hmmm, have been receiving comments about me blogging very little. so here i am, on a wednesday afternoon. talked to dal last night till 4 plus in the morning then i realised that i got to sleep to wake up at 6:45. dal practically shoo me off to sleep. this morning, woke up only by xm's call and realised it's 8! i am supposed to meet him at 7:45 for him to carry my blender for me. i was like shit! and then cabbed to school.. soo expensive.. i owe my mum money... =(

didn't finish accounts tutorial, was in a very lazy mood last night. somethings happened, made me lose my motivation but what the hell, it's never too late. i am soo lost in accounts liao... and that silly "shifu" of mine ar, like dun care about me liao, got to find someone else to teach me... any volunteers or accountants wanna be want to point me in the right direction for accounts? am so lost. anyway, got back accounts test, didn't do well but oh well, at least i didn't fail. was really thinking i would fail lor. so i am contented as of now.

hr presentation. woah, we carried so much ingredients there. think we can score in the effort section right. somethings went wrong, forgot this, forgot that... guess we were nervous in one way or another.. but i am so glad it's over. really glad!

many things aren't going my way and in order to keep them in track, i've got to put aside other things which are slightly less significant. econs haven't touch yet. no motivation, no mood. mob project... *dots dots dots* lazy to say also. to eve: guess you're really having pms these days. thought of many irrelevant reasons to your behaviours. shouldn't even doubt my beliefs about what i know about you in the first place. though i might not know u very well yet but at least, shouldn't have think too far. soo silly of me. haha~ take care, k. the sun would be out even before you realised it.

anyone want to earn some extra cash. here is the deal. come my house help me wrap comics. go by number of books. one book 50 cents. i made a rough estimation. i've got about 200 over books.. which is 100 bucks.

got to go get ready and get my ass to the airport. jie flying off today.. i'll miss her... but i'll see her soon... tata~ freaking hot weather.

You Are Girly Sexy You're a youthful spririt, and your energy is infectious.Men love your innocence and lack of emotional baggage.You make every kiss seem like the first and every moment magical.How could any guy in his right mind resist that?

leona is a very happy girl today. the day started very early in the morning at 9. went to aj's funfair because amelia asked me to go with her. agreed and gave angel a surprise there, am very glad to see her.. it was nice doing a little catching up... am even happier to see her surprised face, am missing her already but i know i would see her soon when i go for my gf's drama.. love all my darlings to bits! *smiles*

after aj, amelia and i went to town cos i said i would give her a treat.. our long awaited crystal jade to celebrate our 10th year anniversary.. hee... la mian and xiao long bao... yummy~ eat until tummy almost burst! next time, we order one la mian to share, k... and we must dine in nice places more often... it's a girl thing. *double smiles*

gotta rush back before evening as both amelia and i have activities on in the evening.. tt sweetie of mine gave me her ballon cos mine burst at aj itself.. thanks.. muaks! came home and saw that mum got me a ring from citigems... tt's very sweet of her. thought she would get me some 20 plus bucks ring.. but noope, she got me a white gold ring... though i keep complaining can't see the 0.05 diamond... i still love my mum... thanks mummy, leona loves you. * triple smiles*

family dinner near tiong bahru... nice place, food wasn't too bad... though quite boring there cos it's all the little kids who were playing and running about. reminds me of last time, me and my cousin at restaurant, create silly games to entertain ourselves... long story mans. ate kinder surprise, my all time fav. chocolate... jie bought it specially for me... she's going back to perth this wednesday.. i'll miss her! but not to worry, would see her soon in april when i go to perth. everything was yummy... leona's tummy is getting bigger... hee... this won't do. contented night though.

tmr's gonna be working day. typing of report, studying of stats etc. would not slack. don't have the time to anyway. it has been a busy and tiring week but i have been rewarded with the sweetest saturday... thanks to everyone who made my day in one way or another... *many many smiles*

my style magazine is waiting for me on the bed.. hee

it's only the third day of school and already i am deprived of sleep. went to school early today to discuss mob project. finished school at 3 today but stayed back till 5 to do my frontpage project. friday's the deadline and we're only half done. the moment i got home, i slept straight away until now. i figure it's going to be a long night ahead and i would need all the energy. don't like it when i am deprived of sleep, i would be rather short-tempered. and i am now seriously craving for chocolate.. any kind to help keep me going.

feel that i've grown fatter these day. the mirror told me so. skippied dinner. it's always the problem of discipline. if i'm disciplined enough, i would be able to go on a diet smoothly, save money and do my work.

there are people playing sparklers downstairs.... i can hear. when is it that i can allow some enjoyment to myself without feeling guilt. missed those days when everything goes so smoothly but like the saying goes, there's always ups and downs. am feeling pretty low, which is why i need the chocolate.. high intake of sugar. =(

realised that at times, i can be really harsh and hard-hearted towards things. i'm not the least bit compassionate at those times. don't know when did i become like that. i don't feel as passionate as i do abt things and people as i do in the past. something in me has changed. hopefully, with this change, it would lead me to greater heights but that also mean my circle of people would slowly decrease by then. oh well, nothing lose, nothing gained.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! had a rather good day today and thanks to those who contributed in one way or another to this beautiful day i had. thought i won't receive a flower but my sweetest darling, yan actually went clementi between school time to get a flower for me, that's like super sweet of her! love her to bits. she got me a lovely white rose with lavender at the side... very nice.. thanks yan! you've made my day. had dinner with her at pre rouge, our "lao di fang". the food there quite sucky.. yan and i decided we would only go there to drink after the sun sets. yan drank a little but i didn't, couldn't decide what to drink so might as well don't risk. realised that the last few times we went there, our moods were pretty down but it's different this time, we were actually celebrating... =) had a great time, thanks yan again.... i promise we would venture further at the end of this year.. =) gosh.... it's a beautiful v'dae... even without anyone by my side, i manage to spend it well. mum promise me a ring. doubles smiles...

you represent the dreams in life. you are laid back
and also dream alot.

What part of life do you represent? ( AWESOME anime pics ^_^)
brought to you by Quizilla

first of all, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! GONG XI FA CAI TO ONE AND ALL. leona is a very happy girl today and this marks a good beginning to this year. *smiles*

Didn't sleep very late last night, dunno why whole family soo tired so we all went to sleep slightly after 2. didn't remember sleeping so early last year. I tried to stay awake in my room, watching this chinese new year movie which mediacorp never fail to show EVERY new year night. it's the same one, i swear, but my eyes simply cannot open anymore so off i go to dreamland.

woke up this morning after 11. it was a good sleep, i would say. watched tv, do nothing.. lolx... the whole family left the house only after 2. daddy say mummy drag our time.. took soo long which i totally agree.. mummy sae we both against her... whatever lah. lolx. went to my grandma's house at sengkang first. ate, talked abit... took ang baos then left to head towards my grandmother at aljunied. ate more there. talked. then cousins came and then we sat down to play mahjong... =) i won.. lalala~ yay.... 3 house lose to me leh... but it's pure luck lah.. is not i good... is just luck... hee hee.

tmr, we are going out again. is the first time my family go out on second day of new year. we 're gonna go temple, den go do some visiting.. then maybe more mahjong.. gosh, i am addicted.. new year is not very fantastic but it's definitely a season to enjoy and relax and gamble~ lalala~ i am a happy happy girl!

just woke up not too long from my sleep. could have slept longer if not for my very irritating mother. she herself wake up liao also must make sure the rest of the household wakes up with her. what kind of a rubbish rule is this.. oh wells... luckily, she've left the house to go run some errands and therefore, peace at home! =)
came back slightly before 12 last night. wanted to go amelia's house play "building blocks" one.. but that silly mother of mine don't allow. anyway, she found out about my pierced ear and can't seem to stop talking about it. she didn't scold lah.. but keep bringing it up and tt's enough to annoy me.
bought clothes yesterday... oops... dun remind me about my savings plan. bought a skirt and a top. when i came back and tired on the skirt, i asked my dad if it was nice, he said it was too short. i told him i have shorter skirt and he just shook his head.. soo cute.. silly papa. =)
it was a great day yesterday, though very tiring.. but it was simply great. towned with the two chia sisters. went to eat sushi, courtesy from the younger chia sister. she owe us this meal a very long time already. and then shop, shop, shop. we shopped for like around 5 hours plus? and my feet hurts like hell already. walked from sommerset to orchard and then back to sommerset for a drink at tcc. brought jie there to eat the simply irresistable lava chocolate cake.. yummy~ am a happy girl~
anyway, my perth trip with my cousin is more or less confirmed. arrangements were made over at perth. and all relatives over our side knows. the only issue left is $$. ahaha~ can't wait.. am sure i would have a fun time there!!

2 of my all time-favourite girls and me at tcc

Mysterious, elegant, creative and calmYou are a sprite of the Water. Creative and one of
the most beautiful of sprites, you strike
wonder and curiosity into the hearts and minds
of all. Even though you are capable of
attraction and seduction you are way above all
that, you understand the true meaning of life
and are very open and understanding of life's
mysteries, most likely you are one of them. You
are respectful of all ways of life and do not
judge one due to their position or station in
life. You are gifted in the ways of
understanding and given the chance are usually
full of good, wise advice but your not the type
to take the stand and express such things. Your
laid back nature can be troubling, you don't
take many risks and prefer to keep things as
they are. You are one of the most unique of
sprites.

