm really glad for this chalet tt i just had. maybe next time during every holiday, i must organise chalet. it's fun. it's just cash problems. but i look forward to the next one. i just have to organise it. things always dun get done cos no one step forward to do it and since i want it.. i got to do it.

2 more weeks to holiday. and tonight is the start of world cup. dun ask me why.. but it's so attractive tt someone like me is gonna get hooked onto it really soon. was watching news last night on korean students. dey are so crazy about world cup tt tey sae the sight of teachers remind them of soccer players and the sight of text reminds them of soccer i think. something like tt. haha... my mum and i were commenting tt once in 4 years.. it's really hot stuff mans. so exctied. when i came home from chalet yest, was surprised to see a big pin up of the scoresheet type of thing in my living room. pinned on the wall. all the groups' matches, who against who. lol... whole family. even bought a world cup related mag or something for dad as papa day's gift. he's gonna love me. i'm so lovable!!! ahahaa.... okok.. dun read tt. erase it now! lol.

must plan my next 2 precious weeks well. have to do my work. as well as play hard. i must really plan this holiday well and go gm's hse soon. she called and nagged already. hmmm.... maybe i should go next week. going zoo next week too. monday i think.. definitely ext week but pending whether issit mon.

home alone today. i miss tt smelly boy. but it's good tt i'm having some quality time myself. i mean we do need personal space here and there and time to ourselves apart from one another. tt's wad everyone says and indeed... i feel goood about it too. it's so long since i stayed home alone and it really feels good. the only bad part is i would be too lazy to go out and get food. and i'll just nua at home the whole day. just watched 3 movies one shot. 2 xmas movies and one martian one.. lol...

okok.. a long and decent entry. goood. more to come.. =)

3 DOORS DOWN

"Here Without You"

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right. But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check. In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it... You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

How Daring Are You?

AVRIL LAVIGNE

"Nobody's Home"

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

Daniel Powter
Bad Day


Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

when i read, i really read. i put myself in the scene, in the plot. i feel for the characters, i feel their joy, share their smiles, feel their anger and understand it, feel their sadness and their heartache. i really can feel it. tt's how intense i read my comics. people may look at me and say, why bother to be so serious. it's just pictures, but i dun think so. and my emotions tell me so. i smile when they smile... laugh at their silliness, feel angry when things are not justified, fear when they fear and cry when i see them cry. it's the heart aching agony....

boon is right. either she and i feel the same about some stuff or maybe she noes me well. every page i flipped, my heart ached. every second i read.. the more i read, the more choked up i feel. it's hard to explain. i'm sure it's the comic. a big part of it tt made me feel this way. but this small part is calling out to me. don't ignore it. cos it wun go away. that's what it's shouting to me. maybe tt explains why i off my laptop... and lay in bed, thinking and thinking, and i woke up, switched on the lappie and started blogging. i just need to pen it out. in this case, type it out. i just need to let it out. but how... cos i dun noe how i started.

they sae.. the root of the problem is usually the problem itself. but wad happens when i dunno wad's the problem. i feel like some troubled teen. but i noe í'm over that stage.. tormented? maybe not tt bad.. somewhere in between? i've lost my soul. i'm not someone who will escape. i mean who am i kidding, that voice in me wun go away, no matter how far i run. so i decided to face it. but wad do i get? question marks? and more of them.. blanked. totally blanked out.

i have solutions to it. but i dunno how to go aobut applying. i'm afraid one wrong attempt, and i wun even dare to try again. i'm like going back to those days. pretense, false nonchalent, feign ignorance. there is something in me tt i've lost and i need to get it back. where. how? there are things lying in front of me to do. there are pple ard me for me to exend my hand out to. i'm doing everything tt i can. somewhere somwhow, not enough. i'm not trying hard enough. either tt.. or i've lost it. i dunno how to do it. i've lost it.

i'm not making sense. i'm getting incoherrent. tt's exactly how i feel now. but on a lighter note, i'm glad tt i ve who i ve in my life. dun doubt urself.

i've just got to pick myself up. tt's for sure.

but where. where did i last leave myself.... how do i trace back when everything has been wiped away like the traces i left in the sand.. being washed away by the waves.

where....

read through the scrapbook my darlings gave me on my last birthday. and somehow... feelings got evoked and i started to tear. how they stood by me.. how they tell me friends forever. i mean wad have i done for my friends this year.... god gave me friends like them.... but yet dun cherish... but tt scrapbook is good. everytime read already.. will be damn touched. i miss my friends...

this blog seems so dead. and is no one actually reading my entries anymore? why no one reminded me to blog.. or tell me they missed my entries?? hmph.... =/

life is one whirl of something not as strong as mess.. but not in order. things are going out of hand, phones are hanging on me. many things not in place... eyes hurting. i'm confused, i'm lost. i want to noe where i stand, yet i fear to find the truth. or rather dun dare. yes, this is my life for the past 2 weeks or so. and on top of tt, have been sick for 2 weeks. cough.. sore throat.. fever on a few days. feeling weak. headache more prominent. wad is so good about lfie anyway. oh, maybe apart from the fact tt i've watched movies on a regular basis. something tt at least i'm keeping on track on. going to watch xmen today.

having a sudden craving for new york pizza. i wanna eatttttt...... heart is aching out for food, or mouth to be exact. but my mind says no. one of those days tt i look in the mirror and see fats everywhere. ugly image and fat woman standing in front of me. grrr. it's just bad days....

what kind of an entry to revive the blog is this. is this why no one reads my blog anymore.... =(

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle. You know that love isn't like a greeting card... Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings. You are the best of both worlds Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious. Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic?