.::=What type of Mythical Sprite are you?=::. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

my all-time favourite dessert at tcc 

just came back from the mall with mummy~ bought cosmetics (hee..) and a bag.. muacks mummy.. next time when i earn big bucks, i will buy u skincare products and cosmetics to make u pretty pretty too~ haha
yesteday was a rather bad day for me... die lah, amelia, does it mean that it's gonna be bad days for the whole of 2005 for me? had accounts paper yesterday, badly done but i won't dwell on it, no point. just can't help feeling a little disappointed with myself. feel so un-motivated these days. hopefully after new year, everything would be just fine, i know it will because i won't let myself fall. i won't lose to myself. meanwhile, it's simply enjoy all the way!
after the accounts tragedy, went to feast with my darlings, yan and cf. love you girls! with yan around, we can never have cheap dinner but it's perfectly fine with me. i have been craving for good food for the past week as i have been living on 3 bucks per day.. anyway.. to dal: i didn't spend alot yesterday.. besides food, didn't even buy any clothes! hahaha~ way to go for my savings. anyway, wanted to go for a drink with yan at our "lao di fang" but my tummy wasn't feeling very well.. sorry girl, another day, k... i am craving for a drinking session with you too.
the weather is so freaking hot.. irritates the hell out of me... sentosa, anyone? time for some serious sun-tanning!
v-day coming.... anyone want to date me... hahaha~ got to go... help my mum pack some stuff.. don't say i never help my mum do housework, k~ i do!

went to school for 3 hours today, wouldn't have gone at all if i didn't do my econs tutorial but i've been a good girl and i did my work so went to school. it's so boring in school today and to make matters worse, those two darling pals of mine decided they want to forsake me yet again. so pathetic me sat in the front row during tutorial all by myself, soo cold~
came home, rested, cooked and rested somemore. fell asleep and only woke up after receiving a message. luckily he msged, or esle i would be sleeping until evening time and i won't revise my accounts at all. while revising accounts, i've been popping pineapple tarts into my mouth one by one... before i knew it, 3/4 of the whole container worth of pineapple tarts are gone. so sorry, mum... think she hafta buy another container but those tarts were simply very very yummy.. tmr's accounts.. am a little worried... somehow or another, just felt that i am not prepared enough... oh.. but what the hell, got to sleep early tonight anyway...

In'>http://members.rogers.com/lim.jennifer/cold2.jpg">
In your eyes, people see shards of ice
everywhere... You are cold and distant, pushing
away people that love you and truely care for
you! You want to be able to reach out and love
them but... You can't for some reason... You're
just too.... You :P Underneath that cold
exterior lies a warm, happy soul that wants to
let loose and have fun! Your sanctuary would
probably be anywhere up high where you can look
down on life below you, like the roof of an
apartment building... Your eyes resemble a
saddened, crestfallen person seeking out
attention, but doesn't know how to handle it.
However, you do find comfort from your friends,
they're always there for you, and they know the
REAL you :) Even though you do seem rather
cold, you can be very protective over something
you truely believe in or love. Let go of that
"tough" rep and just be you! It's
impossible to live life without some fun and
love ^-^

What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
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in life, there are many things that can actually make us happy.
first on the list, we have kinship.
next, we have friendship.
followed by the sense of achivement we get in completing challenging tasks at hand
and then the joy of helping others
and the list goes on...
surprisingly, love is not in top ten...
this proves something yea...

i like the bustling and hustling in my house right now. though we have only 3 people, i still like whatever minimum atmosphere of preparing for new year at my house. at least with some commotion going on, i won't feel so spaced out. seeing my mum rushing everywhere to get ready for new year, packing everything at home and dad being very naughty, teasing my mum and cracking jokes here and there, i feel slightly better than when i am outside facing other people. nothing's the problem. i just feel very lethargic, can't seem to focus or concentrate on anything. it's not due to fatigue, that i am very sure. then what is it. i really have no idea. the emptiness that i once felt is coming back to me. friends are all busy, leaving me to ponder what have i been doing instead of spending time to complete tasks at hand. sometimes in the day, i find it so hard to focus. gasping for breath. i am trying really hard, i hope things would only be temporary but i suddenly want to live a life isolated, no one can see me and vice versa. like i've learnt before, no one can help me but myself and I am not who i used to be so i'll definitely pull through and get some things accomplished. stop looking down on me if you have been because i am going to prove you so wrong that you would regret even thinking like that about me. i am not a weakling so stay out of my life if you just want to despise me!

You are a flute. You are social and like to take
your chances. You like to spread your wings and
expirience new things. You are high in spirit.
You also like to talk to many people about your
views.

(BEAUTIFUL anime pics) What is your soft toned intrument?
brought to you by

as i see my determination being slowly scraped away, i see what's revealing behind all this determination and i don't like the sight of it. time to re-compose and get my determination to cover me up strongly once again. i'm not letting any emotions resurface... nope, i am not going to make that kind of mistake again. life's not great. i feel fat... feelings of guilt and of bursting out have made me indulged in food greatly and this would not do. time to put a stop to this mess.. get a broom and sweep it all out. only after that, i would be fine.

shopping with my mum is worse than 2.4. I am so drop dead tired. we did mega shopping and i mean really tired. my eyes are so dry, my feet hurts like hell and my back is about to break any second. gosh~ i can't do this very often with my mum. it will kill me or shorten my life span. my dad is so cute today. he got fascinated by the lucky draw held at the mall, like some auntie character. but no wonder he got the time to get fascinated. my mum and i stayed inside this shop, looking for clothes to close to an hour and all the time, he just stood outside, at the same spot, waiting for us. there was performance at the mall. my mum and i stayed in there when the performance start until it ended and my poor dad just waited.. no complains u noe.. =) muaks, daddy! i love ya. saw this sk ring that i like... hmmm, asked mum to get it for me but she didn't agree.. neither did she disagree... hopefully, i can get it.. bought all my new year clothes and accessories today.. done... last thing i need is a bag and i m 100% done! yay~ my mum ar, going for younger and ypunger fashion.. to think she got the same pair of jeans as me, only diff size.... one bad thing about shopping with her... ahahha~ gonna go some serious packing of my room. but not tonight.. am seriously half dead. hee...
things happened. i hear stories from different people. different people, different side and opinion. i don't want to take sides with anyone. why should i choose who to believe, no one is more trustworthy than myself. i am damn sick and tired of all of these nonsense. i shouldn't side track. things i hear would only remain with me, what's the point. people might not believe me anyway...

am having alot of cravings at the moment:
salmon
steamboat
mahjong
food at newton
la mian from crystal jade
coffee club's potato wedges and my all-time fav. salsa sauce
i want i want....

we learn new things everyday. some of which we are aware of while we just take in other things unknowingly. one can learn just simply watching a tv programme. cooked lunch for myself today. it feels good to be independent this way. i don't need anyone to look after me. i can look after myself. instead of waiting for people all the time, depending on them, i rather take care of myself, i m not that dependent on others anymore and i'm glad for the change. I am through waiting. spent a simple day just slacking away and it feels good. slept in late due to last night's mahjong session. watched tv the whole day and just think of nothing but enjoy the peace i have. I am no longer afraid of staying at home alone... on the other hand, I am enjoying every moment of it summore. need to start getting ready because I am going out. to my friends out there that I haven't seen for ages.. i miss u guys alot!! u guys are always on my mind and hope everything's going out fine for u all... in any times that u need me, i would always be here... =) take care~

eating home-cooked food, drinking soup that i've been missing for ages. watching grandma shouting at my little cousins, drinking in the whole scene... my whole mind is only filled with one thought. even if i can't be in heaven, I am sure this is close enough. the warmth i felt and all the familiar things and people around me. =) only when i am there, then nothing else matters at all. no homework, no worries. nothing... just pure joy and contentment. realised grandma getting older... but still love her alot. =) escaped from class halfway through today and headed down to grandma's place. had my hair cut too. it's been such a long time since i ate home-cooked food. always only get to smell it from my neighbour's house but finally get to eat it and my darling ashley is getting cuter and cuter as the days go by. she knows how to call me!! sooo cute! stayed there till evening and then headed home.. till now, still haven't bathe and haven't do my econs yet... =( mum's back... gotta go bathe now and start a little mugging...

sipping away at tcc~ 

Ok, I am crazy. I came back at 6:30 in the morning and by right, I should still be fast asleep on my bed, so what am i doing online blogging and uploading pictures. Thanks to my beautiful and hardworking mother who came banging into my room and started measuring the size of my room, my cupboard and everything else she could lay her eyes on. and let me tell you, she's not the least bit quiet about doing it. so instead of trying so hard to get back to sleep, i decided to wake up. it's going to be another long shopping day for me and let me officially declare this. i am broke! =( sobz... come to think of it, it's quite hard not to be broke after so much things i bought this month and so much fine dining. but I am happy! and that's what matters right... actually, I might not stay happy for long when I am broke. wells, any kind soul out there wants to feed me and clothe me? ahaha,went to watch movie with cousin last night.. as usual, our late night movies... watched shall we dance.. was good! i love it! inspires me and i simply love it... lalala~ i postponed my cut hair session! yay~ everything is going well so far for the day excpet two facts. I am going to be dead tired in the middle of the day given that I've only slept for 4 hours and secondly, my mob test is tmr! ahahha~ we'll see how things go... go with the flow~

me and my cousin. one act cute, one act innocent. i love my cousin! and i love our late nights out!! -smiles-

I've done nothing these days but cause problems for myself to worry and ponder about but I am through with it. I thank God for giving me a second chance at the correct time. I just can't be a mean bitch though as much as i want to. Can't bear to hurt people's feelings. haven't exactly been carefree due to all these self-inflicted problems but seriously, i only live my time once, so no more unnecessary thinking. I mean why should i even think about it when obviously other people are out there enjoying... or rather unaffected. today's a whole new day to prove my worth and to drive the lazy genes out of my system. gotta do some serious mugging because tmr i am a busy girl. okies, all is settled. all i have to do is go with the flow... =) yupz... go with the flow. gotta go eat breakfast with my mummy... tata~

if being nice means having guilt in my life, then i rather choose to be bad and enjoy my life. i only have to account for myself, no one but myself. maybe the timing is wrong because i am learning to be independent and i m doing a great job, depending on no one but myself.

I FINALLY PIERCED MY EAR... the one that i have been wanting to pierce.. ouch... hurts alot! it all begin on this beautiful afternoon when amelia msged me, she told me she wanted to go pierce her ear and she wanted me to accompnay her.. initially, i already made plan with my mum already... and i m quite excited abt it.. yet at the same time, i dun wan to turn amelia down.. i want to witness an important event of the year.. ahaha... her first pierced holes and also i too long never see her liao and i miss her like crazy so unfillial me called my mother to turn her down.. i actually felt quite bad... so after school today, i headed to town to meet amelia... was damn hungry so i ate at long johns to give her enough time to muster her courage to pierce her ears... and because i've been wanting to pierce like damn long ago, i decided to do with her.. to give her courage and also completing my wish. =) so ya.. i witness her piercing her ears! wow... it's really a big event... anyway, the girl doing my ear ar, she like not very experienced leh... can tell she's quite nervous.... =( and ar my ears still hurts a little now.... and amelia is actually consoling me and telling me it's ok?? ahahha, shouldn't it be my job since i have like 3 ear holes liao?? ahahaha, anyway, it was great meeting up with her... hope to see her soon before new year and also hope nothing happens to my ear.. =)

came home only this afternoon. went shopping with cousins yesterday, ended up i bought the most things. what can i say... i have a mental list of what to buy already what. bought a new jacket... lalala~ new bag too... am going shopping with mummy tmr again, to buy some neccesities. i am a happy girl~ didn't drink my "medcine" today... those who know me well enough would know what i am talking about.. it's sumthing i hafat drink everyday... i totally forgot abt it.. wonder if it would affect anything or not... ahahaha~ spent alot yesterday, draw and draw.. use and use nets... sign card also at tcc~ oh... if cousin you are reading this, i know you simply fell in love with the lava cake and you were damn fascinated with the oozing of "lava", ahaha... got chance, we'll go there eat again, k? watched london vodoo with my cousin yesterday.. half the time, i was pressing my ear until at the end of the show, it hurts.. it's a ok show only lah... not that fantastic.. reached home around 4... slept at 5. supposed to wake up this morning at 9 to go visit auntie aileen one.. but those two piggy cousins of mine simply can't get their body off the bed.. soo lazy.. so i fell asleep again.. and didn't wake up until 11. =) jie very nice... made tempura for me.. not too bad... prawns what.. what u expect.. anyway, am looking forward to the sakae treat.. so cousin.. don't play me out! i m waiting..

goood morning! just woke up from my beautiful sleep.. wouldn't have woke up so early if jie didn't call me. told me that auntie aileen and uncle edward got into a accident.. no major injuries, just some stitches and x-ray being scanned and the biggest relief is the kids are fine.. =) but the car is in a wreck, or so I heard, in a very bad shape... but what matters most is everyone's fine. played cards with mum last night and i lost.. she ar, forever luck so good when she plays with me one leh... luckily, didn't lose much... lost the money to a day's meal though. boring friday night.. stayed at home, so bored till i decided to play cards with mum... luckily, am going out later, or else i would go crazy.. can't coop me up at home for too long, although there are many things to be done at home but i just can't stat at home for long... gets soo bored...going town later.. to do more shopping.. ahahha then going clementi's pasar malam~~ yippee!!! like finally!!! =) i promise that i would stay at home tomorrow to get some things done at least... it's a promise to myself... am hungry again... i m such a pig! gonna cut my hair on monday.... abit can't bear to but it's for the new year.. sooo ya. might streak my hair next week though.. still considereing...

ahaha, just did a quiz which i took from eve's blog. say i like the sweet, shy type... hmmm.. quite true... but cannot be too shy also.. cannot get things done... lalala~ phew... finally have a chance to breathe. have been quite busy these days, endless of things to do at home. plus project work and homework... have been spending quite alot these days, decided not to go out after school so often, come straight home, so can save a little money.. i mean it's like only 6 days from the beginning of the month? went clementi to meet chin today, supposed to have dinner together and there's pasar malam at clementi!! i like!! the food there look sooo soo yummy!!! who wants to go there with me!!?? anyway, by the time chin arrived, she sae she got to go back to city hall to collect something... so i have to take train with her.. didn't get to enjoy walking round the pasar malam!!! =( i wan to go.. i want to go!! stupid chin... waste my time... am gonna make her pay for it lor... ahahha.. i am wicked... have been eating alot these days... feel soo fat. wonder what's wrong with me, eating non stop, spending so much money on food. hmmm.. must cut down if i wan to have money for new year clothes and if i want to look good. anyway, somethings aren't going very well.. but nonetheless, i already made my conclusion about things so i won't let it affect me. whatever happens, i would just deal with it.. won't die.

maybe somethings are just not right, the feeling is totally wrong.

You like the sweet, shy type.

What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
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i failed badly. my savings plan crashed and died! in less than 3 days, I've already spent 20 bucks! gosh... i only wanted to spend 8 bucks in slightly less than a week and look what happened. food is the cause of all these.... can't seem to reject the temptation of food... ahaha... well, think i better re-look my savings plan all over again. am at home now, hungry again. these few days can't really go out because firstly, i don't have the capital to be out hanging around and secondly, there's so much to be done at home. Projects piling up, homework... even if i don't attend lecture, i still gotta do my homework... Stayed in school till 5 today when I can actually go home at 2. Gems ended early today and I decided to accompany yan to the library to get my powerpoint started. It's been a long time since i last saw yan.. she's been very busy, no time to go out with me too.. =( anyway, sat at the computer for barely 2 hours and already my back is aching.. gosh.. am getting old. not only does my back ache when i sit too long in front of the computer... my knees ache when the weather's too cold.. sounds like grandmama... ahahhaa.. came home, rested and dozed off for a while then woke up, bathed and continued my powerpoint... don't feel like doing it at home so i am going to school to get it brushed up tmr during stats lecture... hopefully by then, everything would be ok. gotta go do my econs... and tmr's another long day with project meeting after school... *yawns* am tired... but *smiles*, life is great.

we are living in a extremely confusing world. who are you supposed to trust? anyway, I am way past the trust issue, it doesn't bother me anymore. I should not doubt myself and simply trust. I mean who else to trust but yourself. so what happens when your good friend trusts someone you have your doubts about? hmmm... best not to open your mouth and to watch the situation as it unfolds... i might be wrong but then again, i totally trust myself. and relationship between people... what ties people together, what makes them turn their back on them the next day? It can be quite scary if you think about it isn't it.... anyway, i guess i've found the few people that i can depend on. don't think i want to open up to anyone other than them, i mean it's the new me here... the one who has break through everything and come to this point. =) quite stressed up today. many things undone, don't know how to do... don't know how to get on... don't know where i spend all the time.. dunno why i so lazy.. sometimes on this type of day, just want someone on the other line that i can grumble and complain to... but i guess the new me is alone.. not in a bad way.. but independent.. am sure i can get it settled so no worries... so i figure the most simple way to get things done is to do and do.... tired just sleep... awake, just do everything that has to be done, why stop and think.. time won't wait.. and no one would too. the whole world is still moving on.. and i don't see why i should be different...

if you want to do something, do not be afraid, just go ahead. you might be surprised.