Your Ideal Marriage Proposal Is

After dinner at your favorite restaurant, at the spot where you first kissed.

What's Your Ideal Marriage Proposal?

This is so silly... lol

You are a Look Before You Leap, Yellow Light Dater

When it comes to the dating game, you fall in the middle You aren't going to ask out any cute guy that comes your way That doesn't mean you're a total wall-flower though. You'll smile and flirt - for Mr. Almost Perfect. You're online dating style? You're wired to spend time reading profiles carefully Once you figure out what you want, you'll make a few connections

What's Your Dating Speed?

Kelly Clarkson - Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Kalan Porter - True Colours

You with those sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Though I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can loose sight of it
And the darkness inside you makes you feel so small

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful like a rainbow

Show me your smile
Don't be unhappy
Can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors shining through

I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Like a rainbow

You're beautiful
I see your true colors
Just remember
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Beautiful
Like a rainbow
Like a rainbow

You're beautiful

Your true colors are beautiful

xm say it's an ugly picture below... maybe he's right. but i was really really tired tt day after playing badminton.. but anyway.. i do look ugly with spects.. tt i cannot deny. =/

 

angel is hidden in the dark... and i'm damn tired... close to 2 hours of badminton. look like dog. 

 

our victory... 36 go mans.... it's a record mans! yeah.. we rock! 

 

this is what u get after holding the badminton racket for so long... looks like disease. 

having ta early in the morning. oh well... i know it's not getting early. but i still feel sleepy. train ride to school never feel shorter like these days. totally occupied by Today. with the upcoming elections creating lots of drama... i'm just digestin all information i'm reading. exposing myself to politics...

can't wait for ta to end. i noe i'm gg to have a great day ahead. catching a show and later cooking the silly one. just hoping i can get exactly wad i want at fair price.

really wanna go and take a short holiday during the june hols. or rather during my one mth break. why issit that i ve no money in my rainy day funds? any kind donors out there? for leona's rainy day funds.

realised it's been so long since i last party or paint the town red. it's been so long since i last drank.... hmmmm..... kinda miss it.. dressing up and drinking.

better pay attention. =/

when words pour out my system and reflections are made, i see myself in the mirror and my reflection tells me that nothing has changed. i thought it was different or was it myself tt wanted the difference but i came to a conclusion. maybe due to effect of doing my bd, but i picture it as a business. like business, it can vary. it can have its specialty, it can be different from its competitors. but at the end of the day, it boils down to one thing and that is to make money. no matter how different a business is, it still wants to make money. i guess that's how it is. with me.. especially when i see no change in myself.

i faced this prob in the past, i face this problem now. how often can i rely on you. u were there in the past, u are there now... but who can assure me ur presence in the future. i feel bad in a way.. for always doing this to you. bet loneliness will creep in when u leave me. not literally.. but no longer have time for me. due to some reasons. but anyway.. thanks. wad are girlfrends for yeaaa... not to be too wad, but i thank god for having a friend like u. especially u. u are like close to family type.. my roots mans. so no matter how far i go, my roots still remain. maybe i need to change my mindset? but tt's wad i tell myself all the time... without actually fulfilling it.

somehow... my body system cannot take it anymore. so tired. in a non-literally way. lol. feels so good to get it all out. everytime without fail. i wanna get married at 24.. latest 29 since my 18 year old dream can't be fulfilled. sorry girls... no god children for u guys in the meantime. i bet i'm infertile. like wad yan sae lah.

i do ridiculous thing when i am not thinking straight. as usual. can't wait for may to come. focus focus focus. on wad's impt and wad's not and the rest. i'll leave to the divine one. yes.. this should be it. like it or not.. this is me.


eye infection seems to be getting better. but no contacts for me.. hmm. this is like a small impact of my life. but i guess i could adapt to spects. i hope.... a good weekend will wait ahead of me. tt i'm sure. i'm being positive here. it's all in the mind.


the blacks are freaking me out mans. dunno why with good effect these days. tt means no late nights and all already. where's my nightlife and all my enjoyment. maybe it's cause i'm losing a certain somebdoy.. tt's why. i feel the ga and the distant. so near yet so far apart.

i cannot emphasis how much i hate them. grrrr.. gets me all paranoid.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		8
Quality Time:		7
Receiving Gifts:		7
Acts of Service:		4
Words of Affirmation:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

BEACH BOYS lyrics - "Wouldn't It Be Nice"

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long
And wouldn't it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know its gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we've been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn't it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do
We could be married
And then we'd be happy

Wouldn't it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Good night my baby
Sleep tight my baby

i thought i was being emotional then, i mean with alcohol and being not at hm and all, and memories invading every space in my head every single day and images taking over my entire living soul. when i told chin about it, i think she thought i was being too emotional too. and i believed it. till today.

watched the show again and i conclude. i wasn't being too emotional then. i'm touched, genuinely.