chin and me at orchard mrt.... =) she insists she wants to be the main person in the picture and i am only the supporting role. this explains her big face. ahaha

i see sweetness out there. is it for me? i'm known for my bad judgement anyway so I'll leave it as it is. If it's intended for me, there would be more to come isn't it? meanwhile, I'll leave as that. first day of school in the new year, though it's the 4th week in school already. wore new clothes and carried a new bag. lalala~ bought my new bag yesterday, not very impressive lah, just a change. bought a top from topshop yesterday... *smiles* and already I am aiming for another top from topshop but no! today is only the third and I am feeling rather broke already. took midnight cab home last night... it's been a long time since i take a cab that cost almost 20 bucks! I am going to limit myself to 8 bucks for the rest of this week and I can only spend this much. If everything goes smoothly for my big savings plan, then i can reward myself with that top! ahaha, first day in the new year and already I ponned one lesson.. naughty me but who cares. was really tired and since i didn't prepare tutorial like i promised myslef that I would, I might as well not go. had spss ca today... oh well, hope I won't fail it. went to visit grandma after i self-dismissed myself from school. what a fillial granddaughter I am. ahaha, and i was rewarded because grandma gave me $$... lalala~ okie. time to go bathe and get some work done... =) *hugs*

brrrr... it's sooo cold, yes, even in my house. it's been raining and raining, makes me want to get a nice sweater even more. Anyway, happy new year to one and all! I know this is a little late but haven't got a chance to blog ever since the last entry. I feel great. I feel like a changed person, only this time, I am changing for the better. Found out that you don't need a special someone to feel bliss because right now, given my current status, I feel blissed! It's all in the mind, really. maybe it's some external factor that helped me feel this way. somehow or another, it definitely has to have some connection. It's 2005. Time to work hard, time to self-motivate, time to bring out the power in me to work and strive hard for everything. heard something last night and it kinda affected me but not much though. I just gotta prove my worth. action do speak louder than words, so just wait and see. ahaha, am simply feeling good that's why. how's everyone getting along? drop me a line or a message to let me know, k... miss all of you alot and i want to meet up, to catch up! yay!! the rain has stopped. time for me to go get ready and head to town for my shopping session! *smiles*

It's the last day of 2004. Many things happened. Had my fair share of happy and sad memories. Some memories that I still smile to and also some I rather keep and lock them up somewhere deep in my heart. New school which I am still adapting to. I won't give up no matter how tough some days may be; or how much i don't understand a thing about what the lecturers said. New year, new start and of course I always like to start my year with shopping! New template to begin my year with too. Thanks everyone who has been worried about me, who has been affected by me. In anyway that I've failed to do my part as a good friend, I offer my most sincere apologies. Bad memories has to go away and it's you guys around me that make it easier for me. I thank God for having friends like you all. You guys are really great. I thank a special someone out there who has been there through out listening and just simply being there, i promise you I would pick myself up from where I fell. No more signs of weakness from me. I too can be a survivor. New year with a new goal and new wishes. I simply hope I can still pick up from where I left off without much difficulty. But even with the difficulty, I would still hang on. Humans are not perfect, they make errors on the way. What matters most is you know where you go wrong and start anew, bearing in mind never to repeat them again. Survivors are people who pick themselves up after they fall and I want to be one too. And once again, thank you all my dear friends. Whether you know it or not, I really do appreciate all of you. God is fair and he always is. I love you guys. Muacks! Have a nice year ahead and keep me in your prayers while I'll keep you all in mine too. Hope everyone would stay happy and this is my new year wish.

i made this discovery long time ago, didn't bother me that much then but someone reminded me again now and this time, it really hit into my heart. leona=alone. the letters of my name can form the word alone. it's fated. people always say fate can be changed and this is what i say to others too but bullshit, it's so hard to change fate. so difficult, so torturing that it ends up hurting you more. i really hate x'mas. period. and this is the finaly conclusion. everyone out there are happy, with their beloved. so many couples out there that it makes me sick. why is everyone so goddamn happy about x'mas except me. why is everyone so fucking living in bliss except me. fuck, someone just take me away so i don't have to face all these shit.. somone just come.. please.....

Not very long ago, there was this 17 year old girl.
She was thrown into the deep end of the pool and she didn't know how to swim.
She struggled.
She thought she would die.
Then, she gave up totally.
She wanted to die.
As she sinked deeper and deeper into the pool, she realised how stupid she had been all this while.
There were floats around her to keep her alive but she chose not to see it.
She finally saw the light and she decided to give it a shot.
She struggled.
She reached out.
The float was just within her grasp.
And she got it.
She's saved.
However, it would be a long long time later when she would dare step anywhere near the pool again.

i can see my own damn flaws getting bigger and bigger in front of me, causing myself to see a very ugly side of me every single day. and it just don't get better. is rejection that difficult or is it just my own poor will. all the ugly evil creatures are eating me, biting me slowly and it hurts. it has always hurt. i've said once, i prefer hearing things being spoken to me rather than feel the things happening in front of me. because words do not lie. they are just thrown in front of you whether you like it or not but feelings can be wrong. i do trust my own instinct but they always tell me something negative... so i choose not to trust them. i want to hear it for myself. and true enough when i hear it, i don't like it. this sux.... it still hurts. ya, because i am young... whatever. this is not going to affect any part of my life. i can still do well in school, be a good friend to others. but leading a close to normal life doesn't mean it's normal. it's only close. and even if i m not wallowing in self pity, it doesn't mean that i stop hurting... wounds have not heal and already fresh wounds are up... what's this.... what's all this about.

seeing everyone living in bliss and contentment makes me wonder what's the true definition of bliss. i thought life was a bliss for me. i thought i found my true happiness but fate was cruel and unkind, it had to take everything away from me. leaving me nothing but a broken heart. i hate to admit this and i don't want to but i truly m*ss her. i know things are not the same for us and they never will ever be the same again but my heart refuses to listen to my head. my head always tells me to think logically and act practically but i was given a very rebellious heart who choose to let itself be shred and torn by the person i l*ve most. sometimes in my child-like mind, i asked myself why am i not chosen. why am i the one being abandoned. this black and dark pit feels so cold and empty. it's so cold in here. i just want to be someone by your side and to stay with you whether you are happy or sad, i guess it's too much to ask for. why say i am making assumptions when sometimes, your action already speak louder than words. your action tells all, i just chose to live in a world of deceit. here in my dark pit, i am surrounded by artificial affection and action. though not real, each and every thing that's passed to me slices my poor heart up even more. as this girl here sits in her pit, waiting for her only sunshine to come rescue her, tears well up because she knows deep down that her only sunshine would never rescue her ever again like the way she did long ago. memories of the past flashes back like it just happened yesterday. so, what's the real definition of bliss?

have you ever stand in a crowded public area and feel like screaming your head off at no one in particular? i have. have you ever wish for something so hard that you thought you might just die from wishing? i have. have you ever felt as if you simply have no control over your life and that you are just somone else viewing your life? i have. i don't like all these feelings.... i hate it. everyone says i am stronger or that i will get better. and i should take things as it comes. do they know how i really feel? it's ok. no one understands and i don;t want anyone to understand too.. what's the point... even if someone understands, i would still have all those feelings mentioned above... and everything still hurts alot.

everyone gives in to temptation at times. I am no exception. and i paid a great price for it. there are marks to prove it but whatever that's outside would heal. i am not sure about the inside and believe me, i don't care anymore. if this is what everyone wants to see on the outsider, then so be it. i can give it to them. it is easier to be a crowd pleaser, at least you know what to do. nothing can be tougher than dealing with yourself. no wonder there's da old saying. your greatest enemy is nobody but yourself... seriously... nothing can hurt me more than myself... and maybe it's down to one sentence. i don't care anymore. it doesn't matter whatever happens... this is fated. this is my goddamn pathetic life.

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

Looking into your eyes
I see no retreat
I see no backing away
All I see is the ugly truth you've brought to me

It doesn't matter how much I despaired
how much I care
The truth that you've brought to me only tells me
That there's no turning back

I see us in the future
I'm willing to be your one
I want to be by your side for as long as possible
if only you'd let me

I've given you my heart
only to be trampled on by you
why are you so cruel
to leave me alone

I pray to God that one day i would heal
but before that day arrive
I find that I may never feel
all because I love you so real

I've tried and I've given up. I told myself to move on and forget. I told myself not to look back. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to force myself to forget anymore because the fact is i can't. why bother to force myself when at the end of the day, I still see tears rolling down from my eyes. I am tired of pretending i am ok. I don't want to let those people who care about me down. I really truly want to tell you all I am okie and mean it but i can't. I can't stop the occasional tears that threatened to roll down. I suddenly want to question, what have I done to deserve this. Have I not been nice enough.. or have i not done enough charity. all I want is to be happy.. am i asking too much? why is happiness being taken away from me just like that. I dreamt and painted a beautiful picture of us in the future... why is it so easily destroyed. why am i not the chosen one. is it too much just to ask for happiness. I won't even be greedy. I just want a little bit... a little bit. i promise to be a really good girl? dun ask me whether m i ok anymore.. am tired of hearing that.. cos i really dunno what to say.... this is so difficult...especially when i m ill. why must i fall sick when no one's by my side to take care of me... i m not strong... though i really want to be... i really am not strong. you made me strong and proud to be living but you took that away from me. you made mi live with you beside me and now you choose to walk away. in what way m i not good... all my hopes and dreams are crushed. i want to do well and pursue a good career in the future with you beside me. encouraging me, supporting me. i've got pretty much nothing to lose now. why must this happen to me. came across this word, recluse. am pretty much like one now. this hurts. every single day i breathe, my wound just expand summore... hurts like hell.

who ever said that being bad is very easy is lying. what happened to the guilt department? I'm pretty sure that part stands a very big portion in everyone's heart. of course, I am not inlcuding those heartless people. how bad I want to get, I can't be. sad to say, I might truly be a good person right from the bottom of my heart. I am not saying being bad just means stealing, robbing, smoking and drinking. That's only on the surface... people who are truly bad do bigger things.. like terrorists? or people who plot and scheme against others. I want to become like that too but before I can think any further, I got stuck in the guilt department as usual. I can't plot. I can't scheme. maybe that's why i can never win. I am just too nice for my own good. this is just one of my weakness... there are actually more. can't afford to say it all at one shot. if i do, I would just have to kill myself at the end because I am too ashamed to face the world. This sux. and it's been long since i said it. Life sux.

F:

You've come upon a Rough
Stretch. Canyou make it through? You've come upon hard times.
Things aren't looking so goodto you and your life has seem to collapse into a
downward spiral. You've lostyour way and can't seem to find the right path to
take. You are probablydepressed and feeling lonely as you've lost sight
of those who love you. You maywander through this road with a few others like you
and are able to comfort themas they comfort you, but it is not enough. You've
lost something, maybe someoneclose, and with it you lost your faith in life.
You're probably confused andunsure what to do next. But the way will become
clear eventually. It alwaysdoes. This stretch that lies before you seems
never-ending and not worthtraveling. But don't let yourself fall, you may
have stumbled upon this,but pick yourself up as best you can and hold on to
that little bit of faith youhave. The road isn't as endless as it seems. All
things, good and bad must cometo and end. This too shall pass and you'll be
amazed at what good lay beyond itif you just find the strength within yourself to
try and make it.

we broke up. woah, I am amazed that I could even bring myself to type these wrods. but anyway, it's a fact. I've done everything a woman can possibly do when heartbroken. I've cried. I've despaired. I've asked God why is it so unfair. I've asked everyone is it my fault. I've been blaming myself, blaming her. cursing and swearing. and last night was the final straw. It just serve no purpose if i keep complaining to my friends.. keep crying to my friends, keep telling my friends how miserable i felt, i need to tell this to the person who caused it all and ta da, i acted like a crazy woman on the phone last night. I just kept scolding her without any hold back. it just came all out.. all of it.. the tears, all the words. what's the point of keeping those words to myself anymore when i can't even retain the heart. I know one fine day, i m going to wake up and realised how stupid i was to do such a thing. and what a disgrace i was but it helped. alot. i really felt much better. but i am still not ready to see her or hear her voice or anything. not ready to hear who she might like.. or who she have a crush on. it's just too much. so ya, i need time. when i am ready, i know i would be a much better person. yan say i am a strong person. am i really one.. i really got to find out myself.

woah. all the accumulated small sickness here and there finally lead to the final breakdown. was running a temperature of 39.5 degrees and it stayed this way for half the afternoon. actually, was feeling a little sick, had cough last night. i thought it would go away, but it didn't this morning. moreover, i was feeling freaking pissed off this morning. went to work, my cough didn't get better... wasn't soo angry but still didn't feel good. den came the last straw. just when i was about to leave work for home, which i simply can't wait, the rain came.... it's not that i didn't want to stay there longer to wait for the rain to stop, but i had nothing to do even if i stayed down there. so i walked to the mrt station in the rain. almost died when i was jay walking. mi slippers were so slippery that they came off. right in the middle of the road! gosh.. i had to walk back to the middle of the road to retrieve it. den and there, i thought i would die... but this is nothing compared to after i came home. was feeling very very miserable.... and terrible... no appetite... and like m coughing and sneezing non stop... temperature as high as ever.. i really thought i would die? cos like i was literally burning from the inside.... and yet at the same time, felt sooo cold... gosh... i m such a weakling... i know that, so i don't need anyone to remind me that, thank you very much. *sneeze and sneeze*
~am on a medical vacation~
might take a long time to recover... but.. oh well....

just woke up not too long ago. it's always at other people's hse that i can sleep in for so long. it feels good. everything feels good. it feels good that jie is finally back! ahaha, had nose bleeding last night. damn scary.. and those 2 heartless cousins of mine sae it's a usual thing for me so they totally ignored me.. hmph! could have slept longer today but i woke up because mi nose bleeding started again... woah... must be really heaty. had very nice dreams.... *smiles* things that can only happen in my dreams now. things i can only hear in my dreams now. sigh. being in my cousins' hse brought back lotsa memories... though all of us are different in some ways or others now, there are still some factors that will not change. no matter what happenes, we wld still be together and i know they still love mi. =) thanx everyone for being there physically or mentally.. wadever it is.. u guys have been great. at least i am not alone. i know i will never be right... =) jie is back... and she's looking for a job.. mi the other cousin will only finish her o levels tommorow. and after that, she's gonna be soo busy. that leaves me, still soo free.. hanging around... well, at least i have a job... lalala.. life still goes on... here's the old line from Johnsons' and Johnsons'--- no more tears.

i am totally shattered.

what a rainy rainy day. the end of my jeans never seem to be dry. was feeling rather uncomfortable yesterday, took panadols and went to sleep. had a rather good sleep, so good till i was late to meet xuanming. we are meeting the rest of them at ps to watch movie. okie.. here's the thing. i watched shutter with them today. leona went to watch a scary movie... wad an achievement yea? ahaha, everyone please sae they are proud of me... however, half the time i was covering my ears and another half covering my eyes. i dun really dare to watch the screen as a whole so i watched them from a corner of my eyes or something. anyway, i m very irritated with those 'kids' sitting behind us.. scared then sae scared lah.. a while scream scream abit.. a while giggle soo much.. den keep kicking the chair.. wahlao.. they are damn noisy and annoying lor... grrr.... after the movie.. we headed to the cc for the kindergarten graduation. lalala.. it's finally the day of graduation.... very noisy... with parents all around.. sum kids playing loudy... sum kids crying.. for wad i dunno.. ahaha.. many problems cropped up today.. such as the stage curtain could not open... it was really rather embarrassing.. cos the mp was sitting down liao and we took a long time to figure things out.. had to push forward sum other items... ahaha.. den it was the snow white skit... haik.. their voices can't even be picked up by the microphones lor! haik.. luckily the dance turned out fine... and i even shook hands with the mp todae.. the doctor vivien sumthing... they gave us a token of appreciation.. a gift from body shop.. ahahha... cool... i m starting to miss those kids... it's always like this... few months of practise all for one night.. and it's gone just like that..

i have no idea what is going on but my body is feeling damn hot and i m feeling cold from the inside. my head hurts and da same goes for my feet as well. i can explain why my feet hurts though. today is the first day of mi work, stand for a rather long time. actually, this is nothing compared to those daes where i had to work at the food court.. i mean wad.. i had to work 12 hours. i guessed it's just that it's been so long since i worked... have been slacking and lazing around.. and tt's why now just start working.. a while tired liao... need to get used to working... can't blog anymore... mi head really hurts and m really feeling hot... i m not sooo pathetic right.. where got work one day sick liao...

happy birthday charmaine! that ger ar, got alot and alot to tok abt.. a slightly better version of cf. ahaha, a rather packed day. woke up early this morning and headed straight to the kindergarten or rather the cc as they are having a full dress rehearsal there. woah, very hectic.. eveyone is very frantic.. not very organised and as u can imagine, putting soo many little boys and girls there, the amount of noise level you get. you can't hear very well in there. hmmm, the items that we are in charge of didn't turn out very well and we wun have another rehearsal anymore until the actual day, m afraid it wun come out well. i mean what does it reflect on us. haik, wld see how it goes on friday. i m actually anticipating that day to come. another function that can dress up a little. wooo... =) after the kindergarten thingy, rushed back from buona vista to have organ lesson.. and after i came out from the showers, she already reached my place.. and by the time the lesson ends, i need to rush to bugis to meet the rest... note that from morning until 5 plus in the evening.. i did not eat anything! and mi transportation fees increases rapidly! after meeting all of them except the bdae girl of cos, we went straight to buy birthday cake and flowers... and then yan, cf and angel headed to phin's while boon and i waited for charmaine to reach bugis... i waited and waited and my tummy growling and growling. after char arrives, we rushed to phin's. nice place. but i waited for a very long time before mi food came and hello? i m the one who did not eat a thing since morning.. i waited almost a hour for mi food.. luckily, i also ordered a mushroom soup that came earlier. it was a mega talking session with charmaine taking the lead.. i dun mind cos didn't really feel like toking much.. too hungry u see. den pic takin.. forgot to bring my samsung fone there... wad a waste! sang bdae song.. ate cake.. and we are ready to leave... hanged around at bugis with char and yan while the rest of them went home first. the 3 of us soo poor thing.. with blisters on our feet.. ahaha, vain mah.. 3 of us wear heels! mine not soo bad as yan and char wan.. and then fx came to pick us up and send char and i home.. lalala.. save $$ on transportation... =) soo here i m home.. ready to bathe and watch my show.