planning gets messy. and plans dun get to carry out for a long time already. when when when will it happen. when will it actually happen. hopes get dashed and was shocked to hear tt it was a blow even. but somehow, we will gather soon and meet up real real soon, k. i promise to do my part. u guys mean too much for me to give up. i would lose so much so i would always take initiative to arrange, k. promise me u guys wun reject me too much... =)

sometimes the pain gets so unbearable tt i start to cry. it's the little girl in me tt never change. still remember when i was living with gm and i got sick. the pain got into me tt i woke up in the middle of the night and cry. then i will proceed to call my mum... and scared the hell out of her. imagine ur daughter call u in the middle of the night and start crying.. and only keep saying pain. this is an incident tt i will never forget. cos no matter how much disagreements me and mummy have or how not close we are. this is a mother-daughter thing tt will not change. instinct maybe? but ya... whimpering like a little puppy everytime i'm sick. when will this little girl in me disappear. somehow, i dun ever want it to disappear cos this is the only connectioni have with my mum now.

maybe right now, as much as i want to deny it, i'm just not strong enough to take care of myself. tt's why the little girl is still inside. as much as i wan to sae i've grown or become stronger or more independent, i cumble very easily. i feel so weak when i'm not feeling well. like sandcastle easily washed away by the waves.. when will i learn to stand strong and take care of myself? at this rate i'm going, i ve to depend on pple all the time?

m i not strong? i dunno how to take care of myself. will u take care of me? always..?

Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox - Same Script, Different Cast

[Whitney](Deborah)
Oh, hey, Deb
(Hmm-hmm)
Thank you for being woman enough to come
(Whitney, what's this about?)

I know he's leaving me for you
(Who said that, who told you?)
That is true
What is he telling you?
Could it be the same things that he told me?
(He told me that he loved me)
I heard that
(He told me I was beautiful)
Uh-huh
(How did you know? How did you know?)
Because I played the scene before

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now cause it won't last
Same script, different cast

[Deborah](Whitney)
What you're saying could be true
But how can I take advice from you?
(I'm not hating)
(But I wish the one before me would have warned me too babe)
Don't say no more, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
(Uncover your ears, girl)
I'm not listening, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
(But I know you hear me)
(Maybe my reasons are wrong)
(But I know that you believe me)

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now cause it won't last
Same script, different cast

[Deborah](Whitney)
It's your fault you didn't love him enough
(That's the problem, I loved him too much)
(And when you love him he becomes unattracted to you)
Oh no, he's changed and I'll prove you wrong
(No, you won't)
So go away leave us the hell alone
See, he loves me
(He'll hurt you)
He'll stay with me
(He'll leave you)
For sure, for sure, oh

[Whitney]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
Now the roles have changed
Now, now, now, now, now, no, no
Now the roles have changed
Have changed, and I'm the leading lady in his life.
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, because it won't last
No, same script, different cast

[Deborah]
This is a retake of my life
You were his star for many nights
But now the roles have changed
I'm the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now, cause this will last
I'm the future, you're his past

[Both]
This is a retake of my life
I was his star for many nights
But now the roles have changed
And you're the leading lady in his life
Lights, camera, now you're on
Just remember you've been warned
Enjoy it now
Enjoy this now
It won't last
I know it will last
Same script, different cast, oh

for a moment, i felt ugly. especially in front of u. i don't know why this is so but after talking to eve and she explained to me the difference of certain terms, felt prettier. much prettier. maybe somehow or another, i don't want u to see the ugly sides of me

i wonder if u knew i was like tt... why did u even fall for someone like me. but now i noe and i thank god for bringing someone like u into my life. feeling blessed and blissful every single day. i liked wad u did for my hair today.. hoping there will be more to come. makes me feel goood. maybe when i was still a little girl.. pple like my mum and gm will still do tt for me. now ar.. hard to find pple who's willing to do tt for me already. =) my current favourite days are monday and thurs and my boy should noe why. though these 2 days got BD... which i kinda dread a little.. but they are still my fav days of the weekdays... of course not including the weekends.. leona LOVES weekends.

i liked wad angel told me today. am gg to give it some thought amongst all the other things tt i'm thinking about. registered with an agency today. hope to hear good news of them.

went to buy honeydew today from the fruitful at tampines. auntie already knows wad we want. even asked why we so late today.... lol.. den this guy actually made fun of us.. sae eat honeydew.. tian mi mi all the way.. diaos.. but ya.. i'm building up a good r/s. for future reference. ahhha

an impromptu dinner which turned out quite ok, i would say. so as long as my boy says it taste fine and okie, not too blend, not too salty, then it's fine. juggling between so many things, thinking of this and that makes me tired. easily lethargic just the mere thought of that, but i have to perservere. went to watch eight below today. niceeee... highly recommended. =) last episode of my hk drama today, one tt i persue rentlessly everyday, rain or shine, whethere tired or not, whether how late the show is and now, it's finally finished. and it's nice... =) life can be this simple... yet....

preparing for my grade 7 exam this year. it's going to be held in november or so. i still aim to finish everything before 21. aims, goals and ambitions... these are just words. big words with nothing to support them. empty words. so much to express but can't seem to form them out in words. too tired, i supposed. tiredness is getting to me. and along with tiredness comes moodiness as well.