charmaine and me.... though not perfect bodies... but close lah.. hor?? ahaha  

what's wrong with mediacorp! what's wrong with the champions!? what's wrong with the scriptwriter? izzit scared the ending he or she write we wun like it? tt's y need viewers to vote for the ending.. sooo crappy right!? soooo damn crappy! summore wld show the ending only tmr??? what the hell... i wun be home to watch tmr lor! crap crap crap! went sentosa today with charmaine, winnie and cf. ahaha, no sun. my mama will love it manz. and i did sumthing soo brave today that even i m proud of myself. i swam across the waters!! i know it's no big deal to sum people out there but it's a great achievement for mi u noe. sumone like me soo scared of leg not being able to touch the ground can swim across... by the time i got there, i m soo breathless! i really feel sooo dead and giddy!!! i felt as if i just went through an ordeal! ahaha, i rested a damn long time that i even ask cf go back first cos she swam there with me. i rested and rested.. finally decided to swim back.. felt sooo terrible after that.. head soo giddy.. just feel like dropping down and die! i drank soo much water.. the water is soooo salty... it will be a long long time later after i decided to be ambitious again... after that, 4 of us went sakae to eat... wow.. it was a damn rushy meal manz.. if charmaine reads this, she will noe why.. but i decided not to spoil her beautiful reputation by saying this cos by 12 midnight.. it's her birthday! ahaha... sooo her parents send mi back.. dozed off a little on the car... had a very scary experience crossing many many big roads at a time.. thoughy anytime i wld just hear BANG! and i wld lie there flat! ahaha.. anyway, m safely home.. tmr is kindergarten day... wooo... full dress rehearsal manz.. good luck to those kids... maybe i wld miss them... =)

i guess things are all over. or rather, i would choose to think this way. no answers, no replies. things are getting d.i.f.f.e.r.e.n.t. i don't know how to handle them anymore. time to get back on track. even if i don't, the whole world is still moving on. people are still having o levels, people are still working day in, day out. nothing's changed. everyone seemed to be moving so fast ahead that no one actually heard my heart breaking into pieces. just a tiny sound. i don't want to cry for help. i don't need help. what's the point. on the track to recovery, allow me to sae i miss you. i know that she probably won't care. but i can't help it. i really do. looks like i m destined to spend every x'mas alone. that's why i hate x'mas that much. thought i wld change my opinion this year, everything is destined.

I am not happy. I am tired but who else can i blame except my goddamn self. you have been patient with me, more than your usual self can allow. you have been tolerating. you have been very good to me. what more can i ask from you? you are just what i want and need so what's with me being unreasonable. me being petty, me being overly sensitive and emotional, me being a freaking bitch. one whom everyone wants to avoid at all costs. i m surprised at your patience and i m very thankful for it so why am i being such a greedy bitch? this is the cause of my unhappiness. all the fault lies in me. why do i always like to spoil every perfect moment. every little unhappiness and argument these daes are caused by none other than me. i want to bring you happiness. be an angel guarding and protecting you. but an angel does not cause you to frown. an angel should not even make you unhappy. i failed terribly and i am ashamed. maybe i m really tired. physically and it can be seen on my face. my freaking eye rings are getting worse and i look like a bloody drug addict. pale and lifeless.

sorry baby for everything. I don't want you to be upset and much less, see you frown. It's me and my greed that cause my unhappiness. You have been great. Thanx for everything you've done. I m blessed to have you. really. do bear with me at times when i am nothing but a childish brat. i m sorry...

me when i was over at her place. =) i like this particular picture.. both wearing white... pure and lovely! =) 

here i am again at my darling's house or else i wun be able to blog anyway. was a tiring day, didn't sleep at all from yesterday until this morning at 10 am. finally bought mi jigsaw puzzle... very nice. with many sunflowers. 1000 pieces and i tink i m addicted. can't stop wanting to finish it up.. i love it. m shure it can take away my concentration for sum unwanted stuff. way to go gal! okie, so friday, i went for mi class bbq. not the whole class was there though, just a few of us. tonight is the night where most of our classmates wld be there but i have decided to give it a miss cos i wanna spend time with my dearest. she's off today and on ph tmr.. =) the bbq was alright. not bad but not great. i like the stingray though, jack marinated it himself. he's very proud of it i noe. however, his marinated chix wings is too salty... there's also otah, dough sticks (first time eating this at a bbq), prawns, i didnt eat much cos i was too lazy to peel, and there's no sausages! hmph! n no prok tt he sae he wld marinate, ahaha, but i tink tonight wld be the more food night.. oh well, i have my dear. =) we are gonna eat steamboat later. anyway, after the bbq, hanged out there a while to play daidee and bit bit mahjong. or rather, i was watching pple play mahjong. too many pple, can't all play at the same time. after i left the place, headed straight to baby's place to bathe and off we headed to town to watch princess diaries 2. i noe she's not very keen abt watching this show. she tinks the money wun be worth it. but i like! sooo.. ahaha. after the show ended abt 4 plus, she drove us back and by the time we were on the bed, it's 5... i decided to watch singapore idol (she recorded for me) and by the time we watched finish, her parents are up and we decided to go out for dimsum breakfast. woah... i was quite stony at the breakfast table. felt like i was floating...kept yawning. baby and i wanted to go town to get bedsheets. however, the shops are not opened at like 9 plus in the morning. when reached home, i literally died on the bed. slept from ten plus this morning to abt 4:30 in the afternoon.. =) felt much much better after the sleep. woke up and did sum cleaning up of the room with her. =) i wun do this at home for my bedroom wan lor. power of love manz.. =) gotta go bathe soon and head out to eat steamboat with her... lalala~

me and xiuwen at coffeebean todae. met up with her... m missing her already. can't wait to see her again. i miss all my frens... 

I can't blog at home!! there's something wrong with my computer... =( haik, m at her house now then better faster blog. have been leading rather meaningless life ever since my exams ended. hmm, waiting for my results now. went to the kindergarten just now. since our exams ended and their graduation day is nearing, we need to go there more often and get them to practise their dance steps and their skit. gosh, those kids are after my blood can. they are so loud and noisy, even worse than putting three women together, which is said to be like a market. i tink iwas on the edge to vomit blood can. i shouted, i showed black face, i showed attitude. i threatened them, scolded them and insulted them. i did everything that i can possibly do. gosh. what's wrong with them, i m not even asking them to perfect their performance, just asking them to shut up for once, and they can't even do that. yucks. the highlight of the day is that baby went to the kindergarten to pick me up.. sooo sweet of her. =) i made sushi for her yesterday and gave it to her.. baby only gave mi 5 marks. =( nvm.. i noe where the fault lies in. if i have the time and energy and the interest, i shall make it for her again. m glad i passed and at least she finished all the sushi. =) exams ended liao.. what should i do manz... hmmm.... m really bored.. waiting for all those jc pple to finish their pw.. someone date mi out! now! fast please... bored... something not very nice happened on monday. make mi pause to think. i want to take a holiday being myself cos if i continue being myself, there's no way i can get what i want. it's time to learn again, dun let mi guard down. things wld never be happily ever after and that i can't take things for granted yea.. anyway, looking forward to this weekend. wun get another chance to blog till den.

angel and I before the concert.. miss u.... meet up again to do more catching up okie? 

i've just look into the mirror. i dun like what i saw. i dun look good and i m frowning damn badly. it doesn't help at all when i came home and the lights outside my house are flickering. m having a splitting headache. everywhere hurts! had econs exam today. not good. flipped out. everything went wrong. not enough time. just hope i can pass. it's just a very small wish of mine. after econs, went clementi for lunch. not a good lunch... =( went to kindergarten after that to teach those kids. took a bus there, guess the bus was too jerky, by the time i reached the kindergarten, my head is soo pain that i feel that they are gonna burst. this sux. luckily, todae the kids weren't that bad, so this is the first thing tt actually went well. wow... met up wtih angel and yan at tampines after that. another good thing tt happened. it's good to just sit around and chat, m sure there are lotsa things to tok abt. had another sucky meal. what's the point of eating when everything seemed to taste worse than the one before. before we actually could warm our seats, we headed to tj to watch a choir concert. i asked myself, y did i even agree to sue to come, but guessed i didn't regret it after all, it was good. especially the second part, more of entertaining i supposed. but not too bad. after we parted, took bus no, 12 and it took me 10 seconds on the bus to realise i m on the wrong side. so i got off the next stop, climbed the overhead bridge and luckily, bus 12 came soon after. wah, 3 things i ought to be happy abt today.. wah... soo many when there are a thousand things tt i m not happy abt. this sux. alot. came home and mi head really really hurts. m i suffering from sum brain tumour. gosh, just let mi die. this is worse than hell. living is worse. =( y izzit that sum tacky guy think it's appropriate to buy girls mac's hello kitty?? excuse me? hello kitty is worse enough, althought people were crazy over them a few years back but now? mac's hello kitty is worse! what's wrong with guys? do they have hay for brains or something? i've done mean things but i really didn't do it on purpose. didn't noe tt people wld not like it so much. i m sorry. i m sincere, just tired. tired of everything. hate exams. end soon please. and relieve mi from torture. pure hatred. =(

stayed at home the whole day to study econs. gosh, what's with perfect competition and monopoly etc. they are driving mi a little nuts. i tot i studied finish today but suddenly, everything seemed to disappear from my memory, wad's demand and wad's supply?! gosh, m soo stressed... think i m suffering from nervous breakdown. m always like tt. feel the urge of exam only during the last min.. i m sooo nervous.. dun tink i wld do well. =( but i studied!! haik. shall continue studying.. looks like i wun be able to sleep well tonight.