4 hours of break tmr. i wonder how to deal with it. sent a thank you card to kerin today and she replied. so sweet. =)

with people like you around, the more i want to prove myself worthy. you didn't offend me in any way, but that freaking attitude of yours i just hate. maybe it's not attitude, i mean, there's nothing wrong in proving your own capability or striving hard but it's me. i just dun feel good losing to such people. losing is never in my dictionary... it's okie if i lose in battle i dun care. i mean i chose to forsake the battle. not the other way round, so i'm perfectly fine with that. but now things are different. this is a battle that i care and i'm so going to prove my worth. i'm going to make u notice and feel threatened by my presence. i am gg to show u when pple like you meet someone like me, you've got to feel the fear. i mean it. i'm getting serious. maybe if this motivation works out... i might even thank you one day. bur right now, i aim to beat u flat, on the ground. but first thing first, i've got to make u fear me. dun pretend i dun exist.... grrrr.. pple like u makes me sick from top to toe... makes my blood boil, not with anger, but with lotsa determination.

anyway... i've goit lots to strive for, lots to prove and lots to fight for. who says life was a breeze. it will never be so for me anymore. it's time i face the devil deep within e, and pay some attention to challenge.

just read amelia's tag and it's making me damn curious. and i messaged her online while she's on away mode, hoping she's not away.. but she is!!!! hmphhh.. amelia chow!!! tell me wad it is!!! tell me tell me... let's hope after i blog today's entry... she would come back.

went on mega shopping trip today and it feels soo goood!!! i got most of my stuff on my shopping list in the previous entry except the fragrance of course. bet i need to save up longer for it now after all the things i bought. and in addition to wad i got in the shopping list, i got 3 new tops as well! =) all smiles.... didn't know shopping with u can feel this good. hope u enjoyed it as much as i do. i certainly dun want myself to be the only one enjoying. =) and all the shopping bags tt we carried back, or rather all the shopping bags u carried back. lol.... ur first time and mine as well. to have someone to carry all my shopping stuff stuff.. and u to carry all of somebody esle shopping stuff. lol. =) i'm a happy happpy girl today!!!! realised i might get quite hooked to shopping at roxy next time... i like their handbags... looking around for handbags today.. but u didn't allow. boo.. but nonetheless.. i'm still happy. and ya.. i admit, u have good taste to a certain extend.

i will never forget tonight when u and my mum decided to chase a lizard out of the house.... ahhha. it's just funny and scary at the same time. funny to see u 2 and scary cos i dunno when the lizard will change direction and come for me. and my mum just mention she wants to buy a cane for u already!

anyway... school starts tmr. and i'm all set for it. new stuff! wooooooh.... =) everyone who reads this.... pray for my first day of school. no biggie... but still.. this new start means alot to me. in every aspect. those who knows me should noe wad i'm toking about. =)

life feels gooood!!! can't wait for 22nd... to eat the egg! craving and salivating for it already. and yay, amelia replied!!!

finally, the last day of work. though i won't say i'm going to miss the callings, or the scoldings some customers give over the phone... or ow mundane my work can get at times, but there are really things tt i would miss. i would miss the friendly work environment, no kidding about tt. not saying out of courtesy or wad, when i write in the logbook or when i give feedback, but the pple there really are nice and sweet. this is the kind of environment tt i would miss.. alot. i would miss some part of my job as well, especially the parts when customers are real sweet.. and thank you by the name. or thank you for the help.... or just plain nice. but basically, it's just the pple i miss there. those who have guided me patiently and have given me lotsa help during work, those are the ones tt i miss. oh boy... look how much i've changed my opinions in the past 6 weeks... but!!! i'm pretty much looking forward to school re-opening. the start of my new life and my new goal. having a goal always drives and spurs me on.

anyway, today is pretty much celebrating and slacking all the way. no work to be done on last day, so i guess the real last day should be yesterday cos today all of us are very high at work place.... we even thought of cheers for my team-- bluechips.. but here's one tt i would love to share.. i'm not infringing copyright.. cos i'm gg to give him credit... so here's Wang Xuanming's self thought cheer: -

we are not red chips
we are not potato chips
becase we are not that cheap
Guess who we are
We are mighty bluechips!

lol.. can u believe him... here's one from my boy:

United we stand
Together we call
Surveys we make

he claims that it's the army version. but seriously, i thought it's pretty good. =) so anyway, last day of work, though we had to give them a treat, got presents and a BIG card each in return. my first big card!! am sooo touched!!!! okok.... if i get to be executive or above when they recruit me after my graduation.. i might seriously consider. lol.

no matter how much a girl like leona claims that she's gg to forget there's such leisure called shopping, she just can't do it. BUT... i'm not doing un-necessary shopping. this is call rewarding myself for a fruitful 6 weeks of work. so i've decided to go shopping on sunday!!! to get all my new school stuff.. These are things that i want to get:

a new school bag (definitely a necessity)
a new pencil case (not so necessary)
a new jacket (somewhere in between, but something i really want!!!)
a new pair of flip-flops (good to have, but no rush)
the new fragrance (waiting for my boy and i to save up for it)

going to get sponsorship from the queen though.. request in process.. waiting to be granted.

am hunnngggrrryyyyyy. but he say i cannot eat! hmph. anyway.. can't wait for the cycling trip tmr. am very looking forward to it.. plan well, k? downloading bleach now btw.... =)

i'm so glad i'm being missed by angel and joel.. cos it shows that i'm being REMEMBERED at least. nyway, joel... why doesn't the picture show when i enter my blog?? hmmmm... why ar?

anyway.. this week is my last week of work, and sadly.. i'm on afternoon shift. sians. i'm starting to dislike my job once again. i guess it's the on and off period. but although this week is only 4 working days, i already cannot wait for thurs to come and get it over and done with. can't stand this current project tt i'm on. i think it's annoying to an extend... if i were the custoemr, i would feel annoyed. we're giving the colleagues a treat on thurs.. while i heard yan's place... the company's giving them a treat a t a place tt requires booking of place?? os i would think is a restaurant??

after this week is over, it's really time to start getting serious about my life and things i do. had a little talk with my mum and somehow, i gathered from her tone that she definitely wants me to get into uni... but not overseas one. i guess it would be a seriously heavy load on my family, that's why. i do understand, thus... it's time to make a difference. easier said than done... but determination and discipline will become my 2 best friend for this coming year ahead.

i wasn't exactly feeling down but i have to admit my emotions got slightly more positive after reading eve's mail. thanks eve. silly little updates and the long awaited email. am going to reply very sooon. maybe after i finish the new project on hand.. =)

sometimes can get quite tiring. guessing, pacifying and trying to pretend nothing's wrong. being insensitive it may be... pretending not to acknowledge it may be too. or too tired to do anything. i dunno wad went wrong. but it does really get quite tiring at times. for both of us, i think. do we ve a problem somewhere... i dun like this feeling. i dun like leaving thorns unplucked, threads dangling and white spots tarnished. i dunno....

it's been quite some time since i blogged a decent entry so i'm going to blog now, when i'm a happy girl. don't want to blog everytime i'not feeling happy or when i'm down. people might misunderstand tt i'm such a pessismistic person. i ve my happy sides as well. just that when i'm happy, i dun feel wordy enough to blog. meanwhile, i want to stay in this happy and crappy mood. i want to be simple. don't point thinking so much. if it's meant to happen, it would, i cannot prevent it so i'm going to just enjoy every moment right now.

work's great. in the sense that it's the same routine everyday but at least i'm not facing any problems. just 2 more weeks and it will be over.. come to think of it, i might even miss work after we get back to school. the people htere are really nice. work environment is not like tt in my imagination but the place is really nice with nice and helpful people. the nasty ones are really the customers. =/ i know my little boy cannot stand itp anymore.. cos he apparently hates doing admin.. and tt's all he does. but he doesn't like to call either... hmmmm.... oh wells. not everyone likes itp, it's a matter of mentality. i noe he can stay positive. the funny thing is we've been emailing each other though we just sit beside each other... a form of keeping company. =)

i'm currently watching looney tunes. one of my fav morning pastime for this week. cos i work in the afternoon shift so i can watch tv.. and cartoon is a great stress reliever. i used to watch cartoons in chinese and i'm still doing it now. i think watching cartoon is chinese can be quite funny. as in to hear the pple dubbing it. so it's another joy altogether. missed those times when i practically just tune into cartoon network 24/7. oh.. tt one, cartoon network only operates in da day. not liek now... it's 24/7.

amelia and i ve biggg dreams and ambitions. both of us wanna open a bridal shop. and be wedding planners. =) we would be pretty pretty wedding planners and she claims tt the bridegrooms will change their mind after seeing us. hahhhaa.... wondering if 5 years down the road... we would still hold this dream?? or would we be laughing it off already... and speaking of amelia.. i m craving for steamboat!!! and our bbq or potluck session.. when when when!!!! WHEN???? i wanna eat steamboat!!! the ma la one.... the one in bugis. i wanna eattttt!!!!! and i wan the eat the dessesrt there too.. at LIANG SEAH STREET. read this amelia... LIANG SEAH street. hahha.

here's a post to get pple to write testimonials for me. i lost all my 40 plus over testimonials.. can everyone who reads this write.. so i can get it back. i dunno why it's gone.. for a few weeks already. soo sad can.. i lost all my precious past testimonials..... =( so ya... help me if u can yea? and thanks to those who already did!! u guys are sooo sweet. =)

k.. am gg to eat lunch. i promised tt boy tt i would eat proper meals so i bugged my mum to cook for me instead. hhaaa.... after lunch.. den off to work. this week is a 6 day week. cos last week didn't work on fri. so this week ve to compensate. but luckily, can dress down. jeans day!! it's been soo long since i last saw him wear jeans.. i miss it!! =)

suddenly so scared.... there seem to be pple hecking my com.... outrageous pple are somehwere out there in tampines, endangering the modesty of girls.. maybe lives. gosh.... everything seems scary.

i felt something. something i don't know how to describe. made me think. we would have lesser time for each other in the future. although we forsee problems but no matter how we anticipate them or even prepare for them... when it's here, it's different. that feeling i noe all too well. hmmm...

mummy's such a sweetie. she revived her little girl here by giving me advancement in allowance. =)

Kiss Goodbye
歌手：王力宏 | 作曲：王力宏
填詞：王力宏 | 編曲：王力宏/吳慶隆

Baby不要再哭泣　這一幕多麼熟悉
緊握著妳的手彼此都捨不得分離
每一次想開口　但不如保持安靜
給我一分鐘專心好好欣賞妳的美

幸福搭配悲傷　同時在我心交叉
挫折的眼淚不能測試愛的重量
付出的愛收不回　還欠妳的我不能給
別把我心也帶走去跟隨

＊每一次和妳分開　深深地被妳打敗
　每一次放棄妳的溫柔　痛苦難以釋懷
　每一次和妳分開　每一次Kiss You Goodbye
　愛情的滋味此刻我終於最明白＊

幸福搭配悲傷　同時在我心交叉
挫折的眼淚不能測試愛的重量
付出的愛收不回　還欠妳的我不能給
我才明白愛最真實的滋味

REPEAT＊＊

Choo Jing Tian Leona is pronounced dead on this day and at this time.

Reason: Flat broke. Don't even have cash to buy a monthly magazine. what's worse than that. With a few bucks in the bank and 50 cents in her wallet, she died so un-pecaefully.

To be revived on April's Fool. No joke about that.