me and her on the train heading towards bugis... sweets...=) 

*smiles* a beautiful day. feeling good, still smiling. took a break from studying and went to watch 2046 with her. it's a very arty farty show but it's good. nice scenes, pretty people to look at and this show makes mi pause and think, ponder, wonder. that stupid ah yan sae i watch this show sure fall asleep one so listen there!! i didn't sleep, k! in fact, i appreciated the show! ahahaha. after the show, me and her went to bugis to eat steamboat, our all time favourite. steamboat taste even better, so much better on rainy and chilly days. kinda not going to meet up after tonight for the whole of next week so that i can concentrate on my studies. m missing her badly... it's a chilly night and i want to be in her arms.
I want to be your angel, to protect you and shield you from things that would harm you. i want to bring you nothing but more smiles and warmth in your life. being with you always makes me the happiest woman alive. to hold your hand, to be in your arms simply bring a smile to my face. and all i want is to be in your arms always... =) i miss you.

am currently sitting in front of the computer at my dearest's house. came over her place at noon, ate a good lunch today and piak, back into my books. she insist i must study or else no dinner for me, so stupid right, like mother like that, but this threaten wun work. she noes it and i noe it too. cos mi dearest wld definitely feed me to the fullest, *smilez* this explains how come i m putting on weight... hmph... after studying for like 2 and a half hours with her sleeping beside me, cldn't take it, marketing tb just doesn't seem as tempting as her so i went to sleep but i studied, k! cannot accuse mi! slept till 6 when she wakes up to go cook dinner for me. this is bliss. i m loving every moment i m spending with her. i love her bed, love her cooking, not cos it's world class food but because she actually took effort to cook for mi and because it's her! everything seems so perfect at this moment. i wun allow anyone to come spoil my heaven. You make me th happiest woman ever. *hugs* =)

my itab is a gone case. I am so going to flunk it! haik, not enough time to tink thru how to do it, didn't complete my chart, didn't complete my formula questions and didn't even touch on macro. wow, wad an achievement yea? m home early today. i was very lazy just now, when i reached tampines mall, i was soo lazy to take a bus home so i decided to ask daddy come pick mi and he did... so sweet of him to make an extra mile to come pick mi. reached home, slacked around then went out for dinner till now. m gonna take a bath soon to freshen myself so that i can officially start studying. gosh, m so full. feel like a pig.. =( i realised how much i loathe sweet talkers. they are just a bunch of people who lie right thru their teeth and bullshit through all the way. so why oh why, there are stupid women in this world willingto fall for them? izzit deprivation or what? i wonder... sch is getting more and more tiring. facing people who annoy me, carefully hiding my feelings away so that no one sees them or hear wad bad things i gotta sae. u never noe when this piece of news wld spread directly to the person's ears. m i just out in this battlefield alone? is this what my life from now is abt? it doesn't seem very attractive but i wld fight, i wld move on~

am counting down to my doom. m in the library now, trying so hard to figure itab out, so hard that I forgot to call my dearest up and so hard, mi head actually hurts. Can't wait to get this over and done with so I can go home and start studying. now, even studies appeal to me more than itab. =( this is the consequences of constantly surfing and blogging during itab lesson, ahaha, excel is soo difficult. What's with the so many functions! IF? AND? OR? COUNTIF? LOOKUP? what the hell are all those manz! i dun care anymore. I wanna pass.. let's hope that I do. I m quite tired, if there's no test later, I wld probably be at home sleeping away like a log but... Mi thighs are aching... my jeans feel soo tight. I am soo fat... ahaha, I sound like sumone who got eating disorders but i dun! when i m with her, how can i have eating disorders.. we eat like pigs.. =) aniway, Happy 38th Monthsary to my Nu Peng You! I miss you alot alot too! can't wait to see you again, promise mi we must meet, k?

balance. take and also not forgetting to give. trust. I spent a beautiful sunday with my dearest. went over in the morning. her mum bought duck rice for us... hmmm, it was not too bad but i dun eat duck skin and duck wings? so tt silly ger sae i picly abt food. >( overall, it's still not too bad, k? we watched a recorded singapore idols cos both of us missed it that dae.. quite disappointing but anyway, it's too late to comment abt anything cos the results are out. m very happy jerry is out.. why is no one doing anything to cover his dark eye rings. not sae i m in any position to comment abt his.. mine's getting worse.. dun even wan to tok abt it but he's on tv!! so he shld do sumthing abt it.. well, he's out.. good ridance. attempted to study accounts after that.. hmmm... did a few chapters but keep falling asleep. was studying in another room so i tot i wld go to baby's room and check out what she's doing. she's sleeping!!! i tried to go back to my books after that, but it's impossible!! so i joined her in bed... good sleep we had.. =) woke up and cooked maggie to eat... it was a good day but i promised her and promised myself that i wld do revision and really spent quality time studying starting frm tmr... with u by my side, everything seems reachable and possible. i bette go do sum planning and start making frens with accounts, econs and marketing... ha =)

alright, just call me a bitch. maybe i m just too much to handle, wad can i say to a bunch of people who haven't grown up. well, welcome to the reality world with bitches and bastards around. learn it this way manz, i m not considered the worst, i can be worse than this. this is nothing. u tink the world full of nice people all around for u? oh pls.. tink twice! and pls, grow up manz. this is really nothing. i can be even harder and more bitter than this. oh gosh, someone kill mi. i hate this world, full of pretense and everyone is so fake! ew! can't take it, leave this world then... leave mi then. no pretend to be so nice in front of mi when u dun mean it. dun test mi patience.. hu do u tink u are. in this world, i wld only tolerate mi person and just too bad, u dun have the honour to be that person. i finally understood when eve said it is actually quite good to be alone at home. i totally understand it liao. i wan to be alone. to be shut in the house. i dun wan to go out. i dun wan to face anyone, anyone at all. dun tok to mi, dun come near mi. i m so ready to kill. fuck it! i hate this world, i really do. it onli makes mi wan to climb even higher and crush everyone under my feet. i m not going to show any merci, cos i really hate this world. fuck!

i m confused to what to do and what not to do. if i m nice, and loosen mi grip, will u stray away from me and betray me? if i tighten the grip, you would most probably leave mi even earlier and hate mi for controlling you. wadever!

it's a beautiful Friday morning. I had a good breakfast. watching a good show. It's gonna be a good day if I were to stay at home and face books. I don't even mind facing books but no, I m going to this kindergarten, a hell to face all those little terrors. They are just going to drive me so mad! gosh.. no mood to blog liao... i just wanna go get it over and done with... =(

depression. looking at my reflection everywhere, my self-esteem gets lower. m seriously getting fatter. i wld never forget how difficult it is for me to get out of my shell, but feel that i m crawling back in slowly again. i miss my friends. all of them. i feel like i m out in the open world and m getting hurt and just suffering from the cruelity of the outside world, i just wanna run into the arms of my frens, with them telling me everything wld be fine. with them patting on my back and telling me it wld be okie... bad times wld be over. thinking about them now actually brings tears to my eyes. how i wan to meet up with them now, right at this moment, but no, time tells mi i gotta do sum serious studying. there are two types of people. one put worries aside and leave to fate and one bring worries in and hoping to change their fate... sad to say, i belong to the second one... hmmm, nothing else is more impt now than studying... after exams can meet mi frens liao.. i really really miss you guys alot...