Any kind soul who wants to save her can kindly deposit money into her account. interest free, hopefully. Instant revival mans.

Meanwhile, she remains dead on the sofa at home, feeling dead and shitty.

and

she

remains

...

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

You Are a Retro Bikini!

You prefer a bikini that's flirty and feminine, not flashy. You look sweet and sexy - a rarity on the beach these days!

What Kind of Bikini Are You?

Your Element is Metal

Your power colors: white, gold, and silver Your energy: contracting Your season: fall You are persistent (and maybe even a little bit stubborn). If you see something you want, you go for it. You have a lot of strength, and it's difficult to get you down. Very logical, you tend to analyze everything going on in your life.

What Element Are You?

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy. Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy. You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through. Any guy would be crazy to turn you down!

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

You are a Great Girlfriend

When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!

Are You a Good Girlfriend?

You Are Low Maintenance

Otherwise known as "too good to be true" You're one laid back chica - and men love that! Just remember that no good guy likes a dormat. So if you find your self going along to get along... Stop yourself and put up a little bit of a fight.

Are You High Maintenance?

You Are a Friendly Flirt!

You are quite the flirt, but you don't flirt with just anyone. And you hardly ever get caught, because your flirting seems so friendly. You've got a good thing going. Tons of friends, both guys and girls. And if you do decide to flirt, hardly anyone's the wiser. Pretty trick!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

the night freak me out again, like how it used to. i guess it's been too long since i last stayed at home at night alone. i forgot how scared i used to be. the feeling came back tonight. exactly how i felt in the past. last time, i remembered when i started thinking too much and start freaking myself out by little noise, i will call chin. make her talk to me till my parents came home... i recall starting the conversation by saying chin chin.. i'm soo scared.. how how how... lol.. and of course. just a opening will freak anyone out. so i made chin worry for a split second then when i told her the reason, she would just start calming me down and all.. lol. poor chin. but tt's why i always call her last time. now, all i can is on the tv loud loud and open the big wooden door, so in anyway... i can run out immediately, if necessary. and not forgetting, toking to my angel darling. it helps quite abit. ok.. i noe i sounded silly. and i bet everyone who reads this is rolling their eyes.. but ya.. i'm scared wad.

here's my boring sunday. slept till ten, had organ lesson and slacked all the way. nothing done, nothing accomplished. i dunno why but my thighs are aching quite abit. could it be cos i walked a bit too much yesterday? but how can it be.. hmmmm.... i feel old. and speaking of old, i do feel old. issit cos i'm like working full time... from 9 to 6. cos i feel tired almost everyday. angel say this is wps. and we're suffering from it. so no life mans, dun u think so? cos ar... the mere mention of gg out late to hevoc a little.. i would be like huh.... no energy or simply too tired. i feel old. where's my youth mans!!!! =/

updated my wish list and food list too. that food list ar.. mainly is for chin one. all our pacts made to each other. she's my official food mate mans. i've led an unhealthy life today mans. ate super unhealthily. lol... but at least i ate. this is the life i eat when i'm alone mans. ahhha.. those were the days... lots of memories for today. being alone at home gets me super emo. just watching this korean show, i simply teared. lol.... gosh.... leona has become a little weakling, hasn't she? well, tv's my only company. so ya.. i had to communicate with it right.. hhhaaa.. i guess it's just quite some time being alone. not tt i dun enjoy it, time to myself and all. even ken hirai's songs bring tearsto my eyes.. woahhh....

just saw zoe tay's watch on tv.. looks good. just saw fann on tv.. sooo pretty! i've been doing some pi work online today too. lol. and as u guys can tell.. i'm seriously bored. since when have u all seen such a long entry? anyway... two weeks of work is down.. left with 4. can't wait to get back to school. am sure eve feels this way too? judging from her blog.. but ar.. the thought of bd just makes me =/ results coming out on 22nd... suckkkyyy...

angel is crapppy and so am i.... 2 bored girls

cos of some small promise i made, i'm online. and cos i'm online, i've decided to blog for bit. lol... everytime i never blog for a while, i feel missed... with all my loyal readers out there, i feel loved and cared for too!! =)

the second week of my work is coming to an end soon. and i'm slowly blending into the working environment. i've grown to realise even if i like or do not like my work, even if i dread it, slack away, time still passes. time doesn't passes fast or slowly, it's actually more of how u look at it. cos no matter wad u do and wad u think, time just passes. time does its own job and tick away, always in the same rhythm. never changing. it's human mind tt changes, human opinions tt changes. so ya, i've come to terms with that and cos of it... i'm slowly liking wad i do, even though it can get really mundane at times. but nonetheless, time waits for no one. it just passes.

realised things i want are still growing. i'm so going to update my "wants" list sooon. for myself to keep track of. so tired nowadays when i get home.. maybe i'll write them during break time tmr.. so i can type it out in my blog.

went out with yan today. we went to eat Billy Bombers... have been wanting to eat that for quite some time. and it's always only with yan tt i can ve my wish granted. chin too lah.... dun wanna her to feel left out. yan mention too.... with yan.. it's always good foood and i love good food. pampering myself. have been emailing amelia from work these past 2 days. feel so good. mail from outside world. cos i using company's email. lol... and the best part is.. we met coincidentally today after work too.... shall leave out the details.. but looks like our fate and telepathy still working well and strong. and i'm so glad about it. =)

i learnt that familarity is not a good thing. it makes one so weak at times.