Friendship is a collection of hearts, ready to give, share and understand. It never fades and never ends, it only reminds us Life is not perfect without a friend.

m having a very bad time. m growing fatter and fatter each day and my skin is getting dryer and dryer. looking more and more haggard like a freaking drug addict. m not appealing.. lost mi appeal and charm... ahaha, not sae i have alot to begin with. now, even worse, hu the hell would look at mi! gosh!!! dun feel good... =( went to school todae for stats and marketing. last stats tutorial, we had an open book online ca... scored a 100 for it.. good, at least that's a confirmed 5 marks for me. after that tragedy of failing mi first ca. not good in sch. wad's wrong with people. if u are not happy with thigs, jusr spill it out, why cause people to think and ponder, wonder what in da hell did they do wrong. moods were dampened. people can't stop thinking, they just think and not talk at all... it makes things awkward. maybe i m not in da situation.. tt's why i can sae things soo easily now, but what is actually wrong?i dunno and i dun have the time to go ponder these things now. tot todae is da last marketing lecture but no, she had to drop a big and fat bomb that got all of us soo pissed off with her... we have to wake up early thurs morn to go attend her lecture on wad? direct marketing... freak... had organ lesson todae, like after a long long time... went to eat dinner with dad.. and came back and do mi powerpoint, wanted to make it pretty, but i guess it's not pretty... i put in da effort... i dunno wad else can i do about it liao.... haik.. =( gotta go type out mi notes already. time for some mini revision.

the feeling is coming back and I don't like it one little bit. you won't like it too. what the hell is wrong with me!? i should have known, I should have known. things were just not tt beautiful and it never will be. I m back to square one.. leona, walk on.. please walk on and move on!!! and stop deceiving yourself... everything is soo fucked up. =(

yummy tom yam steamboat 

woah, damn tired todae. came back, my feet hurts like hell and i feel sooo hot and oily. i went to take a bath and intending to take a short nap. but yan called. anyway, m glad i pick up da fone. girl, take it easy, k? i understand how u feel yet on the other hand, i hafta stay neutral to be a better judge of the situation. anyway, wld keep u in my prayers, meanwhile, take care and study hard. anyway, had a very good and relaxing sundae with dearest yesterday. watched many vcds, took a mini nap and went tbp. we intended to eat thai express or sakae, however, we found this rajainn or sumthing like tt... cannot remember the exact name.. it was a pleasant surprise and she loved the food dere. it's very economical too.. we are gonna go back dere sooon.. met jean yesterdae.. and ya, the tom yum is fantastic!! yummy!! ahhaa, drank coffee bean and wate da cake after tt... woah.. full manz.. but it feels good.. i like this type of sunday.. =) i better got offline sooon.. she's waiting for mi to call. anyway.. i can't stand cel***e's new stead... ewwww... yuck!!!! m sure amelia wld agree with mi... right??

monday blues. tired. feet hurts. sucky shoe. it looks good but the owner doesn't feel good. new shoes. =( formal presentation this morning. i was so nervous that i couldn't balance, mi leg was shaking but luckily, no one saw, so it's a secret... shhhh... got back accounts. was expecting to fail but i didn't. however, i dun feel satisfied cos i dun really understood wad i wrote or wad i did in da papers. none of the things i wrote is in my memory, where has it gone? =( itab, realised i have been doin relatively well in itab, surprisingly... if i were to flunk mi excel next week, it wld be rather wasted yea? gosh, m hungry.. mi feet hurts.. shld i go changi airport or go back face mi mum.. sumhow, the first option seem more appealing... i hate excel.... i hate school, i wan my bed... ahaha, this is really monday blues. next mon good luck... i need lots of it....

woah, have been a busy week. not busy studying though, busy with everything else but my studies. but this happy week is gonna come to an end, i gotta start studying big time cos mi exams are coming in less than 3 weeks!!! went town twice this week with eve, shopped till mi legs gonna break, we practically walked the whole of town and into every shop available trying soo hard to find her something decent to wear for our formal presentation. it was fun.. but my feet hurt soo much and mi head hurts soo much that i skipped half the dae of lesson todae. i only went after da break. was feeling super super lazy this morning... didn't have da energy to wake up at all. have been very happy this week... this is something good and i want to keep it this way. however, yan doesn't seem to be doing good over her tt side... i can see the bitch of her class is really pushing her to the limits. i wan to be dere for yan but i can't and dere's pretty much nothing i can do... tt bitch!! bully mi fren.. wait till i find out hu is she.. m gonna make her life miserable... hmmm, doens't sound like wad i wld do but i can't stand it, her pushing yan to her limits.. grrr.. she make mi sooo mad... freak her lah... next week gonna be a good week. but before that, m looking forward to this weekend.. m going sentosa... and gonna spend time with my frens... =) lalala, last weekend of enjoyment before hardcore studying.. god has been nice to me so it's time for mi to put in da effort.. =)

not meeting up as often and not calling you up as often doesn't mean i ve changed or that my love has changed. i've seen things in a different way and it makes mi really happy. i hope u see things in my way too. go do whatever u like and i will always be here for you. u can count on that, really. i miss you.. truly miss you.

sweet and cosy 

my eye bag is getting worse!! even the most expensive or branded concealer won't be able to save mi! how!!?? already not so very pretty liao now with all the drak rings, look even more haggard, no wonder no one dotes on me anymore... haik.... another very ordinary day. m starting to get cik of things in school. everything is soo lifeless and still. supposedly to have oragn lesson todae but my teacher msged mi and tell me her car bumper spoil and she's sending it for repair so she can't cum. den came home, intendin to sit down and watch my 13 goin 30 but chinfang called and asked mi out. m really lazy to go all da way to bugis so i got her to come to tampines instead and she really came! so i went to shop with her for her fren's bdae present... and den we bought dinner and came back and watch 13 goin 30 together. everything is so monotonous. something has been on my head since few days ago, just can't seem to simmer down. i m pissed off, i really m.... >( freak lah. i dun wanna do the thinking anymore. no one cares and bothers anyway... wtf! i m sooo thirsty..... =(

i am suffering from a very serious disease--- tiredness. this is a very bad disease cos the disease doesn't come in the night, doesn't come in the day, but it only comes in da morning when i m trying so hard to pay attention to my tutor. pon itab todae to go town with evelyn. that girl ar, had such a hard time lookin for her formal wear... and i had such a hard time looking for my shoes.... =( mi thorat hurts, have been hurting since last week.... sooo uncomfy. aniwae, we walked and walked until our legs almost gave way, it was very very tiring! den we went centrepoint's macs to eat ice cream. she gotta go and cf came to meet mi after that, we were doing sum catching up and ys called mi to sae she wannt meet so she also came along to meet us. it's very rare of her to call mi and wld actually meet mi so i tink sumthing's wrong and i m rite. she's being "bullied" in class.. haik... what's wrong with these pple? bully my girl... hmph!!! ys is someone that one has to take da effort to noe her better and then to find her inner self and tt's what i like abt her.... her inner self.... sum pple just can't appreciate it.. cheer up girl, u still have us.... my throat really hurts... voice abit change already.... *cough cough*

happiness is not something that is within my reach. it takes time, effort and patience before i can get my happiness. one has to go through many emotions before she can get happiness. if mine was a smooth sail, there wun be as much things to look forward to already, yea?

woah, wad a weekend for me. first, it was disgusting accounts paper and then i went all the way to toa payoh with the intention of going out with mi cousin only to find her still in bed. pos... she ar, sooo long liao, still haven't change. from young, i always got difficulty waking her up and i still have that problem now too. waited one hr for her to wake up, den after she wake up, she darg and drag time... and den both of us just lie on da bed after lunch, with her giving the excuse, too full, she can't bathe and den both of us started toking. it feels really really good. really miss those daes with her... where we got soo much to sae and i also miss jie too. when she finally got up to go bathe, it was already close to evening time. we went mustafa a while den went town to sit around and drink coffee... everything feels realli realli goood. =) went to watch white chix, midnight movie.. it is a damn funny show!!! i love it!!! lalala and it was a wise decision to watch at cine. can u imagine we watch at great world? ahahhaa, anyway, singaporeans realli got no life, saturday, half of singapore seemed to be in town, it was disgustingly crowded, even after the movie... gosh! sundae, went to a car showroom... cool... first time dere and i learned alot and it realli inspire mi to wan to get a licience asap so i can drive! and den went town to shop shop. i m tinking of getting another line for mi sumsung fone.. hmmmm.. must start to do sum calculation.... bought mi fomal wear already.. cost mi near to 90 bucks manz... and mum is so nice, she's gonna sponser mi another 50 bucks to get mi shoes... lalala... =) better go sleep, tmr gotta go sch early...

even when ur skies are grey, i hope to be da rainbow that wld shine through. be nicer to yourself or rather, shld i sae, dun tink so much at the moment and enjoy whatever u have now to the fullest. i feel that that's more impt and to pursue ur dreams and ambitions while i pursue mine too, knowing that we wld be there for each other.

happy childrens' dae!!! spent the whole day at home todae, it was a rather frutiful day, at least those guys didn't want to play mahjong straight when dey reach my house, we did quality studying den we set our butt down and play mahjong. we played till evelyn came and den we took turn to play. with one person doing his stuff. at this point, mi head got very pain.. and i felt very sticky all over, maybe cos i didn't bathe the whole dae so i got up and watched the results of Singapore Idols... oh.. talking about that, i m soooo pissed off!!! jeassea is out!!! i expected beverly to be out and i thought jerry would be out but no, it was jeassea!! why!! it's soo unfair!!!! i want to complain!!!! must write in, wad's wrong with singaporeans? dey got no eyes or no ears? grrr... sooo unfair, just because she's not a singaporean and she has very little fans? soo unfair!=( haik, gotta go bathe.. and sleep. thnx guys for staying until quite late to accompany me, i really needed that.. thnx!

a brand new month, brand new day and a brand new start. keep telling myself that. to block off sumone from your head is not easy when everything I do keep reminding mi of her but i m strong, i will try, even if i can't, i wld still hold on and try to do so cos that's da best option i have in front of mi.