i just read eve's blog and frankly speaking, i envy her going-to-be busy busy life. i mean this is attachment. somewhere we're supposed to learn and not part time work. part time work i dun mind easy tasks.. but this is attachment. so i guess from my tone, roughly can guess how's first day of work yesterday. and... i'm doing telemarketing. =/

first day of work was tiring. cos had to look at computer for like 2 plus hours? and i dunno why but the computer screen look so big. it's taxing to the eyes. anyway... yesterday was just looking around and getting used to the place. i'm officially starting work on wed. why wed.. cos i'm off today!! we work shifts.. this week, i'm on morning shift and according to them, morning shifts got one weekday off... but sat have to work till 4. my weekday working hours are from 9:30 to 6:20. next week would be afternoon shift. 1 to 9... afternoon shifts would be no social life.. 6 weeks will pass quickly, i hope? with all the calling... i wun want to tok anymore after this 6 weeks... i'm growing to HATE talking to strangers.

at least i rewarded myself after a "hard" day of work. went to catch a movie with him. underworld. =) and den bought myself 2 comics. haha..... one comic everyday. i'm so going to be broke. or rather, i'm going broke sooon.

just read nana. felt quite sad. or should i sae felt quite emo. i really thought they would be happily together. really thought the guy was sweet and nice. but why did hearts change. it brings me back to a question. why do hearts change. it's very bei ai, very sad to noe that hearts would change. why is the heart of human so complex? changing without a valid reason. and maybe without any reason at all. why is that people break up just cos someone has a change of heart. what about the other party? questions, questions and more questions. without any answers.

i always believe that 2 persons can only break up without any strings leaving and can still be friends only when 2 persons mutually stop feeling for one another. or rather 2 persons stop loving each other. so even when someone changed of hearts.. or only one party stopped loving, that's not mutual and there's no such thing as friendship between them. and it's so sad, so heart wrenching on the abandoned party.

read a nice line though. a guy was asking another guy why did he not go around looking at other girls or why did he not hua xin. and that guy (who's att) answered, cos he's afraid to lose her (his gf).

okie. told u i was feeling emo. here's the proof.

i will rest well today.. for work tmr. i need a positive work attitude to feel good and do well in work. =)

just came back from watching bai yun gang 2006. come to think of it.. i've been a loyal supporter of the bai yun gang for 3 years already. think i deserve to be in the alumni as well? or they ought to thank me as well? even if not so, think deserve a flower from my girlfriend?? but she only give her friend!! and if it's not worse.. she had to choose to give african daisy.. one of my favourite.. the orange one!! hmphh...... bad girl and when xin's around.. i'm obviously not impt to her anymore... openly flirt with xin can!! lol...

but it's okie. cos i love xin too!! there's no way i can defy her or sae no to her and it's been such a long time since i practically laughed the whole night. she's just so damn funny can.. giggles and tickles me alot alot. hugssss.. really wish she could come tmr cycling as well. not as if i dun ALREADY have great company. but the more the merrier wad.

and all of them claimed tt i'm so off today. everything doesn't match, from inside to outside. and ar, the stupid wind had to be so strong today tt i keep having to press down my skirt to prevent it from flying up. it's a chore..... and chin, boon, and xin ve to keep protecting me fro mthe wind. lol.. tt really tickles me as well. watched big mama with angel and chin today. laughed too. it's laughing day mans!!!

great day spent all in all. =) i'm all smiles. can't wait for 26 march. our next singing session... =) and right now.. can't wait for tmr... it's cycling day!!! =)

i miss u lots...

i'm feeling very shitty at this hour, right at this moment. don't ask me why. if i knew, i would know how to solve it. but whatever it is, i am feeling real bad now. am in a total bad shape. i know i felt it all wrong. i know it. i really did. but what irks me is that i dun knoe what i can do to dissolve this all-wrong type of feel. freak.. this is so sucky. it's all wrong. everything is. what is it exactly. i dunno.. but it's wrong... yuuucccckkkk... i so hate this feeling. i so hate me right now. god... show me the light can. i dunno how long i can stay sane. seriously.

and it seriously does not help when certain things occured. i dun wanna mention it here cos i dun think it's fault of any parties. i really dun. it's just so hurtful.... and it gets me even more down. it hurts even more when u knew how i feel about such stuff. you knew. of all people. but no worries.... i'm not blaming anyone here and i'm ot bearing grudges. really. it's me. it's me and myself. i think the problem lies deeply with me. maybe i need isolation? to prevent myself from irritating any human being. or to prevent myself to making any more trouble for myself. this feeling sux.

I HATE THIS PERSON WHO HAPPENS TO BEAR MY NAME RIGHT NOW! she's so not herself.

i want seoul garden!!!!!

i tend to respond to my readers so since i have a loyal reader's request, i will gladly do it. =) anyway dal... do u remember u told me this thing that u read somewhere that this woman got pregnant and she don't even know it until she went to the toilet? where did u read it from? suddenly remembered it. and feeling curious.

it's the first of the month and i'm hoping the rest of my month would be good too. februaury has been not so good to a certain extend... except the fact that we got together. basically, the whole of semester 2 is pretty sucky. can't wait for tmr to be over cos tmr marks the end of exams! like finally.... not as if i put in alot of effort.. but'i feel so exhausted. i really dunno why. o drained out... so no energy. grrr....

eating tuna now and waiting for him to cook breakfast for me. he owed it to me. have been playing dai dee very often.. and he's losing very often too. i feel like i'm forcing him to do it.. but no choice la.. if never play dai dee... bet i'll never get to eat breakfast from him. haha.. owe me so many things. i wonder when's the fragrance coming.... hmmmm...

dal.. enough??? study hard everyone.. last day!!!!! and to those who's taking their a level reults.. good luck!!!! all the best... =)

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.But you may be ready in a couple of years.You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced. Overall, your true self is passionate and physical. With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem sad and helpless.

OH MY GOD!!!!! this is one of the best surprise that i've received in quite some time. and it's reallly a goood surprise because it totally caught me off guard!!!! when i enter my own blog.. i was like.. eh?? who's blog did i click on.. i couldn't believe my eyes.. oh my god. oh my god. oh my god!!!! thanks guys... i reallly love it.. cos it's really a GOOD surprise.. and it's really well done. no matter which of u guys keep claiming the credit... i extend my most sincere thanks to the both of you. i'm touched.. i really am. kinda add something for me to smile to tonight. thanks alot. i love u guys..... it's a nice surprise... leona is truly touched!!! =)

i aleady had the intention to blog tonight. so ya...

realised something hard and concrete today. the more you're afraid to lose something... the more you will lose it. i guess this fact has always been somewhere deep behind my head. it's always there. i just never go realise it and today... it kinda surfaced that some words just had to be out and i ve an extreme overwhelming urge to type it all out and expressed it all out. but it's human nature isn't it? to be afraid to lose something that you really cherish or like. what am i supposed to do then? act nonchalent or indifferent like i dun care.

realised no matter how hard i try to be strong, to keep this wall around me, to create this barrier.. i cannot help but feel insecure, vulnerable and weak at times. i hate myself during these times cos it reminds me of exactly where i fell the last time. i'm never good at picking myself up. i know that of myself too well. which is why i'm so afriad of falling right back to it. and having such thoughts made me weak... today, a thought that eve used quite often popeed into my head:
silence and inaction is insufficient. it truly is. it makes me more insecure only.

ok... i sound like a weakling, don't i. people out there.. go ahead and despise me.... i'm already doing so. yuck.

whatever it is.. thanks angel and joel... it's really a good surprise.. brought a smile to my face. thanks guys.

"I dislike the light. But i fear the dark. And nothing beats the immense fear i feel when darkness seem to be able to eat me up whole."

finally went sakae with chin today. our long awaited sushi and long awaited feasting. and everytime without fail, i wonder why we love to gorge ourselves so much when after we exit from sakae, we would go straight to the toilet to either puke it all out or shit it all out. i always find puking it all out easier. chin usually do the latter while i'll do the former. today, chin did both and i did none. lol, she did my fair share in the toilet but that doesn't mean good new for me cos i have to wait for her. she don't even allow me to wait outside the toilet... i must be outside her cubicle. so imagine my boredom while i start snapping pictures all the way till my batt almost died on me. it will ne a long time for the next sakae. but feasting is always on.. seoul is our next aim!

sakae = gorging to our hearts content, forcing everything in just to hit our target or to win each other flat. chin always win me... so i don't know why she simply love to go beyond beating me flat and trying to hit her target. after which, i'll just whine and whine tt i'm so bloated uncomfortable and full!!! and the torture is i have to wait for chin for her toilet routine, cos she usually takes longer than me. lol. anyway.. it's great to finally being able to go out with chin this way. i miss it! and chin.. u're not my spare tyre, can. never never!!!! more feasting sessions to come!! okie?

i'm a converse girl today! top to bottom.. almost all converse. maybe i should go get a converse bottom too.. so i can truly be the converse girl. this way... i can also go against you... which i'm starting to enjoy every little bit now. lol.

2 paper's over with 2 more to come. my next paper is on the tues. which means time to study but of course i have no intention to start so early. i need a mini break... though it's not like i studied really hard. i bought comics and magazine to keep me occupied. i'm just not in the exam mood and i'm not getting anywhere near there yet. not this time round... i need that long break.. enjoying first before starting to put my heart back into doing things.. by when tt time comes, it's when i start my year 3. =)

to see you being unwell, to see ur intense umcomfy-ness.. i feel utterly useless not to be able to do anything to make you feel better. i don't know what can i do to help you recover or at least feel better so all i can hope is for you to get well soon. i may not be able to do anything for you but i'm always here whenever you need me. it's been such a long time since i last felt like this that i almost thought i'm not capable of feeling that much for someone else other than my friends and myself. the intensified worriedness and the urge to do anything, simply anything just so you'll feel better. when you recover, please take extreme care of yourself, k.

i did a quiz that day and it says i will have 7 good friends in my life. i already have 5.. who's the other 2?

i'm tired. i wanna sleeeep already.. good night to the world. and drop dead, leona.

gonna "pen" down a few things before i take my bath and start my studying again. tmr's the first paper. i'm not feeling really stressed up... but something else. something that i cannot put words to. but whatever the feeling may be.. it doesn't feel good. that i know.

i may be a little paranoid but my eyes aren't feeling really well these days. they hurt and itch sometimes. and it really doesn't help when the renu case came up. i'm quite worried.. i hope nothing is wrong.

and when i see my dad and him not feeling well today... i'm worried. don't know what did dad eat or what happen.. but he had to see the doc for his tummy. guess it's quite serious or the doc would not give him mc for 2 days. has been sleeping since afternoon... didn't even take his dinner. oh.....

gonna take a real cold shower.... to start the mugging. =/

i love xyflawx. i really do. especially all those singing sessions... =) 

all squeezed.. not a good picture 

a picture to spite boon.. =)